My Diary
by DarkBrownEyes03
Summary: Brooke accepted her life was meant to be lonely. She wasn't meant to be happy and honestly she doesn't know how it happened, how all that changed but she does know life got a whole lot more complicated after he joined her in bed that night...
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone this is my first story, I hope you all like it :)**

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_Being 18 there are many things you should be doing and trying to accomplish in life._

_1. Graduate High School_

_2. Go to College _

_3. Working_

_4. Find Love_

_5. Make something of your life_

_Of that list to accomplish I have done 1, and that's only because I was forced to go to school every day. Growing up I hated school and it wasn't the work or the teachers or the kids I just hated it. I made myself sick knowing I had to go every day, not actually throw up all over the place sick, more just headache, stomach cramp sick and I honestly couldn't tell you why. Now while all my friends are out working, at college enjoying life I sit at home trying to decide what I am doing._

_I have people on my case about it, my mom, my brothers, even my drug addicted, alcoholic father is trying to tell me to make something of my life, I just don't know what. I use to love my life, my family, my friends, and I'm not saying I don't love them now it's just now I feel beneath them all. I feel like everyone is going on with their life around me and my life is like on hold, like someone is watching a movie of me and paused it on what I am doing now, which is nothing._

_I hate the person I have become, I can honestly say that. I hate the fights I get in with my family and I hate that I have this fake happy smile that no one can see through, I hate it all. When did life become so hard, when was being 18 and happy having fun, not ok. I hear people talking about how much they love life, how much the love high school, college their jobs and I wish I was one of those people. I wish I could say that so bad but I can't. _

_Everyone tells me that I have so many people looking up to me like my sister, but I don't get that since I have done nothing in life to look up too. I mean what have I done with my life? Oh yeah I have almost failed out of high school, I have lied to get my way, flipped cars, hurt people I care about and made my mother cry. Yeah I am a great person._

_I wish I was like someone else, I wish I didn't make my family's life so hard and I wish I didn't disappoint them so much. Of course they would never admit it; I know I disappoint them. How could I not, my oldest brother who I look up to so much has a degree, a degree of honors from one of the smartest colleges in our state. He is someone to look up to; he is someone you want to be like, not me, never me._

_Even only 18 I am so insecure, I feel like I am not smart enough, or pretty enough, not the right size, and not the right personality. I feel like nothing about me is right, I hope my sister never feels like that, I wouldn't want that in life. I wish I was like everyone else, I wish I knew what I wanted to be and what I wanted to do but I don't I just don't. _

_Having all these thoughts and feelings and not knowing what to do with them is overwhelming so I write. I write it all down and put it in this little diary this diary that has all my personal thoughts and wants and something I would die if someone got it. But even with all these thoughts I am stopping for tonight, because I have to go to bed to wake up to…well to do nothing._

_~Brooke_

"Ugh!" I groan rolling out of my bed, its 11:30 and I am just now rolling out of bed, pathetic I know. Right now people are in class, at work doing something and I am rolling out of bed. Everyone in my family is up and I can hear them downstairs talking, they probably already had the morning breakfast and they have probably already talked about me staying in bed this late, always the same talk, always the same morning.

"Morning baby girl," my mother smiles at me as I walk in grabbing a biscuit. My mom is perfect, everything about her is amazing. I love her and it upsets me how much I disappoint her.

"Morning mom," I smile sadly giving her a kiss on the cheek, trying to hold back the tears, I feel burning because all I want is to make her proud, just hard when my life is well my life.

"You eating just a biscuit? Mom made a full breakfast, eggs, bacon, fruit." My oldest brother Tony points out. I know it's out of concern, I know he is only saying it because my weight is not the best. I'm 18, 5'6" and 105 pounds, well on my good day 105 pounds. And I don't have many good days, but I have become a pro at lying about it, so when they ask I just smile and say it.

"I'm fine Tony, I'll just eat later." I say but they know it's a lie, I never eat later. I have noticed myself getting sick while I eat. Not making myself sick because that is something I would never do, but it's like I will eat something and as soon as it hits my stomach I feel sick. I have NEVER thrown up after eating NEVER, but I do know my body shouldn't feel like this when I eat. I also see that they all sit down to eat and they watch me, and sometimes I will not even eat, I just sit there watching them while moving my food on my plate to make it look like I ate, but I didn't, I don't. Not only does eating seem to make me sick now but my periods have all but stopped, it's been almost 4 months since my last one and I know it's not healthy. I don't know what's wrong with me.

"Yeah I'm sure." He mumbles and it almost makes me mad, I hate when he does that, I hate the way I feel when he does it but I again say nothing.

"I'm going out…" I tell them making me a cup of coffee and grabbing my keys.

"Wait where you going?" my mother calls and I just tell her I don't know.

And it's true I don't know where I am going I just need to get out. Sometimes being in my house is suffocating, like all I want to do is cry because I don't know what else to do. Sometimes I just need to get out like today; I just need to get out.

Driving down the road I just think, I decide to go to the park today to think, let my mind settle. Sitting on a swing just watching everyone. The kids playing and laughing and I miss being that age. Where the biggest decision that day is who I want to play tag with, or if I want to play on the monkey bars first or the slide, normally I would pick monkey bars, I was always really good them. Life was so much simpler at 5. But then I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket, and it pulls be out of my little pity party I seem to be having.

"Hey girlie." I say into my phone putting on my best fake cheery tone.

"_B, the girls are coming over tonight, come please."_

It's my best friend, we have known each other since Christmas of senior year, which is almost a year now, but we became best friends instantly, I guess surviving a car accident and going through 3 pregnancy tests will do that to a friendship.

"Yeah Rach I'll be there." I tell her and hear her yell to her mom that I am coming so to get enough alcohol for me too.

"_Great well see you tonight love ya bye."_

I sit there thinking a little more before, getting up and going to my car to feel my phone going off again, it's my father. God I hate him.

"Hello?" I answer annoyed.

"_Hey babe I was sitting here at work and found a job you should apply for._" He tells me and I roll my eyes. Now when people meet the man who help give me life you would assume he is an amazing person and I am just a bitch for not liking him but he is a completely bastard. He treated my mom like shit, walked all over her, ran her into the ground and though he may have never physically hit her, trust me when I say he did other things, bad things. He was so high most the time growing up I don't even remember him being there, he was always out doing god knows what and snorting whatever he could, he is nothing but a loser.

"Alright." I growl into the phone and he knows I don't care what he says, but then again who knows he is pretty stupid, doesn't understand we all hate him.

"_Well I will email you it. But with college what are you doing? You decide yet?_"

"No I haven't." I hiss into the phone, understand if I don't want to take advice from a man who counted down the days until I was 18 so he could stop paying for me, stop paying my child support and taking care of me. And while on that can someone explain to me why my mom has to take care of me even after I turn 18 but he doesn't? I mean if they stayed married he would still be taking care of me so why can't he do it now? Just don't understand the court thing I mean turning 18 doesn't make me not his kid anymore even if I wish it did.

"_Ok well you need to get on that._"

"Yes I know but I am busy bye." I lie hanging up, throwing my phone across the car into the passenger seat. I have been gone for about two hours and decide to head home and take a shower and get ready to go to Rachel's house. Even if it's not until tonight all our girls are coming over, I always head over early to hang out, talk and just chill.

"Mom…" I call through my house as I walk inside shutting the door.

"In here." I hear her yell from the kitchen, she is already starting on dinner and it smells good, but I am kind of glad to leave tonight so I won't get in another argument about me eating dinner tonight, because those talks are start to grow annoying.

"Hey..." I say jumping up on the counter and picking at some lettuce she was cutting. "I am going to Rachel's tonight." I tell her and she just nods. Now Rachel when my mom first met her may not have been her favorite person considering the first time they meet I was in the back of an ambulance but over time she has grown to love the crazy girl I call my best friend.

"What time you going?" she asks as she grabs some spices out of the cabinet "Legs." She says hitting my legs to move so she can get into the cabinet under me and grab a bowl.

"I don't know think I am going to head over after I take a shower." I shrug eating some of the bell peppers she is now cutting.

"Stop that…that's for dinner." She laughs smacking my hand, but I of course steal one more and eat it and she laughs at me. "Will you eat dinner there?" she asks and I knew that question was coming, it always comes up.

"I don't know mom, I'm sure we will order a pizza or something." I say rolling my eyes.

"I know you get tired of this talk." She says placing her hands on the side of me as I sit on the counter "I just worry about you, you're my baby girl and I just want you healthy."

"I am healthy." I tell her and see the doubt in her eyes. I'm not healthy we both know it but I think she is just as tired of this talk as I am. She thinks I am developing a problem about my weight but I'm not. I have been little my whole life nothing has changed nothing is different, yet I know something is different. I am getting taller but my weight stays the same, my shoulders are looking boney and sometimes when I move you can see my ribs but I just don't know what it is.

"Ok…." she sighs as she keeps cooking.

"Well I am going to go shower." I say grabbing another piece of pepper sticking my tongue out at her as I run up stairs.

The shower is more than amazing, as it runs over my body. The hot water is beyond amazing, everyone makes fun of my showers. My brothers say I will die from a heat stroke at how hot it is but I can't help it. I love hot showers, like hot as burning your skin and turning it red. I love them. I wash my body and hair and run my hands through my hair with a sigh, some my hair is coming out again. I think it's just stress I think I am just thinking too much about things and need to relax myself.

I get out of the shower blow dry my hair and do my makeup. I straighten it and brush my teeth and look in the mirror. I hate the way I look. My hair is never right no matter how long I spend on it, my make up always seems to dark on my face and I am all broken out from stress.

"B!" I hear my other brother Jason call for me.

"What's up?" I say walking out of the bathroom into his room to find him and Tony playing video games. Jay is like my best friend not just a brother, he drives me crazy but is always there for me probably because we are so close in age only two years separate us but growing up its was always, Tony, Jason and me. They are my best friends and mean the world to me even if they drive me nuts.

"Are you going out tonight?" he asks but keeping his eyes focused on the new Madden game he just got. "Yes!" he cheers as he scores a touchdown on Tony.

"Umm…yeah I am." I say sitting on his bed grabbing a handful of chips from the bag next to him, "You do know mom is making dinner right?" I laugh looking at all the assortment of food around them.

"Yeah but still we are hungry now." Tony laughs "Throw me a coke." He tells me as I reach over and grab one out of Jason's mini fridge, opening up Tony's drink sipping it some before handing it to him. "I still can't believe you have that in here." I laugh.

"Hey Tony came home from school with a little fridge I was not going to let him throw it away." Jason defends and I just laugh.

"Yeah but anyway I am going to Rach's tonight, I'll be back sometime tomorrow." I tell them.

"RACHEL!" Jason squeals in his girlie voice mocking my friend, and I roll my eyes. He was never a Rachel fan but she is slowing growing on him.

"Dude Jay is kicking your ass." I laugh and get a pillow thrown at me.

"Shut up B you don't even play."

"That's because I admit I suck at all video games." I smile as I watch them. So right now I can mark a time of being really happy, just hanging with my brothers. They are great I love them, Tony is almost 23 and Jason is 20 and as soon as I turned 18 we got insanely close. I mean we have always been close but I think now since I can go to some clubs with them we got closer.

"So what you all doing tonight?" Jason asks and I know it's more to be am I drinking and if I am, be safe.

"I don't know just going to be the girls I think, I'm not really sure." I tell them as I watch the game "Yay! Tony got a touchdown." I tease and he sticks his tongue out at me, "Very mature T aren't you the older one here?"

"Yeah yeah…" he laughed as I throw a chip at him but stop when my phone goes off.

"Hello?" I laugh into my phone as I dodge a chip "Hey stop both of you I am on the phone!" I order in my mother tone.

"_Hello skank are you there?_"

"Oh hey Rach what's up?"

"_Just bored as hell you coming over soon._"

"Umm...yeah I will leave in just a sec, talking to the boys." I tell her and she tells me to tell them both hi which I do. Rachel I love but she makes me nervous about my brothers. She has a boyfriend of course but I won't lie my brothers are cute, very cute and all my friends tell me that all the time. I just don't like my friends liking my brothers its weird.

"_Ok well get your skinny ass over here._" She orders and I laugh then hang up.

"Alright my boys I got to head out." I say jumping off the bed as they groan as I walk in front of the TV.

"Oh B, some of the guys are coming up tomorrow and we are going to go out to that bar, you want to come?" Tony asks.

"You want to drink and need a ride don't you?" I tease.

"Am I not allowed to want to hang with my baby sister?" he pouts playing like he is really hurt and me and Jay just laugh.

"Oh you are, but you can't drink and drive since your DUI and Jay here has no license so I am your only option." I smirk and he laughs.

"Ok your right, but I also like you hanging with my friends too. You have gotten cooler with age."

"Oh thanks that is such a nice way to ask a favor." I laugh "But of course I will take you, I will call if I am going to stay at Rachel's late tomorrow, and then I will just pick you up on the way there." I tell him and he nods. "Bye my boys." I tell them kissing them both on the top of the head, and head downstairs "Ok I am out." I tell my mom grabbing my keys and purse kissing both Kylee and Aiden, my little sister and baby brother, on the head.

"Don't you need clothes? I mean you are spending the night right?" she asks.

"Umm… I don't know I will figure out when I get there, if I do I will just borrow some of Rachel's clothes no biggie." I tell her and she nods

"Ok let me know when you get there and if you drink please don't drive home ok?" she tells me and I nod since we have this talk every time I leave. My mom is pretty laid back on the drinking thing as long as I don't overdo it and don't drive or get in the car with someone who has drank anything.

"I won't I promise." I smile kissing her cheek, "Love you."

"Love you too. Be careful." She smiles.

"Always." I smile mirroring my mothers. It's not hard to mirror what she does we are pretty much the exact same person which I think is what scares her. She tells me every day she doesn't want me to end up like her but in all honesty I don't think being her age looking like she does and have 5 kids who love her more than anything would be too bad. Yet I know it's the being alone, marrying a man I never loved and struggling is what she is afraid I will be.

"Bye Sissy." Aiden tells me and I walk over giving him another kiss.

"Bye gorgeous, Sissy will see you tomorrow when I get home." And he nods, Aiden is my life. He is almost 8 years younger than me and I love him like he is my own almost. Growing up I would be on his side all the time, he actually said my name as his first word and of course Brooke turned into Sissy I wouldn't change that name. It worries me that he is getting bigger, he is 11 now and I know that soon he won't call me Sissy anymore and that upsets me. I love that name, I don't know why. Makes me feel special or something having my own name he gave me and no one else.

"Maybe when I get home from school you want to play Call of Duty with me?" he asks that sweet innocent voice, and gives me those gorgeous blue, green, red mixed eyes and I know can't say no to him and he knows it too.

"Sure little man." I smile kissing his cheek and heading out. I guess I am not spending all day at Rachel's tomorrow.

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**This is just the first chapter and review and let me know if you like it or not :)**


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm here," I call walking in Rachel's house and kicking off my shoes and putting down my bag. I don't knock here anymore, and she doesn't knock at mine either. We got so close that now you just enter, like it's your own home, "oh hey momma" I smile seeing Rachel's mom in the kitchen, that's another thing she calls my mom momma and I call hers the same, the same with Hales who is like our third part. We are three best friends and everyone knows it, we all actually have matching tattoos I know crazy huh? But we do it's a Chinese symbol meaning friendship we all got when I turned 18, since I was the last. "Where's Rach at?"

"She is in her room." Her mom smiles and I nod "You eat yet?" she asks and I just shake my head no "Well I am going to go get some pizza. I'll be back later." She tells me kissing my head and walking out as I make my way up to my best friend's room. "I'm coming in skank stop screwing whoever you are screwing." I joke walking in her room.

"Oh shut up I am just changing." She says throwing a pillow at me.

"Yeah I'm sure." I tease falling onto her bed "So who all is coming tonight?"

"Umm…the usual Hales, Peyton, Jake, Nathan and Cooper may come I am not sure." She tells me and I just nod. Peyton is close to us, not as close as me, Rach and Hales but close. Peyton and I were best friends in 8th and 9th grade but then we drifted, we actually just started to hang out again. Jake is her boyfriend and he is sweet, they met working together and we all really like him. Nathan is Haley's boyfriend they have been together since the beginning of their senior year, they were the _it_ couple at Tree Hill and at first Rachel and I were not so sure about them since he took our Haley away from us but she found her way back. Now Cooper is Rachel's older boyfriend, he just turned 21 and they dated some when she was a sophomore and he was a senior but after 8 months broke up. However he started cheating on his girlfriend with Rachel about 5 months back and I guess found their way back to each other.

"That's cool." I lie. Truth is I hate being the only single one of my friends. Here I am 18, a virgin, never had a boyfriend only kissed one guy my whole life and the kiss I wouldn't even count since it was so awful. I have never done anything with a guy, never seen one naked, never let one see me naked and never let one touch me. Not that I haven't tried to find a boyfriend just no one seems interested which may help explain why I feel so crummy about myself. My friends tell me all day how gorgeous I am but I don't believe it, I mean they have guys knocking down their doors and I don't even have one tapping. Everyone knows I am a virgin, they may not know the extent of it , actually only Haley and Rachel know that part but still they know, and they find it weird since all my friends other then Hales have had their fair share of guys. I won't say which ones but of all my girl friends we hang with their numbers are 14, 8, 7, 3 and 1. I bet you can guess the one but the rest just let you think about it.

"You ok B?" Rachel says pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Oh yeah just haven't slept much lately." I lie and she knows it but knows to ignore it right now.

"But some more people may come, like Johnny, Tim, Theresa and maybe Bevin, I am not really sure." She also tells me and I feel a little better. Theresa is cool, we have been friends for awhile now but not really to close, she has a boyfriend, well more fiancé and we all think its nuts since she is only 18. She more ordered him to propose which we all laugh about and it just annoys me because he is a great guy but she cheats on him, then bitches she thinks he is cheating but whatever. Bevin is sweet, she always has been and Johnny I don't know too well he is friends with Cooper and Tim, well he is Tim.

"Hey skanks where are you?" we hear our third party yell as the front door slams and we both laugh.

"In here Whore!" I yell as Haley makes her way into Rachel's room, and sitting next to me on the bed. "Where's Nate?" I ask.

"Oh he had to get his brother from the airport, I hope you don't mind if he brings him?" Haley asks and I laugh like Rachel would really care if another person joined.

"No I don't care, how old is he?" is her only question and I know why because as soon as Haley says 22 Rachel says "Good he can buy more alcohol."

"Yeah he is coming home from college." Haley tells us, as she starts explain the history of the Scott's which to me is way too complicated. Like apparently Lucas, his older brother, was born while his mom Karen was just a senior in high school. Nathan was born 3 years later when Dan was a junior in college, Dan is married to Deb, Nathan's mom and they like hate each other and Karen just takes care of her son and owns that café down the street. Nathan actually even with all the drama loves his big brother, looks up to him a lot. But all this talking is sending my brain on over drive; I thought my family was crazy.

"I have to pee I'll be right back." I announce to them getting up and walking into the bathroom quickly before the tear falls. I don't know why I have been so sad lately I think it's the whole school, and life thing but also the lonely thing and just sucks that all my friends have someone and I still don't. I guess I just don't know what's wrong with me.

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It's almost 10 and everyone is laughing and having fun. Nathan got here about 30 minutes ago with his older brother who I must say is gorgeous, he has blonde hair that's a little long and really cute blue eyes, plus an amazing body I must add. Too bad he has looked at me maybe once since he has been here. Theresa has been all over him like a cheap suit, which again pisses me off, she has a boyfriend, hell a fiancé and she acts like that.

"Ok beer pong who is up?" Jake asks pulling me out of my thoughts as he sets up the cups for the next game.

"Oh me and B." Rachel says jumping up grabbing my hand and pulling me with her, "and Coop you and Lucas can play. Let's see if we can beat these college boys." Rachel laughs and both guys come over to play.

I am not that amazing at this game, I won't lie. Normally I have to have a few drinks in me to play a halfway decent game but being we are playing two colleges guys who have spent the last 4 years of their life playing me and Rachel are pretty much screwed.

"Ok baby you are sucking." Cooper teases as he makes another shot.

"Your turn B," Rachel says handing me the beer.

"I don't know Rach, Brooke has seemed to be drinking every beer so far." Lucas says and I kind of smile that he has noticed me, and even caught my name.

"That's because she likes beer," Rachel explains.

"And holds her alcohol way better then you." Haley adds and I laugh, it's true even as small as I am I can drink lots of alcohol and feel fine, well normally.

"Well that's because her dad is an alcoholic and drug addict, she has to have the gene." Theresa smirks taking a sip of her drink and everyone in the room just looks at her in shock she just told everyone that. Maybe Rachel and Haley knew that but I didn't want the whole house.

I don't talk about my dad, he isn't my parent in my eyes I have one, but still I don't want the world knowing my dirty family history. I told Theresa that back in middle school when we were close but should have known better.

"Theresa don't be a bitch, I will kick your ass out of my house." Rachel snaps, and it's true she will.

"Rach its fine I swear." I smile grabbing onto her wrist but she knows it's not.

"No B, Theresa doesn't need to be a bitch all the time." Haley adds and looks over at her "And you don't know shit about Brooke so shut the hell up." She hisses and Nathan just pulls her into his lap to stop her from doing something dumb. "Relax Hales…" he tells her but I can tell she is still fuming.

I am the youngest of the three, Haley is oldest actually, and then Rachel and then me and even if it's only a few months they are very protective of me. Almost baby sister like.

"Hey Lucas…" I call ignoring all the tension in the room and just wanting to change the topic to something else.

"Yeah..." he says turning to look at me with sorry eyes, which pisses me off more. I hate people feeling sorry for my father being worthless. Everyone has their problems and mine are no different so no one needs to feel bad for me.

"I win." I smirk taking a shot and making it into the cup in his hand.

"Yes!" Rachel squeals hugging me completely forgetting the whole Theresa thing, and hugging me.

"That's not fair I was distracted." He tries to protest but I just shrug with a smile.

"That's the rules in this house, if you have a drink in your hand and it's not empty and the ball lands in it while in your hand we win." Rachel tells him and he laughs. "Fine you win." He says as Rachel and I give him the rest of our cups to drink.

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Now the night is kind of boring, we are all sitting around watching a movie. All the beer has been drank and even with 3 games of beer pong, two shots of whatever they gave me and 4 other drinks me, Rachel and Hales always drink my buzz is really not there anymore and that upsets me, because that proves Theresa right, I am my father. But still I try to shake off the feelings of being like him out of my head but instead it's replaced with a sad one when I see the couples in front of me. Haley is sitting in Nathan's lap and whispering things to each other, Rachel is in Coopers and he is kissing her neck wanting to do more but Rachel has put him on no sex rule right now. It's funny because we all know after tonight that rule is out the window, but then there is Bevin who is all friendly to Johnny and Theresa who is of course on Lucas. Peyton and Jake have entered an intense make out session and Tim, well Tim is all into the movie so I can't even talk to him, not that I would really want too.

Looking at them all I only think of one thing, _him_. The boy who has taken over my thoughts all through senior year and who maybe on some days I admit I loved. But we didn't even date, he was just a friend, a friend I lost and can't have back because I let my feelings get in the way. Well my feelings and his girlfriend, but in my defense he led me on, he led me on bad. We haven't talked in months well other than those _fake _drunken text I send. It's almost like I feel like if I have had some drinks in me its ok I can blame it on being drunk even though I have never been drunk before but still. I miss him…

"Brooke…" Rachel says pulling me out of my thoughts and I look at her as she eases up in Coopers lap "Give me your phone." She orders because she knows what I am thinking, I was going to text him.

"I wasn't going to do it Rach…" I lie and she knows it and so does Haley that's why she also eases up in Nathan's lap and looks at me.

"Brooke, I thought you were better, over it." She sighs and everyone looks at me confused, no one knows how I feel. Truth is Haley doesn't really know anymore as well as Rachel. After Nathan and Haley got together they got close so she was around less and plus she is a few months older than me and Rachel so she graduated a year ahead. She barely made the cut off for that year like the cutoff date for school was in August and her birthday is July so she got in. Unlike me and Rachel whose birthday is in October and mine is May, so we graduated the year after. So Haley wasn't at school for the whole _him_ thing, she didn't see the pain, the hurt and the way he played me like Rachel did, so of course she thought I was fine.

"She is not over it Hales." Rachel says quickly and everyone still looks at us more confused, "That's why I am going to take her phone." She says walking over to me.

"Rachel I am not doing anything stop." I yell but it's too late she is on top of me and we are wrestling for the phone, but not in a mean way we are all laughing while we do it.

"Give it to me you skanky tease." She orders.

"No you kinky bitch." I say as everyone laughs at our nicknames. I don't get them no one does, just Rachel is bitch, or newly kinky bitch, mine is tease which makes since I guess, but newly skanky tease and Haley's is hooker, I have no clue where we got that from at all. "Haley help me." I scream as she runs over and drives on top of us while the room is busting out with laughter by now. "Haley I said help me not her!"

"Well I think she is right so ha!" she said grabbing my phone from me, "Nathan hold onto this." she says throwing it to him and he puts it in his pocket.

"Nate!" I yell as Rachel helps me off the ground "Give back please." I ask and he looks between the three of us not sure what he is supposed to do.

"No! Nathan don't!" Rachel orders and I guess her being the scary one of the group he agreed.

"Rachel!" I yell "I am 18 years old will you stop treating me like I am five! It's my damn phone and I am not texting him ok!" I scream now angry, I know they are doing it for the best but still.

"Yes you are Brooke!" she screams back "You have that look."

"I don't have that look!" I argue but I know it's a lie, she knows it's a lie and I am more than sure this whole room knows it's a lie.

"Brooke you do." she sighs but in more of a calming tone.

"I can't help Rach, I just…"

"Miss him." Haley says and I nod. It's true I miss him, I want to talk to him, and I just want to have him back in my life. However while this whole argument has accord I completely forgot the people in the room who must look at us like we are completely insane.

"Shot time!" Lucas says jumping up off the couch and I am thankful since I know that both my best friends are about to start that long I am better than him talk and I hate that stupid talk. Even though I maybe better deserve better that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. "Come on Brooke, do one with me." He says grabbing my hand and leading me in the kitchen.

"Ok…" I laugh as we stand there, he gives me a sweet smile and on three we do a shot, the cool liquid burns all the way down but it is almost refreshing. Almost like a calming it gave me and I am not sure if it's because of the drink or because Lucas is standing next to me, but I am calm now.

* * *

"Rachel you have to be kidding me!" I yell at my best friend as she tells me and Haley the sleeping arrangements.

"I'm sorry B; I don't know where to put everyone."

"I do, anywhere but my room!" I tell her, well it's not my room but I consider it my room on all the time I stay here. Rachel's house has 5 bedrooms, one room is going to Nathan and Haley, one to Jake and Peyton, and then of course Rachel's room with her and Cooper. But then there is an office that has like a sofa thing that Bevin and Johnny are taking then a blow up mattress that Theresa has claimed and trying to get Lucas to share with her. Now you see there are two bedrooms left yes, but one is Rachel's mom's room and then the last is always my room. Normally when we come over we all share that room and talking but tonight Rachel is telling me I have to share with Tim.

Now ok don't get me wrong, I am not like a virgin prude that doesn't share beds with other guys because I have. I share beds all the time, and with all my friends but Tim is different, he is nuts and is all touchy and I am not sharing _my_ bed with him.

"But where do you want to put him huh?" Rachel argues and I look like is she crazy.

"The couch!" I say and she just looks at me, since the couch is not even a couch it's not even a love seat it's just so damn small. "Look Rach he is almost passed out just put him on the couch and he won't even know." I try to reason but she just gives me an I'm sorry look. "Ugh!" I groan.

"Where am I sleeping?" Tim asks as soon as we walk back into the living room.

"Oh umm…" Rachel pauses looking at me and I am giving her a pleading look, begging her not to put him with me.

"Oh you get the air mattress with Theresa." Lucas smiles and Theresa gives him a pissed look and I give him a thank you god one. "Where is a pillow Rach I got the couch." He smiles.

"Oh umm…ok…" Rachel says walking into the other room grabbing some pillows and sheets. "Well here you all go, I am off to bed come on Coop." she smiles grabbing his hand and walking out of the living room.

"That no sex rule is over." I whisper to Haley who starts laughing.

"Night B." Haley says kissing my cheek and grabbing Nathan and walking to her room, and everyone else follows, to their respected places.

As I lay in my bed thinking about everything, and then I think about Lucas and feel kind of bad, making him sleep on that little couch thing that he is way too big for since he is like 6'2", it was a good idea for Tim since he is like my height but Lucas definitely not. I slowly crawl out of bed and tip toe down the stairs into the living room to and laugh at it all. Tim has his leg thrown over Theresa and she is all but falling off the mattress, and of course Lucas is all crammed on the couch, and he actually looks kind of cute.

"Lucas…" I whisper shaking him but he still just kind of lays there "Hey wake up." I tell him smacking him on the arm and he jumps rolling off the couch and landing on the ground. I start to die laughing but cover my mouth so I don't wake up Tim and Theresa.

"Owww…" he groans rubbing his head.

"You ok?" I ask trying not to laugh but it's no hope.

"It's not funny…" he whispers and I just laugh harder, "Ok it's a little." He laughs as he stands up.

"Shhh…" I say covering his mouth, and point to Tim and Theresa and he starts to laugh again.

"Come on." I tell him leading him into the kitchen.

"Is there a reason you threw me off the couch at 2 in the morning." He whispers and I laugh again, then wonder why we all went to bed so damn early but just ignore that and tell him why I came and woke him up.

"No I just figured that if you wanted to you could share my bed." I tell him and he kind of raises an eye brow at me "No…I mean I have a queen size bed, and it's probably more comfortable then the couch. Plus I don't take up much room on it anyway." I explain and he nods. "Also unlike Tim you don't seem like the touchy feely type who will try to like molest me in my sleep." I tell him and he starts laughing.

"Well I mean if you don't mind."

"I don't come on." I tell him as we walk up the stairs to where I was staying "But I give fair warning that my room is like the attic its pretty warm." I inform him as we walk in and I fall onto my bed. And it's true, the room I stay in is the only room upstairs and you get to it from the kitchen, there isn't even a bathroom up here just a small bedroom, that during the summer you hate to use because of how hot it gets.

"That would explain your clothes." He laughs and I look down to see I'm just in my sports bra and a pair of Rachel's cheer shorts.

"Oh yeah," I blush some "Not only is it hot I didn't bring any clothes, I normally don't and just wear Rach's." I tell him and climb under the sheets.

"Yeah the room is pretty hot." He says as he pulls his shirt over his head and I just look him up and down. I thought his body was good looking but I was wrong it is amazing looking. His abs are all toned and tanned, his arms are hot too. I love arms, they are like my thing, Rachel and Haley laugh at me because of it because most girls love eyes and smiles and I do to but arms just are like safe. When they hold you, making you feel like nothing is wrong and that is a feeling I like having. "Umm…is it ok if…I...umm…"

"If you what?" I ask kind of laughing at his stuttering.

"Well I was just wondering if I could take off my jeans, I mean I won't if it freaks you out or something." he tells me quickly and I just laugh.

"Lucas its fine, I mean it's just sleeping." I tell him and he nods pulling them off. That is always how I feel about sharing a bed with someone. People make it out being so much more, but I don't. Once you close your eyes it doesn't matter who is next to you, well at least to me it doesn't since I am single, but not the point.

"Night…" he tells me as he climbs in the bed next to me, and I kind of enjoy the feeling of a warm body next to me. Again I have shared a bed with people before but with Lucas it's almost different, I don't know why.

"Night." I tell him as I lay there thinking. I look at my phone next to my bed charging and I think about texting _him_, just to say hi. I know Rachel would flip if she knew, but at the same time she wouldn't know. Plus she is busy with Cooper somewhere doing god knows what.

"Aislinn..." I hear him whisper pulling me out of my thoughts.

"What?" I ask rolling over to look at him staring at the ceiling.

"My drunk dial…her name was Aislinn." He tells me and looks at me, and I wonder how he knows that was what I was thinking about.

"Shane." I tell him and he just nods.

"It gets better." He tells me.

"Yeah, I hope so." I say looking up at the roof, "How did you know?" I finally ask him and he smiles at me.

"The look you got. I use to get that look all the time. I would drink then let myself believe it was ok to text or call her, because I had a little liquid courage in me…but…" he pauses.

"You're never drunk when you do it, so you remember everything that happens." I finish.

"Yeah…"

"I know they think I am nuts, for wanting to talk to him so much, I mean we didn't even date or anything. I just I don't know…"

"Not dating someone doesn't mean you don't have feelings for them." He tells me and I just nod "We dated all through my junior year of college, and then one day she comes and tells me she is done. Doesn't love me anymore." He says with a dry laugh and I feel really bad for him, since a part of me knows what it feels like. Not to have someone tell you they stopped loving you but to know the person you love doesn't love you back.

"It's a shitty feeling." I whisper.

"Yeah, I think the worst part is you feel like you are going crazy. Like you want to think that they miss you too. That they also sit around drinking and want to text you but are too afraid to do it."

"Yeah you just wish they cared, but then they never text you. And you think about the times you do actually talk you are always the one to start the conversation and they will talk to you for hours but they are always the ones to end it first." I say

"Yeah" he whispers.

"Thanks for earlier, I mean with the whole shot thing." I tell him, I was really glad he did that to change the subject from the whole Shane talk.

"No problem. Sometime you just want to feel bad about it and not have someone talk to you about it." He tells me and I nod as we both fall into a comfortable silence. I feel weird telling him what we said, I mean I met him all of 4 hours ago but I am talking about something so personal it's just a little strange.

"Dude I think Theresa was trying to sleep with me." He says breaking the silence and I start to laugh and it makes him laugh.

"Dude I wouldn't be surprised, she was so pissed when Tim was going to sleep with her."

"God I know." He laughs and we both lay there laughing, finding it weird how our subject went to our own pity party to laughing but its whatever.

"You do know she has a fiancé right?" I say between laughs.

"Are you for real?" he asks looking at me and I just nod and start laughing again "Oh my god that is great." He laughs.

"I know right... Do you know how jealous she would be if she knew you were here with me right now?" I ask turning to look at him and we both lock eyes and I swear his eyes are gorgeous.

"Why we aren't doing anything?" he says, and for a second I swear I saw something in his eyes that was a little sad by that fact, but then again I would have no clue what that look is.

"Oh I know, but see she thinks every guy wants her, and that guys wanting me is just impossible." I laugh, but then quickly realize what I said "I mean not that I am saying you want me or anything, I mean I didn't mean that." I say quickly feeling embarrassed not believing I said that.

"No its fine I know what you mean." He whispers looking at me and all of a sudden I realize how close he is to my face and it makes me a little nervous. I can feel my heart racing and my breath getting heavier and all of a sudden I think asking him to join me up here was a bad idea.

"But anyways," I say looking away from him and back at the ceiling "She just would be pissed you turned her down to sleep in the same bed but not me. That's all." I shrug.

"It's all just sleeping right." He says repeating my words from earlier.

"Right," I nod as I flip back over on my side away from him. I feel him looking at me but I don't turn around, after a few minutes I also feel him shift in the bed on his side pulling the covers on him.

"Night Luke." I whisper through the silent room.

"Night." I hear him say back.

I lay there watching the time tick on the clock thinking again and roll over on my back to see him asleep. I look at him in just his boxers next to me and think things I haven't thought before about a guy and that makes me nervous. I flip back over on my side away from him, for once my mind isn't thinking about school, it isn't thinking about my family or my life, and it's not thinking about Shane. Right now I would be happy with that if it wasn't for the fact my mind was on something else, something I am sure it shouldn't be on;

Lucas.

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**A/N: Thanks for the last reviews and all of you who put it on story alert or whatever, I hope you all enjoy this chapter and review please...let me know someone is reading it and liking it lol :)**


	3. Chapter 3

I hear my phone vibrating on the night stand next to me and I slowly flicker open my eyes. My phone is lighting up letting me know I have a text and I let my hand slide out from under the warm sheets grabbing it knowing it's probably Kylee. She normally wakes up at odd times and text me random things like hi, just to see if I am awake and have someone to talk too. Like I thought it was her but my eyes are so heavy and tired I just toss it back on the nightstand and pull the sheet tighter to me.

Yet while laying there I feel something warm on the back of my neck and my eyes fly open, now wide awake and I look over my shoulder to find Lucas behind me, and not like behind me on the other side of the bed. Like right behind me that his arm tight around my waist and hot breath on the back of my neck, but the freaked feeling a felt when I first realized that someone was that close to me washes away and I just turn back over. I lay there kind of enjoying the feeling of being in someone's arms even if I know it's only because he is sleeping and that he doesn't know he was doing it but still I like it. The clock is ticking that its 5:33 and I just want to laugh. I bet right now both Haley and Rachel are awake lying next to their boys and bored. It almost like clockwork when we sleep over, we will wake up every morning at the same time sit and talk for about two hours then go back to sleep to wake up at 11. I also know that right now both are thinking the same thing, and that they both have probably moved into the kitchen with coffee waiting for me to join. And I will, I just want to stay here with Lucas a little longer.

I start to move some to pull the sheet tighter around me and he just tightens his hold on my waist. It's almost 6 now, so I slowly pull myself out of his grasp, and tip toe down the stairs to find like I thought Rachel and Haley already there.

"What took you so long?" Rachel asked handing me a cup of coffee.

"Sorry I was umm…sleeping." I lie and take a seat next to them. "So what's the talk?"

"Nothing really just the normal stuff. Like how Rachel gave up her no sex rule last night." Haley teases rocking into Rachel who just laughed.

"Nicely done Rach." I laugh.

"Hey not all of us can go 18 years without sex." Rachel throws at me.

"Yes but some can go longer than two weeks." I throw back and she shrugs and laughs. We like most mornings start talking about god knows what and just laughing about stupid inside jokes and the crazy times we have shared.

"Oh hey guys." We hear and turn to see a sleepy Lucas coming from upstairs.

"Lucas?" Rachel says as almost a question, then turns to look at me with wide eyes. And I know what she is thinking, but then she realizes it's me and knows I didn't sleep with him, well I hope she knows I didn't.

"Yeah I was just going to go to the bathroom." He yawns stretching and scratching the back of his neck and we just point to down the hall and he nods and walks out.

"Oh my god Brooke!" Rachel yells and I just look at her taking a sip of my coffee.

"Brooke Davis!" Haley yells.

"What?" I ask annoyed.

"You didn't... I mean you two didn't…" Haley asks.

"What? No!" I yell, "We did not!" I scream but realize everyone is still asleep "I did not sleep with him how could you even think that?" I say but more of a whisper yet still with an angry tone. Did they honestly think that I would hold onto something like that for so long just to give it to some random guy I met that night, were they nuts.

"No it's just…" Rachel starts but then Lucas walks back into the room.

"I think I am umm…going back to bed." Lucas tells us pointing up towards the room also noticing the weird vibe and the look both Haley and Rachel were giving him "I mean if that's ok, I can go back to the couch."

"No Luke, we are just talking. Go ahead its fine." I reassure and he nods then heads upstairs and as soon as the door shuts we continue. "I can't believe you two thought I would sleep with some random guy!" I snap.

"Ok Brooke we drank last night, you were feeling bad about Shane and when I went to bed he was on the couch." Rachel starts.

"Then you don't meet us down here on normal time which we would possible get as you just sleeping if you weren't dressed like well that." Haley adds looking me up and down in still just my sports bra and cheer shorts.

"And he is in boxers. So you can see how our minds wondered." Rachel says and I just roll my eyes.

"Ok I did nothing last night with no one. I thought it was dumb him sleeping on that tiny couch when I had a full bed so I told him he could share with me. The reason for our clothes is well Rachel that room is in the attic and it's hot as hell which you both know so yeah." I inform them and they just nod knowing I was telling the truth "But anyway if I did do something what's the big deal. I mean tell me both of you didn't sleep with Nathan and Cooper last night."

"Ok that's different." Rachel says.

"Yeah I mean you're our Brooke." Haley says and I just roll my eyes.

I hate that response. Both of them have sex, hell Rachel sleeps with everyone but I can't even think about it. It's so annoying, they think I will never have sex, never touch a guy and I don't get it. They say it's because I am the good one. Their sweet innocent one and they don't want that to change but still. Sometimes I am just tired of being the sweet innocent one.

"Yeah whatever, I'm going upstairs." I say putting down my coffee and heading upstairs. I hear them both let out a sigh as I shut the door behind me. And crawl back into bed.

"Ya'll wake up at..." I hear Lucas say but pause looking over me to look at the clock "damn 7:23 to have coffee and talk then go back to bed?" he laughs.

"Yeah it's kind of our thing I don't know, we usually wake up talk for a few hours then go back to sleep." I tell him.

"You not talking for a few hours now?" he question and I just shake my head no "Why?"

"Nothing just tired." I lie; truth was I was just annoyed with the talk and I knew that where it was going would just piss me off so I left. We lay there a few more minutes just staring at the ceiling thinking. "That was a lie." I finally tell him and I don't know why I did, I don't know why I was not ok with lying to him.

"What was?" he questions rolling over on his side and looking at me.

"I'm not tired we just got into an argument." I tell him as I copy his move and lay on my side looking at him, his eyes really are gorgeous, like the perfect baby blue, and not only that but his nose is just adorable. But I shake that thought out of my head when I hear him ask why we were fighting. "Oh um… they just said something dumb." I tell him.

"What they say?" he whispered brushing a piece of hair behind my ear and resting his hand on my arm and I get nervous by his touch. My heart is again racing and I can feel my breath catching in my throat about how close his lips are to mine.

"They just thought I slept with you." I whisper.

"That's crazy, we didn't do anything." He whispered back, as he lets his hand slowly run down my arm, then my side resting on my hip. He lets his thumb rub on my bare skin, and I am getting tingles by it and wishing I put my shirt back on, instead of just wearing this damn sports bra, because I am all but sure he can feel my goose bumps.

"Yeah crazy…" I agree and feel my body freak and heart race even fast when he starts to move his lips towards mine.

"Brooke we are…" Rachel says as the door flies open and I jump back from him rolling off the bed. "sorry." She finishes.

"Ouch…" I mumble from the floor rubbing my head, much like Lucas had done just hours before when I woke him up to join me up here.

"You ok B?" Haley asks walking over to me and helping me off the ground, and I feel like such an idiot right now. Not only was he about to kiss me which freaked me out some since I have only kissed one guy but Rachel and Haley come in and catch us and then I fall off the stupid bed. Nice Brooke real nice.

"Yeah I am fine, just…I'm fine." I say not even sure what I was saying "But I think I am going to jump in the shower." I tell them and they both nod. As I run out of the room avoiding the look from my two best friends and Lucas.

Now normal my showers would be so long that the water turns cold, but I am at a friend's house so I know even if it is Rachel I can't use up all the hot water. Getting out the whole bathroom is all steamy which kind of makes it hard to do my make up in the mirror but I manage. Originally I planned on staying here all day; even though I promised Aiden I would come play with him. I figured that I would at least stay here until 3 when he gets home from school but after whatever the hell just happened with Lucas I don't really want to stay here. Plus I know Rachel and Haley saw how close we were and they are going to want to talk about it and I am not having that conversation, not after I swore we did nothing. This wasn't a lie we didn't but still.

"Ugh!" I groan, my straightner is at home and Rachel's is in her mom's room where she used it this morning so I am just going to have to deal with it, which I must admit the wet look doesn't look that bad on me just sucks when it dries it will be a tangled, poofy mess.

"Hey guys what's up?" I say coming from Rachel's bathroom to see it's almost 10. Everyone is already up and in the kitchen laughing about something. Everyone but Lucas who is sitting there listening and having a weird look on his face, I wonder if it's that Aislinn look, and if it is I am a little upset and maybe jealous by it.

"Hey B nice of you to join us." Rachel smirks and raises an eye brow at me and I know what she is thinking, and it is all confirmed when she looks over at Lucas then back at me. I just roll my eyes at this.

"We are trying to figure out what to do for breakfast. I am thinking we go to Waffle House." Haley smiles.

"You always want Waffle House after our nights of drinking." Peyton laughs sipping on her coffee.

"That's because it's good." Haley laughs.

"Yeah well…" I start but pause when my phone starts going off, "Just a sec," I tell them answering my phone. "Hello?"

"_Hey Sissy…_"

"Well hey gorgeous why aren't you in school?" I ask and see both Haley and Rachel look at each other and say Aiden which makes me laugh.

"_Mom said I can stay home._" He tells me and I can see him shrug, I can also see him using those puppy dog eyes on our mom to get out of school today, which makes me laugh.

"Ok well Cutie I will be home soon, maybe we can go out to eat or something?" I offer and hear him smile in the phone telling me ok, "Alright well love you see you in a bit bye." I smile hanging up. "Sorry guys I am out."

"Of course you are." Peyton laughs.

"I'm sorry, I promised him I would hang out with him today." And they all laugh knowing I can't say no to my baby.

"Of course Aiden calls Brooke runs." Haley says.

"Who is Aiden?" Lucas asks and would it be wrong if I thought I heard some jealousy with his voice. Of course not that would be nuts, I don't know this guy he wouldn't be jealous.

"That's Brooke's baby." Jake laughs and I just roll my eyes.

"He is her little brother." Haley tells him and Lucas just nods with an oh.

"Yeah it's funny, every time I heard Brooke on the phone with him I thought he was like 4, with the little man, cutie, and even the soft motherly tone she uses, but he is not 4."

"How old is he?" Nathan asks.

"11." Haley shrugs and everyone laughs.

"Ok he is barely 11 he turned it in February." I try to defend but they just laugh harder.

"Brooke it's almost November." Nathan laughs.

"True but if you knew her family you wouldn't be surprised. I mean they are all close like insanely close. I am actually very jealous." Rachel tells everyone and I know it's true. I mean after everything me and my family have been through we should be close; we only had each other so we rely on each other for everything.

"Yes well if we are all done mocking me and my family I am going to go home, to take my baby to lunch then have a long day of video games." I laugh grabbing my keys. "I will see you loves later." I smile giving both Rachel and Haley a quick hug. I look over at Lucas who just gives me a look, one I can't really read and grab my purse and walk out. I am not even in my car before I feel my phone going off.

"_Nice excuse to leave B. We are having an HRB talk later."_

It's a text from Rachel and I laugh, HRB is a talk between the three of us. I know what it's about but I just don't want to deal with it now, I text an ok and drive home.

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**Review please :) I love them :)**


	4. Chapter 4

_After going to lunch, coming home and playing video games all day. I am actually sitting down and writing this. I had fun hanging with Aiden today just the two of us and those are my favorite days. I think it's because when we are together it's always fun, he is so sweet and I love him so much. Now don't get me wrong as much as I love him he still drives me nuts, pisses me off beyond belief and makes me want to smack him sometimes, but I still love him. When we were hanging out today he asked me if I was ok, he told me he knew I was upset and I could tell him. I just gave him a big kiss and another scoop of ice cream. He is so innocent, so pure and I am not going to weigh my stress on him. _

_I am going out with the boys tonight. We are going to this bar down the road from here where you can get in at 18. We do it every Thursday for about three months and sometimes even Tuesdays, we normally do it those days because we get free pool and half priced drinks which is always a plus. I love hanging with my brothers and their friends and I think it's because I can just relax. I honestly don't think about _him_ at all when we hang out. Maybe it's because my brothers are there and are making me laugh, or their friends Nash and Heath are there and I'm sorry you can't help but be happy around those two they are absolutely nuts. But I love them, like two extra big brothers, but it sucks since that is just two more people to be overly protective of me._

_Speaking of being protective, I wonder what Lucas is thinking. My brothers' protectiveness would definitely kick in if they knew I was thinking about him right now. Though they hated Shane, which they do, Lucas is 22, just graduated college and I'm sure has more than enough experiences with certain things. _

_Wait why am I talking like he would be remotely interested in me. Am I nuts someone like him wouldn't like someone like me. Well he did try to kiss me; I mean I think he was going to until Rachel interrupted. However I am kind of glad they did since if he did kiss me he would think I was some kind of freak since I would have no clue what to do, but it's not like kissing is really that complicated…right? _

_Ugh I wish I wasn't thinking about him right now, but least its better thinking about him then another certain blonde boy I have been thinking about so much over the last few months. Yet I feel like thinking about Lucas will lead to me maybe liking him, especially if he hangs out with us at Rachel's and stuff and he will just be another Shane, just another heartbreak. I wish stupid Kylee didn't have stupid softball right now, stupid practice. I need sister talk and I need to discuss Lucas even though I am not sure what to discuss. I guess technically I could have talked to her about it when she got home from school, but I got home after her and she was in her softball mode and I didn't want to interrupt that. Or maybe I shouldn't lie and just admit I'm nervous to talk about Lucas, even with Kylee who is my over all best friend. My best friend who is my baby sister, my 14 year old baby sister and she drives me completely nuts but best friend never less._

_I hear Tony calling me to come talk to him, so I guess I will write some later._

_~Brooke_

"What?" I call from my bed.

"We are leaving in like an hour, be ready." He yells to me from his room, which is on the other side of the house by the way. I just yell an ok and get up.

Now I am in the bathroom doing my makeup and straightening my hair to leave. I could text my girls and tell them I am going, I could invite them but I'm not. I am just not in the mood for couples tonight, which maybe another reason why I love hanging with the boys so much. I put on my favorite top that's a dark brown sweater that buttons up yet I leave it unbutton and put on a white tank top underneath it which shows maybe a little too much of my stomach, and I know one of the guys will make a comment about it but I don't care. Let's time it this time and see; I bet it's Nash who says something about it. Last time we went out he laughed about how what girls could wear was so much more revealing then guys and I tell him because no one wants to see his stomach so for about 30 minutes we all had a discussion about who had the better stomach. Of course me having two brothers there and then the third person being like my brother I lost, but I still think mine is better.

For some reason when I go out with my boys I always do my make up different then when I go out with the girls. It maybe since I am going to a dark, smoky bar to play long hours of free pool, but I always make my eyes dark, more of a shadow tent to them and they always say it makes my eyes look more dramatic but I don't know. I finish up on my eyes do my dark eye liner then put on some simple clear lip gloss that I know will be pretty much be gone by the time I get there but oh well.

I hear Jay calling me to tell me the guys are here and to hurry up. I brush my teeth real quick, grabbed my purse and keys and head out of my room to see them.

"Well hello my boys." I smile and they turn to look at me.

"Hey B you look nice." Nash smiles giving me a small hug, I have known Nash longer then Heath but only by a few months, he was actually my dance partner when he went out on my 18th birthday at some night club. I would laugh slightly because while dance he would let his hands rest on my hips but then random hear him go "Tony's sister, Tony's sister." It was great I don't know made me feel a little better about myself.

"Yeah Brookie you think you could wear something not so…" Heath paused looking at me, ok I was wrong Heath made a comment about my outfit first.

"So what buddy?" I ask all innocent and they all just laugh.

"We just want to drink B and not get kicked out for knocking some guy out for staring at you or touching you that's all." Tony explains and I just roll my eyes.

"Oh whatever," I laugh walking towards the door "I am in the car if you are not out in 10 minutes I am leaving without you." I yell as I get in my car. I should have known better giving them that big of a time limit because now 8 minutes later here I sit, still in my car. I was just about to go get them when they come out laughing. "What took you so long?" I snap.

"You said 10 minutes," Jay laughed climbing into the back of my car.

"Yeah and watch me leave your drunk asses at the bar, no get in the damn car." I laugh as they all pile in. Ok so maybe I should have taken Tony's car since mine is a blue 88' Cadillac that holds 3 girls comfortably but not 3 big guys in the back seat. Oh and before you mock the car I call my baby, I will let you know that this thing has a v8 engine and it is so fast, I love it. However back to my point, to say the boys are snug in the back is an understatement, but Tony's car is big and I feel like it shakes while I drive and I hate it, so our rule is I take you out to drink I drive _my_ car.

Driving the 10 minute drive to the bar is always entertaining listening to the boys ramble about stupid things and about how Nash has class tomorrow so he wants to wake up early to go. Yet we all know he is not going to class, he never does.

"Nash babe I will write you a fake doctor's note ok?" I finally tell him, looking in my mirror at him to see him nod then turn my attention back to the road.

"That's my baby sister doing her illegal acts." Tony jokes pinching my cheek and I just knock his hand away. And it's true, I hate to admit it but I may have a few doctors' notes saved on my computer that I have scanned when I missed school. But hey I always missed school and I didn't go to the doctor every time because, well I wasn't really sick so I just made fake notes, pretty smart if you ask me, a few date changes here and I trace over the name there and you got yourself a legit looking doctor's note.

"Hey I do what I can to get by." I shrug making everyone laugh as I pull into the parking lot, the place is pretty full tonight, but we know we will get our same table and I will just let them drink, and then beat all them in pool and take their money.

The place is a little more smoky than normal. As soon as I walk in the nasty cigarette smoke crashes into my face and I hate it. And it's crazy because while I am here normally it doesn't bother me, but when I get home tonight and wake up in the morning my hair makes me almost sick by how smoky it smells, I don't get why it like gets trapped in it but it does and ugh gross.

"Ok we will have four beers, and a coke." Tony orders from the waitress, and though Jay is only 20 they serve him anyway, they would even serve me if I wasn't driving. This place is pretty lose about checking I.D and since we have been here every Thursday and sometimes even Tuesdays for about three months they all know us and the waitress really doesn't care. Now if the manger is here of course they get all strict about it but he is like never here so it's all good.

"Thanks Jen," I smile taking my coke from her before setting up the game of pool "Ok who wants to lose first?" I smirk causing the boys to laugh.

"Little cocky aren't ya Brookie?" Heath laughs.

"Nope I just know I am better, plus the fact only Tony and Jay have beaten me since we have started coming here." I shrug "8 ball or 9?" I ask.

"Well I'll play you and I say umm…9." Jay says after sometime thinking and I nod as I set up the table. I take my cue get some white powder and take my shot knocking in the 2 but I hit the one first so it's all good. The next shot I miss so Jason goes and it goes back and forth until it comes to the last ball.

"Wait B you have to call your pocket." Tony tells me and I stop to think. I hate picking the stupid pocket because I suck at it, but it's the rules.

"Fine," I groan "Umm…that one." I say pointing to the top corner pocket that probably has some name to it but I don't know and take my shot making it. "Yes!" I squeal with excitement giving Heath a high five since he is closes to me.

"Nicely done little sister." Jay laughs hugging me.

"Well thank you big brother." I smile pulling from the hug and taking a seat next to Nash, "Ok Tony you and Heath can play." I say, normally we play where the winner keeps playing until they lose but Heath decided to do a tournament halfway through mine and Jason's game. So whoever looses between Tony and Heath, plays Nash and the loser of that plays Jason and the winner plays me, or something like that, I didn't play much attention to what they said just told them to tell me when I play and they laughed at me.

"So B how is life?" Nash asks as we watch them play.

"Oh you know I am living," I shrug as I chew on my straw watching the boys play. "Oh I love this song, Nash dance with me please!" I beg to the dirty blonde next to me.

"Ok." he laughs, me not really letting him answer as I drag him out to the floor dancing. Ok I will confess I flirt with Nash, we do it a lot but it's pretty innocent because he is close like a brother, which sounds weird since we flirt but whatever you get what I mean. His hands rest on my hips as we move to the music and I run my hands through my stringy hair as we dance. The room is hot and I can feel my head glisten with sweat which makes me mad since it will mess up my make up but then again this bar is full of old people from our small town, really other than us no one in their early 20's or late teens come here on Thursday well because of school on Friday, which I don't have to worry about. Now Jay has work tomorrow but I think he is bartending and it's the night shift so yeah that's fine and Tony is out of school looking for a job so he can put his degree to good use. But again back to the point no one here I am trying to impress.

Soon the song ends and I am breathing heavy, and all of a sudden the coke I chugged moments before hit me and I seriously have to pee. "Ok boys I am going to go touch up my makeup, I'll be right back." I tell them grabbing my purse and I can honestly say I know all four boys eyes are on me as I make my way back to the restrooms. They always watch me and I just want to laugh like the two second walk from our table to the bathroom someone is going to grab me and kidnap me or something, but then I kind of smile liking I have people worry about me.

I go to the bathroom and fix my makeup and rub my finger trying to make my smudge eyeliner look well not so smudge. I fell really dizzy for a second and I brace myself on the sink to steady myself from falling, as my eye sight goes a little fuzzy. I know what it is I haven't eaten. Even out with Aiden today I just picked at a few of his French fries, and when I say picked I mean I ate like 5. I blink a few times regain my balance and walk out of the restroom and just like I thought the boys are watching me make my way to the table. Tony ordered me another coke while I went away and I thank him.

So through the night Tony beat Heath, I beat Jay, Nash beat Heath so he is out and then Nash lost to both Jay and Tony so he is out. I just played Tony and lost and then Tony played Jay and lost. Now we flipped for next game and Jay and Tony are playing again and winner plays me and loser is well out.

So while they play I sit between Heath and Nash talking about how some girl in the back corner had been eyeing Nash all night.

"I think you should talk to her." I tease rocking into him.

"Ok she looks like a man…" he said squinting a little "Ok maybe she is a man." He says making us laugh "And I am not drunk enough for that." he tells us in complete seriousness and I just laugh falling into Heath who is also laughing.

"I think you two would be cute don't you Heath?" I ask and he laughs.

"Oh yes I can see it now the perfect little relationship and marriage in the making."

"Oh I totally can too. I can see her be like oh Nash I love you so much…" I mock "You are so such a great boyfriend Nash…" Heath says looking at me "Oh Nash yes I will marry you." I say and me and Heath again break out into uncontrollable laughter.

"Guys shut up it are not funny." Nash says pouting.

"Oh don't pout you big baby." I say to him pinching his cheek like one of those annoying Aunts who do it to babies "We are just kidding."

"I'll show you kidding." Nash says grabbing me and pulling me into his laugh tickling me.

"Stop it!" I laugh squirming in his arms, "Heath man help me." Nash tells his friend who also starts ticking me.

"No, stop…" I say between laughs "T, Jay help me!" I squeal.

"Sorry in the middle of an important game B." Jay laughs taking a shot.

"Please, I am sorry I didn't mean any of it I love you both please stop!" I beg and jump out of their grip and stumble back crashing right into someone "Oh god I'm sorry..." I say spinning around to the person I hit just to realize who it was "Lucas?"

"Umm…hey Brooke." He smiles, "What you doing here?" he asks.

"Oh I'm just out with my boys." I smile pointing behind me, and I can see every one of the boys' eyes behind me eyeing Lucas.

"Your boys?" he question and I swear I see that jealousy look I thought I saw this morning but I can't be positive, but before I can answer his question I hear Tony behind me.

"B what are you doing it's your turn." He calls and I just roll my eyes at his over protective tone.

"Ok just a sec…" I say to him and turn back to Lucas "Who you here with?" I ask noticing no one around him.

"Well I am meeting an old friend but he isn't here yet." He tells me and I nod.

"Well if you want you can hang with us until he gets here?" I offer and he says sure, "Umm…guys this is Lucas, Lucas this is the guys. Jason, Tony, Nash and Heath." I introduce and they all do that guy nodding thing that I don't get instead of just a hello but whatever boys are dumb. "Lucas was at Rachel's house. He is Nate's big brother." I explain and they all again nod, and I feel weird not sure what to say next.

"You any good at pool?" Jay asks and I feel better, and not surprised he was the one to talk to him first.

"Yeah, I'm ok." Lucas shrugs.

"Well we have like a tournament going and our Brookie here is in the championship and I already lost to her once. So how about you take my spot and knock our princess off her pedestal." He suggested and all the guys laugh but me.

"I am not on a pedestal!" I pout putting my hands on my hips, "You guys just suck!"

"We don't suck we are just intoxicated." Heath explains and three of them agree with a nod.

"I'm pretty sure Jay wasn't the first time I bet him." I say in a matter of fact tone.

"Oh touché but now we will see who is better. Lucas are you drunk yet?" Nash asked.

"Nope this would be my first beer tonight." Lucas tells us holding up his beer and taking a sip.

"Good, because I am just going to beat him." I smile proudly "Jen get my boys another round." I call to her and she nods, "Come on Luke I am going to beat you at another game." I smirk referring to the game of beer pong last night, but I see the confusion on the boys faces but I ignore it.

"Ok let's see what you got." He laughs as I set up the game.

"No B we want 8 ball, to prove who is better." Jay says and I just groan an ok as I set up the game.

I break and make nothing and that makes me not so happy. I don't want Lucas to make the first shot and I definitely don't want him to win because then the boys will be right and I will not let that happen.

"Ugh!" I growl after missing shot again. So far Lucas has made all his balls but three including the eight ball and I still have four balls including the eight ball which sucks but still the game is not even close to being over, well that's what I thought until he knocked in two balls back to back.

"Shit..." I mumble to myself and the guys laugh.

"Looks like I may win." Lucas smirks from over my shoulder and I won't even lie, I got all sorts of goose bumps on the back of my neck by his warm breath.

I notice that the boys are ordering another drink and I look over at Lucas who is bending over the table for his last shot. I take one more look at the boys to see them not paying much attention and slowly make my way over to Lucas leaning close to his ear whispering "Don't miss." And he just cuts his eyes at me locking them on mine and taking his shot without even looking.

"I won't." he whispered his face still intensely close to mine, I think maybe even closer now then it was this morning if that is even possible and I hear the ball go in.

"Ugh!" I growl throwing my hands in the air, ok so my plan failed. I really need to work on my guy distraction thing; Rachel or Theresa would have made him so nervous by their closeness he would have missed. But of course me being close to him and whispering in his ear with my warm breath has no effect. Ugh!

"Wait Brooke just lost." Heath cheers and all the guys turn their attention to us laughing and high fiving Lucas.

"Yeah whatever I just had an off…" I start but pause when I feel another dizzy spell taking over my body and I stumble back some.

"Whoa B you drink already tonight?" Nash laughs and so does Heath but I see both brothers' face and even surprisingly Lucas's face turn to concern and Tony puts up his head to silence the laughs of his best friends.

"Brooke you ok?" he asks taking a step closer to me but I just squeeze my eye tight and run my hand to my head for a second.

"Yeah…" I finally say "Just must be the smoke and stuff." I tell him but I know he doesn't believe me.

"Brooke drink some of this…" he says handing me my drink but also holding on to my arm to steady me and soon my dizziness and fuzzy vision fade, "You ok?"

"I'm fine T really I just need to step outside for a sec to get some fresh air that's all." I tell him.

"Well I will come with you." He says but I shake my head at that.

"Tony I am 18 I don't need you babysitting me." I argue tired of being treated like a child "Ya'll set up another game, I'll be right back." I tell him as I walk out of the bar and loving the cool breeze on my face. I lean up against the wall past where some people are outside talking and take some deep breaths and as soon as I hear footstep I feel annoyed "Tony I said I was fine!" I snap turning to face him but surprised to see Lucas not Tony. "Oh hey..."

"Hey… I just wanted to make sure you are ok." he tells me and I think it's sweet. I don't know what it is about him, I have known him less than 48 hours but feel comfortable by him. I don't know its calming being next to him.

"Yeah I am fine." I say waving him off "Just guess with the heat in there and smoke it just got to me." I tell him and he nods as he also leans up next to me. "So your friend here yet?" I ask.

"No he text me while playing pool and said something came up and he couldn't make it, I don't know some girlfriend thing." He shrugs and I just nod as we stay silent for a few minutes "So I'm surprised you're not with Rachel and Haley. I mean isn't there something at Rachel's house tonight?" he asks.

"Yeah they are having like movie night or something, just didn't want to go…" I shrug.

"Why? I thought you guys were like attached at the hip. Or did ya'll fight again?" he asks and all of a sudden I shift uncomfortably thinking about what we argued about, well it wasn't really an agreement just an annoying talk about Lucas, then I think about how close me and him were in bed and then I feel my heart race. "Brooke? Hello?" he said waving his hand in front of my face.

"Oh yeah…what?" I say looking at him but then remembering what he asked "Oh no we didn't…I just get tired of hanging out with the whole couple thing. It's not so fun when you're the only single one." I tell him and he nods clearly understanding "Plus they know Thursday nights are my boys' nights." I tell him.

"Yeah…" he kind of whispers looking out at the parking lot, "What up with that anyway?" he asks and I just look at him confused to what he means "They whole hanging out with four older guys I mean." he clarifies and I just kind of laugh.

"Well…" I say pushing off the wall and standing now in front of him, "Tony, and Jay, well Jason are my brothers." I tell him.

"And the other two?" he whispers and just like this morning brushing my hair behind my ear and letting his hand linger on my cheek.

"Friends…" I whisper.

"Just friend?" he questions as he pulls me closer to him and his lips move closer to mine.

"Just friends…" I whisper back as I stand frozen.

"Brooke!" I hear someone yell and I jump back from him and almost laugh when I hear him mumble _not again, _but I don't just turn to where the voice was coming from. "There you are…" Jason says walking towards us and I toss a glance at Lucas then at my brother.

"Here I am." I say with a small laugh, thinking maybe Rachel and my brothers are like on a team to not letting me kiss this guy.

"We are going home to play beer pong." He tells me and I nod since I know that was the plan. Since I can't drink when we go out, we always go home and play a couple rounds of beer pong, just so I can have some fun. Truth is I usually have fun just hanging out with them at the bar even if I don't drink but I don't turn down a game with my boys.

"Umm…ok…" I say "Bye Luke." I smile with a wave and he nods.

"You can come too, if you want." Tony tells Lucas as he also makes his way over to us along with Nash and Heath. "You can just call your friend and tell him to meet us at our house."

"Oh well he can't meet tonight." Lucas tells him.

"Well then you can join if you want. We need someone to else to make teams even." Nash explains and a part of me wants him to say no. Only because twice we have hung out and he has come close to kissing me and that makes me nervous but then another part wants him to say yes because I want so badly to kiss him, ugh way to confusing.

"Well if you don't mind." Lucas says looking over at me almost asking for approval.

"You should come…" I finally say "I mean Nate is with Hales at Rachel's so you can just hang out with our awesomeness." I smile making everyone laugh and Lucas says ok. "Great lets go." I say taking my purse from Heath and climbing into my car.

"You know B, if Lucas here doesn't mind I may ride with him." Tony says and I feel extremely nervous that he wants to have that I am a big brother and have no problem going back to jail talk. But he didn't really go to jail for some scary murder or something crazy, after his DUI he sat in a ceil for a few hours but still.

"Umm…why would you want to do that?" I ask nervously playing with my keys.

"Well your car is just way to tight and plus he has a bad ass car." He tells me and I just laugh and let out a sigh of relief, he does have a nice car. It's like a dark red mustang or something, I don't know, all I know about cars is colors.

"Hey my car is bad ass." I defend patting the roof.

"Sure it is…" Lucas teased and I roll my eyes at him.

"I bet it could beat your ass to my house." I challenge.

"Well since I don't know where your house is probably so." He laughs and the guys laugh with him.

"Ok fine, all you boys get out." I tell them and they look at me confused "Get out..." i repeat and they all climb out, as I walk over to Lucas. "Come out of here take a right, first neighborhood on the left and the house on the hill, and since you have ALL the boys." I saying glaring at all of them "I'm sure you want get lost." I smirk and see a smile playing on his lips.

"And when I win what do I get?" he asks and for a second I almost tell him an actual kiss, until I realize one I would embarrass myself by my lack of kissing skills and two my brothers are there.

"Loser does three shots before the first game." I suggest, and ok that maybe a lame deal but he says ok and sticks out his hand which I take and I feel chills just by that.

"Ok good." I smile walking away trying to knock the stupid smile off my face as I climb into the car and line up next to him, as he hits his gas revving his engine and I just roll my eyes.

"HIGH RISK DECISIONS ARE BEING MADE!" I hear Nash yell from the back seat and I start to laugh.

"Ready…" I say locking eyes with Lucas.

"All day baby." He smirks and I laugh at his cockiness, before yelling go and slamming my foot on the gas, as you hear tires squeal and smoke go up, as we both peel out of the parking lot.

Being we live right down the street and it almost 2 in the morning, no one is really on the road we are taking, which is good since he pulls ahead of me and I just hit my gas pulling next to him and giving him a wink as I floor it and pass him and see the shocked look on his face at my engine and I zoom passed. He tries to pass me but fails and soon I pull into my neighborhood and then my house. Jumping out and sitting on my trunk while he pulls in a few seconds behind me.

"God what took you so long?" I say with a fake yawn as they all get out of the car.

"That's not fair I didn't know that your engine was well fast..." he says walking over to me and I laugh.

"Well who shouldn't assume things. You never judge a book by its cover." I smirk patting my car and he just looks me up and down making me blush a little.

"I guess not." he says and for a second I think he is talking more about me then my car, but that thought gets interrupted by Jason yelling at me to come unlock the front door. "Come on…" I say jumping of my car grabbing his hand, "I want to beat you at something else." I say and he laughs as I drag him into the house.

* * *

Walking into my house I am not surprised to see my mom sitting on the couch waiting for us to get home, but I am to see Aiden and Kylee up since they have school tomorrow.

"Hey mom…" I smile kissing the side of her head, "And shouldn't you two be in bed?" I ask and Aiden just shrugs and I can see Kylee looking at Lucas beside me and I want to laugh. "Umm...everyone this is Lucas he is Nathan's big brother." I explain. "Lucas this is my mom, Kylee and Aiden." I say pointing to everyone.

"Hey Lucas, I am well these peoples mom." My mom says pointing at me, Kylee and my brothers, "Well when I claim them." She finishes and they all laugh, and I notice Kylee has this big dumb grin I know too well and mouths _he is cute _and I roll my eyes at my baby sister.

"Yeah he is hanging out with us tonight." Tony says and my mom nods knowing if Tony has his seal of approval then it's ok.

"Yeah he also beat our Brookie here in pool." Nash says placing his hands on my shoulders from behind me.

"Oh really?" my mom says.

"Yes, ma'am." Lucas smiles and I kind of find his nervousness cute. But then again I doubt he planned on meeting my whole family tonight, actually I doubt he ever planned on meeting my family at all.

"Oh please honey don't call me ma'am it makes me sound old." My mom says and we all laugh.

"You are old mom." Kylee says making us laugh and getting a smack from mom.

"Yeah and you have school in the morning so you should be in bed." She orders "Both of you." She tells both Aiden and Kylee who roll their eyes and get up and give me and the boys a hug night.

"Night Little man." I smile kissing his cheek as he rubs his tired eyes and heads upstairs.

"Night skank." Kylee yawns hugging me "We will discuss gorgeous over here tomorrow." She whispers.

"Ok…" I laugh "Night whore." I tell her and she heads upstairs then my mom stands up.

"Well since my daughter so kindly pointed out that I am old I must go to bed too. You all behave." She tells us giving us a kiss and hug night.

"Always..." I say and she gives me that yeah right look.

"Night momma Davis." Nash calls and you hear a faint night before the door closes.

"Ok now time to let this loser over here drink." I tease rocking into Lucas who laughs as Tony sets up the shots.

"Wait since I beat you at pool shouldn't you do some?" Lucas asks taking a seat at our kitchen table.

"What!? No." I answer quickly, as much as I enjoyed doing shots with Lucas the night before. I hate vodka shots, they are strong and gross and I know three will burn so bad.

"You know I think my man here has a point." Jason laughs smacking Lucas on the back and then the other boys chime in and agree.

"Ok I am your sister you two aren't supposed to encourage underage drinking." I say pointing at both my brother who laughs a whatever and Tony fills three shots for me.

"Ok ready…" Nash asks as they all stand there and I take a seat in front of Lucas who has an annoying smirk on his face.

"No…" I say cringing at the thought of it.

"Set…." Heath says.

"Wait…" I say nervously taking the cup in my hand.

"Go…" all four of them say at the same time.

"Shit!" I growl throwing one back after another. And just like I thought the cold liquid burned all the way down and if Lucas wasn't here I would so burp. But I can't because there may be a chance he likes me even if it's a small chance it's still there, I mean he did try kissing me not once but twice...Right? Well anyway burping in front of him would be gross.

"Nicely done B." Nash says high fiving me and I just make a funny face still tasting it.

"Well thanks Nash…" I thank him standing up and giving him a hug "Now let's play beer pong…Me and Nash against Lucas and Tony." I say and they all agree and start heading to the garage setting up the game.

* * *

Now we are in the middle of our third game of beer pong and I am feeling funny. Nash and I won the first game, barely but won and then lost to Jason and Heath and had to finish up their beers, which was only two cups each but we filled all cups almost to the rim. Heath got a phone call from his girlfriend and they were fighting in the Tony's room and I took his place in the game of Lucas and Tony vs. Jason and me while Nash watched. After about the fifth cup I drank in this game I might actually be feeling a little drunk.

This is weird since I have never felt like that before, I can normally hold my alcohol really well but not right now and my eyes are a little blurry and I can't seem to stand still, I keep swaying. Which doesn't go unnoticed by my brothers who now have game on pause. "I…I'm…I fine I promise." I slur and take a shot completely missing.

"Ok so maybe filling the cups high and making her do three shots before was a bad idea." Lucas comments and I can see the worried look on his face, well I think its worry I don't know because I step back and when I do I fall into the garage door almost crashing on the floor but Nash caught me. "Whoa baby girl…" I hear Nash say and I let out a small laugh.

"No it's not the drinking, I mean it is but its more isn't it Brooke…" Tony says in a pissed tone and I know what is coming out of his mouth next "Brooke have you eaten today?" he ask and I roll my eyes.

"Tony…" I say annoyed.

"No B he is serious have you?" Jason asks and I don't want to be hearing it from the both of them right now, so I just lie.

"Yes." I say with a straight face and they both just look at me.

"When?" they say together and I let out a small giggle "Brooke…" Tony says in his I am your older brother listen to me tone.

"This morning…" I say standing up straight and fixing myself "I had breakfast with Rach and them…" I say and see Lucas give me a no we didn't look and I just give him a look that says _don't even say we didn't_.

"Is that true Lucas?" Jason asks.

"Yes it's true!" I argue not letting him answer. "God why won't you ever believe me?" I ask, oh that's right because I am lying. "I also had something with Aiden, you can go question him also!" I snap knowing they won't wake my little brother to ask and also by the morning be over this talk.

"Sorry Brooke you just hold your alcohol better." Jason sighs and I feel guilty about lying.

"Yeah well I think I am just going to head to bed. Nash can take my spot." I say trying to carefully watch my words so I don't slur and brush past them heading down the hall to my room. I feel like I ran into the wall the whole way there but get to my room shutting the door behind me. I take off my sweater and pull off my jeans, pulling on my cheer shorts then stumbling falling into my bed and pull my covers tight around me. The room is definitely spinning and if this is what drunk is I don't like it at all. "Ugh!" I groan pulling my pillow over my face hoping maybe it will stop the spinning but it doesn't. Then I hear a knock at my door and I get more annoyed "I swear I am fine!" I snapped not pulling the pillow off my face as I hear the door open.

"Brooke?" I hear and I lay there a second trying to figure out whose voice that is. It doesn't sound like Tony or Jason but I think I am drunk so I may not be hearing well. "Brooke…" I hear the whisper again and pull the pillow off my face to find.

"Lucas?" I ask squinting my eyes through the dark room trying to see if that was him.

"Ok good I'm glad I got the right room." He says with a small laugh shutting the door behind him as he moves through the room and sitting next to me on the bed "Why did you just lie?"

"What?" I ask sitting up in my bed squeezing my eye shut then opening them. "What are you talking about Lucas?" I question.

"You haven't eaten today have you?" he asks.

"Ugh not you too." I growl falling back onto my pillow, that feels really good I might add and if Lucas wasn't on my bed right now I am more than sure I would be asleep already.

"Brooke I am just worried about you." He tells me and I open my eyes too look at him, and sit up on my bed not caring how close I am to him right now because I am so tired. I just want to finish this talk and go to bed.

"I don't need you worrying. I am a healthy 18 year old girl who just drank too much." I tell him.

"You sure?" he questions and I just nod as we both sit there and I notice him looking down at my lips then back at my eyes and I'm pretty sure that means he wants to kiss me but just to be safe I won't go for it first. "You and Nash seem close…" he whispers and I feel my heart race.

"That's because we are." I tell him, and kind of hoping that this moment won't get interrupted again and also wonder why he gets so close to my lips then makes a comment instead of just doing what we both want him to do. Well I think he wants to do I know I want him to, and this liquid courage in me is making me more than sure that I am not nervous of not knowing what to do.

"But you don't have feelings for him?" he asks taking another glance at my lips, but instead of waiting for him this time I just go for it. I let my hand rest on the back of his head and lock eyes with him before whispering "None." Then crashing my lips right into his.

As soon as my lips hit his the nervous come back and now I am confused on what I am doing and wondering why the hell I didn't make out with that guy I had my first kiss with when I had the chance. Least even if it was bad I would know somewhat of what I am doing, but then I feel his tongue run across my bottom lip and I freak slightly at the feeling but then part my lips just enough for his tongue to enter. I pull on the back of his neck and fall slowly back on my bed bring him with me.

Even not having anything to compare to I am more than sure he is a very good kisser. I start to relax in our kiss until I feel his hand run up my back under my tank top and I again feel my body tense up, but I don't stop him.

I slowly roll us over so I am on top of him and feel kind of proud of myself for acting like I am taking some control in the situation. Yet now I am cursing myself for not pulling my hair back when I got in the room because it is falling all over him, like he is almost lost in it and I know it smells like a bar. I know this because I can smell it but he doesn't stop, just sits up with me in his lap still not taking his lips off mine yet my hair is now not in his face.

I feel him tug on the bottom of my shirt and my nerves go in to over drive because I know what he wants me to do and I am not so sure I want to do it, but I also know I don't want to stop kissing him. I guess he decided to stop on the shirt since he just turned us over in my bed and now he is hovering on top of me but finally moving his lips from my mouth, which I am kind of glad for since I kind need to breath and is it weird my lips feel almost numb? Maybe it's all the alcohol in me because right now my whole body feels pretty numb.

I guess while my mind was thinking so much he moved his lips to my neck and I feel so stupid when I let out a giggle because it tickles.

Yes I did, a hot guy is kissing me and I freaking giggle like an idiot but he doesn't seem to notice, because he is still sucking hard on my neck. And soon that giggle turns into something else as I feel these tingles all over my body I have never in my life felt before. They aren't the ones I got when he was breathing on my neck it's something completely different I can't explain it but it feels good, really good.

I feel something building up in my throat and that again is something I never felt before until it comes out "Lucas…" I gasp and it almost scared me when he jumped back from me, and just stares at me with his hand on his lips. "What?" I ask nervously as he continues to just stare at me breathing all heavily, I mean I didn't think I did something wrong but now I think I just screwed up bad. Yet I didn't know what I was supposed to do it just kind of came out.

"God what am I doing?" he whispers and I think it's more to himself but I answer for him anyway.

"Well I thought you were kissing me but I guess not anymore…" I say and pull my sheet close to me all of a sudden feeling very exposed to him even if I am still completely clothed.

"Brooke I am in your house…your mom is upstairs and your brothers are down the hall." He freaks and I let out a sigh of relief that I didn't do something wrong. "Plus you are drunk!"

"I'm not…I am not drunk." I try to defend but it's no use since now the room is spinning again.

"You are, you are very drunk." He tells me, "I'm sorry…I'm sorry…" he keeps saying as he walks towards my door and out of my room and I just sit there holding my head and looking at the door "What the hell just happened?"

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	5. Chapter 5

"Ok my head hurts…" I say to myself as I open my eyes looking at my clock to see it is almost 8. Why is it that on nights I drink I always wake up early? I mean other nights I will stay up past 3 sometimes 4 and wake up at like 11 but no, on nights I drink I wake up early really early and right now I feel gross. I throw my sheet back and run my hand tiredly through my hair as I stumble across my room and into my bathroom that I have connected. Ugh I can smell my hair gross.

"Damn!" I curse as I feel my head pounding, which is weird since I don't remember drinking that much, actually I don't remember too much from last night. I turn on my shower and let the water turn warm while I get my towel out of the closet. I hear my mom talking to the kids in the hallway and though most times when I am awake before they leave for school I tell them bye, I'm not today because I am more than sure I am completely hung over. I won't let them see me like this since, it makes me think of my father and I don't want them to compare me to him nor do I want my mom too. So I just jump in the shower and though most days I love the hot liquid on me right now it's too hot and making me sick. I wash my hair real quick and body then jump out and I am not even completely wrapped in my towel before I throw up.

"Nice Brooke nice." I say to myself as I get up and pull on some t-shirt and a pair of jeans. I brush my teeth and run a brush threw my wet hair, not caring to blow dry it right now. Since its Friday I know Heath and Nash are somewhere in my house so I put on some make up but not too much. Just enough to cover my break outs and give my very pale face some color. Now normally when I know people are in the house that is not family I won't leave my room without makeup but with Nash and Heath I don't really care anymore. I look at myself in the mirror and rub my tired eyes as the mirror starts to un-fog up. Then I notice a mark on my neck.

"What the hell?" I say looking at it "Did I fall or something?" I question looking at the purple, reddish mark on my neck. I don't think I fell, yet I do slightly remember falling into the garage door…I think. Ok I don't know how people handle getting drunk and forgetting their night because I don't like this feeling at all.

I hear the garage open and I know my mom is leaving so it must be almost 9 and the kids are already on the bus so I feel safe to leave my room. I walk down my hall rubbing my eyes to see Heath like most Friday mornings asleep on my couch. I bet I can tell you Nash is in the office couch or the spare bedroom whichever he found first.

I start my normal Friday morning routine by first making coffee. Normally the coffee smell wakes up everyone, well everyone but Jason and that's because his room is upstairs so I have to wake him up, but then we all watch some TV drink coffee then go out to eat. It crazy how much I eat after our nights of drinking, I'm sure the food I consume could feed a small country which makes my family more than happy.

I hear a door open, guess Nash made it to the guest room I laugh as I hear him shuffle his feet into the kitchen. "Coffee will be done in a second." I yawn leaning on the counter staring at the coffee pot. "What time did you all g…" I start saying turning around to see not Nash but Lucas, "Lucas? What are you doing here?" I ask confused.

"Well I was a little too drunk to drive home last night." He tells me all nervous like and I don't get why he is nervous.

"Ok but why are you in my house? I mean how did you even find it?" I question and he gives me a puzzled look.

"Brooke do you not remember last night?"

"No…I mean I remember going to the bar with the guys…" I tell him I sit there a second trying to remember the rest of the night "I kind of remember running into you…did I race you?" I ask and he nods "Yeah I kind of remember that…" I say rubbing my temples that are still pounding "I remember…umm…" I pause thinking and then my eyes widen and look at him "Oh my god!" I whisper as my hand quickly covers that spot on my neck I noticed this morning. "Shit!" I freak brushing past him.

"Brooke…" he calls following me down the hall to my room "Brooke you think we could talk please?" I hear him ask but I just keep ignoring him as I rush into my bedroom shutting the door completely embarrassed. I can't believe I did that. I totally made out with Lucas last night and I can't even remember it until he makes a comment about it. God I must look like such an idiot, such a major idiot.

I go into my bathroom to reexamine my neck and then feel even worse. I look like ten kinds of death and Lucas saw me. "God!" I growl digging underneath my sink for my makeup. I realized I forgot my damn purse in the living room which has most my makeup in it. Like my foundation and eyeliner and stuff, yet Kylee sometimes uses this bathroom to get ready for school so I found some of her makeup I can use. I quickly cover the spot on my neck and then blow dry my hair and then finish my makeup.

"I need clothes!" I freak digging through my dresser. So looking like crap in front of Nash and Heath is totally ok but not Lucas, not after last night and not since I clearly don't remember most of it.

However while getting ready it starts to slowly come back to me. I remember him coming to check on me and I think I kissed him first. Yet I think maybe he wanted me to kiss him. Oh my god what if he didn't want me to kiss him? I mean that would explain the weirdness this morning.

However I also didn't remember kissing him and ran away from him so that may explain the weirdness. Ugh this sucks. I hear a knock on my door and I swear I jump ten feet off the ground, "Umm…just a sec…" I call to whoever is behind the door as I throw my pillows on my bed and some dirty clothes in my closet. "Come in…" I say as I sit at my desk finishing straightening my hair.

"Hey…" I hear Lucas say quietly shutting the door behind him.

Of course Lucas comes in and then I freak again and my body gets all tense and I can't bring myself to actually look at him. "Umm...hey…" I say nervously standing up and unplugging my straightner and walking into my bathroom.

"Could we talk?" I hear him say.

"Sure what's up?" I ask causally walking out of my bathroom still not making eye contact with the boy standing in my room. Then I think about how most girls would love this scene, a hot guy in your bedroom and everyone in your house passed out somewhere and I'm sure one day I would like this scene but not today. Not now. Actually right now I wonder why neither of my brothers' boy radar went off and stormed in here yet. I mean shouldn't even asleep they know when a boy is 100 feet from me let alone right next to my bed. Speaking of bed that would be a good distraction not to actually look at him, so I think making it properly would be a good call and that's what I do.

"About last night…" I hear him behind me and he trails off like he isn't sure what to say. Like he wants me to finish his sentence but I don't know if I can finish that sentence since I'm not too positive on all the facts just that we made out. I don't even know if it was even good. I pause from my bed making and for the first time since he entered make eye contact with him.

Hell who am I kidding look at the boy even drunk I know he was a good kisser and truth is right now since I am sober all I want to do is kiss those lips again.

"I'm sorry I freaked out…" he tells me and I look at him confused until it slowly comes back to me.

"_Brooke I am in your house…your mom is upstairs and your brothers are down the hall."_

"_You are, you are very drunk."_

"Oh yeah…" I say looking down biting my lip nervously "It's ok…" I finally shrug walking back over to make my bed "I mean guys kiss me and freak all the time, I guess I am just insanely good and it scares them." I lie but hear him let out a small laugh behind me which then makes me nervous, was I bad? Was I that bad of a kisser that he laughs; even though I was joking he doesn't know that. "What?" I say turning to look at him "Was I that bad?" I tease raising my eyebrow at him and though he thinks I am kidding I am completely serious wanting to know his answer. I just want to know if I was not a good kisser, is that bad to want to know? And yes I know he won't actually come out and say 'Sorry Brooke you were terrible' I can totally read body language well and I will know by how he moves if it's true or not.

"No you weren't bad." he grins the cutest boyish grin I have ever seen and I feel pretty good about myself with his answer because he doesn't look at the ground, or shoves his hands in his pockets. He just locks his eyes on mine and says it and then when he says "You are actually a pretty great kisser." I know he isn't lying since that wasn't even needed to be said, and it actually makes me blush a little.

"Actually? Like you thought that I might be bad?" I tease and he laughs, "But then again that would mean you have thought about kissing me. And since I vaguely remember me kissing you last night, I highly doubt that thought crossed your mine sober." I sigh a little turning back throwing my sheet up and letting it fall onto my bed.

"Why do you do that?" I hear him question.

"Do what?" I ask confused not looking at him, not wanting to look at him. But then I feel him move through the room towards me and I feel nervous again. The small not caring attitude gone now and when he takes my hand turning me to face him those damn tingles come back again.

"Act like you are impossible for a guy to actually think about." He whispers "Like there is no chance a guy could actually like you or something?" and the question kind of catches me off guard since I didn't think anyone else has noticed that before, and I open my mouth to say something but for once in my life they don't come out. So he starts again "Like at Rachel's the other night, how you said Theresa thinks all the guys want her and it's that guys wanting you is impossible and then you back track and say you didn't mean that I was actually into you or anything." He tells me and I just stand looking at him. "Why do you think no guy wants to kiss you or wants you?"

"Because it's true." I whisper as he sits on my bed and I'm standing while he rests his hands on my hips and letting his thumb rub my bare skin that is exposed. And I wonder how one small gesture makes me nervous.

"No its not…" he says almost annoyed with my answer and I feel a whole new set of nervous take over my body, and I can actually see him a little nervous which surprises me, that I can actually make someone like Lucas nervous.

"Yes it is Lucas…" I tell him "I mean all my friends have guys on them all the time…guys don't do that to me. Guys don't want me." I say sadly.

"I want you…" he whispers to me and I feel my body tense and wonder if he knows the effect he has on me.

"Lucas you don't know me…" I tell him and its true he has known me a little over two days so how can he possible think he wants me. Maybe he wants me in a way that isn't emotional but more physically and I am not like that. My friends might be but I will never be ok with just sleeping with someone who doesn't care for me.

"But I want to know you." He tells me and I almost believe him and wonder how a guy can say all the right things. Have the right answers to everything and I feel my guard go up and I slowly take a step back from him letting his hands fall from my body.

"Lucas I am not like most 18 year old girls." I tell him and he looks at me confused "I mean I hang out with my family most days and I just sit around my house hanging out. Other than going to Rachel's I don't do really anything. I mean last night was like the first time I actually got drunk and I have problems. I am…" I pause looking for my words "I just have problems I am trying to figure out."

"I could help you…" he says easing off my bed walking over to me taking my hand again. I want to think he is telling the truth but he has known me not long at all how can he want to help me.

"Why? Why would you want to help me?" I ask searching his eyes for an answer but I can't seem to find it.

"Because I have known you less than 48 hours yet my mind is consumed with thoughts of you." He tells me and again I feel scared. "And all I have wanted to do since I met you was kiss you…" he tells me brushing a piece of hair behind my ear "And after last night when I finally got too I couldn't help myself from wanting to be with you more." He confesses, and I am shocked. No one says stuff like that to me; I never thought anyone would want to say stuff like that to me.

"Lucas I am not like those girls…" I tell him again and I really don't want to confess to him I am actually a virgin. I mean I want him to know that I don't just sleep with people, but I don't want him to think I am too pure like my friends. Like I would never be open to the option of sex just it would be farther down the line from now.

"What does that mean?" he ask confused "What do you mean you aren't like most girls. I don't get it."

"Lucas I don't…" I say stepping away from him and walking back over to my bed and sitting down playing with my fingers, focusing on how my toe nail has chipped paint and needs to be redone, I notice that I should really paint my room I notice everything, focus on anything just so I don't have to look at him.

"You don't what?" he asked walking over and sitting next to me and placing his hand on my leg.

"Lucas I'm a virgin," I whisper looking down and then letting my eyes look quickly at him and at first find his face a little shocked, I wouldn't say it freaked him out, I mean I don't know if guys hate the fact a girl they may like is a virgin or like it. Like I said before my experience with the opposite sex it not so much and I really need Rachel and Haley here to figure these things out.

He stays quite for a second and it kind freaks me out, like it was an over share or something. But don't you tell guys that, I mean if they may like you they should know. And plus if he thinks I was just going to be a fun hook up, which I honestly don't think he does, but even so I need him to know I am not like that. "I know that maybe an over share…" I finally say getting off my bed and again find myself standing in the middle of my room. "I don't want to freak you out or anything. I just thought you should know that. I am not like most girls my age Lucas, I don't and I won't just sleep with some guy because he says all the right things and wants a fun hook up." I tell him and see him ease off my bed walking over to me again, and I wonder if this time when he gets to me if I will stay still or walk away again, and if so where will my next spot be. I really don't want to sit on my bed with him because that would be... I don't know I just don't and I can't just keep moving around my room because then I will just look retarded. I could maybe… I start but completely lose my train of thought when I realize his face is right and front of mine and he moves his lips kissing me again.

Yet this kiss isn't like the one we shared last night, well from what I remember. It's just short and soft and gentle. One I really wanted to savor as he pulled away with a smile.

"That doesn't freak me out…" he whispers and I just let my eyes stare at my carpet and think maybe I should wash it this weekend. But then he lifts my chin to look at me and I think maybe he might kiss me again and if it is a sweet kiss like a second ago I am all for it but he doesn't kiss me just whispers "Just one more perfect thing about you." and then I find myself trying to search for another reason to tell him I don't want to be with him. Yet it's a lie I want to be with him even if I barely know him. There is just something about him that makes me… god I don't know just makes me feel something I haven't felt before. I guess I just…I am afraid to be with him for the since I could get hurt, like with Shane and that hurt bad and I don't know if I could go through that feeling again.

"That's the only thing perfect about me…" I tell him with a dry laugh and that I truly believe. Other than being a virgin which I guess people can classify as perfect or pure, I am a mess a complete wreck. Why would he want that because I am more than certain he could find someone way better.

"Well why don't you let me be the judge of that huh?" he smiles and I swear I am just becoming putty in this guys arms, his safe feeling arms.

"Because what if you realize it after I fall for you and you leave me broken?" I ask in such a small voice I feel like I sound like a child. Like a child who is shaking and scared and just wants someone to be like it will be ok, I will make sure everything is ok.

"Well then we can be friends…" he says and I am almost sad he gave up that quick on it. Like maybe my little fact did freak him out and he is trying to back track now, "We can be friends get to know each other and see what happens…"

"You want to be my friend?" I ask and see him sigh a little.

"Well no but it's a start." He tells me and I nod.

"Ok then friends." I say and he smiles. Yet then I realize how we are standing. His arms are once again on my hips and one of his fingers is even looped through my belt loop like he was holding onto me in case I tried to walk from him again, while my hands are laying on his chest and my thumb rubbing a piece of the soft fabric. Our faces are insanely close and again I notice him glancing at my lips and I kind of feel good knowing he wants to kiss me, but then I realize if this friend's thing is how we are starting then we are doing it right and friends don't kiss and they don't hold each other like this. "I don't think friends stand like this." I say with a small giggle.

"Yeah you're probably right…" he whispers but neither of us dare to move. Just because I want to no other reason than that I let my lips push against his. I think at first he was surprised by my motion but he didn't stop me nor does he stop me now. I feel him rub his tongue along my bottom lip and I can tell he wants to deepen our kiss but I know he can't even if I want him too, which I do.

"Ok…" I say pushing him back from me, "Friends don't do that either." I say with a small laugh.

"You started it…" he said trying to play innocent but I can tell this boy is far from innocent.

"Yes only because I wanted you to have something to pine for these next few weeks." I laugh.

"Well maybe you should give me just a little more, I mean to be on the safe side." He grins grabbing my hand and pulling me back into him but I just place my hand on his mouth to stop him.

"Nope don't think so..."

"You know I think I am starting to understand where you get your nickname from…" he laughs and I know he is referring to my tease nickname Rachel called me the other night at her house and I just roll my eyes at him playfully and detangle myself from his arms walking to my door.

"Guess you will just have to see." I wink walking out of my room and hear him laugh then follow me to the kitchen. I make us both a cup of coffee and I try to hide the stupid grin on my face that has been plastered on me since I met Lucas, which I know is nuts but still. I just sit on my counter sipping my coffee tossing glances over my cup at him to find him just staring at me back with a smile.

"Morning guys…" Nash's husky tired voice says as he walks into the kitchen shirtless and in a pair of Tony's pajama pants, "Thanks…" he yawns taking my coffee out of my hand.

"Nash!" I squeal reaching from it "Give it back…" I pout "You won't like it anyway. You will complain there is too much sugar." I tell him and watch as he takes a sip and gets a disgusted face.

"Your right gross…" he says handing it back to me as Heath walks in much like Nash did with a yawn and a tired voice.

"Thanks…" he says taking my coffee cup for the second time this morning.

"Dude what the hell...Are you and Nash in cahoots' or something." I ask and he just laughs taking a sip of my coffee unlike Nash keeping it.

"Actually we are…" Heath laughs leaning up against the counter I was sitting on.

"Ugh I hate you both…" I groan jumping off walking over to make me another cup.

"You hate us?" Nash asks and I just nod yes with my back to them. "You hear that Heath…" Nash says cutting his eyes over at his best friend.

"I sure did and I am hurt Brookie…" Heath says with his hand on his heart mocking being hurt as they both make their way towards me.

"What are you two doing?" I ask turning to face them and the evil smirks on their face. "I swear if either of you touch me…" I warn but they don't stop, until they both have me in their arms picking me up. "Put me down…" I squirm in their arms.

"Nope…" they both say walking over to the couch and throwing me down and both fall on top of me tickling me.

"Stop…I'm sorry please stop!" I laugh and start moving under them but both keep going laughing.

"What's going on?" I hear Tony's voice ask.

"Tony help me!" I squeal but just hear him laughing and start talking to Lucas about the night before with some baseball game. "Nash, Heath please stop…" I beg as tears pour from my eyes because I am laughing so much.

"Not until you say you love us…" Heath says.

"Fine I love you…I love you." I say and they both pull off me and help me off the couch standing as I run my hair through my hair and fixing my shirt. "Ok now that is settled…" I say and they all laugh walking back into the kitchen, and I punch Tony hard on the arm.

"What the hell B!?" He squeals like a 5 year old.

"You didn't help me!" I tell him with a shrug as I finish making my cup of coffee.

"You seemed to have it handled." He shrugs reaching over me and taking my coffee.

"Damn it Tony!" I scream and everyone starts to laugh as Jay walks in "Look here Jay, I am making me another cup of coffee and if you touch it I swear to god I will shoot you!" I yell at him and he just looks at me confused as I pull out another cup an make my coffee 3 cup of coffee that morning.

"Thanks…" Jason smirks taking it and I just slam my hands on the counter.

"Ok I officially hate everyone in this room right now." I tell them.

"Hey I didn't take anything of yours…" Lucas laughs and I just throw a playful glare at him.

"Fine I don't hate you…" I say as I make me once again another cup of coffee that thank god no one takes "Now boys I am going to go change, and fix my makeup since these two idiots made me cry and ruined my make up." I say glaring at Nash and Heath and they just shrug "But be ready to go to eat by the time you I get out." I say pointing at each of them.

"Yes mom…" Tony, Jason, Nash, and Heath say together rolling their eyes at me which makes Lucas laugh harder.

"Ok now I hate you too…" I tell him narrowing my eyes on him and he shrugs, "Lucas!" I squeal smacking his arm. "You are supposed to be a little upset by this."

"No not really…" he shrugs again taking a sip of his coffee "I don't see you staying like that long." He smirks and I just grin at him, kind of feeling his comment was more about us being friends instead of the whole hating him thing.

"I like this guy Brookie." Tony says smacking Lucas on the back.

"Yeah he puts our little B in here place." Jason agrees and I just roll my eyes.

"Well then I guess I will just go and let you all have a weird crazy orgy." I say smacking Heath on the butt on my way out "Let me know when it's safe to come out of my room." I yell hearing them laugh as I fall back on my bed, grabbing my journal and flipping to a new page and writing one sentence.

_I am so screwed…_

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	6. Chapter 6

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**Hope you enjoy the new chapter **

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_Friends, I have many, Rachel, Haley, Nathan, Jake, Peyton, Bevin, Nash, Heath, by brothers, Kylee and even my mom. Which maybe lame but she is really my best friend. With her I can trust with everything, I can trust she won't use anything I say against me or tell someone._

_But back to the point when you describe a friend it is someone you trust, care for in a friendly way nothing more. Someone you can talk to and have fun with and I do all those things with the people above. But then there is a name missing from that list and that is Lucas._

_Over the past two weeks I have grown to know the brooding blonde and discovered many things. Like his favorite sport is basketball even though he doesn't play anymore or how he loves to just walk on the beach and relax. He hates his father much like I do and mainly because he disowned him when he was born. His relationship with his little brother he would never trade for anything in the world and he loves to read, which is so unlike me, I hate reading. He laughs at this fact and tells me everyone has to read, yet when I tell him I write he tells me it's kind of the same thing. But back again to my point with all I know about him I realize the more I think about it I don't think of him as a friend but something more._

_I will openly admit in this journal of mine that I have feelings for Lucas Scott. And I am scared, really scared by this because the more these feelings grow the more I risk getting hurt and I really don't want to get hurt._

_He has grown to be quick friends with both my brothers and Nash and Heath and though I love that. I love we all can hang out, it kind of scares me a little because as my feelings grow for him I am not sure if he still feels how he did that day in my room. He treats me like the guys treat me, I mean there is some flirting but not anything more than I do with the guys, but he makes jokes like them and it's just frustrating. I am afraid he will see me as Tony and Jason's little sister and off limits. I usually don't mind being off limits to their friends but I don't want to be off limits to Lucas, I want to be completely on limits. (Does that line even make since? Maybe Lucas is right I should read more.) But again I ramble but still, these feelings are crazy and hit me fast and I wonder if I should have just said yes that morning in my room because now he would be mine and I could actually kiss those gorgeous lips I haven't felt in two weeks._

_When we talk I find myself zoning out on him and imagining kissing him again. Just throw the friends thing out the window and dive at him, but I don't… I can't. I am growing worried that he hasn't mentioned being with me anymore or got that look he gets when he wants to kiss me. It worries me, it worries me so much._

_I have thought about talking to him about it but I haven't. We are all actually going out tonight, its Saturday and the bar we go to is having some kind of dollar beer night that the boys have jumped at, but I don't really want to go. Honestly I am only going because afterwards we are going to Rachel's. Well Lucas and I are going to Rachel's the boys are just going home. Like always I am driving tonight but since Lucas is going with us I am driving Tony's car._

_God help us._

"Brooke I am never driving with you again." Lucas says as I turn into the parking lot and the boys laugh. This is how it has been all week. They all seem to say something to me and they all laugh. Like it's let's make fun of Brooke week, and I am so tired of it. I mean Lucas is supposed to be my whatever he is but he is now my brothers' best friend, not my friend or possible boyfriend.

"I am not that bad, I just hate this car." I say slamming the door "Plus I am driving you all so you can drink so you all can just shut up." I say and they all kind of look at me as I storm into the bar.

"Ok Brooke don't leave a blood trial all the way to the table please." Jason calls and I hear them all laugh as the door closes behind me. I should just tell them it's not PMS it's because I am pissed, guys piss me off thinking as girls we can't just be pissed off, it has to be because we are on our periods but hate to break it to you all sometime we just like to be bitches.

I am already at the table and ordered me a coke when the boys come in "Brooke you order us drinks?" Tony asks as they all took a seat at the table. It's a round table and not to big but we all fit, Tony is next to Jay, then Heath then Nash then I am next to Nash and then Lucas is next to me, in between Tony and I.

"Nope, you are all big old boys and can order your own drinks." I tell him with no emotions as Jen brings me my drink. Tony gives me a weird look but I just shrug it off as they get their beers.

I feel goose bumps as I feel Lucas rub his hand on my leg and whispering "Are you ok?" to me as all the guys talk and I just turn to look at him with the biggest fake smile and say "Perfect."

They all laugh and talk and pretty much ignore I am there the whole night. The only time someone shows me they realize I am there is when Nash has a moment of rocking into me and making me let out a small smile. That is why I like Nash so much is because he makes me feel better, he makes me feel like not just everyone's DD or the little sister that has to tag along because they want to drink. He makes me feel like part of the group, like part of the friends.

"Oh no B listen…" Nash says pointing at the speaker as a song plays and I just laugh, it has become a habit when this song comes me and him dance. "You know what this means don't you?" he smirks standing up and reaching for my hand.

"I think it means that we have to dance." I laugh for the first time that night, taking his hand as we walk to the dance floor.

Like most nights when I dance with Nash, his hands hold onto my hips and I grind my body into his. He starts telling me something while we are dancing and I start to laugh losing my movement for a moment but quickly getting back into it. I glance up and see Lucas staring at us, like instance staring and for a second I enjoy because then maybe it proves he actually cares for me, and not Tony's or Jay's little sister because that is how I felt for this week.

"What's up with you two?" I hear Nash whisper in my ear and I break gaze my eyes from Lucas and turn back to look at Nash over my shoulder.

"What you mean?"

"Well there is something since he looks more than pissed that we are dancing." He says with a laugh and I look back up at Lucas who looks away to my brothers and starts talking to them, "On top of that I saw your pretty little hickey, that morning after we first meet him."

"What?" I freak turning to face him and forgetting the dancing. I cover my neck with my hand almost like the mark is still there but it's not, it faded after a day or so later but still I didn't think anyone noticed it.

"It's ok Brooke I noticed it when we were wrestling that morning and before you ask your brothers don't know." He says and I let out a sigh of relief on that fact. "Just you need to be careful Brookie." He says in his over protective tone, one that sounds much like one of my real brothers.

"I didn't…I mean we didn't do that." I tell him and he gives me a questionable look, "Nash I swear I have never done _that_ before." I tell him and he nods and I feel like he believes me.

"Even so you are very sweet and important to me, to all of us and we want you to be safe and careful." He tells me in all seriousness brushing a piece of hair behind my ear "If you two become something and I don't know if you are yet, or what it will become, know I will always be here for you and if he hurts you I will kick his ass." He says with a small chuckle, but still serious.

"Thanks Nash..." I laugh giving him a light kiss on his cheek "I love you, you know that."

"Yeah I love you too crazy girl, now let's go I am tired and need to get another beer." He laughs wrapping his arm over my shoulder as we walk back to the table.

"That was a quick dance." Heath commented as we take our seat.

"Yeah well you know I get what I want from Brooke and I'm done." Nash shrugs making everyone laugh, everyone but Lucas who just kind of sits there.

"Thanks Nash, I really love you too." I say grabbing my coke and sipping on it while they all talk. I feel a little better with my mood since Nash seems to notice Lucas may feel something for me. Something that I thought I lost when I told him to get to know me first.

"You ok?" I whisper placing my hand on his leg and he just looks at me almost mirroring my fake smile before and whispering "Perfect." Yet after that he doesn't seem to talk to me much, actually I think the only time we actually talked was when I snapped at him walking in and then when I asked nicely to play pool and he said he really didn't want to and now the night is coming to a close and the only thing I can come up with is that;

I think we are fighting.

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"Ok Brooke thanks for taking us." Tony says as we climb out of his car.

"Yeah that's why I am here." I say sarcastically as I hug them all and head to get in my car, since it is just Lucas and I, I am driving my car. Because I will show I am a good driver.

"Well have fun, be safe and text one of us when you get there." Jay says as I unlock my car.

"Ok I will, love you all bye." I saying blowing a kiss and getting in the driver's seat, playing with my iPod for a song as Lucas says bye to the guys and climbs in. I am actually feeling kind of nervous since we have only hung out just us two one other time the rest someone was always there, and then I am nervous to head to Rachel's since no one really knows about whatever we are. I haven't even told them we made out which is not normal for me to keep secrets from Rachel and Haley, I just didn't want to say anything until I knew what was going on between us two.

Now of course they questioned why I was bring Lucas but I just said he ran into the boys at the bar one night and became close friends. Which really isn't a lie because that did happen; I just didn't say Lucas ended up in my room and in bed with me.

The ride to Rachel's is about 10 minutes long but I guess the fact it's almost 1 and Lucas hasn't said a word to me the whole ride it feels like a lifetime.

"Hey can you hand me my purse?" I ask him as we stop at a red light and he just reaches down under his feet handing it to me, again without a word. I pull out my eyeliner and fix it while we wait for the light to change, "You have fun tonight?" I ask trying to make small talk but failing badly.

"Yeah." He shrugged staring out the window.

"Ok…" I say as we pull into Rachel's neighborhood. Again we are in silence until I can't take it anymore, "Are you mad at me or something?" I ask looking over at him real quick then back at the street.

"You know I thought you said all the guys were just your friends." He says and I look at him confused as I pull into Rachel's driveway but neither move to get out just sit there.

"That's because we are all just friends, I mean hell they are my brothers."

"Heath isn't your brother and Nash sure as hell isn't your brother." He argues.

"Ok why don't you just say whatever the hell it is you want to say." I snap.

"I want to know what is going on between you two?" he all but orders me and I again have no clue who he is talking about.

"Who!?" I yell "I can't read your damn mind Lucas!"

"Nash! That's who!" he yells back and I seriously can't believe this conversation is taking place. "Because from where I was sitting you two are extremely friendly."

"Well I wish I had your seat because I don't think of him in any other way then a friend!_"_

"Right…am I your friend?_" _He asks but before I can say anything he is out of the car heading to the door.

"Lucas!" I yell after him as he spins around to face me.

"Because you kissed me Brooke and you also kissed him so who knows maybe you just kiss everyone!" he screams and I so bad just want to smack him right now. "Maybe you and him are just getting to know each other first and seeing how it goes."

"Are you kidding me right now?!" I yell throwing my hands in the air "Is this conversation actually happening?"

"Yes it is happening and all you have to do is admit it! Admit you have feelings for him!"

"Go to hell Lucas!" I snap pushing past him into the house slamming the door right in his face. And walk in the kitchen to find everyone already drinking. "Hey skanks." I say putting on my fake smile and hugging Haley and Rachel real quick.

"Hey honey you ok?" Haley asked brushing my hair of my shoulder and I just nod I'm fine as Lucas walks in.

"Lucas hey!" a drunk Theresa squeals running over and hugging him and I just scuff, what I slut.

"I need a drink…." I mumble more to myself as I walk over to the fridge and grabbing a beer, "Anyone want one?" I yell locking eyes with Lucas "Because I may just drink them all I mean you know how I am." and ok maybe that really didn't make much since but I think Lucas understood what I meant.

"Sure Brooke if you can spare a single one for me." Lucas says in the fakest cheery tone I have ever seen, everyone notices it, everyone notices the tension, and I don't even give a damn anymore.

"Sure Lucas," I smile matching his fake cheery tone "Here you go." I say slamming it into his chest "Enjoy…" and walk into the living room to watch whatever movie is on the screen.

"Brooke…" I hear Rachel say behind me and I wipe my tear real quick, cursing myself for letting some stupid random guy for upsetting me. "What's up?" she asks sitting next to me and I just shrug. "Brooke something is wrong…" she tells me and I just look at her and do what I have seen to do so well...lie.

"Nothing is wrong Rach I promise, I just got mad because while hanging out tonight Lucas was an ass along with my brothers and I just was tired of it all. I'm sorry if I ruined your night." I tell her and the latter part is true. If I messed up her night and made things uncomfortable I truly feel bad.

"You didn't ruin anything…" she smiles that best friend smile standing up "Now come on lets go beat those assholes at some drinking game." She smiles reaching out her hand which I take as we walk back into the kitchen laughing.

"Brooke you are just in time to play Lucas and Theresa in a game of beer pong." Nathan tells me "You get to be on my team." He adds and I smile walking over.

"Oh Natey lets beat these losers." I smile again my fake smile as we start.

I have never played a game that I wanted to win so bad in my life. I was so pissed at Lucas that I wanted to just beat him, I didn't care if it was some lame ass beer pong game, and I wanted to win. It just seemed as every time I would make a shot so would Lucas, I was just lucky that Theresa was drunk and sucks and Nathan was pretty decent.

"Oh man I missed another." Theresa whined like a child and I rolled my eyes, she was so dumb thinking the dumb blonde act still actually works on guys. I always felt like you can play that role for a bit but then it just gets annoying and Theresa is differently getting annoying. Plus she has a damn boyfriend! Am I the only one who remembers this?

"Come on Brookie." Rachel cheers as I take my shot and make it, Lucas drinks it and now Theresa takes a shot and surprising to the whole house makes it.

"Yes!" she squeals throwing her arms around Lucas as I pick up the cup to drink. I raise the cup to my lips ready to chug until I look up at Lucas who is just staring at me. I can't read the look but before I can get really a chance to Theresa grabs onto Lucas's neck pulling him into her and kisses him.

It shocked everyone in the room but I think it shocked me the most since my beer falls out of my hand and on the floor. "Party Foul!" Tim yells and I guess his voice pulled the two in the lip lock out of their daze because they pull apart and if you ask me Lucas didn't really look like he wanted to. I just stood there staring, feeling like a complete idiot, but then that idiot feeling turns to being pissed completely pissed.

"I think this games over why don't we watch a movie." Peyton suggests and everyone nods but me and Lucas who just keep our eyes locked on each other. I don't know what his look says but I am more than sure he can see the small amount of hurt in my eyes but also the anger. I can tell he wants to say something to me, I just don't know what, yet he doesn't get a chance since everyone but me heads to the living room. I tell Rachel I will clean up what I spilt and be out in just a second.

"Such a dumbass…" I curse to myself as I scrub the floor with a paper towel. "I am a complete dumbass." I repeat. You see what just happened with Lucas and Theresa just shows why I never get the guy. We didn't even date, we didn't even do anything and I feel this pain. I thought he liked me, I thought there was a chance for something but he just went all stupid and asshole like.

I hear foot steps behind me and I know it's him he doesn't even have to say a word and I know it's him. You want to know why I know, well even completely pissed at him, all enraged my stomach stills gets damn butterflies when I feel him near, asshole. I don't say anything I just stand up tossing the paper towels away then running some water over my hands.

"Brooke…" he sighs and I honestly don't want to hear what he has to say not anymore.

"Looks like you are the one who kisses everyone not me." I hiss pushing past him and walking away before he can speak, "Oh also…" I pause turning to look at him "Me and Nash, you know my so called lover…" I say cringing at how gross that actually sounds "We were actually talking about you, and that kiss you think I did, was a peck on the damn cheek." I finish walking out.

"Brooke…" he calls following me but I don't stop. "Wait…" he says grabbing my arm and I can actually see in his eyes he feels kind of bad but I don't care he still kissed freaking Theresa.

"No…" I snap looking over to make sure no one can hear me before turning back to him "I don't really care because me and you.." I said waving my hand between us "aren't anything, so just go find Theresa and have a ball. She is actually pretty easy so since Rachel's mom isn't home you should just use her room." I hiss before walking back over to sit on the floor watching the movie and avoiding Lucas's gazes the rest of the night.

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	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for the reviews last chapter **

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_I couldn't believe last night. It was so uncomfortable that I left. Rachel fought with me to stay saying I shouldn't be one driving home at 3 in the morning and two driving since I drank something. Yet I told her the buzz I had was gone, and that was true as soon as Lucas's lips touched Theresa's any buzz I might have felt was out the window. I promised to text her when I got home and left. _

_Lucas text me asking where I was and why I left and I just told him that my room was free don't do it in Rachel's moms bed because that would just be gross for her parents and I will just tell Rachel to wash the sheets before I sleep over again._

_He never sent back._

_Ugh why am I feeling bad about this? Why do I feel like I did something wrong when I didn't. I mean we aren't even anything, we aren't a couple, we aren't talking, we are just friends yet still here I sit writing and feeling guilty. I haven't talked to Lucas at all today and it's now almost 5 in the afternoon. I really want to talk to him but I'm not, I just can't stop thinking about him and Theresa together, even though I admit he looked shocked at first he didn't pull away. Then I sit here thinking if they did end up sleeping together, after he said that he wasn't after me for that, yet I know if he did sleep with her there is no chance I would ever be with him in that way or any way._

_Yet he probably doesn't even care what I feel anymore. I was pretty bitchy but he was an ass for no reason. Like I would have any feelings what so ever for someone who is almost like my brother. God just thinking about it makes me so mad. I just want to go back to before I met him and before he kissed me and before it all. I just want to go back. Go back to not caring, not wanting to be with him and I mostly want to go back to the morning of saying I want to be his friend, I want to go back to say I want to be with him._

"Hey B…" Kylee smiles as she bounces into my room followed by my mom, "We got some coffee." She smiles handing it to me and they both sit on my bed.

"Well thanks, but what do I owe this little get together." I laugh and they both roll their eyes at me much like the eye roll I give many times.

"Well we wanted to talk." My mom says and I just give her a what about look, "Let's see, why you came home at 3 in the morning that I am very upset with you about." She tells me and I just look down running my finger over the rim of my coffee cup. "Then after we have that talk we are going to talk about what has you so very happy for the last two weeks then so not happy now."

"Oh I bet I can answer that one." Kylee says and I roll my eyes at them, see we all do it and it all looks the same.

"Oh yes Kylee I do too." My mom says narrowing her eyes on me "So why don't you tell us."

"There is nothing to tell. I was tired and wanted my own bed so I came home. I text both of the boys before I left and plus I hadn't really drank and anything I did drink wasn't bothering me." I tell her but she just gives me that look. You know the one I'm sure only moms can give that says _you know it was wrong I don't care how you reason it and if you do it again you are grounded _and I just nod ok.

"Well now tell us about you and Lucas." Kylee smiles with excitement but it falls when she notices me again look down at my cup. "So it's bad huh?"

"Its whatever, I don't really care." I say getting off my bed and walking into my bathroom to find, well actually nothing just having to move. Kind of like I did that morning Lucas was here and then I get pissed again thinking about it.

"Ok well now will you come sit down and tell the truth." I hear my mom call and I just lean against the bathroom door frame and crossing my arms over my chest.

"Fine, we met at Rachel's house talked some, we shared a bed, but before you speak no we didn't do anything. He almost kissed me but he didn't because well Rachel interrupted. I left her house came home went out with Aiden. Thought about him some but not much, ok small lie I thought about him a lot. Then I ran into him at the bar he beat me in pool I got dizzy needed air. Yes before you ask I hadn't eaten that day but lied and said I did. Ok I know I was stupid but whatever yell at me about that later." I ramble and see them both nod as I continue "I go outside to get some air and he comes outside to check on me…"

"That's so sweet..." Kylee smiles.

"Yeah well he isn't so sweet and don't interrupt," I tell her and they both laugh making me laugh "Well anyway, he checks on me and we talk and he asks what was with me hanging out with four older guys and I explain it all. Then he says so just friends and I say just friends and then he goes to kiss me but this time Jay interrupts."

"Ugh!" Kylee groans at it and it makes my mom laugh.

"I know right, I was like is the world against us ever kissing. But anyway we come here you meet him, we play some beer pong. I get tired and go to my room because I was drunk and some stuff happened…" I trail off not wanting to get into the whole eating thing again. "But anyway I was in my room pissed and he came in and we talked and then we kissed and then the kiss turned into a make out and then…"

"Eww!!" they both yell jumping off my bed making me laughing. "Did you at least change the sheets?" Kylee asked.

"God no we didn't do that!" I laugh as they both ease back on the bed feeling better about it "But ok he like jumped off the bed saying how bad he felt weird about it because we were in my house and mom and the boys were here blah blah blah…" I trial off.

"You know I am not seeing the bad in this whole thing other then you thought about maybe having sex with him." my mom says and I can tell how uncomfortable she is by saying it. Now my mom is not a prude, she knows one day I will have sex but she also knows that day isn't right now. She told me once I was like her in the way that I will tell every guy no, but then one will just come by and knock me off my feet and I will want to be with him. And by the way she just said I thought about it, she knows Lucas maybe that guy.

"I meet him the night before mom, there was no way I was going to sleep with him. I mean you think I held onto this for 18 years to just give it up like that?" I question.

"No but if you two do end up together I give it less than two months." She says and my mouth drops to the floor.

"Mom!" I yell making her laugh.

"Oh mom come on we both know B…" Kylee smiles "Thanks Ky…" I smile at my baby sister. "Yeah I mean I give her less than two weeks." She says and she and mom both start laughing again.

"Ugh! I hate you both!" I snap hitting them both with my pillow. "Well anyway the next morning I remember like nothing that happened," and I notice the worry look on moms face by this but I just shake my head at it and keep going "then he comes to talk to me and tell me how he likes me. And I guess it freaks me out because I tell him he doesn't know me so how could he like me. He tells me how he wants to get to know me. So we decided to try as friends and get to know each other."

"Brooke!" Kylee yells hitting me "All you do is bitch about not having a guy but when one comes a good one you tell him you want to be his friend? What is the matter with you?"

"I don't know ok, I just got nervous. I mean I have never had a boyfriend. Or even had a guy care for me and just too many things come with that like…"

"Sex." Mom says and I nod.

"I know it sounds dumb, but I never have to worry about it. The pressures of it or anything like that because I don't have a boyfriend. It is nothing I have to deal with right now it was always farther down the line in my life."

"But then if your with Lucas it will comes up." She says and I just nod sitting next to her "Ok look I would never encourage my 18 year old daughter to have sex with someone, someone she barely knows but that will come up at some point. And when it does you will know you're ready. You will feel safe with him and comfortable and nothing else will matter. Because I know when you do sleep with someone it will be because you love them and I know he will love you back." she explains and I nod hugging her because, well just because I love my mom.

"But for what it matters…" I sigh pulling out of the hug "me and him I am more than sure will never happen."

"Why?" the both say together "Because…" I sigh again "He got all jealous about me and the guys…"

"Getting jealous is not always bad it shows he cares." My mom tries to reason rubbing my back but I just shake my head no.

"We fought last night… he got mad about it and said how I like kissed Nash or something..."

"Did you?" Kylee asks.

"No!" I snap not meaning too. I know she isn't why I am mad but she is here and I guess it was easier to yell at her since she will love me not matter what. "Sorry Ky I'm not mad at you I just got so angry. He said how I kissed him and I kissed Nash so must just kiss everyone."

"Brooke you have kissed only two people. That one guy and now Lucas, and I believe when you said you didn't kiss Nash because I know you would have told me." And that's true I normally tell Kylee everything just been busy and letting my mind go crazy to really talk lately.

"I know… but still. So on the way to Rachel's we started fighting and I pretty much told him to go to hell. Then while we were there he…" I trail off really not wanting to talk about stupid Theresa.

"He did what?" the both asked together again.

"He kissed Theresa."

"Gross!!" they again speak together and if I wasn't sad would laugh at the fact, and also they hear Theresa and also think gross.

"Yeah I mean I guess maybe she kissed him, I don't know nor do I care. I just knew I didn't want to be there anymore so I left. I got the hell out of there and he text me asking why and I just sent a bitchy text back."

"You are so me…" mom says with a dry laugh and I just look at her "You let your pride get in the way. You let the thought of getting hurt make you stop from even trying to be with someone."

"Mom he kissed someone else."

"Yeah and instead of talking to him about it and letting him explain anything let me guess you said something about them getting a room or something like that?" she asks and I just look at her questioning if maybe she was there or something "Brooke… look if you are constantly looking for a reason not to be with someone, you will always find one."

"Yeah I know…" I say looking down and I know that I am just worried about getting hurt, about giving myself to him and then getting crushed.

"But also think, everyone out there has their meant to be, their one. And what if Lucas is yours?"

"Mom I am 18 he isn't." I sight but she just shakes her head.

"Age doesn't matter trust me. You can fall for someone and care for them this young. But you don't want to let your pride get in the way. You don't want to not go for him for the chance of getting hurt because there is a chance he could be the one and you don't want to miss that." she smiles patting my leg and standing up "So just think about it baby girl." She smiles grabbing my chin and kissing the top of my head, "Because all I want is you happy."

"I want you happy too." I smile.

"Yeah well that is a whole different story." She laughs grabbing Kylee's hand "But just know when you should take a risk and who that risk should be on." She winks then walks out followed by Kylee who blows a kiss and follows.

I grab my journal and again right one quick sentence.

_Is he worth the risk?_

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	8. Chapter 8

_It's Tuesday and I haven't talked to Lucas in over a week. I have debated texting him about a million times but haven't done it. I just don't want to know what happened after I left the thing at Rachel's, nor do I want too. I figured if he wanted to talk to me he would text or call. Yet then I think about our first conversation about how you hope the other person is just sitting around wanting to talk to you but to afraid to do it. _

_You think he is just afraid to do it?_

_I wish that was the answer I wish I knew what went on in his head but like the other talk well fight we had I can't read his mind. I don't know if I would really want to either, especially if it's that skank on his brain. God what is her problem, I mean she has a guy why won't she just let me have one. I am not asking for them all I am just asking for one. _

_Just Lucas._

_I wonder if I would have him if I said yes that morning. I wonder if he would have gotten to know me and like me or if he would have gotten to know me and not. I figure it's the latter since he hasn't tried to talk to me since. Like he had an easy way out and took it, because I am more than certain that he is over whatever he thought we might have been. _

_Ugh what is wrong with me, I mean seriously. I never have a guy I never have one wanting me and I do and I turn it down. I deserve to be alone, I deserve not being with a guy since I can't do it. I guess it's always the fear, the what if part that scares me. _

_What if I get hurt?_

_What if I hurt him?_

_What if I sleep with him and he leaves me?_

_What if it all works out?_

_What if I fell in love with him?_

_What if? What if? What freaking if? Who invented that way of thinking? Who made a piece of your brain that thinks everything through before you do it? Because that's what I do, I will analyze everything the good, the bad, the risks, the gains. And every time I do it I will always think the worse and I will always assume it will happen to me. _

_Lucas was right I don't think anyone wants me, I feel like I am impossible to love. And I guess it maybe because I have never had someone care for me, and I am not lying no guy has ever liked me, well not that I know of. Everyone swears Shane had feelings for me, they tell me I must be stupid if I honestly think he never did. But all I would say is that's why we are not together now._

_I don't think I want him anymore. I don't think I would run to him if he came to me right now, but then I know I would. Even with Lucas here if Shane came up to me right now and said he missed me, wanted me I would not hesitate like I did with Lucas and that's because, it's because…ugh why can't I just say it. Why can't I just say those three words that I know I feel for Shane? I have only said them one time and it was to Rachel and that's because I was crying over Shane and upset and it slipped out. However I have never said it since because I feel like those feelings couldn't be real, more like they shouldn't be real._

_I think Shane is the reason I told Lucas I wanted to be friends at first. I think it's because I still have such strong feelings for Shane and I don't want to start going out with Lucas to feel nothing and hurt him. I would never want someone to feel how I felt when Shane's feelings weren't returned. It hurts and sucks and I wouldn't do that to someone. _

_I'm not saying I don't have feelings for Lucas because I do, I mean I think I do. I know it hurt seeing him with Theresa and I know I have missed talking to him the past week but is it because I have actual feelings for him or a friendship is it because it's new, it's someone showing interest in me and that excites me or something real. Yet I do know every time he was near me, or touched me my body raced with tingles, I would get goose bumps all over and when he kissed me, god it was so good._

_Why are feelings so hard to figure out? And is it just me who has these problems or does everyone? I want to talk to my friends about it but I don't because I know Rach and Hales if I tell them whatever happened between Lucas happened they will be pissed because of the kiss he had with the skank. And I also know my Rachel; she didn't get the name bitch because she bakes cookies for the homeless. She got it because she protects us and she will so call Lucas out, make him feel shitty because she can make anyone feel shitty and then she will embarrass me. I love her I do but she does embarrass me with guys, like blowing up on Shane that day. She goes I don't like them; I don't want to be their friend so why do I care, and all I think is because I care! Because I want to be their friend and I don't want to fight and it makes me look just terrible. So that sweet person Shane thought he knew was replaced with thinking I was just a bitch which maybe why our friendship swindled down to nothing._

_Ugh I just…I just hate all this heart stuff._

I finish up my journal and I need a walk I need to get out. Mom and the kids are at work and school and I am just home with the boys. I hide my journal, do my makeup and head downstairs.

"Hey guys I am going out." I tell them as the watch TV.

"Alright see ya later." They say not even looking at me and waving. So I just grab my purse and keys and head out. I don't know where I am going, I don't know what I am doing just need some air and to relax.

The ride is relaxing, its quiet and I don't turn on the music, just let the silence consume me. Yet then I get hungry and that feeling is gone.

Yes alert the media I want food, I want some good old French fries. With lots of ketchup, and maybe even a cheeseburger, crap now I have to get some food. Now you ask what makes my body crave this food, what place is it that makes my day better and I could eat every single day and not get sick of it one word.

Brady's.

Yes I admit it; I am a Brady's addicted person. I am a Brady's whore and eat it way too much. It's like comfort food and I need comfort, I need a burger dripping with grease and I need those over salted French fries. God my mouth is watering thinking about it, yet you see I have a good friend that works there so I will just call ask if he is working and if he is I will go eat with him.

"David!" I smile into my phone, I have known David for years, like since 7th grade, he is older than me by about a year but I love the crazy man whore. "You working?"

"_Umm...Kind of I am about to go on break."_

"Perfect, I am coming by and we can have lunch." I tell him.

"_Ok B, see you soon._"

"Be there in 2 bye." And I hang up. I get there pulling into the parking spot and skip on in. David is behind the grill cooking, which I know is our food. "Hey David," I wave leaning on the counter.

"Hey babe I am making them, grab a drink and have a seat and I will bring it to you." He tells me and I just nod reaching over the counter and grabbing my cup then getting some sweet tea and walk over and sitting in the same seat I sit in every time I come here. I like this seat mainly because I can see everything, I can see everyone around me and why I like that I don't know but I do. I don't like having my back to anyone.

This place is not really crowded, it never has many people here and that is surprising because the food is so very, very good. My phone is going off and I dig threw my purse to find it and would it be wrong if I wish it was Lucas?

It's not.

"Hey Skank…" I say into the phone as I rip up a napkin.

"_Hey what you doing?_"_ Rachel asks._

"Eating lunch…why what's up?"

"_Nothing just you know everyone is coming over tonight you coming?_"

"Umm…" I pause thinking for a second stirring my drink with my straw "Who is everyone?"

"_I don't know everyone…What is up with you? We haven't talked almost at all the past week and when we do you rush off. We ask to hang out and you say you are busy. But I know you Brooke you are never this busy. So what the hell!_" Rachel snaps at me and it kind of catches me off guard.

"I just asked who was coming damn. And whatever I will be there ok so you all can stop bitching bye!" I snap hanging up and slamming my phone on the table. Why the hell did I just get bitched out for no reasons, and ok maybe I haven't been into the whole hanging with the group thing lately but I have just been busy, more busy in the since my mind not actual body, but still.

"Ok what the hell Brookie?" I hear and look up to see David staring at me. "Why did you just possible break your phone huh?" he asked sitting my food in front of me and sitting in the booth in front of me.

"Why do I have to hang out with them every day? I mean I am my own person and I don't have to spend every weekend or most weekdays with them." I growl pouring some ketchup on my fries, "I mean I love them I do but they just assume I should drop whatever I am doing and come running when asked and why? To sit and watch them all make out with their boyfriend, no thank you." I growl shoveling fries in my mouth.

"Ok, for about 5 minutes let's pretend I know what you are talking about." He says with a laugh.

"Rachel and Haley! Gosh David you are so dumb." I say rolling my eyes.

"Ok I'm sorry…" he laughs which makes me laugh. "Well I figured, but anyway you three are like connected to the hip. What changed?"

"What changed is..." I pause thinking.

"Do you not like hanging out with them anymore? Do you get bored with them?"

"No but not the point, I…ok…ugh!" I growl, "I just get annoyed them thinking I have to jump when they say jump and damn you David only you can make me confused. I hate you." I pout and he just laughs.

"Look B, first of all they don't think you jump when they want, because I am more than sure every time you call they come running." He says raising his eye brows at me and I just eat some of my food "and second of all I love you and all but I am not the only one to confuse you. You get confused easily." He teases.

"David!" I squeal throwing a fry at him "You are such a jerk."

"I am not a jerk and quit throwing things at me!" he chuckles but also starts pegging me with fries. We are both laughing and I realize why I love David so much, he lets me forget. He relaxes me and for a short period of time things are not so crazy or confusing.

"Brooke?" I hear someone say and call a times turning to look and see who it was, and of course it is the person who causes all the confusion I have felt for the past couple weeks;

Lucas.

"Oh umm…hey..." I say with no emotion, losing all the happy fun I was just enjoying. This didn't go unnoticed by the brunette in front of me.

"You ok Brooke?" he asked placing his hand on top off mine and I know David has no clue what has been happening with Lucas lately, hell I don't even know what has been going on between us.

"Yeah I am fine, umm this is Lucas. He is Nathan's brother." I tell him and he nods.

"That's cool, Nate is a close friend of mine, but umm… you want to join us? I could make you a burger." David offers pointing to the grill behind him.

"Umm…no thanks I was just grabbing something to go." Lucas tells us and I see him staring at David's hand on mine and I pull my hand back quickly as I start feeling super uncomfortable again.

"You know what I was actually heading out. I will umm...Call you later." I tell David and he nods but I know he is confused. He doesn't get why Lucas makes me all weird and I don't even know I just need to get away from him.

"But remember B they love you, I love you and I know you love them." David says standing up and cleaning up our food kissing the side of my head that I wish he didn't do since I saw Lucas tense up by the gesture, "And you owe me more fries next time." he winks then walking off leaving me and Lucas alone standing awkwardly both just staring at the ground.

"Who is that?" Lucas finally asks and I can hear the irritation in his voice and I just roll my eyes.

"Doesn't really matter, I can kind of hang with whoever I want." I hiss grabbing my purse and heading out to my car but of course he follows, which I should like. I mean most girls would love some guy that looks like Lucas following behind them but I'm not, because I know this is just going to be more of an argument and I hate fighting.

"You know for someone who says guys don't want them, you sure seem to have them around you all the damn time!" he yells from behind me and I just open my car door and throw my purse in.

"Look Lucas, all these guys are my friends, they see me as their friend! I have known him since I was in 7th grade, trust me if something was going to happen between us it would have by now!" I yell "But like I said a week ago me and you we are nothing! So what I am doing or who I am hanging out with is really none of your damn business!" I finish climbing into my car and slamming the door before peeling out. I sit there and feel some tears falling down my face and think one thing;

Damn my pride.

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	9. Chapter 9

**So today was just unbelievably boring. Seriously nothing accord so I decided to write. And because of my boredom I got two chapters up today instead of one. Which is good since I have work all week and next chapter won't probably be up until end of the week or this weekend. Thanks for the reviews and enjoy this chapter please c(:**

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I do not want to go to Rachel's house. I know he will be there and I know he will probably pick another fight with me. I don't want to fight, I don't want to even really see him but on top of that I don't want to argue with Rachel. I feel bad about this morning and I wish we didn't fight because I shouldn't have snapped at her, I wasn't angry with her and the whole talk with David I realized I am taking my anger again out on the wrong person.

I think everything is just building up and I am so sick of it. Also to add to the stress my father called, he asked to go out to dinner and talk. I know what the talk is going to be about; he is going to tell me what I should be doing with my life. What he thinks is best for me and what he thinks I would be good at. At the end of the day everything he wants is just about him. In his mind what we want doesn't really matter as long as it makes him look good.

God I hate that man.

I get in the shower and let the hot water fall over me. I close my eyes and let the water run on my face and all I think about in this moment is how mean I was to Lucas. Again. I guess if I really think about it I understand the confusion he has with all the guys I am around. I guess I do have lots of guy friends but it's nothing more than friendship, they don't see it as anything more than friendship. I prefer to have guy friends, don't get me wrong I love my best friends, I love Rachel and I love Haley but girl will screw you over. They are bitchy and will tear everything about you down, especially if they think you are competition, if they think you are trying to get something they want.

Much like Theresa, her little comments about my drinking, or how when she saw Lucas and I show up together, she jumped on him, kissed him. I honestly think she doesn't want him, she just wants to be able to say she got him first, that he wanted her and if I ended up getting him at some point it was just because she was taken.

I feel my lips tingle at the hot water and it upsets me some only because with that tingle I think of Lucas. But not the feeling of his lips on mine but how I don't really remember what it felt like to kiss him. I remember that when we kissed how it felt good and I liked the feeling I got from it but I don't remember what it felt like, his lips against mine, or his rough hands on me. I don't remember that feeling and I wish I did, because I know it was a good feeling.

I get dressed and look at myself in the mirror, my hair is straighten like normal, my brunette hair falls just below my shoulders and I wonder if I should cut it, you know have a change. I feel like I can't control many things in my life but I have control of my hair, what I do to it is my opinion only; I don't have to ask anyone. Yet I know if I cut it short I will just be angry and want it long again. I believe that country song, I don't remember the name of it but the line, _the straight-haired girls, they all want curls, and the brunettes want to be blonde__It`s your typical thing, you`ve got yin, you want yang, it just goes on and on they say, Hey! It`s only human to never be satisfied, well I guess that I`m as human as the next one, oh I keep looking, I keep looking for I keep looking for something more_, and I so believe that.

I feel no one really takes satisfaction in what we have. We don't be thankful and happy with the good things we have just focus on the bad, or what we don't have and what we want.

I do my makeup and brush my teeth and hair one last time and checking my appearance. I have on a pair of jeans and a white tank top; I grab my jacket just in case I need it as the night goes on and pack a bag for the night.

"I'm leaving!" I call to my mom as I walk out of my room, into the living room where everyone is watching a movie.

"Well you seem excited." Mom says sarcastically and it is almost freaky how much we are alike.

"Yeah I just got in a fight with Rachel, going to have to say sorry that's all." I lie and I know everyone in the room knows it too.

"So it has nothing to do with Lucas?" Tony asks raising an eyebrow at me. See told you they knew I was lying.

"No I don't care about seeing Lucas," I say rolling my eyes "Lucas is my friend, I mean I don't even know if we are friends. I think he likes you two more than me." I shrug "But I am going to go, I'll text you when I get there." I tell my mom giving her a kiss on the cheek "Bye guys." I wave and walk outside, and I'm not dumb I hear Jason go _yeah right _and Kylee say _it totally has to do with Lucas._ But I just ignored it because I don't want to fight with them anymore.

The ride is pretty quiet I don't turn on the radio I just ride with my windows down on the dark road. Its almost 11 and I know Rachel is wondering why I am not there yet since I normally get there about noon but not tonight. I just figured if everyone was there and I show up late then the less time seeing everyone and I can just go to sleep, but I would have showed up so I wouldn't get bitched at.

I pull into Rachel's driveway and hear the music from the inside and all the cars are there, all cars including a red one that belongs to a certain blonde. I notice Tim's car isn't here nor is Johnny's so they may not be here. But Peyton's car is, so Jake is also probably here and Haley's car in here, so since Lucas and Haley are here I know Nathan is. I see Theresa's car, damn it, but not Bevin's but Bevin sometimes rides with Theresa. I just sit there a little longer until my phone shows its 11:11 and like a nerd I make a wish.

"Please let tonight be a good one, one without any fighting." I wish then pull myself out of the car and to the front door. As soon as I open the door I hear laughing and joking but it sounds muffled which means they are on the back porch, maybe momma got tired of the smell of beer all over her carpet so she sent us outside. I just go up to my room and put down my bag, the room like normal is hot so I just crack the window to cool it down until I come to bed. Normally I love the hot but not in my bed, I can't sleep in a hot bed. As I head downstairs I hear Rachel's mom and dad telling them they were leaving. I also heard Rachel ask if I was there yet and heard the sigh when her parents said they didn't think so.

After hearing the back door shut I walk out into the kitchen, "Where you two going? Lover's getaway?" I smile noticing that bags in the couples hand as they turn to look at me.

"Oh Brooke you are here, Rachel was just asking about you." Her mom tells me.

"Yeah I just got here, was putting my stuff in my room." I explain and they nod.

"But with your first question, no not a lover's getaway, I have to travel to Mississippi for a few days and finally talked my wife here into coming." Her dad Mike tells me. Rachel's dad travels a lot, he sometimes take her mom with him but it takes some talking into and I guess this time he has done it.

"Well you two have fun I will keep an eye on your daughter." I tell them.

"Good because you are the good one." her dad teases and I laugh but know he is serious. Her parents always tell me they like having me around because Rachel seems to get into less trouble, I laugh at this because my mom says when Rachel's around I get into more trouble. But I think we just even each other out, I calm her down some and she just wilds me up, I think we both help each other.

"I do what I can."

"Well you do well, but we must be going we are driving all night." They smile both kissing the top of my head and heading out. I never understood why they leave at night, doesn't make much since to me but hell who am I kidding nothing makes much since to me.

After they leave I take a deep breath as I move to the back door and turn the handle and walking out, noticing like I thought Nathan, Peyton, Jake, Haley, Theresa and Lucas here. But Bevin isn't which upsets me that girl is pretty dumb but I love her.

"Brookie!" Rachel squeals hugging me "I'm sorry B, I was a bitch." She says pulling away from our hug, and everyone just looks confused at us.

"It's ok Rach; I know you are a bitch. It doesn't even matter anymore." I laugh and she smacks my arm, "But I am sorry too, I was just having a crappy day and I just yelled at the wrong person." I sigh avoiding all the confused looks and just hug her again "I love you kinky bitch."

"I love you too skanky tease." She tells me as we pull out of the hug and then I give Haley a quick hug and avoid Lucas's look. "So what, we not playing anything?" I ask noticing no cups, or table or anything.

"No we weren't really in a game mood; it must be because you weren't here Brookie." Nathan teases giving me a one arms hug and I just laugh.

"Yeah what can I say a party isn't a party without Brooke Davis here." I smirk.

"I would definitely agree with that." I hear Lucas say and I just look up at him. He gives me a small smile, and I return it before turning back to my friends.

"So what are we doing?"

"Nothing, we are thinking about just hanging out and maybe watching all the Saw movies." Jake tells me and I get nervous I hate scary movies and I don't want to watch like 4 in a row.

"Umm…ok..." I say and know it didn't sound to convincing.

"You ok Brooke?" Lucas asks and I start to wonder why he is being so nice to me, I mean we were fighting earlier but not now? What happened?

"She is fine; Brookie here has just never been into the scary movie thing." Peyton says.

"Yeah, don't sit next to her in a movie theater, hell don't next to her any time when a scary movie is playing because she will end up in your lap." Haley adds and again everyone laughs at me.

"Hey I just don't like a movie with someone who is completely nuts and killing people, and if you all like that then you all are the crazy ones." I shrug "That's all I'm saying."

"Don't worry B you can sit next to me." Rachel smiles wrapping her arm around me.

"OK thanks Rach, but where is your lover at anyway?" I ask just now realizing Cooper wasn't around.

"Oh he had something with Johnny, they said sorry but it was important. But it's not biggie you can just be my date tonight." she shrugs.

"Ok but if you think I am going to sleep with you, then your highly mistaken." I tease pointing my finger at her causing everyone to laugh.

"Yeah whatever…" she said grabbing my finger out of her face "Come on guys let's get this fun fest started." She smiles skipping into her house with me on her arm.

In the living room I feel weird, I am on the couch with Rachel which is fine, but also on it with Lucas and again this couch is pretty small, Peyton and Jake are on the floor all cuddled up which is pretty cute, and Haley and Nathan are sharing a big chair, while Theresa is on the floor in front of the couch leaning against it. We are into the second movie and I am hating it, plus it's almost 2 and I am tired and freezing.

"Hey B grab that blanket." Rachel whispers to me and points to a blanket that's behind Lucas, and I really don't want to ask for it. "Brooke I am freezing grab it." She tells me again and I just sit up.

"Umm…Luke…" I whisper and he just looks at me almost happy with the fact I am talking to him.

"Yeah…"

"Can I umm…get the blanket behind you." I ask but also pulling on it some and he leans forward for me to pull it out. However when he leans forward he is pretty close to my face and I feel those tingles I felt the first night we met here. I catch him looking down at my lips and I know what he wants to do and that makes me nervous, especially since everyone is around. I bit my bottom lips nervously and I didn't realize until now how bad I really want to kiss him.

"Brooke…" he whispers placing his hand on my leg and I pop back into focus pulling from him and handing the blanket to Rachel.

"You know I am pretty tired, I think I am going to head to bed." I tell her and she just nods as I get up giving everyone a goodnight before heading upstairs.

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God I again run away from him, he probably thinks I am completely nuts. I just don't want to think about it right now, think about kissing him, or any of it. I just want to go to bed.

I go into my room shutting the door behind me then over to the window that I opened earlier and closing it. And I am glad I did because the room definitely is cool now. Maybe a little too cold, I hear the door open and close and I know right away its him, I don't have to turn around but I know it's him.

I stay with my back to him for a few more seconds then I turn around to ask what he wants but before I even get out the words he is in front of me and his lips are crashed into mine. I was completely shocked, not expecting it and I think he notices that but doesn't pull away just wraps one of his hand tight around my waist as the other is holding on to the side of my face. I feel his tongue graze my bottom lip and I part my mouth so he can enter but as soon as his tongue touches mine I realize what we are doing and that everyone is in the house and everyone saw him follow me up here.

"Lucas…" I say pushing him away staring at him "What the hell was that?"

"I'm sorry." He tells me and walks towards me and leaning in and kissing me again. Again I let him do it and again I push him away.

"You're sorry but you do it again?" I ask but not really in an angry tone just what he is doing. What he is thinking.

"No I'm not sorry for kissing you…" he tells me and then I am completely lost, "I'm sorry for everything else." He explains and I just sigh looking at him before he talks again "I wanted to kiss you so I did." He tells me and I can't help but let out a small smile at that. He wanted to kiss me; he wanted to kiss me just like I wanted to kiss him. "And I want to kiss you again so I am going to do that." he tells me as he again dips his head down capturing my lips on his, but before he even gets a chance to deepen our kiss I push him back again.

"Lucas you can't keep doing that…" I tell him stepping away from him.

"Why? I want too, and I am pretty sure you want to kiss me too." He tells me and I know I can't lie to him because I suck at it and because I feel bad lying to him.

"Yeah so that's not the point." I object.

"Then what's the point?" he asks "Because I am completely confused here and I don't know what you want me to be doing."

"Lucas we were fighting earlier, we have been fighting for over a week. Hell we haven't spoken in over a week!" I snap.

"That's not my fault!" he yells back and I am kind of taken back by that comment. What did he mean it wasn't his fault, it wasn't my fault.

"What you mean it isn't your fault? You are the one who freaked about me being friends with the guys and you are the one who kissed Theresa and you are the one who messed up, not me!"

"Ok one if you were me and the girl you cared about was off dancing and flirting with some guy ALL the time and around guys ALL the time what the hell would you think?"

"Well if I actually cared about her I would believe her when she said it was nothing! I wouldn't shun her for the whole night then kiss someone else."

"She kissed me I never kissed her!" he screams throwing his arms up clearly annoyed.

"Yeah but you didn't pull away from her either." I sigh this time not yelling, not raising my voice just letting for once my sadness show, as I sit on the bed.

"Brooke…" I hear him sigh and I hate myself for letting him see that it actually hurt me.

"Did you sleep with her?" I whisper looking down not wanting to see his face, when I ask.

"What?! No!" and I let out a sigh of a relief as I feel him moving closer to me, and grabbing my hand pulling me up off the bed to look at him "How could you even think that?"

"Because I know Theresa," I shrug "I know when she wants something she gets it and I know she wants you."I explain and blink away the small tear I feel in my eye. I can't cry, not in front of him, not because of him. It would be crazy for me to cry over some guy I have known in the short time I have known Lucas but I can't help it, I can't help this sad emotion I feel by not being with him.

"But I don't want her…" he whispers leaning his forehead against mine "I want you." And him saying that I can't help but let the tear fall.

"I know you do… and I want you too, I mean I have spent this whole past week wanting to text or call you and hoping maybe you were sitting around wanting to do the same you just didn't know if you should do it."

"I did, I wanted to talk to you I just didn't know if you wanted to talk to me." he confesses to me and I just close my eyes taking in a few deep breaths not knowing why I was so nervous around him.

"I know…" I whisper looking up at him but still having his forehead against mine and his arms around my waist, "I care about you Lucas, I do. I care about you probably more then I should for the short time I have known you…" I say looking down "But…"

"Don't say but please don't say but…" he begs and I slip out of his grip walking over too look out the window, as he stays quiet behind me waiting for me to speak as I turn around to face him.

"It's just they are my boys." I smile sadly with a shrug "They are important to me and I care about each of them. I know you may find me hanging out with all guys weird, but it's really all I have ever done growing up. Since I was little I hung out with my brothers and their friends and I guess I just feel better around guys then I do girls." I tell him and he nods walking towards me and kissing me. It isn't like the kisses we have shared tonight; it is like that one that morning in my bedroom, its short and sweet but I love it. But then he pulls away once again leaning his forehead against mine and keeping both his hands holding my face.

"Just promise you don't have feelings for any of them." He whispers to me and I feel like if I put that part of his mind at ease things for _us_ will be so much simpler.

I place my hands on top of his wrist holding on to them looking down for a few second before looking back into his eyes so he knows I am not lying to him "I swear I don't have any feelings for any of them. The only love I share for them is as of a best friend or a brother."

"I guess I just got jealous of you two dancing together and flirting. I just didn't like his hands on you." He whispers.

"I know, I understand that, but believe me when I say that the feelings I have for you are completely different than the ones I share with them." I tell him and its true my feelings for Lucas I have only felt for one other person. And I know the more time I spend with Lucas the more my feelings will develop and the sooner my feelings for _him_ will disappear.

"What about…" he says but pauses, "What about the guy at lunch?" and I close my eyes wishing he didn't ask me about David, because we actually do have a weird past. I cared about him once a lot, but he never cared back, then he started to care for me but I had already started to care for Shane and my feelings for him were completely gone, and they are still completely gone. I just don't really know how to explain it all to him. "Yeah…" he says letting go of me and walking away this time, "You care about him don't you?" he ask and I just stand there with my eyes closed shaking my head.

"It's complicated." I whisper.

"How is it complicated you like him or you don't. Seems pretty easy to me."

"Lucas we have a past ok. I long weird past that even me and him can't explain."

"Is he the one you told me about?" he ask and now my heart races more since I know he isn't, and I know when I tell him no he will freak again.

"No, that was David not Shane." I confess.

"Great so there is another guy you have feelings for." He said throwing his hands up in the air and sitting on the bed.

"What about you?" I snap.

"What about me?" he asks looking up at me.

"You have that girl you said you love, Aislinn. You have a past, a past with a girl you love and were with for a long time. How am I supposed to feel about that? I mean you clearly have feelings for two people."

"I don't love Aislinn anymore, I am over her. I have been over her." he snaps back at me and then I feel even worse about all the feelings "Are you over it?"

"I have no feelings for David. I have no feelings at all for him other than a friendship."

"And Shane? What are you feelings for him?"

"I…" I start then stop, I can't lie and say I have none but at the same time I don't want to admit them and then he never give _us_ a chance.

"Yeah thought so…" He said standing up and walking towards the door.

"Lucas…" I say reaching for his arm to stop him "Please wait, please let me explain."

"Brooke there really isn't anything to explain." He sighs. "I don't want to be with someone when I feel like I am always trying to compete with someone else's for them."

"No Lucas look, ok we all have a past, we all have people in our past who we have had feelings for. Yes ok David at one point I had feelings for, but those are gone long gone. They are so far gone that you can't even measure the distance." I say waving my hands making him laugh and relaxing me some, "But ok…" I say sitting on the bed and pulling him to sit next to me, "I do have feelings for Shane, and I won't lie to you and say I don't because I do." and I see him sigh and I feel bad about it but I want to be honest with him. "But I do have feelings for you too…"

"But Brooke…" he starts but I just pull him into a kiss.

"Don't say but…" I smile repeating his words from before, "I like you Lucas, I like you more then I should and though I have feelings for Shane, I can honestly say that in the past few weeks I have known you I haven't even thought about him."

"What does that mean Brooke?" he whispers as I run my thumb across his bottom lip.

"It means that I can't just turn off my feelings for him in a few weeks that will take time. But I know that the more time I am with you the faster those feelings for him disappear but that also scares me because my feelings for you just grow more. And I really don't want to fall for someone again who doesn't have any plan on catching me this time." I confess to him and it's true I am just afraid of getting hurt and I know without a doubt Lucas Scott could hurt me. Then the fact he has sat there for a few minutes without talking freaks me out more.

But then he opens his mouth for a second then closes it again. It's like he is trying to find what to say, how he wants to word it. But then he has a small smile and turns to me and says "I want to be with you Brooke. If you want to be with me all you have to say is ok."

Ok that's all I have to say, one short word, two little letters and I have him, but then if I have him I could lose him and I could get hurt. Then things could get serious, things could come up, topics and stuff I have avoid for all these years will come at me. And while sitting here I play out all the bad things that could happen, just like I always do. I am analyzing everything that could happen, the what if, but then he smiles at me and I throw all the what ifs out the window and just whisper.

"Ok."

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	10. Chapter 10

As soon as that one word came out of my mouth his lips were back on mine and I couldn't help but smile. Do I actually have a boyfriend? Is this boy right here with me right now actually mine, no one else's? I honestly am not sure what we are officially but I do know right now I don't care, all I care about is how good it feels to be kissing him, these little butterflies in my stomach, and I am so loving this feeling right now.

Falling back onto the bed Lucas rolls over and lies on top of me as his tongue slowly enters my mouth. He soon moves his lips to my neck and I start to feel those tingles again, and quickly everything we did that night comes back to me. It comes back to me how I said his name and he jumped back, how he ran and I am feeling it build up in my throat again and I'm scared. I am scared to let it out that he will freak again, but it feels good, it feels really good I almost can't help it.

"Lucas…" I let out in a small moan and thank god he didn't jump, just moved his lips to mine again. I hold onto his face pulling him closer to me as his hand pulls on my thigh. I am fine with this, I am enjoying this but then his hand starts running up my body and I feel my heart racing. His hand runs under my tanks top and I just ignore it since the last time he did that he did nothing more, but then he moves his lips back to my neck and I try to forget everything he is doing with his hand.

I run my hand through his hair and try to forget the nervous I was feeling, until I feel his fingers fumbling with my jean button and then I can't ignore it.

"Lucas wait…" I freak pushing his hand away.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He apologizes and I just shake my head.

"No I'm sorry…I'm so…god…" I trail off placing my hands over my face, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, it's ok it is." Lucas tries to reassure. But I just keep shaking my head no. "Hey…" he says with a small laugh pulling my heads off my face "It's ok…it was my fault not yours."

"It is my fault…"

"And how do you come up with that conclusion, because I am the one who rushed it not you…" He tries to reason and I think it's cute he is trying to make me feel better but still it's not fair for him.

"Lucas you are going to want someone who will sleep with you, who won't get nervous when you touch them. God I am so dumb." I say more to myself.

"You're not dumb, its ok I promise." He smiles stroking my cheek "Plus I kind of like my touching you makes you nervous." he smirks running his hand down my arm making me laugh some.

"Lucas I'm serious, I mean can you honestly say that it doesn't bother you. I mean I'm not ready for _that,_" I sigh sitting up "And I don't really know when I will be." I tell him but looking down feeling dumb. I feel him sit up on the bed and lean over kissing my shoulder, then my neck and then my cheek, and with every kiss I just got more chills.

"When you're ready…" he whispers turning my face to look at him, "I'll be here. I won't rush you. I want to be with you Brooke because I care about you, not because I want to have sex with you." He tells me and I suddenly become completely relaxed next to him, "So when you're ready just let me know."

"And if I am never ready?" I tease and he just laughs.

"Well then I guess I will be taking a lot of cold showers." He says and I just laugh, he is so cute.

"Ok…" I whisper leaning in and kissing him softly "When I'm ready you will be the first to know."

"That's all I ask." He smiles brushing a piece of hair behind my ear and I get completely lost in his gorgeous blue eyes and I know I am in trouble, "But you know…" he smiles pulling me out of my thoughts as he sits up on the bed pulling me into his lap, "Just because we don't do that doesn't mean there aren't other things we can do."

"Oh really?" I grin kinking my eyebrow at him.

"Yup…like I can kiss you here…" he whispers in his husky voice and kissing my shoulder, "And here…" he whispers kissing my jaw line "and even here." He finishes kissing my neck again.

"Oh I think I like that." I giggle and hear him mumble uh huh in my neck making it tickle more. "You know Luke…" I breath out heavily trying not to let out another moan "We should probably go downstairs, they are probably wondering what is going on."

"Yeah…" he sighs pulling off my neck to look at me "We probably should." He say and I start to ease out of his lap, until he grabs my hand to stop me "But we aren't." he shrugs pulling me back into him and flipping us over.

"Lucas," I giggle.

"Come on do you really want to go downstairs and answer any questions they may have, or would you rather stay up here and doing this…" he trailed off leaning down and kissing me "with me." he mumbled into my lips.

"Umm…" I mumble wrapping my arms around his neck, "I would rather do this." I laugh.

"Yeah I thought you might."

* * *

I let my eyes open to see it's almost 7:30. I roll over to find Lucas with his arms tight around me and I smile since I know it's because he wants to be holding me, unlike the last time when it was just because he was sleeping. I shift some and see him smiling in his sleep, it's kind of cute. I run my hand slowly through his shaggy blonde hair and I also think it's cute, I like his hair this length.

"Hi…" he whispers as his eyes slowly flicker open to look at me and then again his eyes but they aren't cute, they are gorgeous.

"Hi…" I smile rubbing my thumb against his cheek.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks as he moves some to wake himself up so more but then just closes his eyes again.

"Thinking about going downstairs, Rachel and Haley are already awake, I'm sure of it." I tell him as I trace my finger along his lips. I know they are there and I am also wondering why I didn't wake up like I normally do, and then I think maybe because I spent most of last night making out with Lucas, but still.

"Oh yes the weird morning talks ya'll do." he laughs opening his eyes again and I feel his hand run up my leg and rub some skin where my shirt was riding up.

"Yeah it's our thing; I just don't want to go down. I would much rather just stay here with you." I shrug

"Yeah I would rather that too." He grins giving me a small kiss then closing his eyes again, "How about we just go to sleep a little longer. Then when we wake up we go to breakfast." He suggests but keeping his eyes shut.

"That sounds like a plan." I smile flipping back over on my side.

"Mhmm…" he mumbles as he wraps his arms tight around my waist and he slowly drifts back off into sleep.

I lay there with my eyes shut but not asleep. I can't sleep but I don't know why guess my mind is thinking about things. I hear the door start to open and I get nervous about who is coming in.

"Shhh…" I hear Rachel hush and I know its Haley behind her.

"Rachel you are on my foot, either go in or don't." I hear Haley argue and I try to stifle my laughter as they actually come in.

"Shhh… I just want to see what they are doing, and if they are clothed." Rachel whispers and even with my eyes closed I roll them.

"Aww…don't they look cute." I hear Haley grin and just for fun I turn on my other side laying my head on Lucas bare chest and snuggle my head into him, and he just readjust his grip on me.

"Ok I think we are safe, our sweet Brooke is still our sweet Brooke. Look she is clothed." I hear Rachel say behind me.

"But what is going on with them then?" Haley questions.

"I don't know they have hung out a lot, and they do have some intense sexual tension."

"I have no sexual tension!" I snap sitting up and both girls laugh, "Shhh!!" I hush as Lucas starts to stir some next to me.

"You downstairs now…" Rachel orders crossing her arms over her chest, and I nod as I start to slide out of Lucas's arms waking him up a little.

"Hey…where you going?" he mumbles still keeping his eyes shut and not seeing Rachel and Haley in the room.

"Downstairs I will be right back…" I whisper giving him a quick kiss then avoiding the shocked looks of my two best friends and head out of the room, just to realize them not following "Guys!" I whisper but yell still.

"Oh umm…right got it." They say as they follow me downstairs.

"Ok I did not realize how hot he was until just now, did you see that body?" Rachel asks and I roll my eyes.

"Ok you saw him shirtless before." I say in a duh tone, I mean he did come downstairs the last time and was in just his boxers, they are so dumb.

"Ok that was different I didn't pay attention. I was too busy thinking about what you were wearing and what ya'll did, and plus he totally had that I just woke up, my hair is a mess and my body is hot, look going for him." Rachel explained.

"Yeah he totally did." Haley agrees with a nod.

"Ok you both have boyfriends; do you really need to comment on mine?" I ask annoyed.

"Ok I love Nathan but I notice when a guy is hot, I mean I a…"

"Hold it!" Rachel interrupts "Did you just say mine? Like my boyfriend?" Rachel all but squeals.

"Brookie do you have a boyfriend? Is Lucas your boyfriend?" Haley says mimicking Rachel's squeal as they both tackle me with a hug before I can speak.

"Ok before you all kill me with hugs I must confess I don't know what he is ok." I tell them.

"How do you not know? I mean you did just kiss him…" Rachel says confessed.

"Aww…Brookie kissed someone!" Haley squeals again.

"Ok can you all stop," I laugh "Look I like him, and he likes me and I don't really know what we are. But I do know I am tired and would like to sleep without you two sneaking in to check on me. I mean really guys really?" I ask almost annoyed.

"Ok we are sorry, it's just last night you freaked and ran upstairs. Then not five minutes later he does. We hear some yelling but then it stops." Haley tells me and I nod feeling a little embarrassed they heard us fighting.

"Then we were going to talk to you about it but oh look neither of you come back downstairs. And then I come upstairs and see that. What the hell Brooke?" Rachel yells in an almost a hurt tone that I didn't tell them.

"Look I am sorry I didn't say anything." I say guilty.

"When did it all happen anyway?" Haley asks.

"I don't know ok, I mean the night we meet he almost kissed me but you came in and I jumped. Then…"

"I totally knew it." Rachel interrupts completely forgetting the hurt she felt a few seconds before, "I mean I thought you two looked cozy that morning. After you went to get in the shower he had this weird look the rest of the morning. But I guess when you never mentioned it that it meant nothing."

"It didn't mean anything; I mean I didn't think it did. I wasn't even sure if he was going to kiss me or not."

"Trust me B we saw how close you two were, that boy was totally going to kiss you." Haley confirms and I just kind of let out a smile.

"But anyway I wasn't lying he did meet the boys. That night you all had movie night and I went out with the boys he was there. We played some pool, and then I felt kind of dizzy with all the smoke and stuff so I headed outside to get some air. I guess he was worried because he came to check on me."

"B that is so sweet." Haley grinned.

"I know right, but he came out and we talked and he almost kissed me again but then Jay walked out and we didn't."

"Ugh your brothers and their timing." Rachel said rolling her eyes.

"Yeah it's almost as bad as yours." I tease and they both roll their eyes at me and wave me to go on "But anyway it was ok he interrupted because he invited him to come over which at first made me a little nervous, but it was ok. Played some beer pong then I got angry fought with Tony and got pretty pissed so just went to my room."

"Why did ya'll fight?" Haley questioned knowing me and the boys rarely fight, unless it is something pretty serious.

"I just got a little drunk and dizzy and he took it as something more, but it doesn't matter," I shrug it off and they both nodded "Well Lucas I guess worried again because, well the talk me and Tony had in front of him and I might have lied about something and Lucas knew I lied which I guessed concerned him I don't know…."

"Brooke you are rambling…" Rachel laughs.

"Sorry but anyway he came in to check on me and asked me why I lied. I told him not to worry which I didn't think was to convincing but it didn't matter. But then we were sitting there and he asked me something that I barely even remember and I don't know I just kissed him."

"Wait you kissed him?" Haley and Rachel both asked almost shocked I went for it.

"Yeah well I had lots of liquid courage in me. And I guess I pulled him down with me on the bed and I guess halfway through it all he realized I was in my house and drunk because he jumped back and told me how it was wrong my mom was in the house I was drunk and what we were doing wasn't right and left. I woke up the next morning and really didn't remember much about until I saw him and then I felt dumb and embarrassed but we talked and I thought it would be best if we were just friends."

"Brooke are you kidding me! You have a hot guy like that wanting to be with you and you want to be his friend?!" Rachel scolded me.

"OK are you and Kylee talking because she said like the exact same thing to me." I say laughing but the both give me a serious look "Ok look I knew the guy all of two days I wasn't going to just jump at him telling me he wanted to be with me."

"But if he tells you he wants to be with you, you don't tell him no!" Haley argues and I just roll my eyes.

"Ok guys I didn't say hell no, I said we should be friends and get to know each other, which we were doing just fine until he freaked about me and Nash."

"What he freak about?" Rachel asked nervously chewing on her thumb nail knowing me and Nash have a flirty relationship.

"He thought we liked each other or something…"

"You and Nash gross." Haley says rolling her eyes at the thought.

"Yeah I know but I guess he just took everything the wrong way and flipped about it and wouldn't talk to me then we came over here and he kissed…" I pause turning my voice to a whisper realizing Theresa was asleep in the living room, "He kissed Theresa and I got mad. And for the next week we didn't talk to each other, until he caught me yesterday at lunch with David." I told them biting my bottom lip nervous for their response which like I thought was an eye roll and a glare.

"Tell me you weren't _out _with David." Rachel asked annoyed. She hated David, she thought he was trouble and knew our history was maybe a little more then I let Lucas on but since it was over and all feelings were gone it wouldn't matter.

"No not like that I was just hungry and went out to eat with him. But Lucas caught us well not even caught since it wasn't like I was sneaking around or anything. But he got mad we argued again. You know I have known that guy a little over three weeks and we have argued half of it, it's completely nuts."

"Ok well then just explain why you two went upstairs last night ended up in bed together and why a certain blonde was not happy with you leaving that bed this morning." Rachel smirked raising and eyebrow.

"Ok he came up we talked, I explained everything. My feelings for the guys, kind of David but that there was no feelings there so not to worry and I explained that I cared for him. And he said he cared for me too and if I wanted to be with him I just had to say ok. So I said ok and kissed him." I shrug as I walked over to the fridge and poured me a glass of orange juice.

"So he is your boyfriend?" Haley grinned.

"I don't know ok…" I tell them as I take a sip of my drink.

"Well what about other things I mean you two didn't…" Rachel trailed off "I mean you didn't have sex last night."

"No we didn't. I'm not you Rachel I can sleep in the same bed with someone without sleeping with them."

"I take offense to that!" Rachel shirked and both me and Haley laugh.

"I'm sorry Rach but no we didn't sleep together and before either you ask he knows I haven't done _that_ before, and he is ok with it. Just when I am ready he will be ready." I smile proudly at that, he is so great.

"Well will you think you will be ready soon?" Rachel asks, and I know it's that concerned best friend setting in but if she can sleep with her boyfriend I can sleep with mine. I mean if he is mine, is he mine? This is all too confusing.

"I don't know honestly, I mean I can stand here and say no not at all, but then he will kiss me and his hands are on me and god I just want him so bad." I confess and blush a little.

"Brookie that's called being horny." Rachel tells me and both her and Haley laugh.

"What! Rachel I am not!" I shriek at the thought.

"Oh Brooke be a grown up for a second. I know you and your little virginess would hate to ever think of the thought but it's true. Sorry sweetie its true you want to have sex."

"I am so screwed aren't I?" I frown biting my bottom lip.

"Yes literally." Haley says making me laugh.

"Yeah well I am going back to bed." I say handing my glass to Haley and heading towards the stairs.

"To bed or Lucas?" I hear Rachel ask and I just stop on the stairs rolling my eyes.

"Or both?" Haley teases.

"I hate you both." I inform them as I continue up the stairs.

"I give her a month…" I hear Haley whisper to Rachel.

"I give her two weeks…maybe one."

"I hate you!" I yell again and hearing them laugh as I walk back into the room shutting the door. As I claim back into the warm bed.

"Oh your feet are cold." Lucas cringes and I laugh.

"I'm sorry…I'm always cold." I tell him pulling my feet away from his.

"It's ok…come here." He smiles pulling me into him "I'll keep you warm." As he wraps his arms tight around me and I lay my head on his bare chest loving the feeling of being in his arms. "What they say?" he whispers and I look at him confused, "Well I figured you were downstairs with Rachel and Haley so what they say?"

"Just asked about you…" I say as I lay my head back on his chest and he starts to rub my back softly with just his finger tips, which is completely relaxing I must say.

"That's all I am going to get out of you?"

"No, they just asked what was up with us two." I tell him and debate on if I should ask him what we are officially. Are we together, are we hanging out, are we getting to know each other what. Because I honestly have no clue.

"Oh…" he says and I feel kind of nervous by what oh meant. Was it like oh that sucks if you don't think we are anything or oh we aren't anything serious and I don't want you reading too much into anything. When did all this become so hard to decipher.

"Yeah like if I really like you, which I do." I settle on saying with a smile looking up real quick at him and he kisses my forehead.

"I like you too." He grins and I just laid my head back on his chest tracing small circles with my index finger.

"They also asked what we were…" I whisper and squeeze my eyes tight when I feel him tense up underneath me and his hand stops rubbing my back.

"Well…umm…what did you say?" he stutters out and I just ease out of his grip and sit up on the bed, before turning to look at him, "I told them I didn't know."

"What you mean you don't know?" he asked sitting up and kissing my shoulder then wrapping his arms around me resting his chin on my shoulder. "What do you want to be?"

"I…" I start but pause when I turn to look at him and see how close he is to my face.

"You what?" he ask tucking a few loose hairs behind my ear.

"Well I think I haven't known you long enough to say you are like my boyfriend." I confess.

"I agree…" he admits and I get kind of nervous again by what he is thinking "So why don't we just say we are getting to know each other."

"We tried that already remember." I tease and he laughs.

"Yes but this time it's different."

"How so?"

"Well this time we go out. Like to eat and to movies and kind of whatever you want to do." he shrugs.

"Like dates?" I ask and wonder if this is really what I want or if I should have just told him he was my boyfriend, because I am more than sure he would have just gone with that answer.

"Yeah, but I also won't get crazy jealous this time but we also do things like this." he grinned lifting my chin and kissing me.

"So it's like dating just not really boyfriend, girlfriend dating." I question and he nods "I can do that."

"But I also want to know that this could turn into being boyfriend girlfriend thing." He asks and I can't help but smile, here he is 22 graduated from college and seems a little nervous around me. Someone who is really nothing, has nothing to really offer him and yet he wants to be with me, wants to get to know me.

"Yes…" I smile giving him a soft kiss, "This I definitely see becoming that. We will just give it like a test drive, I guess. See if this is what we both want before putting a label on it."

"Yeah who needs labels anyway…" he grinned as he moved in to kiss me again but I placed my hand over his mouth to stop him.

"But no making out with Theresa." I tease yet a hundred percent serious as the same time.

"The only person I will be making out with is you." he smiles and I nod "I mean As long as I am the only person you make out with…" he says with a fake frown as he plays with the tie string on my pajama shorts.

"Well I don't know I mean everyone does love kissing me." I tease.

"Come here…" he laughed pulling me into him as we fall back onto the bed.

His hand held onto my leg pulling me more into him as I hold onto both his cheeks pulling him closer to me. Lucas lets his tongue graze over my lip and I parted them so he could enter. His hand roamed up my body as his lips moved to my neck and I am not sure if it is the talk we had about not rushing things or just him but I wasn't nervous by it. I wasn't nervous with his hand under the back of my tank top, or his body on top of mine, I felt comfortable and safe.

"You know…" I gasp "I may just make out with you." I breathe out loving the feeling he is giving me.

"Good…" he smiles pulling off my neck and giving me a light kiss on my lips then jumping off the bed, and pulling his clothes on. "What are you doing?" I smile.

"Getting dressed."

"I know that but why?" I ask sitting up on the bed and stretching.

"Because I told you I was taking you to breakfast and that what I am doing. Now get dressed." He says handing me my jeans.

"Wow never thought I would have you tell me to put clothes on." I tease as I climb off the bed.

"Oh trust me that is probably the only time I will ever tell you that." he smirks leaning in giving me a quick kiss then walking out "I will be downstairs." I hear him call and I laugh climbing out of the bed and getting dressed, grabbing my purse and touching up some of my make up that had smudge while I was asleep. I grab a piece of mint gum from my purse to cover up any bad breath I might have got through the night but figure it can't be that bad since Lucas was all for shoving his tongue in it.

But then I grab all my stuff run a brush through my hair and head downstairs.

I get down there to find everyone up in the kitchen but Lucas. I am getting a funny look from everyone but Rachel and Haley who are just smiling at me over their coffee cups.

"Umm…where is Lucas?" I ask.

"Why do you want to know?" a hung over and pissed off Theresa asks.

"Oh shut up Theresa, he ran to the bathroom real quick." Rachel tells me and I nod. "You want something to eat?"

"Oh…Umm…actually…" I start but stop when I feel two arms wrap around my waist making me smile.

"Actually we are going out to breakfast." Lucas smiles resting his chin on my shoulder and I just place my hands on top of his leaning back into him.

"So what is going on here?" Nathan asks raising his eyebrow at us both, and me and Lucas just shrug.

"A shrug that's all we get?" Peyton asks annoyed "You two come down with big happy grins, arms wrapped around each other and going to breakfast together but the only thing we get out of it is a shrug."

"Umm…Pretty much." I shrug again and both Haley and Rachel laugh and everyone else gives us an annoyed look. But we just stand there as Lucas whispers "Theresa looks so very pissed" in my ear and I let out a small laugh looking over at her and kind of enjoying I got something before and I love the look on her face as he starts to kiss my earlobe, "Lucas…" I giggle "Stop…" I say missing all looks.

"Sorry…" he whispers kissing me one last time, "Ok look we are just Brooke and Lucas hanging out and dating."

"Yeah we just going to figure it out as we go." I shrug and they all kind of nod but still not understanding.

"Yes well now if you excuse us we are going to be heading out." Lucas smiles dropping his hands from my waist and grabbing my hand as we head out of the kitchen, I give Haley and Rachel I quick wave goodbye, as we head to his car figuring I will just pick up mine later. "You think they are confused?" he laughed as we pulled out of Rachel's driveway.

"Yeah but its ok…" I smile leaning over and giving him a quick kiss "Because I am pretty sure what we are doing is confusing."

"Yeah…" he laughs as we head to eat "me too."

* * *

**I love reviews :D**


	11. Chapter 11

_I have been whatever I am with Lucas for about two weeks and I really like him. I like him a lot and I am so sure of that. He is so unbelievably sweet to me and not that kind where they are like too sweet. You know the kind who is always says what you want to hear, and does what they think is right. The kid who is like way to perfect that he is annoying, yeah well not that kind of sweet._

_He just is good to me. Doesn't rush things and doesn't make me feel stupid for not knowing too much about things. He has gotten along really well with my brothers and he hangs out with us like all the time which is a major bonus but tonight it's just going to be me and him._

_I am a little nervous since I am just going over to his apartment and it is just me but I am not also. I know he won't try anything unless I am comfortable and I know that but still doesn't mean I am not nervous. My mom thinks I am staying the night at Rachel's and I feel bad lying but I am just wanting to spend the night at Lucas's with Lucas, my Lucas._

_I like how that sounds my Lucas. But is he technically mine since we aren't technically boyfriend and girlfriend? Hmm... I don't know nor right now do I care because right now I am happy. Actually I am probably way too happy but again I don't care because I have a guy. A great guy that I hope will soon be mine completely, my boyfriend but until then I will just take what I can get with him. And that is... Ok I don't know what that is but oh well._

_I am dressed to go like always, just a pair of ripped jeans and then a red tight tank top. It really isn't as cold out tonight as it has been. It's actually pretty warm so I just have a light jacket since I am always cold then just some black flip flops. My hair is down with a small wave to it, pretty much just natural because I am too lazy to straighten it. My makeup is light, just some foundations and a little light eye liner with a little eye shadow._

_Well I don't really have much more to say today so I guess I better head out._

Throwing my journal under my bed I crawl out of it grabbing my purse and heading into the living room. "Hey momma I am heading out." I tell her as I pull on my black jacket.

"Ok drive safe let me know when you get there." she tells me as she fixes everyone their dinner, which I won't lie, smells really amazing.

"Umm…ok I will." I tell her grabbing some pineapple she was cutting. I figure since Lucas's place is not as close as Rachel's I will just call when I get there and tell her I forgot. Ugh I really hate lying to her. I hate how easily I have been able to come up with them and I hate that she still trusts me completely.

I suck.

Even if I am just going over to Lucas's to watch a movie hang out, eating a little something and even if my mom is actually pretty laid back about stuff she would not want me to spend the night only at some guys house, well apartment. Even if she seems to really like him, she still wouldn't like it too much. Hell she wouldn't really like it at all.

"But umm… I am out see you tomorrow." I say kissing her cheek telling her bye and I love her and like always says it back and I leave with her yelling;

"Be careful."

And I like always yell,

"Always." Then walk out. I get in my car and drive the about 30 minute drive to his apartment. I call Rachel telling her if someone asks I am there she tells me to be safe and use protection. I just laugh and tell her to shut up we are not doing that and I can literally see her roll her eyes at me in annoyance. But its whatever, she agrees to do it like I knew she would since I cover for her all the time. Pulling up I quickly call my mom telling her I totally spaced on calling but I was still alive and safe, she laughed said it was fine just call or text her later giving her a heads up I am all good and she will see me in the morning, so now I feel even more guilty for lying.

I walk up the steps to Lucas's apartment and without even thinking just enter since it is what I have done the last few times I have come over. "Luke?" I call walking down the hall to his living room finding him cleaning up some, "Whatcha doing?" I smile leaning up again the door frame and seeing him jump making me laugh.

"God baby you scared the hell out of me." he says making me laugh more.

"I'm sorry." I say muting my laughter and watch as he walks over wrapping his arms around my waist and I automatically wrap mine around his neck.

"It's ok." he smiles leaning is giving me a soft kiss, "You hungry?" he asks and I just nod yes as he takes my hand leading me into the kitchen as he cooks something. I just sit on the counter and watch as he moves around the kitchen rambling about something as he makes me something that actually believe it or not smells amazing.

I am somewhat surprised that Lucas can cook, which I guess shouldn't surprise me because hell he always does things that take me be surprised but still. I can't cook at all, I burn water and the only thing I have mastered is a fried egg (which the boys tease as the ugliest thing that have ever seen,) and cheese toast, that on some...ok many occasions I also burn. But hey those things get me through the day and plus I can make the most important thing I ever need and that is coffee so anything else is whatever.

Yet when Lucas gives me a bite of something he made I am so starting to think dating someone who can cook was such a great idea. High five to me.

"Whatcha you thinking about?" Lucas asks as he puts something in the oven then walking over to me sitting on the counter positioning himself between my legs.

"Just you." I shrug laying my arms loosely over his shoulders and playing with the small hairs on his neck.

"Is that so?" he grins leaning into me and I just nod yes before I feel his lips against mine. Oh how I love kissing this boy, I don't know what it is but I could kiss him all the damn time.

He places his hands on my sides and I wrap my legs tight around him bring him closer to me as I feel his tongue slowly slip past my lips into my mouth and I feel dumb when I smile. Yet when I smile he just smiles pushing himself closer against me and kisses me a little longer until we hear a buzzer go off.

"Ugh!" Lucas groans pulling away from me making me laugh as he goes and finishes dinner. I just sit on the counter looking over at him biting my swollen bottom lip and smiling.

Damn I am in trouble.

* * *

So dinner was just like I thought amazing. I helped Lucas clean up the mess which was actually again believe it or not fun since the whole time I was washing dishes I had Lucas standing behind me and running kisses up and down my neck and nibbling on my earlobe making things hard to concentrate.

However now we are just sitting on the couch watching a movie. Lucas is laid straight out along the couch and I am lying on top of him as he lets his finger tips run slowly up and down my back. I wonder if he knows how relaxing him doing that is. How that small little gesture just makes my whole body relax and sometimes even makes me drift off to sleep.

I snuggle closer to him as I feel that soft running up and down my back slip under my tank top and it starts to give me goose bumps completely forgetting about the movie we are watching. I move up on his body kissing him hard and deep as he shifts some getting more comfortable on the couch. I place my hands on his cheeks pulling myself closer to him and I feel his hands move from my back and slipping them in both my back jean pockets pulling me up more on him.

I let out a small giggle when I feel and hear him let out I think a moan or maybe I grunt in my mouth as I wiggle some on top of him. I am definitely thinking me lying on top of him and moving my body up and down isn't to fair but I kind of like it. I kind of enjoy teasing him a bit.

"You know what I think we should do?" I hear him whisper as I start kissing his neck and sucking lightly.

"Hmm…" I mumble into his neck then bit softly making him let out a small moan that makes me smile as I pull back from his neck kissing him again, "What you want to do Broody?" I whisper pulling out of our kiss and smiling down at him.

"I think we should go get in the hot tub or something." He suggests.

"The hot tub or something?" I question leaning down and kissing him again, "You don't want to do this with me?" I question moving my lips back to right behind his ear and kissing it.

"Uhh…" he moans making me smile again, kind liking things I do turn him on, "I would enjoy this I just…"

"Just what?" I ask nervously pulling back from him quickly and sitting up some. I thought I was doing things that he liked but now I am not sure and starting to feel very dumb that I might have done something wrong.

"I just don't trust myself." He whispers and I look at him confused.

"What you mean you don't trust yourself?"

"It's just I really care about you. So I don't want to mess things up and when we are together like this and I am wanting you like this I just don't know if I would want to stop us. And I know it's too soon for that so I don't want to do that yet." he tells me and I can't help but smile some at that, one that he is so unbelievable sweet like that but also that he wants me that bad. I have never had someone want me before and to know that someone like Lucas, someone who looks like Lucas does and could pretty much have anyone he wants wants me makes me feel pretty damn happy.

"So are you going to like never want to kiss me?" I question with a small smirk making him laugh some.

"No I am not saying that I just can't really have you rubbing up my body like that and kissing me like that." he tells me and I smile.

"Oh you mean like this?" I tease moving myself slowly up and down him, "And like this?" I smirk leaning down kissing his neck again.

"Yeah baby I can't have you doing that." he gasp and I move up him slowly then looking at him with his eyes close clearly trying to concentrate.

"Mmmm…" I pause kissing him on the lips softly then jumping off him, "Ok." I shrug walking out of the living room and hearing him laugh some.

"You are such a tease you know that?" he smiles getting up and following me grabbing me by the waist and pulling me into him making me laugh some.

"But I'm your tease." I smile leaning my back into his chest tilting my head to the side as he starts kissing me softly.

"Your right." He mumbles into my neck, "Oh you are going to be the death of me Brooke Davis." He whispers kissing my earlobe.

"Well I don't really want that happening." I gasp out as I start feeling my heart race and breath become faster as I feel his hand reach around my waist and slowly run down my stomach, "Luke…" I gasp as his he takes his finger tips grazing the top of my jeans as he sucks harder on my neck.

He takes his other hand sliding it up the front of my shirt and I get chills as he barely lets his fingers touch my skin and I will not even lie if he keeps this stuff up I don't know if I will be able to tell him no. But just as I feel like my body is going to give into him he removes both his hands and mouth leaning up to my earlobe biting it softly and whispering "It's not fun being teased is it?" then smacking my butt walking past me to the front door.

"That was not even funny." I call and hear him laugh telling me to come on and I laugh/pout as I follow him out the front door to the pool area.

* * *

"You know babe I don't have a swim suit." I tell him as I walk over running my hand in the hot tub loving the heat of the water.

"Then don't wear one." he shrugs pulling his shirt over his head and I kink my eyebrow at him.

"So a clothed me on top of you, you can't control yourself but a naked me you can?" I smirk but knowing full well I will not get naked in this hot tub. I am not even close to feeling that comfortable with my body to be naked in front of Lucas.

"No but you have on a bra right?" he asks and I just nod my head yes, "and do you have underwear on?" he questions giving me a devilish look and looking me up and down.

"Yes I do, so don't give me that look." I say pointing at him trying to sound serious but letting out a small laugh as he holds his hands up.

"I wasn't even thinking anything." He smiles and I watch him undo his jeans pulling them off and god my boy is gorgeous "But anyway it's just like a bathing suit the only down side is when we get back to the house you will have to put on my clothes and I will have to dry yours."

"Yeah I don't really think you think that is a down side." I laugh thinking he would probably enjoy me walking around panty less and braless.

"Yeah your right." He laughed and I watch him slowly crawl into the hot tub, "Oh it is so very warm." He teases as he sits leaning against the wall of the hot tub closing his eyes, "So very relaxing." He says opening one eye to look at me then closing it again, "to bad no one wants to join me."

"Ok…ok I will get in." I cave and kinda like when he swallows hard as I pull my shirt over my head. "You ok Broody?" I tease and he just nods as I slowly pull off my jeans and tip toes in the hot water, "Ok this feels amazing." I agree as I move over climbing in his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Yeah this feels pretty amazing." he agrees looking me up and down and I look away biting my bottom lip and know I am blushing like a dork. "I love that about you." he whispers.

"What about me?" I question and try to control myself as I feel him move his finger tips slowly up and down my bare thighs.

"You just don't know how beautiful you are."

"Luke no I'm not." I blush even more looking away from him trying to hide my stupid smile.

"Yes you are," he smiles kissing me, "I love how you don't realize it though. Just makes you just more amazing. You are beautiful but not conceded and you are sexy but not sluty." He tells me and I blush even more.

"Luke stop your embarrassing me." I smile letting my hand softly push against his chest, but he just takes my hand in his and pulling me into kiss him. "Did you know I have a tattoo?" I whisper pulling out of our kiss and like I thought saw him surprised by that. Most people don't believe that me Brooke Davis has a tattoo, but there is a lot of things people don't know about me. Though I maybe the good one there are plenty of things I have done, I'm not like a saint or anything.

"Where?" he asks and I slowly stand up from his lap and see him swallow hard when I peel my panties down a little.

"Here" I whisper and he takes his finger slowly tracing over the small symbol a little below my hip bone, "It means friendship. Hales and Rachel have one too. Haley's is on her lower back and Rachel's is on her wrist." I tell him.

"I…I like it." He stutters out and I kind of like that I make him nervous as I ease back into his lap. "You know…" he again swallows hard clearly debating what he is going to say next, "Just because we don't have sex doesn't mean there aren't other things we can do." he whispers and I just nod as his hand slowly runs down my body and playing with the top of my red lace boy short panties, "I mean… I mean if you want to."

"Umm…I want to." I answer a little nervous only because I don't want us doing something to lead to actual sex because I know I really am not ready for that right now, I am not in a place where I am ready to be with Lucas like that. Do I care about him? God so very much I am just not ready for sex.

"I don't want you to think I am pressuring you into anything or making you feel just because we do stuff mean we have to sleep together because we don't." he tells me quickly and it almost scares me how he can almost read my thoughts. That he knows what I am thinking before I say anything, like just by looking at me he knows what is exactly going on in my head. I little scary.

"I…I know." I nod leaning into kiss him, "I umm…want to." I mumble in our kiss and feel him nod.

He kisses me back as we move in the water and he pushes me up against the wall as his tongue slowly slips into my mouth. His hand gets tangled in my hair as the other is holding onto just below my thigh pulling me closer to him.

I turn us over so I am once again in his lap and wrap my arms tighter around his neck. He moved his lips to my neck sucking hard and I feel his hand slowly move down my body and slipping into the front of my underwear. I swallow hard as I feel him slowly slip one of his fingers in me making my whole body shake. I have never had someone inside me like that and when he slips his second finger in me I feel my whole body tremble.

His hand moves slow, it's kind of a steady pace but with the mixture of us being in the hot water, his hand movements and his sucking on my neck I can help but moan some, "Oh Luke…" I let out and he moves his lips back to mine and I feel him smile in our kiss.

I feel like my whole body is about to freak out or something. It's tingling and shaking and I feel like my toes are all curled up as he starts moving faster and if this feels so good I can't imagine what actual sex with him feels like.

"Oh god baby." I moan again as he pushes one more time hard into me making my whole body get a shot of pleasure and my back arch pushing my chest into him. I feel my heart racing and my breath becomes short and faster as I lean in capturing my lips back on his as he wraps his arms tight around my body and kissing me back, hard and deep.

* * *

I lay here thinking. I am thinking as I lay in the arms of this amazing guy in just his sweatshirt and a pair of his boxers. I like this. I like wearing his clothes and I like being snuggled up close to him and I really like what we did in the hot tub but then I feel bad. I feel like I am not being fair to him.

"Lucas…" I whisper looking up at him as we lay in his bed. I know he is asleep or on his way to sleep because his arm that was tight around me has started to loosen some and I hear his breathing becoming heavier as he lies with his eyes closed, "Luke…" I say a little louder this time.

"Hmm…" he answers but still not opening his eyes to look at me.

"I'm sorry…" I whisper looking away from him but can see him open his eyes looking at me.

"For what?" he asks and I just sit up looking at him.

"For the whole sex thing. For not being ready and for teasing you. It's not fair and I'm sorry." I repeat looking down and playing with a string on his bed.

"Baby," he smiles sitting up some in his bed clearly more awake as he looks at me, "It doesn't bother me. I mean do I want to be with you yes. Yes I do but I don't want to rush you. I don't want to make it happen before you are ready because it's a big deal."

"I know and I wish I can be like some of my friends and even people I know who don't make such a big deal out of it and just let it happen but I just can't and I'm sorry." I sigh feeling dumb. My friends sleep with everyone. They do stuff with everyone and really don't think twice about having sex with someone and sometimes I wish I could do that and sometimes I do. Sometimes I think ok what the hell lets go but as soon as I get in the situation it might happen I jump back from it.

"Brooke you being a virgin is something I really like about you." he tells me and I look at him shocked, wondering why he would like that at all.

"Why would you like that about me? Because sometimes I don't even like that about me."

"Well I like that if we sleep together that no other guy would have had you in that way. I mean like if we are at a party or club or anywhere where your friends might be or just people you might know I don't have to stand there and think hmmm I wonder how many guys in here has seen my girl naked, or felt her or kissed her. I won't feel weird standing around some guy knowing he had you before me. Or him being like yeah well I did have her first or something." he explains making me smile some, "I will just feel good knowing that you are mine and not in the weird she is my property way but in like you trust me enough to do that. That you care about me enough for that and that to you I wasn't just another guy to you or something. That it was special and actually meant something, something so much more than just sex."

"I don't deserve you." I smile some leaning up kissing him, "I don't know what I did to deserve you."

"I'm not that great." he sighs some looking away from me.

"Yeah you are," I tell him sitting up turning him to look at me, "Do you know how long I wanted for someone like you? I just saw all my friends go from boyfriend to boyfriend, guy to guy and I thought ok what the hell is wrong with me. I know I can't be that gross, I may not be gorgeous or whatever but I didn't think I was like repulsive. Yet my mom would be like you just aren't the always have a relationship type. You won't date often but then you will find one and he will just be so great that you will think that all the waiting was ok. And now I get she is right. I mean even though sometime I was pretty lonely and it sucked, right now I am really happy Luke. It's like all the crazy waiting was ok because even if it took forever I got a good one. A real good one." I smile leaning in kissing him, "I'm falling hard for you Lucas Scott."

"I'm fallen pretty hard for you too Brooke Davis." he grins that cute boyish grin kissing me again, "Want to know a secret?" he asks and I just nod, "That night at Rachel's you were the first one I noticed. Not Theresa or Rachel or Bevin. Not any of them as soon as I walked in you were the first one that caught my eye. I felt stupid because I thought I starred at you all damn night but you wouldn't even look at me. I don't know there was just something about you."

"I thought you didn't even see me there." I frown some.

"I asked Nate about you." he tells me and my head shoots up looking at him with a smile, a surprised look but a smile.

"Really?"

"Yeah, on the way there I was like ok who are all these people and he explained them all. I already met Haley a couple of times so I heard her talk about you and Rachel some so he just pretty much explained you two too me. Like Rachel was a little umm..." he trails off and I laugh.

"Slutty, it's ok to say she will tell you she is slutty." I laugh because that is true Rachel will admit it to everyone but I love her slut and all.

"Ok well yeah he did. But then he explained you." he says and I get a little nervous.

"Well umm...what did he say?" I ask. Nathan and I have always gotten along, I think he is amazing and I love the other Scott boy almost brotherly like. He was always good and took care of me. On my birthday when we went out and if a guy got close and bothered me he would be like why are you so close to my girlfriend making me laugh. Haley didn't mind it at all and so he did it all the time. Once a guy walked up and grabbed my hand and I was like I'm sorry I don't want to dance and he goes I think you do, and Nate was like and I think you should back the hell away from my girlfriend and yanked me into his arms making me try not to laugh as Rachel and Haley died laughing at a table. The guy said he was sorry he didn't know and Nathan was like well now you do so back the hell off. I love him.

"Well he said that stuff about Rachel then said then there is Brookie." He laughs and I nod because that is Nathan, he always called me that. "He said he didn't really know how you feel into the group of the crazy ones but you did and he was glad. You calmed Rachel and Haley down and he knew he would never worry about them if you were around." he explained and I just couldn't help but smile knowing Nathan thought so highly of me, "But anyway we got there and walked in and you were sitting talking to Rachel in the corner and both of you were dying laughing."

"Yeah that would be us. Always laughing like idiots." I agree and he just laughs again.

"Yeah well I talked to Haley and then everyone else but the whole night you didn't once talk to me. I was like umm... ok."

"Well usually guys don't just think that about me. I am never the one to just approach a guy." I tell him, especially someone like Lucas only because the fear of rejection would scare the hell out of me.

"Yeah that's what Nate said. I was like ok man is that one Brooke and he was like yup. And I was like does she just not like new people because she just ignores me all night. I would look at her but she would turn away quick I have no clue what I am doing wrong. He laughed at me and said that was just Brooke. She was shy and sweet and she would never just approach some guy to talk. That if I wanted to talk to you just go up say hi and talk because you would of course talk back."

"I would have but you never talked to me. You were by Theresa all night long." I groan dragging out all.

"Yeah every time I turned around she was there so I also asked Nate what that was about and he laughed saying that was just Theresa and if she thought for a second you showed interest in someone else, someone like Brooke then she would jump on you."

"Which she did."

"Yeah it was crazy, I have never had a girl that forward with me before. But when I asked him why he said someone like Brooke he again laughed at me. He was like Theresa is an attention whore. She thinks she is amazingly hot even though she really isn't. Brooke isn't like that she is kind of clueless to her looks and Theresa knows that hints why she jumps on a guy as soon as he is around. He told me how once ya'll were all at a party and some guy named I don't remember James or Joseph was talking to you?"

"Oh Josh." I say and he nods.

"Yeah that's it. But Nathan said that most the night you and him laughed and talked."

"Yeah he did he is still a really good friend of mine." I tell him and it's true me and Josh meet at some party I went with Rachel we talked the whole night and I thought maybe he would like me but Theresa was there and they ended up dating a couple months.

"Well Nate said Josh liked you, it was clear to everyone and everyone included Theresa." I sat there a little surprised by that, Josh liked me? I never thought that because he never acted like he did, "But that once Theresa found out she dragged him on the dance floor and danced with him all night and if you were talking to him she would slide between ya'll taking the attention to herself. Make him notice her."

"And it worked he did notice her." I say with a small eye roll.

"Yeah and Theresa knew he would because you would never just be like Theresa back off. That you wouldn't tell her you liked him."

"Well if I did tell her that she would just want him so much more. So she could be like I'm sorry Brooke I just couldn't help it. I didn't mean for him to like me." she did that all the time. "This one night we were out at a club with Nash and Heath and the boys and she never meet the guys before, I mean she meet my brothers but not Nash and Heath. Well I guess me and Nash flirt a little."

"A lot." he interrupt making me laugh.

"Broody I thought you were over that."

"I am just doesn't mean I don't notice ya'll flirting. I'm not stupid." He somewhat says annoyed and I lean down kissing him and when he goes to deepen our kiss I pull back.

"Are you better can I continue?" I tease.

"Just a little more." He jokes kissing me again a little longer this time before pulling away, "Ok I am better go ahead."

"Alright so anyway we were at the club and Nash is like one of my best friends. You know a friend who you have absolutely no feelings for because you already have a pretty great guy." I smirk at him and he just laughs and nods for me to continue. "Well we were all sitting at the table, I had just danced with Nash and he was sitting at the table with all of us. Now the tables you know are really small, like super small so we were all really close. It was me, Rachel, Nash, Tony and everyone else was off doing something. But while we were sitting there I was sitting on the chair right next to Nash with my feet in his chair and my knees were like between his legs with his hands resting on them." I tell him and see the look he gets so I again kiss making him laugh, "But anyway we were sitting there talking and I guess flirting and next thing I know Theresa is right there. She pulls a chair between us and pushes me away from him. Tony just mumbled slut and I just rolled my eyes as she talked and flirted with him."

"Were you jealous?" He questioned placing his hand on my leg and rubbing it up and down.

"I wouldn't say jealous because I don't like Nash like that never would. I think it was my confidence is like not so great."

"You don't say." He teases and I just push him playfully laughing.

"Shut up. But they are my boys you know. They are mine no one else's and when we all hang out I feel kind of special. Like I have all these hot college guys around me and both Heath and Nash tell me how pretty I am. Giving me if you weren't Tony's sister this would so happen." I say in my best Nash Heath voice making Lucas laugh.

"You sound nothing like them." He teases.

"Well not the point." I laugh pulling my legs close to me and pulling his shirt I am wearing over my knees.

"You cold?" he asks and I nod as he spins me in his arms making my legs pop out from under his shirt as he sits up and I rest my back against his chest sitting in his lap and he pulls his sheet up on us. "Warmer?" he asks and I nod as he wraps his arms around me resting his chin on my shoulder and I enjoy being close to him like this.

"But anyway I guess I felt special when I was around them because I got attention which I know sounds stupid or whatever but for once I got it. But then when Theresa came up I felt like I lost that attention that again I was the baby sister and they wouldn't even think about me like that. Do you know what it's like to just feel completely shitty about yourself all the damn time?"

"I'm sorry you felt like that." he whispers nuzzling his face in my neck and hair kissing it softly.

"It's whatever." I shrug shaking my head at it, "But then she would flirt and whatever with him and I just sat there not saying anything. Just let it be said and let it happened until she text me."

"She text you while sitting there?" he asked and I nod.

"Yeah she text me and was like Sorry?"

"Sorry?"

"Yeah I was like umm…why. And she goes well I didn't know if you and him are together. And all I thought was ok you thought I was with him. You thought I was talking to him and you did it anyway. You pulled yourself between us and went on flirting with him even if you thought me and him were together."

"That is pretty messed up."

"Isn't it?" I agree still pissed at the fact, I mean who does that? What kind of person claims to be you friend but goes after the guy like that, "I guess…I guess that's why I got so mad that night she kissed you. I just thought here it goes again, the guy goes for damn Theresa and she is right, she is better than me she is prettier than me and she always gets what I want."

"I never wanted her. Not even that night at the party. All I kept thinking was damn Brooke is gorgeous." He whispers in my ear making me blush again and he kisses the side of my head, "But every time I thought ok I am going to just say hey Theresa was on my side. Then we were playing beer pong and I finally got to talk to you and then we all went into the living room and you were talking to Tim."

"Only because you were talking to Theresa." I say turning my head to look at him some, "Trust me I would have much rather talked to you."

"Yeah me too, but then I saw your face when wrestling with Rachel and I felt bad. I mean I knew what you were feeling and I don't know something about you got to me. I thought I don't know what is about this girl that I have spoken to maybe twice this whole night but there was something. You were almost untouchable that night. Like no one there was good enough for you or something."

"I don't mean to come across like that." I sigh because I don't want to come across as someone who is better then everyone, like someone above my friends, because I love them.

"No it wasn't like that. Nathan just said you were the one that was the good one. I asked if you had a boyfriend because I assumed that's why you weren't all flirting with the guys and stuff and he said no. He said that Brooke doesn't really date and I thought well maybe I thought wrong and you were a snob or something but he said no real quick. He said that in high school there were the guys who probably you would date but him and your friends, well the guy ones were like no. Don't even think about it because he said you were the untouchable one. He said none of them deserved you so I was like well damn I'm screwed." He says with a laugh.

"I don't know why people think of me like that. I am not as perfect as they all think. I have my problems. I make mistakes and act dumb. I fight with my family, and I drink maybe too much sometimes. I do stuff that I shouldn't do and I get so sick of being the untouchable one. The good one people trust their kids around because Brooke Davis would never do something stupid, never do something reckless."

"Why is that bad? Why is being the one everyone trust and counts on bad?" He asked somewhat annoyed with my little outburst, "Huh? What makes being mature and responsible bad?"

"I just get tired of trying to be the good one all the time that's all." I sigh.

"Brooke I don't think you have to try I think it just comes naturally to you. It's just who you are." He says in a calmer tone, "You honestly think that I would have even thought about you like that if you were like jumping at me and in my face?"

"Lucas I have no idea what I did that made you even think that." I tell him honestly, yeah he told me about everything he had talked about with Nathan but that didn't tell me why he came to me, why I made his heart race like he did mine.

"Because you are the mature and responsible one. You aren't immature and annoying like some people we know. You were just there and shy and quiet and that made me notice you. The fact you just seemed together and enjoying yourself. That you didn't care that no guy was by your side because I think your mom is right you aren't the type of girl who needs a guy all the time. That reason right there makes me feel good since even though you don't need one, that you are good at going solo you let me be that guy. You let me be the one by your side." He smiles kissing my shoulder, "You let me in Brooke. You seem like you don't let people in often but you let me in. You let me in that night and when I was laying there with you I just got a feeling. One I hadn't felt in a long time. I knew you all of a few hours and you completely intrigued me Brooke Davis. There just is something about you that pulled me in."

"Well I am glad I did." I grin feeling his arms tighten around me.

"Me too." He whispers and I turn in his arms kissing him.

"Luke…" I whisper pulling out of our kiss and cupping his cheek stroking it softly.

"Yeah?"

"The way I feel about you freaks me out." I confess, "It's like for all this time I have been fine with not being with someone but then you came along and I don't know. I just want to be with you all the time and I know that sounds crazy I have known you barely two months but I just I care about you so much."

"I care a lot about you too Brooke." He smiles brushing my hair behind me ear.

"You make me happy Luke. Real happy and you make me feel all these feelings inside. Some are just feelings like strong feelings but then there are these other feelings."

"What other feelings?" he whispers and I feel somewhat nervous to confess this but I can't help admitting it all.

"Like these feelings of just wanting you." I confess and feel myself blush some but just seem him grin real big, "Sometimes when we are together I think I am just going to throw everything out the window and give into you because god the way you make me feel sometimes is just… I don't even know how to describe it. Like in the hot tub all I wanted was to say forget it all and be with you. That even if I think before hand oh I am not going to let it happen, I get with you and you kiss me and I am completely screwed. And that, those feelings scare the hell out of me." I finish my little ramble and Lucas just smiles flipping us over and kissing me hard and deep and see this stuff right here is when I want to throw it out the window and give into him. When his hands are running all over my body and his lips are on mine, this is the stuff that makes me want him so bad.

He slowly pulls out of our kiss smiling down at me rubbing his thumb softly over the corner of my lip, "When you are ready to throw it all out of the window please let me know." he smiles making me laugh.

"I will definitely let you know." I smile pulling him back down to kiss me and all I think is;

Everything is about to go out that window.

* * *

**Review please :D **


	12. Chapter 12

_A month; what all can happen in just a month. It took my mom a month to realize the worthless piece of shit my father was, but took her 15 more years to actually divorce him. It took a month for Haley, Rachel and me to save money for tickets to our favorite concert, it took a month for Tony to finish everything he needed to get his license back after his DUI and it took a month for Jay to get a job after graduating high school. It also took an extra month for Aiden to finally come and join us in this world._

_Want to know something else that happens in just a month? In just a month I fell for Lucas Scott. When I say fell I don't mean the L word because I am not ready to say that but I am talking about being so crazy about this boy I stay up all hours of the night talking to him. I miss him the second he is gone, and when I see him my heart skips a full beat. When he kisses me I get all these crazy butterflies in my stomach and I just could kiss him forever, and I know I am falling fast and hard and I am more than scared. I am almost afraid to say it out loud because I am afraid everyone will see how happy I am and take him away from me and I really don't want to lose him or the feeling I get when he is around._

_Now being I am so giddy and stupid over this boy I am sure there is a question everyone wants to know, have we slept together? It's an easy question with an easy answer;_

_No._

_Now don't think I haven't thought about it, when we are together and things start to get heated and my body is literally craving for is; wanting to feel him and wanting to be with him in every way, but I don't, I don't give myself to him. Rachel thinks I am nuts, she says he is so hot and so into me why not be with him already. She says that she can tell he will be good and that he is definitely the type of guy I want to sleep with because I won't be disappointed. Haley tells me that she knows I am scared about having sex for the first time but she can tell my feelings are true and real and being with someone you truly care about in that way is amazing._

_Well you want to know a secret, I am not scared. Am I nervous? More than anything; I am nervous about not being like the other girls he had been with, disappointing him and ruining what we have shared. There is a part of me that wants to know how many girls he has slept with, but then there is another part of me that doesn't even want to know, there is a part of me that just wants to think he has never had sex and won't know what to expect so he doesn't know if I am good or not._

_Now with all that I will tell you the biggest reason I haven't slept with him, and it's not the nervous or not adding up it's the fact he hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend yet._

_Yup it's true we have been together a month, 'dating' (and I say that with air quotes) a month and he hasn't asked me yet. Does he care for me? Without a doubt I believe that, he tells me many times he cares for me, how happy he is to be with me but he hasn't said Brooke you are my girlfriend. _

_Now I don't know maybe he just assumed, maybe he just likes this fun hanging out thing we are doing, maybe I am just nuts and thinking too much about this. But I do know until he says Brooke you are my girlfriend, or introduces me saying guys this is Brooke my girlfriend I am NOT giving myself to him in that way. I can't, I don't know why but I just can't let myself do that._

_He is coming over soon to 'hanging out' (again air quotes). We are going to hang out at my house a little while then go to the bar and meet the guys. No one is home which doesn't really make me nervous since I know he won't try anything, but still I want to talk to him about things. Especially if I am thinking about sleeping with him I want just a roundabout number, and that he is healthy, that he is completely safe._

_Well I hear my doorbell guess I better go get it. _

_~Brooke_

I throw my journal under my bed as I jump off running my hand through my hair, checking my appearance in the mirror real quick then heading to the door, knowing who is behind it and knowing I am more than excited to see him.

"Hey" I say opening the door, a smile already plastered on my face.

"Hey…" he smiles giving me a kiss; at first it was just a sweet one. One we have shared many times and honestly one of my favorites but then all of a sudden it becomes one of our intense kisses that actually caught me by surprised at first but of course it being him I give into it. "Anyone home?" he mumbles into my lips and I just shake my head no and wrapping my arms tight around his neck as he picked me up and we stumbled into my room and fall back onto my bed.

I am not too sure what is going on, I mean I know what we are doing but I don't know what got him so into me right now but I am not complaining I can kiss him all day. His tongue is in my mouth wrestling with my own, and his hands are on me and this hot burning feeling I feel taking over my body is all most too much.

"Baby I want you so bad…" he mumbles into my lips and as his hand runs up under the back of my shirt I can't help but tell him I want him too. And as soon as I do I feel him smile in our kiss, but then all the thoughts I have been thinking about come rushing over me and I can't do this, no matter how much I want to be with him and as soon as his hand runs over the button of my jean I know I can't do this.

I quickly push him off me and jumping off my bed fixing my shirt.

"I'm sorry…" I hear him groan into my pillow as he lays face down on my bed. But I don't say anything back as I pace slowly across my room running my fingers over my swollen lips. "Brooke…" he sighs sitting up on my bed to look at me but I still just pace, "I'm sorry…ok?"

"Yeah…" I say holding my hand up to him as I walk into my bathroom and digging through my drawer not really for anything just to give me a second to think without being in the room with him. Then getting up and walking back into the room to find him still sitting there clearly confused "How many girls have you had sex with?" I blurt out and his head shoots up to look at me.

"W-what?" he stuttered clearly not expecting me to ask him that.

"It's not a hard question Lucas. I mean I can tell you the number of people I have slept with which is zero. See it's not that hard so how many girls have you had sex with?" I ask again and he just looks at me like a deer caught in head lights.

"Umm…I…Why…Why would you want to know that?" he asks.

"Why would I want to know that?" I say with a dry laugh shaking my head at him "I don't know maybe because I was just about to have sex with you!" I say throwing my hands up in the air.

"I...You umm…we were…" Lucas trialed off and I start to wonder when he got where he didn't know how to use words, Mr. I Read and Write all the time can't even put a simple sentence together.

"Yes Lucas! I was just about to give in to you until I realized…" I start but this time it's me who trails off not wanting to actually tell him what I was nervous about.

"Realized what?" he asked and I roll my eyes at the fact now he decides to put a sentence together.

"Nothing…" I say and walk out of my room and into the kitchen but I hear him jump off my bed following me.

"Just tell me what you realized." He said again.

"Just tell me how many girls you have slept with. I mean I think me being your…your whatever I am I should at least know. So just tell me how many?" I ask again and kind of pleased that I slid in that whatever I am in there, good job Brooke. High five to me.

"I don't know ok a few…" he tells me and I just roll my eyes.

"A few like what Lucas 3, 4?" I ask but he just stands there looking at me "What more? Is it like 7, 8 I don't know 9?" I ask but again he just stares with me "Oh freaking great you have screwed half the world!" I snap slamming down the cup I had gotten out and stormed past him back towards my room.

"Look Brooke I have had sex ok, and maybe I have had sex with a number of girls but why does it matter?" he asks as he follows me.

"You're kidding me right?" I hiss spinning around to face him.

"No I am not. I don't get what any of that has to do with us. Me and you, because I remember you telling me we all have a past." He says and I quickly regret ever saying that to him.

"Lucas I am a virgin do you not get that!"

"Yes I get that." he says in a calming tone and clearly not getting at all what I am saying.

"I am a virgin meaning I have never had sex. Anything sexual I have ever done has been with you!" I yell pushing my finger into his chest and again he speaks in a calm tone.

"I know that." he smiles grabbing my finger.

"Lucas I will have no clue what I am doing! I will not know how to move or touch you or anything!" I yell.

"Brooke I know that, I understand that."

"No you don't Lucas, you don't have any clue. You don't know that every time I am around I have to control myself not to just give in right then and there. You have no clue that just by your kiss I feel my body burning for wanting more. And you also have no clue that the thought of being compared to all those girls you have been with terrifies me, because I know I won't add up to them…" I confess "I just won't."

"Is that honestly what you think? That I would compare you to them?" he sighs taking my hand in his.

"Not even meaning too you would Lucas. You would just do it, and I don't want to be with you thinking you are comparing me to someone else. I'm sorry I just won't." I tell him letting go of his hand and heading back into my room.

"Baby come here…" he calls following me and taking my hand pulling me onto the bed sitting next to him, "If and when we sleep together you have to know you will be the only person I will be thinking about, because I would be with you. I want to be with you and I know when we sleep together it will be amazing because I care so much about you. That alone beats out any of the girls from my past. Don't you get how much I care for you?"

"You care about me?" I question.

"Yes," he says with a small laugh "The way I feel for you Brooke I haven't felt for someone in a really long time." he smiles giving me a soft kiss "I really do care about you."

"Then why haven't you asked me to be your girlfriend?" I sigh looking at him and then quickly see him feeling hurt, but only because he knows it hurt me.

"Brooke…"

"Just forget about it…" I tell him as I get off the bed "I need to get ready to leave." I say grabbing my clothes and running into my bathroom real quick before he can say anything else. I run some water over my face and pull out my make up and start to get ready.

I have been in the bathroom about 30 minutes getting ready and I have yet to say anything to Lucas. I know he is just laying on my bed thinking and I also heard the garage open a few minutes ago so my mom, Aiden and Kylee are home. Tony and Jason were hanging out with Nash and Heath all day so they are probably already on their way to the bar, if not there already.

"Oh hey Lucas…" I hear Kylee say as she sits herself on my bed "What you up too?"

"Nothing…just thinking…" I hear him tell her.

"About my sister…" I hear her giggle, she is so cute and so oblivious that I can hear her every word but it's ok because I am sure Lucas is too.

"You would be correct…" he says with a dry laugh, "Are all you Davis's this confusing?" he laughs and I hear Kylee do her cute laugh, one that is much like my mom's and mine.

"Yeah sorry, I guess we should have informed you of the confusingness of the Davis's before you got into it." She laughs "But what has my big sister done to make your mind so crazy?" she asks and I lean up against my door to see if I can hear better.

"I don't know, I think I messed up I'm not really sure."

"Well are you two fighting?" I hear her question, and I just laugh. Kylee has known Lucas less amount of time then I have but still talks to him like they are best friends or something. But I'm not surprised that's just Kylee for you, she is so strong minded, so trustworthy and an amazing person. Sometimes I think she questions her amazingness but she shouldn't, when I meet someone I don't trust them, they have to earn that, I am much like my mother in that respect but Kylee she isn't. Kylee meets you and she trust you with her life, she will confide in you and she has a way of making you feel comfortable. A way of making you just open up to her, much like she is doing with Lucas right now. Kylee is one of a kind and I am so proud to say she is MY little sister.

Plus she can talk to Lucas about stuff that I get nervous about, like my own little spy.

"I am not actually sure. I think we might be, but I am not sure." I hear Lucas sigh and then I feel bad, I am not even sure if we are fighting or not fighting. I am not mad with him just frustrated, just want him to ask me to be his girlfriend now, he was the one who said he wanted to know we would lead to more and we have; so why hasn't he asked me to be his girlfriend yet, ugh frustrating.

"Where is my sister at anyway?" I hear Kylee question and figure it is now time for me to leave my bathroom.

"Here I am." I smile and see both them look at me, not sure if they are embarrassed I heard them talking or not. "But I would love to talk to you baby sister but I am heading out." I smile giving her a quick kiss on the head and spraying on some of my vanilla perfume. "Come on Luke." I smile somewhat sadly as I take his hand in mine and he eases off my bed.

"Brooke…" he sighs as we walk to too his car.

"Hey…" I say turning to look at him "Let's just not talk about it ok. Let's just go out and hang with the guys. And everything else we will…we will just talk about it later." He nodded but I knew he was not ok with what I said, he wanted to talk about it but I just wasn't sure what he would say and I didn't want to hear it right now, especially if it not the answer I really want right now.

I thanked god that the trip to the bar was so short because the car ride was beyond awkward. I mean we talked but it was just short conversations with many awkward pauses and as soon as we pulled into the parking lot I got out of my car loving the fresh air that hit me, because the car felt suffocating

"Brooke…" Lucas calls as we are walking through the parking lot. "I really want to talk."

"Lucas…" I sigh turning to look at him, "It just slipped out I didn't mean to say it ok."

"But I still want to talk about even if you didn't mean to say it." And I feel bad because he looks like he really wants to talk but I just don't want to right now so to shut him up I kiss him because that always seems to work. I pull him tight into the kiss and we stumble into someone's car behind me as he pushes me up against it. I try to push my tongue against his lips trying to deepen the kisses but he won't let me.

"Lucas…" I pout in our kiss and he smiles some then parting them so I can enter. I am so thinking this kissing thing was a great idea since he seems more into kissing me then to talk. His lips are hooked to mine and his hands are running down my sides and we are both getting into it until we hear.

"Lucas can you get your tongue out of my sisters mouth long enough to enter the bar."

"We are coming Tony." I growl rolling my eyes as all the guys laugh and head into the bar, "Sorry…" I laugh as I run my finger over his lips getting off my lips gloss. "Let's get inside." I smile taking his hand as we both walk in finding the bar more crowded than usual and the boys already at a table.

"We ordered you a coke," Jason smiles.

"Yes thought after all your activity outside you might need something to quench your thirst..." Heath smirks.

"Heath what does that even mean?" I laugh.

"You know what that means." He grins and we all just laugh at him for being dumb, but its Heath what does one expect.

"Yeah if we can stop talking about this now can we just play some pool?" Tony asks easing off his chair grabbing a cue stick.

"Yeah because talking about my baby sister making out with her boyfriend just makes me kind of sick." Jason laughs also getting up and I just sit down uncomfortably at his words, boyfriend, if they only knew that word is so confusing when it comes to me and Lucas.

"You ok B?" Nash asks as I take a seat next to him.

"Perfect." I smile fakely and chew on the straw that was just delivered in my drink.

The night went on like it normally does. They all drink; we all laugh and play pool. I danced a couple times with Lucas and even once with Nash which thankfully didn't make Lucas to jealous. He had become close to Nash and quickly realized that everything between us was friends and nothing ever more. Yet he wouldn't lie and admit only to me that it made him a little mad, because he still didn't like some guys hands on me other than him.

Most the guys had drank a little too much, including Lucas and I couldn't help laugh at their drunken antics. All the guys found some way to play pool with all five of them and watching them figure out a way to come up with that idea was almost as funny as watching them play because watching five drunk people play pool is very entertaining.

"Hi..." Lucas grins as he walks over to me as I sit on a stool.

"Well hello…" I smile wrapping my arms around his neck and he runs his hands slowly up and down my thighs giving me chills. "I think you along with those dorks over there have drank a little too much."

"I think you are right." He slurs tapping me on the nose, making me laugh. "You're my girlfriend." He grins and I just look at him "You Brooke Davis are mine."

"Luke are you saying that because you are drunk or because you actually mean it?" I question and he just shakes his head.

"Nope, I said it because I want you to be. I care about you Brooke so very much. And I want everyone to know you are mine, nobody else's just mine."

"Lucas are you sure? Because you have drank a lot and on-" I start but get cut off by him kissing me, "You stole my move." I laugh as we pull out of our kiss.

"It's a good move." He whispers before kissing me again and I just smile pulling him closer to me.

I feel Lucas run his tongue over my bottom lip and I part them not even caring my brothers are around, because right now I am kissing my boyfriend. However after sometime I do realize we are in a bar out in public and making out with him is probably something people don't want to see.

"Ok…ok…" I say pushing him away and he lets out a groan making me laugh.

"Why do you always tease me like that?" he pouts and I laugh.

"Well that is my nickname," I say in a matter of fact tone "but I am not teasing you just letting you go finish your game." I smile pointing at the table.

"I would rather do this…" he smirks leaning in to kiss me again but I put my hand over his mouth stopping him.

"Go finish playing pool and _if_ you win then later tonight I will let you do that." I smirk.

"Fine…" he groans giving me a quick peck then walking over to the guys. He is so cute playing pool. Actually he is pretty cute all the time, "Go Boyfriend!" I cheer and he looks over at me giving me a wink as I turn around in my chair grabbing my drink.

"Brooke?" I hear someone call.

"Yeah…" I say turning around realizing it wasn't one of the boys or Lucas calling me and I ease out of my seat as he walks over to me. "Umm…Hey."

"Hey how are you?" He smiles hugging me and I tense in his arms.

"Who the hell is that?" I hear Lucas say behind me clearly losing his buzz by that small hug and I already feel my heart starting to race.

"Uhh ohh…" I hear Tony say and I can feel everyone's eyes on me even if I am not facing them.

"Brooke?" he smiles that gorgeous smile and waves his hand in front of my face.

"Umm…I'm good." I finally say and my body tenses even more when I feel Lucas wrap his arms around me from behind and for the first time since I have known him I feel uncomfortable in his arms.

"Hey baby who is this?" I hear Lucas ask from behind me and I can hear the jealousy and protectiveness in his voice.

"Oh umm…" I say squirming in his arms and he knows it to since he releases his grip, which I quickly want back, and cursing myself for letting him think I was uncomfortable in his arms even if it was true.

"Brooke…" Lucas says popping me out of my thoughts and looking at him "Are you going to introduce me?"

"Oh umm yeah…this is Lucas…" I smile pointing and dreading the next line that came out of my mouth "And Lucas this is….Shane."

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**Review please :D**


	13. Chapter 13

**Thanks for the reviews ya'll I really love and enjoy them all and hope you all like this chapter.**

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"I can't believe you Brooke." Lucas yells at me for about the millionth time tonight.

"Ok can you not yell my mom, little brother and sister are asleep!" I snap so tired of this conversation.

"Whatever…" he growls walking into my bathroom slamming the door as I pull the pillows off my bed and pull back the sheets before heading over to my dresser and pulling out some clothes to sleep in.

"Did you have to invite him to hang out with us?!" Lucas again yells as he comes out of my bathroom and I just roll my eyes at him slipping out of my jeans. Now normally I don't change in front of Lucas, only because I think it's unfair. Not that I think I am just so gorgeous that he wants me so bad or anything because I don't, it's just I know we don't sleep together and I know we have been flirting with the line of sex and me standing in front of him in just my bra and underwear probably isn't helping. I mean as I stand here I can feel his eyes roaming up and down my body and his anger is on hold just for a second as he stares at me. And truth is I am probably only doing this one because I am so very tired but also maybe because he is pissing me off so bad with this talk I want to make him squirm I want to put my name to use and tease the hell out of him.

Yet that silence he was on and those few short moments I believe he wasn't anger any more ends as soon as I pull my t-shirt over my head. "I mean not only did you invite him you wouldn't even tell me who the hell the guy was."

Ok note to self to stop arguing with Lucas just go to bed naked.

"Ok one I did not ask him to hang out, he asked to catch up and what was I suppose to say, and two I told you who he was." I protest as I walk into my bathroom and brush my teeth.

"Yeah after I begged you to tell me. You didn't even let him know I was your boyfriend, after you made me feel like complete shit for not asking you to be my girlfriend sooner." He argues and I try all I can do not too bite the head off my tooth brush at how irritated he is making me.

"Lucas!" I snap spitting in the sink and throwing down my tooth brush, "I caught up with an old friend one I hadn't talked to in a few months what is the big deal?"

"The big deal is you loved the guy Brooke!" he snaps and ok I see big deal now. "Not a couple months ago you told me how much you cared for him and how you wanted to talk to him and be with him."

"Lucas I don't love him." I sigh now feeling completely guilty.

"You sure about that? You sure you have no feelings for the guy?" he asks and I am not sure how to answer that, I have feelings for him but they aren't like before, and they aren't like the ones I feel for Lucas. Are they stronger I don't know they are just different. "You know you say a lot when you don't speak." He sighs as he starts to walk out of my room.

"Lucas where are you going?" I ask worried since he has been drinking and I don't want him driving home, not after drinking and not after fighting.

"The couch…" he snaps slamming the door behind him and I sigh falling back on my bed.

_I don't like Lucas mad at me. I don't like fighting with him and I don't like the fact that he asks me to be his girlfriend Shane shows up. Like it's a sign or something, that minutes after he says I want you to be my girlfriend the other boy I have had strong feelings for shows up and I hate that. _

_Why is this so complicated, I mean Lucas is my boyfriend and I have these feelings for him I thought I understood until I saw Shane again. I guess it was one of those out of sight out of mind deals but now Shane is in sight, clear sight. He told me how he is thinking about going to school closer to home because he doesn't like the one he is at now and it really is too far from home. So that would mean he will be around more, he will be right down the road from me and he will be around and I could run into him and he also said we should meet up sometime and catch up. _

_I just smile and nodded._

_I know I shouldn't go out and catch up with him because I have Lucas, I have a boyfriend but is it wrong I want to have Shane too even if it's a friendly way. I know Lucas would never be happy with Shane and I being friends but is it really his place to say who I am friends with. _

_I know that last line is stupid I should just erase it; of course it's his place. Of course it makes him angry because I did have feelings for Shane and in this journal away from the eyes of the world and away from the eyes of Lucas I will admit I think I still do._

_I care about Lucas so much. I have no doubt I want to be with him no doubt. He makes me happy, he makes me feel safe and he makes me want to be with him every second of everyday but I still can't help these other feelings I feel._

_I don't want Shane I don't, that would just end in heart break and pain and I don't want any of that. I want to be happy, feel comfortable, feel safe. I want to feel the way I do when I am around Lucas, when he kisses me or touches me, and not even in a sexual way touch. Just a small touch like when he tucks my hair behind my ear or when he holds my hand, hell even if his hand accidently bumps into mine. But what am I suppose to do about these other feelings I feel, what am I supposed to do with this feeling in me that wants to be Shane's friend, what am I supposed to do?_

"Well I know one thing I can't do and that is sleep." I mumble to myself and get out of my bed tip toeing down the hall to the living room. I just need to talk to him, I can't know he is in my house and not next to me; I just can't sleep with him mad. But I have to admit he does look cute sleeping I feel almost bad waking him up.

"Lucas…" I whisper running my fingers through his hair as I sit next to him on the edge of the couch, "Luke please wake up." I ask but he just rolls over away from me, "Lucas please come to bed…"

"I am in bed…" he mumbles still not opening his eyes to look at me.

"Lucas please!" I beg growing more frustrated and hurt by the second and I guess maybe feeling what he felt when I didn't tell him I had no feelings for Shane "I can't sleep without you next to me…" I try hoping maybe that will make him get an ego boost or whatever I need to get him to just come back to my room.

"Guess you're not sleeping." He tells me with no emotion and I feel my heart break about how cold he is being to me, I didn't do anything, I mean I guess I did but I didn't mean too.

"Lucas what is everyone going to think when they wake up to find you on the couch?" I ask but again it doesn't seem to bother him.

"They probably will like it better. I doubt your mom likes me sleeping in your bed anyway." He shrugs still having yet to open his eyes.

"Lucas I'm sorry just come to my room, my bed is more comfortable then this couch." I try to reason but he still doesn't move so I just go into my childish mode "Lucas I am not leaving, so I am either going to sit here and bug you all night or you can come to my room and sleep."

"Brooke…" he growls and I can't help but smile since he at least now seems to have a small amount of emotion in his voice, "Can't you just let me sleep?" he ask opening his eyes finally and looking at me.

"No…" I whisper cupping his check and stroking it softly as he places his hand on top of mine, "Please just come to bed…" I ask again and I see him sigh and he slowly strokes my hand with his thumb where I think he might say ok but he doesn't; instead just rolls over away from me.

"Just go to sleep Brooke…" he tells me and I sit there a second with my eyes close and taking a deep breath, before giving up and heading back to my room and grabbing my journal.

_Guess that wasn't it._

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I just lay there staring at my ceiling not able to sleep. I don't know if it's because I know Lucas is down the hall or that I know he is angry with me I just can't seem to get my mind to shut up. I hate that he is mad and hurting and I hate that I have a stupid tear running down my face but I can't help it, I miss him. Which I know sounds completely dumb since he is down the hall but I still do, I can't help it.

"Lucas?" I smile sitting up in my bed when I see my bedroom door open.

"I can't sleep on the couch. I don't want to make your brothers think I did something wrong and get pissed at me." he explains as he walks over to my bed and climb in next to me.

"Oh…" I sigh a little upset he came in here just because he didn't want to fight with my brothers, but he is right my brothers find him on the couch they will think he did something wrong and get all over protective. I guess least he is next to me, just sucks he isn't looking at me. "Lucas…" I whisper wrapping my arm around his bare chest.

"Brooke…" I hear him sigh and push my arm off him. But the way he does it isn't like he is angry it's more just hurt, and the way he sighs just makes my heart hurt even more.

"Lucas I'm sorry…" I whisper again kissing the back of his shoulder, "I'm really sorry…." I repeat as I kiss up his neck and he rolls over to face me.

"Brooke…" he again sighs and I just kiss him and I can't help but smile that he doesn't pull away. Well at first he doesn't pull away. At first he kisses me back and when I place my hand on the back of his neck pulling him closer to me he doesn't do anything but grab my waist pulling me closer to him, but as soon as I try to deepen our kiss that's when he pulls away from me, "Brooke…" he frowns, "Just…just go to sleep."

"Lucas I am…"

"I know you are…" he cuts me off and flips back over on his side away from me "I just don't want to talk about it anymore."

I don't say anything back; I just flip over on my side and let another tear escape my eye. I thought him being in bed with me would make me feel better. I thought having him hold me tonight would somehow fix it but it doesn't. Because right now he isn't holding me, he isn't whispering things to me as we both fall to sleep or kiss the back of my neck or shoulder. He isn't snuggled all against me and making me feel safe in his arms, because right now he is on the other side of my bed as far away from me as he can get and completely irritated with me. And even with him in the same room as me, in the same bed I feel like he is so far away from me, I feel like he is in the room but not here.

How did this get messed up? He became my boyfriend tonight; right now we should be laughing and joking or cuddling and kissing. Right now I should be doing something couple like with him and for the first time in the few months I have known him and the month we started to become whatever we are I haven't felt less of a couple.

"Night Boyfriend…" I whisper looking over at him but he doesn't say anything back he just pulls my sheet higher up on his body and I roll back over and finally drift off to sleep.

I wake up in the morning feeling my heart break to find his arms not around me like I normally wake up too, but it breaks even more when I roll over and find he's gone.

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**Sorry it's shorter then my other chapters but the next one I promise is much longer. It's actually already halfway written just need to add a little more and go over the kinks and stuff so until next time please review :D**


	14. Chapter 14

**So question, does anyone really read this story? I personally really enjoy it but I don't know about all you. Each chapter I get a couple reviews so I was just wondering what all ya'll thought about it. But any who I had time over break to type so finished this chapter and in like 4 days got an update how happy are you with me? But anyway just let me know what everyone is thinking but enjoy chapter 14 please.**

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_You ever have something you love so much. Like a stuffed animal you had as a small child, or a blanket, or even a famous baseball signed by your favorite player. Growing up I had Baby, lame name I know, but one Christmas in my stocking I had this little teddy bear. He was seriously no bigger than someone's hand and I loved him. I remember when my mom came over to me and handed me the little brown teddy bear with the little red ribbon around his neck and asked me what I wanted to name him and I said Baby. My mom asked me why Baby and I thought it was so obvious. I was the youngest and at the time it was just Tony, Jason and I and I was called the baby so if something was smaller than me then it was now the baby. But back to the point, when I was about 7 I lost Baby in a parking lot somewhere, we looked everywhere for him but never seemed to find it. I remember at night sleeping weird because it was like a security thing, it made me sleep better knowing it was there, made me feel safe._

_That's how I would feel when I slept with Lucas. When he was next to me I would just feel better, feel safe. He makes me feel happy knowing someone is holding me or even next to me but not last night. Last night I felt weird, I felt like even with him lying right next to me he wasn't around. _

_A little over two months is how long I have known Lucas Scott and in that time I have shared a bed with him many times, whether it was at my house after he went out with me and the boys or at Rachel's house, or his place and every night when I went to sleep when I woke up he was there, his arms on most occasions where tight around me. But not last night, last night he was so distant, so angry and hurt and I don't know why. _

_I mean I know why because he hated what happened with Shane but nothing happened. We talked, we hung out nothing more. But to Lucas it was like I cheated on him or something, I know I didn't say Shane this is my boyfriend Lucas but Lucas had just became my boyfriend so it slipped my mind. Well that's the excuse I give, that's the excuse I am trying to convince myself on that I just slipped up._

_I just think I was shocked to see Shane and I completely lost any train of thought and that is my fault. It is my fault for letting him have that effect on me and I know that, but Lucas has to know that just because that happened doesn't mean I don't care about him, that I don't want to be with him because I do, because I am falling for him fast and he just has to know that._

"He has too." I sigh closing my journal and throwing it under my bed as I climb out of it and head out of my room to the living room to have everyone hanging out and talking "Hey guys."

"Hey….where is Lucas?" Tony ask and I just tense up moving uncomfortably not wanting to say I messed up we fought about Shane he left because then I would get yelled at by them.

"He had to run and do something this morning." I lie and they seem to believe it as they go on to what they were doing. I however just grab something to eat and head back into my room figuring I should try to call Lucas. His phone rang over and over and I seriously thought he wasn't going to answer.

"_Hello?_" I hear him growl into the phone and though I should be hurt and upset by his greeting I'm just happy he answered.

"Hey…" I smile sadly into the phone "You weren't here when I woke up, I just umm…I was just wondering where you were."

"_I had things to do._" he answers plainly and I just nod even though I know he can't see me, "_Is there something you need, I'm kind of busy._"

"Oh umm...no…" I sigh feeling bad.

"_Yeah well I'll just talk to you later._"

"Well are you going to Rachel's tonight?" I ask and hear him growl and I just want to die and never have called.

"_I don't know Brooke…If I am there I will see you if not then I won't._"

"Yeah umm…ok…I hope to see you later." I smile.

"_Yeah bye._" He hangs up and I just close my phone tossing it on my bed.

"I need my best friend." I say to myself jumping off my bed and getting dressed.

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The ride to Rachel's is so long and annoying feeling and when I pull into the driveway I wish I didn't come. I know what is about to happen I will tell her what is going on and instead of being a best friend and siding with me she will yell. Yell about if I want Lucas I need to give up on the ass of Shane. He won't make me happy, he will hurt me and Lucas is a good guy and I need to quit messing up. I know this talk so well I have heard it before but not with another guy involved just that Shane is an ass part.

I hate this talk.

I climb out of my car and kind of happy that Haley wasn't here, mainly because she dates Lucas's brother and she will so be team Lucas and least Rachel I can try to make understand me some, even with all the yelling she will still understand, or try to. "Rachel?" I call as I walk into her house and hear her yell in here from down the hall. I make my way to her room to find her I guess picking out something to wear for tonight.

"Hey B…" she smiles as I sit on her bed and she starts to straighten her hair.

"I messed up Rach…" I sigh and she just spins in her sit with the most serious look I have ever seen Rachel give.

"Are you pregnant?"

"What?!" I scream jumping up to look at her "Rachel no I'm not pregnant!"

"Ok good…" Rachel says letting out a long breath "Then how did you mess up?" she asks as she turns back to her mirror and continuing on her hair.

"Shane!" I growl falling back on her bed.

"Oh my god did you call Lucas Shane during sex?!" Rachel asks again turning to look at me.

"Rachel, me and Lucas have not had sex. I still haven't had sex with anyone. I swear don't you think I would tell you that?" I question in disbelief that one she thought I was pregnant and two that she thought I was just out having sex with someone and not telling my best friend that.

"I don't know, I mean I have just seen that boy and I don't think I could resist that long." She shrugs.

"Well you may be able to do whatever you want with him because I don't know if he wants to be with me anymore." I sigh.

"Why? What happened?" she asks putting down her straightner and turns to look at me.

"I messed up," I shrug sadly, "We were out with the guys and he asks me to be his girlfriend I say yes, then he goes and plays pool with the guys. He plays pool I hear someone call my name I turn and see Shane."

"Oh not good."

"No not good at all. He just like hugged me which kind of took me by surprise then Lucas walks over in his big protective jealous boyfriend persona and wraps his arms around me and asks _hey baby who is this?_" I tell her in my best fake Lucas voice.

"Boys are so dumb, I mean he didn't even know yet and was all ready making sure Shane knew you were his." Rachel agrees with an eye roll and that right there is why I am glad she was here over Hales.

"I know right. But I just tensed in his arms which I have never done before. And he noticed to because then his arms let go and his voice changed into more of a worried one and as soon as I said Shane he went all pissed off." I finish.

"Well he doesn't know about you and Shane right?"

"Of course he does, that was the first talk we ever had was about him and then that was our fight again when we first started being whatever we were."

"Well I mean you are with him, he should know you are happy with that."

"You would think, but Shane decided he wanted to catch up."

"Brooke you didn't sit there with Lucas and Shane did you?"

"I didn't know what to say but sure." I tell her and she rolls her eyes at me but lets me continue. "Yet we go home and fight all over again and I just I don't know." I sigh.

"Brooke what happened?" she asked with concerned and I feel eyes burn with damn tears I will refuse to let fall over this. "Brooke?"

"He asked if I still had feelings for Shane." I shrug sadly "And I couldn't answer him. I didn't know what to say." I choke out and those tears I was just bragging about holding back freaking fell.

"B…" Rachel sighs walking over and hugging me.

"I messed up Rach. And he left and he won't talk to me." I cry "I don't want to lose him Rachel. I want to be with him."

"Then tell him that Brooke. I know he may think it or you assume he knows but he may not. You need to tell him how you feel about him and that you don't care for Shane anymore." She tells me and I nod "Brooke you don't care for Shane anymore do you?"

"No, I mean I do. I care about him in a way I still can't explain to someone but I don't care for him in that way I want to be with him. I don't need to question it I want to be with Lucas." I tell her and its true yes maybe I might have some feelings for Shane I can't lie and say I don't but I want Lucas. I want to be with him. "I just want Lucas." I again cry letting my head fall into her lap.

"Then tell him tonight."

"He may not come Rachel. I asked and he goes if I see you I will see you if not then I won't."

"Trust me he will be here I know it." Rachel tried to reassure but it doesn't seem to be working.

"How do you know that?" I ask in such a little child way of begging it makes even me feel dumb.

"Because he may be mad but he cares for you. He doesn't want to lose you."

"I hope your right Rachel. I just want to fix it." I sigh and stop my tears from falling.

"You will. Don't worry it's all going to be fine." She smiles running her hand through my hair "I know it."

* * *

He is not here. I have been sitting here waiting and he hasn't showed up. Rachel tells me not to worry because Nathan is still not here and Haley swears he is coming but still I'm not sure. Right now we are all sitting around talking and laughing, well everyone is laughing I'm not so happy. Theresa has seemed to keep her bitch comments to a minimum tonight but I know if she knew we were fighting she would have a field day.

"The Tim is here!" we hear as Tim makes his way through the house to where we all are "and I brought a friend…" he says and my heart literally drops when I see who is with him.

"Shane!" Both Bevin and Theresa squeal jumping up and running over tackling the guy as Rachel just squeezes my shoulder letting me know its ok and not to worry. I give her a thank you smile and she just nods as she makes her way over to the boy who had held my heart for so long.

"Shane..." she smiles halfway giving him a weird hug.

"Hey Rachel thanks for letting me crash your party." He smiles pulling away from the hug.

"No problem I mean I didn't know you were coming but hey what the hell." She shrugs and he just nods before turning to look at me.

"Brooke good to see you again." he smiles walking over and hugging me and I am still surprised at how comfortable I am in his arms. Just a hug makes me feel all weird but that feeling gets erased, it gets erased about that time I hear the front door close again entering Nathan and Lucas on his side. He sees me hugging Shane and I quickly push him away getting a confused look but I don't care.

As happy as I was that he came because that proved he wanted to see me, as soon as I saw Shane I prayed he wouldn't come and only for the reason I didn't want to see Lucas's face when he saw him here. But I see it now as he stares at me then at Shane then back at me and the look even if I can't read it, I know I don't like it.

"I need a drink." he finally mutters to himself grabbing a beer and heading into the living room as everyone starts to talk again. Everyone but me who just kind of sits there staring out of the little like window thing from the kitchen that looks out into living room at Lucas. He looks up at me and we lock eyes for a brief second and I open my mouth like I want to say something from across the room but then just shut it. And as soon I shut it he shakes his head turning away from looking at me.

This feeling sucks.

* * *

After sometime I just tune everyone out and wonder if I should talk to Lucas now and also if I even want to if I will get yelled at again. Rachel nods her head towards him telling me, I messed up so I need to be talking to him now and I nod at her knowing she is right.

"If you all will excuse me…" I say walking past them all and walking to find my I guess still boyfriend standing by the fire talking to Nathan. "Hey…" I smile sadly, "Can we talk?" I ask and Lucas looks up at his brother giving him one of those nod things guys do again and Nathan walks away leaving us like I asked to talk. However then I find myself drawing a blank on anything I wanted to say and wonder why I didn't like I normally do plan this conversation out in my head.

"Brooke you going to talk or just stand and look at me?" I hear him and I come completely out of my daze.

"Lucas…" I sigh looking down then back up at him "I'm sorry. I messed up ok, but I am trying to fix it here."

"Yes and fixing it is inviting him here?" he questions and I quickly realize how all this must look to him. I guess after last night he would assume I told him to meet us all here and him getting here seeing us hugging looked bad again, real bad.

"Lucas I didn't invite him. I mean Tim brought him they are friends. I swear I didn't know he was going to be here." I try to explain to him but he just stands there, "Lucas…" I sigh again and slowly linking my fingers into his and stepping closer to him an thanking everything he doesn't pull away from me, "We can go somewhere else if you want. I don't really care where as long as I'm with you." I tell him, almost pleading as I let my other hand grip on to some material of his shirt on his side "Because I am sorry." I repeat for what feels like the millionth time since this fight.

"Brooke I know it's just…" he starts but gets cut off by Bevin yelling over to me.

"B come over here you have to hear this story…" Bevin calls over to me and I see her standing and talking to Shane who is clearly the one tell the story, and I feel Lucas let go of my hand.

"Go ahead Brooke…" he tells me and I just look down, "Go talk to the guy you care so much about." I hear him say and I just shake my head.

"I thought I already was…." I sigh turning away from him.

"Brooke…" I hear him say behind me but I just don't want to talk anymore. I am tired of this so I just walk passed Bevin and Shane and ignoring all the weird looks I was getting as I walk out of the house and sitting on the railing outside.

* * *

"I'm sorry…" I hear behind me and I don't even have to turn around to know who it is. I know that voice and to be honest I wish I wasn't hearing it right now. I am over all this and feel like I have done all I could and I really don't think I did anything wrong anymore. Yes I might have not told Lucas I might have feelings for Shane still but he knew it when he got with me I had feelings for someone else. I told him that and I told him to give me time and I will be over it, I thought he understood that.

"It's not your fault." I finally let myself say as he moves leaning on the rail next to me.

"You forget I know you Brooke…" he says and I just nod knowing he is right, "So I know when you are lying to me. I also know that I have caused you a lot of hurt over the past year so I am more than sure whatever hurt you are feeling now maybe related to me."

"Little full of yourself aren't you Shane?" I say with a smile, a smile that is not forced or fake, because around Shane I still can't help but have a true real smile.

"Well you know, I mean look at me…" he smirks making me laugh.

"Now I know you're full of yourself." I smile locking my eyes on his and feeling the goose bumps I have felt some many times by looking in them, yet this time it's different, something is different. "Thanks for making me laugh though. I needed it." I whisper to him breaking my eye contact and staring back at the stars.

"Yeah…" I hear him say as he pulls himself next to me. "So what happened?" he asks again and I just shrug, "Come on B you were always good at talking to me."

"Yeah well talking to you about fighting with my boyfriend about you really doesn't seem like the best conversation." I tell him honestly.

"So it was about me…" he says but this time it didn't have the funny, joking tone as before it is more of guilt and maybe a little bit of pain, "I'm sorry." He sighs placing his hand on mine.

"Again it's not your fault; I mean you aren't the one who became a mute when the boy you are supposed to be caring so much about asks if you're over someone else." I tell him and curse myself for being again so honest with him all the damn time.

"Well are you over me?" he questions and I roll my eyes turning away from him.

"You aren't allowed to ask me that." I hiss pulling my hand away and feel the anger building up in me by him.

"Why? If it's about me I think I deserve to know?"

"Are you kidding me?" I say with almost a laugh and he just stares at me, "I thought I love you Shane! And I would have these small moments where I thought maybe you would have actually cared for me too."

"I do care about you Brooke." He whispers again placing his hand on top of mine.

"You can't say that to me!" I snap jumping off the rail, "You had many opportunities to tell me that and you didn't. You never did… and now I have this great guy caring for me and I mess it up because I couldn't figure out my damn feelings for you!"

"Don't you think that means something?" he says back to me but when he speaks its calm unlike my yelling rant. "Brooke you have these feelings still for me that you can't explain doesn't that mean something to you?"

"Yes it means something to me! Its means that I am a complete dumbass!" I yell "God Shane why couldn't you have been here sooner huh? Why couldn't you have said this to me months ago, hell just a month ago? Why are you doing this to me now?" I sigh calming my voice.

"Because I see you slipping away from me and I don't want to lose you." He sighs taking my hand and I quickly see how his touch doesn't make my heart race like Lucas's. It doesn't give me chills all over and it doesn't make me want to just kiss him, his touch does nothing to me anymore.

"Shane you already lost me." I finally admit, but he doesn't say anything just kisses me. A kiss I wasn't expecting and a kiss that I had been wanting for so long to happen and a kiss I thought I would feel so much with yet when he pulls back from the kiss I have to be honest and whisper "I feel nothing." I see it actually hurt him some and I do actually feel bad, why I don't know but I do. "I'm sorry, but it's true. When you kiss me I don't even feel half of what I feel when I kiss Lucas. I want to be with him Shane and I can finally say I am over you."

"People meant to be always find their way in the end right? I mean that's what you always use to tell me." he whispers and I nod knowing I have said that to him so many times before, saying it only because I always hoped he would catch on to me meaning me and him.

"I still believe that Shane. I just don't believe that we are that meant to be." I whisper and for the life of me can't tell you why I feel a tear fall down my cheek. Maybe it's because I am relieved maybe because it's a great feelings being over Shane and closing this chapter in my life, or maybe because it's just as simple as the fact I did at one point love Shane Haggerty and telling him all this actual hurts, just doesn't hurt like it should when you give up the person you care about. It doesn't hurt like it did when I saw the look on Lucas's face when I was hugging Shane, it just doesn't feel the same anymore.

"Who knows…" he shrugs "But know I am sorry Brooke." He smiles wiping my tear, "I hope that Lucas guy knows how lucky he is."

"Well I messed up pretty much since we have been together so I think I am the one who needs to realize how lucky I am to have him." I say with a dry laugh and Shane nods.

"Take care of yourself Brooke." Shane smiles that still gorgeous smile at me and gives me a light kiss on the cheek, "And be happy you deserve it." Then walking off the porch to his car.

"Where you going?"

"Home. I need to pack."

"Why? I thought you were thinking about staying." I ask and he smiles at me again.

"Nothing really here to stay for anymore." He winks climbing into his car and driving off and I again laugh for the second time that night. To think after all this time and all the tears I shredded over that guy I just let him leave, I just let him drive right out of my life and felt nothing. And I know I felt nothing because my heart is starting to belong to someone completely different.

"Where's Lucas?" I ask Rachel walking back into the house finding him not around.

"He went upstairs. And what the hell B you want to fix it but you are outside with Shane. That's not going to do it." Rachel yells but whispers at me.

"I just need to talk to my boyfriend ok. Everything else you don't need to worry about." I tell her as I turn and start to make my way to the room and not being able to control the smile on my face. "Hey…" I whisper through the dark room looking to see Lucas laying on his back staring at the ceiling.

"Hey…" he says back but this time when he speaks it isn't like earlier with being pissed and whatever else he felt it is just tired.

"Lucas…" I say as I start over towards him but before I can say anything else he speaks.

"How was your talk?" he asks and I freeze "Hell how was your kiss?" he hisses and just like that his tone changes but his body doesn't he still stares up straight not looking at me.

"God Lucas…" I sigh "It didn't mean anything I swear."

"Yeah I feel like I have had this talk before. I feel like you have told me many times they are just friends; it means nothing but a friendly thing. How many friendly things do you do Brooke?" he asks finally sitting up to look at me.

"Lucas…" I whisper shaking my head walking over to him taking his hands in mine, "I want to be with you. I care about you so much."

"Yeah and kissing some other guy you have feelings for proves that." he sighs letting go of my hands and pushing me away as he moves towards the door.

"Lucas that kiss meant nothing! I can promise you that but I am glad it happened." I tell him and he turns quickly to look at me, "Shane kissed me he did. We were talking he was telling me how he had feelings for me and how he wanted to be with me and then he kissed me." I tell him honestly.

"Well isn't that just perfect." He says throwing his arms in the air "How am I supposed to compete with a guy who you have had feelings for all this time."

"Lucas you don't have to compete with him…" I tell him shaking my head as I walk towards him, "Shane kissed me and I felt nothing. He touched my hand and wiped my tear and his touch didn't make me get goose bumps or chills or nothing. When he touched and kissed me I didn't get the feeling I get when I am with you." I whisper looking up at him and I kind of like the way he tries to hold back the smile that is playing on his lips, "When he kissed me it's just didn't feel like it should." I tell him as I move myself closer to him and slowly pressing my lips against his; sharing one of the sweet kisses we share so many times and a kiss I love to share with him, and only him. "With just that small kiss right there I felt so much more then that kiss with Shane." And this times he fails with the smile holding and slowly pushes his lips into mine but this time our kiss isn't the sweet one like before it's the passionate one we share that I also love.

Lucas wraps one of his arms around my waist and I don't tense in his arms this time, as we both stumble over to the bed and falling on top of it not ones letting his lips leave mine. "I want to be with you Lucas…" I mumble into his lips and slowly pulling away looking at him and loving the feelings I get by looking into his baby blue eyes, "I don't want anyone but you." I tell him breathing heavily running my hand over his cheek.

"So you are…" he asks trailing off and I know what he was going to say.

"Completely over him. I have no one else in my heart but you." I smile giving him a light kiss, "All I want is you…"

"I want you too…" he smiles brushing a piece of hair behind my ear making me smile, "I care about you so much and I guess I just got scared I would get hurt like I did before." He tells me and I nod knowing he was talking about his relationship with Aislinn.

"I won't hurt you. Just don't hurt me." I whisper.

"I won't do anything to hurt you Pretty Girl." He whispers back and I can't help but smile, one at how amazingly perfect this guy is but also the nickname because I have never felt pretty but when Lucas tells me it I know he isn't lying to me.

"Good…" I smile kissing him but pull away before he can deepen it, "Boyfriend."

**

* * *

Please Review :D**


	15. Chapter 15

**My updates have just been so awesome right? Well here is my new chapter and I just want to tell everyone Happy New Years! Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and I will be seeing, well writing you all next year **

**I own nothing but that doesn't mean you don't have to review haha**

**ENJOY!!**

**:D**

* * *

_For about three weeks I have had an official boyfriend. A perfect, gorgeous boyfriend, one I am completely happy with and one that is all mine._ _The first morning when I woke up with him holding me, the morning after we stopped fighting, I couldn't help but feel like everything was working out for me. That just with Lucas coming in my life I have been so happy, I am falling for Lucas Scott and I am not at all afraid by that._

_Yet coming up is a Christmas party my family has every year, where the whole family on my mom's side gets together, eats, drinks, and catch up. You can bring your boyfriends or the guys can bring their girlfriends. I want to bring Lucas, I am just afraid he might say no, that meeting my whole family might freak him out, but I think if he can handle the family he has already met he should be fine._

_I hear Tony yelling that Lucas is here, wish me luck._

I nervously jump off my bed checking how I look as I head into the living room, finding Lucas sitting on the couch talking to my brothers as my mom makes dinner. I love how comfortable he is around all us, that our loud craziness doesn't freak him out. Because I will not even lie, my family is crazy we are loud and sometimes people may get annoyed with us, no matter where we go we are always laughing and joking so much everyone knows are name when we leave. We are just awesome.

"Well hello Boyfriend." I smile walking around the couch; sitting in his lap and giving him a kiss. I feel the boys move off the couch giving us some time alone.

"Well hello Pretty Girl," he smiles back pulling out of our kiss, "This is a nice greeting." He grins wrapping one of his arms around me and letting his other rest on my knee.

"Yes well I actually wanted to talk to you about something…" I trail off playing with one of his hands.

"Umm…ok…" Lucas says a little nervous.

"Well I know we haven't really been together technically that long…" I say biting my bottom lip.

"Ok babe you are making me a little nervous why not just tell me what you want to tell me." Lucas says to me and I know he is only nervous since we both got off to a pretty rocky start.

"Well its nothing bad." I tell him and he seems to relax some, "It's just every year before Christmas my family has like a Christmas party. I was kind of wondering if you wanted to go with me?" I ask.

"Sure, I mean it's not like I am not with your family all the time." he shrugs and I smile.

"Yeah that's the thing it isn't just us." I tell him and he just nods confused, "It's like us, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles. There is a lot of us there."

"Oh…"

"But it's not that bad. Is it guys?" I ask as everyone in the kitchen turns to look at me confused, "You know our Christmas party thing."

"Well it's not bad, I mean we get great food and hang out. Why is Luke coming?" Tony asks.

"Well I am trying to get him to go with me." I pout looking at him, "Please…" I beg placing my hands in front of my chest and pushing my bottom lip out as far as I can get it.

"If you want me there I will be there." he smiles kissing me.

"Yay!" I squeal clapping my hands together, "hear that momma Lucas is going to be joining us Wednesday." I tell her jumping out of Lucas's lap and dragging him into the kitchen with me jumping up on the counter as Lucas stands between my legs as I wrap my arms around his neck from behind and he leans up against the counter.

"Well thank god, I mean everyone always brings a date. Everyone but my children." My mom says.

"Hey…" Jay, Tony and I say together making Kylee, Aiden and Lucas laugh.

"What its true." She shrugs.

"Well we just always go alone because we don't want people to be jealous of how amazingly hot our significant others are." I say shrugging resting my chin on Lucas's shoulder.

"Aww…thanks baby…" Lucas laughs patting my leg and I just laugh kissing his cheek.

"Yeah Luke don't be too cocky I am definitely the best looking one there." Tony laughs.

"Actually I am." Jason shrugs grabbing some food my mom was cooking.

"Stop you will eat it all before dinner is even ready." She groans smacking his hand away.

"You know I hate to upset everyone here but I am definitely the best looking guy there." Aiden says and we all laugh.

"Yes gorgeous boy you are so right on that." I smile at my baby brother, "Hey A…" I whisper to him and wave him over to me. "I have a mission for you…" I tell him and he nods as I lean down to him everyone laughing as I do, "Ok what I need you to do is grab me a couple French fries but you can't let mom see you." I whisper in his ear and he nods as he slowly tip toes over to the plate, "watch him." I whisper in Lucas's ear.

We both watch as he leans up against the counter crossing one foot over the other and looking at his finger nails. My mom starts making something else and Aiden looks at me with a wink slipping his little hand under the foil.

"Aiden!" my mom yells and he grabs a hand full then taking off out of the room and around the living room back to me handing me some making both me and Lucas laugh, "Brooke I told you ya'll had to wait until dinner."

"I did nothing..." I say innocently. "Not my fault Aiden wanted something to eat and wanted to share with me." I shrug.

"Right well I want all you out of my kitchen or I will never finish." Mom orders us "So out…out…" she says waving her hands as all the kids file out, all of them but me who just sits there.

"You coming?" Lucas asks.

"Yeah I will be there in a second go ahead and watch the movie with the kids I'll be right there." I tell him and he nods patting my leg and heading to the couch.

"What's you thinking about?" mom asks as she continues to cook.

"Nothing really." I shrug.

"I like this look on you." She tells me as she walks to the fridge pulling out a drink for her and handing me one.

"What look?" I ask opening up my coke and taking a sip.

"The look of being happy." She smiles leaning up against the counter next to me as we look at the kids and Lucas.

"Yeah I am happy." I smile as I watch the boys and Kylee and Lucas shooting each other with Aiden's nerf guns. Right now Lucas and Kylee are hiding behind the sofa whispering something to each other as the other boys are hiding behind a wall.

"He fits into this family pretty well." My mom comments and I nod, "I mean how many guys would actually play guns with a full family?" she laughs.

"Not many…" I say with a small sigh.

"What's wrong?"

"It's just…I am happy really happy and that makes me nervous because I mean I am me." I tell her and I know to some people that would not make since but my mom and I are the same person so she knows exactly what I mean.

"Everyone deserves to be happy Brooke. And I know you think that it may not be allowed for you to be happy, for you to smile all the time but it is."

"I know I just think that since I am so happy sooner or later the rug is going to get pulled out from under me. that's all." I tell her with a shrug but still looking over at the kids. I hear Kylee yell as Jay shoots her and I see Lucas grab her pulling her back over the couch making her giggle then looking at me with a wink and a smile.

"You see that?" my mom ask and I break my eyes away from my boyfriend to look at my mom "That boy right there gives you this look." She tells me and I again look confused.

"What look?"

"A look I have only gotten once in my life and from one boy. A boy I loved very much and the look was one that makes your heart flutter and your body get all goose bumps. It's this look that only he gives you and no one else. Like when he looks at you it's completely different then the look he gives anyone else."

"What does that look mean?" I ask looking back over at the boy in question.

"Well usually it means he is falling in love with you."

"Mom there is no way he is falling in love with me, we haven't been going out that long. There is no way that emotion is inside him." I tell her and she just shakes her head at me.

"Brooke, when it's the right person the time limit doesn't matter. I mean it's just there and it's just a feeling that is wonderful and I want you to experiences it and not run and be afraid of it."

"I'm…I'm not afraid."

"Yes my baby girl you are. You are me and that word will scare you more than any other word out there, but just know that one day you will say that to someone and I am not saying it will be Lucas even though I am more than sure it will be. I am just saying that one day you will be with a guy and your feelings for him will be like no other feeling. Like I know that you thought you cared about Shane…"

"Mom…" I sigh really not wanting to talk about Shane.

"No I am just saying that one day you will realize your feelings for Shane don't even compare to when you actually love someone." She shrugs and I nod, "And when you feel that please be happy and accept it don't run away from it ok."

"Ok." I smile and she kisses my cheek and heads back to cooking.

* * *

Soon dinner is ready and we have all finished eating and I smile as I watch Lucas help mom clean the kitchen even though she told him he was company and didn't have to but he wanted to. After sometime Lucas and I head over to Rachel's to hang out with everyone. I like the drive even though we are sitting in silence its comfortable and I also like while we drive he holds my hand and kisses it ever so often, he is so great.

"Well if it isn't the new "it" couple." Rachel teases as me and Lucas walk into her house hand in hand.

"Yeah yeah Rach don't be jealous." I say rolling my eyes as Lucas falls onto the couch and pulling me into his lap.

"I'm not just saying." Rachel shrugs as she puts on a movie and we all talk just kind of listening to the movie not really watching it.

"Whatcha thinking about?" I ask Lucas running my finger over his jaw line.

"You." he smiles.

"Hmm…really…" I grin leaning towards his lips.

"Yup…" he answers right before my lips are on his. Not even caring I let his tongue slowly enter my mouth as I place my hand on his cheek pulling him closer to me. Lucas lets his hand grab onto my hip pulling me closer to him and I just curl my body into his. I love kissing him.

"Hey you two quit…" I hear Nathan yell right before pegging us with a pillow.

"Ugh!" Lucas groans pulling away from me and I let out a small giggle.

"Sorry…" I blush wiping my lip gloss off Lucas's lips as he grins looking at me. My thumb runs over his bottom lip and I giggle more when he traps my thumb between his teeth, "Baby stop." I giggle pulling my thumb back.

"Sorry." he smiles before kissing me again and I once again place both hands on his cheeks pulling him closer and sucking on his bottom lip before I slid my tongue in his mouth and his tongue wrestles with mine.

"Hey I repeat quit!" Nathan laughs throwing another pillow at us, again making me laugh but Lucas just groaning again.

"Nate your killing me here." Lucas somewhat pouts making everyone laugh. I know they are just screwing with us since, one we weren't really doing anything and two they all do it all the time. You can't even count the number of times I sat here alone on the couch watching Rachel and Cooper or Nathan and Haley going at it. So if they can I don't see why we can't.

"I swear if you two go at it like that in public I can only imagine what you two do behind closed doors." Cooper smirks getting a smack from Rachel who gives me an I'm sorry look.

"Yeah…" I laugh nervously shifting uncomfortably in Lucas's lap, which I know Lucas notices because he just tightens his arms around me to stop my moving.

"Hey whatever me and my girlfriend do in public or behind closed doors is no one's business but ours." Lucas's says with a laugh which makes everyone else laugh yet everyone can tell he is serious. "Don't worry about them." He whispers in my ear with a small kiss on my cheek and I just nod.

* * *

The night continues and its fun; everyone is talking about something and I am just standing by the fire watching my boyfriend talking to his friends and god is he cute.

"So you two are the real deal huh?" Theresa asks and I just roll my eyes.

"Yes Theresa he is my boyfriend." I growl taking a sip of my drink and question why we let Theresa even come to these things to hang out, because it seems the more we grow up the bitchier she gets.

"Your boyfriend that you don't sleep with." she smirks.

"I don't see how that is any of your business." I hiss looking at her and she just holds her hands up in defense.

"I am just saying B, boys have needs and I don't think Lucas over there will wait forever. I mean I am sure that boy could have any girl he wants." She tells me like she is actually concerned but I know it's nothing but complete jealousy.

"Don't you have a fiancé you should be bothering?" I scuff.

"Oh we are on a break." She tells me and I roll my eyes, they are always on a break, mainly because Theresa is nothing but a skanky whore, "And since I am on the break I am free to do whatever."

"And let me guess you want that whatever to be _my_ boyfriend." I snap.

"No I would never do that to you Brooke." She smiles fakely and I just want to smack her "I am just saying just because I wouldn't do that to you doesn't mean no one else will." She shrugs "Just think about that." she winks and walking off.

I stand there for a second thinking about it all. I know Lucas will probably be my first and that is just a matter of time, but while I am waiting for that time I don't want other girls to be throwing themselves at him, I don't want him to be tempted to cheat on me even though I don't think he ever would.

Placing my drink on the fire place I slowly walk over to Lucas who is talking to Nathan and Jake and whisper, "Come with me…" in his ear as I slip my hand into his. He gives me a look and I just tug on his hand and he tells the guys he will be right back but he won't, not if I have anything to do about it. I take his hand leading him up to the room and he clearly doesn't know what's going on.

Walking into the room he sits down on the bed and I shut the door behind me and locking it as I lean up against it.

"Brooke what's going on?" he asks but I just put my finger to my lips silencing him as I walk over to the bed placing my knees on either side of him, positioning myself in his lap and kissing him. The kiss is hard and rough and though I know at first it caught him completely off guard he quickly kisses me back and lets my tongue dart in his mouth. His hand like many times before runs up under the back of my shirt and I pull on the back of his neck pulling him closer to me.

He moves his lips from mine to my neck sucking hard on a spot just below my ear and every time he kisses me there my whole body gets chills, "Luke…" I moan and he moves his lips back on mine kissing me again a little longer before pulling away.

"Ok…ok…" Lucas says pulling out of our kiss breathing heavily "We better stop now." He says and I know he is only saying it because the fact we always do this. We stop before we hit a point where he can't control things anymore but he doesn't know that I want to hit that point, I want to pass that point.

"No…" I say kissing him again but after a few minutes he pulls away again.

"Ok baby I really think we should stop now." He tells me again but again I shake my head kissing him and though at first he tries to stop himself he gives up as we fall back on the bed me laying on top of him.

"I want you…" I mumble into his lips and nervously letting my hand slide down his body to his jeans to unbutton them.

"Whoa…" he jumps removing my hand but still laying under me. "Brooke what are you doing?" he asks and I just sigh sitting up from him.

"Nothing…just forget it." I say getting off the bed fixing my shirt, feeling completely dumb and embarrassed.

"No I don't want to forget it, what is going on here?" he asked again grabbing my hand pulling me back to him.

"Nothing Lucas nothing is going on here. Why don't we just go back downstairs?" I all but beg because I really don't want to talk about this. I mean I just threw myself at this guy for him to stop us, yeah don't really want to talk about it.

"Because, what just happened? I mean what were you trying to do?" he asks.

"Nothing…" I say again but he gives me a yeah you were so I just sigh figuring this talk is going to happen if I wanted to or not "I guess…I guess I was trying to have sex with you but you clearly don't want too."

"What?!" he asks in disbelief "First let's just clear up of course I want to have sex with you so don't ever think I don't but why? What made you do this? Was it because what Cooper said?" he asks but I just shake my head no, "Then what happened?"

"Nothing happened Lucas…" I groan getting off the bed. "Can we just go back downstairs and forget this. I don't want to talk about it, it's embarrassing."

"Why is it embarrassing?"

"Because I just made a fool out of myself." I tell him and he just cracks a smile "This isn't funny." I somewhat pout crossing my arms over my chest.

"Baby come here…" he smiles taking my hand again and pulling me next to him on the bed, "You did not make a fool of yourself. I want to be with you I do, I want to be with you so bad. So so bad…" he smiles and I let out a small laugh "But I don't want to be with you in someone else's bed, someone else's house and everyone downstairs. I also don't want to be with you just because someone said something that made you have such a change of heart on this." he says and I open my mouth to protest his last statement but he cuts me off before I can "And don't say no one did because I know you Brooke, I know when you're lying to me."

"I know…" I sigh looking down playing with my fingers.

"So what made you change like this?" he asks again.

"It's stupid don't worry about it." I say getting off the bed again and walking over to the window.

"Just talk to me…" Lucas asks me spinning around to look at him.

"I just…" I pause looking down, "I just don't want….I don't want you looking somewhere else for what you aren't getting from me." I confess.

"What? What would make you even think that?" He asks sounding a little hurt I was even thinking that. I want to stop this talk now I want to just walk away again and act like what just happened didn't just happen. Yet I think he knows that because he has one of his hands holding onto mine and the other has a few fingers looped through my belt loop. "Brooke…" he whispers but I just look down, "Talk to me..."

"It's just…" I pause before looking back at him "I was talking to Theresa and…" I start but he cuts me off.

"Ok look what is wrong with that sentence right there, you were talking to Theresa." He says with a small laugh and I nod knowing he is right but still.

"I know but she made some good points," I tell him and he looks at me confused "Ok like how you could get any girl if you wanted to, or that you as a guy has needs or whatever. Or the fact that girls would have no problem throwing themselves at you and if I am not around what's stopping you." I sigh.

"Brooke…" he sighs lifting my chin to look at me, "I don't want anyone but you ok? Yes there are times when I want to have sex but I only feel that when I am with you, when we are together and doing kind of what we were just doing. Because I won't lie that I want to have sex with you, I want to be with you in that way but I am fine with waiting for you, and what's stopping me is the fact I care about you Brooke, no one else but you."

"I just feel bad about it. I want to be with you I know I do, I'm just…" I pause looking down avoiding his eyes as much as I can "I am just nervous that's all." I tell him in barely a whisper.

"I know you are. And that's ok." he smiles brushing a piece of hair behind my ear "It's ok to be nervous and scared and any emotion you feel. It is all fine. I just want you to know I don't want to rush being with you. I don't want you to feel you _have _to do it. I want you to do it because you are ready and comfortable with it." He smiles and I can't help but lean up and kiss him.

"Do you know how perfect you are?" I ask and he lets out a small laugh.

"Yeah…yeah I do." he smirks and I just laugh "But promise me you won't worry about this anymore? That you trust me."

"Of course I trust you Lucas."

"Ok good…" he smiles "Oh and no more listening to Theresa."

"Ok I promise I won't." I laugh taking his hand as we head back downstairs. And that embarrassed feeling I thought I felt was gone. I know I can't be embarrassed with Lucas because I am comfortable with him, he is perfect and amazing and he is mine, all mine.

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**HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!**

**REVIEW PLEASE!!!**

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	16. Chapter 16

**Thanks for the reviews last chapter and all the story alerts!**

**I own nothing of course but enjoy anyway haha**

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_So today is the day of the little party my family goes to. I am so excited though I think my boyfriend is a little nervous. I personally think its cute how he keeps trying to remember all their names when in reality I have trouble with how many there are, but he is trying. I told him just to hang with me and the kids he will be fine, but then stupid Tony told him to watch out for our grandpa because I am his baby and he doesn't like anyone messing with me. I laughed but Lucas is now nervous to meet him too. _

_Stupid Tony._

_I am already dressed to go. I am wearing my dark gray mixed with a little green jean kind of skirt and my black sweater, well short sleeve sweater so I don't know if it's technically a sweater. My makeup looks actually really good I think which makes me happy. But Lucas tells me I always look good._

_Isn't he sweet?_

_He is so great. The little things he does are what make me fall even more for him. Like when we are standing there and he kisses the side of my head, or when he kisses my forehead. I love when we drive in his car, he holds my hand, or when we are hanging with friends, whether it is Rachel and everyone or just the guys he doesn't change. He doesn't act differently around them then when it's just us two. He will still hold my hand and give me small kisses, he is still just as sweet and he is still just Lucas._

_Over the past week I have realized something, I realized that I am ready to be with him. Be with him in a way I haven't been with anyone else in my life. In a way that even if he isn't the person I marry and spend the next 50 years with that I will never forget. Because they say you never forget your first and I know I will never forget Lucas. And even if we don't end up together I will never regret being with him in that way, because I am comfortable with him, I feel safe with him._

_Am I still nervous, and scared? Yes but I know what I want and I know I want Lucas._

"Hey you ready to go?" Kylee asks walking into my room and I nod putting down my journal and walking into the bathroom checking myself on last time. "Your lover is in the living room with the boys." she tells me.

"Ok…" I smile walking out of the bathroom, "How do I look?" I ask and she smiles a smile that is much like mine and our moms.

"Gorgeous." She grins standing up and doing a little spin, "How do I look? Do I look as good as you?"

"Better." I smile, and it's true I have always found Kylee gorgeous. She has about shoulder length light brown hair and her eyes are so pretty. They are like a pretty honey brown, and on top of that for 14 she is getting some curves on her and that makes us all nervous since we know how pretty she is and we know boys notice that too. We all think the same thing when we see her and as her clothes get a little tighter and her skirts a little shorter,

God help us.

"Well let's go big sister." She grins looping her arm through mine.

"Let's go little sister." I smile grabbing my purse as we walk out of my room to find everyone waiting by the door ready to go. "Hey," I smile walking over to Lucas as he wraps his arm around my waist.

"Hey Pretty Girl." He smiles kissing the side of my head, and see I love that stuff right there.

"Ok you all ready to go?" mom asks walking in with her purse in hand and looking just as gorgeous as ever.

"Yes we are." Tony says.

"Yeah mom we have been waiting for you and B to hurry your asses up." Jay says and everyone laughs.

"I guess we are one in the same, but all your talking is what is holding us up so get in the car." My mom orders us all waving her arms as everyone climbs into her car and I get in Lucas's.

Mom pulls out and we follow as we head to my grandparents house. Most the ride is quiet just the music going and I know it's quiet because Lucas is next to me thinking.

"Don't be nervous." I smile looking over at him and slipping my hand in his.

"What? I'm not nervous." He says a little too quickly and I know he is lying and I just laugh, kind of like I know when he is not telling me the truth, and I like I can tell when he is nervous and just the fact I know him so well.

"Yes you are and don't be, its fine."

"Easy for you to say all these people know you. I am just some guy they all think is corrupting their sweet little Brooke." He tells me.

"Lucas…" I laugh spinning in my seat to look at him, "One you are not corrupting me, and two you aren't just some guy, you are my guy. My boyfriend and they will love you I know it." I smile and he nods kissing my hand as we pull into the neighborhood and down the driveway to my grandparent's house.

"This is where you grandparents live?" he asks and I laugh, since that is the responds we always get when we bring someone here.

"Yeah it is. My grandpa is; well was an architect and designed my grandmother's dream home. And though it took some time they got it." I smile getting out of the car shutting it seeing a lot of the family already here.

"This house is amazing." he says still in awe of the home. Which I get since it is pretty big. It's all wood and has three stories, with four bedrooms on the top floor however one of the rooms is where my grandmother paints. Then their bedroom on the main, it has a living room on the main floor and then another one in the basement along with a room with a pool table, and ping pong table. The main floor has the kitchen, a back porch that is screened in where we all hang out on and then an office for my grandfather to work. The downstairs basement has my grandfather's shop where he builds and then a spare room that has just lots of random things.

I love this house and not because of all the things I just describe but because the backyard. They only have about 7 acres but it's so beautiful with all the trees and the small river in the back. Spring time is my favorite time here because the flowers bloom and it's just so amazingly beautiful.

"You ready?" I smile and Lucas nods as I take his hand and follow the rest of the family inside. And at the door like always with a smile are my grandparents. "Hi." I smile letting go of Lucas's hand and hugging them both. And while we are on this don't you just think grandparents give just the best hugs, like seriously I love them.

"Hey Brooke." They both smile. "And who is this?" my grandmother ask looking at Lucas who is standing behind me all nervously.

"Grandmamma, Papa this is Lucas." I introduce, "Lucas this is my Grandmother and Grandfather."

"Sir, Ma'am" Lucas smiles shaking both their heads.

"Oh sweetie call me BJ and call this old man right her Jerry." Grandmamma says in her sweet grandmother way and Lucas smiles and seems to relax.

"Yes ma'am." Lucas says.

"Well everyone is downstairs Jerry honey will you take Lucas and Brooke will you come help me take some stuff downstairs please." She asks and I look over at Lucas.

"Umm…"

"Oh Brooklyn you can be away from him for five minutes." She laughs taking my arms and I smile giving Lucas a wink as he walks down the hall with my grandfather and thank everything that Tony and Jay are already down there. "Well he is very cute Brooke."

"I know he is pretty gorgeous." I smile as she hands me a tray.

"He actually reminds me of your grandpa." She says and I just roll my eyes, since I think grandparents always say that about their grandchildren's boyfriends or girlfriends.

"Don't roll your eyes missy I am being serious, with his whole baby blue eyes and that cute little smile. Trust me I am more than sure one look and smile that boy can talk you into anything, trust me your grandpa still does that one to me."

"Grandmamma!" I squeal and she laughs.

"Oh sweetie I am old not dead." She says and I again laugh, she is so out there, why can't see be like normal grandmother who knit and never talk to their grandchildren like she does us. "Just be careful." She says in all seriousness.

"Ok." I smile knowing I can't argue with her about something like that and she just kisses the side of my head as we head downstairs. I walk into the spare room putting down the tray of food then into the living room finding Lucas talking to my grandfather.

"Papa I hope you are being nice." I smile walking over and he wraps his arm over my shoulder.

"Aren't I always nice?" he questions and Lucas laughs as I shake my head no, "Well I am being nice this time. You have a good one here Brooke." He smiles.

"Yeah I know." I smile over at Lucas. "But umm…Grandmamma wanted you something about an oven problem."

"Yeah I am on that." he smiles kissing the top of my head, "Lucas I will see you later." He says and Lucas nods as he walks off heading upstairs.

"Well you seem to be making friends." I smile wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Yes Tony and Jay already told me to get in good with your grandfather, because if he approves then the rest of them will." He smiles wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Trust me you don't have to worry, because I can already tell everyone likes you." I smile leaning up giving him a small kiss as he squeezes his arm tight around me picking me off the ground making me let out a small giggle before putting me back down.

"Brooke!" I hear someone say and I growl burring my head in Lucas's chest knowing who that is. And as I turn I see just who I thought; Megan. And truth is she is my least favorite person here, probably because she is really sluty and pretty much a bitch, family or not it's true. Tony, Jay and I would always sit around laughing at her as she talked about the crazy nights she has had. We once heard her telling our mom a story about her getting drunk and sleeping with some guy and how she couldn't remember his name and stuff. The whole time we died laughing at all the looks our mom was giving us.

"Hey Megan." I half smile turning to face her.

"And who is this?" she asks eyeing Lucas up and down and all I want to say is no chance sweetie, no chance at all.

"This is my boyfriend, Lucas. And Luke this Megan." I introduce and Lucas just smiles and nods as Megan I swear is in Rachel's words undressing him with her eyes and I will tell you right now she better stop.

"Well hello Lucas." she grins.

"Hi…" Lucas smiles wrapping his arms around me and resting his chin on my shoulder.

"Luke man come play pool with us." Tony calls over to him and Lucas looks at me as if he wants to know if it's ok.

"Go ahead, I will be there in a second." I tell him and he says ok giving me a kiss then heading over to the guys, and I am more than happy he did.

"Well he is gorgeous." Megan says not taking her eyes off my boyfriend.

"Yup he is." I agree not really wanting to talk to her, and wonder why Tony saves Lucas but not me not cool, not cool.

"Well lucky you." She smiles walking away.

"Umm…ok…" I say as I head over to see the guys until my mom calls me to help her with something. I finish helping my mom but it seems throughout the night everyone keeps talking to me which is nuts because I feel like they never talk to me this much. I have introduced Lucas to just about everyone and everyone seems to really like him which is great I just wish they would like me enough to let me talk to him instead of all them.

* * *

Everyone has finished eating and is now just hanging talking. I helped clean up some but after mom and grandmamma told me to go spend time with my boyfriend I didn't think twice about going to see him. He is sitting on the couch talking to one of my many cousins and he just looks again like always so comfortable with my family.

"Hey babe." I smile wrapping my arms around his neck, and my cousin nods getting up and walking away.

"Hey I have been wondering where you have been." He smiles holding my hand as I walk around the couch sitting next to him.

"Well every time I come to see you someone just has to talk to me." I frown and he laughs.

"Awe well aren't you just so popular." He teases taping my nose with his finger.

"Yeah well you know…" I laugh as I cuddle up to him on the couch, "Thanks for coming tonight." I whisper up to him.

"Anything for you." He smiles kissing the top of my head, "So are you going to show me around this huge place you call a house?" he asks.

"Yeah sure." I say getting off the couch and grabbing his hand as I taking him up to the main floor as everyone else just hangs out down stairs. I show him my grandpa's offices and all his model homes and blue prints, I show him the living room and even my grandparent's bedroom because their bed room is so neat. It has the bathroom inside the bedroom and then four steps into their bedroom, and then off their bedroom is a small porch with their hot tub.

Then I take him upstairs show him my mom's brother's old room and my grandmother's room where she paints and my mom's old bedroom. "And this is the spare room." I tell him as we walk into the last room on the hall, it's smaller than the rest but it's still a good size room.

"This house is really nice." Lucas comments looking around the room.

"Yup wanna see my favorite part?" I ask and he nods as I open the window and I climb out, "Are you coming?" I ask popping my head back into the room and he nods as he walks over and climbing out on the roof with me. The roof is flat and I love coming to sit on it and think. Plus the view is pretty great.

"Well this is a nice view." Lucas says as he sits down and I lean back into him and he wraps his arms around me.

"Yeah I use to come out here too think. It's just relaxing." I whisper as the wind blows and I get a small chill.

"You cold?" Lucas ask and I just shake my head no which he knew was a lie. "Yeah you are…" he grins wrapping his arms tight around me and I just snuggle closer to him as he starts to kiss my neck. I let him kiss my neck a little longer before I turn in his arms kissing him. We both slowly lean back as Lucas is on top of me and his hand is on my side pulling me closer to him.

He moves his lips back to my neck and I love that feeling I get by that. The chills and tingles that take over my whole body and I know I am ready; I want to be with him. "Lucas…" I whisper nervously.

"Mhmm…" I hear him mumble into my neck as he moves his lips back to mine and making it extremely hard for me to tell him what I want to tell him.

"Lucas…" I mumble in our kiss and he pulls away from me.

"I'm sorry…" he apologizes shaking his head.

"For what?" I whisper slightly confused.

"I just thought I rushed things again, that I made you uncomfortable." He explains and I smile, if he only knew I was thinking the opposite.

"No…no it's not that. I mean it is but not what you think…" I say biting my bottom lips watching how he just looks at me completely confused, "Lucas I want to be with you…" I whisper to him.

"You are with me." he says and I let out a small laugh seeing he clearly isn't getting what I am saying.

"No I want to be _with_ you…" I repeat "I am ready to be with you." I say running my hand through his hair and see how he slowly starts to get what I am saying.

"You are ready?" he questions.

"Yes I am ready."

"You are ready to be with me. Like _be_ with me?" he asks and I just nods yes, "What…I mean…umm…" he trails off and I know he is just thinking that something has happened, like I am saying it because I am like claiming him or something, but that's not it, no one said anything I just want to be with him.

"Nothing…nothing made me think it. I'm…I'm just ready. I want to be with you Lucas." I tell him and see him let out a small smile.

"When?" he ask eagerly and again I smile running my thumb over his bottom lips.

"Well I was kind of hoping tonight…" I whisper looking down at his lips but then back in his eyes and seeing him smile go to a little disappointed and that worries me, "What? Do you not want to?"

"What? No of course I want too…It's just…" He pauses and all of a sudden I start to feel extremely nervous.

"It's just what?"

"I mean Brooke we are in your grandparents house. You whole family is downstairs and when I say whole family I mean literally your _whole_ family." He explains and I let out a breath I didn't even realize I was holding.

"Lucas…" I laugh sitting up as he eases off of me "I didn't mean here." I say and see how he gets confused to what I meant, "I mean my house. I would never do that in my grandparents house with everyone here, that would be weird." I laugh and he also lets out a small laugh.

"What about your mom? Or your brothers, I don't think I could be in your room _being_ with you with them in the house, to me that would be a little weird."

"I know, I was kind of thinking we could I don't know leave early and then go back to my house." I tell him.

"You sure?" He asks and I smile wrapping my arms around his neck and giving him a small kiss.

"Yes I am sure."

"Ok…" he smiles and I nod, "Ok…" I repeat as we stand up and he climbs back through the window and taking my hand as he helps me back in.

"Let me just go tell my mom I am not feeling good and we can leave." I tell him and he nods as we walk down the stairs and for the first time ever I am nervous with the lie I am about to tell my mom. She knows when I lie and that is scaring me but let's hope she won't see me lying this time. "Mom…" I say tapping her on the shoulder and she turns to look at me.

"Yeah…"

"Would you mind if I head home, I am really not feeling too great?" I tell her.

"What's wrong?" she asks feeling my head and then I start to feel guilty and I am not even sure why.

"Nothing I am just feeling a little dizzy and sick to my stomach." I lie.

"Did you eat?" She asks in a stern tone then I start to feel annoyed and embarrassed with Lucas standing behind me. But I also know his mind is racing with other thoughts to really pay too much attention to what is going on. And a part of me wants to smile with I feel his hand shaking in mine; I guess he is worried about this lie too.

"Yes mom I ate. I just don't feel good and if you didn't mind I was just going to have Lucas take me home." I tell her.

"Ok well just let me know when you get home ok." she smiles and then that guilty feeling comes back.

"Well I mean if you want I can help clean some." I offer and want to laugh when I feel Lucas squeeze my hand tight giving it a tug clearly not wanting to wait any longer.

"No sweetie just tell everyone goodbye and then go home and go to bed." she tells me kissing the side of my head "Lucas make sure she gets in safe." She asks and he nods.

"Yes ma'am I will." He agrees and I nod as I head downstairs and say my goodbyes. Everyone tells Lucas it was nice meeting them and hopes to see him next year. He just told them it was nice meeting them too and he also hopes to see them all again also, which made me smile a little.

"You ready to go?" Lucas whispers to me and I nod as he takes my hand and we head to his car.

* * *

I am nervous the whole ride, we are both quiet and the only noise you hear is the music that is turned down low as we drive. I stare out the window thinking about everything, thinking about how nervous I am. It feels like as we inch closer to my house my heart seems to race even more. Now I am about ten minutes from my house and I am more than sure my heart is about to beat right out of my chest.

"I don't have anything." Lucas says looking over at me and I just stare at him, not sure what he means at first, "I mean I have some but they are at my place. I don't have anything on me." he tells me and I get what he is talking about and feel dumb for not understanding to begin with.

"Oh…" seems like the only thing that I can say and don't know if that's like a sign I shouldn't be doing this or if I am just nervous and over thinking all this.

"I can run in the store real quick." He says and I just nod as we pull in the parking lot and he turns off the car, "You coming with me?" he asks.

"No I will just wait here." I tell him quickly and he nods shutting the door and walking inside and I thank everything I didn't go with him only because I don't want people knowing what we are going to do, I don't know why but still. Then I think we are close to my house like right near it and he is buying condoms, what if they know he is my boyfriend or something then they will know it's me he is buying them for.

"Shut up Brooke." I curse myself, because I am just over thinking everything and just need to relax.

I decide to call my mom real quick to let her know I am home just so I don't have to do it when I actually get home since I am pretty sure I can't be like Lucas can you wait just a second so I can call my mommy. "Stupid…" I mumble to myself as the phone starts to ring.

"_Hello?_"

"Hey mom I was just letting you know I was home." I tell her as I chew on my nail nervously.

"_Oh ok is Lucas staying with you until we get home?_" she asks me and I feel the nervous of lying to her take over me.

"No…" I lie "He offered but I said no because I really just want to go to bed and I mean plus I don't feel good and getting sick in front of him would just be extremely embarrassing." I tell her and it almost scares me how quick I came up with that lie.

"_Yeah I guess throwing up in front of your boyfriend would not be the best thing._" she laughs.

"Yeah definitely not, but umm...are ya'll leaving soon?" I ask just to make sure I have time to be with Lucas, I mean my grandparents house is only about 45 minutes from my house but still I don't want to tell my mom Lucas isn't there and they show up even if we are finished with it all.

"_Well we were actually going to help clean but then sit down and have some coffee. But if you aren't comfortable being home alone we can just leave now._"

"Oh no it's fine, ya'll have fun." I tell her a little too quickly and I hope to everything she doesn't notice the nervousness in my voice.

"_Ok well just lock the doors and go to bed. We will be home in a little awhile._"

"Ok…" I smile looking up to see Lucas coming, "But I am going to go to bed I'll see you later love you."

"_Love you too bye._" I hear her say and I say bye quickly then hang up as Lucas gets back in the car.

He doesn't really say anything as we head to my house and as soon as I pull into the driveway I start to question if this was the right thing, if I am ready because my heart is racing so fast and my mouth feels dry and I feel my whole body trembling as I walk up to the front door and unlock it as we walk in.

I don't know what to do; I don't know what I am supposed to be doing because I don't think you plan on having sex like this. I mean I don't think you plan out that you are having sex with your boyfriend, I feel like it just sort of happens. But I planned this, I told him over an hour ago I wanted to have sex with him, give myself to him in a way I have never given to anyone and I am scared.

I sit my purse down on the table by the front door and I kick off my shoes as I feel Lucas slowly slide his hand into mine and I swallow hard at his small touch. Slowly we walk to my room and when I open the door of the dark room, I wonder if I should turn the lights off or leave them off. If I am supposed to start undressing him now or until I get to my bed, am I supposed to undress myself or is he supposed to take care of that. Ugh why didn't I wait, not that I don't want to just so I could have at least talk to Rachel and Haley so they might possible shine some light on how I am supposed to act. But then again that talk would be just as weird and make me feel just as stupid and I am more than sure they would try to talk me out of it.

I turn to face Lucas and as soon as I lock my eyes on his I get this feeling, kind of like what my grandmother talked about. How his eyes make me just want to give into him and now I am curses myself for thinking about my grandma right now.

To try to shut up all my nerves and thoughts I lean up and kiss him. It's not passionate or anything, it's just soft and then I pull away looking up at him as he steps even closer to me placing his hands on my hips and I feel my body tremble again and I just place my hands on his chest.

He leans down and kisses me but I don't let him deepen the kiss even when he tries. I am not meaning to be like this but I am nervous and he knows it and I know it and I swear if his hands weren't holding onto me I might fall because how nervous I am.

Lucas slowly pulls back from our kiss and I again swallow hard when he leans his forehead against mine, "We don't have to do this." he whispers to me.

"No I said I wanted to." I tell him and hope to everything me being nervous doesn't ruin this moment. Doesn't mess all this up, because I am nervous which is normal but I want to be with him. I am more than sure of that.

"I know…but if you don't want to now we don't have too." He tells me and I seem to relax some which I am not even sure why, maybe because I know he won't make me do this even if I said I wanted to, but I know I do, I just have to get my nerves in check.

"I do…I do… I am just nervous." I confess.

"I know…" he whispers "I'm nervous too."

"What?" I say a little shocked, "Why are you nervous?" I ask because he has done this before, he has done this a lot before and I just assumed he would be all calm not a care in the world.

"Because I care about you Brooke." He tells me like it is so obvious, like I am stupid not to know that, "I don't want to hurt you. I don't want you to let you down. I mean I don't want you to have built this up so much that when it happens it be nothing like you thought, nothing like you expected. I don't want you to regret it." He confesses.

"I'm not going to regret this. I won't I just…" I pause looking down trying to find my words, "I just need you to be patient with me. Because I really don't know what I am supposed to be doing." I confess to him and as soon as the words come out I feel embarrassed and again I don't know why since he knows I have never down this but still to actually tell him to all but walk me through this is just embarrassing.

"I know…" he whispers running his hand along the him of my sweater, "We will go slow." He says and I nod as he starts leaning down and kissing me softly and my heart is racing so fast I feel all sorts of butterflies. We slowly walk over to my bed his lips still on mine but the kiss isn't rough or anything, just soft and gentle. I feel the back of my legs hit the side of my bed and I slowly pull away from him as I sit down but keeping my eyes locked on his.

I see his hand shake as he moves them to the bottom of my sweater and pausing for a second before slowly pulling it over my head. I see him swallow hard staring at me in my bra and I smile some at that. That he is nervous, that even though he has seen me in just my bra before now he is nervous.

He leans down kissing me and I cup his cheek and slowly pull him down on my bed with me. Lucas places one of his hands above my shoulder as the other is cupping my cheek, he puts one of his knees between my legs and the other lies on the other side of me we just lay there. He pulls back just for a second a quick second giving me a small smile which makes me smile before he leans down to kiss me again. I slowly run my hand down his back and taking his shirt slowly pulling it up on him as he pulls back from our kiss pulling it off the rest of the way then leaning in kissing me again.

I let my hand move to his jean button but Lucas grab my hand stopping me, "Slow…" he whispers and I nod as he moves his lips to behind my ear slowly and softly kissing down my neck. His hand is on my bare side and his thumb rubbing my skin is giving me goose bumps and I feel like every time my nerves seem to calm they just start up again.

Lucas moves his lips back on mine and it almost amazes me how his kiss seems to calm me down a little, I mean not completely but a little bit. My hand holds onto the back of his head holding him close to me and for the first time tonight I let him deepen our kiss. Yet this time while we kiss its different, I don't know how or why but it is different, feels different.

Lucas starts to kiss my neck again but this time he doesn't stay on it. He starts to kiss down my collar bone, then my chest and down my stomach and with every kiss I feel my heart speed up and I feel my breath become heavier and I know Lucas can feel it and hear it. But it doesn't seem to scare him. He just holds onto my hips as he slowly runs his tongue across my belly button and with his mouth and the small stubble on his chin it tickles and stupidly I let out a stupid giggle and Lucas looks up at me with a smile.

"I'm sorry…" I whisper covering my face with my hands feeling so dumb for giggling because I am more than sure you aren't supposed to giggle while having sex.

Lucas just leans back down kissing up my stomach then kissing my lips softly and whispering, "Everything is fine Pretty Girl. You are doing fine." I just nod as he kisses me again and again starts to kiss down my stomach and this time I hold in any stupid giggles I might feel burning in my throat.

Lucas stops at my skirt unbuttoning and unzipping it then slowly pulling it off and then all of a sudden my nerves take over my body again. Leaning down kissing up the inside of my thigh and I start to feel a whole different set of goose bumps but these are different these feel good, real good. Pulling back slowly Lucas locks eyes on mine as he peels off my underwear tossing them off the bed as he starts to kiss up my leg again.

"Luke…" I let out in a small moan loving this feeling. It's like the feeling in the hot tub but different, but it feels so good. It feels so amazingly good. I grab onto the sheets then let my hand run through his hair and I feel like my whole body is going to erupt or something but before it does he pulls away sliding his hand in replace of his mouth.

He is moving it steady, not to fast but not to slow either. He crawls back up my body kissing me all the way up but keeping his hand in a steady movement as he kisses me rough on the lips and lets his tongue move with mine, "Uhh…" I moan in our kiss as my back arches underneath him and his hand slowly moves up my body leaving chills all over.

I let my hands run down his chest nervously as I start to unbutton his jeans but this time he doesn't stop me and I undo them pushing them down as far as I can as he kicks them off the rest of the way. Feeling Lucas half naked body on top of mine makes me feel a feeling I have never felt, it feels good, it feels amazing.

He lets his hand run behind my back as he tries to unhook my bra, I left up some so he can get at it and as soon as he unhooks it and starts to kiss my shoulder pulling the strap down I feel exposed. I have never let anyone see me naked; it is a scary thought to me.

Lucas looks down at me with a small smile, "You're so beautiful." He whispers before kissing me again and I can't help but smile as he kisses me. I feel myself relax under him.

Figuring I need to make a move at some point I run my foot up the back of his leg and sliding my foot in his boxers pulling them down and kicking them to the side.

Lucas pulls the sheet over us, I guess noticing how I wasn't completely comfortable just laying there uncover, exposed. But as we lay there he is kissing me and honestly if I just could kiss him all night I would be more then ok with that.

Yet he slowly pulls away from our kiss somewhat disappointing me as he smiles brushing a piece of hair behind my ear, "We can stop. We don't have to do anymore." He whispers to me but I shake my head no.

"I don't want to stop. I want to be with you." I whisper back at him running my hand through his hair, "I want you." and its true I have never wanted something or someone so much in my whole life. Just what we have done so far tonight is making me just want to feel him completely, feel him within me and feel him with me.

"I want you too." He smiles kissing me but not deepening it as he pulls back leaning over to the night stand grabbing something. Again I get nervous by what's going on but when I see a small wrapper I seem to relax, well not relax but knowing what he is doing. He pulls the wrapper off tossing it on the night stand and I make a mental note to throw that away before my family gets home.

How stupid am I, I am naked with my naked boyfriend in my bed about to have sex and I am making mental notes? Get it together Brooke.

Lucas leans down kissing me again and ok I got it together.

He runs his tongue against me lips and I let him deepen it as we kiss a little longer and Lucas runs his hand slowly down my naked body holding onto my hip. "You ready?" he whispers to me pulling out of our kiss and I nod yes because I know I am way too nervous to actually talk.

My whole body is shaking and my heart is racing as Lucas slowly pushes into me. "Uhh…" I gasp biting my bottom lip. My whole body seems to tense up and I will not lie at all it hurt. It hurt bad and I am questioning why in the hell anyone ever does this because it doesn't feel at all how everyone made it seemed. Rachel and Haley talk about it like it's the most amazing feeling ever but right now it just hurts.

"Are you ok?" Lucas asks and again I nod not speaking because honestly I don't know what will come out if I do. So instead of words I just grab on to him and pull him down to kiss me. Lucas doesn't move, he doesn't do anything just stays still kissing me and it actually is a relief to me because the longer he stays still the less pain I feel. However I know that it won't stay like this, because I know he is going to start moving in me sooner or later and as the words are thought he does.

It doesn't hurt that bad anymore, it doesn't really hurt at all and I guess it makes since to me now why he paused so long. Why he didn't move at first because he was letting me get use to him before he did and I am thanking god he did.

His movements are slow and his lips have moved back to my neck and with everything that is going on I feel that feeling building up in my throat again but it's not a giggle it's not even close to one. "Luke…" I moan and he moves his lips back to mine and I feel him smile. I don't know if it's because what I said, that I moaned his name or that shows now to him its not hurting me anymore or what but he is smiling which makes me smile.

Lucas grabs on to my leg pulling me closer to him and I start to wiggle my hips some wanting to feel more of him. I feel that feeling building up in my throat again but instead of actually letting it out when he moves his lips away from mine again I kiss down his neck slowly before I softly bit down on his shoulder and hear him moan some into my neck.

I guess I realize now why sex is such a big thing to us girls. I mean I know its special to some guys but for girls it completely different. Not only are we trusting the guy but we are letting them inside us not just our hearts but body in general. Like you know when you let a person stay the night at your house you want to trust them you want to know that nothing is going happen, they aren't going to hurt you. You let down your safety wall and let them in. To me if that makes any since is how I feel now. I am letting Lucas in, in every since of the word and trust me I am so glad with the decision I made tonight on the roof.

His movements become quicker and I start to feel my body quiver but a good one. "God Luke…" I moan again and he kisses me and I finish my moan in his mouth as his tongue enters mine.

As his speed seems to become faster and his pushes become harder I feel like I let out a small gasp or moan with every one of them. I dig my nails into his back and though I thought I might have hurt him when I feel him go "Mmmm…" in my mouth I think whatever I am doing is fine with him.

This feels good, it feels amazing and I am amazed at how it hurt so bad at first and feels so great now and clearly I understand what Rachel and Haley have talked about all this time and I wonder how I waited 18 years for this. Well I think that until Lucas pulls away from my lips and for a second; a brief second he looks at me then kisses me again, and that's why I know I waited 18 years for this, because I waited for Lucas.

And he was so worth the wait.

"Lucas!" I feel like I screamed but not really a scream as he pushes hard into me one last time and I feel my body almost spasm and my back arch underneath him pushing my naked body against his. With Lucas's last push in me I can feel his whole body just seemed to drain of energy. Yet he doesn't move from on top of me, he doesn't move at all. He just rests his hand above my shoulder and the other is cupping my cheek as he keeps kissing me.

I love kissing him.

Yet to my disappointment he pulls away from our kiss and rolling off me. I sigh a little at this that is until he pulls me into him. I pull my sheet tight around me and roll myself on top of him and kiss up his chest then softly kissing him, and Lucas wraps his arms tight around my naked body and I kind of like feeling his heart race under me. Knowing I caused that and that he is out of breath because of me; that his body is or was feeling what I was just feeling because of me. That a pretty good feeling.

"You ok?" he whispers brushing my hair behind my ear.

"Yeah I am fine." I whisper back, "I am really pretty great." I grin kissing him again. I hold onto his cheek as he deepens our kiss and Lucas flips us over so he is again on top of me.

"I could do this all night." He mumbles into my lips and I let out a small giggle yet this time I am not embarrassed by it.

"Oh I would so love if we could do that." I smile kissing him a little more than pulling away, "But my family is going to be home soon." I sigh.

"Yeah I know…" he whispers to me and I can see he really doesn't want to leave me, not after what we just did.

"It's ok Lucas…" I smile sadly rubbing my thumb over his swollen bottom lip, "It's ok that you have to go."

"I know I just really don't want to leave you." He sighs and I just nod at him, "I don't feel right sleeping with you then just leaving you alone."

"But you aren't leaving me…" I say and see him look at me confused, "I mean you are _leaving _me but it's not like you just used me; slept with me and never see me again." I try to say thinking maybe he would feel less bad about it.

"I know I just…" he starts but I lean up kissing me to stop him.

"I am ok…" I smile "I am fine and as long as you promise to call me in the morning then I will be perfectly fine."

"Ok…" he finally agrees but I can still see him not ok with it.

"Plus if my brothers find you here even if they are your friend they will kill you." I laugh and he finally cracks a smile.

"Yeah you are probably right…" he grins leaning down and kissing me again, "I just want to kiss you a little longer…" he smiles in our kiss.

"Yeah I want to kiss you a little longer too…" I smile wrapping my arms around his neck loving this feeling I get by him.

Yet this great feeling I feel about kissing him and being with him is interrupted by my phone going off.

"Why do you leave that ringer on?" Lucas mumbles into my lips.

"I don't know…" I laugh pulling out of our kiss and hear Lucas groan as he falls next to me and I lean over flipping on my light on the night stand and grabbing my phone seeing it's my mom.

"Hello?" I fake yawn into the phone holding my sheet around me.

"_Hey we were going to be home soon and I was just seeing if you were still awake and if you were feeling better?_"

"Umm…no I just woke up but I am feeling ok." I smile into the phone and try to hold in a gasp as Lucas starts to kiss the back of my shoulder.

"_Ok well we will be home in a few, just go back to bed."_

"Ok…I will, if I am asleep when you get here, night and I love you." I say and pulling my shoulder forward from Lucas but he just brushes my hair off my neck and starts kissing it.

"_Night love you too. Bye._" She tells me and I say bye then close my phone tossing it on the night stand. Turning to face Lucas pushing him back down on my bed as I straddle him and lean down like I am about to kiss him but pull back when he leans up.

"Pretty risky move mister." I tease.

"I'm sorry." He pretends to frown and be all innocent then tries to lean up and kiss me again but I just push him back down, "Ugh!" he groans and I let out a small giggle, "You are not being fair." He pouts running his finger tips up and down my bare thighs getting tingles all over, and I'm slightly angry he knows how to do that. Well not angry it's just hard to tease him when he is teasing me like that.

"Awe I'm sorry…" I frown sticking out my bottom lip trying not to laugh again.

"It's ok I won't be mad if you kiss me." He smiles proudly and I can't help but kiss him. It's hard not to kiss him when he smiles that gorgeous smile.

"Ok...ok…" I say pulling away from him, "We better stop before this kissing leads to something else."

"Yes because that would just be terrible." He teases sitting up with me in his lap and kissing me.

"If my family catches you yes." I mumble in his lips and he just nods kissing me a little longer then pulling away.

"You sure you are ok with me leaving?" he whispers to me dropping all the joking from before and being completely serious.

"Yes, it's fine I promise." I smile kissing him softly.

"Ok." he agrees as I climb out of his lap and he starts to get dressed and I just lay on my bed watching him with my sheet tight around me. And the whole time he is dressing I can't help but smile, smile big at one how cute he is and two how he just so damn amazing. "I call you in the morning." He says walking over kissing me.

"Ok…" I smile placing my hands on his cheeks kissing him and pulling him back on the bed with me.

"Ok I am leaving…" he mumbles into my lips, "Mhmm…" I mumble back kissing him a little long before he pulls away, "Ok I really should go now."

"Yeah ok…" I sigh knowing he has to but knowing at the same time I really don't want him too. I just wish he could stay here with me the whole night.

I slowly climb out of my bed wrapping myself in my bed sheet as I walk him to the front door. "Bye baby…" he smiles kissing me goodbye as he heads to his car.

"Bye…" I smile sadly as I watch him sit in his car a second before finally cranking it and pulling out. I sigh locking my front door and tip toeing back into my room and pulling on something to wear to bed.

I lay there still smiling as I feel myself start to doze. I hear my family get home, I hear my mom poke her head into my room and saying goodnight but I just mumble a night and pretend to be asleep. I finally think I am going to sleep until I hear my phone going off on the night stand and I would be annoyed with someone texting me right now until I see who it is.

'_You are so amazing, you were so amazing. I will see you tomorrow. Night Pretty Girl._'

I can't help but smile with what he said, I quickly text him back saying night and I can't wait to see him tomorrow and then turn over and drift off to sleep.

* * *

**So I hope you enjoy Brooke's first time haha...also thanks again for all the reviews so far and thanks to Babi for your review that meant a lot your a sweetie :D**

**Well again hope you all enjoyed and please review!!!**


	17. Chapter 17

_It's weird to me when I think about it. Yesterday morning, hell most of yesterday until late last night I was a virgin. But now I am not. Not that I regret it or anything it's just strange to me when I think about it. Lucas was pretty great last night, and I don't mean when we were having sex great, which he was, but just great to me. He was gentle, he didn't rush anything, and he made me feel comfortable. He made me feel safe. He made me feel just amazing._

_I don't get how I got him. In my mind he is just perfect which is crazy because no one is perfect but to me he seems it. But I think when you are with someone, when you really care for them they can be perfect to you. They are just perfect for you, fit you perfectly and Lucas fits me perfectly. _

_I have never felt this way before and my mom is right. When you meet someone and you start to really fall for them then everyone in the past, the way you felt for them doesn't even compare. I won't say I am in love. I just won't say that because one I don't want to jinx all this but also because I don't think I am. _

_Yet I have never been in love so I may not ever really know when I am but still I just don't think I am. But the whole love thing freaks me out, like seriously. I know I told my mom I wouldn't run from that but I am just not ready to feel that yet. Well I don't think I am ready._

_He called me this morning just like he said he would. We talked and though I was afraid things would be different, that sleeping together might in some weird way change things it didn't. He didn't change or act differently. He was just Lucas, my Lucas._

_I haven't told Haley and Rachel. I don't know if I want them to know. Not that I want to lie about it I mean if they say Brooke have you slept with Lucas yet I will say yes but I am not going to say anything until then I think because honestly I love them but last night was special it was something special between me and my boyfriend and I just don't think I will say anything right now. I think that's a good plan. I don't think Lucas would say anything to Nathan so I don't see him finding out and telling Haley so I think all my bases are covered, everything is going to be just fine._

_I think._

_We are going out with the guys tonight like we do most Thursday nights. Lucas is coming to my house after like he normally does and I am kind of nervous by that, I don't know why really. I mean I think it's because it will just be us two and I don't know if it will seem awkward or not, I really have no clue. I know nothing will happen tonight because my family is here but still who knows what it will be like. But until then I am going to go shower and get ready to hang with my boys._

The water feels so good. It's hot and soothing on my aching body. I have been so tired today and after hanging out with Aiden and wrestling most the day my body is so sore. Earlier we were fighting and he like tackled me over the couch it hurt. That boy can take a lot out of you, but its ok I love hanging with him.

Getting dressed I feel like I was taking forever. I wanted to look really good; I wanted to look good for Lucas. I don't know why but I do. I put on my jean skirt and tan colored tank top, I put on my brown boots and then I put on my brown sweater. My hair is straightened and I pull my bangs in my face straightening them then doing my makeup. I put on some of my vanilla perfume and then my earring and necklace Aiden gave me one Christmas. I wear it every day and I rarely take it off, usually only when I shower. I brush my teeth and brush my hair and head out of my room into the living room.

"Well hello my boys." I smile. Nash and Heath are already here and already to go along with Jay and Tony. Lucas is meeting us there but is coming back to my house after like always. I kind of wish he was here already. I am not nervous he won't come, I know he will but there is that small insecurity in me. An insecurity that says he got what he wanted and is now done with me.

I know how dumb that sounds, I know it is completely impossible that he would do that but I can't help it. I am the what if girl remember, and the what if this time is what if he is done with me. Yet then again who would just stay with me for over two months, deal with all the craziness we have gone through just to sleep with me and be done.

I wish I could shut these what ifs, but I can't. And the more I sit here and debate it all in my head the what ifs are winning and I am now thinking he isn't coming at all. Shut up mind! I curse myself but it's not helping.

Shit.

I hear the guys say that I look nice and I just nod, then they ask where Lucas is and I just tell them he is meeting us there. I grab my purse, I grab my phone and then I am in the car heading to the bar. The boys talk and to me but the more I drive the more the what ifs sink in and when I get there and Lucas isn't there yet I feel kind of sick.

"You ok Brooke?" Heath asks placing his hand on my back and I jump some.

"Oh umm…yeah just thinking." I smile as we walk into the smokey bar and take our seat.

My clock ticks and still no Lucas, I check my phone and no text and I want to text him but I am afraid he won't send back confirming all my fears. I stand up to play a game of pool to silence everything, to get my mind off it all but it doesn't seem to help. The boys walk over to sit down but I stand a second pulling out my phone to see still no text.

I bite my bottom lip nervously staring at my phone. I have the text written, all it says is are you still coming tonight, but I can't hit the send button.

Yet that fear I was feeling seems to slowly disappear when I feel two arms snake around my waist. I know who it is and then I feel dumb for even questioning it. "Who you texting?" he whispers in my ear and kissing my ear lobe and I get those tingles again.

"Just Kylee…" I lie turning in his arms and wrapping my arms around his neck "I wasn't starting to think you weren't coming." I smile pretending not to really care but knowing I really did.

"I know I was doing something with Nate, sorry I am late." He apologizes and as soon as he smiles I don't even care that he was late I just lean up kissing him.

"Well you are here now." I smile taking his hand as we walk over to the table sitting next to the boys.

"Well Luke nice of you to join us." Tony teases.

"Well I like you all to miss me a little before I come." Lucas laughs sitting down next to me.

"Oh I missed you so much!" Nash says and we all laugh, as we see Jen walking over with some other girl.

"Hey guys, I have to run home babysitter has to leave but this is Kimberly she will take care of you all the rest of the night." She tells us and we smile.

"Well I am hurt that you are leaving me Jen, very hurt." Heath teases placing his hand on his heart making us all laugh.

"I'm sorry, but I will see you all next week, same time and place." She winks walking out of the bar.

"Ok what can I get you all?" the Kimberly girl asks.

"Well us four would like a refill on our beers and Brooke would like another coke." Tony says and she just nods as she turns to look at Lucas and I don't really like the way this girl is looking my boyfriend up and down.

"What about you gorgeous, what can I get you?" she smiles and the guys let out a small snicker and I just narrow my eyes on her, but she doesn't really seem to notice, mainly because she is too busy biting her lip and bating her fake eye lashes at _my_ _Lucas_.

"Umm…Just a beer is fine." Lucas smiles and she nods walking off.

I try not to notice the girl staring at Lucas but it's hard, she is so obvious I just want to laugh. Yet then she walks back over giving everyone their drinks and she starts to talk to Lucas and I think am I like invisible.

"So what's your name?" she asks Lucas and I just look at the boys wondering if I am the only one noticing how this girl is hitting on Lucas, my Lucas, my boyfriend!

"Umm…Lucas…" he smiles taking a sip of his beer and placing his hand on my leg tracing like small circles on it and though that makes me happy, that he realizes that I am still here that dumb girl is still talking to him.

"Do you go to school around here you look really familiar?" she questions grinning like an idiot and biting the bottom of her pen that I wish would bust in her mouth but then Lucas shook his head no.

"I went to Clemson, I just graduated." Lucas tells her and she just nods with a smile.

"Well I guess you just have one of those faces. But if you all need anything just holler." She winks at Lucas and walks away.

"Uhh oh looks like someone has a crush on our little Lucas here." Nash teases and they all laugh but me because I don't find it to funny.

"Dude shut up." Lucas laughs pushing him.

"Oh dude she was so coming onto you. _Like you must just have one of those faces_." Tony laughs mimicking her voice and I just narrow my eyes on him; not funny big brother; not funny.

"Or the fact she talked to only you and gave you the wink." Jay adds and I swear I am going to beat my brothers.

"Dude she didn't give me the wink." Lucas laughs and I don't get why he finds some girl coming on to him; coming on to him with me right her funny.

"Yes dude she totally gave you the wink." Nash agrees with a nod.

"Yeah man she definitely has a little crush." Heath laughs and ok it's decided I am just going to kill them all.

"Hey guys…" I say with a fake smile and they all turn to look at me.

"Yeah?" they all say together.

"Oh so you can see me, I am not invisible." I growl biting my straw and taking a small sip and finally they all seem to stop their laughter, well stop for only a second.

"Awe is someone a little jealous?" Tony smirks poking my side and they all turn to look at me.

"As if, like I would be jealous of some fake blonde skank." I shrug pretending not to care at all.

"Hey! You do not know she is a fake blonde." Jay says trying to be serious but I just laugh along with everyone else because that actually was funny.

"Well even so I don't care." I again shrug spinning my straw in my drink.

"You don't even care a little; I mean she is checking out your boyfriend right now." Nash says and my head shoots up to look to find her not even in the area we are in.

"Yup you don't care." Heath laughs as long as the rest of the guys, well everyone but Lucas.

"Shut up…" I say in a pretend growl but then notice Lucas doesn't seemed fazed by any of this "And why are you so quiet now? Huh?" I ask looking at him, "I figure you would love to make fun of me for being jealous of the skank."

"No not really." Lucas shrugs, "Because there really isn't a reason to be jealous."

"Oh so a gorgeous blonde hitting on my boyfriend shouldn't make me jealous?" I ask kinking an eye brow at him.

"No because one she isn't that hot…" he shrugs and the guys seem to look at him like he is nuts, even I will admit she is really pretty, "Plus…" he says turning to look at me and getting real close to my face but not kissing me, "I am going home with you tonight, not her. And trust me baby she doesn't even compare to you."

"Good answer." I smile giving him a soft kiss well a couple soft kisses until I hear the guys clear their throats. "Sorry." I blush wiping Lucas's lips getting of my lip gloss, "But I am going to go to the bathroom, guys watch my boyfriend keep the skanks away." I smile and they laugh shaking their head at me as I skip off to the bathroom. I touch up my makeup and run my hand through my hair and can't help but smile. Mainly because every time I think of Lucas I think of last night and when I think of last night I smile like an idiot.

I head back to the table seeing the guys playing pool and take a seat. Lucas looks over at me and winks and I feel stupid when I blush, I blush over a wink, I am so dumb.

"So which one is yours?" I hear someone say as I turn around to find Kimberly, perfect.

"Excuse me?" I question and she just tosses a glance at the boys.

"Well there is one of you and 5 of them so which one or hell even two are yours?" she repeats and I seriously want to slap this bitch because I do believe she just called me a slut.

"Well two are my brothers, and the other two are close friends. Then Lucas the one you were talking to earlier, that is _my _boyfriend." I say stressing the word my and she just looks over at Lucas.

"He is hot." She tells me and I just nod trying not to let this girl get under my skin, "You two been together long?"

"I don't know a couple of months." I tell her and then wonder how long have we been together I mean we have known each other for a little over four months but didn't date for about a month just got to know each other, but then we had that few weeks of fighting and not getting to know each other. However we didn't become technically boyfriend and girlfriend until last month and a month before that we were just 'dating' so I don't know really, maybe a month technically boyfriend and girlfriend but two months dating. Yet I also I am wondering why I am telling her. Like I am trying to prove something, I don't even know what; I just don't like this girl.

"Well lucky you." She tells me but not even looking at me just grinning over at Lucas who is completely oblivious to it all as he laughs with the guys.

"Yes lucky me." I smile and the smile is completely fake. Not that I don't think I am lucky I just don't want this girl to think I am jealous of her or anything even if it's true.

"I bet he is good in the sack." She smirks and I turn to look at her in disbelief not believing she just said that to me.

"Excuse me?!"

"I am just saying, look at him." She says looking him up and down again biting her lip, "The things I bet that boy could do." she whispers but I think it is more to herself but I heard it and honestly I wish Rachel was here because Rachel would totally kick her skanky ass.

"Ok this conversation is over." I growl and she just holds her hands up.

"Didn't mean to say anything to offend you. I was just making an observation." She explained turning her tone to an innocent one, and innocent one I know is nothing more but fake.

"Yeah well don't make observations about my boyfriend ok." I snap.

"Sweetie don't get so defensive. Most girls would love having other girls coming on to their boyfriend. I mean as long as he doesn't cheat then enjoy that others find him hot." She tells me and for some reason she seriously reminds me of Theresa, the whole fake caring thing.

"You can go away now." I tell her but don't let her speak again "If they need another drink I am sure they will let you know. But right now I am sure there are other people you can make observations for." I hiss at her and she just laughs a little shaking her head as walking off. And though I am completely irritated by the conversation, the irritation seems to erase when Lucas walks up to me because I know I can't stay angry when he is near me.

"Hey…" he smiles sitting on the stool next to me as we watch the guys play.

"Hi…" I smile leaning over and kissing him then pulling back as I watch the guys play but get tingles when I feel Lucas slowly run his hand up my leg and trace circles on my bare thigh. "Lucas…" I gasp a little because of the shock and a little because it is giving me goose bumps by just that. "My brothers are right there." I whisper looking over at them then back at the boy next to me who is smirking as he leans over kissing my neck and up it until he gets to me ear.

"I'm not doing anything…" he whispers in my ear.

"Yes you are…" I whisper back as his hand slowly moves higher up my leg and his thumb rubs the bottom of my skirt. "Lucas…" I breathe out heavily as my heart races.

"You smell so good." He mumbles as he starts kissing my neck.

"Thank you but baby you really need to stop…you're making me…" I trail off biting my bottom lip.

"I'm making you what?" he asks getting up out of his stool standing in front of me but still kissing my neck.

"Lucas…" I let out in a small gasp as he starts to suck harder on my neck. And I thank everything when I look over at the boys and see them way to into their little game and laughing to pay attention to us.

"Tell me what I'm making you." I hear him whisper biting my earlobe.

"Luke…"

"Come on baby just tell me what I'm doing?" he repeats moving his lips to mine and kissing me.

"You're just…" I mumble in our kiss.

"Just what?" he asks moving back and kissing my neck as I tilt my head up some so he could get better at it.

"Your just making me…" I pause trying to hold in the small moan I feel building up in my throat, "You're making me want you bad." I finally confess and he moves from my neck and removes his hand that by this time was more than halfway up my skirt.

"Well I am sorry…" he smiles innocently and I just laugh after I get back my composer.

"You know you aren't as innocent as you pretend to be." I smirk tugging on my skirt pulling it back down.

"Yeah neither are you…" he smirks back.

"I am just as innocent as I pretend to be…" I protest as I wrap my arms around his neck.

"I have marks on my back that proves differently…" his husky voice says in my ear and though I would argue that one I know I can't. And as he starts kissing my neck I just smile.

"Sorry…" I giggle but I know he wasn't actually complaining about my little marks.

"Mmmm…I'm not." he smirks and I just laugh as he moves his lips to mine and his tongue grazes over my bottom lip deepening our kiss, and I swear I could kiss this boy all day. "Do you know what I have thought about all day?" Lucas whispered pulling out of our kiss and I just shake my head no as he moves closer to my ear, "Last night." He whispers and I feel nervous.

For some reason that I don't know why I thought hanging out with Lucas after what we did last night would be weird. I don't know how I would describe the weird feeling I thought I would feel. I feel like what happens, happens and unless it is taking place you don't really talk about it. But here Lucas has made two comments about it and it makes me nervous. Makes my heart race and feel chills. I don't know why, I don't know why the topic of sex makes me feel this feeling, I mean I had sex. See it's easy to say, I Brooke Davis had sex last night. But then when my boyfriend brings it up I get nervous and feel so dumb for that. Because all I think about honestly is the other girls, the other girls who have a hell lot more experience than me and I just don't know if I added up to them last night.

I mean it's easy for me to say it was amazing because hell I had nothing to compare to. It could have completely sucked, which I don't believe it did at all, but still it could have and I wouldn't have known the difference. Yet Lucas will, Lucas does know the difference and as I sit her wondering what he thought about last night I feel my heart race a little. So I just fake smile and say "Oh really…" trying to play off I'm fine but still biting my bottom lip nervously.

"Yeah…" his husky voice says.

"What…what about last night?" I ask swallowing the lump in my throat casting a glance at my brothers to see them look over at us let out a laugh shake their head and turn away. I guess even if they don't like their baby sister making out with her boyfriend they like Lucas, they trust Lucas and they can keep an eye on us here. Now at home they freak I know they do because even before Lucas and I had sex, not that they know that, but before they would try to keep us up as long as we could so we didn't go into my room and to bed. It use to make me laugh some because how big brother protective they got, they love Lucas they do but I am their baby sister, their top priority and they would freak if they knew what me and Lucas had done last night they would probably kill him.

"Just how amazing it was." he whispers kissing my ear and I let out a small breath of relief since he didn't have to say that so he must have meant it if he said it, "And how amazing you were."

"You were pretty great too." I smile as he pulls away from me ear to face me, "Thank you." I say wrapping my arms around his neck as he places is hand on my hips.

"For what?" he asks and I see him glance down at my lips and it makes me smile.

"Just being so great to me." I explain with a small shrug, "Last night you were just so…" I pause biting my lip trying to find the right words and not sound stupid or make him think I am young or whatever for it but I just needed him to know how I felt last night, "You were just so patient and gentle and you made me feel so comfortable. You made me feel amazing Lucas and not just in the actual sex way which was also amazing." I smile and he just gets the cutest grin, "But in a whole different way, the way you looked at me and the way you held me. The way, even though we had started you were completely ok with stopping, with not going any further. You were just good to me Lucas." I tell him and love it when he moves his hands to my cheeks and pulling me in kissing him.

"Thank you for trusting me."He whispers leaning his forehead against mine, "I honestly wasn't expecting it though I was hoping for it but didn't think it would happen last night and it did scare me. I will admit I was never so nervous about anything and knowing you trusted me with something like that, being with you like that just…" he paused and I could see him searching for his words like I had done a few moments before, "I wish I could explain to you the feeling I felt."

"I am just glad I can say you were my first." I tell him as I play with the back of his hair, "When some of my friends talk about their first they seem so disappointed and upset how it all happened but I never will know that feeling and I am happy about that."

"Oh Pretty Girl you have no idea what that means too me." he smiles kissing me again and the smile I feel in our kiss from him makes my heart flutter.

* * *

We are back at my house, everyone is off to bed and I am just laying her next to Lucas thinking. He rolls over opening his eyes and smiling at me and he is just so gorgeous.

"How did I get so lucky?" I whisper running my hand through his hair.

"What you mean?" he asks and I feel his hand moved under the sheets and placing it on my hip pulling me closer to him.

"How did I get you? Nothing works out for me but I got you. I am just waiting for someone to pull the rug out from under me and you be gone." I shrug and that's how I honestly feel.

"I'm not going to go anywhere." He tells me and I nod as we fall into a comfortable silence. Yet it's not so silent since his lips are on mine and he rolls over lying on top of me as we kissing but still it's comfortable.

"I didn't think you were coming tonight." I confess pulling away from him and see him look down at me confused, "I didn't think tonight you would come meet me." I repeat and he just stares at me.

"Why would you think that?"

"I don't know. I don't trust people. And I know you said you would be there and I know you promised it but I couldn't stop this feeling inside me. I couldn't stop this feeling and this fear that after last night you would be gone. And I just can't seem to silence that fear." I tell him and curse myself for being so honest with him.

"You know last night meant more to me then just sex right?" he whispers to me and I want to tell him yes I know that but I honestly don't think I can get the words to come out, "I want you to trust me; I need you to believe that."

"I know…" I whisper.

"Brooke…" he sighs sitting up in my bed, "I am here because I want to be, I want to be with you. I could have waited if you wanted too. I would have waited. I will wait now if you never want to do it again. As long as I have you none of that matters to me." he sighs turning sitting on the edge of my bed resting his head in his hands "Don't you get that?" he questions sounding so tired.

"Yeah…" I whisper sitting up and kissing the back of his shoulder and wrapping my arms around him, "I'm sorry." I apologize placing my hand on his cheek turning him around to face me, "I'm just scared."

"Of me?"

"No!" I tell him shaking my head at that because I am not scared of him just the way I feel about him. "These feelings I feel for you are just so strong and intense it freaks me out. I mean when I am around you I just have this feeling, this feeling that has gotten so much stronger just after last night and it freaks me out because if you aren't there anymore I don't think that feeling will disappear that quick."

"I don't want that feeling to disappear." He whispers to me, "I am not going anywhere Brooke. I am not leaving you and I promise I am not going to hurt you."

"You can't promise something like that Lucas." I tell him looking down away from him, but he just lifts my chin and kissing me, soft and slowly, before pulling away.

"I promise I am not going to hurt you." He says and I just nod and as we slowly fall back onto my bed him kissing me.

"Lucas everyone is home." I whisper as I feel him run his hand slowly up under my shirt.

"We can be really quiet." He smiles and I kind of laugh.

"I thought you felt weird with my family being here?" I question kinking my eye brow at him.

"That was before I knew how amazing it was to be with you." he shrugs kissing me and I just laugh, "But if you feel uncomfortable we don't have too."

"After your little game at the bar trust me there is nothing I want more." I smile leaning up kissing him and loving the way my body just seems to mold perfectly with his.

"And this time I promise to be here when you wake up." He whispers me and I smile nodding.

I trust him, I need to trust him and if I can let myself feel all these feeling for him I need to trust he won't hurt me. Even though he can't promise I just need to believe it all.

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**Thanks for the reviews last chapter and all through the story. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter and PLEASE REVIEW!!!**


	18. Chapter 18

**The reviews were great and also I had some free time this weekend being as I am sick (sucks I know) but because of that I updated this is what like three days! High five to me.**

**Well as always I own nothing but please enjoy**

**:D**

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It amazes me how waking up with Lucas holding me doesn't ever get old. That waking up with his arms tight around me still makes me feel so safe. He is asleep and I hear my mom and the kids leaving so I slowly unwrap myself from his arms and tip toe out of my room to the kitchen to make some coffee and surprised to see Tony already up.

"Hey T what are you doing up?" I ask giving him a kiss on the cheek as I walk over to make the coffee.

"Couldn't sleep so figured I would get up." He shrugs and I nod, making him some cereal and me a bowl then sitting down next to him as we eat waiting for out coffee to finish. "He makes you happy doesn't he B?" he asks.

"Yeah," I smile getting up making us both a cup of coffee and handing him his, "He makes me really happy Tony." I tell him and he just nods as we both keep eating and neither speak until he says something that I was not expecting him to say.

"Are you two sleeping together?"

"What?!" I freak dropping my spoon and wondering if maybe I wasn't as quiet last night as I thought I was when I was with Lucas. But then again the door was locked and the boys went to bed before us so I don't think they could have heard us, could they?

"I just saw you two at the bar last night and you are very touchy feely." He explains and I let out a long breath taking a sip of my coffee, "I wouldn't judge you Brooke. Or tell mom or Jay or anyone but I just want to know."

"You want to know?" I question tilting my head at him since I know he doesn't actually want to know if his little sister is having sex or not, because I sure as hell don't want to know if he is having sex.

"Well I don't _want_ to know." He laughs and I laugh "But as I big brother I just want to make sure you are safe. That he isn't pressuring you are anything."

"Lucas would never pressure me Tony." I tell him in a dead tone that he knows is completely serious.

"Don't get me wrong Brooke I like Lucas I do. I think he is a cool guy and he has become a good friend of mine. But he is still a guy and you are my baby sister and I worry about you."

"You don't need to worry Tony, one thing I have mastered is saying no." I smile and see him let out a sigh of relief. I also want to point out I didn't lie just then, though I didn't tell him I was having sex with Lucas, I also didn't say I wasn't. I said I was good at saying no he can take that anyway he wants to.

"Ok," he smiles nodding "That's good to know."

"Yes, so really T don't worry about me. I am fine and Lucas never will make me do something I don't want to do. Plus I have only been actually dating him a little over a month." I tell him and again no lie there, see I am really good at this. I don't lie and I don't feel guilty. I didn't answer his first question, I didn't lie or anything just didn't answer, just changed the topic some, then the next question I was honest I am good at saying no, just didn't tell him I am not good at saying no to Lucas.

"Well I will worry either way because I am your big brother, but you did put my mind at ease." He says and ok I feel a little guilty now. "But me, Jay, Nash, and Heath were going to head out early. You have fun with your boyfriend Brooke, just not that kind of fun." He winks kissing the side of my head and walking out.

"Oh boy." I mumble to myself as I take a sip of my coffee finishing it and then heading to take a shower before Lucas wakes up.

* * *

Getting out of the shower I feel completely relaxed. The hot water felt so good, I love hot showers. But right now I am getting dressed and doing my makeup. I don't know what I am doing today but I am hanging out with Lucas I know and kind of happy for it to be just the two of us. It's the first time that just _us_ two have hung out since we have taken the next step in our relationship.

"Good morning…" I hear as Lucas wraps his arms from behind me and kissing the side of my neck. "Mmmm you always smell so good." He smiles breathing in my strawberry shampoo and making me smile.

"Well thank you…" I smile turning in his arms, "You sleep well?"

"Well I was with you so yes." He grins leaning in to kiss me and I just smile at him as he kisses me again.

"As much as I…" I start but keep getting interrupted by his kisses, "Lucas…" I laugh putting my hand on his mouth stopping him.

"Sorry I just really love kissing you." he grins and I can't help but give him one more kiss but pull away from him before he can deepen it.

"It's ok but like I was saying, as much as I enjoy kissing you. You should really take a shower so we can go do something." I smile wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Well what are we going to do?"

"I don't know but thought we could do something." I shrug spinning back around from him and finishing up my makeup.

"Well are you going to shower with me?" he smirks as he starts kissing my neck again and I swear this boy just makes me want to give into him all the damn time. It's probably not healthy at how much I want him.

"I just took one." I smile as he brushes my wet hair off my neck and starts to kiss it, "Lucas…" I pretend to pout as he slides the strap of my shirt down and kissing my shoulder but truth is I'm really not at all put off by what he is doing. I just don't want him to think I have no power against him.

"Mhmm…" I hear him mumble as he starts to kiss up my neck and behind my ear and biting my earlobe softly.

"Ok…ok you better stop." I say pulling away from him and him letting out a small groan. "Just take a shower I will umm…" I pause grabbing my straightner "I will be just right out here." I say waking out and shutting the door.

_I feel weird, I don't know why, I don't know what happened but I feel weird. As much as I loved Lucas kissing me like that all I kept thinking about was what Tony talked about. I know my mom isn't overly comfortable with Lucas and I sharing a bed but she thinks we aren't doing anything and if she knows we are she would assume we aren't doing it with everyone in the house, with my little sister and brother who even if we locked the door could hear us or god forbid we forget to lock the door walk in on us._

_Tony this morning looked weird and nervous and I think it all was because he was afraid I was having sex. He was afraid that I was being with Lucas and that really seems to bother him. I can say that we won't do it anymore when he is over and everyone is home but honestly I don't know if when it's just me and Lucas and he is kissing me like that and its late and the door is locked that I would be able to tell him no. That I will be like Lucas we can't my mom is home and ugh I feel weird._

_I think the thought of me having sex will freak my brothers out because even if they do it I am their sweet innocent sister and I know they don't want me having sex. They don't want me to really even have a boyfriend because that may lead to sex, hell it did lead to sex. _

_And honestly I like being with Lucas in that way, I mean I love being with him in that way and not for the feeling of pleasure but more because of the connecting feeling. When we are together in that way I just feel so amazingly close to him, it's a feeling I can't really explain and unless you experience it I don't think it really can be explained._

_Just a feeling. _

"An amazing feeling." I mumble to myself as I shut my journal and toss it under my bed, "Hey I am just getting my brush." I tell Lucas as I walk back into the bathroom.

"Well are you still not joining me?" he smirks pulling the curtain to look at me.

"No baby I am not joining you." I laugh rolling my eyes as he just close the curtain mumbling something I don't know to himself.

"Well could you at least get me a towel?" he asks and I nod as I head out and upstairs to get it.

"Hey skank you home?!" I hear someone call from downstairs and I laugh knowing its Rachel and Haley, I just grab Lucas towel. I also thank everything I didn't join Lucas because I know Rachel and…

"Shit Lucas…" I freak rushing downstairs because I know that if she thinks I am in the shower she will snatch the curtain open and…

"Damn it Rachel!" I hear Lucas yell as I run into my room and find them in the bathroom.

"Rachel, Haley." I call and see them just staring at my boyfriend. "Guys!" I yell and they break their focus, and I wonder why the hell they stare so much at my boyfriend.

"Nice work Brookie." Rachel comments and I just roll my eyes handing Lucas his towel and shutting the door after pushing them both out.

"Ok you can't just walk into my bathroom and opening up the shower Rachel." I say annoyed and she just waves her hand at me.

"How was I supposed to know Lucas was in the shower and…Holy shit your hair is a little wet!" she freaks grabbing my hair and I look at her like she is nuts.

"Brooke your hair is wet!" Haley also yells and I again am not sure what the hell they are talking about.

"And I am lost…" I say walking past them and grabbing my straightner.

"Brooke your hair is wet and your lover is in the shower so that means…" Haley trails off.

"That means you had sex with Lucas in the shower!" Rachel yells.

"Ok we did not have sex in the shower I mean he wanted to but I was like umm no." I tell them running my straightner through my hair and watch as their mouth drops looking at me "What?"

"You said he wanted to." Haley comments.

"Yes he did but again I said no. I know you both have trouble saying no but it's easy." I laugh but they just stay focusing on me. "What?"

"It's just why would he want ya'lls first time to be in a shower, hell not just ya'lls first time but your first time. I mean unless…" Rachel trails off and then I realize I didn't tell them that we had sex yet…Crap.

"Unless you two totally already had sex!" Haley yells and Rachel and hers eyes widen and jaws drop again.

"Oh umm…did I not tell you that?" I kind of cringe bring my shoulder up and biting my bottom lip.

"No!!" they both yell together.

"Oh well I kind sorta had sex." I shrug as I play with my fingers.

"BROOKE!" they both yell.

"Ok look in my defense it only happened just the other day so…" I trail off knowing that you are supposed to tell your friends that. Well my friends you definitely tell because I am their sweet innocent Brooke and they are going to always want to know that.

"Yeah we also have talked since then. You could have told us then, you could have called." Haley tells me.

"Hell a text would work, hey guys I am home p.s. I just had sex. That would have worked just fine." Rachel tells me and I just laugh. "But now that we are over the shock…wait Hales you over the shock?" Rachel asks.

"Wait give me a second…" Haley says holding up her finger and I roll my eyes, "Ok I am now over it."

"Good now tell us." Rachel smiles as she jumps on my bed along with Haley.

"Tell you what?" I question.

"Hello?! How was it?" Haley says like I was stupid for not knowing it sooner and I laugh sitting on the bed next to them.

"Well it was…" I pause biting my lip looking up with a smile, "it was pretty amazing." I blush thinking about it and truth be told last night was better but I only think it was because I wasn't nervous, I wasn't worried about it and just let it be. "He was just so perfect and sweet the way he held me and how gentle he was. Everything about it was just really great."

"So he was good?" Haley grinned making me smile more.

"God he was. It was probably the most amazing feeling I have ever felt." I smile and my whole body tingles just thinking about it. "I mean its nuts every time he touches me now I just want to jump him which I know it completely nuts."

"Well I bet it was pretty damn good I mean did you just see him, damn that boy is-"

"Rachel!" I cut her off laughing.

"Sorry I was just saying."

"Just saying what?" Lucas asks walking into my room with his towel wrapped around him.

"Nothing!" we all say together and he gives us all a weird look, "But now you are out of the shower we can go." I smile getting off the bed.

"Where ya'll going?" Haley asks.

"I don't know yet." I tell them, "Oh sorry I totally forgot did you two need something?" I ask completely spacing on the fact they came over.

"Oh no we were just coming to say hello, see how your annual Christmas party went the other night." Rachel shrugs.

"Oh…" I smile leaning back into Lucas who wraps his arms around my waist, "It was eventful." I smirk as Lucas smiles nuzzling his head in my neck and giving it a small kiss as they both nod and ok, catching on to what I was saying.

"Yeah well we are heading out and Brooke we are talking later." Rachel says pointing at me and I just nod as her and Haley skip out of my room.

"They know don't they?" Lucas asks and I nod with a laugh as he lets go of me and walking over pulling on his clothes, "You know when I think about it, my brother's girlfriend seeing me naked kind weird's me out." He laughs pulling on his jeans.

"It's ok the room was nothing but compliments." I smile walking up wrapping my arms around his neck giving him a small kiss, "I think they are jealous by…" I pause looking down at the lower part of his body then looking back up at him with a smirk "things".

"Oh gotcha…" he smiles wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Yeah but they better _never_ see you naked again." I tell him stressing the word never.

"Trust me they won't." he smiles kissing me softly, "So what do you want to do?"

"I'm actually really really hungry."

"What would you like?" he asks letting go of me and putting on his shirt as I run the straightner a little more in my hair then putting it in the bathroom.

"Oh Brady's!" I call from the bathroom.

"Brady's?" he asks frowning a little at me.

"What do you not like it?" I ask leaning against the door frame, wondering since we have eaten there before.

"No I do" he says "I just am not too crazy about the employees." He mumbles more to himself and I just kind of look at him, "What?" he asks looking at me.

"What do you mean the employees?" I question placing my hands on the hips, because I know he isn't talking about David. Lucas has met David a few times since we started dating and he was always nice to him, so I know he isn't saying he doesn't like David

"Just I don't really like the way that David guy looks at you that's all." He shrugs it off like it's no big deal and ok he is talking about David but I hope he knows he is talking about one of my very close friends.

"David is like one of my best friends." I argue "Is this another Nash thing?"

"No not at all because one I will openly admit I was dumb ever thinking you and Nash were something…"

"Your right you were a complete dumb ass on that one." I interrupt crossing my arms over my chest nodding and he just lets out a small laugh.

"But anyways," he continues "Nash doesn't nor has he ever looked at you like David does." He tells me.

"Well how does David supposedly look at me?" I challenge because I know David doesn't look at me anyway and I am completely shocked when he actually has an answer for it.

"Like he wants to push you up against the nearest wall and take you right there." he states locking his eyes on mine in a pissed yet jealous tone.

"Ok one no one looks at me like that and if someone does its you not David. We have been friends for years and I told you if something would have happened it would have." I argue kind of irritated about this talk.

"Well one I am allowed to look at you like that because you are _my _girlfriend and two I am just telling you what I see." He says but still doesn't seem like he is arguing with me more just telling me.

"Well Lucas you see wrong." I protest.

"No I really don't think I do." he shrugs walking out of my room and I just roll my eyes following him to his car.

* * *

We don't really talk much about the whole David thing on the way there mainly because I don't believe it. But at the same time I guess maybe, just maybe I get what he might mean but only because I know David. I mean every time I would find some guy I might like he just magically decided to confess his feeling for me. However when I would challenge him on them, be like fine ok let's give it a try he quickly back tracked and wouldn't bring it up again. However he really hasn't done that since I got with Lucas so I am not really sure where Lucas got the idea from, but I won't lie when he is all broody and jealous it's really kind of hot.

"Baby I don't want to fight." Lucas sighs stopping at the door and taking my hands in his, "I hate fighting with you." he says brushing my hair back.

"I know I hate fighting with you too." I agree, "Can't we just eat and forget about it?" I ask and he nods. I can tell he wants to talk more about it but instead just shakes his head of it holding my hand as we walk inside.

"Hey B." David greets as I walk in the door.

"Hey David," I smile and feel Lucas wrap his arm around my waist as David walks up to take our order.

"Want the usual?" he questions and I just nod as he types it in and we pay then handing us our cups, "So what you up to today?"

"Nothing just hanging out with the boyfriend here." I smile looking up at Lucas, "Right Boyfriend?" I smile making sure to stress boyfriend as he leans in kissing me.

"Yeah Pretty Girl." He smiles and I see him relax some as I just curl my body into his.

"Well that's cool but go ahead and sit down I will bring it out to you."

"Thanks D." I smile grabbing our drinks and Lucas's hand as we walk over to my normal booth as I slide in and Lucas slides next to me. I smile over at him and he turns to look at me and when he does I just kiss him, it's soft and gentle but I think sometimes those are the best. I wrap my arms around his neck and feel his hand on my side pulling me a little closer to him as we slowly pull away I just bit my bottom lip smiling at him and I just look at him wondering why he is looking at me like that. "What?" I giggle but he doesn't say anything, "Luke why are you looking at me like that?"

"I umm…" he starts but pauses looking down for a second.

"You what?"

"I…" he starts but gets interrupted when David walks up handing us our food. I see Lucas let out a small groan falling back in his seat and I just kind of look at him confused until turning to face David.

"Thanks David."

"No problem babe." He smiles walking away and I kind of wished he didn't say babe since Lucas just glares at him but it's more of a habit, nothing more than that.

"Umm what were you saying?" I ask him trying to change the gaze he has but he just shakes his head.

"Nothing don't worry about it." He mumbles and I just nod an ok as I turn and we eat our food.

We both sit there quietly as Lucas plays with the last couple of his fries and I just turn in the booth facing him. "Broody." I say trying to get him to look at me.

"Yeah?" he says still fiddling with his fries and I just take it from his hand popping it in my mouth his a smile before placing my hand on the side of his cheek turning him to look at me.

"Hey…" I smile as I let my thumb rub his jaw line.

"Hey." He smiles back and I take my left leg placing it in his lap and turning my whole body around in the booth as he holds onto to my leg.

"You know what you mean to me don't you?" I question and he just nods playing with a loose string on my jeans. "Lucas." I say seriously turning him to look at me, "I care about you so much, no one but you."

"I know you do," he smiles and I see him debating something in his head but I am not sure what, it's like he is having an argument in there and it is kind of making me nervous to what he is thinking, "I umm…" he says looking down then back at me, "I…I care about you too." He finally says with a small sigh.

"Oh Broody what am I going to do with you." I tease and he finally cracks a smile, a different smile I don't really understand but it's a smile.

"I don't know." he shrugs and I try to ignore whatever he is being so weird about. Well it's not even weird but it's something, something is seriously going on in his pretty little head.

"But you know I have never had someone jealous over me, I kind of like it." I joke placing both my hands under his jaw and then the smile he gets is actually a real one, a cute little grin that I love.

"Well I just like being many of your first." He grins and I lean in kissing him with a smile.

"Well I love having you being my first." I grin wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Wait what did you just say?" he asks with a small smile but also a nervous one.

"I said I love having you being my first," I repeat kind of looking at him confused to why he is being so weird. "What's going on with you?" I ask running my hand through his hair.

"Nothing I just thought…nothing." He says shaking his head and kissing me. I kind of wanted to know what he thought but when he smiles in our kiss I just figure I will ignore it.

Well least for right now.

* * *

**Well I just wanted to thank you all for the reviews last chapter. I am so glad you enjoyed :) You can thank this quick update to ****_TypoKween_**** you are awesome girl and thanks for every one of your reviews through this story! I am glad you can relate to some of the things because its true we all have our crazy drunken dials and best friends who take our phones. Brachel is so me and my best friend which makes it so easy to write them! But thanks so much for the reviews all of you!!!**

**Please review this chapter and let me know what you all think :D**


	19. Chapter 19

_Lucas has been so weird the last couple weeks. I don't get what's up. He acts like something is on his mind, like there is something he wants to tell me and I am nervous, I am so very nervous because I don't want him to like break up with me or something. _

_The other day we were at his apartment watching a movie and when I kissed him he like froze at first. I pulled back looking at him and he gave me a look, one he has seemed to be giving me the last few days but he doesn't say anything. He just kissed me again and then seemed fine. _

_I pray to everything he isn't going to end us. God I hope he doesn't. I think over time and lots and lots of crying I would be fine and over it but I don't want to lose him I really don't. I care about him so much and if he says he wants to break up I will die, I will feel humiliated and crushed and I think I might seriously die right there on the spot._

_I mean I gave myself to him, I gave myself to him in a way I never gave myself to anyone and I swear I don't regret it. I don't regret anything about what we have done but having him break up with me after a couple weeks since I lost my virginity to him I will seriously be crushed. Then knowing I gave that to someone just to have them break up with me so soon after I don't even think I could describe the hurt I would feel._

_I hope I am just over thinking, over analyzing it all because a couple weeks back at Brady's I told him exactly what he meant to me and he did say he cared about me too. But… oh my god he paused, he paused long and hard and was thinking about it really way to long, like he wasn't sure he wanted to say it or not. The last few weeks when I make a comment about caring for him he has paused, he doesn't say it he freaking pauses._

_That asshole is going to break up with me! Oh my god!_

_No Brooke he isn't he just has stuff going on. I need someone to tell me he has stuff going on. And as I read that line it pisses me off more because me saying he has stuff going on means nothing. I can try to convince myself that he has a lot on his mind but I am his damn girlfriend still even if it's not for much longer, he can talk to me._

_I'm going to Rachel's in a few and Lucas is going to be there, well he is always there but still I kind want to ask what's going on with him._

_Ok it's decided I am going to ask him…I just don't know if I really want to know the answer or not._

"Sissy!_" _I hear Aiden yell as I close my journal tossing it on my night stand to go down the hall to find my little brother.

"What's up?" I ask leaning against the door frame as he plays his video game.

"Will you play with me?" he asks not taking his eyes off the screen as he kills some guy on his new Call of Duty game.

"I'm sorry I can't I was just about to leave." I tell him and hear him sigh. "Maybe when I get home in the morning we can." I offer.

"No you won't." he mumbles to himself.

"What does that mean?" I ask walking over and sitting on his bed.

"Just you always say we will play tomorrow, or we will hang out later but we won't. You are always too busy hanging out with Lucas or Haley and Rachel." He tells me.

"I'm…I'm sorry." I sigh, "But you know I can be late to Rachel how about we play now?" I suggest climbing off his bed sitting next to him taking out another controller.

"No its ok." he shrugs turning off the game and standing up, "You can leave its fine." He sighs giving me a hug but it's not a real hug just one because he knows I am leaving and that kills me, "Bye." He says walking out of his room.

"Bye." I mumble to myself tossing the controller on the floor sitting there.

* * *

At Rachel's I just sit there thinking about what Aiden said. When did I become so caught up in my social life I forgot my little brother. I hang out with Tony and Jay all the time and I even spend a lot of time with Kylee, just the other day she went with me, Haley and Rachel to the mall but Aiden I haven't really spent time with in a long time.

He use to be the only person I would spend time with doing stupid things and random things because he was my baby, but now my baby is growing up and as he grows up I just started to hang out with him less. I have become one of those sisters who let their life get so caught up with the boyfriends and friends they forget everything else. I hate those sisters.

Not only is that all on my mind I am thinking about Lucas still. This again pisses me off because my little brother is upset with my spending all my time with them and here I sit in my best friend's house thinking about my boyfriend. Ugh! But still I sit here with him and he is kind of being better but still seems to be thinking about something, but hell I am thinking about something too.

"What's on your mind?" Lucas whispers to me as we lay next to the fire and everyone else does their own thing.

"Nothing." I lie and he just wraps his arms tight around me as I rest with my back against him.

"You are thinking." He says resting his chin on my shoulder and I just nod. "So what you thinking about? You can talk to me." and I pause thinking now what the hell might as well just get it over with now.

"If you're going to do it just do it." I mumble more to myself but I know he hears me since he tense behind me. Then I feel my heart break because now I am more than sure he is going to break up with me, he clearly just didn't know I knew it.

"What…umm…what do you want me to just do?" he stutters out and I shake my head leaning from against him.

"Break up with me." I tell him with practically no emotion as I turn to look at him, "If you want to break up with me just do it because it may hurt like hell at first but over time I will get over it." I shrug acting like this little fact isn't killing me inside.

"What?!" he asks almost shocked which I am not sure why he is so shocked unless he is just shocked I actually called him out on it, "Baby why would you even think that?" he questions and now I am confused.

"Because you're different you…" I start but pause when I hear my phone going off and looking to see its Tony so I just silence it as I continue, "You don't act the same. You don't kiss me the same or touch me the same, even when we sleep together you act I don't know just different."

"Brooke I'm…I'm not meaning to."

"Well you are, I mean did I do something wrong?" I question, "I mean when we were together did I do something that wasn't right or isn't right?" I ask because he always seemed to enjoy being together, hell he is the one who starts it most the time so that must mean he likes being with me but right now I am not sure of really anything.

"What? No! No you didn't do anything wrong." He says shaking his head and taking my hand in his, "Baby you're amazing, when we are together its amazing." he tells me and ok that should make me feel better but not really since my boyfriend is still acting weird and right now confusing the hell out of me.

"Then what is it then? Why…" I start but again get interrupted by my phone going off and growl seeing its Jason so again I hit the button to silence it, "Why are you being like this? If everything is so amazing as you say then why do you act like so weird around me like something is on your mind. Or why did at Brady's did you pause so long when I said I cared about you. Like you weren't sure you wanted to say you cared about me too! Like…" and again I get interrupted by my phone but it being my father and I am sure as hell not answering his call, "I swear why is everyone bugging me." I growl more to myself hitting once again the silence button.

"I don't know…" he says looking at my phone.

"But what is it Lucas? What is making you be so different with me? Because if I didn't do anything wrong I don't know what's going on." I growl throwing my hands up slightly annoyed at how confusing all this is becoming.

"I didn't mean to be doing anything to make you question my feelings for you. Yes there is something on my mind but it's not that I want to break up with you Brooke! The last thing I want to do is break up with you! God I'm in love with you!" He almost yells at me and my eyes widen because I am sure he didn't just say that to me, I mean did he just say that to me, "I love you." he repeats.

Yup he definitely just said that to me.

I just kind of stare at him not sure what I am supposed to say to that. "That's what has been on my mind, that's why I have been acting different because every time we are together I have just wanted to say it but my nerves take over and I don't. That's why that day at Brady's I paused because I wanted to say that I loved you, I was going to say it but David came over and then when we are together I want to say it. That's why I pull away from our kiss or whatever I have done because I just wanted to tell you that I love you." he says again and it almost freaks me out how easily he says that to me, like no effort at all I love you just falls so easily from his lips.

But I still sit frozen, frozen like an idiot and when my phone starts going off again I finally answer because least that gives me a distraction and process it all, "Umm...hello." in such a whisper I don't know if the other person on the line can hear me. Hell I don't even know who is on the other line, all I know is my eyes are locked on the boy in front of me and I can tell he is waiting for me to say something to him. However when I hear my mom's broken voice on the other line I get pulled completely out of everything, "Mom what's wrong? Why are you crying?" I ask and see everyone turn to look at me as I hear her tell me why everyone was so desperate to reach me "What?" my voice cracks as I feel the tears burn in my eyes, "Is..Is he ok?" I ask and see Lucas look at me concerned sitting up straight clearly wondering what's going on. "Oh my god." My voice cracks placing my hand over my mouth.

"Brooke you ok?" Rachel asks easing out of Cooper's lap.

"I'm coming, I will be right there." I say ignoring Rachel hanging up and jumping up to get my stuff.

"Brooke." I hear Lucas say behind me but I am too busy trying to find my purse and keys.

"Damn it!" I curse searching the living room, "Where are my keys!" I freak trying to keep my emotions in check, trying not to lose it.

"Brooke!" Haley calls but again I ignore them.

"Where are my damn keys!?" I scream annoyed now no one will give me my keys or even help look for them.

"Brooke!" Rachel yells grabbing my arm to stop me, "What is wrong? What happened?" she asks.

"I need to go Rachel he is hurt I need to go. I need to get to him." I tell her, "Will someone tell me where the hell my keys are?!"

"They are right here." Nathan says handing them to me and I take off towards the door.

"Brooke!" Lucas yells this time grabbing my arm to stop me.

"Lucas let me go I need to get to him. I need to make him better. I need…" I start but stop knowing I can't talk anymore as my voice cracks and finally the tears fall, "I should have played with him. I should have stayed home with him." I cry.

"Who? Brooke who are you talking about?" he asks.

"Aiden. He is in the hospital. He was outside playing and the ball went into the street and he ran after it…"

"Oh god." Haley says covering her mouth and I can also see tears forming in her eyes because she has grown close to my little brother, my little brother who needs me.

"They didn't see him, how the hell don't you see him!" I cry.

"Brooke is he ok?" Rachel asks as her voice cracks.

"I don't know…I don't know I just need… I need to go." I say again taking off towards my car.

"Brooke you can't drive I will take you." Lucas says grabbing his keys and following me and I nod thinking I heard Haley and Rachel telling Lucas to call them when they know something.

* * *

I feel numb, I feel numb and sick and I wish to everything that I answered when the boys first called, when Richard called. "I can't lose him." I whisper as Lucas drives down the highway to the hospital.

"You won't; he will be fine." Lucas tries to reassure but I shake my head no because he doesn't know that, he doesn't know he will be fine. I don't know; he doesn't know; all I do know is that I need to see my baby brother, I need to see him.

This is the longest drive of my whole life and I curse at Lucas to drive faster he doesn't argue or yell back. He just nods and doesn't ignore me but doesn't really say anything back because he knows I am not mad at him I just need to get there.

The car isn't even fully stopped before I jump out running into the hospital and up to the nurses' station. "Excuse me can I help you?" the nurse behind the counter ask.

"Umm… my brother was hit by a car, I need to know where he is." I tell her and see as she slowly searches the computer and then looks through some papers, "Today would be nice." I hiss and she just looks up at me.

"Brooke…" Lucas whispers.

"What?!" I snap back at him not meaning to just wanting to know why this woman is taking so damn long.

"Nothing." He says shaking his head then turning to the nurse, "I'm sorry his name is Aiden Davis he's 11 and would have been brought an hour or so ago." Lucas tells her in calmer tone then mine and she nods again typing his name in the computer.

"An 11 year old Davis was taken through emergency about an hour ago and is on the third floor." she explains and I don't listen to the rest of what she says as I take off for the elevator.

"Mom!" I cry running over to her as she stands hugging me, "Is he ok?" I ask breaking from the hug as tears stream steadily down my face.

"Yes I am sure he is ok. He was awake when they brought him in but he hit his head really hard and messed up his shoulder." she says and her somewhat calm tone relaxes me some but I know she is only sounding calm because if she doesn't the rest of us will lose it.

"I'm sorry I didn't answer when the boys called I was…" I trail off remembering what was happening and looking over at Lucas who is just looking down, "I should have answered."

"It doesn't matter you are here now its ok." she smiles sadly hugging me.

"What happened? I mean I know what happened but how?" I ask and look over at Tony who looks almost dead pale and I see a large cut above his eye. "Tony…" I say walking over to him knelling in front of him and gently touching his cut, "What happened?"

"Tony tackled Aiden." Jay says and I just look at him confused.

"I saw the car coming and I froze. I yelled his name but couldn't move." Kylee mumbles to herself and I thank everything when Lucas pulls her into a hug and she wraps her arms around him crying into his chest.

"It's ok Shhh…it will be ok." he whispers rubbing the top of her head and I see her nod hugging him tighter.

"If Tony tackled him he should be fine right I mean Tony got him out of the way." I question but Tony just shakes his head.

"Yeah I tackled him and he hit his head on the ground, he hit it hard and his shoulder smashed on the curb. It looked bad B it…" Tony stops and for the first time in my whole life I see my big brother, my big strong brother's eyes water. "You should have seen his face B. He just stood there as it came at him and he…" he trails off and I just hug him as I start to cry.

I pull out of our hug and he smiles wiping my tear.

"Don't cry B you really aren't too cute when you do it. I'm sure even Luke will agree with me on that and he actually thinks you're decent looking." Jason teases making us all crack a small smile. Leave it to Jay to make someone smile when this is going on.

"Shut up." I laugh some smacking him and wiping my tears and smudged make up.

"Doctor." I hear my mom say jumping up walking over to the white hair man. "How is he?"

"Ms. Davis Aiden is fine." He says and we all let out a long sigh of relief, "He has a concussion and fractured his shoulder. He will be fine though. They are giving him a cast which is going to cover from his shoulder down to his forearm. The nurse will explain how to clean and shower him when they are done. But other than a little pain and discomfort he will be good as new in a few weeks. He is very lucky."

"Oh thank god can I see him?"

"Yes when the nurse is done wrapping him up she will come get you." he smiles and my mom nods as he walks away.

"See told you all he would be fine. My baby is perfectly fine." She smiles and I just hug her again thanking everything that he is ok. He will be ok.

We are all relived and for the first time since that call I feel relaxed, well I do until I feel a hand on my back and my whole body tenses up again since I know exactly who it is.

"Hey Brooke." I hear turning to see my father, ugh last person I want to be seeing right now.

"Hey." I half say and see how my whole family roll their eyes at him.

"I tried calling you."

"Yeah I know so did Tony and Jay and if I didn't answer them you think I would really answer you?" I hiss walking away from him.

"Brooke this is a serious thing for everyone your brother is hurt. You think for a short period of time you could not be a little brat?" he questions and he actually pisses me off more he is saying this in front of Lucas because though we have talked about it we really haven't discussed the man I call my father.

"Why are you even here?" I snap waiting for someone to stop me but knowing no one will because I say to Richard what everyone thinks and they actually like I do that.

"My son is in the hospital Brooklyn."

"Oh right I am so stupid." I say smacking my forehead, "You need something to tell everyone. So how many people have you called with this sad news? I bet you have called all your friends, hell I bet you even called someone you don't even talk to anymore just to say my son was in an accident. Have you already had you business call?" I question crossing my arms over my chest.

"What business call?"

"You know the call you always have where we will be out and you talk way to loud just so everyone can hear. Where you always say hey I am at my daughters softball game, I am shopping for my kids Christmas gifts or I have my kids this weekend. The call you always have just so everyone will think Aww isn't he such a great dad." I smile fakely placing my hand on my heart. "I mean it's just too bad his injuries weren't more serious so you would have more to tell everyone. I'll make sure to tell A when I see him to actually get hit by the car next time." I scuff.

"Tori do something about your daughter." He says with clenched teeth.

"Oh hear that mom I am your daughter now not ya'lls." I say looking over at my mom, "Wait does that mean I can skip Christmas this year, I mean since I am _her _daughter." I ask and see Tony and Jay smile some, clearly wanting to laugh.

"Hey Brooke why don't we go get some coffee or something." Lucas suggests placing his hand on my shoulder.

"I don't want coffee." I tell him but keeping my eyes on my so called father wondering why the hell he hasn't left yet.

"But I would like some so baby girl will you get me some please?" My mom asks me and I just look at her and she gives me that look that says, nicely done I agree with you but this is not the place to fight with him, and then looks up at Lucas giving him a thank you smile that he just nods.

"Come on Brooke." He says again taking my hand in his giving me a small tug.

"Fine." I agree glaring at Richard one last time before walking off.

* * *

"God I hate that man." I growl as we get some coffee out of those little 50 cent machines, "I swear he better be gone when I get back up there. He doesn't make things better just tenser and annoys us all. He will just upset Aiden by being here." I ramble more to myself and Lucas just nods placing dime after dime into the machine as I talk and I just kind of trail off looking at the boy in front of me who is just mixing another cup of coffee with cream and sugar, "Thanks for bring me." I say softly placing my hand on his.

"Anything for you." he smiles turning his hand underneath mine and lacing his fingers through mine and turns his smile into a somewhat sad one and I know why. I didn't say anything back to him just froze and stared at him when he told me he loved me, "I'm just glad he is ok." he whispers.

"Yeah me too. I love him so much I couldn't lose him. If I lost him I swear they would just have to take me too." I say with a dry laugh. But it's true; it's true for all of us. We are like one big machine or something that without the other we don't work. We don't function right and if a piece of us is gone, if one of us isn't there then the rest of us won't work. We just can't live without each other, we complete each other.

"I wouldn't be able to lose you." Lucas whispers looking at me and my heart starts to race because I am afraid he is going to say it again. And I won't have something to interrupt it this time when he does.

"Lucas…" I start trying to stop him from saying it again.

"I meant it Brooke." He says as brush a strand of hair behind my ear and letting his hand linger on the check.

"I know you did Lucas." seems to be the only thing I can say and I honestly don't know why him saying that to me freaks me out so much but it definitely does.

"Brooke…" he whispers clearly wanting me to say it back and I can see the hurt and disappointment in his eyes when I pause, not only pause but become completely mute.

"Lucas I can't talk about this, not here." I tell him and see him nod sadly, "I'm…I'm sorry." I tell him and he nods picking up a coffee for the kids and my mom.

"Your right this isn't the place to talk about this." he sighs walking past me to the elevator and we both get on for a very long and uncomfortable ride back to the room.

* * *

**Review please :D**


	20. Chapter 20

_Aiden is home. He came home this morning and is actually doing really well. His arm is sore and has trouble sleeping with that stupid cast but they gave him some pain medicine and sleeping pills just in case he goes a couple days without a real good night's sleep._

_I keep blaming myself for it all which I know is dumb but I can't help it. I just feel if I wasn't out with Lucas and all my friends, if I stayed to play with him then he wouldn't have gotten hurt. Even if we all went outside to play a football game I wouldn't have let him go in the street. I would have gotten the ball or I would have made sure the ball wouldn't have ever gone in the street. I would have protected him because that is my job; that is what I am here to do protect my little brother. _

_As a big sister that is what I am supposed to do, that is what my title enlists. I take care of him and Kylee, I protect them from everything and I don't let harm come of them. And the job I have loved so much, the one thing I ever thought I was actually good at I failed. I failed so bad that I could have lost him and if that happened I would never be able to live with myself._

_He is asleep right now which I am thankful for because he needs to rest. I was sitting in his room earlier watching a movie and his medicine took over putting him to sleep. He fell asleep with his head in my lap and though I could have moved without him waking up I didn't. I just sat there running my hands softly through his hair and cried like a big baby._

_I cried forever just watching him sleep and just kissing his head whispering how much I loved him until I decided it was probably best to move him so he was more comfortable and slept better. I moved him and he woke up some but not much and just snuggled to his pillow and went back to sleep. _

_I called Haley and Rachel telling them he was fine and both said to give him a kiss for them and they would come visit him when he was ready for some company and knowing Aiden that will be tomorrow. He bounces back pretty quick even with everything. He already wanted to play and go crazy but my mom was like no way get in bed, so that's when we decided on a movie._

_I haven't really talked to Lucas today. He left the hospital late last night and I told him I would call him today just haven't yet. I don't know what to say because I just don't think I can tell him that back. I don't think I could tell him that I….that… ugh why can't just freaking say it or even write it. Not like it's that hard just three simple words, 8 letters and one really big, huge meaning that I have never told anyone but my family and of course my closest friends it's just Lucas doesn't mean it like a family or friend._

_He doesn't mean it like when I say it to Nash, or Heath or hell even David. He doesn't mean it like when I say it to my mom or the kids he means it as something else. In a way I have only thought I felt for Shane and why on earth I don't know because I know my feelings for Lucas are completely different then mine were for Shane. They are so much stronger than they were for Shane._

_I guess I get why everything was different. Like when we were together, sleeping together. Why it wasn't as lustful I guess you would say as before. He has always been gentle and stuff but something about the last time together just a few days ago was like slow and passionate and I dare admit loving. _

_I guess because in Lucas's mind we weren't just having sex we were making love. He was making love to me and I was just way too stupid to realize it. Was I to stupid because I don't feel that for him or because I just didn't realize he felt that?_

_Also I want to know why I can admit we made love, I can say that so easily but can't actually let those other three words come out they aren't hard._

_I, it's you, it's a word to describe you and it's not a hard word to say hell its one damn letter. You is just as easy of a word, it can mean me or someone I am talking to and then the word that makes that whole statement love._

_It's a strong, scary, intense and a word I really don't say that much. It can mean so much and it's just four little letters. Four small letters and one syllable and I can't say it to an amazing boy who can say it so easily to me._

_I love things that he does. Like I love his kisses, I love how my body just molds to his like that's where it supposed to be. I love how he gets that cute little boyish grin and I love him with my family. I love how he can calm me like no one else and how he was there for me last night. But I can't even say it to him._

_What am I afraid of? I trust Lucas, I trust him with everything, I trust me with my thoughts, with my body with everything but I can't fully trust him with my heart. I can't say those words that could come back and break me completely. It almost amazes even me that as soon as he said them, as soon as the words left his mouth and I knew he really said them I felt all the walls inside me shoot up and close myself off from him._

"Everything is just way to complicated." I mumble falling back on my bed looking over at my phone seeing I have a text from Rachel but not really wanting to reach for it. I am actually pretty exhausted and I don't even know why. I guess the fact I haven't eaten today. Or really yesterday and my eating habits that I thought were slowly improving are starting to fall back again.

I lay there on my bed with my eyes closed when I hear my bedroom door open and someone walk in. But I don't have to open my eyes to know who it is, just with him around me I know its Lucas. I always know when Lucas is around, just like that night at Rachel's when he walked in, and even with my back to him I knew he was there.

I feel him sit on my bed and move a few strands of hair from my face and I slowly open up my tired eyes. "Hey." I smile up at him.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you." he tells me but I just shake my head no.

"You didn't I wasn't really asleep." I tell him as I move over in my bed for him to lay next to me, "Lay with me." I say and he falls on the bed slowly and I snuggle close to him.

"You tired?" he asks and I just nod yes as he runs his finger tips slowly up and down my back. "Why don't you try sleeping some." He suggests.

"Will you stay with me?" I ask looking up at him and he just nods as I place my head back on his chest and wrapping my arm over him holding him tight. "I always sleep best when you're holding me." I yawn softly and slowly drift off to sleep.

* * *

When I wake up Lucas is still asleep. He looks so cute sleeping and I am kind of glad he is asleep because I need to talk to someone about everything that is going on. To explain what's going on with it all and what Lucas said I just need to talk about it all. I give Lucas a kiss on the side of his head as I crawl out of his arms and head down the hall to the only person who can honestly understand it all.

"Tony?" I knock on his door walking in to find him on his computer.

"Hey B what's up?" he asks turning in his chair to look at me.

"Could I umm…talk to you about something?" I ask and he nods sure as I close the door behind me, walking over and sitting on his bed.

"What's up?" he asks as I sit silently on his bed pulling his pillow in my lap and playing with a loose string on it. "Brooke?" he says waving his hand in my face.

"Have you ever told someone you loved them?" I whisper but not looking at him.

"Umm...no...No I haven't." he tells me and I just nod, "Are you thinking about saying it to Lucas?" he asks but I shake my head no.

"He umm…he said it to me." I say finally looking up at him, "But I just don't know, I don't know if I can say it back T."

"Why do you not love him?" he questions.

"No, I mean yes…I mean I'm not sure." I sigh "I mean I care about him so much. I care about him enough too…" I trail off because I can't actually tell my brother I care about him enough to sleep with him, but as he slowly nods an oh I think he already knows what I was about to say.

"Ya'll have slept together haven't ya'll?" he questions and I just nod "So a couple weeks ago when I asked…" he trails off and I realize he realized I lied to him.

"I didn't want to lie to you Tony, I really didn't and the truth is that when you asked it only just happened." I tell him quickly "I guess I just didn't want you to think less of me or something because of it." I shrug and that part is true.

"I understand that but I wouldn't nor do I think less of you Brooke." He smiles making me feel a little better, "But you didn't have to lie. Do I like the fact my baby sister is having sex no not really but I do know you are 18 and I am just glad you waited…wait you did wait I mean Lucas was your…"

"Yes." I tell him quickly to clear up any confusion "Lucas has been the only guy I have ever been with in that way." I tell him because truth is I don't think I can actually say the word sex to Tony, I don't know why but I just feel weird saying I had sex to the kid who is my big brother and use to change my diapers.

"That actually does make me feel better. It would also make me feel better knowing he didn't pressure you since ya'll haven't been together that long." He says.

"No he didn't pressure me. I actually was more of the one to say I wanted to. Truth is I am more than sure Lucas would have waited forever for me." I say with a dry laugh and it's true. I was almost shocked at how patient and understanding Lucas was with me.

"That's because he cares about you Brooke. And trust me it is hard being with a girl you care about and not being with them in that way. So if he would have waited for you forever my man has lots of will power." He laughs making me laugh.

"No he just took lots of cold showers." I tease and Tony just laughs more. "But seriously know he never pressured me Tony. He never made me feel like I had to. Even while we were about to…" I pause and he nods knowing what I meant "Well he was more than ok with stopping but I didn't want to. It was all me."

"Well that does make me feel better I guess I little but I don't think you came in here to tell me you had sex. So let's get back to the point." He says and I nod knowing he is right, "He said I love you." and I nod again "And you didn't say it back?"

"Well when he said it when we were at Rachel's and lying by the fire and talking. I thought he was actually going to break up with me because he kept acting like he was going to say something but never did, always pause before saying he cared about me." I explain "So I guess when he asked what I was thinking I just told him if he was going to break up with me just to do it, but he said he wasn't he said he wasn't even thinking that because what was on his mind was he that he was in love with me."

"So what did you say? I mean clearly he wasn't to mad you didn't say it back since he came over just a little while ago."

"He is still here actually he is asleep in my room and I am afraid when he wakes up he will say it again because when he said it I had the best excuse not to say it back." I explain.

"Which was?"

"Aiden was in the hospital." I shrug and he nods an oh "Yeah that's why I ignored your call and Jays and Richards. We were kind of arguing I guess I mean sorta but not really and then he said that he loved me and mom called so I answered thanking god she did."

"Why are you so afraid of saying it back?" he asks "I mean I know you care about him. I know you really do because I can see it every time you are around him, so why not say you love him."

"Because I don't know if I really love him yet. Yes I care about him. I care about him so much but I don't know if its love and I don't want to say it to him if it's not. But ok I guess what it is…" I stop thinking "I guess I slept with him and I will not regret that ever. But if we broke up I would be ok it would hurt because we had sex but if I actually say those words back to him if I actually say I love you then it makes it all real. Everything I am feeling and then if we do break up and I know I loved him I would die. My heart would shatter and I don't think I would be able to handle it."

"Brooke just because you don't actually say the words doesn't mean you don't feel it and it doesn't mean that if you two break up you won't hurt." He says in his wise older brother way, "But I think you do love him. and I think that scares you because you could get hurt, you could get really hurt but also think about how amazing it would feel to be in love." He smiles patting my hand and I know he is right, "You just have to decide if this fear you have is really worth losing him because to me it seems you lose either way."

"Your right I say it back I could get crushed I don't I get crushed ugh why is this so complicated!" I growl falling back on the bed covering my face with the pillow.

"Its not." he laughs grabbing the pillow off my face "You just make it more complicated B." he laughs "Well you and mom make it more complicated."

"Yeah you are right." I laugh "We really are the same person."

"Yup you are and look how it turned out when she let her fear stop her from loving someone." He says giving me that look, the one that says really think this one through.

"When did you get so smart?" I tease with a smile.

"Oh I have always been smart I mean hello." He says pointing at his diploma on the wall.

"Oh yes I forgot." I laugh hitting my head as I get up off his bed, "Thanks for listening Tony. I love you." I smile hugging him.

"Oh look how easy that was." he laughs and I just nod "But I am always here when you need to talk."

"Yeah." I smile walking to head out of the room "Oh and T…" I call and he looks at me "No one…umm…no one knows that me and Lucas…" I trail off and he nods.

"I won't say anything B. I promised I wouldn't and I meant it." He smiles and I nod with a smile before walking out and heading back to my room.

"Hey I was wondering where you went." Lucas says stretching and easing up on my bed as I walk into my room.

"Yeah I was just checking on Aiden and talking to Tony." I tell him and he nods as I walk over sitting on the edge of my bed next to him. "Thanks for coming over."

"I just wanted to see you." he tells me and I nod as he leans in kissing me. I pull on the back of his neck pulling him more into me as we kiss and he just rest his hand on my thigh. The kiss is a long one, one I enjoy but soon he pulls out of our kiss leaning his forehead against mine as both my hands rest on the side of his face, "I…I love you." he says again and I just nod leaning in to kiss him again but he doesn't let the kiss last before pulling away from me, "You can't say it back can you?" he questions and I just close my eyes feeling my heart race and eyes burn with tears.

I want to say it back I just don't know if that's really how I feel and I won't be one of those people who say I love you to someone because they say it to me, I just can't. "I care about you so much Lucas." I tell him.

"You just don't love me." he sighs and his voice just crushes me.

"Lucas…" I whisper and feel him remove his hand from my leg and face from close to mine before getting up from my bed, "I just…I just don't know how I can say it." I tell him as he stands still in my room.

"You just say it Brooke." He tells me but with his back still towards me but when he speaks there is little if any emotion in his voice.

"Lucas we haven't been together that long how can you even be sure that's what you are feeling?" I ask as he turns around to look at me.

"Because I just know Brooke." He tells me as he walks over taking my hand making me stand from the bed, "I know by the way I touch you and kiss you. I know by the way we make love." He smiles brushing my hair slowly behind my ear "I know by the feeling I get when I am around you and the fact I want to be with you all the time." he explains to me with a small sad smile says "I just love you and I just wish you could say you loved me too."

"I'm sorry…" I sigh looking down and feeling him sigh, "Maybe…maybe this is all too fast. Maybe we just went to fast." I whisper being a coward as I say it and not looking him in the eyes.

"I knew you would regret it." He sighs closing his eyes and shaking his head before walking away from me. "I should have stopped us. I should have waited and not made you feel like you had too." He whispers shaking his head with his back to me but I hear him and I know he means when we had sex but that's not it. That is not what is making me run and hide like a child.

"No…no…" I say walking over to him placing my hands on either side of his face turning him to look at me, "God please know that I don't regret that Lucas, I don't I would never." I tell him shaking my head, "It's not about that I promise."

"Then what is it about Brooke? Because all you do is tell me how much you care for me. Well when does that caring turn into love? When will you if ever be able to tell me you love me too and figure out everything that you are feeling?"

"I don't know ok I just…maybe I just need time to figure it all out I mean to breathe some or something." I say but regret how my words come out regret how they sound like I want to end us because I don't I just need time to think.

"Fine." He says leaning his forehead against mine, "I guess I will give you time to do whatever it is you want to do."

"Lucas I'm sorry." I tell him as a few tears fall, "I...I do care about you Lucas." I tell him as he wipes one of my tears, "I just need to figure everything out. There is just so much going on." I try to reason.

"And I guess breaking up with me just takes away one thing." he sighs closing his eyes.

"Lucas…" I cry but he just kisses me on my forehead, "Bye Brooke." He whispers walking out of the room shutting the door and I cry.

"Rachel…" my voice cracks into my phone.

"_Oh my god Brooke what's wrong?_"

"We…" my voice breaks and more tears come because I know it's true, I was a coward who ran and because of it, "We broke up."

* * *

**Sorry for not updating sooner... please review and look for my other stories to be updated very soon :)**

**Best friend little sister will probably be the end of today or in the morning I promise and then Not Expecting You sooner after before this weekend I am sure and then Wasn't Expecting will be just as soon. Thanks for being patient and reading!**

**Please Review :)**


	21. Chapter 21

_Stupid, that would be the best word to describe me. I am the stupidest person you will ever meet and you want to know why? Because he said I love you and I told him I needed space._

_Now do I really need space, no I don't. I just don't want him around saying I love you when for some reason I can't say it back to him. This whole not saying it so I won't get hurt is bullshit because I am hurting. I am hurting bad and over the past week I have felt sick without him. He came over the other day to hang out with Aiden, to make sure he was ok and stuff. They played video games and Aiden laughed and was happy but I wasn't here to see that. _

_I left like a coward again because being around him and not being with him is almost too much to handle right now. This whole thinking thing is hard. This whole trying to figure out if I love him or not because my heart I think is telling me I do, it is telling me these feelings are love but my head is telling me my heart is nuts for thinking that and not to be stupid._

_I don't know which one to believe but I do know I wish they would both agree. They would both just settle on one of the choices and be happy but they aren't and this back and forth my heart and mind are doing is making me crazy._

_I haven't talked to Haley or Rachel much the past week mainly because I don't want to explain why me and Lucas broke up. They know we are over but not the details and I don't want to tell them it was because I freaked by his words and ran. Ran as fast as I could in the comfort of my home and away from the world. _

_Well everyone but David who called me earlier yelling I need to get out of the damn house. Told me it is not healthy just sitting around all day moping because I made a decision and I have to stick with it. And if I regret it do something about it. Because he will not let me sit around and cry and bitch about everything._

_David is always one for honesty._

_I miss him. Miss him so much its making me crazy but I just don't know if he is missing me. Rachel said he hasn't been over the past week when Nathan comes and sometimes on those nights I just want to go over to his apartment and see him, kissing him, tell him I'm sorry and I miss him so much. But I know he will want me to tell him that I love him. And I don't want to run to him until I know that feeling is what I feel because I won't play with him like that just won't._

_He called the other day and it was the most uncomfortable conversation I have ever had with him. There were so many awkward pauses and rambles and stutters I felt like I was a child giving a speech in school in front of the whole class. Even over the phone my palms were sweaty and heart raced, my mouth was dry and I think I bit the inside of my cheek so much that I made it bleed._

_He asked how I was doing, asked how everyone was doing and I just told him good. I didn't tell him that I was terrible, sat around all day crying like a baby and the other day when I was cleaning my room found one of his jackets he let me borrow and cried again. I didn't tell him I missed him. Wish I did but I didn't._

_He told me he didn't know why he called, wasn't sure why he just wanted to talk to me and I told him I understood. He asked if I still had a lot going on and I know that just meant was I ready to tell him I loved him but for the life of me I don't know why those three little words make me run faster than anything._

_Maybe it's because I have never seen an actual relationship work. Every relationship where someone falls in love I see them get hurt. My mom fell in love twice and neither time did she ever marry him, and she has been married twice. She tells me how she stills loves this guy so much and I think that's what scares me. _

_She is in so much pain and she is in love, she loves someone and is in pain that kills me. Then it kills me even more because if she is feeling this way because she isn't with the person she loves is that what Lucas has been feeling all week? Is that the pain he is going through? Or has he realized over the past week that he was wrong he didn't love me. He cares about me but doesn't actually love me._

_Haley's birthday is in two weeks and I need to get her a present just don't really want to. Well I didn't want to until David called telling me to get dressed because he was going to take me to the mall to get a present. He is being really sweet to me about all this but at the same time kind of an ass since he doesn't tell me what I want to hear tells me what is the truth and I need to hear._

_But anyways I guess I better go get dressed David will be here soon._

I do my makeup and fix my hair. I grab my jeans and pull on one of my black t-shirts. It's kind of cold outside and just because I want to I grab Lucas's jacket. It's nothing big, just a black zip up jacket, its warm so very warm and I love it mainly because it's Lucas's but also because of how comfortable it is. The night he gave it to me was a good night.

_Flashback_

_I should have thought this through before we went out tonight. When we started this walk on the beach it was warm, even for early January it was warm but now as the sun goes down the cold is picking up. We walked the beach and now just sitting on the beach watching the water._

"_Your cold." Lucas states as he sits in the sand with me leaning up my back against his chest._

"_No I am not." I lie pulling my legs closer to my body and I know he can see me let out a small shiver._

"_You are such a liar." He laughs easing back on his back and turning me around in his arms so I am lying on top of him. He unzips his jacket and I snuggle close to him as he zips me up in it with him, and then leaning up kissing me. "Better?"_

"_Much." I smile loving the warmth of his body against mine and the warmth of his jacket._

"_You're so beautiful." He whispers squeezing his arms tight around my body._

"_No I'm not." I blush some and wonder why he always tells me that because I don't believe it's true. I don't believe I am beautiful. Do I think I am ugly no but not beautiful or gorgeous or any other word Lucas uses to describe me._

"_Yes you are." He smiles kissing me, "You are so beautiful and you are all mine." He mumbles into my lips making me let out a small smile._

"_Your right about one thing." I smile "I am definitely all yours." I whisper before pushing my lips back against his and feeling him smile this time as he flips us over in the sand. He pulls back for a second and gives me a look, one I can't read and one I don't know but then that look disappears as he shakes his head and just kisses me again._

_Flashback Over_

I wonder if he was going to tell me that night. I wonder if he was going to say I love you that's why he got that look. I didn't know that a week or so later we would be broken up; when I said I was his I meant it. But now that I think about it, now that I picture his face that night I am more than sure he was going to say I love you but the nerves got the best off him and he didn't. Just like all the other times, at Brady's, at his apartment. He got the same look and the nerves got the best of him every time, well until Rachel's house then the nerves still almost got the best of him.

God what is wrong with me. He was so nervous and freaked out to tell me and I just did what I did. I froze, I put off talking about it and then when he repeats it I freaking break up with him, tell him I need space and time. I am so screwed up.

I don't deserve him; I don't deserve him loving me or any of it.

"Brooke, David is here." Kylee says walking into my room and I just nod as she sits on my bed, "Are you sure going out with him is a good idea?" she questions as I run my brush one last time through my hair.

"We aren't like going out, going out we are going to get a present for Haley. I don't really see what the big deal with that is." I ask somewhat annoyed since when I told my mom and the boys earlier I was going out with David they gave me the same is that a good idea speech.

"I know but what about Lucas?" Kylee sighs and I turn to look at her. I know she liked Lucas he was always so sweet to her and I know she doesn't want me hurting him. I also know she doesn't want me hurting and I know she has seen me cry over him but I just don't think she understands the fear I have with him.

"Lucas…" I sigh with a pause, "Lucas and I broke up." I tell her grabbing my vanilla perfume then frown looking at it. Lucas loved my vanilla perfume he always said how good I smelled and even the scent makes me think of him, ugh everything makes me think of him.

"But you miss him." she says and I just nod, "Then what's the problem what happened?"

"Nothing. I just have things going on. Things I need to figure out." I say shaking my head of all my thoughts slipping on my flip flops and grabbing my purse.

"Brooke…"

"Look Ky I love you I do but I don't want to talk about it ok. I don't want to explain it all and I don't want to talk about Lucas and me breaking up. I don't want to talk about how much I miss him. I don't want to talk about any of it. Right now I just want to go out with my friend get Haley a present then come home ok?" I snap not meaning to because I am not mad at her I just am so tired of people saying this to me and I am so tired of not knowing all the feelings I am feeling inside I am just tired of it all.

"I'm sorry." Kylee frowns looking down.

"Sorry I am not upset with you I just…I'm just going to go." I tell her walking out of my room and out the front door before anyone else can say anything. "Ugh!" I growl climbing into David's car.

"Well you look like you are thrilled to be hanging out with me." David teases and I crack a small smile.

"Sorry just tired." I tell him and he just nods as we head to the mall.

The ride is actually fun, David is making jokes and making me laugh. It's a real laugh and I am so glad to finally be laughing for real again. David is such a great friend to me and I really glad we have become so close over the last few years.

Walking around the mall is fun again. We have been shopping for about an hour and have failed completely at finding anything but the truth is I am actually just really enjoying being with David. I feel like we lost touch some and I have really enjoyed catching up with him.

"Thanks for getting me out of the house D." I smile over at him as we walk.

"Of course I wasn't going to let you sit around and cry." He says laughing and I just nod, "I know you are hurting B. I know what it's like not being with the person you care about but it does get better." He smiles as we stop and I just look down at the floor, "Hey…" he smiles lifting my chin, "No tears. You are out with me you can't be sad."

"Your right I'm sorry." I laugh sniffing some and wiping the tear that dared to burn in my eye.

"Don't be sorry, nothing to be sorry about. Just smile." He smiles pointing at his and I just laugh nodding as he grabs my arm "Come on let's try this store." He says pulling me into Victoria Secret.

"David I am not going to buy Haley something from here." I laugh, "I would have no clue what to buy her and on top of that it would be more of a gift for Nate then her."

"True but if you make Nathan happy I am more than sure he will make Haley happy." He smirks.

"God David you are so dumb." I laugh smacking him on the arm.

"Well since we are here why not look for something for you?" he grins over at me and I shake my head no. "Oh come on there isn't something you would like. You could even try it on for me" he teases and I roll my eyes "Like I don't know this..." he smirks grabbing a black lace teddy.

"David!" I squeal grabbing it from him, "Trust me you would never see me in something like that." I laugh throwing it back on the counter.

"Yeah I don't think you would let anyone see you in that." he laughs walking away and I let out a nervous laugh since he clearly doesn't know the only person I would ever let see me in something like that would be Lucas. Lucas is the only person ever to see me in just my bra and panties, and definitely the only person to ever see me naked, but David doesn't know that. David doesn't have a clue and right now I am not going to clear up his confusion. "So what you think maybe something like…" David trails off as he looks through a rack.

"Brookie?" I hear someone say turning to see Nathan, but not just Nathan but Lucas by his side and now I feel sick.

"Umm…uh hey." I stutter as Nathan walks over hugging me.

"What you doing here? Haley isn't here with you is she?" he asks pulling out of our hug. "Because I am shopping for her and don't want her to see anything."

"Umm…no she isn't here." I tell him looking at Lucas who gives me a small sad smile, one that I return then look at the ground, until I feel David place his hand on my back making me jump.

"Hey Nate, hey Lucas." David smiles.

"David." they both say and I see Lucas narrow his eyes on him and I quickly make sure he knows we aren't here together, I mean we are but we aren't like _together._

"We are looking for Haley's birthday present also." I tell them quickly.

"Here?" Lucas questions looking around the store then again at David's hand that is still on my lower back and I step to the side making it fall.

"Yeah it was just a joke at first. More of a gift for you Nate." David says making Nathan laugh.

"Well I wouldn't complain. Maybe I could just pick out what I want to see her in and then you all get it." He teases and David again laughs but I don't laugh. Not because I think it's dumb or not funny but because I am too busy just staring at Lucas who has this look. One that says first I want to knock the shit out of David and the second he wants to be with me. Wants to fix what we are doing and just be together.

"Yeah I tried to get Brooke to pick out something maybe even try it on but she is just being her normal sweet innocent self." David teases "Saying I wouldn't let anyone see me in that." in his fake my voice and I just laugh nervously tossing a nervous glance at Lucas who just looks down away from me.

"Aww Brookie don't be embarrassed." Nathan jokes taking his hand giving me a small pat on my hip and Lucas just punches him in the shoulder with a glare. Nathan turns to look at him and gives him a look that looks like it says sorry, but I'm not really sure.

"I..I didn't say no one." I corrected nervously and look up at Lucas who finally cracks a small smile "I umm…I just said I would never let _you_ see me in something like that." I tell him.

"Ouch." David mocks hurt placing his hand on his chest making Nathan and even Lucas let out a small laugh. But I think Lucas's was more for the fact I just told David he wouldn't see me in something like that which is true he wouldn't. But now we are all standing here awkwardly and making me very uncomfortable.

"You know," I finally say and they all look at me "I am really umm…thirsty." I say quickly "You all talk or whatever and I will…uhh…find you in a bit David."

"Well you want me to come with you?" David asks and I know that would make since, since we did come here together but I just need to get away, just need time to breath alone.

"No…no I'm fine. I'll just umm…" I trail off looking at Lucas and then Nathan then back at David, "Uh…yeah." I say walking past them and just away from them.

* * *

Sitting here I just stir my straw in my cup thinking. Leaning my chin on my hand I let out a sigh blowing a piece of hair out of my face. I pull my phone out seeing a text from Haley asking what was up. I just close my phone sticking it back in my jacket pocket and quickly realizing I am still wearing Lucas's jacket. I am still wearing it and he saw me wearing it.

"Stupid Brooke." I mumble to myself sipping on my drink and finishing it. I stand up throwing it away and feel my whole body quiver when I feel to arms wrap around my waist from behind, but not quiver because I am afraid someone is holding me because I know who it is. And knowing he is holding me I can't help but let my body fall back into him. "Luke." I whisper and he buries his face in my hair and neck as I let my hand reach up holding onto the back of his head, running my fingers through his hair.

"How'd you know it was me?" he questions.

"I always know when it's you." I say feeling him tighten his grip and nod in my neck.

"I miss you." he confesses kissing my neck softly and I can't help but spin in his arms and hugging him. Wrapping my arms tight around his neck and he just tightens his grip on my waist. "Baby I miss you so much." He tells me again kissing my neck and I squeeze him tighter closing my eyes to stop myself from crying again.

"I'm not here with David." I whisper to him and feel him nod, "He was just helping me get a gift for Haley." I say and he pulls out of our hug but keeping his hands on my sides.

"You couldn't have asked Rachel, or Kylee or I don't know someone not David." he asks a little annoyed.

"Lucas he is my friend. He is like my best friend." I defend.

"A best friend who clearly wants more." He growls dropping his hands.

"No he doesn't." I argue slightly annoyed to have this talk yet again.

"Yeah and the fact he has the need to constantly touch you when I am around means nothing."

"David doesn't see me like that and also he has been really good to me the last week or so." I say but quickly regret it when he looks at me annoyed.

"I would have been there for you Brooke if you didn't break up with me." he hisses and I just look down, "I guess I don't really get why you need space, you need to figure things out but you are just spending time with David. Yeah you really need alone time." he growls walking away from me.

"Lucas wait," I call following him and grabbing his hand "Please." I ask again turning him to face me. "Look David…"

"Don't explain." He interrupts shaking his head to stop me, "No need to we aren't together you can really hang out and do what you want."

"Lucas please stop. I swear it's not like that." I tell him again shaking my head and for reason's I don't even know slipping my hand in his. "He is just… I don't know ok."

"Not my place to know anymore." He shrugs, "But not my place or not, I don't trust him. I don't trust anything about him and I don't trust him around you." he tells me and I just nod not sure what he wants me to say "I love you Brooke and I get you don't love me…"

"Lucas…" I sigh placing resting my forehead against his chest; once again feeling the tears burn.

"No its ok," he says but it's not ok none of this is ok, "But even with it all I just want you being careful with him." he sighs lifting my head off his chest to look at me.

"Lucas I swear its…"

"Nothing I know." he says but I don't think he does know. I don't care about David like that I really am trying to figure out all my feelings for him not David, never David.

"I have no feelings for him." I finally say and see him nod.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me. We aren't together anymore." He sighs and I let a small tear fall, "Bye Pretty Girl." He sighs kissing my forehead softly and walking away, walking away and again leaving me in tears.

* * *

**Please review :D**


	22. Chapter 22

**How amazingly cartwheel happy are you with this update?...I was surprised I got more reviews last chapter since they haven't been that high but then I got a little more last chapter then usual even if it was just one or two more...I felt happy hehe....**

**But also I wanted to say that for anyone who reads this story and my Not Expecting That story I will have that updated maybe today or tomorrow because that also got a lot of reviews and just made me feel like I needed to do a better job on updating that story because well I have been sucking haha...My county had a snow day today and because the snow sucked I got off work hence the fast updates, well and the reviews I love you all for.**

**Also I want to thank you all for your reviews...Like I know you all get frustrated with Brooke but thanks for telling me even with the wanting to kill Brooke for being dumb you get it and the way I wrote it was understandable and not for drama filled because Idk I read a lot of stories with just him saying or her saying I love you and it being a perfect romance movie like scene yet we all know that doesn't always happen. Sometimes you hear those words and run faster then anyone else...You feel stupid once you realize it but it does happen because love is scary and I also think that word gets thrown around way to much now a days!**

**So thank you for that..you all are seriously loyal reviewers and if it wasn't for ya'll sticking around every chapter even though I LOVE this story (why idk since everyone seems to like my others better) but I really love this story and since I understand some parts of it really well, a little to well sadly, it comes easy to writing for me so thank you all so very much!!!!**

**I love you 3**

**Well sorry for the rambling!!**

**Enjoy :D**

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_I haven't talked to Lucas in what feels like forever, but in reality it's only been about three days. After the mall I felt myself break completely and my heart shatter and I know why that is. It's because I love him. God I am completely in love with him and it makes me so angry that I was this dumb, this stupid and when he said those words to me I froze. I froze like a fool and let the feel of getting hurt and left get in the way._

_He promised not to hurt me, he promised not to leave and when I really look at it he kept that promise, he didn't leave me. He hurt me but only because I was stupid and scared. I hurt him, I left him and I want to fix it. I want to make it better but I just…I just don't know how._

_I said I wouldn't go over to his house unless I could say it back. I said I wouldn't rush over to him unless I would let myself be able to kiss him, tell him how I felt because I wouldn't play with him like that. Yet I know now I am not playing. I am being honest and I am telling the boy I love, I love him._

_I am nervous, really nervous because I don't know if he wants to see me. If he wants to talk to me or anything but I feel he does. He said a few days ago he loved me so his feelings couldn't have changed that fast. _

_I am dressed to go see him, I am just in my jeans and a t-shirt with of course his jacket to keep me warm and I am sitting on my bed writing this. I should be in the car to go see him but I am not because I am trying to get my nerves to go away right now._

_So just taking a few breaths, just calming myself and just relaxing. I think I should call first to see if he is there. Or should I not? Should I just show up? Maybe he just doesn't want me showing up at his apartment or anything, maybe I should call._

_Hmm…I think I am once again thinking too much. Yet I kind of have an idea of what is going to happen. I told my mom I am going over to Rachel's, but I am actually just going to go over. Tell him how much he means to me, that I love him and I am sorry. I will tell him I take full responsibility for it all and I hope he forgives me. Then I will kiss him and he will say he loves me too. _

_And as cliché as it all sounds and so overly movie like, I hope he takes me back into his apartment and for the first time officially make love. Then for the rest of the night just lay in the arms of the boy I love._

_I think my nerves are almost most all gone, well as gone as they are going to be so I am going to head off and do this thing._

_Wish me luck._

Crawling off my bed I head into the living room, "Hey momma I am heading out." I tell her walking over to give her a kiss.

"Ok are you staying the night or what?"

"Umm…I'm not sure." I lie, and feel somewhat guilty by it but still the thought of seeing Lucas pretty much takes over the feeling of guilty, "I may just watch a movie hang out some and come home." I shrug grabbing my purse.

"Alright well just let me know." she says and I just nod grabbing my keys and walking out.

"Bye guys." I call and hear many faint byes as I climb into my car.

My heart is racing so fast I think I maybe sick. I am actually more nervous he won't be there and if he isn't I will lose my nerve to tell him again. Slowly I look up at the road then glance over at my purse digging for my cell phone and pulling it out.

I see I have a missed call but it's from Rachel so I quickly call her back first.

"_Hello?_"

"Hey Rach you call?" I ask as I switch lanes.

"_Yeah I was just calling you back. I saw you called earlier but I was in the shower, so what's up?_"

"Oh I was just going to say if my mom or anyone asks I am at your house tonight."

"_Oh gotcha. Well then where are you going then?_" _Rachel asks with a smile._

"I was actually going over to Lucas's. I just need to talk to him. I just…" I trail off not really wanting to explain what it all is, "I just miss him." I settle on.

"_Well then have fun, be careful and let me know how the makeup sex is." she teases._

"Ok well I am just going to ignore that little comment and let you know if I have my boyfriend back later." I laugh and feel my heart race as I inch closer.

"_Ok well love you talk to you later girlie._"

"You too." I say hanging up and hitting my speed dial, to call him. It rings once, it rings twice and still no answer, "Please answer." I almost beg to myself and feel my heart spot when I hear a pause but realizing it's just his voice mail.

'_Hey you reached Lucas's cell I can't come to the phone right now so leave me a message._'

I wait nervously thinking if I should leave a message or not and after I hear the beep and after a small pause I decided to, "Hey it's me…" my voice whispers and cracks and I pause again like I was waiting for him to say something back, "I just…I miss you and I was going to come by. I mean I don't know if you are home or not. I don't even know if you want me to come by, I mean I hope you do and I don't know I umm… I don't know." I ramble and I really don't know what I am supposed to be saying because I am not going to tell him I love him in a voice mail. "Well I guess I will come by and if you're not there then, then I guess just call me later or come by when you're free or I just hope your home. Bye Broody." I sigh hanging up as I drive down the road.

Lucas's place isn't too far from mine. I mean it's not down the street but it's not far. It's only about a 30 minute drive and it's actually a real nice apartment I really like it there. I have spent many nights there since we have been together even when we weren't doing anything. I would just go over tell my family I was with Rachel, and spend the day or even the weekend with him and it was just enjoyable. Just hanging out with him and being happy and content. Just watching a movie and falling asleep with him on the couch. The feeling by him holding me was pretty amazing and I should have known then that I loved him.

"I'm so stupid." I mumble to myself as I pull in and smile when I see his car here but then sad since he didn't answer, and he didn't call me back. But I honestly think he would call me back if he got my message so I am just going to believe he didn't get it.

Nervously I walk up the stairs to his apartment and when I reach the door, I let out a long breath before knocking. I feel like I have been waiting forever for him to answer, I check back over the railing looking to make sure that is his car and again it upsets me that he may just not want to see me. I check my phone no missed call so after a few minutes without a knock I turn the handle to find it's unlocked.

Now I know maybe it's wrong to just enter his place but it's not like I haven't done this a million times. I mean he may just be in the shower or something, "Luke?" I call walking into the apartment. It's actually a large apartment, he has two bedrooms because Nate stays her sometimes, he has one bathroom, and then you know the normal kitchen, living room. When you first enter you enter into like a small hallway that leads down with his room off the hall along with the one Nathan stays in when he just needs to get away and then a closet, at the end of the hall you go down like three small steps into his living room and his kitchen is connected.

I love this apartment.

I hear some laughing as I walk down the hall but stop dead in my tracks when I hear a voice I don't recognize.

"Luke stop please stop I'm sorry ok, I'm sorry." I hear someone laugh, someone who I don't know and someone who has a voice way to high to be a guys.

"Nope I don't think so; I told you not to make fun of me." he laughs and it almost hurts to hear him laugh because he hasn't laughed in awhile. Well I haven't heard him laugh in awhile but then the thought someone else is making him laugh, making him smile and that someone else is a girl, I feel my heart break completely.

"Ok I am sorry I promise, I was just kidding." She says.

"I don't care Ais you were being mean." he chuckles and when I hear it I feel my breath get caught in my throat. Ais? As in Aislinn, his ex Aislinn is here and in his apartment. I don't want to know what she looks like; I really don't want to know how gorgeous some girl he use to date is. I just want to leave and act like I wasn't here, but I can't. I know I can't because the curiosity of it all is taking over and when I finally peer around the corner I see them.

I see her.

She is gorgeous. She is beyond gorgeous and it makes me feel like I would never compare to this girl. She looks to be about my height, her hair is like a dark, dark brown. So brown it almost looks black but it's not and its long, its flows like silk down her shoulders, and to the middle of her back. Her body is model like and I am not talking about the models on America's Next Top Model you know the ones with like no curves or boobs, or butt she is like a damn Victoria Secret model body and that pisses me off because I know I don't even compare to that. She is perfect, her makeup, her hair, her body everything about her is perfect.

What also is perfect is her smile, her smile that is on her face because of Lucas. My Lucas, well he used to be my Lucas. He was until I froze up but I don't want to be frozen anymore, I want to tell him but as I stand here watching them wrestling on the couch, wrestling like we use to do, laughing like we use too. I think I shouldn't have come.

"Ok ok truce." Aislinn laughs and I watch. I watch as Lucas stops tickling her and I watch as she lies underneath him both breathing heavily and both just staring at each other and I watch as she slowly moves her lips towards his. I watch it all, and as I watch as he somewhat tenses up by her then he gives in. His hand is on the side of her cheek and hers are wrapped around his back and I quickly question why I am even here.

I step back to leave because I can't be here, I shouldn't be here but my luck being well mine I stumble back into his chair by his desk making it squeak and them to jump apart both staring at me. "Brooke…" he barely says and I just stare at him, I stare at him not believing this just happened, and then I am not believing it because I know, I know it's my fault. If I just said it back sooner, he wouldn't be here with her, she wouldn't be here with him but…but what if she was?

I just shake my head at him, I just shake my head and stare at them but I don't move; I stand dead. I stand dead watching them, watch her with her arms around him looking at me clearly confused and him still laying there on top of her.

But as soon as he moves, as soon as he moves to get off her and moves towards me I take off. I take off down the hall and towards the front door. "Damn it." I hear him curse and can almost see him chasing after me, "Brooke wait!" he yells, but I don't wait. I don't stop, I just run out his apartment and down the stairs as fast as I can; trying to catch my breath and hold in the damn sob I feel building in my throat.

"Brooke please stop!" he yells again but I can't stop, I can't turn and look at him because I really don't know what I would actually say to him. He told me not even a week ago he loved me, he said I love you and now he is kissing that girl. That girl he promised he was over, well to me it just looked like he wasn't even close to being over her. "Brooke!" he calls again but this time reaching me and grabbing my hand spinning me to look at him, "God baby that…that wasn't…damn it" he curses clearly not even sure himself how to explain this, "That… I'm sorry that was a mistake that wasn't supposed to happen." he tells me wiping my tears but I just shake my head at him because I can't speak because I know when I do I will completely break down here.

I turn shaking my head and pulling myself out of his grasp and heading again towards my car.

"Baby please stop!" he again yells grabbing me.

"Don't touch me!" I snap finally getting something out, I might have choked it out but I got it out and now I feel the pain, the anger, and every other emotion I am feeling take over. Yet him being Lucas doesn't listen to me, he doesn't let me go like I snapped instead he just places his hands on my sides pulling my body into his and no matter how much I squirm to get out he just pulls me closer and harder into him.

"I'm sorry I don't…I don't know what happened ok." he tells me and I just shake my head as a new set of tears form, "Baby please, please say something." he begs but I feel my whole body crumbling in his arms and when I look up at to where his apartment is and see _her_ looking at us I can't say what I came here to say because now I don't think I was right, what I was feeling wasn't right. "Brooke why are you here?" he whispers to me, and when he knows I won't say anything he repeats it, "Brooke tell me why are you here?"

"I'm not here." I finally say, "I'm not here for you I was here because…" I trail off trying to find something to say, trying to keep my voice laced with anger and keeping it cold, trying to make it emotionless because I will not let it be filled with pain, I won't.

"Because what?" he questions brushing my hair behind my ear and I am cursing myself for being so powerless to his damn touch. For not pushing him away from me, making him remove his hands from my body and getting him to just leave me the hell alone, so I can get the hell out of here fast. "Why you here Brooke?" he repeats and I know he knows my first trail off was a lie that I couldn't come up with an answer and I hate him for that. I hate him for kissing her and I hate him for making me feel everything I am feeling inside.

"To officially end us." I finally say and lie and feel his hands slip from my body. "I needed…" I start but my voice cracks and I can't say whatever the hell was going to come out.

"You're lying." He says stepping a step back from me, looking shocked and hurt and everything else. I want to say of course I am lying, of course that's not why I came here and you should know that, if you love me and know me like you say you do; you should know I am lying but I don't say that, I just shake my head and curse when I let more tears come. I let out a small sob that I quickly try to cover by placing my hand over my mouth but he hears it. I know he does because then that hurt he just felt I see is replaced with something else, something like hope I don't know. He just steps towards me again and placing his hands on my hips and grabbing my pant loops pulling me back into him.

"Lucas please let go of me." I am almost begging placing my hands on top of his trying to get him to let go of my jeans but he just holds tighter and yanking me hard into him.

"Stop lying to me Brooke! Why are you here?" he repeats and this time his voice is angry and put off with me lying, and with me not telling him the answer.

"I'm…I'm not lying." I mumble out looking down.

"Yes you are." He argues and I just shake my head no, "Yes you are. If you came here for that you wouldn't have cried, or be crying. You wouldn't have ran away from me and you wouldn't be looking down or away or anywhere but my eyes. If you came here end us officially you wouldn't have come at all, you would have just never spoken to me again, you wouldn't have come here saw that." he yells throwing his hand up at the apartment, "and ran away from me. And you wouldn't be shaking in my arms right now."

"I'm not doing that." I protest but he knows I am lying.

"You have my jacket." He smiles.

"I was bringing it back, we aren't together I don't need it." I barely whisper not looking up at him.

"You wouldn't have worn it Brooke." He says and I know he is right on that one, but it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter anymore, why I came over doesn't matter, why I am wearing his damn jacket doesn't matter and why I am crying doesn't matter. None of it matters anymore.

"Lucas let me go please!" I plead again wiggling but again he just yanks me into him but this time when he does his lips crash into mine, they crash hard and he is kissing me hard and I don't even have a chance to stop him before his tongue is in my mouth and his arms have moved from my jeans but now are just on my back wrapped tight around me and I again hate him for doing that. I hate that I place my hands on his cheeks pulling him closer to me as we lean against my car and I hate that I feel him smile in our kiss, I hate all of it.

"You wouldn't have kissed me back." he smiles pulling out of our kiss, "I love you Brooke." He tells me again and this is how it was supposed to go. I was supposed to come over here, he was supposed to kiss me and tell me he loved me but he wasn't supposed to kiss _her._ And when I look at him I know he knows that's why I came over and when I look up I see her again staring at us and the only image I see now is the two of them.

"No you don't." I whisper keeping my eyes locked on her and he turns looking over his shoulder at her sighing and shaking his head it her.

"That was a mistake, god it was such a mistake." He whispers leaning his forehead against mine.

"So was me coming here." I whisper back pulling out of his arms and open my car but watch his arms fall to his sides and his head hangs down. "Your girlfriend is waiting for you." I say trying to sound all tough and unhurt but knowing I am failing terribly at it.

"My girlfriend is right here." he says looking up and locking eyes with me and for a second I almost jump in his arms, but only for a second.

"No she's not." I choke out, "We're done Lucas, I'm…I'm done." I get out before climbing into my car shutting the door and sitting there as tears fall.

I see him in my rearview mirror sitting on his steps with his head in his hands and I also see Aislinn walk down those steps and sit next to him. I see her try to rub his back and I see as soon as she touches him he gets up and walks off, walks away from her and I want to say that made me somewhat happy but it doesn't. Nothing about what has taken place tonight has made me happy or feel any better.

So I leave.

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**See now you all can't hate just Brooke so Ha!! lol jk**

**Review :D**


	23. Chapter 23

_I wish I wasn't so stupid and that I didn't go over to his house last night. I feel so unbelievable stupid and on top of that my mind is racing to what happened after I left. Maybe he did walk away from her when I left but what happened when he went home because I know he had to at some point and I know she was there._

_Why the hell did I think I was actually in love?_

_I was so wrong I was not even close because love shouldn't make you feel like this. It shouldn't make you feel like your heart has been ripped out of your chest and you shouldn't feel like your world is crashing completely around you. _

_I have never felt a pain quite like this before. I have never felt like I just want to cry all the time. Even when things were bad before Lucas I never cry like I do now. How could he kiss her? How could he let her be over at his house and how could he be with her like that, like he didn't even care about me at all._

_I guess at one point I did kiss Shane but all that was so different. I didn't tell Lucas I loved him and plus I don't know if we were really together at the time but with Aislinn, with Aislinn it's different. The way he held her was like how he held me, the way his body laid on top of hers and the way he breathed all heavy like he was nervous about everything. When I think about all those things I think about when we first ever sleep together._

_He cupped my cheek just like that; his breath was heavy just like that night and I swear he gave her the look he gave me that night. Maybe it was my mind thinking about it too much. Maybe I pictured him giving her that look but what if I didn't? What if the boy I thought I loved gave some other girl the look he gave me? The one look that made my heart race and feel so amazing that night. What if he gave her that look?_

_I hate this feeling, I don't like it at all and I want to stop feeling this pain. I want to forget it all. I want to forget seeing them kiss, feeling these feelings I thought I felt and there is a small, very small but still a part of me that just wants to forget about Lucas._

_A part of me wants to rewind to six months ago before I met Lucas Scott because even though I was not completely happy all those months back but I was happier then I am now. I didn't feel the pain I feel now. Now am I saying there was no pain? No not at all I felt pain but it was nothing like this, the pain doesn't even compare to this pain._

_The feeling of not being with him again, kissing him again or having him hold me again. The thought of not being able to tell him what I went to say last night hurts even worse even if I think I was wrong feeling it._

_It sucks to think my first time out, my first time actually having a boyfriend and actually opening myself up to Lucas the way I did I get bit. I get bit hard and deep and that just sucks._

_Coming home last night was just terrible. I came in tears streaming down my face and my whole face was red and puffy and I ran past everyone as fast as I could and when they asked what was wrong I just told them I was fine just wanted to come home and not stay out, but they all knew it was something else._

_Kylee came into my room climbing on my bed next to me. She didn't speak; she didn't ask what was wrong she just let me lay my head in her lap as I cried. She ran her hands through my hair and she never once tried to get me to talk. I loved her for that._

_She went out of my room and got a big carton of ice cream, chocolate chip my favorite of course, and we watched a movie as I would sniffle but again she didn't question anything because she knew that once I was ready to open up to her I would._

_I have been in my room most of today, the kids went to school, mom went to work and the boys just left me alone. I just want to be left alone. He called me about ten times since I left his apartment. Most of them were just rambles, begging me to call him back, begging me to talk to him and begging me to understand how sorry he was but I haven't called him back._

_If I feel this much pain then I can't imagine what I will feel if I hear his voice again. I don't want to hear his voice right now and I don't know when I will want to again._

_I think I hear Tony calling me, they had dinner earlier and Kylee tried to bring me some but I wasn't hungry so she just took it away. I bet he is calling me to yell at me about not eating. About me to stop moping I don't know what he wants but he won't stop calling me so I guess I will go check and see._

With a long growl I climb out of my bed and walk into the living room to find all the boys. Not just Jay and Tony, but also Nash and Heath and I guess what he was calling me for is because tonight is Thursday and once again they are going to try to get me to go.

"B you need to come tonight." Tony all but orders me and I really don't like the look he is giving me.

"I don't need to do anything." I say crossing my arms tight over my chest and just stare at them all. They all stare at me and I really hate all the weird looks.

"You need to come Brooke." Jay says in a calmer tone and I turn to look at him.

"Is he going to be there?" I ask meaning Lucas because I know he meets them all the time and I know also that he will assume I will be there so will definitely come tonight.

"He is our friend too Brooke. If we want to hang out with him we can." Tony says almost annoyed.

"Fine, hang out with him, but don't expect me to be there." I shrug walking past them to the kitchen.

"I don't get why you are mad at him Brooke because if I remember you broke up with him." Jay argues and that pissed me off.

"You don't know anything Jason!" I hiss slamming the fridge.

"No but I do." Tony says looking at me "I know what was said and I know what you did. I know what freaked you out and I know why you broke up with him." he says locking eyes on me and I see everyone else look at us confused to what he is talking about.

"Other things have happened Tony." I sigh looking down. Maybe he does know about the I love you part he doesn't know about the whole thing that happened last night. No one knows about that.

"Well why not come tonight and talk to him." Nash suggests and I just shake my head no.

"Why Brooke? What happened with you two?" Heath asks.

"Nothing Heath, nothing happened we just didn't work out. We are just not meant to be and I really can't get over him if I am seeing him." I shrug and that is all true. How am I supposed to get over the guy when he is around me? It's simple I can't and that is the one thing I really need to do. And I watch as everyone's face is about to object so I just cut them all off before they can "I promised I would hang with Kylee tonight anyways. Nash is fine to drive you all so have fun." I tell them quickly as I brush past them and to my room and falling on my bed laying still until I hear the front door shut and I know they are gone.

I look over at my phone knowing I still have a voicemail from Lucas I haven't listen too. I know I shouldn't listen to it, I know it will just upset me but for some reason I can't stop myself for reaching for my phone and dialing my voicemail. I type in my password and lay there as it goes through my old voicemails.

The first is from Haley;

"_Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you happy birthday my beautiful best friend. Happy birthday to you. Hey girl just wanted to tell you happy birthday and that I can't wait to go out tonight. Finally 18! Hell yeah. Call me back love you bye._"

I laugh at the voicemail being sung all in tune by my best friend and hitting save going to my next one being from Kylee;

"_Well hello my big sister. You know I don't know why you have a damn cell phone when you never answer it. Call me back skank I want to tell you something._"

I again laugh at that one, god I remember calling her back to have her ramble for about an hour about some guy in her class just to walk in the door, still talking to my on the phone by the way, walking to my room and then hanging up and falling on my bed to finish her story, my sister is nuts.

"_Hey Brooklyn it's me…_" I hear and hit delete before I hear the rest because that is my father and I sure as hell don't need his damn voice in my head.

"_Ok what the hell slut so you like never answer your damn phone. I swear I have called like ten times call me back bitch, I love you._" I hear Rachel's voice echo through my phone as I hit save and sigh at the next one.

"_Hey Pretty Girl it's me," _I hear and feel my eyes get a fresh set of warm tears, "_I was just calling to tell you that I maybe late tonight. I'm sorry I suck I know but something came up with Nate and Dan and I just need to take care of it. I'm sorry and stop rolling your eyes at me I can totally see you doing it. I will see you tonight as soon as I take care of things. Miss you and make sure the boys watch my baby until I get there, I don't need guys all around you. Bye baby._" I smile at that one, I don't want to but I do smile and when I hit the save button and hear the little voice on the line telling me I have one new message I feel my whole body tense waiting for him to talk.

"_Hey it's me…" _I hear him say and it almost hurts how his voice is so different then the message before it's so hurt and sad. Just by his voice I can picture him just lying on his couch staring blankly at the ceiling and like always brooding. I can picture that but then sigh only because I know that is what I am hoping he is doing, well was doing when he left this message, "_I guess this is I don't know…_" he says and I hear him push his lips together an breathing out making a weird noise before continuing, "_I guess this is like my 5__th__ message and I guess by now I realize you aren't going to answer. You aren't going to call me back no matter how much I want you to._" He sighs and I just shake my head trying not to let myself feel bad about everything but every time I start to feel a little guilty by ending things I just see him with _her _and bam guilt gone, _"God baby that wasn't what you think it was. I know what it looked like and I know it hurt you but it was such a mistake. All of it was a mistake and you have to know that. You have to know I meant it when I said I love you."_

"No you didn't._" _I mumble to myself and feeling dumb for arguing with a voicemail.

"_I miss you. I am missing you like crazy and I know that sounds dumb since it's only been a day. We have been only as you put it officially broken up for a day but I do miss you." _he frowns and pausing for a few moments_ "What happened to us?_" he whispers through the phone.

"I don't know." I sigh looking down and falling back on my bed, "I really don't know."

"_I don't understand how we could go from so perfect, to fighting about everything. I don't know if I shouldn't have said I love you or not but I won't take it back Brooke. I am not going to take it back._"

"I don't want you too."

"_I want you back. I want us back and I want everything back. I want to be able to kiss you again, and hold you. I want to see you kinking your eyebrow at me when I say something that makes you laugh, or see you roll your eyes at me when I say something that completely annoys you. I want to feel your soft naked skin against mine again. And I want…I want to get that look on your face last night out of my head. That one look…god I need that look out of my head._" he whispers and I feel a single tear slide out of my eye and land on my bed, "_I hate you said you came over to end us and I hate myself for making you change your reason for being there. I hate myself for kissing her and I hate myself for hurting you. I swear Pretty Girl that I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted you to see that and I never should have let it happen._"

"Your right you shouldn't have." I agree and again feel so very dumb for talking to his voicemail.

"_I keep wishing I could do yesterday all over because I wouldn't have let her come over and I am more than sure I would have woken up to you this morning, woken up with you in my arms. I got your message." _And my heart drops, nice Brooke nice, you say you come over to break up but forget the damn message. Nicely done you dumbass. "_I have listened to it about what feels like a million times and I hate myself again for not seeing you called sooner. Do you still miss me? You said you did but then you said you were just coming over to break up sooo…_" he trails of dragging out so and I quickly realized he knows it too. "_So why did you lie? I mean I know why you lied because of what happened, but you have to believe me when I say I am with you. God baby I don't want anyone else but you. You have to know that._" he sighs "_But I guess since you won't talk to me you don't._"

I hear him whisper into the phone before it goes to silence and it ends. I hear the voice recording tell me to hit 6 to save or 9 to delete; I also hear it say hit 3 to return the call. I want to hit 3 I really want to hit it but as my finger slowly creeps up to the 3 I just hit the 6.

"Ky…" I knock walking into my sister's room finding her lying on her bed writing something.

"Hey B what's up?" she asks as she continues writing and I just shrug nothing as I walk over and sit next to her on the bed and fiddle with a loose string.

"Whatcha writing?" I ask trying to make conversation.

"Oh just a story, it's about these two people who love each other but at the same time hate each other. They fight all the time but everyone knows secretly they are meant to be they are just trying to figure it out." She rambles and I nod as she goes into detail about her story. She is an amazing writer I am actually jealous. "But why did you come in here I know it wasn't to talk about my story." She smirks.

"I just maybe wanted to talk about Lucas."

"Finally!" She says throwing her hands up in the air and putting down her notebook turning to look at me, "I have been waiting for you to talk about it; I mean I need some good drama. You two are like a stupid crazy CW soap." She teases and I just roll my eyes.

"Ky you love those stupid crazy CW soaps." I laugh.

"Yes but not anymore," she shrugs. Kylee was all for watching stupid soap operas all the time, well until they decided to take away her favorite couple and now she hasn't watched that much of the episodes. "I mean seriously why make me fall in love with a couple for _three seasons_ to take them away from me and give me people that look like siblings with no chemistry. Just isn't fair that's all I am saying." She says and I just laugh clearly she is still bitter, "So tell me about the rollercoaster ride which is Brucas." She smiles sitting Indian style on the bed and grinning at me.

"I don't know Ky a lot has happened between us. Some really great and amazing moments that still thinking about it makes me smile." I shrug sadly but smile thinking about the great times, like that time on the beach or just watching movies together. The time he first kissed me after our first fight and then the first time we ever slept together, all those things bring a smile to my face, "But then…" I pause looking down at my hands, "Then there are moments where I seriously hate him for making me feel the way I am feeling. There are moments where I think about them and feel myself break completely."

"Well don't the great times way out the bad?" she questions and I shake my head.

"Not when the bad times are etched in my brain." I say with a dry laugh, "Kylee he told me he loved me." I confess looking at her and see her want to smile but holds it back, "He told me he loved me and I got freaked out and told him I needed time to think. Yet I didn't need time and I was stupid for saying it but then when I go to tell him that I love him back he…" I stop feeling my throat get all the words stuck in it.

"He what? What did he do?"

"I slept with him Ky." I whisper looking down ignoring her question and not even looking at her I see her eye widen, "I slept with him and I don't regret it but I just wonder if I didn't would this hurt as bad as it's hurting?"

"Well umm…" she mumbles searching for her words, "Well what's it like?" she says and I just left out a small laugh.

"Is that really the point here?" I laugh looking at her and see her laugh.

"Yes it is. Well I mean no its not but as your little sister I feel like those are things we talk about." She shrugs, "Plus Lucas is unbelievable hot." She laughs and I laugh.

"Yeah he is." I smile thinking about him.

"So…" she trails off and I look at her, "Tell me!" she orders shaking me making me laugh more.

"Ok ok…" I sit thinking for a second trying to think of something that I could somewhat compare to what it's like, "Ok you know when you're on a roller coaster…" I start.

"A roller coaster really B?"

"Just go with me here ok?" I say and she shrugs and lets me continue. "Ok so you know how at first you are like completely freaked out. I mean your heart is racing and your whole body is like trembling that's how I felt at first. I mean I was completely freaking out and to me the whole ride for it to happen that night was like when you wait for the ride to take off." I tell her and see her nod so I guess some of this is making some since, "But ok then the ride takes off and at first you know it's slow, it's like a steady pace and all and then you reach the top of the first big drop and you get this amazing feeling. Your heart is pounding out of your chest and you feel everything tingle then that slow pace starts to move faster and the faster it goes the more your heart races and you get like this high or something. Your hair falls in your face and with every drop you scream, except with sex, well sex with Lucas it wasn't a scream it was like a long gasp and moan. Then once it's over you think wow." I smile just thinking about being with Lucas, "Like even though the wait was long and forever feeling and then the nerves you feel before it happens all don't seem to matter. Because the end was so worth it. The feeling during it all and then the end when he holds you, when he smiles at you and holds you close to him, hearing his heart race underneath you just knowing you made it race is amazing." I finish and feeling my heart break reliving everything that has happened.

"Well that sounds fun," she grins and I give her a glare saying don't you even think about having sex, "Not that I want to have that fun yet." She says holding up her hands making me laugh shaking my head, "Now in a non creepy way tell me what it's like to be with Lucas. Not the actual sex because I guess I kind of get the rush feeling but I mean just being with Lucas. Like before it happened what was going on and what made you decide and stuff."

"Well it was about a month ago. We had only been together technically for about a month or so and we were kind of flirting with the line of sex." I tell her and she nods and surprisingly this conversation isn't as weird as I thought I mean it's just like talking with Haley or Rachel, because Kylee is really one of my best friends, "But Lucas wouldn't really push it. I mean we would be together and doing well things but he would always stop it and most the time I was glad since I was so scared to have sex. I was like freaked completely about his past girlfriends and just his past sexual partners. Not that I thought he was not safe just that I wouldn't compare you know."

"How many girls has he actually had sex with?" she asks.

"Ky he is 22 almost 23, he was the most popular guy in school, captain of the basketball team, and prom king. He was in college for 4 years and hell look at how amazingly gorgeous he is." I tell her in a little of a duh tone making her laugh.

"Your right probably a lot." She says and I nod mumbling a yeah, "Damn B when you describe him like that I wonder how the hell you got him." she tease.

"Shut up!" I laugh throwing a pillow at her that she catches and laughs but telling me to go on, "Well anyway the night of the Christmas party he asked me to show him around the house…"

"Brooke Davis tell me you didn't have sex with everyone downstairs?"

"No I didn't now just listen." I say with an eye roll before continuing, "But we were on the roof and he kissed me and trust me on one thing my boy is one hell of a kisser." I laugh making her laugh, "But he kissed me and I don't know I just knew I was ready. I was ready to be with him. Now when I got home it was completely different. I mean my heart was racing and my mind was going a million miles a minute but again he kissed me and I seemed to relax a little. He pulled back telling me we didn't have to if I was feeling weird, that just because I said I was ready didn't mean we had to do it."

"That's so sweet."

"I know but then I told him I wanted to. I was scared shitless because I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing but I wanted to. And we started to….well started to do stuff…" I kind of trail off and look at her still listening.

"Yeah B its ok I know stuff, like foreplay stuff I get it continue."

"Ok…" I start again clearly seeing her not to uncomfortable with all this, "But he was…umm… he was doing _things_ and then he pulled up kissing me and asked if I wanted to keep going or stop because we could. But god Ky I never wanted something so much in my life, or wanted someone. I mean his rough hands all over my body and his gorgeous lips kissing me…"

"B!" she jumps holding up her hands to stop me, "No dirty details." She reminds me and I nod with a sorry.

"Yeah sorry well umm…we started got the feeling I kind of told you about with the rollercoaster thing but some much better. Then he pulled away and gave me this look. It was a look no one in my whole life has ever given me and I just smiled kissing him. The way he made me feel that night and the way he held me after even if it was just for a few moments it was amazing. He made me feel amazing and safe and I really didn't want to lose that feeling." I sigh looking down trying not to cry over all the memories.

"Brooke you're so in love with him." Kylee tells me but I just shake my head.

"No, no I thought I was. I thought I loved him but I don't. I don't feel like that for him." I tell her and feel my phone going off next to me and look down to see its Tony.

"You going to answer it?" she asks but I just stare at it a little longer then shoving that phone at her.

"Here you answer tell him I'm in the shower so he doesn't keep calling back." I tell her and with an eye roll she answers.

"Hello?" she says and sits there a second, "Hello?!?" she repeats.

"What does he want?"

"I don't know it's just voices he isn't talking to me. I just hear him, Lucas and the guys." She tells me handing me my phone and I put it on speaker then laying it on her bed as we both stare at it.

"_So you called her?_" we heard Tony ask.

"_Yes I called, I text I left message after message she won't damn talk to me._" we hear Lucas's voice yell with hurt. "_I just need her to talk to me I need to fix it and make things right._"

"_Luke man what happened?_" Nash asked and I grab the phone turning it up on the volume to hear better.

"_I told her I loved her. I said it and I guess she didn't feel it back or she did but other stuff was going on so I gave her time. I gave her time to figure it all out, but then every damn time I turned around she was with that ass David._"

"David is not an ass!" I growl annoyed and Kylee just hushes me.

"_Dude David has always been a good friend of Brookes._" Heath tells him and I can almost see Lucas turn completely pissed.

"_No man you don't get it. He would give her this look like he wanted her or something. Like he just wanted to take her off to the nearest room and then every time I was around and he was there he would be laughing with her or tickling her or just having this weird obsession with touching my girlfriend! I don't care what anyone says if we were together and he was around no matter what. I would lean in to kiss her he was there; I would start to talk to her bam he was there. No matter what that damn guy was there!_" Ok maybe if I sit for a second and think about it that might be kind of true but I am sure David didn't know he was doing that.

"_So what does David have to do with all this other than him being around all the time? I mean if you trust Brooke…_"

"_I do trust her!" _We hear Lucas interrupt Jay.

"_Ok then why does anything matter? Why does him hanging out with her bother you?_"

"_Because I don't trust him. I don't trust anything about the guy and I don't like him being around her while she is trying to figure out her feelings. I can hear him tell her that its best we aren't together. That we are moving too fast or we just aren't supposed to be together._"

"_Yeah I can actually see David doing that._" Tony agrees and I just roll my eyes he always hated David.

"_She found me with someone else._" I hear Lucas whisper and I see Kylee's mouth drop and head shoots up to look at me and I picture all the guys doing the same thing to Lucas.

"_You cheated on my sister!_" Tony snaps.

"Oh no this isn't going to be good." Kylee and me both mumble together.

"_After everything! After ya'll…I mean after she…_" Tony trails off and I know he was going to say slept together but stopped himself thank god.

"_You know?_" Lucas asks almost surprised.

"_Yes I know. I mean sometimes I wish I didn't but I do._"

"_What do you know?_" Jay asks.

"Nothing!" me, Tony, Lucas and Kylee all yell together.

"_Look it wasn't like I actually had sex with someone else. She didn't walk in on me like that but she did come by last night and I was there with this girl. But before you say anything it wasn't some random girl, it was…it was my ex._"

"_Well that makes it all better!" _Kylee, Jay and Tony all say together and it is creepy our family connection.

"_No I know it doesn't but I don't know why she was there ok. She came by to talk and I guess we were joking and she just kissed me. And I guess with thinking about Brooke with David, and the fact she broke up with me. I was pissed and lonely and I kissed her back and Brooke saw it."_

"That's the bad image etched in your head?_" _Kylee asks me and I just nod yeah as she rubs my back and lays her head on my shoulder as we both stay focused on the phone.

"_But it was just a kiss right?_"

"_Yes and I chased after her and tried to tell her it was nothing it meant nothing because I loved her but she just wouldn't listen. She kept telling me no I don't love her and that it didn't matter because the only reason she came over was to end us but I really don't believe her._"

"_That's because it was a lie._" Once again Kylee, Tony, Jason and I all say together and I know everyone is looking at the boys weird because their talking together and I can only imagine the weird looks they would give if they heard us all speaking in unison.

"_Luke Brooke told us she was staying at Rachel's last night." _Tony tells him and a part of me really wishes he didn't.

"_She did?_" Lucas questions and I know he figured out my whole coming over to break up was a bad lie.

"_Yeah. She told us she would be back in the morning but then all of a sudden she comes home. She comes home not even an hour of being gone in tears and not talking to anyone._" Jay tells him.

"_Then Kylee went to her they sat in the room for a little bit then she comes out gets some ice cream a movie then heading back to Brooke's room and they stayed locked away in there the rest of the night. Then this morning none of us saw Brooke until we called her out but after a small argument she heads back to her room where I bet she still is._" I hear Tony say slightly annoyed and I know that last part is all for me.

"Actually I am in Kylee's room." I say in a matter of fact tone crossing my arms over my chest, "So ha!" I shrug making Kylee laugh.

"_Damn it I knew it!_" Lucas snaps and I hear a loud slam making me and Kylee both jump, "_God I knew it._" His voice says as it gets low and is more of a whisper to himself and we both sit there staring at the phone until we hear Tony click it off.

"Well that was sneaky of our big brother." Kylee laughs grabbing her notebook to start writing again and with a growl I drag myself off my bed.

"I hate boys!" I yell slamming the door and hearing Kylee laugh.

* * *

I lay on my bed thinking, I am thinking way too much and it is all way to annoying. Why are boys just so damn complicated, why is this love thing everyone talks about so complicated and why the hell did he kiss her!!

I hear my phone going off on my night stand and with a growl reach over for it not even looking at the ID before answering, "What!?" I snap into the phone and hear a familiar voice laughing on the other line.

"_You know now I know why I love calling you so much your greeting is just so heartwarming._" He laughs making me smile.

"Hey D what you doing?" I ask flipping through some of my pictures in my shoe box under my bed. Some of me and Kylee, well actually a lot of us, some of me and the girls and guys and then sadly a few of me and Lucas. Ugh stupid Lucas.

"_I am cooking some dinner and made way to much come over and eat it with me._" he asks but doesn't really ask more just tells me what I am doing making me laugh a little.

"I'm not really in the mood David." I sigh looking at one of the picture of me and Lucas. One at Rachel's house where we were sitting on the couch, well Lucas was on the couch and I was on his lap my body all curled up into him as he smiled down at me. His look should have told me how he felt, I mean that look is clearly someone who looks to love the person on the receiving end of that smile, that person being me. Yet when I look at the picture and close my eyes I open them again and see him kissing Aislinn, "Ugh!" I growl putting the pictures back in my box and tossing it under my bed.

"_Hey don't you growl at me I was just trying to feed you._" David says making me laugh again.

"Ok…ok D I will be there in a few." I tell him giving up on the thinking about Lucas and hanging out with my best friend, my best friend who I hope for the night will just make me laugh and not think about this pain in my chest.

* * *

It is starting to storm as I arrive at David's house. It's not too bad yet just some thunder and the clouds look like that are about to burst open. I quickly walk up the steps of David's house and like always let myself in. I drop my purse off on the table next to the door, kick off my flip flops and pop the buttons on my jacket as I walk down the hall to his kitchen where I hear him moving around.

"Hey buddy." I wave walking over and leaning against the counter.

"Hey babe," he smiles kissing my cheek real quick as he moves around the kitchen, "I am almost done and you are going to eat ever last bit of it." He orders looking at me and I know he knows about my eating habits not being the best, especially since me and Lucas broke up so I just nod ok as he finishes.

Soon dinner was ready and it was so yummy I won't lie. It kind of reminded me of Lucas's cooking but different and then I get pissed for thinking about damn Lucas again.

"So how are you doing?" David asks placing his hand on my knee with a small smile, "I mean really." He asks and I just place my hand on his playing with his fingers.

"I'm ok. I mean it hurts a little but I will be ok I know it." I tell him giving him back a small smile as he nods.

"You'll be fine Brooke I know it too. You are beautiful and amazing and you will find someone. Someone who will treat you well treat you so much better than Lucas and never make you feel this pain you are feeling." He tells me squeezing my leg a little and though I don't agree with any of that I nod. I mean Lucas treated me amazingly, he treated me better than anyone I have known and he never hurt me or talked down to me or anything, well until the other night. Until I saw him with Aislinn that did hurt, that hurt so bad.

"Thanks D." I smile up at him and hold his gaze a while as he smiles at me until my phone going off breaks the look. "Sorry." I apologize jumping off the couch and going into the kitchen where my phone is, "Hello?" I answer brushing a piece of hair out of my face.

"_Hey B what you doing?_" I hear Tony ask and his tone almost worries me, he sounds sad, well not sad but worried.

"Umm...nothing just hanging out." I shrug leaning against the counter and picking at the leftovers of our dinner.

"_Brooke you may want to come here._" he tells me.

"Why?" I ask looking into the living room to see David sitting there thinking about something pretty hard and makes me wonder what but Tony's voice snaps me out of it.

"_Because Luke is kind of drunk and remember that bar slut we laughed about well she is trying to throw herself at him. Though he is not really giving her the time of day you still may want to come see him._" he explains and I feel my heart drop into my stomach at that thought. Someone else going after him again, someone else going after him while drunk, that's not good.

"T I…" start but my sentence gets cut off by David calling asking if everything is ok, "Yeah its fine." I yell covering the talking part on my phone.

"_Brooke where are you?_"

"Umm…with a friend." I tell him chewing my bottom lip not wanting him to know where I was.

"_A friend? That sounded like a guy friend. Not Rachel or Haley._"

"Umm…" I say biting my lip harder waiting for him to yell at me, he hates David always has and me being here will not make him happy.

"_Brooke are you are David's?!_" he yells and I close my eyes tight knowing Lucas heard that, "_David?_" I hear him ask and I can picture him stopping whatever he is doing to look at my brother, "_Tell me you are not talking to Brooke and she is not at David's place?_" Lucas asked almost sounding like he is begging but I don't hear Tony say anything so I figure he just nodded since I heard Lucas again, "_What the hell is she doing at fucking David's house at almost 11 at night!?_" he yells but has a small slur to it.

"Tony lie! Tell him you were wrong and I am not here because that will just piss him off more!" I order.

"_Sorry Brooke I am not going to lie for you. You should have known better then to go to David's what the hell are you thinking!?_"

"I am thinking I caught my boyfriend on his couch making out with someone else!" I snap into the phone and refusing to let myself get upset again.

"_He said sorry Brooke._"

"That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt Tony." I sigh closing my eyes shaking my head, "But it doesn't matter anymore, we aren't together and I am free to do whatever. And if I want to hang with someone who is being an amazing friend to me right now I will. As for Lucas he is a big boy he can make his own choices and if he wants to drink himself stupid and hook up with nasty bar sluts that's his business not mine. Not anymore."

"_I know you don't mean that._" he frowns at me, "_And I know you are worried about him and the thought of him with someone else is killing you inside._"

"It doesn't matter what I feel." I shrug.

"_It does to him._" he tells me and I nod knowing he's right.

"I umm…I got to go." I tell him saying bye quickly then hanging up walking into the living room to finding him sitting flipping through the channels, "Hey I am actually pretty tired I think I may head home." I tell him throwing my thumb over my shoulder pointing at the door.

"Don't be silly its late you can just stay here. I sleep on the couch take my bed." he offers but I shake my head.

"No David don't be silly it's not that far and I can't take you bed, it's your house."

"It is which means I can give up my bed so stop being dumb. Plus your mom would kill me if I let you leave with the weather like it is." he tells me and I know he is right but I also know I don't want to stay the night here only because my brothers will yell at me but honestly I don't care right now. I am tired, the weather sucks and it's late so with a kiss on the cheek and a goodnight I walk into David's room.

I pull the sheet back and toss a couple of his extra pillows on the floor. Walking over to his dresser I grab a pair of sweat pants and strip off my jeans pulling them off, washing off my makeup and pulling my hair into a ponytail before climbing onto his big comfy bed.

His bed is warm and so very comfortable but as I lay here I just think how it doesn't feel like Lucas's bed. The sheets feel different on my skin and it doesn't have that smell that I love. I can't describe the smell really, it's just one I love and it's just one I smell on Lucas, on Lucas's bed, and even my bed, on the jacket of his that I am once again wrapped in tonight and sometimes I can even smell it on me.

The clock ticks next to me and seriously I think time actually goes slower when you watch the clock. The minutes tick by from 11:30 to 12, from 12 to 12:48 and as it hits one I know I can't sleep with the thought of him drunk and out there somewhere. I just want to make sure he is ok, that he is you know like alive. I mean he was really drunk Tony said and I don't think the guys would let him drive but still I just need to know.

"I'll just text him. I mean a text isn't like a phone call." I shrug grabbing my phone and staring at it flipping it around my hands, "I mean just a quick are you home. I mean that will work." I convince myself flipping it open and letting my fingers linger over the buttons. "Just do it Brooke." I order myself and I slowly start to text.

'_Are you ok? I mean are you home and safe?_' I text and its really short but then I think maybe I shouldn't text if he is with someone else. I mean if he is he will ignore it and not worry to respond, but what if he is alone but just doesn't send back. Just ignores me all together? I question in my head but of course hitting send. I put my phone next to me and roll over away from it. I lay there closing my eyes and the room seems so quiet, so deadly quiet and as the minutes tick by I think he isn't going to send back, but hell I know if he text me I wouldn't send back, I mean I haven't sent back all week.

My eyes start to feel heavy and I close them but as soon as I do I hear a loud beep letting me know I have a text and I flip over on my side seeing my phone flashing a red light. I lay there staring at it not sure I want to look at it, I mean he text back he is alive that's all I need to know, but as I lay here my phone beeps again letting me know I have another text and my heart stops.

Two? Why would he text me twice? I quickly grab it flipping it open seeing their both from him and I let my finger shake as I hit open on the first one he sent.

'_Why do you care?_' it says and I frown some wondering the same thing before looking at the second message, '_Are you ok? I'm sorry I didn't mean that. Yeah I'm ok._' he says and I smile a little and though I know I shouldn't I text back.

'_Yeah I'm fine. Tony just said you were drinking so I wanted to know you were safe._'

'_Yeah…I'm fine I'm actually in your room right now. I wish you were with me._' he sends and I lay there looking at the message not wanting to send back because I don't want him to know what I am wanting. That I am wanting to be with him I just can't, I can't get that image of him kissing someone else out of my head.

'_Please don't say that._' I send back and it feels like forever until he sends back and when my phone buzzes letting me know I don't have just one text but three; I see why it took him so long.

'_It's true! I want you here and I want you with me and not at David's house. I don't want to be in your bed alone. I don't like the feeling of being in your bed without you next to me. I don't like the feeling of being in my bed knowing you won't ever be next to me again. I HATE that I hurt you and because of it I may never be with you again. Touch you, or kiss you, hold you or make love to you. I hate it all and I hate myself for it all. I miss you, god baby I miss you so damn much and I just want you back. God damn it I want you back and I will do anything for that. I will do whatever you want me to if you just let me know there is a chance. There is a chance we will be us again. Please Pretty Girl just tell me there is a chance._'

I lay here crying, crying like a fool and like an idiot and I don't know why the hell I can't tell him ok. That there is a chance because I don't think I can go through this pain again. I don't think I can take him back with the thought of losing him again because this pain is almost unbearable.

'_You promised to never hurt me._' I send back and I know that is a lame response I mean after the guy just poured his damn heart out kind of but still that's how I feel. Yet this time when my phone goes off it's not for a text it's a phone call and my heart stops but I slowly grab it answering.

"Hello?" I answer with tears coming down my cheeks and my voice of course cracking.

"_Baby I swear to everything I didn't mean to hurt you._" he tells me and I nod even though he can't see me I nod and then just seat here as we stay quiet, "_I'll never hurt you again._" he whispers to me but this time I shake my head no.

"You can't promise that Lucas, just like you couldn't promise the last time. I know you didn't mean to hurt me but you did and I know I hurt you and I know everything is just completely messed up and maybe…" I pause trying to think of my words, "Maybe we are just better off letting it all go now." I whisper and hear him let out a long breath.

"_I don't want to let it go Brooke I love you!"_

"You think you do Lucas but love isn't supposed to hurt this bad." I sigh lying on my bed staring at the roof and hear him go silent on the other line probably doing the same thing.

"_I messed up._" I hear him sigh and I hear all the tiredness in his words.

"We both messed up." I tell him as we both fall quiet again and I flip over on my side and with the phone next to me I can hear him breathing that is almost soothing and hearing it makes me feel like he is next to me as I start to doze a little, "Luke I'm tired of all this." I whisper through the phone as my eyes feel so heavy.

"_I know I am too Pretty Girl._" He whispers and all of a sudden I can hear him slur a bit and I guess all the alcohol is still in him and his tiredness is taking over and I frown some wondering if he is just saying what he is saying because he is drunk, but then again I know that's dumb because I do believe he wants me back, I mean I hope so, "_I have this pain in my chest…_" he says and I let out a small cry listening to him, "_And I want it to go away. I want to stop feeling this and I pray to everything this pain I feel isn't what you're feeling because that will kill me. Yet then I hope you are feeling it because then that gives me some hope, even if it's a small amount but still some hope I will get you back. So tell me Brooke do you? Do you feel this pain that makes you just sick inside and makes you whole day seem pointless because no matter what you do, no matter what the pain is still there. Even if you are having a moment a moment of happiness with friends and laughing you still feel the pain and a part of you is afraid you always will. Do you feel that?_" he asks.

"I…I don't know what I feel." I confess and hear him sigh on the other end.

"_Then I guess there is no reason for me to hold onto hope._" He frowns and I let more tears fall down my face as we fall silent, well silent until I hear him sigh and whisper, "_Bye Pretty Girl._" Then the phone goes dead.

* * *

**Review :D**


	24. Chapter 24

_Three weeks, that's how long I have been broken up with Lucas. Three very long and lonely weeks. I miss him I do but he just kind of shocked me, and I had things going on. I didn't think because I didn't say it back to him I would never get a chance to again, that I would never be able to tell him my feelings and now it's too late._

_The image of him and Aislinn is like almost burned in my brain and I want it out. God do I want it out. Then his voice of him at the bar with the guys echoes through my head. I admit I messed up I didn't say it back and it was my fault but it was his fault he kissed her, that was all him. Maybe he chased me outside maybe he kissed me and told me he loved me again but it was too late it was done._

_I almost called him today but I didn't, I stopped myself because I don't know what I am supposed to say, what I am supposed to be like. Oh hey remember when you said I love you but I said I needed space, I was just kidding I don't need it. Yeah that would go over well, he would probably call me nuts or something. _

_Or maybe I could call and be like hey remember when you kissed your ex, yeah that killed me, that crushed me and right now I hate you so much for feeling what I feel and I hate you for kissing her. I want to tell him that but again I can't._

_I haven't hung out with any of my friend since the break up officially, the one at his apartment when I told him I was done. I haven't talked to them and they call me and text me every day. I am actually supposed to go tonight for Haley's birthday but I don't know if I can because the fact I know Lucas will be there. I don't want to see him, I can't see him because I know I will just cry, I will cry again and I am not going to cry in front of him. _

_I don't know even if I have a right to be mad at him, or upset and hurt. I mean I did end us first but I had so much going on, my father was driving me nuts, Aiden was in the hospital and thank god he is ok now but still and then just all sorts of other stuff._

_After the day at the mall I thought I wouldn't feel worse with his we aren't together none of it matters it killed me. Those words cut so deep and I know they shouldn't we aren't together because of me, I am the reason and it just sucks. And I really don't want to talk about it anymore._

_The truth is the past few weeks the only really person I have been able to talk to is David, why I don't know but I have. He has been such a great friend letting me cry when I need to, tell him everything I am feeling and he just listens. Doesn't tell me to talk to Lucas or force me to open up to anyone about it because he knows not to push me and understands that. He has just been a really great friend and I love him for that. _

_He is actually coming with me tonight to Rachel's which maybe a bad idea I am not sure. He doesn't really see eye to eye with Rachel but everyone else he gets along with. I just can't face Lucas alone; I don't want to face Lucas alone. _

_I wonder if she will be there tonight, I wonder if someone else will be there tonight. They boys said at the bar some skank, one I am sure I know, was talking to him most the night. Flirting with him and though most the night he just sat there after my phone call with Tony he started to change his tone some. _

_I guess the whole at David's thing didn't go over well. But hell if Aislinn is allowed to stay at his apartment I can stay at my friends. But also I wonder after he called me, after his drunken state of drunk dialing if that would change the bring someone tonight. I wonder if what he was saying he was saying because he felt it or because he knew I was at David's and wanted me to leave._

_He hates David._

_I am already to go and I have changed my outfit about 10 times. I wanted to look ok, not like I have been crying for the last three weeks. I have my hair with a small wave to it and then settled on my red silk shirt that flows done my body, it's not really tight just snug at the bottom but it's cute, then just a pair of my jeans and black flip flops, something comfortable but something cute._

_As my clock ticks I hear David is here and I know I have to leave. I know I have to go but I really don't want to ugh!!!_

_Wish me luck._

I throw myself off my bed and check my appearance, its ok I guess. I shrug grabbing my purse. Lucas always says I look great, I wonder if he still thinks that.

Probably not.

"Ok Brookie you have to smile." David says breaking the silence that has formed since we started heading to Rachel's. I haven't really spoken yet mainly because my nerves are in over drive and I know he notices it.

"I'm fine." I lie and he just gives me that look that I catch before looking back at the road, "Ok I'm not fine but that's why you're here, to make me smile." I say with a fake smile that he just laughs at.

"Ok that smile is scary." He teases and I finally laugh loving that he can make me smile. Him over everyone else has been able to make me smile, he makes me laugh and even if it's for a short time he makes me forget.

"I love you, you know that." I smile over at him as we pull into Rachel's driveway.

"Yeah…" he smiles over at me and gives me this look, a look he has never given me before and one that kind of confuses me by its meaning and after a long pause he whispers, "I love you too."

We sit there a second, maybe a second too long in my book before we exit the car and head to the front door. I take a deep breath as I turn the knob on the door and enter the house, enter the house with a little push from David but I enter.

Walking in I stop dead in my tracks when I see him. He looks cute in his blue shirt, his blue shirt that I already know makes his eyes pop without even looking at them yet. He is talking to some girl, a girl I recognize quickly because it's Kimberly, Kimberly from the bar and now I feel more then sick. I knew he would bring someone because I know he knew David was coming with me but knowing and seeing it doesn't make me feel any better. And that sick feeling takes over when he looks over at me, we lock eyes and I feel myself about to break right there.

"Hales is your best friend, think about her tonight." David whisper placing his hand on my lower back and I just nod because he is right, and when I look back up at Lucas I guess, well I hope David's little gesture made him jealous because after looking away from us he walked past the bar slut and into the kitchen. A part of me wants to follow tell him David is just a friend but I don't, I won't.

"Happy birthday Hales." I smile whispering to my friend from behind.

"Brooke!" she squeals hugging me. "I've missed you best friend!"

"Missed you too girlie, sorry I haven't been around much. I…" I start but pause seeing Lucas walk back in the room but just turn back to Haley real quick with a fake smile, I know she sees through, "I've just been going through some stuff sorry."

"It's ok sweetie." She smiles hugging me again, "You ok?" she whispers to me and I just nod pulling out of our hug, "Love you." she smiles.

"Love you too."

"Brooke Davis! Is that Brooke Davis gracing me with her presence?" I hear and laugh turning to see Rachel.

"Hey Rachel." I smile.

"Hey Rachel? I haven't seen you in weeks and you have been barely texting me or calling me and all I get is hey Rachel?" she asks somewhat annoyed placing her hands on her hips and I just look down feeling ashamed.

"I'm sorry…I just…" I start but get cut off by a tackling hug.

"I was just kidding you slut I just missed you." she tells me and I look over her shoulder at Lucas who is looking at me with a look I wish I knew what it meant.

"Yeah, I've missed you too." I whisper looking away from Lucas and pulling out of our hug, feeling tears burning in my eyes.

"Brooke…" Rachel sighs looking over her shoulder at Lucas who turned his attention back to the bar slut, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" I smile fakely and feel Haley standing next to me rubbing her hand on my back trying to calm me.

"Honey we are here." Haley whispers and I just nod.

"I need a drink I will be right back." I smile brushing past them into the kitchen taking a deep breath trying to calm myself.

"You ok?" I hear David ask walking into the kitchen and I just hug him tightly.

"No not really." I confess and feel him tighten his grip on me.

"It's ok Brooke, it's going to be ok." he sooths me rubbing his finger tips up and down my back and calming me but only calming me because it makes me think of Lucas. That's what he does to calm me. That's what he always does and it always works, just like David right now.

"Ahem…" we hear someone clear their throat and pull apart to see Lucas and I quickly regret letting David comfort me. I look back at David wiping the small tear in my eye as David just looks over my shoulder at Lucas.

"I'll just go talk to Nate." David says locking eyes on me more asking if he can leave me and I just nod telling him I'm fine and he leaves. We both just stand their awkwardly and that bothers me because we have never shared an awkward moment well not like this. I almost can't take the silence, its driving me almost insane; it's suffocating. So I have to move I have to do something so I just walk over to the fridge grabbing me a coke because I am not in the mood to drink.

"Are you just not going to talk to me all night?" he finally asks and I just sit down my drink turning to look at him.

"No I just... I just got here…" I tell him not really sure what I want to say to him and he just nods but clearly not happy with my answer.

"So you were just going to talk to everyone then walk past me, is that it?" he asks again and I shake my head no. "Then what were you going to do?" he questions.

"What do you want me to say Lucas?" I ask but not annoyed, not anything just sad. Nothing but sad and I am doing all I can not to cry again right now.

"Doesn't matter what I want you to say because you won't say it." He tells me and I look at him confused to what he means by that, but before I can ask he starts again "David seems to be by your side a lot." He comments again and for the life of me I can't figure out why he is so focused on me being around David, I am getting tired of this damn talk.

"I told you he is just my friend Lucas." I growl slightly annoyed and figure if he can be an ass I can be a bitch and this last statement I have told him about a million times and he this time just nods, "And Kimberly? Or hell where is Aislinn tonight? She a little busy?" I hiss and see his whole body changes and his face falls and we again just stand in silence.

"Why are you doing this Brooke?" he finally asks me breaking the silence that filled the room and I look at him confused.

"What? What am I supposed to be doing? Because I'm sorry if I don't know how the hell I am supposed to be acting!" I yell at him and he just looks at me, looks at me with those damn I'm sorry eyes but I don't want to see those eyes because I know he isn't going to say sorry again because he is just as mad at me. "Damn it." I curse looking away from him and I feel like I am about to cry again so I just turn away from him, leaning on the counter and taking a deep breath. "Damn it." I again whisper.

"Brooke…" I hear him say faintly as I close my eyes before turning to look at him.

"Yeah." I say and he just looks away from me.

"Nothing I just…nothing…" he says shaking his head as he heads out of the kitchen but pauses at the door and stands there a second "You look nice tonight." He says not looking at me before walking out and I kind of let myself smile some, but only some.

* * *

The rest of the night is quiet, Haley opens some presents from everyone says her thanks and now we are just watching a movie. Which totally sucks because I normal sit with Lucas and laugh and talk throughout the whole thing just to get shh'd a million times but we aren't, I'm not. Instead I just sit here watching Kimberly talk to him about something I am more than sure he doesn't care about and I can't say or do anything about it.

I miss him.

I am still so hurt and angry with him but maybe that's karma, I hurt him, he hurts me. That's what I get but right now it's almost too much so when Kimberly puts her hand on his leg I'm done. I can't get a front row seat to him and her like I got with him and Aislinn. I just slowly get up and walk out of the room and I know his eyes are on me the whole time I walk out and into one of the back rooms and finally let my emotions get to me all over again.

"Brooke…" I hear someone call to me and turn to see David, it's not Lucas but he is just as good as I run over hugging him.

"I can't do it David, I tried but I can't." I cry into his shoulder and he holds me tighter.

"Its fine, it is." he tells me pulling out of our hug and wiping my tears.

"It's not David, I can't even stand being in the same room as him and only because I miss him so much." I tell him but he just shakes his head no.

"Brooke you are going to find someone. You will find some guy and not even think twice about Lucas anymore." He tries to reason but I shake my head no at that, because it's not true, it can't be. These strong feeling I feel for Lucas won't just disappear when some guy shows up.

"I won't lose my feelings for him David. And even if he isn't the one then for how long am I going to feel like this? Have this pain in my chest and for how long until a guy comes along and makes me not feel so much hurt anymore? Because it took me 18 years to find Lucas so for 18 more years until some other guy comes along will I feel this pain!?" I question but I know he can't answer that, well I assumed he couldn't answer it until he gives me that look again, the one from the car that I still can't read.

"Brooke…" he whispers brushing my hair behind my ear, "Maybe you just have to realize the person for you has been here this whole time." he whispers leaning closer to me and I can see him swallow hard as he moves his lips closer to mine.

"David…" I start but get cut off when his lips are on mine and it completely catches me off guard. For some reason David just kissed me and for some reason I didn't pull away. For some reason all this happened and just like that it's over, "David what was that?" I whisper but he doesn't answer at first just stands there staring at me letting his hand linger on my cheek and his face insanely close to mine.

"I don't know…" he finally says and that comfort feeing I felt earlier by him being this close to me is erased and in return I feel something completely different just not sure what until he starts again, "It's just lately when we have been hanging out I realized I still have feelings for you Brooke. I still care for you." and I just look at him I don't know what to say. It's just me and David have been down this road before, we have been where we have tried to figure out our feelings for each other and never been able too.

"David we have done this before." I tell him and through this whole conversation all I am thinking is Lucas was right, I am so dumb because Lucas saw it and I didn't have a clue.

"But this time we will try to give it a real shot and not just goof around about it." He tells me and I feel bad because I can tell he is being really sincere.

"David…" I sigh but he doesn't let me talk again he just kisses me again. His hand is on my back pulling me closer to him and for some reason I am letting my hand rest on his arms as he kisses me.

It's nice, it's a nice kiss I won't lie but it's different. He doesn't hold me the same and he doesn't feel the same, his kiss is sweet and it's not bad but it's not Lucas. He's just not.

"Wow…" I hear someone say and pull away from David to see the last person I wanted to see right now, the last person I wanted to see me kissing David.

"Lucas…" I whisper letting go of David but David is still close to me and his hand is still on my back and the look on Lucas's face right now looks as if he was just completely crushed. But then again I am sure that's the same one I had at his house when I saw him and Aislinn together and if it is then I know the exact pain he is feeling right now.

"Guess I called that one." He says walking away and out of the room.

"Lucas!" I call to chase after him but David grabs my hand to stop him.

"Just let him go Brooke." He tells me but I shake my head no at him.

"No David I can't just let him go I…" I trail off.

"You what?" he asks but I again shake my head, "Brooke why not give us a chance?" he asks waving his hand between us.

"Because you're not him. I'm sorry. I love you I do but you're just not Lucas." I tell him and again chase after Lucas and thank everything that David doesn't stop me again. "Lucas that wasn't what you think." I tell him and everyone turns to look at us confused.

"Happy birthday Hales but I think I am going to head out." He tells Haley giving her a kiss on the cheek completely ignoring me as he walks past me to leave.

"Lucas…" I call but he doesn't stop.

"I knew it…I fucking knew it." he keeps mumbling over and over to himself completely ignoring me.

"Lucas please wait." I beg chasing after him and grabbing his arm and it almost scares me when he jerks away from me. He has never jerked away from me before, "You can't be mad at me!" I yell at him and he finally stops dead in his tracks turning to look at me.

"Are you serious? I can't be mad about that!" he snaps waving his hand towards the back room and though he is yelling at me at least he is talking. "I told you! I said it over and over and you said it was nothing over and over but I told you! So I think I can be mad!"

"Mad about what? What happened?" Rachel asks and about that time David walks in and Rachel just narrows her eyes on him. "Brooke you didn't."

"No I didn't do anything, and even if I did he can't be mad at me!" I snap.

"And how do you come up with that?!" Lucas argues and I give him an 'are you kidding me' look.

"Because you were with Aislinn, you kissed her and because…because we aren't together!" I yell and see the hurt in his face by me saying that but I also know what he is feeling by it because just saying it out loud makes me almost sick just like at the mall hearing that just sucks "And because you are here with the fake blonde bar slut!" I hiss and see him narrow his eyes at me and give me a look, a look I don't like at all.

"Hey!" Kimberly squeals and I turn to look at her, "I am not a fake blonde." She protest and I hear Nathan and Cooper both snicker and get a smack from Haley and Rachel.

"Oh I am so sorry I guess Jay won the bet." I say rolling my eyes turning to look back at Lucas, "So you can't be mad at me. You are here with her. You brought her here where you knew I was going to be and why to hurt me?!"

"Hurt you?" he says with almost a dry laugh, "Brooke you broke up with me you shouldn't be hurting at all." He tells me and I just widen my eyes at him like he can't be serious.

"I'm not allowed to hurt are you kidding me! I am allowed to be hurt by that Lucas!" I argue waving my hand back at Kimberly. "I am allowed to hurt by all of this!"

"Brooke you left me. I said I love you and you broke up with me!" he argues and I can all but see from behind Rachel and Haley's jaw drop.

"Brooke you didn't do that did you?" Haley questions.

"Oh like you two didn't know she tells you guys everything!" Lucas argues and the both shake their heads no.

"She didn't tell us that, we really didn't know what happened with you two." Rachel explains and it's true I didn't tell them. I didn't tell anyone just ignored it all. "Brooke!" I hear them both call behind me and I actually cringe a little at it.

"I…I umm…" I stutter not sure what I am supposed to say right now because all eyes are on me and I am not liking it, "I had things going on." I settle on, "I mean you told me right before I got a call about Aiden sorry if I didn't tell him to wait a second so I could say it back to you."

"I get that but I was there for you Brooke. I was there after and I said it again and you told me you needed space. You broke up saying you had things you had to deal with."

"I was taking care of my brother and I was helping out my family." I argue and I know that is a lame answer but it's an answer.

"Brooke Aiden was fine." He argues and can tell when I was about to protest, "And don't say he wasn't because he was. Hell I went over and hung out with him one day and the only thing that seemed to be bothering him was that you were upset." He tells me and I know he was right, I know that he came and hung out with Aiden which I thought was sweet but I didn't want to be there so I left.

"Well I came to see you!" I snap "I came over and you were with her, kissing her!" I yell and then the memory comes flooding back and I picture it again. I see them again. "Do you ever wonder why the hell I came over?!" I yell at him.

"Every second of every damn day." He tells me and I close my eyes just wishing I could like somehow magically transport myself back to my house, my room away from all of this, "Why did you come by Brooke?" he asks me in a calmer tone as the room stays quiet. But I just shake my head.

"It doesn't matter." I say shaking my head and see him take a step towards me and I take one back.

"It does to me." he whispers but I just keep shaking my head no "Brooke…" he whispers again and it makes me nervous when I look up to see him in front of me and I wonder how he got there that fast and I just again look down, "Please…" he begs lifting my chin up to look at him, "Why did you come by that night Brooke?"

"What do you want me to say Lucas?" I ask feeling the tears form yet again in my eyes and my whole body tremble, "You want me to tell you that I came there to tell you I missed you. Fine there you go I missed you. I still miss you." I say throwing my hands in the air taking a step back from him, "I am missing you like crazy and going completely nuts without you. I miss feeling you and kissing you. I miss having you hold me and touch me I miss everything about it! Do you want to hear that I hate closing my damn eyes because I have that image of you and her etched in my mind!? That the thought of her around you or touching you or hell even looking at you makes me completely sick inside? Is that what you want to hear? Is that what you want from me? Then fine there you go I said it I miss you! I need you! God damn it I love you!" I yell and quickly realize what I said and as embarrassed as I am that I blurted out I loved him in front of the whole house I won't take it back not after I see him want to smile but doesn't.

"Brooke…" he whispers taking a step closer to me but I just step back again.

"You wanted to hear it…" I say as I feel tears fall, "you wanted to hear it, and you wanted me to tell you how I feel well that's how I feel. Now just…just leave me alone." I cry grabbing my stuff brushing past him.

"Brooke!" Lucas calls after me but I try to ignore him as I try to get my keys in the door cursing my hands for being so shaky and failing at doing it. "Brooke." I hear him say again and I drop my keys.

"Damn it!" I curse as I bend down to get the keys and try again but stop this time he grabs my arm spinning me too look at him.

"Where are you going?" he smiles at me and I just look at him as tears fall.

"Home, I need to get home." I tell him and feel my heart race as he brushes my hair behind my ear and wipe my tears.

"I love you." he whispers and I just shake my head not going to say it again, not going to let myself repeat what I just said inside, "I love you." he repeats kissing each of my cheeks then giving me a soft kiss on my lips before pulling back. Yet when he pulls back I want it back, I want to feel his lips on mine for the first time in weeks; I need to feel him.

I pull him back into me kissing him harder then he kissed me. I wrap my arms tight around his neck as he holds onto my hips pulling me closer to him. Picking me up and sitting me on the hood of my car I pull him even closer wrapping my legs tight around his waist as his tongue enters my mouth and just that makes me want to moan in his mouth.

Lucas moves his lips to my neck and the feeling I haven't felt in weeks is taking over my body again and I know I have missed him so much. Missed this feeling I get with him; missed everything about it.

"Lucas…" I moan as he trails kisses up my neck and back to my mouth, "I want you." I mumble in our kiss and he pulls away smiling with his hands still holding onto my sides and my arms still tight around his neck.

"I love you." he repeats and I know he is only doing it so I say it back, he wants to hear me say it back but I am scared to, I am scared to repeat it so I just lean up to kiss him again but he pulls back before I can, "I love you."

"I…" I start but feel the words get stuck in my throat.

"Just say it back…" he whispers to me, "Come on baby just say it back." he is almost begging for me to say it again and I don't know why I am so afraid to, why I am so nervous, not like he isn't going to say it back. He has said it about 10 times in the last 5 minutes but I am still scared.

"I…" I whisper locking eyes with him and then he smiles making me let out a small smile, "I love you too." I finally say back and the smile just makes me want to say it again, "God I love you so much." I whisper running my hands through his hair as he kisses me again.

God it is so unbelievable to me how in just a few weeks I could miss him so much. Miss the feeling of his lips on mine and his hand holding me and all I want now is him. I want to be with him and feel him, "Luke I want you." I mumble in our kiss as he moves his kiss along my jaw line and to my neck. I tilt my head to the side so he can get better to my neck as my hand latches on to the back of his head and neck pulling him closer to me, wanting to feel him closer to me, "God I want you so bad." I gasp out and feel him smile on my neck before bring his head back to my face and kissing me.

"We can go back to my place." He suggests but still kissing me but I just shake my head no.

"Too far." I mumble and even if it is 30 minutes that's way too far, I want him now, I need him now. "Your car?" I suggest but he shakes his head at that.

"We are not making love for the first time in my car." He tells me with all seriousness pulling away from our kiss and even though we have had sex before the thought he is referring to this as kind of our first time makes me smile like an idiot.

"I like how that sounds." I smile, "Make love." I clarify bouncing my head from side to side and he just smiles shaking his head leaning in to kiss me again.

"Me too." He gets out before his lips are back on mine. "I don't want to go back in there." he mumbles in our kiss and I completely agree with that. Not after the whole David thing I don't want to go inside the house and upstairs with Lucas. Nope not doing that.

"Me neither." I tell him.

"Your house?" he asks as he kisses me harder and I place my hands on his cheeks pulling him closer to me shaking my head no.

"Everyone's home." I tell him and get sad when he pulls away with a small smirk and smile.

"Baby you are really cutting down on our options here." he laughs and I just smile.

"I missed that." I whisper running my thumb gently over the corner of his mouth.

"You missed what?" he asks brushing my hair behind my ear and I close my eyes loving the gesture.

"Your laugh." I smile opening my eyes to look at him, "I missed your smile and your laugh and how you brush my hair behind my ear and your kiss. I just missed you."

"I missed you too." He whispers and for reasons I don't even know I let a tear escape my eye and I pull him into a hug. I wrap my arms tight around his neck and let my legs tighten on his waist as he just holds me against him burying his face in the side of my neck.

"I'm so sorry for everything." I whisper and feel my nose burn knowing that is a sign of my tears are starting to fall fast, "I'm sorry." I repeat closing my eyes and resting my head on his shoulder.

"It's ok Pretty Girl." He whispers, "Every things ok."

"I love you so much and I don't know why it took me so long to admit that." I tell him and squeeze him tighter. "All I have thought about the last few weeks is never being with you again."

"I wasn't going anywhere." He whispers pulling out of our hug smiling at me, "Even with everything or in my drunken state I knew I wasn't ready to lose you yet. I love you too much to lose you." he tells me and I just smile leaning in too kiss him.

"I love you too." I smile biting my bottom lip thinking for a second, "I know where we can go."

"Where?" he asks leaning down and kissing my collar bone before moving up on my neck.

"Well you have to trust me on this." I let out in a small gasp as he sucks harder and biting gently on my neck clearly letting me know he agrees with whatever I'm saying, I let him kiss me a little longer before I pull back giving him a soft kiss then jumping off the hood of my car, "Come with me." I say grabbing his hand as we walk down the dark side walk of Rachel's neighborhood.

"Umm…where are we going?" he questions as we walk up a long driveway to a large wooden cabin like home.

"Well you see this house has been here for years. The owner like lost all his money and the house never sold." I explain walking around the back of the dark house.

"Yes I get that but why are we here?" Lucas asks clearly confused.

"Well you see Rachel, Haley and me always loved this house, so being as we love it so much we leave the bottom window…" I pause yanking up a window, "Unlocked." I smile.

"There a reason you leave this thing unlocked?" he questions as I climb through and take his hand as he follows.

"Well Rachel would bring Cooper here when he had his old fat gross girlfriend." I say still cringing at the girl she was so gross, "And when your dear old father almost forbidden Nathan in seeing Haley they once again came here." I explain walking over to where we leave candles and matches striking it and lighting up the dark room.

"So…" he smiles walking over wrapping his arms around my waist pulling me close to him. "How many people have you brought here?" he questions with his cute boyish grin.

"Well I know this may come as a complete surprise so brace yourself but you Lucas Scott will be my first to bring here." I smile wrapping my arms around his neck, "You did say you liked being all my first."

"That Pretty Girl I do." he whispers before dipping his head down and giving me a kiss. One I enjoy so very much.

"Come on." I smile pulling out of our kiss and tugging his hand as we slowly make our way up the stairs to the bedroom at the end of the hall. The room is cold, actually the whole house is freezing but when I feel Lucas wrap his arms around me that cold feeling slowly starts to disappear.

Spinning in his arms I grab onto his face pulling him in to kiss me hard and deep. His arms quickly wrap around me holding me tight and pulling me hard into him as we seem to do a little dance over to the bed.

Lucas's legs hit the bed and when he does; he falls back pulling me with him but still yet to remove our lips. I lay on top of him letting my fingers do quick work on his shirt buttons and I move my kisses down his jaw line and to his neck kissing and sucking hard as I unbutton his last button and pulling it off his shoulders before he sits up with me in his lap shrugging it off the rest of the way.

His hands move down to my shirt grabbing and with one quick motion yanking it off before gluing his lips back on mine. Falling back on the bed I start kissing down his chest, running my tongue over his tone tanned abs I have missed touching, before kissing above his jean as I start to undo his jean buttons.

I pull his jeans off as far down as I can get them and he kicks them off the rest of the way as I start to move kisses back up his body stopping at just above his collar bone biting down as I suck knowing I am leaving a mark, not just with my kiss but with my bite I see my teeth marks in his skin as I suck hard until the spot is completely red, then moving on to his jaw line before attaching back on to his mouth.

After some time Lucas moves his lips from on my mouth to the corner of my lips then my jaw line until reaching my neck. His hand gets tangled in my hair as he sucks hard making my body already go into a small spasm, "Luke…" I moan as he moves his hand to the back of my neck pulling me down closer as he sucks hard; then bites a little harder than I did to him.

Without me having time to even think he flips us over so he is on top of me one knee between my legs rubbing against me already making me hot as the other is placed on the other side of me. "I think you have too many clothes on." His husky voice whispers in my ear as he bites my earlobe and starts sucking on it.

I nod in agreement as his hand runs down the front of my body giving me goose bumps before popping the button on my jeans and slipping them down as I kick them off. He takes his fingertip and runs them slowly up my thigh making me gasp, my body clearly missing his touch.

He started kissing down my chest and like I did to him running his tongue along my stomach. I felt his thumb graze over between my legs over my black lace panties and I felt my body shutter by just that. He kissed the outside of my panties and down between my legs as I felt his tongue graze over where his thumb had.

"Mmm…" I moan already wanting him more than anything and thank everything when he peels off my panties tossing them to the floor before dipping back down. This I won't lie is such an amazing feeling, it feels so good I can't even explain it, I wish I could but I can't. Truth is the whole rollercoaster explanation I told Kylee really doesn't come close to this not even a little. "God Luke…" I moan grabbing onto his hair and feeling my whole body spasm. My back arches as I feel the warmth shoot threw my body.

His lips moved back up my body and kissing me and feel him smile in our kiss which makes me smile. I flip us over so I am on top of him and run my hand up his chest with a smile still on his lips, "Why you smiling?" I asked kissing behind his ear and biting his earlobe.

"Nothing I just missed that." he whispers and I pull back looking at him.

"Missed what?" I smile leaning down kissing him and feeling him smile more.

"Kissing you…" he mumbles in our kiss, "Feeling you…" he says running his fingertips down my back and over my bare back side, "And I missed…" he pauses flipping us over and in one quick motion moving inside me.

"Uhh Luke…" I gasp pushing my body against his.

"Hearing you say my name like that." he smirks pausing inside of me as his lips lock onto mine. He stays still just like he always does before he starts moving in me. I feel my heart racing and body tingling all over with every thrust. His movements are different than before, they are slower a little gentler then normal but even so it still feels so damn good.

"Luke...oh god…" I moan wrapping my legs around him as we start a steady movement. We roll over so I am on top of him but our movement doesn't seem to lose its pace. My chest is smashed into his as he holds onto my hips helping with me move. I can feel muscles I am more than sure I have never used before as our bodies rock together.

He sits up with me in his arms making sure our bodies never lose contact. I wiggle my hips wanting to feel more of him, feel all of him. I can feel my forehead become wet with small drops of water making my hair stick to me but Lucas doesn't seem to mind. He just kisses down my swollen lips, the corner of my mouth and down my throat before snapping onto a piece of skin on my neck, "Luke…Luke…" I feel like a sports fan or something chanting to him as his arms wrap around my waist pulling me up and down with him.

He does another movement with us flipping us once again on the bed so he is on top of me and his movements become quicker. I feel our bodies getting tangled in the sheets tightening our bodies even more together.

My nails dig into his back making him let out a small moan into my mouth which makes me smile. I guess that's what he meant by missing hearing that because hearing that is a great feeling. "Uhh…god…" he moans as he starts moving even faster, "Uhh...god baby…I…Mmm…I love you...uh... I love you so much…god…" he gasp pushing into me hard one last time making my toes curl and body arch under him just pushing him further inside of me as I scream his name.

His head buries in the pillow by my head as he stays lying on top of me. My arms still wrapped around his chest as his are holding onto my side. Both of us breathing heavily and both of our hearts racing, "I…" I breathe out trying to catch my breath turning my head as my nose grazes over his ear as he still has his head lying above my shoulder still breathing heavy and I kiss his ear softly whispering, "I love you too."

* * *

We lay here in the quiet, dark home cuddle up in the warm comfortable bed. I lay here tracing small circles on his bare chest as his arm is wrapped tight around me; my leg is across his and my head rest on him. I love having him hold me; it's the most amazing feeling.

He is thinking. I know he is, I can see it on his face as his eyes stare at the ceiling. He is thinking about something pretty hard and I can see him fighting something in his head, like the day he wanted to say I love you he is clearly wanting to say or ask something.

"I umm…I want to ask you something." Lucas finally whispers breaking the silence.

"Ok ask." I say as he becomes quiet. He just lays there running his hand slowly up and down my bare back. I feel him tense underneath me and it is almost making me nervous, "Luke…" I say sitting up looking at him pulling the sheet around me, "What do you want to ask me?" I ask running my hand slowly through his hair.

"I won't be mad." he finally says, "I mean I don't think I am allowed to be mad since we weren't together but just want to know. I need to know." he tells me and I look at him confused.

"Lucas what is it you need to know?" I ask and see him remove his eyes from mine and staring up at the ceiling again then closing his eyes.

"Did you sleep with David?" I hear him question and it is so quiet when he says it I am not even sure that the words fully came out of his mouth. His eyes slowly open up and he turns to look at me and I can literally see all the worry in his eyes by that. "Did you?" he repeats cupping my cheek and stroking it softly.

"Lucas do you honestly think I would do that?" I question somewhat hurt by him even questioning it.

"I don't know." he sighs, "I want to say no. I want to believe you wouldn't but you were so mad. And we weren't together and when Tony called you were at his house and you didn't come home that night." He explains and I guess I understand his thoughts but still I wouldn't do that.

"Well I didn't." I tell him and see his whole body relax next to me.

"I'm sorry I know I shouldn't have even thought that but I just couldn't seem to get that out of my head." he tells me as he turns looking at me, "I tried to not think about it but the thought of you and him just made me feel sick."

"I never even thought about it." I tell him honestly, "Never once when I was with him did I even think of him in a way that wasn't friendly. I wouldn't do that Luke. I wouldn't do that to me, I wouldn't do that to you and I definitely wouldn't do that to David."

"What? Why David?"

"Because he is one of my best friends. I know you hate that but its true and I guess every now and then even if I tried to ignore it I thought you might have been right." I confess with a shrug, "I thought that maybe David was acting differently and he would always say I would find someone. If Lucas wasn't the one I would find someone else, someone to treat me right and care for me."

"Of course he said that." Lucas growls annoyed.

"But he was wrong." I tell him quickly and grabbing him turning his face to look at me, "Luke he was so wrong. I think he was only saying it because he wanted me to realize he thought that was him and I guess I was just too stupid to realize that." I sigh looking down "I'm…I'm sorry I kissed him."

"I'm sorry I let him get a chance to." He says with a dry laugh, "If I wasn't so stupid and let everything happen he wouldn't have gotten a chance to try and take my place and be with you."

"Lucas you didn't do anything wrong." I tell him quickly, "It was my fault. I knew I loved you, I knew it and for reasons I don't know I freaked. I jumped away from you and I don't know why. I don't know why it scared me so much because Tony was right just because I didn't physically say the words back to you didn't mean I didn't feel it and it didn't mean that my heart didn't completely break not being with you." I tell him as I slowly run my thumb over his jaw line, "I love you so much Luke." I smile leaning down and kissing him, "God do I."

"You're wrong Brooke." He whispers pulling out of our kiss and I just look at him confused not sure what he meant, "Brooke I messed up. I shouldn't have…I shouldn't have let her come over."

"Lucas its ok…I just overacted." I tell him shaking my head.

"No…" he says looking at me lifting my chin with a sad smile, "I shouldn't have let her come over and I shouldn't have let her kiss me. I'm sorry." He apologizes.

"It's ok." I smile, "I wish she wasn't there and I wish she didn't kiss you and I wish really bad I didn't see it…" I trial off, "But I just want to know… you didn't sleep with anyone else when we were broken up did you?"

"No!" he tells me quickly and I just let out a long breath feeling so relieved by that "Aislinn tried and I won't lie after you left that night a part of me almost did." He confesses and I kind of wish he wasn't so honest, "But when she kissed me it just…" he trails off.

"Just what?"

"It just wasn't you." he tells me and I just smile.

"Yeah I know what you mean." I whisper leaning in kissing him as he flips us over. "I love you." I mumble in our kiss and feel him smile.

"I love you too." He smiles pulling back looking at me with a smile. "I missed you." he whispers and I nod leaning in kissing him again, "I missed you too."

* * *

After laying there together for as long as we could Lucas and I slowly got dressed and made our way back to Rachel's house. As much as we all loved that house it didn't change the fact we never stayed the night, not only because someone might come by who knew the owner but also because everyone knows that house is abandon and you don't want to meet some creepy homeless guy in the hall the next morning.

"I feel like I should talk to David." I tell him as we walk hand in hand back to Rachel's. I feel his hand tense in mine and I somewhat want to laugh at how he pulls me closer to him. I don't even think he realizes he does it but whenever David's name is spoken even if he isn't around Lucas holds me close to him. And after tonight I am more than sure that protective thing will go into over drive.

"Yeah I know." he whispers and I was a little surprised he agreed with me. I figure he would try to talk me out of it, tell me no I don't; but he agrees? Wasn't expecting that.

"You agree with me?" I question looking up at him as we stop walking and he lets out a small huff.

"I don't like him Brooke. I don't like him and I will probably never trust him around you but I also know you have been friends for years. I know he was here before I came around and that he actually helped you out in times you were really upset and I do appreciate him doing that but still. Even not liking him or trusting him I know how much he means to you. I know his friendship means a lot to you and I get you don't want to lose that." he explains and again I am shocked, "Tony and Jay told me some stuff." He says and I nod now getting it, "Tony pretty much told me to keep the guy the hell away from you but Jay told me that he helped you through sometimes where you weren't doing so great even though I don't know what he means by that."

"He has been a really great friend to me Luke." I tell him and he nods.

"I know that. I don't want you to think me and him are going to be like buddy buddy but I get you don't want to lose his friendship. I promise to not argue about it because I know you love me and I know I love you and I am completely comfortable in our relationship to know not to worry but still I just want you to promise me something."

"I'll promise you anything."

"Just don't be alone with him please. I get if you are hanging with Rachel and Haley and he is there or ya'll go eat and he eats with ya'll, but please, please don't be alone with him. Don't hang out with him at his apartment or go to the mall or whatever because even if I trust you; trust you with everything I don't trust him. And there is absolutely no doubt in my mind what so ever that if ya'll are alone he will say stuff. He will try something with you and I would just prefer you to not let him even have the chance." He finishes and I can't help but smile. He really is prefect isn't he.

"I promise not to be alone with him." I agree as I lean up on my tip toes kissing him.

We started walking back hand in hand to Rachel's house and when we reached the driveway I dropped his hand pausing looking at him. He didn't notice at first I stopped walking with him until he was standing next to his car turning to look at me.

"What?" he says with a half smile as I just stand looking at him. He looks so cute with his ruffled hair and wrinkled clothes, his blue eyes having back that gorgeous blue sparkle and his smile amazingly perfect. With a small smile on my lips I walked over placing my arms tight around his neck and jumping up wrapping my legs around his waist and kissing him. It was slightly random I mean just jumping on him like that but I did it because I just love kissing this boy and I just love him.

"Your amazing." I smile pulling out of our kiss him holding me in his arms, "You Lucas Scott are the most amazing guy I have ever known and it honestly scares me how much I love you."

"Your pretty amazing too Pretty Girl." He grins the cutest grin in the world. "So what do you think our odds are walking back into that house and no one noticing?" he asks tossing a glance over his shoulder.

"Not very good." I frown, but wishing to everything we could just stay at the house down the street.

"We could go back to my place." He suggests leaning in to kiss me, "Just call your mom telling her that you are staying the rest of the night and tomorrow at Rachel's house but instead you just come home with me and we just stay in bed…" he smiles kissing me again, "all day."

"Oh I think I like that plan." I smile against his lips tightening my grip around his neck as he stumbles backwards and sitting on the hood of his car, "But the only problem is all my stuff is inside."

"Yeah mine too." He frowns.

"But I have my keys!" I squeal, "We can just stay in the car all night."

"Yeah Pretty Girl and freeze to death." He laughs at my offer.

"Oh I'm sure we could keep each other warm." I smirk, "Maybe we can test that whole body warmth thing."

"Aww look at my baby." He teases, "I remember when I would have to beg for a little back seat action."

"I remember when you had to beg for any action." I joke and he laughs shaking his head.

"That's true. I am so glad I don't have to beg for that anymore."

"Oh me too it was hard resisting you so much." I say with a heavy breath like it was really exhausting trying to not give into him.

"You were such a tease." He laughs standing up from his car as we start walking towards the front door, me still in his arms.

"But I'm your tease." I giggle a little as I lean in kissing him.

"You are definitely my tease." He agrees reaching for the handle, "You ready?"

"Yeah but you may want to put me back down."

"Do I have too?" he pouts, "I think I will do better just carrying you upstairs and ignore any comments."

"Or we could go in fake fighting and I take off upstairs and you follow? They will just assume we are arguing and even if it kills them keep their mouths shut."

"But then I do have to put you down." He pretends to frown making me laugh.

"Oh how about we just get into a real intense make out and go upstairs, I could even pull your shirt off half way to the stairs. I mean would you interrupt two people on their way to do what I plan on doing once we get upstairs…" I smirk "again." I finish quickly before my lips attach to his and he lets go of the handle getting a steady grip on me, pushing me against the door and deepening our kiss.

"Mmmm…I like this plan." He mumbles against my lips and I nod with a smile.

"But wait." I pause trying to pull back from the kiss but he doesn't let me just keeps kissing me, "What if David's in there?" I question and he lets out a groan closing his eyes and leaning his head above my shoulder and against the door, "I'm sorry…I just…I'm sorry."

"Its ok." he whispers kissing my shoulder and pulling to look at me, "I get it. I don't like it but I get it." He nods and I know he does but it doesn't make me feel any better.

"We're together and that means more to me than anything. I don't want my friendship with him to ruin us because even though he is one of my best friends if…" I pause swallowing hard not believing myself I'm about to say, "If you honestly don't want me being his friend I will…I'll stop being his." I promise looking away as a tear burns in my eye.

"I don't want you do that." he smiles at me and honestly even though if I had to pick I would without a doubt pick Lucas, I really don't think he would ever make me pick between them, "I told you my feelings on it and I trust you, I love you and you're with me. Not him. I can honestly say that I know he cares about you, maybe a little too much for my liking but he does and I respect that. I respect that while together he never seriously tried anything just a few comments here and there and I wouldn't make the guy lose you as a friend. I mean he confesses his feelings for you and you chase after me. I think he gets it."

"Yeah I guess that does sound bad when I hear it out loud." I say with a dry laugh leaning my back against the door playing with a button on Lucas's shirt, "I didn't mean to hurt him and I guess when you saw us kissing and you left I panicked I was going to lose you. Even if it's weird a few days me and David will get back we always do but I just had to get you to know what I was feeling and it wasn't for David not like that."

"I know I think I panicked a little too hence the running." He smiles at me.

"Yeah…" I says biting my bottom lip tracing my finger over his lips, "You have great lips." I randomly blurt out making him laugh.

"Thanks." He grins shaking his head at me.

"No really they are pretty perfect. I mean not that I have had many up close personal lips in my face but if I had to vote I think yours are the best."

"I think your bias." He chuckles.

"Probably so." I agree as we fall silent for a second him just staring at me and me just still tracing his bottom lip, "Wanna know a secret?" I break the silence and he smiles and nods, "Not only were you my first boyfriend, the first and only guy I have ever slept with and first guy I have ever loved…" I say with a smile, "You were kinda sorta the first guy I ever really kissed." I tell him with a small trail off.

"You lie." He grins but I shake my head no.

"I wish I was its slightly embarrassing"

"I don't think that's something to be embarrassed about." He says but I mean really that is extremely embarrassing.

"Easy for you to say. Your Mr. I have slept with loads amount of girls and probably kissed two times that amount." I say with a dry laugh and he frowns a little at me, "Sorry that came out wrong. I mean I don't think you're like a man whore or anything."

"Well good because I'm not. I mean maybe while in high school and college I had my as you said man whore moments but not anymore. I am perfectly happy with just one girl." He smiles tapping my nose with his finger, "Just one."

"I'm glad to be that one." I giggle a little sliding out of his arms to finally stand on my own.

"Yeah me too." He smiles kissing me then slipping his hands in my back jean pockets, "Ready to stop this stalling and head in?"

"No." I pout, "But I guess we have too huh?"

"Yup." He nods opening the door and with a deep breath walking in.

I am literally shaking, my hand is like in a freak out mode or something and when the door shuts I hear everyone moving around and whispers. Rounding the corner to the living room I freeze noticing everyone staring at me, everyone but David who is not even in the room.

"Where's Lucas?" Haley questions and I give a confused look turning to see him not behind me; coward.

"He better get his ass in this room." I fake hiss as he rounds the corner with a smile.

"Sorry." he whispers wrapping his arms around my waist from behind and laying his chin on my shoulder, "My shirt wasn't exactly button right." He whispers in my ear and I blush some. Glad he caught that and fixed it that could make things a little embarrassing.

"Oh." I giggle some biting my bottom lip, "But here he is."

"Here I am." he repeats, "And here we go." He says quickly grabbing my hand as we start to move out of the room.

"Hold it!" Rachel calls and we both freeze.

"I tired." He mumbles and I laugh as we turn back too look at them.

"So what's up?" I smile clapping my hands together walking over to the coffee table, "We going to watch a new movie?" I ask flipping through the DVDs on the table but noticing a new one on the screen, well new from when we left. "Oh look we are already watching one. Is it good?" I ask falling on the couch next to Bevin, "Oh girl give me some of that popcorn."

"Brooke." Haley calls but I just shove some popcorn in my mouth catching Lucas covering his hand on his mouth letting out a small laugh.

"Bevin that is such a cute shirt!" I smile ignoring my best friend.

"Brooke Penelope!" Rachel's voice echoes through the room a little louder then Haley's.

"Thanks I got it the other day at this new shop in the mall. You know I was going to call you but totally spaced." She tells me and I laugh some because I love how clueless Bevin is towards the world.

"Well we have to go to the mall and check it out what you think this weekend?" I suggest and she nods.

"Brooke Penelope Davis!!" Rachel and Haley yell together and I turn to look at them with a smile.

"Yes?"

"Where have you two been for the last couple hours?" Haley asks and I just smile a little thinking about it.

"Now Hales I don't think it's been a couple hours." I say with an eye roll trying to think about it all. We did talk outside about ten minutes and the walk is only about five. Then we made love, I smile again bouncing my head to each side as even think about it in my head; but anyway that might have been a good amount of time since my boy can definitely go forever. I smile looking over at him as he just stands in the living room, oh boy can he. And not in the annoying takes so long soon I'm bored, or so quick I'm like damn it's over. He is just perfect on all accounts in that department. But then we laid there a little while talked and headed back so maybe it was a couple hours. Oops.

"It was. So again where were you?" Haley repeats.

"Umm…not here." I shrug getting off the couch.

"Well where is not here?" Rachel asks, "I mean clearly you two are better?"

"Umm…yup." I nod as Lucas grabs my hand pulling me into him, "We are much better." I grin letting my body fall back into his.

"Well then again where were you because I didn't hear much talking outside." Haley asks crossing her arms over her chest standing next to Rachel and I just laugh a little.

"Now Hales it's not nice to ease drop." I tell her just kidding but clearly they don't want to be kidding.

"Brooke!" both voices roar at me

"Come on guys chill…we weren't like off killing people. We were just up the street." I shrug and Lucas grins kissing the side of my cheek and both Rachel and Haley seem to relax giving us a smile nodding their head clearly getting it.

"Where is up the street?" Nathan questions and we all give him a come on Nate look.

"Yeah I mean…Oh." Cooper catches on with a smile, "Up the street Nate. Like up the street down a driveway and in a window up the street." He explains and Nathan sits there a second before catching on.

"Nicely done Luke." He laughs giving him one of those knuckle touch things and I just roll my eyes boys are so dumb.

"Well thank you." Lucas agrees and I just spin in his arms smacking him, "What was that for?" he frowns rubbing his chest where I smacked him.

"What was that for? Are you really giving a knuckle touch for having sex with me? I mean what if I just had sex with you and ran giving Rachel and Haley a high five?"

"Well I would assume I did a very good job." He smirks, "And trust me Nate it was very, very good."

"Lucas!" I squeal slapping his chest again as everyone laughs.

"Oh come on baby I was just kidding." He laughs placing his hand on top of mine clearly so I don't hit him again.

"Wait so it was bad?" I fake pout.

"No." he laughs shaking his head, "How come I feel like I am wrong no matter what I say here?"

"Because you normally are." I laugh leaning on my tip toes kissing him, "But I love you for trying."

"I love you too." He grins leaning in kissing me a little harder then I kissed him and I let him until I realized we were a room with all our friends.

"I'm sorry about that." I apologize wiping my mouth and spinning to look at everyone, "But umm…where is David?" I question since I know he couldn't leave since I drove and again I laugh when Lucas grabs onto my back belt loop pulling me into him. He really doesn't like David. I seriously don't get why. I mean I get why he kissed me but still.

"He left." Rachel shrugged clearly not at all caring, "The bar slut took him to get his car from your house."

"Oh ok." I nod a little sad and pull out my phone too see I have no text or nothing.

"Why don't you go ahead and call him?" Lucas suggests and though it sorta surprises me I am happy he did.

"Yeah I am. I'll umm…I'll be right back." I say unwrapping my body from his and walking into the kitchen. I chew my thumb nail nervously as the phone rings and I really hope he answers. I mean he is my best friend and I don't want to lose him.

"_Hello?_" he answers and I smile.

"Hey buddy…" I whisper into the phone resting my elbows on the counter.

"_Hey Brookie…_" he whispers back and we both stay quiet only hearing the breathing on both ends, "_You and Lucas ok?_" he finally answers and I feel my heart break because I don't want to hurt him.

"Yeah…" my voice cracks as a tear slips down my cheek, "I'm sorry."

"_Don't be sorry B._" I hear him say and I know he is smiling that perfect smile I really do love, "_I was just a little too late._"

"I love you David you know I do." I tell him because if there is one thing that will never change is the fact I love this boy. Is it like I love Lucas? No not at all, it's like I love my brothers, like I love Nate or Nash or Heath.

"_It's just not the way I love you._" he whispers to me and oh yeah I just broke.

"David…" I sigh running my free hand over my face.

"_I'm sorry…but I umm…I have some stuff I need to do._" he tells me and I nod.

"Ok but maybe you think we could meet tomorrow? I mean for lunch, just to talk?" I am all but begging.

"_I am actually busy tomorrow…_" he tells me.

"Oh ok that's fine. I mean it's ok." I shrug it off as I trace my fingers over the title of a magazine on the counter.

"_But I am working Saturday. If your free and you want you can come by at my break. I'll probably go on about noon or so._" He says and my smile comes back fast thinking we may be able to fix this.

"Yeah that sounds perfect." I nod excitedly, "I guess I will see you Saturday and remember I like my fries with extra salt." I remind him and hear him laugh.

"_Yeah babe I know that. I think I know your whole order by heart; so don't worry._"

"Ok great. I'll see you then buddy." I smile.

"_Alright see you then._" he laughs, "_Bye B._"

"Bye David." I smile a little hanging up and just staring at my phone. Well least it's a start. I mean least he offered the meeting.

"Ya'll ok?" I hear someone ask as I feel to arms wrap around my waist and resting their chin on my shoulder.

"No…" I tell him honestly leaning back against him, "But we will." I nod spinning in his arms to look at him, "I love you. I love you so much; you know that right?" I ask.

"Yeah Pretty Girl I know that." he smiles.

"And you remember you said you would never do anything to hurt me right?"

"Yeah I remember that and I plan on keeping that promise."

"And you know I told you if I _had_ to pick between you and David without a doubt I would pick you."

"Yeah…yeah I know you did." He again nods.

"Just please don't ever ask me too pick." I beg wrapping my arms around his neck, "I love you Lucas. I love you more than anything and if I had to pick. If you really at some point hate the fact I am his friend I will not think twice picking you but just don't ask me. If you do that will hurt me and though I can promise to pick you I can't promise that I won't be upset with you for a few days." I tell him honestly.

That is really how I feel too. I know I will pick Lucas; I wouldn't even have to think because I just love him. Yet David has been there for me through everything, he was there before Lucas was, he was there while me and Lucas were broken up and he was great to me the whole time. Yes it was my fault the pain I felt not being with Lucas, but it wasn't David's. So it's not fair to leave him for Lucas, then just days later end our friendship completely for something I have done to him.

"Ok…" he agreed with a nod but looking down a second before looking back at me, "I won't ever ask you." he tells me and I lean up kissing him just because I don't want him to think I have any feelings for David like that.

"I love you." I whisper to him placing my hands on either side of his cheeks, "Nobody but you and even if it took me longer to admit that to you don't ever wonder if it was because I was feeling it for someone else. I can honestly I have never in my life felt what I feel for you."

"I have never felt this way about anyone either." He smiles.

"Even Aislinn?" I question but with a small laugh so he knows I am just kidding.

"Honestly?" he says a brushing my hair behind my ear, "I question if I even loved her since the way I feel for you is so much stronger."

"That makes me feel special. Too think I would end up being one of your firsts." I tease wrapping my arms around his neck as we start to sway towards the stairs.

"So definitely glad you are." He smiles, "So…" he says getting a sneaky grin picking me up in his arms making me laugh a little, "Why don't we go upstairs and we do the thing I love so much being your first with?" he smirks.

"Hmm…do I get to give Haley and Rachel a high five when we're done?" I tease.

"Well only if I do a good job." Lucas teases back making me laugh a little more.

"Rachel, Hales!" I call.

"Yeah?!"

"I'll be back in a little bit. Expect a high five in a little while." I joke making Lucas laugh shaking his head at me.

"Umm...alright." I hear them laugh and I know they are probably shaking their heads at me.

"You know I think they may not be getting that high five until morning." Lucas informs me as we start up the stairs.

"Oh really?" I question kinking my eyebrow at him as he walk into the room and Lucas just nods kicking the door shut with a mumbled "yup."

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**So do you love it?! Or do you hate it!? Do you disagree with Brooke wanting to stay friends with David or understand? Can you wait for the next chapter or do you want some Brucas love quick? Well just let me know by clicking that pretty little button below and;**

**REVIEW!!**

**:D**


	25. Chapter 25

**Thank you so much for my reviews last chapter! I am so glad you all loved the making up of Brucas and all their little moments. I am glad you all agree with Brooke and David well most do and understand sometimes it's hard to just stop a friendship that has lasted over years. I felt like I had to put it in because I am sure like me we have all had a David. A pop up when he pleases but disappeared just as fast, wasn't 100% on their feelings until they saw themselves losing us then decide to confess their feelings at the moment you think you have things figured out.**

**If you have had a David trust me loves I understand and if you haven't then you are so lucky because the David's of the world make you love love yet hate it all the same haha.**

**This chapter isn't the David talk but it's coming up so be ready!**

**But I will stop rambling; just I own nothing but the story line.**

**Enjoy :D**

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I smiled the biggest smile in the history of the world when I woke up with Lucas next to me. I mean like seriously when I roll over to see him I can't help but smile like an idiot. The sheets are fallen down around his waist and he lies next to me in a pair of gray long pants. His hair is going every which way, he is on his side one arm under his pillow and one hang loosely on my lower waist, his nice tone body is in clear view and all I think is;

Damn my boy is sexy.

I gently rub his cheek, stroking just under his eye with my thumb and even with him sleeping I lean in to kiss him only because I know that as soon as I do…

"Mmm…" he grins rolling over on his back and bring me on top of him, "Morning Pretty Girl." He mumbles in our kiss.

"Morning Boyfriend." I smile kissing him back one last time before pulling back, "You sleep good?" I question as I kiss his chin; then down his neck.

"I slept real good." He smiles letting his hand run through my hair as I kiss down his chest, and stomach stopping just at his waist line before kissing back up and giving him another small kiss on the lips, "How did you sleep?"

"Amazingly." I sing tucking a small strand of hair behind my ear leaning in to kiss him again. "I love you." I smile looking at him and laugh some when he flips us over so he is lying on top of me.

"Do you have any idea how much I love hearing you say that?" he asks.

"Hmm…" I think tapping my chin, "Why don't you say it to me and I will let you know." I tease and he just laughs shaking his head at me but of course whispers back, "I love you." and I get all sorts of butterflies and I swear my heart did a complete flip.

"Yeah I definitely love hearing that." I smile wrapping my arms around his neck kissing him, "So I want to go out tonight."

"Well where would you like to go out to?" he asks copying my move from a few minutes ago but only kissing along my jaw line and behind my ear, stopping at my neck and sucking hard.

"I don't know…" I let out in a small gasp and he switches to the other side of my neck copying what he was doing over there, "What about? What about we go to Night Light tonight?" I suggest. It's a small club about half an hour away. It's like one of the only 18 up clubs around and its one that we all went to for my birthday along with the rest of the girls when they turned 18.

"Mmm…" he somewhat agrees moving up a little higher on my neck.

"Was that a yes?" I ask tilting my head to the side some as he moves up it and his hand runs up my body.

"Mmm…" he says again and I don't know what that means.

"Baby I really want to go and I don't know what Mmm…means." I tell him and feel him laugh against my neck before pulling away and smiling at me.

"Mmm…means I'll do whatever you want to do tonight." He smiles, "I mean as long as I get to do whatever I want to you tonight." He smirks taking his finger and trailing it down my body stopping right above my shorts running it back and forth the rim of them.

"Do you have any idea what effect your small touch has on my body?" I ask because it even shocks me. Just his finger, his damn finger going along the waist line of my shorts gives me chills. He isn't even doing a damn thing, its nuts.

"Would it be completely wrong if I said I love that you're kind of powerless to my touch?" he smirks pulling the side of my shorts down a little and sliding his hand in and holding onto my side.

"Only if you tease me with it then definitely its wrong." I pretend to pout sticking out my bottom lip as far as I can. Lucas however just laughs at me, bites my lip a little then kisses me.

* * *

_I am happy. I am too happy. Probably one of those annoying happy things since I smile all the time and no matter how much someone else annoys me or tries to irritate me it doesn't work because I am that happy. I have a boyfriend, not just a boyfriend but an amazingly perfect boyfriend that I am so crazy about._

_Is it dumb to be this happy? To smile this much and to want to tell everyone I meet I am happy in love. Love. That is such a great word when you use it. Was I scared as hell to use it? Oh yes. Do I still feel afraid to tell him it? Not at all._

_I can't believe I was so scared to tell him I loved him because I think I always knew I did. I always felt it and wanted to say it just scared. I don't know why I was scared; just stupid insecurities in me. Yet I swallowed the fear and though in a crazy emotional tirade I shouted I loved him least I told him right. Oh boy I am so glad I did because last night was amazing, well last night and this morning._

_Yup that line was written my dear diary because this morning was just as amazing. I may not exactly say what happened but let's just say that he definitely did not tease me with his touch. Nope not one bit. And oh yes I love him for it._

_We are going to a club tonight. It's kind of like the bar but different since well it's a club. But I mean it has the whole 18 up, pool tables in the back room and of course drinks for the 21 and up. I am sure Lucas will drink I just hope he doesn't get plastered like his last night out, which I don't think he will since he normally doesn't. I think last time he was just upset hurt and wanted a drink, well lots of drinks but he is better now. He is better because he loves me and I love him._

_But still I hope his drinking is to a minimum because I plan on having a fun night with him and just not at the club but when we get back. _

_So how weird is it that I have been back with Lucas since last night but my family doesn't know. Nope they haven't got a clue and maybe it's because I got home this morning came in took a shower, talked to Lucas on the phone in my room, then just kind of chilled on my computer. So they don't know and when they do they will probably wonder why I didn't tell them but I think it's because I want to enjoy the feeling of being in love before telling my whole family that I am._

_But now my phone is ringing and I know that ringtone so I am out._

"Hey handsome." I answer my phone.

"_Hello gorgeous what you doing?_"

"Nothing just hanging out. Trying to think of what to wear tonight." I tell him as I go through my closet.

"_Well you know what I love to see you in or not in._" he smirks and I can so see his sneaky little grin.

"I'm serious Broody." I laugh at him placing my phone on my shoulder trapping it between my ear, "Hmm… I think I might wear my red halter top. It's comfy but cute; it's silk and kind of a dark red. Then maybe my black tight jeans and some heels?" I kind of ask.

"_Oh I like tight jeans._" He laughs and I roll my eyes he is no help.

"I love you but you suck at this. I need Rachel's or Haley's help. They give a real opinion on my clothes." I laugh as I throw my stuff back on my bed before walking into the kitchen where everyone else is, "Being best friends of course they know what my body looks good in."

"_Hey I think I know your body better than they do._" he protest and maybe that's true but his help on picking out clothes still sucks.

"Well you suck at helping me pick out clothes." I laugh digging through the fridge.

"Who you talking to?" Kylee asks but I just shh's her.

"So what time you want to go tonight?" I ask pouring me a drink.

"Where you going?" Mom asks but I just wave my hand at her mouthing I'll tell her later.

"_I don't know who is all coming?_"

"Umm…I don't know if Coop can but I am sure Rachel will. Haley and Nathan are having their anniversary night tonight. God I can't believe they have been together for two years. I don't know how they do it."

"_Well I know this sounds crazy but they might kind of love each other._"

"Right love…what's that again?" I tease and hear him laugh, "But really thanks again for not helping on my outfit. You are just as bad as the boys."

"Don't compare me to him." I hear Tony mumble into his cup and I just look at him confused completely missing what Lucas said.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I ask placing my hands on my hip looking at him.

"_That I am a guy so clothes aren't my thing. I thought that was one of your favorite things about me, you know that I am a guy._"

"Oh no not you I'm talking to Tony." I tell him, "So Tony what do you mean?"

"I mean don't compare me to some guy who jumps at a girl when she is vulnerable like he did with you. I mean what you and Lucas were done a few days, if that maybe hours and David is all up on you. Sorry I am nothing like that." he growls and I just roll my eyes.

"_What is he saying?_" Lucas asks.

"Oh how apparently stupid I am for breaking up with…" I start but of course Tony cuts me off.

"You are stupid!"

"Tony she is not stupid." Mom says with an eye roll, "Maybe a little messed up in the head."

"Mom!!!" I freak and hear Lucas laughing on the other end, "You shut up." I say into my phone making him laugh harder, "And you explain how I am messed up in the head!"

"B we love you we all do." Kylee smiles, "But for the last few weeks all you have done is…"

"Pout." Jason finishes for her.

"Well not pout but gone through a serious depression." Mom corrects and they all nod, "And we were talking about it the other day and the only conclusion we came up with for the sadness is."

"You miss Lucas." Aiden finishes for her and ok this annoying talking without me around is not cool.

"_Aww you missed me._" Lucas teases and I roll my eyes since of course he knew I missed him.

"Shut up dumbass." I mumble into the phone and he once again laughs.

"And we all have decided that we are not going to be nice about it. We get some messed up stuff happened. I mean yes ok you caught him with his ex…" Jason says and I nod.

"_Pretty Girl I am sorry you know that._" Lucas says with a small sigh and I nod, "I know." I whisper to him, "_I love you._" he says and then I smile a little, "You too."

"But look you are a little to blame too." Tony says quickly and I just nod which I am sure surprised them.

"Look I know he messed up I messed up but look what I was saying was…"

"No B listen. He loves you and even though you are so incredible stubborn you love the guy too." Kylee says and I just nod ok figuring I will let them finish everything they have to say since they won't listen to me. "Brooke you talked to me about pretty much everything which is Brucas."

"_Brucas?_" Lucas questions, "She watches too much TV." I mumble and hear him laugh.

"But look you are so in love with that boy its crazy. And I am normally not right about these things I mean look at my track record but I am right this time. God am I so right." Mom smiles, "So why not let yourself be happy. Give you both a second chance and just love each other."

"Because he is really one of the best things that have ever happened too you B." Jason says.

"And he plays video games with me." Aiden smiles and I just gently stroke his cheek smiling at him.

"He treats you right." Mom tells me and I again nod, I know he treats me well.

"Plus he is amazingly gorgeous." Kylee giggles.

"_Tell Ky thanks she is amazingly gorgeous too._" Lucas laughs just making me laugh a little.

"And he is not David who will just screw with you and then leave. We all know that is what he does; he pops up when you are happy and disappears just as fast." Tony growls and I roll my eyes while trying to ignore Lucas agreeing with him on the other end.

"You do realize you all are extremely loud and the person on the phone can hear every word you are saying?" I say in a little put off tone, I mean great my family loves my boyfriend but the way they seem to talk it's like they love him more than me.

"Well good then I don't have to repeat myself to David he is a complete tool." Tony groans. I have never understood his hate for David. Ever since he found out that one time David was drunk and got a little too friendly and tried to have sex with me he never liked him again. I mean it wasn't too bad David just kind of rubbed up against me tried to kiss me and really nothing else. I mean as soon as I said stop leave me alone and he knew I was serious he stopped. He felt terrible the next day, not just terrible felt embarrassed and never stopped apologizing. I forgave him but Tony nope and from looks of it never.

"Ok I want to thank you all for loving Lucas more than me that is greatly appreciated. However I am going to go great dressed because I am going out tonight. So you all talk about it some more and here Tony talk." I growl a little shoving my phone at him.

"Brooke I am not talking to him." Tony snapped and I just roll my eye shoving the phone at him which he takes, "What do you want ass?" he hissed into the phone and I just wanted to laugh when I saw his mood change, "Luke man what you doing talking to my sister?" he asks and I just look at everyone who is just staring at me.

"Oh I know how great Lucas is. I know how amazing he treats me and I know he makes me so happy. I also know how amazingly gorgeous he is. So you see how when I was at Rachel's last night and he kissed me telling me he loved me you can kind of see why I said it back." I smile and they all just smile at me, "T tell my boyfriend that I will see him tonight. I love him and to pick me up at 8." I smile bouncing out of the kitchen and grabbing my journal.

_My family is so dumb._

* * *

So I sit here at Night Light, with Rachel, Tony, Nash and of course Lucas. Jason felt sick so stayed home and I don't think any of us really know where Heath is. He kinda of disappears for a few days but he always comes back.

"Tony dance with me." Rachel begs already climbing out of her seat reaching for my brother's hand.

"I don't know Rach won't Cooper be a little upset by that?" Tony teases but we all know he is saying yes since he is standing up with his hand in hers.

"Please I asked for a dance not like you are going to get lucky." She smirked as she dragged him off to the dance floor.

"I think I may go find a willing girl for the night. You both try to keep it PG." Nash teases standing up.

"Only PG?" Lucas pretends to pout making me laugh.

"I will allow a little PG-13 and maybe if you are out of my line of view R but nothing higher, got it." He jokes pouting at us.

"I make no promises." I smile leaning against Lucas slipping my hands in his and Lucas just smiles kissing the side of my head.

"You two really make me sick." Nash laughs walking away and I just turn to look at my boyfriend.

"So Boyfriend how do you feel about dancing with me?" I question tilting my head to the side a little and biting my bottom lip.

"Sure." He smiles as he takes my hand leading me to the dance floor.

The song is slow moving, but at the same time a fast worded one. My right arm hangs loosely on his shoulder as my left hand holds onto the side of his shirt, my body all but smashed against his, his face right next to mine so that I feel the small stubble on his cheeks brushing against my cheek as we move to the music. I love being this close to him, I love hearing ever so often him hum to the music in my ear. I love having his hands slide down my back into my back jean pockets pulling me closer to him and I just love him.

Halfway through the song I spin in his arms pushing my body against his. He moves his hands to my hips slipping two fingers through both pant loops and I place my hands on his. Leaning down kissing my shoulder I get chills by his warm lips against my hot skin. Like a hot knife through butter his lips on my skin just seem to melt me. And then when that hot kiss turns into a small bit my whole body shudders.

I glance up catching Rachel and Tony dancing and then Nash with some girl that makes me laugh. I look around the club at everyone around, the couples, the people who just met that night and then sadly the single girls just sitting and watching it all.

I feel bad for them, I feel so bad because I use to be them. I use to sit there and watch my friends dance with their boyfriends, see girls with guys all up and close like me and Lucas and that seriously is such a shitty feeling. The feeling of not being enough, of not feeling beautiful and not feeling like you are even worth a thing. It sucks how much we as girls put on ourselves based on our relationship status. That if you don't have a boyfriend, you must not be pretty, if you don't have guys falling all over you then you must just be repulsive. I use to hate nights going out with friends alone because I felt like that and then look at me feeling like I am so great because of having a boyfriend.

I wish there was a book out there telling us girls a guy doesn't make you. That just because you don't have a boyfriend doesn't mean a thing because it really just doesn't. I have finally realized all that and I know it may be easy for me to say because here I stand with a gorgeous boy dancing with me but it really is true.

I glance up at one girl at a table sitting there spinning her straw in her drink. She has the look I got all the time, the not good enough look. I bet her friends are out on the dance floor and she is sitting there feeling lonely and that sucks. She is looking over at Tony which makes me smile a little and I guess she saw me noticing her check out my big brother because she just looks at me and we make eye contact and she smiles a little before looking back down real quick.

"Hey could you get me a drink?" I ask Lucas as I turn to look up at him.

"Yeah sure what you want?" he asks as we stop dancing.

"Water is fine. I'll be right over there." I tell him pointing over to where that girl is and see him give me a weird look but nodding anyway and giving me a quick kiss before walking to get me my water. I slowly walk over to the girl's table sitting down, "Man it's hot out there." I breathe out sitting next to her.

"Yeah everyone looks pretty…sweaty." She says and I laugh some.

"Yeah…" I agree turning to look at her, "I'm Brooke." I introduce sticking out my hand which she takes.

"Ryann." She says and I nod looking back over at the crowd seeing my brother laughing as Nash is telling him something but still maintaining to dance.

"His name is Tony." I tell her and she gives me a confused look, "The guy over there." I point, "His name is Tony."

"Oh I wasn't…I mean I wasn't like looking at him." she tries to tell me and kind of stutters and ok this girl is so me.

"It's ok to look at him. I mean that's not his girlfriend he is dancing with." I tell her and she nods sipping on her drink but turning red a little, "Why don't you ask him to dance?"

"Umm…because girlfriend or not he picked that girl to dance and she is gorgeous. I am nothing like her." she shrugs looking down. I take a minute to look this girl over. She is cute, really cute and Tony would definitely dance with her. She has long dirty blonde hair and really pretty honey eyes. She is a little shorter than me but as I sit here looking at her I find nothing wrong with her.

"No your wrong on that but Tony is only dancing with her because she is my best friend. It's like his sister." I shrug and its true Tony and Rachel are like me and Nash or me and Heath it's just way to sibling like to be anything more.

"Why are you telling me this?" she questions and I know it may seem weird some random girl walking up and talking to you in a bar about a guy, I just hate the feeling I know she is feeling. It's really the worst.

"Let me guess you came here with friends?" I ask and she just nods, "Friends really outgoing, always have a guy no matter what and every time you turn around you they are telling you about some new guy they met?"

"Your friends like that?" she asks with a dry laugh.

"Oh yeah. Every day it seemed they had a guy and every day I would sit and wonder what the hell is wrong with me until I realized nothing." I shrug "I use to see all my friends and think ok what am I doing wrong? What do they have that I don't; because I sure as hell can't figure it out. I mean yes maybe I thought they were prettier or smarter or more fun to hang out with but then I would think I have all these guy friends and they love hanging out with me."

"Oh yeah I have tons of guy friends that I love but it just sucks because I am always the girl friend never the girlfriend." She tells me and I nod knowing that line so well. I hate that line. The best friend, the little sister, the I don't want to mess up our friendship line. Those really suck.

"I know right. I was like ok I am 18 never had a serious boyfriend and my friends seem to have boyfriends all the time. Like I would go over to hang with all of them and they would always have a different guy and I was like oh my god what is going on!" I somewhat yell and she laughs nodding, "But then one day my very wise and annoying big brother was like ok B look at the guys your friends have, the ones they date or hook up with or whatever and think do you really want any of them? Would you even consider dating them and the truth is no. I never once saw one they brought over that I was like oh god I want them."

"Yeah but even when that is true we go out places and I haven't found a guy yet." She sighs a little.

"Because you are shy. Trust me I was just like you." I tell her searching the club until my eyes land on a guy standing leaning on the bar smiling at us, "See that guy." I tell her moving my eyes over and she follows my gaze, "He is so checking you out right now."

"How do you know he is not checking you out?" she questions and ok is that really what I sounded like when I said that to my friends? Man my confidence is so low.

"Trust me he isn't." I laugh shaking my head at that, "Now pick one. Pick the blonde or the brunette."

"What? I can't just pick one it's not that easy." She tells me and I roll my eyes a little. "Plus just because I think they are cute doesn't mean that they think I am good looking. I can think he is cute all day but it's what he thinks of me that matters." She says and man this girl is more like me then I thought.

"Ok do you see…" I pause a second searching the room until my eyes land on Lucas who on his way back to me got caught by Tony, Rachel and Nash telling him something that is apparently so insanely funny. "Ok you see that guy right there?" I ask point at my boyfriend.

"Yeah."

"You think he is cute?"

"He is more than cute." She smiles and I nod because I know that.

"Ok that is my boyfriend." I smile proudly and her frown deepens a little.

"That's cool." She says trying to recover her smile but it's too late I saw the frown and I know the fake smile better the anyone.

"You see I never in my lifetime would think that I could get a boyfriend that looked like that. I mean I would look at him and well look at him then I would look at me and well look at me." I point waving my hand up and down.

"Brooke your gorgeous." She tells me and I smile a little, ok confidence boost right there.

"Ryann I never in my lifetime considered myself gorgeous. I rated my looks on the number of boyfriends I had and since it was none well my looks weren't that high." I tell her and she nods a little clearly getting what I am saying, "But did you know he tried talking to me all night the first night we met but I was too stupid with thoughts that someone that looked like that would ever want to look at someone like me and because of that dumb thinking I almost missed him." I tell her honestly, "Now pick one. Pick the guy at the bar or the brunette dancing with the redhead."

"I have always liked brunettes better." She says and I nod with smile, now we are getting somewhere.

"Wait how old are you?" I question because even if this is an 18 up club people still get in underage and I don't want big brother getting in more trouble.

"I'll be 20 in a month." She tells me and ok good.

"Alright I want you to make eye contact with him." I tell her, "Don't make a scary face or anything just when he glances up here and trust me he will just make eye contact, maybe a small smile. Just something that lets him know you see him."

"But what if he doesn't look at me?"

"Trust me he will." I tell her and smile when right on cue big brother glances over at us. I know he only glanced at first to see where I was because he swears I am going to get myself kidnapped but when he does I also know Ryann's eyes locked right on to his. "Smile just a little. Maybe look down a little but then back at him." I tell her and then question when I got so good at this. Maybe I always knew I could do it just had the same fear Ryann has, but then again giving advice is so much easier then taking it for yourself.

"Shit they are all coming over." She mumbles looking down and staring intensely at her cup.

"Its fine relax." I laugh as the approach, "Thank you." I tell Lucas as he hands me my water, "Guys this is Ryann. Ryann this is Lucas, Nash, Rachel and Tony." I smile at the last one nudging her in the leg.

"Umm...hi." she waves and I see how my brother is just smiling at her. I am so good!

"Well I need to go to the bathroom and I really don't want Ryann to sit alone here because there are some weird people in this place. So Rach come with me and my boys will you watch my friend?" I asked but all the boys could tell it was more of an order.

"Sure babe no problem." Lucas nodded as I eased out of my chair and he takes it.

Me and Rachel walk off to the bathroom and I know she is confused I just needed to talk to her so she knew what was going to happen, "Alright so I don't have to pee."

"So why did you drag me into this extremely hot and crowded bathroom?" she asked and I laugh.

"Because Ryann thinks Tony is cute but is too shy to talk to him by herself. So when we go back you ask Nash to dance and I will Lucas and oh look Tony asks Ryann." I smile clapping my hands together like it's the best plan ever.

"How do you know he even wants to dance with her?"

"Because I know my big brother. Plus earlier I saw him looking at her hence why I walked over to sit. Well that and I felt bad for her but still not the point." I wave my hand.

"Ok well I guess I can do that." Rachel shrugs as she checks her makeup and fixes her shirt, "Alright let's do this thing." she says walking out of the bathroom and I follow.

We head back over to the table finding the guys talking to each other Ryann sitting a little quietly adding something ever so often with a small laugh clearly nervous.

"So what is up my loves?" I ask walking over standing next to Lucas placing my hand on his shoulder.

"Nothing just apparently that girl over there was trying to hit on your boyfriend." Tony tells me and my head shoots up looking around.

"Who?" I question seeing tons of girls but not really any looking at us.

"Baby he was kidding." Lucas grins looking at me.

"Oh…" I blush a little at how dumb I get over that sometimes, "My bad." I shrug placing my hand on his cheek kissing him. Lucas just turns in his stool so I am standing between his legs and placing his hands on my hips pulling me close to him. Don't ask me why every time I look at this boy I just feel like I have to kiss him but I can't help it. I just love kissing him, "Mmm… I love kissing you." I grin pulling back running my thumb across his bottom lip.

"Really?" he smirks tilting his head to the side and I nod, "Well…" he smiles leaning up to my ear so just I can hear him, "I really love kissing you too…among other things." He whispers kissing my ear and I let out a small giggle.

"Luke…" I smile pushing him playfully against the chest but he grabs my hand pulling me into him kissing me. I can tell he wants to deepen the kiss but I don't let him just bite his bottom lip as he lets out a grunt making me giggle a little more.

"Hey!" we both hear over the loud music looking over at my brother and friends, "I told you to keep it PG in my presence." Nash laughs throwing a straw at us that hits Lucas in the face making me laugh.

"Dude no need to throw stuff." He says throwing it back.

"Dude no need to eat my sister's face." Tony mocks as he throws back and I just step back from Lucas taking a seat in the stool next to him. I forgot about that. Tony may laugh with it but I know it doesn't make him too comfortable watching us together. I mean he does know we have sex, he does know that we are in love and he does know pretty much everything that involves me and Lucas. However even with knowing that doesn't mean he wants to see it.

"Nash do you want to dance?" Rachel asks breaking the weird tension.

"Of course." Nash smiles standing up and taking her hand dancing over to the dance floor.

"What about you hun you want to dance?" I ask Lucas and he just kind of shrugs clearly not catching on, "Let's put it this way come dance with me." I pretty much order grabbing his hand and pulling him with me.

"We just danced." He pouts a little and I roll my eyes.

"I know that but I am trying to do something so just go with it." I tell him and he gives me a confused look as we stand on the dance floor, "See that…" I tell him and he just looks at me, "No over there." I say grabbing his face and turning him to look at Tony and Ryann.

"Umm…it looks like Tony." He shrugs still not getting it and ok my boyfriend maybe smart but he can also be so dumb sometimes.

"I know that I mean look he is talking to Ryann. They are laughing." I smile, "Aren't they cute."

"Ok Pretty Girl they are talking don't send out the wedding invitations just yet." He teases and I slap him on the chest mumbling shut up making him laugh more.

"Oh look he is asking her to dance! Yay me!" I grin even bigger clapping my hands together.

"Awe look at the little matchmaker." He teases pinching my sides making me wiggle in his arms some, "So…" he hums in my ear pulling my body into him as we slowly sway to the music, "Are you coming home with me tonight?" he asks and I pull my excitement about Ryann and Tony to the boy behind me.

"Hmm… I don't know you going to make fun of me more?" I tease tilting my head to the side to look at him and he lets out a deep chuckle.

"No I promise I won't make any more fun."

"Ok then I guess I could come." I say dragging out guess and swaying from side to side. He however just laughs grabbing onto my hips and yanks my body against his making me giggle some, "Just kidding."

"Good. So how do you suppose I get you going home with me without Tony and Nash freaking out?" he questions and that's a good question. I mean even knowing the truth they aren't going to just ship me off to his house.

"Just say you are going to leave early. I will go to Rachel's house and pick me up there." I suggest because that's the best I can give him. He has to pass Rachel's to get to his place so it will work.

"Sounds like a plan." He smiles lifting my chin to kiss me, "Let's go tell them I'm leaving because I'm getting kind of tired." He shrugs taking his hand in mine as we walk over to our friends, "Hey guys I think I am going to head out."

"Already?" Rachel questions.

"That's what I said!" I fake pout and he laughs wrapping his arm around my waist kissing the side of my head.

"Rach, Brookie you do realize it is almost 2 right?" Tony laughs shaking his head at us and I would like to have a side note to point out right now big brother is standing there with Ryann in front of him her standing a little close and his hands placed low on her hips. I am so freaking good!

"So…" both Rachel and I say at the same time.

"Yeah well I have to wake up early to meet Dan and Nathan so I can't stay out all night like you two. Guess I'm not as cool."

"Oh honey you aren't cool either way." Rachel teases getting a tickle in the side making her yelp jumping against Nash.

"But yes I will see you all later." He says and they all say bye.

"Call me when you get home?" I ask over the loud music and he nods yes, "Love you."

"Love you too." He grins leaning down kissing me bye as he heads out.

"Oh don't pout Brooke you can be away from him for a night. You will live." Nash jokes pinching my cheek making me smile.

* * *

We hang out a little longer sitting around talking and stuff. Ryann's friends left before us and after getting Tony's number hugging me goodbye she headed out. I pulled Rachel to the side telling her that I was going to Lucas's but riding back with her so the boys don't know. With a sneaky smirk and a playful eye roll she agreed.

"Call me when you get home." I feel like I have repeated to the boys about a million times since walking out to the cars. Nash really hasn't drank that much so he is driving but that still doesn't mean it doesn't worry me.

"We promise B. We will call, text and even send an email." Tony laughs at me.

"Just humor me ok." I say with an eye roll hugging them both, "Please be careful." I say on last time pulling out of Tony's hug.

"Always." He smirks using the line I give every time they tell me to be careful. And with one last hug we part our ways and head home.

* * *

"You know you could have followed behind me a little sooner. I swear Rach's parents probably think I'm a creeper." Lucas tells us as soon as we pull into her driveway. We didn't mean to leave so late after him it just sorta happened, plus traffic sucked.

"We're sorry." I fake frown walking over to him leaning up against his car, "We are here now." I shrug and he rolls his eye opening the car door, "I'll call you tomorrow Rach." I tell her with a hug.

"All right have fun." she smirks giving Lucas a hug and heading inside.

"You know I think you maybe the cutest creeper I have ever seen." I tease climbing into the passenger seat.

"Yeah, yeah." Lucas says with an eye roll shutting my door but I know I saw a smile.

Once we get back to his apartment we just cuddle one the couch watching TV and I am really happy at this moment. Just me and him on the couch watching TV makes me smile. I may not have many times in my life I can mark as being truly happy but I know without a doubt this is one of them.

"I love you." I whisper snuggling closer against him, wrapping one arm tight around him and resting my head on his chest.

"I love you too." I hear him smile running his hand slowly up and down my back, "Can I ask you something?" he question and I just nod a sure against his chest, "Why do you hate your dad?" he asks a little randomly and I pull my head off his chest to look at him.

"What you mean?"

"It's just that as long as we have been together we haven't ever really talked about him. I mean I have seen you around him like at the hospital with Aiden but I don't know I don't get it." he explains with a small shrug and I just lay my head back on his chest picking at a piece of string on his shirt.

I guess he figures I don't want to talk about it since he just lays silent. Doesn't ask me anymore just lays there steady breathing under me and I lay still picking at his shirt.

"When I was 9 they told me they were getting a divorce." I whisper but still laying still, "I didn't get it at first. I even cried which was dumb but I did. Yet then he moved out and to me nothing really changed. It was always just mom and us with his occasional appearance at a family dinner or baseball game for Tony but other than that he wasn't there." I shrug, "But mom I could tell was happier. She seemed more I don't know alive. She cried less, seemed upset less and all of a sudden she had a real smile. I was always a momma's girl. Like real bad, so bad that on the rare occasions Richard did stay home with us and she went out which I believe happened twice but when it happened I cried. I cried for her to come home and would sleep at the top of the stairs until she did." I tell him but he doesn't comment just once against stays quiet.

"When he moved out…" I start pulling off him to sit up straight but not looking at him, "When he moved out they made us go visit. Every other weekend from Friday at 6 until Sunday at 6 we had to go with him. I hated it. I hated it so bad and I would scream, I would cry, I would kick anything just to stay with my mom but I still had to go." I say with a dry laugh, "I use to wonder why he made me you know. Like if I clearly didn't want to go, if I called my mom constantly while I was there then why did he make me. Why didn't he just let me stay home and the answer is just because he is just selfish. He is always selfish putting himself first, putting himself above the world. He does whatever he could to look like the good guy, look like the victim, look like nothing is his fault." I growl just thinking about it, "When we were little he spilled grease all over the kitchen floor and Richard being the amazing person he is didn't clean it up. So when mom walked into the kitchen baby like always on hip she fell. She fell hard and messed up her knee. Had to have a cast, be on crutches everything but did Richard help her with the kids? Nope. She was in lots and lots of pain and had some pain killers. Yet mom goes to take them one night and they weren't there. She sent Richard to go get them and when she needed them the bastard kept them."

"What you mean kept them?" he finally asks.

"Richard liked his pills. He liked pretty much anything to give him a little kick. His daily high and whether it was taking my mom's pills or taking someone else's Richard made sure to get his high."

"I'm sorry." Lucas apologizes rubbing my knee soothingly but I shake my head at him cause no need for him to be sorry. He didn't do anything.

"I was four when Kylee was born." I tell him randomly and he smiles at the mention of my little sister because you can't think of Kylee and not smile, "Truthfully I didn't even want her." I laugh and he laughs a little.

"You didn't want Kylee?" he questions and I just nod, "Brooke you and Kylee are like inspirable. Like seriously I feel like I have to compete for your time more with her then with Rachel and Haley." He teases and I nod because that's true I hang out with my baby sister so much.

"I know but when I was four I didn't see it that way. I didn't see the cool times we have when we are older or all the great talks. I didn't see any of that just saw my attention being taken away from my mom and my brothers. Yet then I got to hold her." I smile thinking about the day, "Mom made me sit on the couch put my arms a certain way and positioned Kylee right in my arms." I tell him cradling my arms how I cradled Kylee, "She was perfect with her ten little toes and ten little fingers. Her big honey brown eyes opened up to look at me and she smiled. It was truly the most perfect thing I have ever seen in my life."

"So then you liked her." he smiles but I shake my head no.

"Actually it made me madder because I thought great now I love this little monster." I laugh shaking my head, "But I promised I would take care of her. I promised that no matter what I would take care of her, protect her not let anything hurt her." I tell him and feel my eyes burn a little with tears, "But I knew she was different." My voice cracks a little.

"What you mean?" he asks moving up on the couch a little sitting up just like me.

"Like she was always a lot paler then the rest of us. Or the fact when she walked one of her feet was different. Mom could never clean around her, but not like sweeping, vacuum cleaning but she couldn't have her near the bathrooms when she cleaned. If she cleaned the shower she had to wait a day or so before Kylee could use it. We could only use certain toilet paper, only a certain type of laundry detergent, our dogs had to be outside dogs because the inside dogs hair couldn't be around Kylee. That she couldn't have latex around her so we had to get special band aids, that at the dentist certain gloves, certain stuff to numb her mouth. On vacation Papa had to test the water before she got in. Like the chlorine and everything. Before anything happened, before we did anything we had to make sure it was safe around Kylee."

"What was wrong with her?"

"She got sick like no one's business. If we had a small cold, it would be almost deathly to Kylee. I didn't get it. I didn't get any of it because she seemed like a normal baby, but she just wasn't." I shrug, "I was 13 when I found out for sure."

"Found out what?"

"It is shown when a mother does drugs while pregnant the baby has side effects. Like it is born premature, disfigured, with some sort of brain problem, all sorts of things go wrong when it's the mother. Yet when it's the father all the side effects are different. When it's the father the problems are what happened to Kylee."

"Brooke…I'm…I'm sorry." he apologizes again, "She is ok though. I mean as long as you watch all that stuff she will be fine right?"

"Yeah…" I nod blinking my tears away, "She will be fine. She is all fine but when I was a freshman she got sick. Like really, really sick and no one knew what was wrong. No one could fix her and slowly we were losing her. She lost all this weight, got so pale, was in pain couldn't move without cringing in pain. All I thought was I was going to lose her and I promised everything. I promised that if God just made her better I would never let anything hurt her again. I would take care of her and that I promised to be a good sister. I would make it all better. That day I came home from school and they said she was going to operate. They were going in to look for a tumor or anything to find out what was wrong." I tell him as a tear slips down my cheek thinking about it.

"It's ok." Lucas says moving over wiping my tears, "Its alright she's alright." He tells me and I nod, I know she is but that doesn't change it could have been worse.

"Well that day they took her back. She gave that perfect little toothy grin she gives mumbles a see you later and they wheel her out. The doctor said it would be a couple hours unless something happened. 5 minutes pass and nothing happens, 10, 15. Then all of a sudden the phone rang. It cut through the silent room like a knife in all of our chest and we all sat. Mom, me, Papa, Grandmama we all sat staring at the phone on the wall and didn't move until Grandmama told mom to answer, she had to answer. So with a shaking hand and a worried face she answered."

"What they say?"

"That we lost her." my voice completely cracks and tears fall faster than ever before, "That they gave her the stuff to put her to sleep or whatever and it stopped her heart. I don't know if she was allergic or what but it stopped it. For 2 minutes and 28 seconds I was the only girl in our family and I didn't want it. With all the years of wishing that I was the only girl, that I was their only baby girl I didn't want a thing of it all I wanted was her back."

"You got her back." he smiles rubbing my hand.

"Yeah…" I nod with a smile, "I got her back, but I blamed him for making me feel like that for those 2 minutes and 28 seconds. I blame him for making my whole heart shattering and I blamed him for all of it. They can say that it was not his fault, her being allergic to it wasn't his fault but it was. I don't care what anyone says it was completely his fault. So you ask why I hate him. I hate him for making my mom's life so hard, for making her feel so low, beneath him. I hate him for making Tony grow up years before he should and I hate him for making my life a living hell but I hate him most for those 2 minutes and 28 seconds."

"I'm sorry you felt like that." he tells me pulling me into him as I lay my head on his chest nodding, "I hope you never feel like that again."

"I won't." I tell him pulling away looking at him with a small sad smile, "As long as you promise to never go anywhere."

"I promise Pretty Girl." He smiles brushing my hair back and wiping the tear under my eye, "I promise I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

I have a smile on my face when I wake up the next morning. I know I'm in Lucas's bed because I smell his scent on the pillow my head is on and I love that scent. I'm a little upset I don't feel his arm around me like most morning when I wake up beside him but at the same time I figure he is just in the bathroom or something.

Even with a good night sleep like I normally have when I'm with him I am still not wanting to get out of his warm comfy bed. Like seriously I wonder what it would take to convince him to trade beds with me because this one is so much comfortable. Yet while I am figuring out my plan to take his bed I feel his hand run down my side and smile.

"Morning." I hum with a smile but keeping my eyes closed because even if he wants me too I don't want to get up. Yet then his hand slides around my waist and slipping up his t-shirt he let me wear last night, "Why are you always so much hornier in the mornings?" I tease as his lips start kissing on my neck but something is different. His lips and kiss feel different and then when I think about it the way his hand is rubbing my skin and down the front of my stomach to my waist line I know something is definitely different. I slowly flip over to face my boyfriend to realize it's not my boyfriend; it's not anyone I know.

"Hi…" the unfamiliar person says with a smirk and with wide eyes and a loud scream I fly back from him falling off the bed. "Awe why did you get off the bed?" he fake pouts and I quickly look around the room to make sure I am in my boyfriend's room and oh yeah I am.

"Who the hell are you?!" I freak from the floor at the tan almost naked guy I woke up too. "And why the hell are you in my bed!"

"One you my love have a dirty little mouth. I don't like curse words please don't use them." He asks with a smirk and yeah like he doesn't like curse words, "and two baby this is my bed."

"Ok one I sure as _hell_ am not your baby!" I hiss standing up from the ground, "and two last time I checked this was Lucas's bed."

"You think he is going to call you later?" he asks with a real weird tone that really creeps me out and I just cross my arms tight across my chest wondering where the hell my boyfriend is, "I'm sorry doll to be the one to tell you this but he won't call. I am actually surprised he let you sleep in this bed. Normally my man takes his little one night lovers to the room down the hall. Just so he doesn't dirty this bed."

"Ok I am not one of his one night lovers or however you put it." I growl.

"I see why Luke picked you last night. You are feisty and girl you are totally fine." He smirks licking his lips and having his eyes wander over my half naked body. I am quickly regretting just sleeping in his t-shirt and not any gym pants of his but hell how was I to know I was going to wake up to someone who wasn't my boyfriend. I pull the sleeves over my hands and pull the shirt stretching it out I'm sure but down my legs as far as I could just to cover as much skin as I could. At least now this perv can't see my underwear.

"Stop!" I order trying to get his eyes off me but he won't. "What is wrong with you? What kind of person just crawls into someone else's bed and rubs all up on the other person!?"

"Well it's not like this is the first time I have come over to a girl in his bed. Normally if they are slutty enough to hook up with him one night I just have to rub up on them, give them a smile and their sluttiness comes through again." he smirks that smirk again and it really makes my skin crawl, "Come on why don't you just crawl back into this bed and we have some fun?" he asks patting the bed and I look at him like he can't be serious. Yet before I can say anything I hear the front door shut and I pray to everything its Lucas or hell even Nathan would make me happy just so I am not alone.

"Lucas!" I yell as I hear a set of keys put on the counter.

"Sorry Keith called this morning; he needed me to drive by the shop to drop some stuff off. I was going to wake you but we went to bed late and I didn't want to bother you." I hear him say as he moves around the kitchen I guess starting to make coffee.

"Lucas get in here now!" I yell again keeping my eyes locked on the guy in his bed. I mean I don't want to look into his creepy eyes but least if his eyes are on mine they aren't running over my body.

"What has got you so pissed already? I haven't even been around you 5 minutes too…" he trails off walking into the room to see what I have been yelling, "Felix man what's up?" he smiles walking over giving him a guy hand shake thing as the half naked guy eases off the bed. My mouth however drops by the fact he isn't at all bothered by this scene.

"Nothing man just came into town thought I would stop by my favorite cousin's place." The Felix character smiles.

"This is your cousin?" I ask.

"Well not technically. I mean we aren't blood but his mom has known my mom for years." Lucas tells me and ok yay he has a cousin but I still don't want said cousin rubbing up on me.

"Well yay for that." I barely mutter to myself with an eye roll as they start talking and I look around the room for my pants.

"They are in the living room." Lucas says not even looking at me as he still talks to the weird perv.

"What?" the perv asks and Lucas laughs.

"My girl is looking for her pants." He says finally turning to look at me, "Though I prefer her not in them." He smirks and of course his little smirk and the wink he gives me makes me smile.

"Oh trust me I do too." Felix agrees once again licking his lips and I just glare at him.

"Dude stop looking at her." Lucas says with a laugh smacking him on the back of the head and why is it he laughs at Felix but when Nash or David looked at me he got pissed. "And while we are on my girlfriend why are you in my bed with her?"

"Because I thought she was just one of your little late night party girls." He shrugs and I see Lucas's face burn with redness clearly embarrassed I heard that. "But wait girlfriend? Did you just say girlfriend?"

"Yes I did. Brooke this is Felix, Felix my girlfriend Brooke." Lucas smiles over at me proudly and again I smile.

"Well just to let you know before she tells you I felt her up and tried to have sex with her." Felix shrugs like it was not at all a big deal.

"You did what?" Lucas snaps looking over at him and there is the boyfriend I know and love.

"It wasn't my fault." he defends and I just look at him wondering if he thinks about what he is saying before he says it. I mean hell it wasn't my fault. I was damn asleep and my hands never went near his pants.

"How do you assume that?" Lucas asks.

"Again I thought it was one of your sluts or whatever. I didn't think it was your actual girlfriend, if I did I wouldn't have crawled into bed with her." he shrugs but then looks past Lucas at me, "But then again she is pretty fine so I might have tried." He chuckles and then Lucas lets out a laugh.

"That's not funny!" I protest glaring at my boyfriend as I move over to the night stand grabbing my phone and then my shirt off the ground.

"Oh come on baby he was just kidding." He laughs grabbing my hand.

"I don't care!" I growl pulling away from him, "How would you feel if you woke up with someone's hands rubbing up all on you and then trying to slip them in the front of you pants just to find out it's not your boyfriend?!"

"Well as long as you shoved him off when you realized it wasn't me." he shrugs and I cannot believe he just said that to me. How dare he say that it's fine as long as I push him off. Well you know what Lucas Scott I know how to pissed you off just as well and I also know how to prove a damn good point.

"Oh so if I told you that night I stayed at David's I slept in his bed and he slept with me you wouldn't be mad?" I ask and see his eyes harden at the name, "That when I woke up I just assumed it was you in my little dream world and when his hand trailed a little south that it was ok because when I rolled over realizing it wasn't you I pushed him off. That because I pushed him off that makes it all ok?"

"Hell no it doesn't!" he snaps at me and I just shrug crossing my arms over my chest.

"Then what makes it ok that he does it?" I ask nodding my head at the guy sitting on his bed.

"Because David knew you were mine! He knew that we were together and…"

"But we weren't together." I shrug proud that I am winning this argument, "I wasn't yours that night. So whatever happened with David doesn't matter."

"Brooke…" he growls at me clearly wanting me to know what happened.

"Lucas." I smirk at him.

"Very good choice my man, very good choice." I hear Felix say and for the first time smiling at something the guy said.

"What happened with David?" Lucas asks and I just shrug with a smile and after a few seconds he starts to smile, "That was pretty messed up." He smiles clearly knowing I was just trying to prove a point.

"Point one to Brooke." I shrug pushing past him but he grabs my hand spinning me around to face him with a smirk.

"You always get the points." He grins stepping closer to me clearly forgetting his little cousin in the room. Well that or just not caring, "But again that was messed up."

"Again unless it's you I do not like being felt up."

"I'll be the only one to feel you up." He smirks running his hand up my bare thigh and holding onto my hip making sure my shirt has risen up and showing my black lace underwear.

"Yeah well until I say different you aren't going to get to anytime soon." I smirk back grabbing his hand and pulling it off my side making him pout.

"I'm always good at making you cave on that." he grins keeping his eyes locked on mine.

"Guys maybe I should step outside since you two clearly have some sexual tension you need to work out." Felix says.

"That would be great." Lucas grins but I shake my head no.

"Its ok Felix stay." I smile pushing my body up against my boyfriend, "You are so about to find out how great I am at teasing." I smirk leaning up to kiss him but pulling back when he leans forward.

"That's not fair." He pouts sticking out his bottom lip like a child.

"It seems very fair to me." I shrug.

"Dude this is your fault…" he informs Felix turning to look at him, "I just got my girl back now I don't get to touch her because you touched her!"

"It's not my fault!" he defended, "I saw her in your bed and man she is really hot."

"No shit she is hot! Do you know how hard it is not to touch her?" he tells him and I just laugh, trust me not touching me is not that hard but really ego boost there, "Trust me I went through months of not getting to touch her."

"Hey! You did get to touch me!" I tell him because if I remember correctly before we had sex he touched me a lot.

"But I love you and I want to touch you more." he pouts again and I just roll my eyes he is so dumb. I love him but he is dumb.

"Well let's see how much you love me over the next week or so."

"Week or so? That's like forever! Can't I just use the weeks we have been apart for like credit to the next week or so?"

"Nope." I tell him shaking my head with a smile leaning up to kiss him but stopping before he can kiss me with a smirk, "Bye Felix it was so nice waking up to you this morning." I say before walking away from my boyfriend and down the hall to the living room grabbing my jeans pulling them on hearing Lucas mumble, "Thanks a lot Felix." Yet I don't say anything just smile give him a wink and leave.

* * *

**Ok don't worry Felix is not going to mess them up. I just needed him for some stress caused to Lucas, nothing bad for him and Brooke. They aren't going to break up anymore this story they will be together from here on out. I mean there maybe some arguing, a little fighting but nothing major to break up. **

**Also I don't know if the whole Dad thing with Kylee was random for everyone but that is kind of my back story in the part of the story and since in OTH Brooke's dad has always been MIA I thought it would be ok to put it in the story. Richard has been in it a few times but I just wanted to explain the hate Brooke feels for him, kinda of like I do mine. Because like the all we have a David thing I have a Kylee who is my amazing kick ass baby sister.**

**But again with the ramble which I do way too much.**

**So please review.**

**P.S. I started a new story you should all check out. It's called Secrets its really different from my others but I think you will all enjoy so yes definitely check it out :D**

**Review :D**


	26. Chapter 26

"Happy birthday!" I smile jumping on Tony's bed as he growls rolling over covering his head with his pillow, "T wake up it's your birthday!" I laugh shaking him and he just growls more.

"B let me sleep." He groans kicking me off his bed making me laugh.

"Come on get up it's almost 10. I am personally taking you to breakfast or lunch or whatever you want." I tell him and see him smile some. Tony has never been that big on birthdays, he just wishes it would happen and we would ignore it but we aren't ignoring it. Today I am taking him to eat, then later tonight all of us, than Nash and Lucas are all going to my grandparents house for dinner, than while mom Grandma, Papa and the kids hang out upstairs all of us are going to play some games downstairs and stuff. However that is only happening if I get Tony's ass out of bed. "Fine if you don't want free food…" I shrug climbing off his bed.

"Wait I want free food." He mumbles in his pillow and I laugh.

"Then get up lazy boy!" I order smacking him on the butt as I skip out, "I will be in my room." I call as I shut the door.

I jump on my bed grabbing my phone to call Lucas because truth is I haven't exactly asked him to come tonight but I am more than sure he will. I hit 3 on my speed dial and just sit humming, picking at a string on my bed spread as it rings.

'_Hey you reached Lucas's cell sorry I can't come to my phone but leave me a message._'

"Hmm…" I pout some waiting for the beep before leaving a message, "Hey baby it's me I was just wondering what you were doing tonight. We are all going to the grandparent's house for Tony's birthday so if you want to come just call me back. Also I was going to talk to David today. I know you said you were ok with it so I was just telling you. I am going by Brady's so lots of people are around so no worries. But call me back when your free I…I love you." I smile biting my bottom lip loving how that sounds, "Bye Boyfriend."

* * *

So me and Tony skipped the breakfast this morning because he said he wasn't like really hungry yet and I could buy him lunch when he wants it. He is so dumb. But anyway we went and got stuff to make smoothies, strawberry banana smoothies his favorite and when we came home we made like 4 each. We clearly like our smoothies. But then he said he was going to go take a shower call Nash and hang out and that he would text me later about what the official plan is tonight.

Though I really liked just hanging out with big brother today I get he wants to hang out with his friends so I just smiled gave him a hug and headed off to Brady's. I'm actually a little nervous which is weird because it's David, but I think it's more my boyfriend hasn't called me back. Not a text or anything, I bet he is with Felix. I already know I don't like Felix.

"Hey D..." I smile a little nervously as I walk in giving him a small wave.

"Hey B..." He smiles back as he flips some stuff on the grill, "I'll be done in a few." He tells me and I nod looking at our normal booth but to find it occupied, but then I see the person in it and smile.

"Hey Natey." I smile skipping over to him and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey Brookie what you doing here?" he questions, "Does Luke know you're here?"

"Yes he knows I'm here." I say with a small eye roll falling into the seat across from him, "I told him I was coming to talk to David today because we have some stuff to talk about."

"You and him stuff?" he asks raising his eyebrow at me, and I know what he means. I mean hell he was there the other night and no matter how much he may love me, Lucas is still his brother.

"Not me and him stuff like me and him, like just stuff." I shrug grabbing a fry off his plate and dipping it in his ketchup, "So speaking of my broody blonde have you talked to him today?" I question trying not to sound like I was nervous by the fact I haven't talked to him since yesterday morning when I left his apartment and that's not like him. He normally text me as soon as I get to my car or at least my house.

"Why?" Nathan asks as I steal another one of his fries, "Brooke are ya'll really fighting again? Seriously you two have the most dysfunctional relationship in the world. You are either all over each other one minute or fighting or broken up the next."

"We are not like that." I defend my relationship and Nathan just gives me a yes you are look and leaning back in the booth, "Well maybe so but we aren't fighting." I tell him popping another fry in my mouth, "I am just worried because I left his place yesterday and haven't talked to him since then."

"Well I talked to him this morning so he is alive if that makes you feel better."

"It would make me feel better if my boyfriend would talk to me." I tell him, "Is Felix your cousin too?" I ask and see how Nathan gets all weird like almost just annoyed by his name.

"Felix is in town?" he growls a little and yup he is annoyed.

"Yup."

"You sure it's Felix?"

"Yup…It was him trust me. I normally remember the name of guys who I wake up to trying to stick their hand in my pants." I tell him with an eye roll still a little annoyed by that. Seriously what kind of guy just thinks that's ok?

"He did what?!" Nathan snapped.

"Wish Lucas gave that reaction instead of laughing." I say with a dry laugh because how Nathan is right now should have been how my boyfriend was.

"Lucas was ok with it?"

"I mean he wasn't ok with it but he didn't like beat the guy like he would have if it was someone else. Like if it was..." I pause nodding my head towards David who I assume is cooking our food now.

"Well that doesn't matter. No guy should ever put his hands near you unless its Lucas and Lucas should only touch you if you want him too. You think I ever touch Haley when she doesn't want me too?" He says and Nathan is really upset by this, yet I don't know if it's because it's me or if it's because Felix did it. "Hell no! I'm not stupid."

"Well it wasn't that bad. I mean I was just asleep and felt some hand on me and someone kissing my shoulder and stuff and assuming since it was my boyfriend's apartment that it was him I let it but then it felt weird and when I rolled over and saw it wasn't my boyfriend I freaked. Then when Lucas came in Felix gave some reason about he thought it was one of Lucas's one nighters and how before it worked, he didn't know it was his real girlfriend or he wouldn't have and Lucas was just like yeah and laughed."

"Felix is an ass." He growls and I nod completely agreeing.

"Nate should I worry with Felix around?" I question real nervous since Nathan seems to really hate the guy. And even though Nathan's face looks up at me and starts to soften I still am not so sure.

"No Brooke." He smiles finally patting my hand, "One thing I know for sure is my brother is crazy about you. Does Felix get him in trouble and do stupid stuff sometimes? Oh yeah, hell yes but honestly with you in his life I don't see him messing that up." He tells me and yeah that makes me feel better but at the same time confuses me a lot.

"Alright." I kind of mumble as Nathan finishes up eating and David walks over.

"Hey B." he smiles and it's clearly a real nervous one.

"Hey David." I smile back and Nathan tosses a glance between us clearly debating in his head if he is supposed to leave us alone or stay, "But Nate back to it I trust you on this right now but if I get annoyed I may call you to kick Felix's ass." I smile breaking the weird tension that surrounded us.

"Alright Brookie." He chuckles relaxing some, "I'm glad you feel like you can call me and trust me I will love to beat his ass especially if he touches you again."

"What is Felix and why is he touching you?" David asks clearly confused as he sits down next to me and handing me my food.

"Long story I'll explain later." I tell him and he still looks confused but nods anyway and I get real excited when my phone goes off thinking it's my boyfriend but then get confused when I see it's a text from Nathan.

'_Am I supposed to stay? Are you two allowed to be alone?_' I just laugh a little rolling my eyes typing back.

'_Yes its fine I promise. Lucas knows where I am and don't worry it's just David._'

'_That's why I'm worried._' He sends back and I sigh some looking at him then at David who is oblivious as he puts some salt on his fries and ketchup on his burger.

"Well I hate to leave but I have some stuff to do today." Nathan says standing up clamping his phone shut pushing it back in his pocket, "I'll see you later Brookie." He smiles leaning over kissing the top of my head and throwing away his trash, "D see ya later man thanks for the free food."

"Anytime Nate." David smiles as Nathan stands there a few more seconds then gives like a nod and heads out.

I am not too crazy about the awkward silence between me and David as we both sit here but I'm not really sure what to say. Well I know what I want to say just not really so sure how to start it.

"So what's a Felix?" David asks taking a bit of his burger.

"Oh he is like Lucas's cousin or not really cousin more like real close family friend that they call cousins. I really don't know." I kind of shrug still trying to figure out what I'm going to say.

"Well why was Lucas's cousin touching you? I may not be best friends with the guy but I can only imagine how pissed he was." David chuckles popping a fry in his mouth, "That guy is so in love with you it's crazy." He says and I just kind of look at him confused. I mean yeah I know Lucas loves me but David is acting like it's so easy. That nothing weird happened at all, "What?" he questions looking at me as a fry hangs half out of his mouth.

"How are you acting so...so calm?" I question confused, "Like whatever happened was not at all a big deal?"

"Because it's not." he shrugs.

"Ok…" I kind of mumble turning away not looking at him but then get kind of pissed off by it, "No not ok David that's messed up!" I snap clearly annoyed.

"What is?"

"What is? David not a few days ago you were going on about caring for me, wanting to be with me and if I remember correctly using even the word _love_ and now you are acting like it didn't happen. Like it's not at all a big deal?" I snap shaking my head, "Good thing I didn't go with you on the whole wanting to be with me thing if not even a few days later you don't feel the same." I kind of mumble more to myself taking a bit of my burger and maybe honestly a little hurt.

"Brooke…" he sighs next to me but I don't look at him just pick at my fries staring out at the brick wall in front of me, "God Davis why are you making this hard huh?" he questions shaking his head at me.

"Making what hard? I didn't do anything!"

"Brooke listen ok." he tells me turning in the booth taking his hands in mine and smiling that adorable little smile I love, "You're my best friend. Honestly you really are above everyone else and I do love you. I love you in the way you love a best friend and yeah ok I love you in a way you love someone who isn't your best friend."

"But…" I start to question but he just pushes his finger to my mouth to silence me.

"Listen ok just listen to me." he says and I just nod, "I didn't like Lucas. I will admit before anyone I just didn't like the guy but the other night when we were at Rachel's when I saw his face when I kissed you I..I don't know it was just clear he loved you so much more than I ever thought I could. And that's not saying that if you said that night ok let's try, I'll forget Lucas and be with you that I wouldn't have done a damn back flip and been happy because I would have Brooke. I would have been so happy. It's just again I can't love you like he does."

"You know what you mean to me David." I whisper and he nods with a smile.

"I know Brookie. I really believe you love me. I do and I think maybe on the inside somewhere deep down you love me like I love you but its different then the love you have for Lucas. You know I am not for the lovey dovey crap, I think that's why we get along so well." He laughs and it makes me laugh.

"Yeah definitely so."

"But even though I am not for that doesn't mean that I don't think everyone out there doesn't have their meant to be. Their soul mate or whatever."

"I believe that too." I agree a little nervous where he was going with that.

"But I also think you can have a soul mate but still be able to love someone else." He says and now I'm real nervous where he is going, "You know my grandma was married for 50 some odd years to Neil." He tells me and again I nod knowing this. David's grandma is really a great woman, she was really young when David's dad was born and sadly when David's dad was young his real dad died in a car crash and a few years later his grandma met Neil and they have been happily married forever, "There is no doubt in my mind that Grandmama loves Neil, we all love him but at the same time even being married 50 something years I also have no doubt my grandpa was her soul mate. Her one true love, her meant to be."

"David I really don't get what you mean." I tell him a little embarrassed I don't get how his grandma relates to us.

"I think I'm your Neil." He tells me and I sigh a little.

"David…"

"No Brooke it's so ok." he shakes his head smiling at me, "I think that we could be together, be happy but at the end of the day you will still love Lucas more and maybe not even more but different. That you like my Grandmama could love me like she loves Neil, be happy with me like she is Neil and love your life like she does hers but I also see my Grandma's face when my Grandpa's name gets brought up. That no matter who is around she hears Brian and she done. She gets that big old smile and her whole face lights up and that's kind how you do with Lucas and its cool."

"I never meant to hurt you David." I tell him cupping his cheek and stroking under his gorgeous green eyes.

"It's ok." he smiles leaning in and kissing my forehead, "I believe two people who are meant to be share a look. Together or not together if they are people who are supposed to be together they share a look and you and Lucas definitely share that look. Even broken up the look was still there and I guess I finally noticed it that night. I tried not to notice it but I did and its all good," he again shrugs "I just have to find my Brooke like Lucas or my Grandma like Grandpa did."

"You will find her David I promise." I smile and pray to everything David does because he is really one of the most amazing people I know.

"Yeah well it's ok if I don't because I got a plan already." He tells me in a matter of fact tone leaning back into the booth as he starts to eat again.

"A plan huh?"

"Yup well you see I'm thinking in oh about 30 years if Lucas completely screws up and looses you, which I believe will be the stupidest mistake he could make but if he does; I am just going to have to marry you. I mean yeah I may not like you as much as the one I stupidly let get away but hey you will do, plus you aren't terrible to look at."

"David you're so stupid." I laugh throwing a fry at him.

"Yeah but you love me for it." he laughs throwing a fry back and I just smile leaning over giving him a hug which he returns whispering "Yeah I do."

* * *

"Hey Handsome." I smile skipping over to my boyfriend as we all sit downstairs playing pool. Mom, the kids, and Grandmama, and Papa are upstairs hanging out while we are all downstairs. The boys have gotten themselves in a pretty intense pool game but then again the boys can turn anything into an intense game.

"Hey Pretty Girl." He somewhat smiles, placing his hands on my hips as he sits on a stool.

"I like your hair cut." I smile running my hand through his now shorter hair. It's not as long as it once was but it's still really cute. Hell when is he not cute.

"Thanks baby." He smiles taking my hand in his and kissing across my knuckles.

"Whatcha thinking about?"

"Nothing." He shrugs as I place my arms loosely around his neck, "How was your talk today?" he asks but it's not really like his crazy protective tone its more just like he is asking cause he thinks he has to ask.

"It was fine." I tell him honestly as we fall silent and Lucas just seems to stare off into space. He is just kind of thinking or something.

"You know how much I love you right?" he randomly says turning to look at me and it kind of catches me off guard.

"I know." I tell him slightly confused. I mean yeah its great he loves me but was kind of random, "I love you too." I smile figuring that is the only responds I can give him as he pulls me into him wrapping his arms tight around me and burying his face in my neck.

"I just want you to know that." he tells me and I just nod, "I love you so much and you are the most important thing to me."

"I know. I know I am." I tell him and he just holds me tighter, "Luke what's going on?"

"Nothing it's just..." he trails off pulling out of the hug and he is again thinking. Why is my boyfriend thinking so much?

"It's just what?" I question thinking, "Is it because of the talk with David? Is that what makes you so worried?" I ask but he just sits there a second.

"Yeah." He finally says looking down, "Yeah that's it."

"You sure?" I ask because he definitely didn't seem to sure with his answer.

"Just know I love you." he finally says and still I'm nervous but I guess all I can do is agree.

"I love you too." I smile leaning down to kiss him but then it upsets me a little when he cuts it short. He just kisses then pulls back definitely not like our normal kisses, "Lucas…"

"What?" he questions and I just look at him a little longer before shaking my head.

"Nothing." I kind of mumble falling in the seat next to him as we watch the guys play.

* * *

The rest of the night is kind like that. Lucas was quiet. He didn't talk much and was clearly thinking and it was driving me nuts. He wasn't all lovey dovey like he normally is; he isn't kissing me like crazy or pulling me into his lap. He doesn't have the constant need to have his hands all over me and I don't know why but that is making me nervous.

"Broody why you being so…broody?" I ask as we walk into my room, well not my room but my room for the night.

"Well being as you call me Broody shouldn't I be brooding?" he somewhat teases pulling his shirt off and changing into a pair of gym shorts, but it just upsets me that he isn't really laughing just kind of quiet; like he has been for most the night.

"I'm serious." I tell him pulling on my cheerleading shorts and his jacket that I love to wear so much, "Talk to me." I say walking over to him sitting on the bed and stepping between his legs placing my hands on his shoulders.

"I'm just stressed a little." He shrugs placing his hands on my hips pulling me closer to him. And honestly I can see he is stressed, he looks like he is thinking too much about stuff and just with my hands rubbing his shoulders some I feel how tense he is.

"Why don't you lie down?" I suggest and stepped away as he lies on the bed, head in the pillow and still clearly thinking. I walk over shutting the door, diming the lights before climbing on the bed and straddling his back.

"Baby I think I should be turned around for us to do this." he teases finally letting out a small laugh and I just roll my eyes.

"Shut up." I mumble as I take my hands slowly massaging up his back. And as I do this must I say that a guys' back is really kind of sexy if you think about it. I mean the muscles and their shoulders, like seriously very sexy.

"Mmm…that feels good." He tells me as he lays his head in the pillow and I really want to know why he is so tense because his whole body is just like a knotted mess.

"What's going on with you?" I ask sliding up a little on his back and start massaging his shoulders and neck.

"Nothing." He lies and I know he is lying and I hate that. I let out a long sigh that I know he hears as he flips over on his back with me still on top of him. He just stares at me and doesn't say anything and I hate that he doesn't talk to me. He just always seems to ignore anything he is worried or thinking about and I hate that.

"Lucas I love you." I whisper running my thumb over the corner of his mouth.

"I know I love you too." He whispers back with a small smile reaching up and cupping my cheek, leaning up and pulling me down a little for a kiss but I stop him before he can.

"Then why don't you ever talk to me?" I frown a bit pulling away from him, "I tell you everything. Everything I am feeling or thinking, things that worry me or stress me out everything."

"I know you do." he agrees.

"Then why don't you ever once just tell me what's going on with you?" I question because I don't want him to feel like we only have to talk about me or us. We are in a relationship we are supposed to talk about everything, if there is something that is stressing him I want him to talk to me about it.

"I don't know." he frowns resting his hands on my sides but turning his head looking away from me. I was actually kind of surprised he said he didn't know because I figured he would argue saying he does talk to me but least he agrees, "I just don't want you to worry about my problems." He shrugs.

"Lucas you're my boyfriend of course I want you to tell me things." I tell him not really annoyed but with a hit of annoyance in his answer, "I know for a fact if I never told you what I was worried about you would be more than pissed off at me."

"That's completely different." He tries to argue but I know he knows that is a pointless argument, of course it's not different.

"Not even a little." I argue.

"Brooke you have slowly become the most important thing in my life." he tells me and yeah that makes me feel good but still doesn't help he doesn't open up to me about things, "I feel like I have my life before you that I don't really like, then my life with my family problems and all that and then I have my life with you. My life with you is the only one I want to think about when I'm with you."

"Why can't you just have one life? I don't want you to change everything for me Lucas."

"No it's not like that. It's just…" he trials off like searching for his words or something, "My life, our life…" he says waving his hand between us, "To me is perfect. I mean yeah we have our problems but to me it's perfect. Yet then my life with my family and everything is so far from perfect and I guess when I am with you I like the perfect feeling. The not having to worry or stress about anything because I am just with you. I am just happy."

"But I want to be in your whole life…" I sigh a little, "Lucas we have known each other for over 9 months now. We have been dating really for about 6 of those months and do you realize other then Nathan I have met no one else in your life. I mean yeah I may be met Felix but all I hear is you talk about them. I have never actually met any of them and from what you say they are the most important thing to you. So if I am on that list why not let me meet them?" I question.

"I don't know." he whispers to me.

"I know this Lucas, I love this Lucas but I want to know the other one. I want to know the one before me and the one with your family."

"I don't really like the person before you." he confesses stroking my cheek, "Brooke even though I dated Aislinn most through college I wasn't that great of a guy before that. I really wasn't that great of a guy at the beginning of that and I don't want that to affect us."

"Why would it if it's your past?"

"Because…" he pauses closing his eyes for a second then opening them back up and staring right out the ceiling, "At first…at the beginning of me and Aislinn dating I…I cheated on her…more than once."

"Oh…" seems to be the only thing that will escape my lips because I don't know what to say. I mean he cheated on her, he didn't cheat on me but then again does that whole once a cheater always a cheater apply here? I want to say no, I really want to say no but still it's kind of hard.

"I regret it. I do. I regret it so much but I did. She knew I did and forgave me but I don't know I guess until I saw myself losing her I didn't really care what I was doing." He tells me and with those words my whole mind goes into over drive. He didn't care until he saw himself losing her? Well before we got together for real Theresa threw herself at him completely. She kissed him that night and really seemed comfortable doing it so what if they did sleep together or something? What if until he saw himself losing me he didn't care what he was doing? But then again Theresa would have rubbed it in. She would have bragged.

"_So you two are the real deal huh?" _

"_Yes Theresa he is my boyfriend." _

"_Your boyfriend that you don't sleep with." _

"_I don't see how that is any of your business." _

"_I am just saying B, boys have needs and I don't think Lucas over there will wait forever. I mean I am sure that boy could have any girl he wants." _

"_Don't you have a fiancé you should be bothering?" _

"_Oh we are on a break."_

Oh my god! What if she totally hooked up with my boyfriend and I didn't know it! She had sex with Lucas and then came up to me about his needs, about him not waiting forever, and how she was on a break. Yet even not on a break she would have gone after him. I stood there not having a clue and she just smirked loving the fact she had him before me.

Oh my god the guy I lost my virginity too had sex with Theresa! He touched her and kissed her and was inside her all before me! How could he do that? How could he sleep with her and then lie to me about it!

I think I am going to be sick.

"Brooke?" he says but I just turn my head staring at the wall trying to let all this soak in, damn my what ifs, "Brooke…" he repeats grabbing my chin to look at me and I just pull my face away from his hand.

"Don't…just don't touch me for a second." I tell him closing my eyes and feeling my heart race. I can't be upset can I? If he slept with her I can't be mad because we weren't together. Yet I asked him, I asked him point blank if he had sex with her and he told me no. What if it was the regret? That's why he said no, it was the regret. But hell you think the guilt would have kicked in or something. Yet does he even have anything to feel guilty about?

"Brooke what are you thinking? What's wrong?" he asks and I let out a dry laugh. What's wrong is I am trying to figure out if the boy I love had sex with someone I have slowly grown to hate.

"I umm…I…"

"You what?" he asks sitting up with me still in his lap and I still just sit there dumb founded by all this.

"Did you sleep with her?" my voice whispers out so low I swear if he wasn't right here he wouldn't have heard it.

"What? I don't know what you are talking about? Did I sleep with who?" he asks but again I fall quiet as I feel everything inside me shaking.

"I mean she said some stuff but I really didn't think about it until now." I tell him still a little confused, still not looking at him, "Yet now when I think about it she was way into if we slept together yet, way into knowing our personal business." My voice cracks shaking my head trying to get it all out of my head.

"Ok baby you are really freaking me out what are you talking about?" he asks but I just look off into space, "Brooke…" he says placing both hands on my cheeks to turn and look at him, "Pretty Girl what is going on?"

"You had sex with her. You had sex with Theresa." I say to him and see as his eyes widen to look at me pretty much confirming all my thoughts, "Oh my god you had sex with Theresa..." I repeat but more of a whisper to myself covering my hand over my mouth as I crawl out of his lap standing in the middle of the room.

"No, no, no this is exactly what I didn't want to happen." he tells me running his hand through his hair.

"What for me to find out?" I ask turning to look at him, but he shakes his head no.

"No for you to question everything that has happened between us. Question how I feel about you! How much I love you!"

"I'm not questioning things Lucas." I tell him and he looks at me confused, "I know you love me. I know with everything inside of me that you love me and wouldn't cheat on me."

"Then why…"

"I know that _now_ Lucas." I cut him off and he looks at me confused, "I didn't know that then. You didn't love me then. So yeah you can see why I am questioning it. You can see why if you cheated on her and screwed around all up until the moment you saw yourself losing her why I would be questioning things."

"Brooke..." he says reaching for me but I just step back from him.

"So all I need to hear from you is when you saw yourself losing me? When did it hit you? Because I will tell you one thing Lucas Scott I can handle a lot. I can forgive pretty much anything or everything you do or say but I will not handle a cheater. I will not be ok knowing someone I love more than anything had sex with someone he knew I hated. Then lying to me about it when I asked." I tell him and feel my heart race faster as he climbs off the bed now standing in front of me.

"Then you hear this Brooke Davis I. LOVE. YOU." he tells me holding on tight to both my arms looking me dead in my water filled eyes, "I don't love anyone else, and I don't think about anyone else and don't even look at anyone else because all I need and want is you!"

"When did you realize that though Lucas? When did you realize any of that?" I question and I know he feels my body shaking in his arms, "If it took you months of dating Aislinn to realize that then how long did it take with me?"

"I remember the first time I saw you, the real you." he smiles completely ignoring my question and that makes me nervous, "You were sitting on a stool with Rachel by your side. Ya'll were talking and laughing…"

"You've told me this before Lucas." I interrupt but he just shakes his head at me.

"That was the first time I ever saw you Brooke. But the first time I really saw you Brooke was completely different." He tells me and I just look at him completely confused, "We were all sitting there watching the movie and you were on the floor with your legs cross and leaning against the fire place. You took your hand and tucked a stand of hair behind you ear." He smiles like he is remembering this little scene perfectly, "You had your phone in your hand and kept bouncing it from one hand to the other. Even though it never went off you checked it like a million times to see if you got a message, but you had this look…" he pauses squinting a bit like he was trying to remember it, "It was like you were so lonely. Like even with everyone in the room and all the laughing and joking you had earlier that when the night was coming to a close you felt alone and for reasons I didn't even know but for some reason I wanted to make sure you never got that look again."

"Luke…" I whisper feeling dumb for picking an argument with him.

"So you ask when realized I wanted you?" he asks with a smile playing in his lips, "I realized it the moment you looked away from your phone and up at me. It was no longer then a few seconds but you looked up and gave me a small smile. You held my gaze those few seconds until Theresa started talking to me and you just shook you head and looked away but I still held my gaze on you." he says and I just giving him a small sad smile, "You Brooke Davis make me feel things and think things I have never felt or thought about anyone in my life and I felt it all that night with that one smile. So…" he finally smiles sliding his hands down my arms and taking my hands in his, "In the last 9 months I have kissed only three people." He tells me holding up three fingers, "Aislinn which you saw and I regret it more than anything, Theresa who was doing it in a drunken state, and you." he finishes tapping my nose with the one finger he had left holding up, "And in the last 9 months I have had sex a good amount of times." He confesses and my heart speeds up, "But it has only been with one person."

"That's me right?" I ask stupidly and he laughs shaking his head at me.

"Yes Pretty Girl that's you." he smiles lifting my chin giving me a loving kiss, "I love you Brooke. You mean everything to me I'm not going to mess that up." He tells me and I of course go all stupid looking at him with a smile.

"Well then why the hell did you scare me like that!?" I ask coming out of my daze and slapping him on the chest, "Making me think you were about to drop a heartbreaking secret about sleeping with someone else or something."

"I never said anything about sleeping with someone else. You just let your mind wonder too much." He smiles wrapping his arms around my waist and I rest my head on his chest.

"It's only because I know you can do better." I shrug, "I know you can find someone way better than me and truth is some days I count down the day until that happens."

"Are you serious right now?" he questions and I just stay quiet, "One day you are going to realize how amazing you are Brooke Davis." He whispers to me dropping his head down kissing my shoulder and nuzzling his face in my neck, "And I'm counting down the days until that happens."

* * *

I roll over in my bed placing my head on my boyfriend's chest snuggling closer to him. I always love his little Lucas Scott spills of perfection and last night he once again surprised me with one. I love how he remembered the first night he met me. The first time I looked at him and smiled and he really notice pretty much everything. That's pretty amazingly sweet.

"You're perfect." I mumble against his chest wrapping my arm over his chest and tangle my legs in his.

"Thanks." I hear him chuckle and his chest vibrate underneath me. And ok though I may have not had many cuddle buddies, I believe Lucas is the best. Again I am completely bias but even so I will choose to believe I am right.

"So Perfect Boy…" I smile rolling over on top of him; sitting up straddling his waist with a smile.

"Oh I love waking up and having you being so…" he trails off letting his smile turn into a little devilish grin and I just cover his mouth with my hand.

"Odds are good Broody you probably shouldn't finish that sentence." I grin and he just bites the palm of my hand making me pull it back real quick and him flipping me over so he is on top of me. I really don't have time to say anything else to him before he has my hands pinned above my head and his mouth is locked on mine but I really am not complaining.

"You're so gorgeous…" he mumbles against my lips making me smile, "I really do love you more than anything baby girl."

"I love you more than anything too." I mumble back as he releases one of my hands and runs it down my body to my hip pulling me into him and I just roll us back over so I am back on top of him, "I forgot…" I mumble in our kiss as I start to slide my hips back and forth grinding against him.

"Forgot what…" he asks and I smile when I feel him trying to control himself as I move a little harder against him.

"That I'm going to be teasing you a few weeks." I smirk pulling out of his kiss.

"Ugh!!" he growls leaning up to kiss me but I just pushing him down, "Baby you are not at all…uhh…" he grunts grabbing my hips and stopping me from moving, "You're not being fair." He tells me and I shrug giving a smile.

"I'm going to go take a shower. Do you want to take your cold shower first?" I tease climbing off his lap.

"I'm so getting you back for this." he pouts a little and I just laugh skipping off into the bathroom.

What beats a hot shower? I'll tell you nothing! Like seriously the hot water running all over you, and the best part is my grandparents have this like jet sorta head thing that just feels so amazing on your back and head. I wish this was my shower all the time.

Yet then my happy loving shower head moment comes to a halt when I hear the curtain open behind me and then I go into complete freak out mode. I mean yeah I know who it is but it still freaks me out, I mean I have never been in the shower with him. I mean yeah he has asked before, asked me to shower with him but I never once agreed. Never got in it with him.

"Luke…" my voice breaths out nervously as his arms wrap around my waist from behind burying his head in my neck.

"Why don't we ever do this?" he questions kissing up my neck.

"You know why?" I tell him crossing my arms over my body feeling uncomfortable.

"Brooke you know I have seen you naked so many times." He tells me and yes that's true, but still. Honestly him being naked around me doesn't bother me at all, me on the other hand so much.

"Those times are different. Me being naked with you in my bed, or your bed, covered by you and my sheets or your sheets or who's ever, in the dark." I ramble, "Is completely different then me standing completely naked in front of you, in a well lit bathroom." I don't know why that is weird or whatever to me but it is. To me it's completely different, I'm exposed here.

"Brooke I know your body even in a dim lit room." He tells me, "I know about your freckle right here…" he says running his hand up the inside of my thigh stopping at my freckle, "I know that you have a scar right here…" he tells me running his hand up my side to a scar underneath my arm, "I also know that right here…" he mummers against my neck tilting my head to the side and stroking just the low of my neck, "You have a birth mark that unless you look real close you don't even see."

"I don't know why it makes me so nervous being naked in front of you. It just does." I confess looking down and feeling stupid.

"I get it." he nods against my neck standing behind me thinking for a second before spinning me around in his arms and pushing his body right against mine, "See…" he shrugs.

"See what?"

"Your naked right now right?" he asks and I nod giving him a confused look, "You say when we sleep together it doesn't freak you out as much because I'm covering you. Well right now I am covering all of you again; your whole body is completely covered by mine." He says with a small smile making me smile shaking my head at him, "But honestly I love your body Brooke. I love every curve, every mark, everything it is I love. When I'm with you, whether it's in my bed, your bed or anywhere else all I think about is being with you, being with my girlfriend, the girl I love and I'm not like judging your body or comparing it to someone. All I am thinking is that I am insanely in love with this gorgeous girl."

"I don't know why you put up with all my crazy feelings and worries." I say with a dry laugh running my hand through his damp hair.

"Because again I am insanely in love with you." he repeats leaning in and capturing my lips, "But if you want I can keep my eyes closed." He teases and I just laugh shaking my head at him.

"You're so stupid." I laugh tilting my head to the side as he starts to kiss down my neck, "Luke this is my grandparent's house. Everyone is somewhere here."

"Not like we haven't before." He mumbles as he pulls my body if possible even closer to his and I'm glad I got my touchy Lucas back. I love my touchy all the time Lucas.

"God I love you." I smile as he kisses me on my mouth and we move backwards until my back is against the cold tile

"Mhmm…" he agrees against my mouth as he starts to kiss down my body.

"Luke…" I gasp out as he starts to kiss up my thigh, "Mmm." Comes out as my body spasms and whole body shutters. It amazes me that as soon as his mouth makes contact with my body I already shudder,

His tongue runs up my body kissing every part of me before slipping pass my lips into my mouth, "Luke…I..." I shudder as his finger runs down my side and I feel his knee rub against me.

"You what?" he whispers kissing each corner of my lips then planting a soft one my mouth.

"I need…" I gasp a little as he rubs his knee a little more against me and I feel my body hating him for teasing me, "Lucas please." I beg as one of my arms hang loosely over his shoulder and my cheek rubs against his as he kisses my shoulder.

"Please what?" he asks slipping his finger further down my body then tracing circles on the inside of my thigh, "Come on baby just tell me." he again asks kissing my neck and I run one foot up his leg digging my toe nails into his calf.

"Please don't tease me." I whimper as I clamp on some skin on his neck.

"Tell me what you want." he repeats pulling his leg back and lifting me up in his arms both my legs holding on perfectly around his hips.

"I just want you." I tell him pushing my lips against his as they feel like the melt together, "God Luke all I want is you." I tell him as he kiss me a little longer pushing me into the hot water and up against the tile wall behind us, "Uhh…" escapes me as in one quick motion he slides into me.

When I feel him smirk in our kiss I just grunt a little with his arrogance, his smirk, like he is almost in control of my body, in control of what I'm feeling. That with his movements whether fast or slow, depends on what noise slips out from my mouth. He is a cocky ass. A cocky ass that I love but still a cocky ass.

"You feel so good." He mumbles against my skin and now I somewhat get the feeling of being a little cocky. Knowing that for a fact no other girl makes him feel what I do. That what he feels for me no other girl has ever been able to accomplish.

"Mmm…" I grin biting on his bottom lip pulling it back then releasing it making it a little more swollen before slamming them back against mine. "Oh god Luke..." I moan as he moves faster within me digging my nails deep into his back.

"Brooke?" I think I hear but right now I'm not even sure what I am hearing over the water and the grunting of Lucas against my neck, "Brooke sweetie are you in there?" I hear the sweet voice of my grandmother and I freak.

"Shit." I freak with my grandmother right outside the bathroom yet curse when it comes out like a gasp since Lucas chose right at the moment to thrust hard into me, "Luke it's my grandmother." I whisper but he just kisses me again.

"I locked to door." he mumbles against my mouth like that makes it ok.

"Uhh…" I moan closing my eyes and grabbing onto the shower head above me as he starts to move faster.

"Breakfast is ready when you're done." She tells me I guess thinking my Uhh was a huh.

"Al- uhh god." I moan biting down hard onto Lucas's shoulder and he just grunts gripping tighter on me, "Alright." I finally get out wishing either she would walk away or Lucas would quit secretly praying for the former.

"Do you want me to wake up Lucas?" she questions and oh my god Grandmama I love you but please go away.

"Do you like showering with me now?" Lucas smirks kissing me hard on to lips before moving to my neck and sucking harder than ever.

"Uhh god yes…" I moan and I swear if my eyes were not shut they would be rolling into the back of my head. This is not like anytime we have been together; we aren't going slow like normal. He isn't taking time like he normal does to explore my entire body with his kisses, or anything. We aren't making slow gentle love like normal, this time together can only be classified as fast, rough, passionate almost like our bodies on fire begging for the other and damn it feels amazing, "God yes." I repeat placing my hands on both his cheeks that have stubble where he hasn't shaved in a few days and I just love pulling him into a hard rough kiss.

"Alright well I'll go get him up for you." she tells me and I think trying to remember what she just said.

"Wait no!" I yell pulling away from Lucas and feel him laugh against my neck, "He uhh Lucas…" I try to think but find it difficult with Lucas doing what he is doing and moving his lips down my neck and the collar bone before clamping onto some skin just below my collar bone and sucking, "He doesn't…Mmm..." I close my eyes enjoying the feeling my body was getting, "He's moody in the morning." I gasp out ranking my nails down my boyfriend's back, "I'll get him when I'm done…god…" I breathe out biting on his shoulder.

"Alright sounds good." She calls giving the door a soft knock then I guess, no pray goes back downstairs.

"Shit baby." Lucas grunts thrusting hard into me as I feel myself tighten around him and slide me down his body to stand up both breathing heavy as his head rest on the wall behind me, my body pinned between him and the wall.

"If she heard me…" I breathe out heavy as my chest raises and drops, "Then I'm going to kill you." I laugh a little and feel him laugh in my ear, "Well worth it."

* * *

"Morning everyone." I skip down the stairs into the kitchen with a smile.

"Morning sweetie." My mom smiles as I kiss her cheek and grab a piece of pineapple from the plate in front of me.

"Where is Luke?" Jay questions.

"Oh like I told Grandmama Lucas is the moodiest person to wake up. I swear he sleeps like no one I know." I tell them and see Grandmama poke Papa in the side and he smiles shaking his head at her. I guess Papa sleeps crazy too, "But he will be down in a second." I tell them and if right on cue my gorgeous boyfriend shuffles his feet into the kitchen rubbing the back of his neck.

"Morning." He fake yawns and I just laugh shaking my head at him. My little actor, "Morning Pretty Girl." He smiles kissing the side of my head as he walks over to pour him some coffee.

"Nice of you to join us Luke. Your sweet little girlfriend was just telling us how moody you are in the mornings." Tony teases and I roll my eyes; that was not what I meant.

"She was, was she?" Lucas smiles walking over pinching my sides making me jump back with a small yelp, "Well we can't all be so damn chipper like her in the mornings." He teases getting a laugh from everyone and an eye roll from me.

"Well I just know how to start my morning right." I shrug taking his coffee from him and taking a sip not missing the sneak little smirk my boyfriend gets. I'm like 90% sure he is replaying this morning in his head and I love him but he needs to stop, it's a little embarrassing. I mean yeah I sometimes think about him and us especially when we were broken up but that was different. I don't know why but it is.

"Well tell me your secret because I personally hate getting up in the mornings." Papa groans a little clearly thinking about having to get up this morning.

"A good hot shower normally does the trick." I smile a little too big trying to hide it behind my coffee cup, well Lucas's coffee cup as I take sip.

"Noted." Papa laughs as he starts to help Grandmama pick up some of the dirty dishes.

"Lucas you want to ride me on the 4 wheeler?" Kylee asks him with the sweetest smile ever.

"Are you allowed to ride on the 4 wheeler?" he questions raising and eyebrow at her.

"Yes but no one ever takes me on it." she pouts a little and we all roll our eyes at her dramatics.

"That's because Kylee can't sit still on it." Nash informs Lucas with a laugh. Kylee has done this little sweet smile please before with Nash and he of course fell for it. We all told him not to but him being Nash he did and while driving Kylee shifted backwards like she always does pushing Nash back and his hand slipped driving them right into the creek. Now Nash believes us.

"I can to sit still Nash just has little arms and not great hands." She shrugs blaming the fact Nash let go of the break button on the handle because his hands weren't strong enough to hold on and got tired with a cramp, "Lucas I'm sure has better hands."

"Oh Lucas has amazing hands." I wave at her and everyone's eyes widen a little before laughing.

"Nice one baby." He laughs over my shoulder taking his cup back and sipping on it. I stand a little confused until I take in what I said.

"So not what I meant!" I shriek a little embarrassed.

"Mhmm alright." Mom nods with a clearly fake nod of agreeing.

"Its not! I just meant he is good with his hands, he has strong hands." I try to recover but fail badly.

"B we don't need to know how good his hands are." Jay cringes a little thinking about it and I turn even redder.

"Stop I didn't mean it like that." I pout a little.

"Its ok honey bun I know what you meant." Papa smiles that sweet warm smile I love so much and I can't help but skip over giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks Papa I love you." I smile standing next to him and picking at a piece of ham he was cutting for the biscuits.

"Love you too." He kisses the top of my head, "Your Grandmama tells me I have great hands too."

"Oh my god!" we all freak everyone but Nash and Lucas who die laughing and my Grandmother who nods kissing his cheek.

"I seriously love this family." Nash shakes his head sipping on his juice.

"I seriously hate them all." I growl walking over and leaning on the counter, "Ya'll are all just dirty pervs." I inform them all getting once again a laugh.

* * *

"Hey baby girl." I hear looking up to see mom step out onto the screen in porch I have been sitting on for the last few minutes.

"Hey momma." I smile as she kisses the side of my head handing me a cup of coffee. I pull my knees up against my chest so she can take a seat next to me on the old swing Grandpa made, "Whatcha thinking about?" I question knowing that look to well. It's her thinking, worried face, her I want to ask but scared to face. It's pretty much the mirror to mine.

"Your 18." She comments and I nod since I know this, "And you love that boy like crazy I am pretty 100% sure on." She says as we look down in the backyard at the guys and Kylee getting out all the 4 wheelers.

"Yeah mom I really am." I smile sipping on my coffee.

"So I am not sure how to ask. How to question it or how to even bring it up." She somewhat rambles and I grow more than nervous, more than freaked out, "I mean I guess I always wished and hoped you would find someone that makes you happy, but I was also scared only because even with my little girl happy the thought of some things that go with being happy in a relationship freak me out." She explains and I nod slowly starting to get what she is talking about.

"Mom you can ask." I tell her staring at my coffee cup rubbing my index finger along the rim of my cup.

"I know I can." She smiles a little resting her hand on my knee, "But I'm pretty sure I already know the answer." She shrugs a little and I nod feeling almost guilty.

"I'm sorry if I disappointed you because of it." my throat kind of tightens as I tilt my head to the side and rest my chin on my knee.

"Trust me baby that doesn't make me feel disappointed." She smiles shaking her head brushing her hand through the top of my hair, "It's just like the realization you're not a baby anymore."

"I know." I whisper with a nod.

"Was it before or after the break up ya'll had?" she asks and though I know some girls maybe completely weirded out with their mom asking, I'm not. One thing I have always been comfortable with is talking to my mom about things. Anything I can talk to her about and it doesn't make me uncomfortable or grossed out or whatever, I love the fact I can talk to her about everything.

"It was before a few weeks before Christmas." I tell her and watch as she adds up all the months we were together before it happened, "Four months." I help her out with, "I knew him four months, dated only about two."

"Alright." She nods and I can tell by her face she is trying to fight the battle within her that is trying to figure out how she really feels about it only being four months of knowing him, "Are you happy with the choice you made?" she asks and I sit there a second thinking.

"You once told me that one day I would meet someone and it just be there you know." I start saying and she just nods, "Well I couldn't tell you what it was but I just knew he was the one. That even if in ten years he isn't here and I am with someone else or in twenty I have a daughter who asks if my first time I waited for the right person. If the first time I ever had sex was it perfect, was it magical and was it not in a state of just being stupid and drunk like most my friends, then I can honestly tell her yes. When she says its hard dealing with the pressures of sex and boys and that her friends all do it why not her and I can say because I did it." I shrug and she smiles.

"It was magical?" she grins as she starts to relax in this conversation and I nod with a smile.

"I was scared, I mean I was petrified." I tell her honestly and she nods knowing what I mean, "But it wasn't the fear of sex, it wasn't the act of it or anything it was the thought of the people before me. The thought that I would be compared; that I wouldn't add up. I was so scared that for me it be perfect since I mean I had nothing to compare to but for him what if he think it was like terrible."

"I doubt he would ever think that."

"I know he wouldn't. It was just a stupid insecurity in me that I couldn't rid myself of."

"Then what changed your mind?"

"There was this moment," I smile thinking about it, picturing it, "and Lucas looked at me. We were just sitting there was everyone else moved around the room talking and joking and he just looked at me and it was a look no one has ever given me before." I tell her still not forgetting it, "His eyes just had this sparkle in them and the way his arm felt around me almost protecting, then he smiled kissing me. It was just a simple short kiss but something in me just realized he really cared for me. That for some reasons I still have yet to figure out he wanted to be with me and I don't know something in me just made me realize he wasn't going to hurt me. He wasn't going to take for granted what I was giving him and he was really going to do anything he could to make me feel comfortable. Make me feel right."

"That makes me feel so much better." She breaths out looking back at everyone in the backyard below us.

"I wish I could explain it." I say as I follow her gaze to the back yard, "I wish I could explain what he makes me feel. Like I know its love but I wish I could put into words what it feels like."

"Usually love can't be put into exact words. It's just like a feeling you know is there but can't really say it." she agrees placing her hand on her heart and I totally agree.

"Yeah. Like I don't know when he looks at me I seriously just smile like a moron. Or he does something as simple as touch my knee or wrap his arms around me and I get like goose bumps and it kind of scares me." I tell her honestly with a small shrug, "I'm almost scared with how much I care for him."

"You know…" she turns to look at him, "I love that you have my eyes, that you have my coffee addiction and that you have my laugh. I love that you have that attitude like mine that on more than one occasion has worked against me." she teases and I let out a laugh, "But I don't love that you got my insecurities. That you have my worries about love and that even when you find love the fear of it doesn't let you give yourself 100% to him."

"I gave him everything else." I shrug, "I gave him really all I have to offer. I mean he consumes my thoughts and he has my body and pretty much my entire heart. I really don't know what else I could give him."

"Brooke your heart is one of the most amazing things you have. You don't really show it to people often and again that's something you have gotten from me. Yet when you let people see its great and you let Lucas see it. Hell you let him see part of it and he fell for you, can't you imagine the feeling when you give him your heart completely?"

"Last night Lucas told me something." I tell her running my finger across my cup, "I mean I know he has never done it to me. There really isn't a doubt in my mind but there is still a fear he might. Like he might get bored with me after awhile and do it again."

"What he tell you?"

"He told me that he cheated on his ex girlfriend." I tell her wondering if I should be worried, "I mean I know he loves me and I know he hasn't yet but there is always that saying once a cheater always a cheater."

"There is also a saying 'People who are meant to be always find a way in the end'" she smiles and I nod, "I think there can be a guy out there who is just reckless. They get in trouble, run around, _cheat_. They just do whatever they want not giving a care at all in the world. However even when they are like that there is always just one person who they are dumb over. They fall hard for and fast and its crazy and they almost want to fix their ways to be right for that person. Be someone who deserves to be with that person. And the look that boy down there gives you I don't doubt you are that person for him."

"Yeah…"

"I wouldn't send you down a trail that would lead you to heart break." She smiles that mothering smile brushing my hair back, "I'm not saying that Lucas won't break your heart because honestly I think what you feel for him he could. Yet I also believe he will try everything he can not to break your heart."

"He keeps promising me that. Keeps saying if you just give it to me I promise I will protect you but I don't know sometimes I'm just scared."

"Its so ok to be scared." She smiles tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, "But it's also so ok to do it. Life is completely about taking risk and you have to decided which ones are worth the risk and Lucas Scoot seems like a pretty good risk to take."

"I sucks that I'm 18, kind of wished I was older when I met him because at 18 it's hard to imagine being with someone forever but I just want to be with him forever." I tell her with a small laugh because it's true. I really don't want to picture a day where Lucas isn't in my life.

"Well I think at 18 you can find love and I think at 18 you did and I think that he might stay around for awhile." She laughed at me and I nod because she is right, mom is always right, "Just give him your heart sweetie. You don't want to not give it to him fully and because of that you lose him." She says patting my leg and falling back into the seat with a smile, "So…tell me about this magical stuff." She smiles and I laugh but of course start to tell her.

* * *

Walking to the backyard I smile at everything in front of me. Lucas is off riding the 4 wheeler with Kylee and she is just laughing like crazy. My baby sister definitely has a crush on my boyfriend which I find very cute. Then Jason is riding Aiden on the other 4 wheeler of Papa's and then Tony is sitting on the back of Papa's old pickup truck along with Nash.

"My boys." I greet jumping up between them on the truck.

"My Brooke." Nash laughs wrapping his arm around my shoulder giving me a small one armed hug.

"What you doing?" I ask Tony who is smiling like a dork as he texts someone.

"Nothing." He shrugs trying to knock off his smile but when his phone starts going off again it pops back.

"Tony who are you texting?" I question leaning over to look but he just pulls it away, "Tony Richard Davis!"

"Brooke Penelope Davis!" He mocks giving me an amused look as he puts his phone in his pocket and Nash just laughs.

"B relax he is just texting his girlfriend." Nash teases giving his body a little wiggle on the word girlfriend.

"Dude shut up!" He growls punching him in the arm just making Nash laugh more.

"Tony!" I grin big over at him.

"Brooke I am not texting my girlfriend. I do not have a girlfriend." He clarifies as Lucas and Kylee pull up.

"What we talking about?" Kylee asks jumping off the bike walking over and jumping up next to Nash.

"Tony's girlfriend." I smile and he rolls his eyes.

"Aw so you finally admit Ryann is your girlfriend huh?" Lucas raises his eyebrow at him.

"She is not my girlfriend!" Tony says throwing his hands up in the air.

"Ryann! Your texting Ryann?" I ask excited and he just rolls his eyes again as he starts texting again, "Tony!"

"It is not that big of a deal."

"She thought it was a big deal when you saw her yesterday." Lucas says and Tony just lets out another grunt.

"Yesterday? You saw her yesterday?" I ask confused to why I didn't know this. Tony tells me everything.

"He had lunch with her yesterday." My boyfriend informs me and I look at my brother shocked.

"Tony! Is that why we didn't go to lunch?" I ask and he just shrugs, "Why didn't I know this? And wait how did you know this and I didn't?" I look over at my boyfriend, I mean I know him and Tony are good friends but still I should know before him.

"I don't know because he was with me." Tony lets me know and now I am more confused.

"Your cheating on me with my brother!" I yell but not really mad at my boyfriend and everyone laughs at me.

"Babe it's not that big of a deal. Tony called to see what I was doing and while hanging out Ryann asked if he wanted to come have lunch with her so we did." Lucas shrugs.

"Well I don't know how I feel about my boyfriend and brother being best friends." I mumble a little crossing my arms over my chest like a child getting a laugh.

"Brooke wouldn't you prefer us being friends then hating each other?" Lucas asks and I just scoff at the thought.

"Not if you like hanging out with him more than me." I pout as Jason and Aiden pull up, "I mean I am your girlfriend you are supposed to want to hang with me first not Tony. Tony really isn't that fun to hang with." I lie and again they laugh.

"Oh come here." Lucas rolls his eyes grabbing my hand and pulling me off at the truck into him, "You are definitely my favorite Davis to hang out with." he informs me wrapping his arms around my waist and dropping a kiss on the top of my head.

"Well that sounds better." I smile turning around in his arms and pulling them around me as I look back at my family, "Ha in your face." I joke at Tony sticking out my tongue and get a laugh from everyone.

"But really Brookie we like Lucas. You should be happy we finally like someone you bring around." Jason says, "Your taste in guys has always sucked." He says and my eyes widen and jaw drops.

"It does not!" I protest.

"Yeah they kinda do. I mean there was MJ, he was just a tool." Tony says and I scoff crossing my arms over my chest.

"Don't forget Travis, remember how he would call in the middle of the night at like 3 in the morning and piss mom off." Kylee laughs.

"Oh then I don't know my feelings about anything Shane." Nash adds and ok why is my family teaming up against me.

"Now he was a tool." Lucas mumbles over my shoulder and I roll my eyes. I may be over him and love Lucas but he wasn't a tool.

"Oh remember Dillon. He was so dumb." Aiden continues the little list and my jaw drops in disbelief my little brother, my baby brother is not on my side with this.

"Oh then of course let's not the pain in the ass Mr. David Horton." Tony finishes and oh my god will they drop the whole David is an ass thing.

"Ok now that guy is a fuc-" Lucas starts to say but I spin in his arms and slam my hand over his mouth to stop him.

"Language mister!" I point in his face with a almost mother scolding her child and hear everyone laugh behind me. However Lucas being my Lucas I do love so much he just bites down on the palm of my hand making me yelp yanking it away.

"I don't like him." He goes with and I just roll my eyes leaning up and kissing him. Yet once again he is different. He isn't kissing me like he did in the shower or this morning in bed. It's like a quick peck and he pulls away quick.

"Luke…" I frown a little and he looks at me confused.

"What? What's wrong?" he questions and I don't know maybe the fact my boyfriend is being funny kissing me and jumping in the shower with me this morning; then not even wanting to really touch me now.

"Come on lets go for a ride." I mumble a little taking his hand and just happy he doesn't yank away from me as we walk over to the bike.

I tell Lucas I will drive the bike since I know where I am driving and I drive back into my grandparent's woods to a small little shack he built a few years back. It's not big at all, like I seriously think he got bored so he built this thing. All it has in it is lots of stuff he uses in his garden, a small mini fridge that has a few drinks in it, then this like wooden thing that could has a cushion on it to sit when he gets to hot and needs to cool off and not having to go all the way back to the house.

But ok the point behind this little coming here is because I want to test something; I want to see how my boyfriend acts now that we are in a closed shack in the back of the woods alone. I want to see how my boyfriend kisses me now.

"So your grandpa built this?" Lucas asks as we get off the motorcycle and I just nod as I walk over to where he hides the key to get in, "He really is pretty great at building stuff."

"Yup." I agree as I unlock the door and open it up. I don't really say much about what's going on. I just open the door take one step into the dark room then spin to face my boyfriend, "Come here." I whisper low and raspy grabbing onto his collar and yanking him down to kiss me.

"Mmm…alright." He smiles in our kiss as he quickly wraps his arms around my waist and we stump back into the room as Lucas picks me up and sits me on the wooden thing. He nibbles and sucks on my bottom lip until slipping his tongue past it and into my mouth.

I run my hands down his chest grabbing onto his belt and pulling him even closer to me as my legs wrap around his waist. I slightly wiggle my hips against him knowing if there weren't clothes between us I would be feeling my boyfriend right now and there is definitely a part of me that wants that.

Now when his hands move to undo my jeans and his perfect mouth starts to attack my neck I have my proven point so I should stop him yet… I don't.

I can't help it I am not like some sex addicted never got any now I do have to have it all the time person but I am damn human and the tickling feeling of his stubble along my neck and the burning in my throat as his lips sucks toward the low of my neck I can't help but let it last a little longer.

"Ok…stop…" I gasp out pushing his chest back and he grunts leaning in to kiss my neck again, "Baby really stop." I repeat pushing him back again.

"Brooke if you are trying to do that whole teasing me thing for Felix touching you it's going to be a little hard since you gave into me this morning." He reminds me and yes I know that, and no I am not teasing him because I think we have both been able to prove we just crave each other. My body craves for the need of him just like I know he craves me.

"No that's not it…I was trying to prove a point." I tell him as I pull his hand that was still inching into my jeans out and buttoning them back.

"What? That I want you? Ok point proven." He nods really quick before kissing me hard on the mouth which I let but then pull back from him, "Brooke." He growls a little frustrated and I let out a small laugh at the bulge forming in his pants.

"Oops looks like I wiggle my hips a little too much." I tease brushing my hand over his jeans and he takes in a sharp breath.

"Brooke…" he slightly warns and I just place my hands on his thighs running my nails slowly up them as he squirms.

I laugh a little as I slip my hands in his front pockets pulling him a little closer, "What's wrong Boyfriend?" I tease a little rubbing him a little from inside his pocket.

Lucas however just grabs my hands pulling them out of his pants, "Unless you are going to do something about that," he nods towards his pants, "Then don't tease me like that."

"Why don't you kiss me?" I whisper simply tossing my hair out of my face and my eyes peer up at his confused face.

Lucas furrows his brow a little clearly not sure what I am saying, "What you mean?"

"The past few times we have kissed it's not like _that_; it's not like how it normally is."

"I'm pretty sure I just kissed you how I normally do." he states still clearly not sure what I mean.

"I know that. That's not what I meant. Like other times."

"Brooke I'm sorry I don't know what you mean."

"Well let's see I went from a boyfriend who loves having his mouth or hands on me all the time no matter what or where we were; to one who unless we are behind closed doors barely touches me." I point out and he lets out a long low breath.

"Pretty Girl." he frowns shaking his head at me grabbing onto my face and kissing me like the once I love. The rough fast his tongue fighting with mine for control kind of kiss, yet just like always when I start to get into it he pulls away, "Don't do that."

"Do what?" I ask now confused looking up at him as his head is leant against mine.

"Don't keep analyzing everything."

"I'm not. I'm-"

"You are." He interrupts, "I am here because I want to be. If I didn't want to I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have put up with everything we have gone through if I wasn't 100% sure I wanted to be here. Yet every time I do something or don't do it; something inside of you screams something is wrong."

"Lucas…I-" I start but again he interrupts me.

"Why do you pick up on something as little as me not wanting to grope you or attack you in front of your family as something being wrong?" he questions and ok I'm dumb that makes since, "Sometimes I feel like no matter what I do I am never going to get you to believe I am not going anywhere." He frowns clearly frustrated and I just start to wonder how something as simple as me wondering about a kiss turned into this. Turned into him thinking I am always questioning him because I'm not. I wasn't. Well not on purposed.

"I don't do that." I protest pushing him away from me as I fix my shirt now a little annoyed. I ask a simple question then get almost like a tongue lashing for it.

"You do, do that." He argues as I jump off the bench not at all in the mood for anything else now.

"I'm not going to fight with you about something so stupid Lucas." I inform him as I move towards the door.

"You brought it up Brooke!" He reminds me grabbing my hand and spinning me to look at him, "God I don't want to fight with you. I hate fighting with you." he frowns falling back on the bench pulling me with him so I am standing in front of him, "I know you love me Brooke, never question that. Yet I still just feel like you are always keeping me at arm's length."

"I'm not doing that on purpose Lucas." I frown wrapping me arms around his neck and easing into his lap noticing his little friend that was with us earlier had left. Guess fighting isn't a turn on for him, "But like I said last night you do the same thing."

"Like I proved last night I think it's better my past stays in the past and nowhere close to my present and you."

"I don't want to know your past Lucas I just want to be included in your present. I want to meet your mom you talk about so much, or this Uncle Keith that you and Nathan go on about. Hell I'll even meet Dan if you want me too. I just want to know you." I whisper running my finger across his bottom lip.

"Well I never want you meeting Dan if I can control it."

"Fine then I won't meet him, but I still want to know everyone else. Lucas I love little kids and you have a baby sister who I know I will love but again you don't show her to me. You don't let me into that part of your life almost like _you_ are afraid I am not going to be here long."

"Ok…" he says sitting there for a second thinking, "In a few days I have to go out of town for about a week with Felix and my mom."

"A week?" I pout and he laughs at me.

"Yes Pretty Girl a week but when I get back if you want we can go to like lunch with my mom and Lily. Keith is in Charlotte right now but when he gets back we will go see him too." He tells me and my whole body relaxes and I can't help but smile big.

"Really?!" I squeal a little, ok really excited, "I get to meet the people who are the most important to you? Like for real you aren't going to say this then go back are you?"

"If it makes you happy and you really want to meet them then yes. But I will warn Lily is only 3 and kind of clinging to me. One time Aislinn tried to give me a kiss while I was holding her and Lily bit her." he informs me and I try not to but a laugh escapes and he frowns a little at me.

"Sorry." I apologize biting my bottom lip but then I laugh again, "I think me and Lily will be the best of friends." I mean if she hates Aislinn then we of course will be best friends.

"Yes one will hope. But I guess it's about time you met my mom since she won't shut up again meeting you."

"Really? You mom knows about me?"

"Of course she knows about you. You are my girlfriend." He says in a duh tone.

"Oh right that's me."

"But then back to the first issue you brought up. I just could tell it bothered Tony and Jason maybe even Nash a little. I mean I know they would laugh at it but I don't know and I really didn't want them like hating me or pissed about it. Tony when we went out said it was cool; it was still a little weird but cool. So just thought I would keep my mouth and hands to myself a little."

"Yeah I get that." I agree knowing he is right, "I shouldn't have picked a fight I'm sorry." I apologize leaning into kiss him softly.

"Aww why did you kiss me like that?" He mocks me and I roll my eyes slapping him on the arm.

"This is going to be the longest week of my life." I frown thinking about him being gone for a week.

"Oh trust me I will make it up to you when I get back." he grins all sneaky as he stands up with me in his arms as we start to walk out of the old shack.

"Yeah when I meet your mommy." I smile big at that.

"Why are you more excited to see my mom then me?" he pouts and I just laugh shaking my head at him and kissing his pouting lip.

"I just want to meet the woman who gave me the most amazing guy in the entire world."

"Is that so?" He kinks his eyebrow at me as he sits me back on the 4 wheeler.

"Mhmm…" I nod starring up into his perfect blue eyes, "Thanks for being my boyfriend Luke." I thank and blush at how stupid that actually sounds out loud.

Yet Lucas just smiles bit leaning in to kiss me and whispering before he reaches me lips, "Thanks for letting me."

* * *

**So just lots of Brucas fluff of cuteness this chapter. A little drama but nothing bad, the David talk that I hope leaved ya'll still loving the guy because I still love him, I can't help it hehe. But yes I threw in some Brucas lovin' and some jokes, along with a mother daughter talk that will be needed at some point I'm sure.**

**Sorry I haven't updated as soon as I would like. This is probably the longest I have gone not updating this story and I suck, but it was a long chapter so does that make up for it? Anywho I will update sooner with the next chapter promise :D**

**Review please please please :D**


	27. Chapter 27

_I haven't seen my boyfriend in a six days; six long days. Do you know how long that feels like in Brooke days? Forever! He had to go with Felix somewhere, ugh! Like apparently Felix had to go pick up his sister and just had to drag my boyfriend along. Ok maybe drag is a strong word, I think he wanted to go because his mom, who I still have yet to meet I must add, well anyway she wanted to go see her friend so Lucas went._

_I miss him :(_

_I mean of course we have text nonstop and talked just as much but still it's not the same if I don't see him face to face. Yet it's kind of ok because he got to see his family and all and in a little while I get to see him. We are meeting at the bar like we do must Tuesday nights. Now a downside stupid Felix is going to be there, a plus is this Anna girl is going to be there._

_I mean I know she isn't technically Lucas's family but she is close and I am like dying to meet the people he loves most. I mean hell he knows my whole family, hangs with them and it's about time I meet someone. I love Nathan I do but I need another family member and a girl would be such a major plus._

_Plus Thursday I get to meet Karen! Back flip yay! I am really excited about that and maybe even more excited about meeting Lily. I love little kids and can't wait to meet Lucas's baby sister. I hope she likes me unlike her like for Aislinn._

_Hmm…I wonder if my Broody missed me as much as I missed him._

_Ha that's a dumb line I know he did. Not that I am conceded or anything I just know. But anyway Nash, Heath, Jason and Tony are going to be there tonight which makes me happy because least then maybe Felix will leave me alone. I don't like that guy, I don't know why but I just don't._

_He is so sneaky acting. He has this annoying look he gets and gives me and I don't like it. I mean I have only been around him that time at Lucas's house but I still felt weird. Like even when Lucas said stop looking at her like that and stuff he still did. He still was like 'If I knew I wouldn't have done it. Well I probably would have.' _

_When Lucas and I were talking earlier he was saying how Felix wanted to move in with him. How he wanted to move to Tree Hill and stay with him._

_Let's just say Lucas wasn't all for it._

_He was telling me he liked having his own place. Somewhere he didn't have to worry about anyone else bothering him. He could just lock himself away and not deal with anyone. That apparently he could handle Felix for a weekend or a week but longer then that he got on his nerves. That I get completely Felix seems like the type you can only take in doses._

_I know Lucas is stressing about what to do because I also know he was saving his spare room for if Nathan decided to move in. Nate and him always talk about living together just haven't yet. I'm not really sure why he hasn't yet moved out of Dan's house but I think it might be the whole free thing. Dan pays for pretty much everything and I guess until Nathan feels like he has saved enough he is staying there. _

_Least if he lived with his brother he wouldn't get annoyed, he wouldn't have to argue every night about not wanting to go out. Lucas said how Felix has to always be doing something, always throwing a party or going to a bar or club and that's just not like my Broody. Plus Nathan is pretty much at Haley's 24/7 it was another reason he didn't mind his brother living with him. Lucas also said he liked having his own place because of me._

_I smiled._

_He said he likes that it's like our place to get away. Just him and me; cuddling on the couch, watching TV, staying up as long as we wanted not worrying about anyone else. It's really like the only place we can go where it's just me and him. Plus it's just nice to get away for the weekend locked away with just my boyfriend. Walking around in his t-shirt, not having to put make up on because Lucas says I'm gorgeous without it, and just hanging with the boy I love._

_I do not want Felix joining in on those weekends._

Tossing down my journal I climb out of my bed and stretch. I am so tired. I have been so tired lately like I really just want to sleep all day. As soon as I throw myself off the bed I realize I stood up way to fast and take off to the bathroom dizzy I might add and throw up. I wipe my mouth off with the back of my head and run some cold water over my face.

Have I eaten today?

I can't remember. That sounds terrible I know but I really can't. However since I am really dizzy, so dizzy that a fast movement makes me sick, and tired I'm sure I can give you my answer of no. My mom would kill me if she knew but sometimes like today I just forgot and probably because I have been in bed all day just watching TV and sleeping.

However if I ate I probably wouldn't have been so tired but oh well. Nothing I can do about it now.

Turning on the shower I let the water warm up as I walk into my bedroom picking what I want to wear tonight. Being is I haven't seen my boyfriend in almost a week I want to look extra cute. I think I might wear my white jean shorts because it's getting to be late March and it's getting warm.

Wow I can't believe it's already March and I have known Lucas for almost 9 months and he has been my boyfriend for 6 of those months. That's a long time.

Wait!

6 months? Does that mean I have like a 6 month anniversary coming up? I mean yeah those 6 months are added up with the few breaks we had in between but still. He has been my boyfriend for 6 months total.

I love him.

OK I get side tracked to easy. Back to my clothes, I am wearing my white shorts and black tank top and then my white jacket with it. I love this outfit. Walking back into the bathroom I put down my clothes before climbing into the shower.

Every time I shower now I can't help but think of Lucas. The last time I had his hands on me, felt his lips against my body. Stepping into the warm water I can almost close my eyes feeling it all over again and that makes me smile even more. I run my hands through my hair squeezing out the water as it once again fills back up.

Hearing my phone ringing on the counter I smile at the noise. Only one person has that ringing tone and reaching out of the warm shower into the freezing bathroom I grab it quickly from the counter before pulling my hand back into the shower stepping out of the water so I don't get my phone wet and answer.

"Hi babe." I smile into my phone as I toss my wet hair off my shoulder trying not to get my phone wet again.

"_Hey Pretty Girl what are you doing?" _he asks over the music in the background and I guess he is already at the bar.

"In the shower." I tell him and can pretty much picture his face.

"_You answered your phone in the shower?"_ he chuckles.

"Yup. Just one more thing I probably shouldn't do in the shower." I smirk and hear him laugh again.

"_Oh baby girl how I wish I was in that shower with you right now instead of here._" He tells me and I smile a little bigger, "_I have been thinking about that day nonstop this week._"

"Me too."

"_Are you going to be here soon; because I don't think I can handle going another hour without seeing you. This has definitely been one of the longest weeks of my life." _

"I so agree._" _I nod definitely think this week has drug on, "But I just have to finish in the shower and I'll get dressed real quick and be there promise. The boys are all already here and ready to go just waiting for me."

"_Well tell them I am already three ahead so they need to get here and catch up._" He informs me and I laugh a little but still hate he has been there not even an hour and already on his third.

"You stressed Broody?"

"_Just missing my girlfriend._" He tells me and I hear Felix say something to him in the background and Lucas let out a fake laugh. Clearly Felix doesn't know Lucas like I do which is nuts them being cousins or whatever because that was definitely was his fake, a little annoyed laugh, "_Please hurry._" He begs and I laugh.

"Alright I will be there as soon as I can; love you." I tell him and he tells me he loves me too as I hang up and finish getting ready to see him.

* * *

I swear I don't even have to car turned off before I am out of my car heading inside. Normally I wait for my boys but my boyfriend is inside and I am missing him like crazy. All but running into the bar I smile when I see him.

They are sitting in the back corner, his back is to me but he looks bored as Felix talks to him and some dark headed girl that I assume is Anna. His chin is resting on his hand and I see how he is just staring off and somewhat nodding.

Walking over a smile plays across my lips as I place my hands over his eyes from behind, "Guess who?" my voice is extra raspy sounding and I think a little seductive.

I expect him to play along a little. Maybe guess someone random or even famous but what I wasn't expecting was my boyfriend to stand up from his chair slamming his lips right into mine as I stumble back against the wall next to the table. I hear dark haired maybe Anna girl laugh a wow and I agree,

Wow.

Even catching me off guard I quickly kiss him back as he nibbles a little on my bottom lip before slipping his tongue passed them. My hands latch onto his gorgeous face as his grab onto my waist yanking my lower half into him.

"I missed you." Lucas breaths out heavy as we pull away from our kiss.

"I can see that." I giggle a little rubbing my thumb across his lips getting off my lip gloss, "You ok?" I ask knowing for a fact he only kisses me like that when he is almost nervous about something. I know I know last week I complained he didn't kiss me like that in public but there is a difference between his kisses that he wasn't doing around my family and this one. The last time he kissed me like this one, kissed me like he needed it really bad was when we were at Brady's and David was around. Like when he was worried David was over stepping his friend line, like he was sliding in to replace Lucas. However David isn't here and trust me Felix will never ever make me have any feelings for him so I don't really know where that just came from.

"I just missed you." He shrugs but I can tell his eyes say something completely different.

"I missed you too." I whisper leaning up giving him a soft kiss figuring I will just talk about whatever is bothering him tonight.

"Brooke this is Anna, Anna this is _my_ girlfriend Brooke." Lucas introduces and the girl gives me a warm smile.

"Nice to finally meet you Brooke. I have heard about you nonstop since these two idiots came to see me." Anna laughs and I laugh yet Lucas just wraps his arm around my waist.

"Well it's nice to meet you too." I smile back as Lucas takes my hand as we sit down. I don't know why but when he sits down I sit next to him and Felix and when I sit he grabs my chair yanking it close to him. Like so close I don't know why I am in a chair since he practically has me in his lap.

"Broody you sure your ok?" I ask again and he just looks past me over my shoulder and when I turn I see Felix look away real quick to talk to Anna, "Luke what-" I start to ask yet he just kisses me to stop me.

"Where are the guys?" He asks pulling away from our kiss and I just shake my head ignoring whatever the hell just happened.

"Oh they-" I start to tell him until the loud laugh of my family sweep through the room, "Right there." I shake my head.

"Luke man what is up?" Nash gives him one of those guy hand shake things.

"Nothing really; just waiting for you lazy asses to get here." Lucas jokes as the rest of the guys all give him the same hand shake thing Nash did.

"Well we all couldn't fly in here like our Brookie." Heath teases kissing the top of my head and I just roll my eyes, "It's a little sick ya'll can't go a week without seeing each other." He jokes grabbing a stool and sitting next to Anna, "Well hello." He smiles that little innocent smile we all know isn't too innocent.

"Hi." Anna smiles a little shy which I think is cute.

"Oh umm…Anna this is Heath, Nash and my brothers Tony and Jason." I introduce, "Guys this is Anna and Felix." I groan a little at the later part that I know Jason caught. I told him about my little meeting with Felix, he doesn't like him.

"Hi guys." Jason waves as he grabs a chair sliding between me and Felix, and thank you big brother.

* * *

The night continues and everyone is up playing pool and I have been sitting here talking to Anna who is really cool. I actually really like her, a lot more then I like Felix. I don't know how they are related.

"I am going to run to the bathroom real quick I'll be right back." She tells me and I nod as she jumps up leaving me just to sit alone.

"Brooke, why do you act like you are never happy to see me?" Felix pouts as he sits in the chair that once held my boyfriend.

"Why do you insist on me being happy to see you?" I hit back and look up to see Tony talking to Lucas but seeing them both having their eyes on me and Felix.

"Because you are dating my cousin, I think it's only right his girlfriend and cousin get along." He points out but I don't care this guy is a creep.

"Fine we get along." I growl shifting in my seat.

"Well that didn't sound convincing. Are you just embarrassed I saw you naked?" He smirks and I think I just threw up at the thought of Felix seeing me naked.

"You didn't see me naked." I snap turning to look at him not really liking him being that close to my face.

"But I wanted to see you naked." He smirks the creepiest smirk ever.

"Leave me alone."

"You know if I was Lucas I would be a little concerned with these random guys around you. I mean I don't get why he just allows you to be alone with them and all lovey with them. Like that Nash guy he was completely ok with ya'll dancing, a dance a little slutty if you ask me." he says and my head snaps around to look at him.

"I am not a slut." I hiss shaking the feeling of looking into his sneaky eyes.

"Yeah but every slut had to start somewhere." He shrugs, "Maybe Luke is just your first and then it will continue with more. But I was wondering you think maybe when you decide to get more you will give me a call. Luke was going on about his back, about the little marks you leave all over him. So either you are just a freak in the sheets in the 'painful; kind of making me bleed' kind of way or you are a damn good time. I could just ask Lucas about the freak part, you know he tells me everything and I mean everything." he leans insanely close to my face making me swallows hard, "But just for a heads up I have always been for the pain type so I'm going to go with a damn good time either way." he winks at me and I don't know why that bothered me. I don't know why some guy I don't know telling me I will become a slut or that my boyfriend tells him about our sex life or the fact the freak told me to give him a call gave me a feeling I didn't like so much in my chest but it did.

"Brooke." I hear snapping away from Felix's face thankful to find my boyfriend, "Baby come over here." he says but it's more like an order as he keeps his eyes locked on his cousin who is leaning back in his chair with that damn sneaky smile, "You ok?" Lucas asks wrapping his arm around me as we walk over to the guys.

"Yeah." I nod, "I'm fine."

"Just stay here ok." he says as I sit on a stool behind the pool table and I nod ok as he keeps playing with the guys.

"You ok Brookie?" Nash questions as he takes a seat next to me.

"Yeah Felix, Felix just creeps me out." I confess as Nash keeps his eyes locked on him as Anna returns to the table and he starts talking to her.

"Yeah we can all tell." He comments and I look at him confused, "Just stay around me or the guys. We won't make him bother you." he promises kissing the side of my head and I just nod an ok as the night again continues.

* * *

"So I am starving." I announce getting a funny look from Tony and Jason, "We should eat something." I grab the menu off the table.

"What would you like?" Tony asks as he finishes up his beer and waves over Jen.

"Let's get some French fries and oh Tony let's get some nachos!" I squeal excited and they all laugh at me.

"Whatever you want B." He shakes his head I'm sure just happy I am eating something.

"What can I get you loves?" Jen asks handing over Tony's beer I guess noticing him being low. Tony thanks her and quickly tells her what we want to eat and just gives a smile and walks off.

"You think Kimberly is still here?" I wonder looking around to find the blonde nowhere around.

"Does it matter?" Lucas asks and I sit a second trying to figure out if it matters to me or not.

"Nope." I shake my head with a smile leaning over giving him a small kiss.

"Good." He smiles wrapping his arm around me as I snuggle close against him and then I smile even bigger when my food comes out.

"Yummy." I grin, "Thanks Jen." I thank as she sits the plate in front of me, "Mmm…" I smile when I eat a chip, "That's good." I say popping another chip in my mouth looking up to see everyone staring at me and laughing, "What?"

"Nothing the sound and look you just got was like…" Nash trails off and I look confused eating another chip.

"Huh?"

"It just sounded like the noise you make when you, well you know." Heath informs me and I sit there a second trying to figure out what they meant. Yet once I do I just turn bright red completely embarrassed.

"Nah…" Lucas shakes his head grabbing a chip and eating one, "That's not the noise she makes." He says like he just totally forgot my brothers were sitting right there.

"Oh my god." I turn brighter ducking my head behind my boyfriend's back.

"Now that is the noise she makes." Lucas teases rubbing my leg and everyone laugh as I die a little more inside.

"And how do you know Luke?" Felix teases and I just groan pulling my head from behind Lucas and glare at him, I don't like him.

"How do you think I know?" Lucas rolls his eyes looking up at his cousin, "It's not like I haven't hea-" and he stops when I guess he finally release who is around us, "I mean umm…" he scratches the back of his neck clearly now embarrassed as a awkward silence falls over us.

"Oh hell are we surprised by all this?" Heath questions breaking the awkward silence that fell among us, "They are together all the time and they have their hands on each other all the time. So are we really surprised our Lukie here knows the noise that our Brookie makes?"

"We are adults we can admit Brooke has had sex. Now as brothers I get the weird feeling ya'll get but hell I would rather it be with him then someone like…" Nash adds and trails off casting a glance at Felix which he is oblivious too, "Well then other people."

"Well thanks Nash." Lucas smiles as he moves back in his chair a little more relaxed, "But yeah let's not talk about the noises my girlfriend makes anymore."

"Thank you." I agree running my hand through my hair as I shift uncomfortably under Felix's gaze. I don't know why he has a weird obsession with just staring at me but it weird's me out.

"Anna my dear would you care to dance with me?" Heath smiles over at Anna and I can't help but shake my head. He has been flirting with Anna all night, giving her little side smiles and winks. I think my Heath has a crush.

"Sure." Anna agrees stepping up at they walk over to the dance floor.

"I'm going to run to the bathroom. I'll be right back." I say getting up and walking away feeling the eyes off the whole table on me and I just want to roll my eyes. I swear I will not get myself kidnapped walking the 10 feet to the bathroom.

Walking into the bathroom I feel a little dizzy. The place has way to much smoke in it tonight and I don't like it. Normally I can handle the smoke but tonight it's like excessive amount of smoke and making me feel a little sick.

I go to the bathroom wash my hands and look at myself in the mirror. It slightly amazes me how just having Lucas has made me feel so much better about myself. Like I am not saying a guy can make your whole life better because they can't, you can't base your happiness on if you have a guy but I would also be lying if I said as a girl it doesn't help. Girls are stupid I admit it, we think too much over analysis probably too much and read too much into the simplest things but even if I say the past 18 years before Lucas came along that I didn't think I would be completely content, happy if I had a guy I would again be lying.

Love is a great feeling, it's fantastic and it really makes you feel so much better about life. With that said you can have that happy glow of love for many reasons not just a guy. It can be with the love of a job, or child, or family or anything. My happy glow just happens to be from the love of a guy and I wouldn't change that for anything.

Running my hands through my hair I walk back to the smoke bar to find not only everyone I have been with but also my best friend ever talking to my big brother!

"Rachel!" I squeal excited bouncing over and giving the red head a hug.

"Hey girlie."

"What you doing here?" I ask, I mean I don't care that she is here but it's just weird for her to just randomly show up and not tell me she is coming.

"Oh I was just in the area thought I would come by." She shrugs and I can tell she is completely lying. Something is wrong but I will ignore it in front of everyone right now, "So what is up my loves?" Rachel asks sitting down next to Tony and I take my seat back next to Lucas.

"Nothing really just playing some pool." Tony tells her giving a smile that she returns, "Here you can have the rest of theses." He slides over his fries to my red headed friend.

"Thanks T." She smiles taking a fry popping it in her mouth.

"Alright Jay lets go play a game." Tony stands up stepping around the table, "Luke you in?"

"Umm… yeah." He nods standing up kissing the top of my head as he walks over to the guys.

"So I'm Felix." Felix slides over so he is next to Rachel, "Me and Brookie are just the best of friends." He grins over at me and I just scoff.

"Is that so?" Rachel questions tossing a glance over at me and I just shake my head no.

"So Rachel what can you tell me abo-"

"Felix, let's play some pool." Lucas calls cutting off Felix but he just sits still looking at me, "Felix." Lucas growls walking over and stepping in front of me; blocking my view of Felix, "Let's play some pool."

"Alright, alright Luke. I was just trying to get to know Rachel and Brookie here. Get the damn stick out of your ass." He teases slapping Lucas on the shoulder giving me and Rachel a wink and walking over grabbing a cue.

"Luke are you ok?" I question wondering why he is once again so tense, so irritated tonight. Like I'm not kidding unless he is talking to me he is just quiet, growling or grunting and sending glares into people, well Felix. I don't know what it is but he is definitely pissed about something.

"Yeah Pretty Girl I'm fine." He offers a fake smile leaning in to kiss me real quick, yet when he goes to pull away I lock onto the back of his head pulling him in closer to me. The kiss is rough and fast and I hear Rachel make some comment about us but I just ignore it as Lucas's massages his tongue with mine, "What was that for?" Lucas smiles pulling out of our kiss and I just lean up giving him another small kiss.

"Just cause I wanted to." I shrug and he laughs shaking his head at me, "And because I love you."

"I love you too baby." He smiles lifting my chin giving me small peck before heading back over to the guys and I just shake the feeling of Felix glaring at me.

"So what is up with your boyfriend?" Rachel asks I guess noticing what I have been noticing.

"I don't know but I will figure out later." I shrug, "So what is up with you?" I raise my eyebrow at her and she gives me a puzzled look, "Rach you are my best friend, I know when something is bothering you. So talk to me." I say bumping my shoulder into hers.

"I umm…" She runs her hand through her red hair shaking her head, "I think I may break up with Cooper."

"What? Why?" I ask completely shocked. I mean they have been together forever it seems now and she tried so hard to get him and now she wants to break up.

"I don't know. I just I think I realized I liked the old us. The us before we broke up the first time and we aren't those people anymore no matter how I try. I mean I love him I do but it's just not the love I use to have and I want that love." She explains and I nod feeling bad for my best friend, "I guess I just want someone who makes me smile like Lucas makes you or Nathan makes Hales. I just want what you and Hales got with your boys."

"Well you deserve it." I smile pulling her into a hug, "You deserve the best Rach." I smile pulling out of our hug.

"Brooke there is something else I need to tell you." She says nervously and I nod, "Well ok you see there is something I want to tell you but I'm scared of how you will react."

"Well just be a band aid and say it." I joke making her laugh, "I mean it's me so you know you can tell me anything."

"Yeah I know." She agrees taking in a deep breath, "Brooke I think I might-"

"Here you go Brooke." We get interrupted when Jen sits my drink down in front of me, "Hey hun what can I get you?" Jen asks Rachel.

"Umm…I'm ok thanks. I'll just sip on Brookie's drink." She shrugs grabbing my drink.

"Jen." We all hear the grunt of my boyfriend turning to see him looking more than livid. Like I didn't think my boyfriend could get like that, get like he was about to fly off the handle.

"Yeah?" Jen looks up.

"I just wanted to say sorry in advance." He informs us and we all look at him confused.

"For what sweetie?" She asks but no one gets a chance to respond before his hand pulls back and fists flies forward.

"Lucas!"

* * *

"Ouch!" Lucas cringes when I somewhat slam a bag of ice against his face. I cannot believe what just happened; I cannot believe my boyfriend just hit someone who was supposed to be almost like family to him!

"I can't believe you hit him!" I yell for about the millionth time still completely dumbfounded.

"I can't believe he did it before any of us got to." Tony pouts a little at the fact he didn't get to hit Felix and I just glare over at him. We are home now. All the guys are here and Rachel told me she would talk to me later and headed home. However I wish she stayed and helped me send death glares at all the guys since they all agreed with the hitting of Felix. I however think it was stupid! I mean I don't like the guy but you just can't hit people!

"I didn't mean to hit him." Lucas shrugs and I turn my glare from my brother over to my boyfriend.

"How did you not mean to hit someone!?" I ask because I'm pretty sure slamming your fist into someone's face is definitely meaning too.

"All I did was put my fist out. It is not my fault the dumbass walked into it." He tells me getting a laugh from the guys.

"You know I think that is pretty much how it went down." Nash agrees with him and the other three nod with agreement but I again send them a death glare to shut them up.

"Look I'm sorry ok." Lucas apologizes taking the ice off his eye and I frown at it since it is already turning black and blue.

"Lucas he is what you said family. Why would you just hit him?" I ask in more of a calmer tone as Lucas places his hands on my hips.

"I don't know ok I just did." He shrugs as he plays with a string on my jeans.

I let out a long sigh tossing a glance over at Tony which I know he catches since he nods at me and nods for all the guys to file out of my room giving me and my boyfriend a minute to talk.

"Alright Broody boy it's just me and you so now are going to tell me what happened." A tease a little when the door shuts yet my boyfriend still just plays with my string, "Luke…" I frown lifting his face to look at me, "What happened?"

"He just pissed me off."

"That I can see but why? Why did he piss you off?" I ask running my hand through his hair.

"Because he just says dumb shit sometimes." He growls standing up walking to my bathroom to look at his face.

"Well though my encounters have been few, and thank god for that, but still I kind of got the impression he just talks dumb shit _all_ the time." I say stressing all as I lean up against the door frame looking at him, "What he say that made you so mad?"

"Just stuff he shouldn't have." He growls again walking out of my bathroom back to my bed but I know the growl is not at me it's at clearly whatever Felix said.

"Like what?" I ask again walking over sitting on the bed next to him but he just kind of sits there, "Luke…" I whisper placing my hand on his cheek to turn and look at him, "What he say?"

"I don't know." he shakes his head with a long sigh, "I guess at first I just ignored it, well I tried to ignore." He tells me and I just nod as he keeps talking, "I let him say what he wanted because your right its Felix and he just talks shit all the time. Yet when he told me he tried to sleep with you I seriously wanted to knock him out."

"But you laughed at him. I just thought you thought it was funny." I remind him a little confused since he definitely acted like it was funny.

"No. I just tried to ignore it. I mean I knew you pushed him off and wouldn't want him so I didn't want you to think I was over reacting or being all jealous over nothing again. Kind like with the whole Nash thing. I just got you back I wasn't going to go and piss you off right away again about being jealous over something that you made clear meant nothing." He says and I just nod again guessing that makes since, "But then the whole time we were away he wouldn't shut up about you."

"What you mean?" I question not getting why Felix would be talking about me. He doesn't even know me.

"Like first it was just stuff that I like I said ignored. Like how gorgeous you were or how you seemed like a really cool girl. I mean it wasn't anything wrong with what he was saying so I just nodded saying I know and went on, but then he started saying other stuff."

"Like?"

"Like I better watch out because someone as good as you wouldn't stay around with me too long. How just like Aislinn if I didn't watch out sooner or later you were going to find someone new. How the girl I love was clearly way better then I was and it was a matter of time before she realized it."

"What? Why…I…" I stumble over my words not really sure what to say. I mean where would Felix get any of that from? Why would he ever say that to Lucas? He again doesn't know anything about me, about us, "That's not true." I tell him and he just nods staring at the ground, "Luke." I say as he just sits there.

I don't know what I am supposed to say. I don't know where Felix got any of that from but I know I don't like it, I know I don't like him. It also makes since why Lucas has been how he has been the last few times we have been around each other. Like on Tony's birthday how he just confessed how much he loved me. How he held me like he was worried about something, why he was so quiet the whole night. Then again tonight when I got there; how he just kissed me like he was worried. Damn Felix worried him; he has been worrying him since he came to town.

Asshole.

Climbing up into my boyfriends lap I lean down kissing him. Placing both hands on his face pulling him into me and kissing him hard and deep with as much passion as I can, "It's not true Luke." I whisper pulling out of our kiss leaning my forehead against his, "I love you. I don't think any of that. I don't know where he would even get that from."

"I don't know. Felix doesn't care about anyone but himself really and when he wants something he does what he can to get it." He informs me and yeah not really surprised the asshole doesn't care about anyone but himself, not really a shock, "And in this case he wants you." Lucas tells me looking up at me.

"I would never want Felix Lucas." I tell him honestly. Even if I wasn't with Lucas, even if there never was a Lucas, Felix would be the last guy I would ever even consider dating. No matter how lonely I might have been he is not at all my type.

"I know that. I actually trust David more then I trust Felix so you can see how little I trust you around him. I mean he crawled into bed with you the first day he met you! Hell he hadn't even met you yet!"

"I know. Is that why you hit him? Just tired of it all?"

"No. I mean yeah. It was just annoying every time I would look up he would just be staring at you. All I thought was this jackass better pull his eyes away from my girl or I was going to snap. And then while we were playing he started saying more stuff, stuff that was pretty fucked up and it pissed me off." He says and I can see how his body tense and face hardens as he starts thinking about it, "He started saying how that noise you made while eating…" he starts and I blush a little at that. That was definitely a little embarrassing, "How that sounded like the noise you made that morning when he was touching you."

"I made no noise when he was touching me! The only thing that came out of my mouth that morning was a scream because some dumbass was trying to stick his hand down my pants!" I snap but not at Lucas at that douche bag. What the hell was he thinking trying to tell my boyfriend the noise I make when I am enjoying something! "No one in the world knows any noise I make when I am…well you know other then you! You are the only person who even knows how to get me to make a noise of enjoyment!" I tell him quickly and he gets the cutest little grin, "Trust me Lucas no one makes me feel anything like you do." I smile a little running my hand through his hair.

"I know and I know I was stupid for letting him get to me. I tried to ignore that comment Brooke I tried really hard but I didn't like someone telling me that he could turn my girlfriend on better than me. I also didn't like that he kept telling me how good you tasted. How sweet and soft your skin was."

"Lucas I tell you right now that sick ass is lying about whatever he said. That nasty piece of scum's mouth only touched my shoulder and as soon as I felt it I knew right away it was not the boy I loved. That who's ever mouth was on me was not my boyfriend."

"I know I believe you it was just annoying." He shrugs falling back on my bed with me still in his lap and I know it annoyed him. It makes me smile a little that even though Lucas is pretty tough with stuff, I mean he really doesn't let things bother him, doesn't let people get under his skin and most the time he is the most laid back, roll with the punches guy I have ever met. He is all those things with everyone unless it involves me. I don't know what it is but it's like I'm his weakness or something and not in a cocky way I just know I am, along with everyone else. I'm pretty sure he will admit I am the only person in his life that when someone tries something he freaks, his laid back, calm attitude flies out the window and in return you get a protective, punch throwing guy and I can't help I love both.

"I'm sorry. I guess it should have made since, I mean all the guys would not let me be alone with him and I saw your face the whole time. I knew something wasn't right, I could tell something was bothering you." I let out with a dry laugh.

"Yeah I told the guys while we were playing how Felix was way too fixated on you and they weren't too pleased either." He laughs a little running his hands over his face as he laid there.

"Yeah." I nod as I play with one of the buttons on his shirt thinking about the whole night, about everything that was said and happened, "Luke…" I whisper through the quiet room.

"Yeah?" He responds with his hands still on his face and I just kind of sit there thinking wondering if I want to even bring it up. I mean I don't know I just wonder how much to believe of Felix. Yet I also want to know my boyfriend just doesn't spill our sex life to people, "Oh no." Lucas says pulling his hand off his face to look at me.

"What?"

"You have that look." He says resting his hands on my sides as he lies on my bed.

"What look? I don't have a look." I protest but he shakes his head at me, he really does know me too well it slightly pisses me off knowing someone can read you so well.

"Yeah you do. You have your thinking look. You are debating something in that pretty little head of yours so come on what is it?"

"Luke what…" I shift a little tilting my head to the side biting the corner of my bottom lip, "Ok what do you tell people about us?" I let my eyes creep up his body to see the confused look on his face.

"What do you mean what do I tell people about us? Like I mean I tell people you are my girlfriend." He tells me.

"No not that I mean like us like…" I trail off thinking how to actually say what I want, "Luke you like being with me right?" Yeah that didn't come out at all how I wanted it too.

"Brooke." He groans running his hands over his face clearly frustrated and being a little drunk is not helping, "I love you; I love you more than anything but I swear your insecurities are just killing us. I don't know what you want me to do, to prove I want to be with you."

"No, no I don't mean being with me like my boyfriend." I correct ignoring the little ping in my chest by him saying my insecurities are killing us. Note to self get those in control.

"Then what do you mean because I'm confused." He admits and ok when he is slightly drunk and confused he is just totally cute. I don't know it's like this little boyish side comes in and if you ignore his eye that is all bruised and a little puffy he really just looks adorable.

"Like being with me, you know _being_ with me." I repeat wiggling my hips from side to side and he gets even more confused, "Lucas do you like having sex with me?" I say bluntly figuring no beating around the bush was working.

"Where did that even come from?" He asks and looks even more confused. I don't get why he is so confused being as I told him what I wanted to know. Just a simple yes or no question, just a quick Felix is a lying ass or you possible complain about me and your little back marks. Seems easy enough to me.

"Do you tell people about the stuff we do? Like how you were my first or how I leave marks all over your back or just anything." I shrug. I mean I'm not embarrassed about Lucas being my first, I'm pretty sure all my friends know, my family knows but still something about the way Felix said it bugged me. How he said _'well I mean maybe Lucas was just your first, everyone has to have their first.' _Like I don't know if you didn't see his face I don't think you would get it. He was so sneaky about the way he said it, he made it sound like I should be ashamed by it, by being a virgin so long or something.

"Brooke," Lucas sits up from the bed quick taking my face in his hands, "Baby I don't tell anyone that. That is _our_ personally business I wouldn't just broadcast it to everyone. Now I won't lie and say Nate and I haven't talked about it but not in the way you think it might have gone. We just talked about it like I'm sure you and Rachel and Haley talked about it."

"So you never said anything to Felix? Never talked to him about how bad I cut your back up or how I am a good time or a _freak in the sheets_?" I repeat Felix's words; cringing at how dirty that sounds.

"Is that what he told you? Is that what that asshole said I told him?"

"I don't know, I don't really remember exactly how he worded it. I just know it was along the lines of you going on to him about your back, how I am either the freak in the sheets that cause pain or a damn good time. Then how he liked pain so either way for him it would be a good time and to give him a call when I decided to slut around because you may have been my first but ever slut has their first." I tell him trying to recall everything Felix said yet as soon as I look back at my boyfriend's face I kinda wonder if I should have said anything.

"I'm going to kill him. I swear to god I am. Why the hell would he think it was ok to say any of that to you?" Lucas snaps and I just shrug, I don't know what goes on in the male head, "Ok baby look at me," He says pushing my hair out of my face holding onto my face, "I would never and I repeat _never_ talk to Felix about that. I would never classify you as a freak or however the hell he worded it and I would never tell Felix about how good of a time you are. I wouldn't even say you were a good time." he tells me and my face falls.

"So I'm a bad time?" I ask with a shaky voice not so sure I want to have this talk with a drunk and extremely honest Lucas. I think I should have waited for a sober one because sober he would have enough sense to lie about it to me.

"No!" He tells me quickly I guess realizing what he said, "That is not at all what I meant. It's just to me when I think of how Felix said a _good time_ it's like some locker room bullshit talk. Like oh I had a crazy one night stand she was a hell of a good time here is her number; give her a call. I mean yeah it sounds terrible but guys kind of do that, but Brooke you are not just a good time."

"Yeah I know what you mean." I nod getting it, "But I guess Felix just made me nervous because I mean you are the only guy I have ever been with and when he said stuff I guess I started thinking I was doing something wrong you know? I mean it's not really my fault I dig my nails in your back or bite your neck or shoulder or something; you are the one who decides to take me in the shower or my bedroom where my family is around, I have to muffle the sounds somehow." I tease and he starts laughing.

"I know baby I'll take full blame." He jokes flipping us over so he is laying on top of me, "But Brooke being with you is amazing to me. I mean I don't know if it's because the fact I love you or the fact you may just be insanely good at sex, because some girls just are and trust me baby you are and just because you are doesn't mean that it's slutty. A girl can have sex with one guy and just be good at it and it's just because they have a great sex life and god believe me when I say being with you is the best I have ever had, you're amazing." he smiles giving me a small kiss.

"Well…" I grin big running my hand through his hair, "You're pretty amazing too that's not because I don't have anyone else to compare too but I think you are just amazing either way."

"Well I'm glad we decided we have great sex." He laughs giving me a soft kiss, "Don't listen to Felix." He breaks the kiss to tell me, "Don't listen to a word he says because he is just full of shit. He will take something as a bite mark he noticed on my neck and make it turn into some kinky shit he is into." He tells me and yeah Felix being into kinky stuff doesn't surprise me, "But you baby girl are going to have to just accept I love having sex with you." he shrugs making me laugh.

"Ok." I giggle leaning up and capturing his lips with mine.

"That and I'm not going to let Felix around you. You have to accept the loss of that friendship."

"Oh how will I live." I tease flipping us so I am now straddling his lap once again.

"I don't know." He jokes as I rub my hands up his arms lacing my fingers through his, "Maybe I can help distract from the pain of losing him." he teases leaning up to kiss me.

"Mmm…" I smile in our kiss letting go of his hands and grabbing onto his face, "I am loving this distraction." I grin in our kiss as his hands slip up under the back of my shirt.

"Yeah," He mumbles against my lips as my body starts to rock against his, "Me too."

* * *

**Review please :D**


	28. Chapter 28

"It is so cold." I shiver as I stand at Kylee's ball game, "Like its March seriously why is it freezing?"

"Brooke it's not that cold. You are just a freak." Jason teases and I roll my eyes.

"I am not a freak." I scuff a little feeling my phone vibrating looking seeing a text from my boyfriend.

'_Hey Pretty Girl what you doing?_'

'_Nothing at Ky's softball game. I'm FREEZING! Why isn't it summer yet?_' I send back closing my phone putting it in my pocket.

"When is her next game?" I question. This is how I use to spend most my weekends; at the ball park with Kylee and the family watching her play. I actually love spending my time here because I love spending time with my family just laughing, hanging out, and enjoying being together.

"I don't know since they won I think the next one starts in like 20 minutes." Mom tells me as she starts talking to one of her friends whose daughter plays on the team.

"Oh give me one." I reach for a fry as Aiden and Tony walk up both with fries in hand.

"Nope I got them you can't have any." Tony shakes his hand pulling them away.

"Little man can Sissy have one?" I beg sticking out my bottom lip getting an eye roll from my gorgeous little brother.

"Yes but only one." Aiden offers and I stick my tongue out at Tony dipping a fry in ketchup before popping it in my mouth.

"Brooke if you want some I can give you some money." Mom tells me.

"No I just wanted one." I tell her as I pull my phone out again.

'_You know it's like 70 degrees out right? How long you going to be there? You think Kylee would care if I came or does she want her sister time?'_

Aww he wants to come to hang out at the ballpark with us. He is really sweet and adorable and oh I would love to show my boyfriend off to everyone.

'_You and Jason are like the same people; always making fun of me for being cold :( We are probably here until late tonight they have won every game and of course she would want you to come. She loves you._'

It's true about Kylee. I can't decide if she has a crush or thinks about him as another big brother but she definitely loves him. I think she just loves me being happy and that Lucas definitely makes me happy. I think the fact he fits so perfectly with my family makes it all the better; makes me love him so much more because having the boy you love, love not just you but your whole family is pretty amazing.

"I'm going to go talk to Kylee." I jump up skipping over to my little sister as she talks to her friends, "Baby sister." I smile knocking my hip into hers as we stand.

"Big sister." She smiles back knocking her hip again into mine.

"What are we talking about?" I ask noticing the girls around me. Brittney is Kylee's best friend on the whole team. She is pretty much like my baby sister. Yet then there is Sarah and Amber and I'm not too crazy about that one. I mean yeah they are really sweet to me, make us laugh and stuff but then the fact they are really into the immaturity thing, the whole thinking doing stupid things make them look cool and I'm nervous. I mean they make their own choices I don't care _but_ they will not drag my sweet innocent sister into it.

"Brooke what is your thoughts on sex?" Sarah asks and that is why I don't like Brittney or Kylee hanging out with them. Every talk I walk up on is either about sex, guys, drinking, or some drug. It's crazy they are only 14! Now don't think I think my little sister is perfect because I know she isn't but she is very and I repeat very naive, thinks the best of everyone. I just don't want my little sister to be around them when they are doing one of their dumb acts.

"I think when it's the right person it's amazing." I tell them honestly because when it is the right person it is amazing but they are too young for the right person right now.

"Have you ever had sex?" Amber asks and I freeze tossing a glance at Kylee who laughs a little, "Oh my god you have!" Amber squeals and I try to swallow the lump in my throat.

"My personal business is my own." I decide to go with but they seem way too interested in it.

"Brooke you have! Who was it with? Has it only been one guy? Was it amazing? Did it hurt? I hear it hurts." Sarah goes with a million and one questions and I wonder how a 'hey what's up' turned into my sex life.

"No one you know, yes it's been one guy, yes it was amazing and yes at first it hurt like hell." I inform her because she needs to know it does hurt. It's not like a magical moment like you see in the movies or read in a story. Even though it turned into what I would say magical and yes Lucas made it hurt less or tried it still hurt, "Why are we talking about sex?" I question but thinking I already know the answer.

"Sarah wants to have sex with this guy." Amber tells me and I mentally roll my eyes.

"Well I think she is way and I repeat way to young for that. She is not at all ready." I tell them honestly and I know they may think I am dumb or whatever but its true 14 in my opinion is way too young to be having sex.

"Brooke…" Sarah whines I know wanting me to tell her it's ok, go and do it but I won't. I'm not.

"Sarah I'm sorry sweetie but you are too young for that. You need to look past the moment and pressure of it all and think of the aftermath."

"What aftermath?" she asks and that right there shows she isn't ready.

"The fact your 14 and he may never talk to you again. Or if all of the school finds out and tease you, make comments. You already tell me that some of the girls talk crap to you, you think doing that with some guy you barely know will make it better?" I ask but know it's almost a pointless battle. Sarah will do what she wants to do. It's sad really because I know she is just so bad wanting to find someone she will do anything. Her parents aren't really around and she does anything she can for attention.

"But he is cute." She informs me and ok great lets have sex with random guys we have known a week or so because he is cute. That makes perfect since and you know now that I think of it David was amazingly cute, well is amazingly cute so I don't know why I waited, I should have just had sex with the first willing hot guy, which was David. Great idea.

I hope you can see the sarcasm right now.

"Plus he is a senior." Amber adds and I nod now getting it.

"A senior and you are a freshman." I point out, "Don't you wonder why a senior is going after a freshman? It's because he knows he can use some sweet words, maybe drop an I love you, which I will tell you he doesn't mean a word of and then he gets what he wants from you. I'm sorry sweetie but you will become locker room talk."

"But…"

"But you need a good one ok? Someone who will wait until you're ready because I know you aren't ready and someone who gives you a look he doesn't give anyone else. He makes you smile and laugh and he makes you feel like you are the only person in the whole world when you around him." I smile biting my bottom lip thinking about Lucas, "Someone who just one little touch makes your blood race and heart speed up to way to fast speed and if he is _cute_…" I tease making them laugh, "That is just such a major plus."

"Mmm…like the tall glass of gorgeousness that is walking this way?" Amber grins big.

"Now he is hot." Sarah agrees and I roll my eyes.

"It's like going into one ear and out the other." Brittney mumbles waving her hand around making me laugh.

"Who is a tall glass of gorgeousness?" Kylee laughs turning to look around trying to follow her friend's gaze.

"Sexy blonde in the blue shirt." Sarah says like it's that obvious being as the park is filled.

"Straight ahead." Amber points as Sarah grabs her hand down.

"Don't point at him he will see you!" She snaps and we laugh but following where she pointed and I just grin huge when I realize it's _my_ boyfriend.

"Lucas!" Kylee squeals excited taking off towards him. See I told you she loved him plus she hasn't seen him since Tony's birthday. Yeah he came over two nights ago and spent the night but he left early and Kylee was at a friend's house. So I guess it's been almost two weeks since she has seen him.

"She knows him?" Sarah asks and I let out a small laugh shaking my head as Kylee jumps up giving him a big hug.

"Yeah she knows him." I smile as Lucas puts Kylee on his back walking over to me, Kylee's mouth moving a mile a minute.

"Oh god he is coming over." Sarah freaks running her hand over through her hair, "Do I look ok?"

"I don't think he is going to care too much." Brittney tells her knowing I have a boyfriend and knowing his name is Lucas and I guess figuring it's the boy who is almost to me, "He is way too cute to not have an amazingly gorgeous girlfriend." She smiles over at me and I give her a wink.

"And then I hit the ball over the third baseman's head!" Kylee's voice filters into our conversation as they arrive in front of us, "And you missed it! Why weren't you here last game?" She pouts.

"I'm sorry Princess I had to deal with some stuff this morning." He tells her as she slides off his back standing on her own, "Hey Pretty Girl." He greets me giving me a small kiss.

"Hi Boyfriend." I smile loving the looks of Amber and Sarah.

"Wait…he…you…ya'll…" Sarah stammers, "Is he the one that you…" she trails off and I just bit my bottom lip giving her a wink, "That's so not fair!" She pouts stomping her foot making us laugh, well us being Brittney, Kylee and me, Lucas however tosses a glance at Kylee, then me clearly a little confused.

"Oh Broody you're so cute when your lost." I tease leaning up on my tip toes so only he can hear me, "We just had the sex talk…well sorta and they asked if I had sex before and when Kylee laughed and I blushed they guessed that I have." I let him know and he still looks confused making me laugh shaking my head leaning up to whisper again, "She thinks you're hot. Doesn't think its fair _I _get to have sex with _you._" I explain and he gets a cute smile.

"Well I am pretty hot." He shrugs and I roll my eyes at him.

"You're not as hot as you think you are." I smirk at him and he just raises his eye brow at me knowing I am lying.

"You're totally that hot." Sarah tells him and we all shake our head at her.

"Thanks umm…"

"Sarah." She introduces sticking out her hand which he shakes, "And this is Amber."

"Sarah, Amber." He nods at both making them both blush, "I'm Lucas."

"So Lucas…" Sarah grins big and I get nervous by whatever she is about to say, "What is your take on sex?" and my mouth drops to the ground. I'm pretty sure Brittney closed it back for me shaking her head at her friend.

"Oh umm…well…" Lucas scratches the back of his neck tossing a glance at me but I am still a little shocked she just asked to give him anything.

"Was Brooke your first?" Amber asks and my eyes widen. Oh lord.

"Of course she wasn't I mean look at him." Sarah rolls her eyes before turning to look back at us, "I mean she wasn't was she?"

"Definitely not." Lucas says a little too quickly with a laugh and I slap him in the chest with the back of my hand, "I mean no, no she wasn't." he tries to recover but he already said it. I hate that he has been with so many other girls before me; I hate even more he won't tell me how many girls it has been. "You know I really feel weird with this conversation."

"We all feel weird with this conversation." Brittney says making us laugh, well making me, Lucas, and Kylee laugh.

"But all I am going to say is Kylee sure as hell shouldn't even be thinking about it." He says and everyone meet Kylee's over protective brother number 3.

"I'm not I promise." Kylee gives her innocent smile as she leans up against the fence next to us.

"Well we know Mary over here won't ever think about it." Sarah rolls her eyes and Kylee just burns holes into her. Note to self talk to sister about nothing wrong with being a _Mary_ later.

"Lucas what happened to your face?" Kylee changes the subject leaning up and touching Lucas's eye that was still bruised from Felix.

"Oh I umm… I kinda hit someone." He tells her and I roll my eyes, no kinda in it, he totally did.

"That's hot." Sarah comments and again I roll my eyes.

"Well it looks like he kinda hit you." Kylee says making me laugh a little, I love my sister.

"Well he did but I got in the hit first." Lucas grins almost proud of that.

"Well Lucas was being dumb and thinks throwing punches solves problems. And FYI it doesn't." I tell them all getting an eye roll from my boyfriend.

"It was deserved."

"It was stupid. I get why you did it and I love you so very much for protecting me but I still do not think punching some guy is ok."

"Aww you were protecting B?" Kylee smiles at the idea of my boyfriend coming into my rescue, "That's so sweet."

"Well thank you Ky least someone thinks so." Lucas smiles looking over at me giving me an almost 'Ha told you every thinks I was right look'.

"Yeah, yeah whatever." I wave my hand at him, "Oh Kylee I got new lip gloss." I change the topic pulling it out of my back pocket, "You will like it. It's…" I pause reading the label, "Mango something." I wave my hand putting some on, "Smell my mouth." I lean forward and my sister breaks out laughing.

"B can't I just smell the container?" she questions making everyone laugh and yeah that makes more sense.

"Yeah." I laugh shaking my head at my own stupidity handing it too her.

"I'll smell you mouth." Lucas teases tickling my sides making me laugh as the girls start talking to each other about something else.

"Really?" I giggle jumping around in his arms.

"Mhmm…" he grins pulling me close, "I think I would prefer tasting it though." He gets his sneaky little smile leaning in capturing my lips.

"They do this all the time." I hear Kylee fake groan as I wrap my arms around my boyfriend's neck and he wraps his around my waist picking me off the ground a little making me squeal.

"We don't." I object pulling away from my boyfriend wiping my lip gloss of his lips and getting an eye roll from my sister.

"Kylee!" we hear turning to see some dark headed boy I somewhat recognize but can't remember his name.

"Oh hey Jett." Kylee giggles and oh yes Jett I remember him now. My baby sister has a huge crush on Mr. Cutie who is walking over to her.

"Hey I just wanted to say good luck on your next game. I was going to watch but I have to go play." Jett tells her and aww this is so cute.

"Hi." Lucas steps next to my sister and oh no he better not embarrass her or I will so kick his ass.

"Umm…hi." Jett gives a nervous smile like he is trying to figure out who this guy is.

"I'm Lucas, who are you?" He asks bluntly and I slap my hand to my face.

"Lucas!" I call reaching for his hand when Kylee tosses me a 'don't let him scare him off look', "Let's go see the boys."

"Just a second babe I'm talking to Ky's _friend._" He waves his hand at me and yeah how come he said friend like it was a bad word, like she can't be friends with boys. Kylee already has two way to protective brothers and Aiden who can be just as bad she doesn't need a Lucas adding to it.

"Umm…I'm…I'm Jett." The poor kid introduces and I feel so bad. He is probably just 14 and all he was doing was tell Kylee good luck and then got scared by some over protective 22 year old guy he has never met. Then add the fact Lucas's eye is still bruised from Felix and it doesn't help the less intimidating factor.

"Jett, sweetie remember me I'm Brooke." I step in front of my boyfriend.

"Yeah I remember you." He smiles, "Landon was asking about you the other day. He was wondering how you were doing since he hasn't seen you since graduation." Jett relaxes as he talks to me and oh I love Landon. We rode the bus together and he was such a sweetie. He was I think two grades behind me.

"Aww tell him I said hi and to text me sometime and we can do lunch or something." I smile feeling my boyfriend burn holes in my back not knowing Landon is just a 16 year old boy I have known since I was 14.

"Ok I'll definitely tell him. Does he have your number?"

"Yup same one since freshman year." I smile reaching behind me and finding my boyfriend's hand pulling it around me as I stand there, "But Jett it was good seeing you again and good luck with your game. Ky I'll see ya in a bit." I say kissing the side of her head, "See you guys later." I say to everyone else as I start to walk away pulling Lucas with me.

"You are going to leave her alone with a boy?" He questions tossing a glance over his shoulder.

"She is one not alone and two I am alone with you right now and you are a boy." I point out as we stop by the concession stand wall and I lean up against the wall.

"That is so different I am your boyfriend." He tells me placing his hands on my hips stepping closer.

"Yes and Jett may one day be Kylee's. Luke she really likes him you can't just be all over protective ruining it for her. He just said good luck with her game."

"No, he is a boy trust me I was 14 once I know how they think."

"Yeah and I was 14 once and I know how my sister thinks." I tell him since me and my baby sister think pretty much the exact same on everything.

"Yeah well he better not be thinking anything he might be thinking about Kylee. She is just a baby."

"She is 14 Lucas." I laugh shaking my head at him.

"See a baby. I bet Tony and Jay wouldn't be too happy her being alone with some boy."

"Well when I first met you I don't think they were to happy me being alone with you." I once again point out and he just rolls his eyes at me mumbling a whatever, "Does it still hurt?" I ask changing the subject brushing my hand over his eye.

"No not really." He shakes his head pulling my hand away and kissing my hand.

"You talk to Felix?" I question but he again shakes his head.

"No and I don't want too."

"He is your family Lucas." I tell him feeling bad they are fighting because of me. I mean yeah I don't like the guy but he has been around Lucas long before I ever came around. I don't want to come between that.

"Yeah family that tried to take my girl away from me." he growls a little but I know it's not at me but at Felix.

"That is one thing you will never and I repeat never have to worry about." I let him know quickly and he nods as I take his hand placing it on my heart, "There is absolutely no one else in there."

"I know there isn't." he gives a small smile stroking my collar bone with his thumb.

"And there will never be some nasty, pervy Felix." I joke and he cracks a laugh as I fall into the normal daze when I look into his gorgeous blue eyes, "Wait!" I shake my head, "You make fun of me for being cold in 70 degree weather and you have a jacket? My favorite jacket ever of yours?" I pout loving his old black jacket and I am wondering how he got it back. I thought I had that in my room somewhere, or maybe I left it at his house.

"Yes."

"Well you are the worst boyfriend ever." I exaggerate and he laughs.

"Well what if I said it was for you?" he questions raising an eye brow at me taking off his jacket.

"Then I would say you are the best boyfriend ever." I squeal like a child clapping my hands together excited, "Aww you are the best boyfriend ever." I grin as he wraps it around me and lean up giving him a kiss.

"Well being as I have been your only one I think you may not have much to compare too." He points out.

"Well still I'm sure when my next boyfriend comes around he won't be as good as you, maybe hottier but not as sweet." I tease as I step past him walking back over to my family.

"You think you are so funny." He rolls his eyes grabbing my hand and spinning me back around to look at him.

"I'm a little funny." I giggle placing my hands on his shoulders as he pulls me close.

"Yeah you're a little funny." He mumbles before giving me a kiss, slipping his hands in my back pocket giving my butt a squeeze and making me let out a small squeal.

"Brooke Davis!" I hear someone call pulling away from my boyfriend to see Kim, Amber's mom looking at us. Now one would have to explain Kim to fully understand. She had her first kid at I think 16 maybe 17 and now she is 34 and nuts. Like I'm not kidding she is the most hilarious person I know and the fact she is about 200 something pounds and struts around like she is a size 0 super model makes her all the better. The woman is amazing and she kills me.

"Oh umm…Hi Kim." I greet blushing a little wiping my bottom lip, "Uh how are you?"

"How am I?" She questions tilting her head to the side, "I am over weight, single and at a damn ballpark with a weird guy with a lazy eye following me around, so clearly I am fantastic." She says with a straight face making me laugh, "But you know I may give the lazy eye guy a chance, he did have a nice ass."

"God Kim your nuts." I roll my eyes at her with a laugh.

"But enough about my day. You seem to be doing well." She smirks running her eyes up and down Lucas, "Are you dipping into that water?" She raises her eyebrow at me.

"Yes Kim, yes I am dipping in the water." I laugh snuggling against Lucas's chest. Kim use to joke about Tony with my mom about '_dipping in the water_' she would tell her that as good looking as Tony is, the fact he is in college and girls were always more _'comfortable'_ sleeping in his bed when there was a party she had to accept he was dipping in the water. In other words she told my mom to accept Tony is hot as hell and has sex. She stated it that way when my mom didn't catch on.

"Well I would be dipping too."

"God Kim," I shake my head with a laugh, "Lucas this is Kim, Amber's mom and Kim this is my boyfriend Lucas."

"Hi." Lucas nods with a smile resting his chin on the top of my head, "It's nice to meet you."

"It's nice that Brooke got her teeth cleaned with your tongue." Kim smirks and yeah did I mention that Kim is like super honest; I mean she is super sarcastic but she is always honest.

"Sorry." Lucas blushes which makes me laugh that he was embarrassed but he needs to know he does not need to ever be embarrassed around Kim. I mean out of all the people to catch us making out I am so glad it was her; she is so laid back its ridiculous.

"Oh honey don't be it's about time someone loosened up our Brookie." She teases, "Oh Brookie I bet that wait was worth it." She winks at Lucas who just smiles more.

"Kim!" I shriek embarrassed she just said that. I mean yeah it was but come on who wants to be reminded all the time they were as pure as snow until they were 18.

"What? Was it not worth the wait?" She questions.

"No!" I answer but then realize what I said when they both give me weird looks, Lucas's look is especially weird like I just bruised his ego bad, "I mean yes. Yes it was worth it, I mean it was amazing." I correct looking up at my boyfriend, "Being with him is always amazing." I say but more to him as he grins running his hands down my sides and resting on my hips, "It's perfect." I bit my bottom lip before pushing my lips against his.

"Oh ya'll are sick." I hear Kim and picture her rolling her eyes as she smacks my butt then walking away.

"Why does everyone think we are sick?" I pout pulling out of our kiss.

"Because I think we have become one of those annoyingly make out all the time, super lovey dovey couples." Lucas informs me as he wraps his arm around my shoulder and we start walking over to the bleachers.

"But I love that we are one of those couples. They are all just jealous." I shrug.

"Yes Pretty Girl I think they are extremely jealous." Lucas agrees kissing the top of my head as we get ready to watch Kylee's next game.

* * *

So Kylee has just started her fourth game of the day and we all are just sitting here watching. Tony, Jason and Aiden are off wondering the woods because they got bored and mom is talking to Brittney's mom since they are best friends and well I'm just sitting here watching the game with Lucas.

"Let's go Ky!" I yell as she walks up to bat, "She is so cute." I grin leaning back on the bleacher my body positioned in between my boyfriend's legs as he sits on the bleacher behind me.

"You're cute." Lucas grins as he leans down kissing the side of my head, then moving my hair off my neck and putting it on my left shoulder as he starts to kiss my neck.

"Luke…" I breathe out a little heavier then I wanted to as he starts to suck my neck and I run my hand through his blonde hair and tilting my head to the side a little.

"You know what we should do?" Lucas mummers against my neck as he runs his mouth up to my ear tugging on my earlobe.

"What should we do Broody?" I ask really loving the feeling of him kissing me.

"We should go back to your place." He tells me as he kisses behind my ear and making my heart race.

"And why do you want to go back to my place?" I ask already knowing the answer just like hearing him say it, I'm dumb I know.

"Because I want you so much." He tells me pulling my hair a little so he can get better access to my neck.

"Broody are you horny?" I tease running my hand up his leg.

"Very." He admits making me let out a small giggle, "Do you know how long I have been without you?" He asks like I don't know. I know it's been almost two weeks, I know we haven't had sex since Tony's birthday but it was his fault. He had to go out of town for a week and then when I planned on making his night home very memorable he punched Felix. Yes I know it was to defend me but I was not happy with it so I have kind of put him on a no sex rule.

Now he is not at all for it, he has been trying hard. I mean the night he punched Felix I woke up to him attacking my neck and hands running over my body begging for me to wake up, yet when I did I just teased him, deepening the kiss, rubbing my body against his and my hand up in between his legs brushing my hand against him enough to make him groan and want more but then I just rolled over telling him night.

He wasn't too pleased.

"Baby I really, really want you." He whispers in my ear, "We can go back to your place and lock ourselves in your room before everyone comes home." He tells me, "I'll do that thing you love so much." He kisses behind my ear and I get tingles.

"Baby…" I gasp as he runs his hand around my waist and under the front of my shirt brushing his finger tips barely over my stomach making me get goose bumps. Does he not know we are in a ballpark, that people are all around and that him turning me on the bleacher is not a good idea?

I mean yeah where we are sitting and what we are doing no one can really see. With his head bent down it just looks like he is whispering something in my ear and with his hand under my shirt it's blocked by his jacket and how we are positioned no one can really see but still. I know the reason behind us not sleeping together is because of me but I am going nuts here too. I mean as long as he isn't rubbing his hands all over me I am fine but when he is kissing along my neck and rubbing his hand down my body I go nuts.

"Nope, nope, nope." I pull away from him making him groan, "You are not going to be doing that."

"Why are you being so mean to me?" He pouts like a child making me laugh.

"Broody what am I going to do with you?" I shake my head spinning around to face him resting my chin on his knee.

"Let me take you home and you can do whatever you want to me." He grins giving me a sneaky smirk.

"No, no I'm not." I shake my head from getting lost in the ideas running around in my head.

"Please." He pushes his lip out even further.

"When did you become so, so sex crazed?" I question waving my head around in the air.

"Since my girlfriend hasn't let me touch her in almost two weeks." He informs me making me shake my head.

"That one is all on you." I point at him making him roll his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah it's my fault, I left, I punched someone. Yet it wouldn't be so bad if you didn't keep teasing me. Turning me all on just too roll back over and go to sleep, that isn't very nice." He tells me making me laugh.

"How can you go four months without having sex with me but then not go two weeks?" I question being as we were together, getting to know each other and such for months and never had sex but now he is going nuts over two weeks.

"Yes but you see…" He starts saying pulling my hair off my neck and kissing up it, "I went months without it which sucked, I mean seriously sucked especially since in your sleep you have a habit of snuggling all close to me," He tells me wrapping his arms around me, "Your legs get all tangled in mine and you move in your sleep so you would sometimes rub all against me, hand would rub a little low."

"I did no such thing!" I object but he just laughs heavy in my ear.

"You do Pretty Girl, you do." He chuckles, "But you see then you would barley wake up, I mean really just a little and enough to roll on top of me kiss all along my neck mumbling things that to this day I still don't know but you did; then you would just snuggle your head against me and go back to sleep."

"I do not do that." I pout crossing me arms over my chest.

"You do. I mean there were sometimes when I was about damn positive I could just take you in your sleep because sometimes you just got extremely _friendly_." He smirks.

"Well I'm glad you didn't since I wouldn't have remembered any of it." I tell him turning my head back to look at his gorgeous face.

"And that would be terrible." He grins leaning in giving me a soft kiss, "But back to the point those nights were hard, very hard but since I never had sex with you it was easier but once you gave in I knew what it was like so now you can't just give me those nights and then not let me get anything more."

"Boy do I love you." I smile cupping his cheek as he smiles, "But God only knows why." I joke pushing him back making him groan, "You're so cute when you are begging." I joke standing up and wiggling my hips in front of him as I fix my shirt.

"God damn you are such a tease." He informs me as he stands up behind me, "I'm going to go find the guys." He mumbles smacking my butt hard with he walks by.

"Hey!" I squeal rubbing my stinging butt, "That hurt." I pout.

"Yeah, yeah." He waves his hand at me as he jumps off the bleacher on search for the boys.

"Butthead." I mumble as I walk over to sit with my mom and everyone else too talk.

* * *

"Yeah Rach…" I say trapping my phone between my ear and shoulder, "I'm home so just come over whenever." I tell her putting down my bag as we all head inside, "Sounds good see you soon. Love ya." I hang up tossing my phone on the coffee table falling next to Lucas on the couch along with the boys and Kylee.

"I am going to go do some work." Mom tells us grabbing her lap top off the table, "When I'm done I'll pick up something to eat for ya'll or we can just order a pizza or something."

"Sounds good." We all call as she heads upstairs to her room.

"Who were you talking too?" Jason asks as we flip through the channels on the TV.

"Oh Rachel, she said she needed to talk about something so was heading over in a bit." I shrug picking at some chips on Kylee's plate.

"Mom said she was making dinner or picking something up." Tony tells her also picking a few chips.

"I know that but- Stop." She groans slapping his hand away when he goes for another chip, "I know but I am starving now." She tells him taking a bite of her sandwich, "I'll eat whatever she gets also."

"Fat ass." Jason teases getting a glare from Kylee.

"So what do you uhh think Rachel wants to talk about?" Tony asks as he plays with his phone.

"I think I might have an idea but I'm not positive." I tell him honestly pretty sure I know what my best friend needs to talk about. I saw her nervous face the other night; she only gets nervous for really one thing so I'm pretty sure I know what.

"Oh really?" Tony comments and I just nod moving around on the couch so I'm cuddled up against my boyfriend.

"So Kylee who was that kid you were talking too at the game?" Jason asks and I roll my eyes figuring that would come up. I swear the girl was just talking to the kid. I didn't even think the boys were around to see it but I swear again they have like a tracking device on us. Like just a little scanner or something that beeps when a boy gets to close.

"No one." Kylee mumbles and I can tell she is annoyed. She hates when they get all over protective and embarrass her.

"He didn't look like no one." Tony chimes in and Kylee growls.

"Why can't ya'll just leave it at no one?" I defend my sister, "If it was someone I would know and I don't know so I agree with her no one statement." I somewhat lie getting a thank you grin from my baby sister.

"Well I mean he-" Lucas starts to talk and I slam my hand over his mouth to shut him up.

"You need to be quiet." I order him and he growls at me pulling my hand away from his face.

"I think Luke is right with whatever he was going to say. That guy was someone. He was getting a little too close to you Ky." Jason says and I notice Kylee's jaw lock as she stared as the screen in front of her. I don't think she is even watching the show just not wanting to look at our brothers.

"Look he wasn't doing anything wrong. He said good game Kylee just like the rest of us said to her. What is so wrong with that?" I snap now getting annoyed. I sometimes hate brothers.

"Look I am a guy and I know what guys think." Tony says and I roll my eyes hating that damn I am a guy thing.

"He is 14 how much of a guy can he be!" I argue.

"At 14 is the worst they are hitting that whole oh I want to touch everything stage." Jason says and this time I growl just like my baby sister, "What you don't think guys at all ages don't want to first have sex with a girl? Have you never heard of the whole sex appeal thing? Physical attraction is what pulls a guy in before anything."

"Kylee is 14 she does not have sex appeal!" I throw my hands in the air at how dumb that is, "I mean of course Ky your gorgeous but I mean she looks damn 14 maybe 15 years old!" I say as Kylee still stays quiet, "And I think that whole guys think of sex first is bullshit."

"Umm no its not." Tony waves his finger in the air, "Luke what was the first thing you thought when you saw Brooke?"

"That she was hot." Lucas answers simple with a nod I figure agreeing with Tony and Jason's argument.

"See he thought you were hot which means he didn't think of a relationship with you at first he thought I want to have sex with that girl." Tony tells me and I snap my head over at my boyfriend wondering if he is going to agree with that.

"I did not think that!" He objects and I still just stare at him as the boys roll their eyes, "I mean ok maybe at first-"

"Lucas!" I shriek not believing that, "I can't believe you played me at first just so you might get to have sex with me!" I snap completely shocked. Here I thought my boyfriend was just so sweet, we had such a cute moment that morning in bed but now it turns out he just wanted to screw me.

"Well if you would let me talk for a second." He rolls his eye running his finger tips up and down my thigh, "Like I said at first when I walked in and I was talking to Nate I thought you were hot and ok I'm a guy of course that crossed my mind _but _then I got to talk to you and that morning in bed I quickly realized I wanted something way more than just that." He smiles and boy does my boy know all the right things to say to make my smile.

"Nice recovery." I smile leaning in giving him a small kiss before snuggling back up close against him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" Tony throws his hand up shaking his head for a second, "That morning? Why the hell were ya'll in bed together after knowing each other a night?" He questions his over protective brother side coming in again and I roll my eyes. Why does that matter now?

"Tony relax." Kylee mumbles grabbing a chip and popping it in her mouth, "They shared a bed what is such a big deal?"

"Well its one hell of a big deal if ya'll were off doing…well doing each other on knowing each other a night! Seriously Luke what the hell dude?" He snaps throwing a pillow at him.

"Dude I didn't do anything!" Lucas catches the pillow throwing it back, "I mean I tried to make out with her but that was it!" He defends quickly and I just smile, ha in your face Theresa he liked me that night no matter what you tried to do. Skank.

"Well that better be it." He growls a little falling back on the couch, "Trying to have sex with my little sister the first night knowing her; not cool man, not cool." He mumbles more to himself making me roll my eyes.

"Tony shut up your dumb." I shake my head.

"Well I am off." Kylee jumps up I guess taking her chance now and getting away since now the boys are stuck on me and Lucas. Fun.

"Nah huh don't think so Ky we are going to talk about this." Tony calls her back and though she is behind the wall and from the angle I'm at I can't see her I can still see the fire building up in her. One thing little sister hates most is when the boys treat her like a baby. Act like she is the most perfect little thing because being put on the perfect pedestal is hard. The fear of making one mistake and falling disappointing them all, yeah I have been on that thing, hell still kind of am but poor Kylee is so high I know it's making her mad.

"I'm not talking about it because it's nothing! I don't even like the guy!" She yells lying completely but I will not chime in on that lie. I will let her tell them that and even let her believe it herself as long as possible because sooner or later she will admit it.

"Then why won't you tell me his name?"

"Cause I don't want too!" She growls.

"Just tell us!"

"Just leave me alone! You are being annoying!"

"I don't care if I am being annoying. You don't have a damn dad looking after you so I am here to take care of you so tell me what that kid's name is!" Tony dives in way to protective and way crossing the line. You do not throw the not having a dad thing in Kylee's face. Yeah Tony, Jay and I aren't really bothered by that fact; I mean sometimes yeah it sucks but it's whatever; however with Kylee it's different. She wants one and hates being reminded she doesn't have one.

"Tony leave her alone!" I growl about to slap my brother across the face.

"Kylee tell me his name n-" Tony goes to snap yet his words get completely cut off by Kylee's sandwich flying right into his face and we all starting to die laughing.

"His name is Jett now leave me alone!" She yells stomping up the stairs leaving a stunned Tony wiping whatever was on her sandwich off his face and the rest of us doubled over in laughter.

"You know…" Tony licks his finger, "I don't think I can even be mad about that."

"No because one you deserved it and two that was funny as hell." I laugh holding my stomach that was hurting from laughing so much.

"Dude she just pegged you with her sandwich." Jason laughs I'm sure like me not believing that. You didn't even see it happening. The way the sofa is set up where Lucas and I were you didn't see Kylee just a flying sandwich going through the room. That was priceless.

"I bet that shows you to not pick on her." I laugh standing up fixing my shirt, "Now I expect you to just leave her alone." I pretty much order taking my boyfriend's hand as we head down the hall to my room.

* * *

"That was great." I continue to laugh walking into my room shutting the door behind Lucas, "Seriously that made my whole night."

"Yeah who would thought sweet little Kylee would throw something at Tony of all people." Lucas agrees as he walks into my bathroom looking for something.

"Oh Kylee is just like me in that respect. No matter how much we love you know when you shouldn't push." I shake my head as I slip off my shoes, "God I am exhausted. I haven't slept good in what feels like days." I fall back on my bed blowing my hair out of my face, "Luke?" I call climbing off my bed heading over to the bathroom after a few minutes of being completely quiet, like scary quiet, "Lucas what are you-" And I freeze at the door at my boyfriend.

"Brooke…I uhh…" He stutters staring at the little box in his hand.

"Lucas that's not mine." I tell him walking over taking it from his hands placing it back under my sink.

"But it's in your bathroom. I mean people just don't buy pregnancy test for fun." He tells me like I am dumb not knowing that.

"I know Luke but I swear that's not mine. Truth is Rachel and Haley have had scares. Now I mean Nathan didn't know nor did Cooper so don't tell them but they did."

"I won't say anything but is that why you have it? Just because you are worried. Brooke you don't need to worry about that I mean we are always protected. Plus you're on the pill so you are safe even if one time we slip up." He says and my stomach drops and I know he notices it because then I see the worry spread across his face, "Brooke you're on the pill right?"

"Yeah." I lie not wanting to tell my boyfriend I'm not, "We're safe so don't worry." I give a fake smile leaning up giving him a kiss trying to calm him, "But really that is Rachel's. Her and Hales take their test over here so their parents don't know and when we were at the bar Rachel was being weird and said how she might yet then Jen walked up cutting her off so I just assumed…" I trail off and he nods getting it.

"Well I hope not only because Rachel and Cooper just broke up and then on top of that she now wants-" Lucas stops like he just realized what he was saying. Like he was all of a sudden about to say something he shouldn't be.

"She what?" I ask but Lucas just shrugs a mumbled nothing before walking out of the bathroom, "No Luke what you mean she wants-" Then my words get cut off by his lips slamming into mine completely catching me off guard, "Lucas are you just trying to get away with not answering me?" I mumble against his lips as we move towards my bed my legs slamming into the side making me fall on my back pulling him with me.

"Nope." He mumbles back completely lying and I go to object to that until his tongue slips in my mouth silencing me. I know he is, I know he knows something I don't and I know I really want to know but whatever I'll argue with him about telling me later.

"Lucas…" I gasp as he runs his kiss down my jaw to my neck, "Luke, sweetie everyone is home." I remind him as his hand runs up under my shirt.

"We have done it before." He mumbles as he starts to rock his hips against mine making the feeling of want slow take over.

"But they were asleep. Not awake down the hall where they could hear." I point out running my hand through his hair, "Uhh Lucas…" I moan as I wrap my legs around him.

"We'll turn on a movie and be really, really quiet." He suggest and as his body rubs against mine and his hands run all over me I am so thinking that is a good idea.

"What movie?" I wonder flipping us over so I am on top of him rocking back and forth.

"Shit baby I don't care. I won't be watching it." He groans as I start to kiss along his neck running my hand down his chest.

"You sure? Because I don't want you paying more attention to the movie then me." I tease a little slipping my hand in the front of his pants.

"That uhh…that won't happen." He moans a little as my fingers graze over his growing friend.

"Are you sure?" I tease a little more sucking under his jaw biting it some before slipping my hand in the front of his boxers taking him in my hand.

"Positive." He moans arching his back a little as my hand runs slowly up and down, "Mmm…Brooke." He breaths out making me giggle.

"Look how easy I get a _rise_ out of you." I smirk moving my body on top of his.

"What are- uhh…." He moans as I grip him a little tighter moving my hand up and down, "What are you talking about?" He gasps out closing his eyes as he talks making me laugh a little more, "I can get you off- Mmm… four minutes." He gets out quick.

"That's not true!" I object letting go of him crossing my arms over my chest making him groan.

"Really Brooke really? You're stopping now?" He groans darting his eyes down at his lower part.

"Yes you can just finish _that _all by yourself." I climb off my bed away from him, "Four minutes? Really? Am I that easy?"

"That doesn't make you easy." He chuckles at me, he is laughing! He tells me he can get me off in four minutes and he is laughing at that! "That makes me really great at turning you on." He winks making me growl at him, "Oh I love when you growl." He teases resting his hands behind his head.

"I wouldn't be so cocky considering, well yeah." I nod towards where I clearly turned him on.

"I won't be, now come back please." He begs making me smile. I love when he begs like a little kids it's so adorable.

"Why you want me to come back?" I tease skipping over to my dresser.

"Because I am going nuts with you across the room." He says making me laugh, "Please." He pouts sticking out his bottom lip and I roll my eyes playfully at him as I walk over climbing up my bed, up him and kissing his pouting lip.

"Lucas!" I squeal as he flips me over pinning my hands above my head.

"Hi." He smiles looking down at me.

"Hi." I smile back leaning up kissing him as he left go of my arms placing his hands on my cheeks pulling me closer, "Luke…" I gasp out as he starts sucking on my neck rocking his hips into mine as I wrap my legs around his waist.

"If ya'll are going to be doing this you might want to lock the door." We hear; us both jumping apart, Lucas falling off the bed as flies off me.

"God Rachel!" I freak placing my hand on my racing heart, "I thought you were my mom or something." I say brushing my hair back as Lucas climbs back onto my bed.

"Nope not your mom but imagine that awkward moment. Good thing ya'll weren't getting to busy because can you imagine how hard it would be for your mom to look Lukie over here in the eye if she caught him thrusting into her all sweet innocent daughter."

"Rachel!" I shriek not believing she just said that and is now leaning against the door frame smirking at me.

"Shut up Rachel." Lucas mumbles grabbing his jacket off the ground clearly a little irritated, "Bye baby I'll call you later." He leans in giving me a small kiss, "Love you."

"Love you too." I smile as he starts towards the door glaring at Rachel the whole way.

"Aww don't be such a poor sport Lukie I'm sure you get to finish corrupting my best friend later." Rachel teases.

"Don't be so cocky Rach being as you're about to drop a bomb on her." Lucas says confusing me completely but making my best friend's face drop, "Someone's not so smug now." He says tossing a glance at me before walking out of the room.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I ask completely confused as my friend stands at the door fiddling with her fingers, "Rachel why the hell do you have secrets with _my_ boyfriend!" I snap a little not liking the fact they both are hiding something from me and on top of that she is just being so quiet, "Rachel!" I yell making her jump some.

"Brookie don't get so freaked out. It's not anything that has to do with Lucas and me." She tells me in her normal not caring attitude but I know my best friend, I know there is something that is making her nervous.

"Well there is clearly something he knows that I don't." I point out and she nods.

"Yeah there is but I didn't tell him anything." She says and now I am even more confused, "Look Brooke…" She says moving across my room sitting down on my bed, "You know you are my best friend. Like seriously even though I love Hales and even Bevin and Peyton at the end of the day it's always me and you, bitch; tease, Brooke, Rachel." She tells me and this is not clearing up my confusion, "Well you know how I broke up with Cooper?"

"Yeah I know and Rachel if you're worried I have an extra test." I tell her quickly.

"An extra test?" She says a little confused and I give a small shrug nodding my head to the bathroom, "Oh no Brooke it's not that. I mean I'm not pregnant but why do you have an extra test? Why do you have a test? Brooke you're not-"

"No!" I tell her quickly shaking my head, "I just had one left over from you or Hales."

"Oh ok you had me worried." She lets out a small laugh, "But ok look Cooper and I haven't been happy in awhile. We are just two totally different people and changed so much and that is a major reason we broke up yet there is something else… someone else." She whispers the last part picking at my bed spread.

"Rachel I didn't know you were seeing someone else."

"Yeah it really just sorta happened. After the night where you left with Lucas to go back to his apartment _he_ called and we talked and I guess I was upset thinking about all things Cooper so I invited him over and then I guess one thing lead to a whole other thing and I… I slept with him."

"Rachel it's alright. I mean you know I am not for cheating but I know you and Cooper were pretty much over anyway so I get it. I understand." I promise giving her a comforting smile as I patting her on the leg, "But who was it? Anyone I know?" I ask and she nods quickly and even though she is upset I see the smile that is spread across her whole face as she looks down, "He must be pretty great if he makes you smile this much."

"He is. He is amazing and at first we both tried to say it was nothing. That he was drinking and I was lonely and it happened but it didn't just happen Brooke. I'm crazy about him." She looks up at me extremely worried.

"Well that's a good thing isn't it? I mean being crazy over someone." I shrug not getting the bad in any of this. I mean if my best friend is happy I'm happy.

"Brooke its Tony." She says looking up at me and my stomach drops.

"Tony like a Tony that isn't my brother Tony?" I almost beg because this is exactly what I didn't want happening.

"No Brooke like Tony down the hall Tony." She looks down again fiddling with her fingers, "That night he called to say he was home and I don't know what happened but he came over and then we were talking and he kissed me and I liked it so-"

"I don't need to hear the details." I cut her off climbing off my bed, "Rachel he is my brother! He isn't just one of those guys you meet out somewhere and bring home! He is my brother!"

"Brooke I know who he is ok! I know and I didn't plan on it, we didn't plan on it but it happened."

"Tony!" I yell wondering where my brother is, "Tony come here now!" I scream and after what seems like a lifetime big brother slowly makes his way into my room, "Well here is the man of the hour. A little coward like sending her in here alone don't ya think?" I tilt my head to the side crossing my arms over my chest.

"Guess the ball has been dropped huh?" He tries to joke but it's not funny, I'm not in the mood for funny, "Brooke it's not that big of a deal."

"It is a big deal a very big deal! I mean what if this…" I wave my hand between them, "Doesn't work out? What if it ends badly with one of ya'll falling harder for the other and ya'll end? Do you know how awkward that will be for me? I mean you two won't have to see each other ever again but I will have to deal with a possible heartbroken best friend or a broken hearted brother!" I snap. God this will end badly, there is no way it will end well and when it does I get to clean up the mess. Plus I know Tony he doesn't just give into anyone, doesn't try being something with anyone so if he is trying he is really caring and if he is really caring then he could really get hurt and I will say one thing Rachel best friend or not she hurts my brother that's it, no fixing it.

"Brooke you can't just go predicting the end of something that hasn't had a chance to start." Tony shakes his head at me annoyed, "I am a big old boy Brooke and Rachel is a big girl and what we do really is no business of yours!"

"It is my business when it involves my _brother _and my _best friend_! Plus Tony you are old you should be dating someone your age or I don't know older." I mumble sitting down on my bed.

"Brooke you know how dumb that sounds?" Tony asks and I just cross my arms over my chest and cross my legs staring at the wall, "Last time I checked Lucas was almost 23 like me and you are about to be 19 like Rachel so if I should date someone older shouldn't Lucas?" He question and I just glare at him.

"What about Ryann? I thought you were just so crazy texting with her. Hell your birthday you were smiling and text like a dork." I remind him almost positive I saw big brother texting crazy on his birthday; hell everyone made jokes about it.

"That was actually me he was texting." Rachel chimes back in and I roll my eyes, of course it was.

"And with Ryann it just didn't work out. I tried I mean after it happened Rachel and I just tried to ignore it so I went to hang with Ryann but I just didn't feel anything. I didn't feel for her what I did Rachel." He shrugs and if this wasn't such a shocking moment the look and smile he gives Rachel would be extremely cute.

"Well that's messed up I worked hard for you and Ryann to work out." I pout a little getting a laugh from my brother.

"Brookie." He shakes his head walking over and sitting next to me on the bed, "You're my baby sister, you drive me nuts and most the time I want to kill you but you are and I don't want to make you mad. I don't want to do something you are not at all ok with. So…So me and Rachel decided if you are just not at all ok with this then…" He sighs looking up at my silent red headed friend who was looking down, "Then we won't do it."

"Really?" I ask and he slowly and sadly nods, "So it's just all up to me?" I ask and again they both give me a sad nod, "Ok…well here is my thoughts. Rach you are my very best friend and I want you happy, you deserve to be happy as do you T. Yet this is all I am going to say if ya'll want to be together then I'm fine with it but Rach Tony is my brother, he is my blood, my family and if you hurt him then I can't promise me and you will be the same." I tell her and she nods understanding. Rachel is my best friend which means I know her past, I know how she is with guys and all I am saying is my brother better not turn out like one of her past guys.

"I understand Brooke. Thanks." Rachel grabs my hand pulling me into a hug, "You're my best friend and I love you."

"I know I love you too." I smile hugging her back sticking my tongue out at my brother who laughs shaking his head.

"Well now that that's all settled I'm thinking we go out to eat." Tony jumps up off my bed, "I'm starving."

"When are you not starving?" Rachel teases as Tony grabs her side making her laugh. Ok I admit they are pretty cute.

"Alright whatever I am going to eat and offering to buy are ya'll in or not?" He asks trying to give a serious tone that just makes us laugh.

"Sure we are in." I nod loving free stuff, "But ya'll go ahead I'll be right out." I tell them and they nod walking out giving each other these goofy smiles. Walking back into my bathroom I reach under my sink playing with the little box before looking in my reflection.

"Brooke you coming?" Tony yells making me jump a little.

"Yeah I'm coming!" I yell back shaking my head tossing the box back under the sink and heading out of my room.

* * *

**Review loves they make me happy :D**


	29. Chapter 29

"Hello?" I answer my phone as I sit on my bed.

"_Hey Pretty Girl what are you doing today?_" I hear the voice of my boyfriend ask. We haven't really talked much today which is weird and since Kylee's game when he came over the other day we haven't hung out. I really don't know why since we are normal attached at the hip but lately I just haven't been myself. I mean I know why, I just get in these moods sometimes but I need my boyfriend, I need not to push him away right now.

"Umm nothing." I shrug as I flip over in my bed closing my eyes, "I haven't really thought about it." I tell him pulling my legs into my body feeling a little cramp in my stomach. I need to eat something; when I don't I get these cramps and when I get these cramps my mom finds out and then she gets less than happy.

"_Well I am supposed to watch Lily today for a little while because mom is going away with Keith and Deb, Nathan's mom, normally watches her but she had to go into work for a little while so yeah._" He explains, "_I was wondering if you wanted to go with me and get something to eat with her and maybe ice cream or something._"

"Yeah." I nod snuggling against my pillow wanting just to rest a little longer, "That sounds like a plan."

"_Babe I know I said you would meet everyone and I promise when mom and Keith get back you will._" He says and I hope he doesn't think my lack in answer was because I'm angry about that; I'm not just tired.

"I know; I know I will I'm just tired but I am getting up now and you want me to just meet you somewhere?" I ask trying to sound more excited.

"_Yeah well we are going to head to the park first so if you just want to meet there. Then after when Deb gets off work she will pick up Lily and you can come over if you want._"

"Yeah that sounds good." I somewhat mumble into the phone with a yawn.

"_Pretty Girl you ok?_" Lucas asks concerned.

"Yeah Luke I'm fine. I just didn't sleep much last night." I tell him.

"_Why? What's going on?_"

"Nothing just a little stressed. No biggie."

"_You sure?_"

"Yeah positive. But I will be there soon."

"_Ok love you._"

"You too. Bye." I say hanging up and rolling over in my bed. I'll just sleep ten more minutes then head out. My body is begging me to sleep ten more minutes.

* * *

Well that ten minutes last a lot longer then I planned on. A whole thirty minutes longer and now I am rushing to get to my boyfriend that I promised to meet almost an hour back. I hope he isn't mad I'm late. I didn't mean to sleep so long; damn it I should have set an alarm.

Pulling into the parking lot; I park my car and head over to the playground where I see the figure of my boyfriend and a small little brunette girl on a swing. She is giggling as Lucas pushes her back and forth and that is a cute scene. My boyfriend being so sweet with his little sister is a adorable.

"Brooke!" Lucas calls as I stand at the edge of the playground just staring at them. He waves me over to them and I stand a little longer just watching before walking over to them; "Hey Pretty Girl." He kisses the side of my head.

"Hey." I give a weak smile, "I'm sorry I'm late."

"It's fine." He smiles as he gives the little girl a small push.

"Yeah." I whisper a little leaning up against the rail by the swing; "Are you Lily?" I smile at the little girl in the swing looking at me curiously.

"Lily, this is Brooke." Lucas introduces and she kind of tilts her head to the side giving me a look, "Lil can you say hi?" Lucas asks picking her up out of the swing. She just looks at me; like she is trying to figure me out or something and after a few moments she just mumbles a 'hi' and curls her body into her brother's, "She is a little shy." He explains and I nod understanding that; I'm use to kids.

"Well that's cool because I'm a little shy too." I grin; "Lily you see that slide over there?" I point and she just nods, "Well you see I really want to go on it but I'm a little scared."

"You scared?" She asks with wide eyes like that is the craziest thing she has ever heard.

"Yeah I am really scared." I tell her matching her wide eyes.

"But you big." She informs me as she chews on her finger, "You bigger than me."

"I know! It's crazy huh?"

"Berry." She nods getting me and Lucas to laugh a little, "I swide with yew." She says making me smile.

"Really?" I ask excited seeing my boyfriend grin as he puts Lily on the ground to stand.

"Mhmm." She hums taking her soft little baby hand and grabbing onto mine as we walk over to the slide. The thing is actually pretty big. It's one of those spiral slides that goes around a giant pole. The only downside to the thing is trying to walk up the playground; through a small tunnel that seriously killed my back and then up a few stairs dodging kids the whole way.

"Ok Lily maybe I shouldn't this is really high." I look down as she climbs into my lap to slide, "You promise it won't be scary?"

"You so silly." She giggles shaking her head, her little curls bouncing all around, "Lukie is down at de bottom." She says and I peer over the side seeing Lucas standing texting someone as we get ready to slide.

"Ok if you think it's safe." I play along wrapping my arms around her, "We will go on three." I say and she nods, "One, Two."

"Tree!" She squeals making me laugh as I push off and we start down. The giggle she has the whole way down kills me. It is so sweet, so innocent, and so perfect. The days of being two were so easy, so care free and I wish sometimes to go back to the small innocence being a child once was, "Dat was fun." She giggles more brushing her hair out of her face licking her bottom lip.

"That sure was, wasn't it?" I ask standing up picking her up in my arms, "It wasn't scary at all."

"Told you." She shakes her head wrapping her arms around my neck.

"Well looks like someone had fun." Lucas teases pushing his phone back in his pocket, "Did you have fun Lil?"

"Yes! Book was scared but I help her." She gives a proud smile making me and Lucas laugh.

"It's Brooke Lily." Lucas shook his head at her words but I just find it cute. I mean yeah never been called a Book before, even when Aiden and Kylee was little I was Sissy for Aiden or just Brooke, Bwooke, or Brookie with Kylee but I do like the Book.

"I say that." Lily rolls her baby blue eyes that look a lot like her brother's, and then I laugh when she growls just like him.

"Don't you growl at me Lily Scott." He teases pointing at her and I die when she just squints her eyes growling at him again, "That's it." he says grabbing her from my arms quickly and tickling her.

"Stop, stop, stop!" She giggles wiggling in his arms, "Book help me!" She begs and I go to take her back.

"You touch her Pretty Girl and you're next." He warns smirking at me and I pause a second as he stops tickling her and she catches her breath.

"Well if that's the case." I sway side to side, "I'll risk it." I grab Lily quickly taking off down the playground with him following.

"Run Book!" Lily giggles as we dodge Lucas and the play equipment.

"Go Lily." I put her down and her little feet run up the stairs of the playground as I catch my breath.

"Got ya!" Lucas grabs me by the waist picking me off the ground and spinning us in circles.

"Lucas!" I squeal slamming my eyes shut as we spin around and around before collapsing in the grass.

"That might have been a bad idea." Lucas runs his hands over his face, "I'm dizzy."

"I'm sorry Broody." I laugh a little just looking down at him underneath me.

"Where's Lil?" he asks with his eyes closed and I look over my shoulder to see her just playing, "Is she ok?"

"Yeah she is playing with a little boy." I joke and his eyes shoot open.

"She's what?" He freaks leaning up but with me still on him to see over my shoulder, "You're dumb." He rolls his eyes falling on his back after seeing what I did.

"I'm sorry." I laugh brushing my hair behind my ear, "Lucas…" I whisper and he opens his eyes too look at me and looking at the blue orbs that look into me makes mine tear up.

"Whoa baby what's wrong?" He sits up with me in his lap tossing a glance over my shoulder I'm sure to see what Lily is doing before looking back at me, "What happened? Are you ok?"

"No, yes. I don't know." I let out a dry laugh shaking my head at my dumbness, "Everything just seems to wrong and I feel so weird."

"What you mean? Why do you feel weird?" He asks running his hands up and down my arms.

"I don't know, my body is so tense and sore and I haven't had a good night's sleep in what feels like a lifetime so I'm so exhausted! Richard is making mom's life a living hell. Rachel is dating or hooking up with my brother and I said I was ok with it but I don't know and on top of that my car is making this annoying noise and I don't know what's wrong with it and I can't stop crying! Like everything is just making me break down like a big baby. I keep trying to ignore everything but I can't ignore it! I can't ignore it when its right in my face and god Luke what are going to do?" I throw my hands over my face wishing I would stop.

"Ok, ok it's ok." He sooths pulling my hands off my face to look at him, "It's ok." He nods a little again tossing a glance over my shoulder at his sister, "You are just stressed and that's ok."

"Lucas that's not it." I try to tell him but he shakes his head no at me.

"Pretty Girl you put too much on yourself, whether it's with family or friends or Richard and you just need to relax. You need take a step back and just breathe." He says and I nod taking in a long shaky breath and breathing it out, "Ok with you being exhausted you need to sleep and relax. When we drop Lily off we will go back to my place and get you in the hot tub to calm down all those tightened and tensed muscles and then when we get out I will personally massage whatever you want and if you want to sleep then you can sleep the rest of the day. I will look at the noise in your car and make sure it's ok and with the whole Rachel and Tony thing don't worry about it. I know it's hard and I know you want to support them but I know you are also worried about it all and you need to stop."

"I can't Lucas my brother is dating my best friend."

"I know, I know he is but what they do has nothing to do with you. Your relationship with both is so strong that if they don't work out it will be ok. You won't lose either one of them. It may be hard at first but soon you will make it back to what you all were and it will be fine." He tells me wiping my tear, "I promise it will be ok. I just need you to not stress out so much."

"God look at me." I shake my head at my stupidity, "We were having fun and I ruin it all."

"You didn't ruin it. You just needed a time out from it." He smiles making my heart flutter, "It's ok alright." He smiles leaning in giving me a soft kiss.

"I love you Lucas Scott. I love you so much and don't know where I would be without you." I tell him honestly running my hand through his hair, "You're perfect."

"I love you too baby." He grins that little boyish grin I love so much leaning up and capturing my lips again, "And trust me you won't ever have to worry about me going anywhere." He says and I give him a small sad smile pulling him in for another kiss.

* * *

"Book I want strawberry." Lily points at the ice cream freezer as we stand in the shop getting ice cream. Lily is letting me hold her, isn't that amazing and she didn't even bite me when I leaned in kissing Lucas earlier. I think she already likes me better than Aislinn.

"Ok baby girl we will get you strawberry." I smile taking her little hand in mine and giving it a small kiss, "Babe you got it all?" I ask looking over at Lucas who just nods as he pulls out his wallet, "Well we are sitting down."

"Ok." He smiles kissing the top of my head as Lily and I walk over taking a seat.

"Book, Book, Book." She babbles as I sit her in my lap bouncing her up and down.

"Lily, Lily, Lily." I mock her little voice shaking my head making her giggle.

"Brooke hey!" I hear an all too familiar voice ring through the room making me cringe. Remember how I talked about hating school. Well a reason on that long list just walked through the door.

Janice Cumming was like the bitch of the school. She was the typical spoiled little brat whose daddy's bought her everything she wanted. Her sixteenth birthday she got some brand spanking new sports car that she totaled a week after having it. Now a normal parent would be pissed, hell mom got pissed with us wrecking Rach's car going 50 on a 30 mile curvy road, but no Janice goes 110 around a curb, flies over a railing and crashes it in ditch and a week after gets an even faster more expensive car. Her fakeness was disgusting and the fact she would be your best friend to your face and trying to sleep with your boyfriend behind your back I never got the popularity of this girl.

"Janice. " I somewhat reply to her greeting but just still playing more with Lily.

""Who is this?" She asks looking at Lily, "She isn't- I mean she isn't yours is she?"

"Yes Janice in the year we have been out of school I have carried a baby for 9 months than popped out a two year old." I say with a tilt in my head to look at her like she was completely stupid. Even if she doesn't know how old Lily is she can tell she is not just a couple months old, hell I saw Janice at graduation almost a year back and I definitely did not look pregnant.

"Well I mean I don't know you did miss a lot school." She flips her fake blonde hair over her shoulder, "Maybe it was because you had a kid. It kind of looks like you and I always thought you played that little innocence up a little too much."

"Well _it _has a name which is Lily and I am so glad the other side of you reared its ugly two faced head."

"Oh Brooklyn are you still pissed Shane and I hooked up? He wasn't going to date you so you really need to let him go."

"One if I remember correctly he turned down your skanky ass and two trust me if I wanted Shane I could have had him but I don't want him." I tell her knowing Shane wanted to give us a chance and also know they never hooked up, she tried but he said no, "But you know I was talking to him yesterday and he said he wanted to meet for lunch, I'll be sure to tell him you said hi."

"He doesn't want you Brooke." She says placing her hands on the table leaning across it, "He never did and he never will."

"Again I don't care." I tell her tossing a glance at Lucas as he starts to head over, "I only need one boy wanting me and trust me, he does." I smirk.

"And who on earth would actually want you?" She questions crossing her arms over her chest.

"Lukie!" Lily squeals as Lucas puts her ice cream in front of her.

"Lucas Scott!" Janice squeals much like Lily's but more annoying wrapping her arms around my boyfriend's neck and hugging him, "Oh my god how have you been?" Excuse me! How does she know him?

"Oh umm…hey Janice." Lucas kind stutters out, scratching the back of his neck and tossing a nervous glance at me before turning back to look at the smiling blonde, "I've been good. You?"

"I have been great!" She smiles even bigger and how the hell does she know my boyfriend! I mean yeah she being Miss Popular hung out with Nathan a lot when he was in school with us, his group mixed with hers but that doesn't explain how Lucas knows her. He was away at school when they hung out, he was in school far away from her so I mean how does she know him, "God I haven't seen you in what almost a year? I think it was when you came home for Christmas break."

"Yeah I guess it's been that long." Lucas says again tossing a glance at me and slowly it starts to click.

"Seriously?" I say and Janice finally pulls away from staring at my boyfriend to look at me, "You are kidding me right?"

"Kidding about what?" She asks tilting her head to the side to look at me.

"I'm not talking to you." I growl bouncing Lily on my leg as she eats her ice cream.

"Brooke…" Lucas starts but I just wave my hand at him to stop before putting on my best fake smile.

"So Janice how do you know Lucas?" I question with a cheery tone.

"Oh well…" She tosses a glance back and forth between us but her of course being her to stupid to realize anything, "He is Nathan's brother."

"No seriously? I had no clue." I mumble sarcastically shaking my head.

"Well I mean yeah and we hung out during one of those parties his dad throws over Christmas break. We had some fun in the heated pool didn't we Luke?" She smirks patting him on the stomach and Lucas closes his eyes clearly wishing she didn't say that.

"Of course you did." I shake my head with a laugh, "Well Janice…" I stand up pushing back my chair, "It was so great running into you again." I lie giving her a fake smile, "And you…" I turn to Lucas passing Lily back into his arms, "You can just go have more fun with her in some heated pool because you are not going to be getting that from me anytime soon. Jackass." I growl grabbing my purse and storming out.

"Brooke…" I hear Lucas call as I head towards the door but I just ignore him heading out. I don't know why I am mad, I know I have no right but it is just so annoying. He is my boyfriend, he is the boy I love and the fact I have to know the guy I care about so much was with someone before me I couldn't stand it pisses me off. It pisses me off so much because I know he was with Aislinn. I know he cheated on her and that makes me mad, "Pretty Girl stop." I hear him call behind me but I just speed up my steps.

"Go back inside Lucas." I tell him keeping my eyes glued to the ground.

"No I don't want to go inside I want you to stop damn it!" He yells but I just keep walking, "Brooke it's hard to chase you with Lily in my arms."

"Then don't chase me!" I yell over my shoulder.

"Book!" I hear the sweet innocent voice call making me stop dead in my tracks, "Come back." She whines and I let out a long breath shaking my head slowly turning on my heels to see my boyfriend standing a few feet behind me with baby on hip, "Eat ice cream with me."

"Ugh." I growl under my breath walking back over to them knowing I can't say no to Lily, it's not fair, "It's not fair you using her cuteness against me." I growl at my boyfriend snatching Lily from his arms heading back down the path to let her finish her ice cream.

"Brooke it isn't what you think." He says and I just scoff at him, "It's not ok, I mean I didn't have sex with her, we just sorta made out."

"Were you with Aislinn?" I snap spinning around to look at him, my movement so fast he almost ran right into me, "You know you don't have to answer that because I can see in your face you were!" I growl spinning back to go inside.

"God why are you trying to pick a fight with me?" He yells grabbing my hand that wasn't around Lily to spin me around, "I swear you just have like this little piece in you that just decides to fight when things are going good." He yells his tone making me flinch a little as tears once again fill my eyes, "God Brooke…" He frowns taking my face in his hands, "It's not fair you using your tears against me." He repeats my words I used a few minutes ago making me laugh a little, "God baby I hate fighting with you."

"I'm sorry. I told you I am just not me today and everything just seems to be upsetting me." I apologize, "I just can't stand that girl."

"I know its ok. But listen Janice was nothing. I swear at the time Aislinn and I were actually broken up and I was just drinking stupid and it happened. It meant nothing and it went no further than just making out even if she tried."

"I know and I know it's dumb I just hate that you have been with so many other girls before me. And I also hate that they just pop up in my face without warning. Can't you just like make me a list or something?" I joke a little making him laugh.

"No I can't just make you a list." He shakes his head laughing, "Just believe my past is my past and it has nothing to do with us, me and you because whatever girl or girls were in my past I have never loved like I do you. That alone beats out all those girls."

"I know it does but I mean really Luke? That girl is just such a stuck up bit-" I stop looking at Lily licking her ice cream in my arms, "She is just not a nice person." I say making him laugh again, "Couldn't you have I don't know made out with Anna, or hell even Peyton or Rachel over her?"

"Well one I won't ever make out with Anna that is weird and two Peyton and Rachel I didn't know so no at the time I couldn't have made out with just anyone. Plus wouldn't it weird you out more that I made out with one of your friends then just some stranger?"

"But she isn't a stranger Luke. I have known her for years and I'm not kidding how much I don't like this girl."

"And I am sorry but I can't change it. I didn't know you; I didn't know there was going to be you." He argues, "Brooke just…just don't use what I told you about Aislinn against me all the time. I told you that because I wanted to be honest with you, because I don't want us to have secrets. I didn't so you could question ever girl that is around me."

"I know that ok!" I throw my hand up in the air walking over and sitting down on the bench with Lily in my lap.

"Brooke…" He sighs walking over and sitting next to me, "What is going on with you?" He questions rubbing knee.

"I just…" I lace my fingers through his lifting my head to look at him, "I'm just stressed. I sometimes get into these weird moods were everything builds up and I just get stupid upset over nothing." I explain giving him a smile, "I'm sorry."

"I understand." He nods lifting my chin up to give me a kiss.

"Strawberry!" Lily squeals shoving her spoon in my face blocking Lucas's kiss and making us laugh.

"Yeah baby girl that is a strawberry." I laugh at the giggling brunette.

"I wuv strawberry." She sings out swaying her feet back and forth slipping the spoon in her mouth.

"You ever want kids?" I ask looking up at Lucas who is smiling down at his little sister.

"Yeah." He smiles rubbing the top of Lily's head, "I want kids someday."

"Yeah." I nod kissing the top of Lily's head, "Me too."

* * *

"She's perfect Luke." I say as we walk back into his apartment after just dropping off Lily, "She is so sweet and innocent and amazing and I swear I just want to keep her forever." I tell him falling down on his couch.

"Well it sounds to me you like her more then you like me." He pouts like a baby making me laugh as he grabs us a drink from the fridge and heads back over to the couch, "I have never gotten I want to keep you forever."

"Oh you big baby." I grab onto his collar bring him down on the couch with him, "I want to keep you forever." I whisper as he positions himself on top of me.

"Well that just seemed forced." He jokes and I roll my eyes.

"You're dumb." I place my hand on his chest pushing him off me as he falls off the couch.

"Oww…" He groans from the floor making me laugh, "That was not nice." He pouts from the floor as I stand up straddling his waist as I stand.

"Well I'm sorry." I frown standing above him my hands on my hips.

"You know if you lower yourself down just a bit I don't think I will be mad anymore." He smirks grabbing onto my ankles.

"Hmm….like this?" I lower myself just a bit so I'm on my knees.

"Just a little lower." He moves his hands to my hips.

"I don't know if I want to Broody Boy." I grin.

"I think I want you too Cheery Girl." He smirks arching his back a little, "Please?"

"Hmm…" I smirk leaning down rubbing my body against his, "Oh Broody…" I whisper rocking my hips against his as I kiss along his neck, "You're too easy." I smirk in his ear pushing off him as he groans.

"Ok that's it!" He jumps up chasing after me and I take off towards his room.

"Lucas!" I squeal as he wraps his arms around my waist knocking us on the bed with him.

"I got you." He grins pinning my wrist above my head as he starts leaning down to kiss me.

"No!" I yank my hands away flipping us over so I am now on top of him.

"I'm ok like this." He smirks up at me grabbing onto just below my elbows pulling me down for a kiss, "I want you." he mumbles in our kiss pushing my hair back, "Come on baby."

"Didn't you promise me the hot tub?" I mumble moving my hips feeling him nod in our kiss, "Promise to relieve my stress some."

"I got an idea to relieve your stress." He smirks in our kiss.

I let him kiss me a little longer, I let him smile in our kiss when I don't pull away but when he moves his hand to the my backside I push him back, "You my sir hands are getting a little too friendly." I tease climbing out of his lap.

"Ugh!" He growls yanking his pillow of his face giving me a very colorful choice of words that I laugh at, "You know I don't even want you. Not even a little." He lies and I chuckle at him trying.

"Oh really?" I kink my eyebrow at him as he crosses his arms tight over his chest with a nod, "Not even a little?" I tilt my head to the side with a smirk but he just shakes his head no as I walk around his room stopping at his dresser turning to look at him. "Is it like insanely hot in here?" I ask kinking my eyebrow at him holding onto the hem of my shirt.

"Don't; that won't be fair." He points at me and I tilt my head to the side as I slowly start to raise it, "Stop! You can't just-" And his words stop when I pull my shirt over my head with a smile dropping it on the ground, "You're mean."

"Broody have you seen my tattoo lately?" I smirk playing with my jean button.

"Ok I don't want to see it. I know what it looks like and if you take those things off then-" And again he loses his words when I slip out of my jeans standing just in my black and pink lace bra and matching panties, "Is that new?" He asks staring intensely at me.

"Mhmm…" I grin doing a little spin for him, "Do you like it?"

"Very much so." He nods slowly as I do a little shake.

"So you know what I have been thinking." I tell him as I move around his room his eyes on me the whole time as I move, "I think…" I smile pulling the straps of my shoulders letting them hang looking over my shoulder seeing my boyfriend swallow hard, "You should get a tattoo."

"A tattoo huh?" He asks and I laugh a little thinking he will pretty much agree to anything I say if I'm standing half naked in front of him.

"Yup." I nod moving across the room climbing up into his lap, "I'm thinking right here would be good." I whispering rolling up his sleeve and leaning down kissing along his shoulder.

"I could do that." He breaths out a little heavy as I start grinding my hips against his kissing along his neck, "Baby…"

"Hmm…" I mumble along his neck as I start to unbutton his shirt kissing down his chest as I do.

"If you are just doing this to tease me I will not be happy." He says making me laugh pulling up to look at him.

"But I thought you didn't want me?" I smirk kissing back up his chest.

"You know there is never a time when I don't want you." He breaths out running his hands over my back.

"I'm not teasing you." I smile leaning up kissing behind his ear.

"That's good." He gasps out dropping his head down to kiss along my shoulder biting a little as he does.

"I know." I grin pulling back unhooking the back of my bra before taking his face in my hands kissing him hard and deep. Lucas sits up on his bed some shrugging off his shirt before wrapping his arms around me pushing my hair out of our face.

"You're so damn sexy." He grins pulling away making me smile, "God damn how did I get so lucky?" He whispers making me smile even bigger as his eyes run all over my body.

"I don't know." I grin leaning in kiss him, "You did get pretty lucky huh?" I giggle a little.

"Extremely lucky." He admits leaning in kissing me hard and deep as his hands run down my body grabbing onto my hips.

"Luke…" I gasp as he runs his kiss long the corner of my mouth and down to my neck, "Mmm..." I moan as he slips his hand into the front of my panties teasing me, "Luke please." I beg as he barely touches me but nothing more, "Don't tease me it's not fair." I whimper as my body shakes wanting to feel him, needing to feel him.

"You've been teasing me the past two weeks." He smirks against my neck making me growl moving my head so he pulls off my neck and kissing him rough before biting down on his bottom lip yanking it back, "That's not going to get you to get your way." He tells me taking his hand from my panties and making me growl at him again.

"I don't like you very much Lucas Scott." I pout pointing at him and he just jumps before I have time to react clamping my finger in his mouth, "Give me back my finger." I pout even more like a little child wanting to get their way.

"Not unless you say you love me." He says keeping his teeth clamped down on my finger.

"No."

"Fine." He shrugs pulling my finger more in his mouth, "See if I touch you ever again."

"That's not fair to me." I whine but he just shrugs, "Fine! I love you." I growl pulling my finger back but he doesn't let go just raises his eyebrow at me, "I love you so much Broody, you are the most amazing Broody ever." I repeat with a cheery tone.

"Well I like that better." He lets go of my finger.

"You know Lucas Scott I shouldn't even love you, you're just so mean to me. I don't even think I like you." I joke figuring I have my finger back now I can say whatever.

"Shut up." Lucas mumbles making me grunt at him, "Stop talking and just let me finally make love to you again."

"Fine but don't think I am going to enjoy it."

"Yeah I'm really worried." He rolls his eyes leaning up to kiss me pulling my bra off the rest of the way. I cup his cheeks pulling him closer to me as we kiss.

"Mmm…" Comes out as we kiss and Lucas's touch feels like it burns through my skin. Like a match gets struck over and over as he moves his hands all over my body. I rock my hips back and forth against him feeling the tightness build up in his jeans as I move.

"Luke man what- Whoa!" We hear a voice and I collapse on top of Lucas covering myself.

"Damn it Nate." Lucas curses pulling the sheet over me.

"Sorry Brookie I didn't see anything I swear." I recognize the voice of Nathan and I curl my body more into Lucas's.

"It's fine Nate just leave please." I mumble against Lucas really not wanting my best friend's boyfriend seeing me naked.

"I am; I am god I'm sorry." He repeats.

"Nathan man get out!" Lucas yells wrapping his arm around me and throwing a hand at the door.

"Right sorry." He says again and the room goes quiet so I just assume he left.

"I'm sorry you ok? He didn't see anything." Lucas says as I sit up wrapping his sheet around me.

"Its fine really." I promise but loving him for worrying. I know he knows I am not super comfortable about my naked body, hell I just got comfortable being completely naked in front of my boyfriend but I know Nathan didn't see anything so it's really ok.

"Yeah well I somewhat want to take that key away from him. He just totally cock blocked me." He frowns making me laugh, "I mean does he know how hard I was trying."

"Oh I'm so sorry." I shake my head at his dramatics, "He just ruined your whole night huh?"

"Not necessarily." He smirks flipping me over on my back, "Nate is a big boy he can wait outside for awhile." He grins leaning down to kiss me.

"Don't think so Broody." I turn my head making his kiss land on the pillow behind me and him growl into the pillow, "It would be very strange to me him walking in on us then just sitting in the living room knowing what we are doing."

"I hate you; I mean I really don't even like you a little." Lucas says with all the seriousness he can making me laugh.

"Aww…love you too Boyfriend." I laugh leaning up kissing him gently, "But I'm going to go you have fun with your brother."

"I don't want to have fun with him; I want to have fun with you." He whines making me laugh even more as I wiggle from out underneath him and grab my clothes, "Don't put that on." He begs as I slide my jeans on, "Fine but just stay just like that." He says holding his hands up for me to stop and I laugh again pulling my shirt on, "You're so mean to me."

"Yeah, yeah I know." I shake my head looking in his mirror wiping my smudged make up run my hand through my hair, "I don't know why you even want to touch me I look like a mess." I slap my cheeks some giving them so color.

"I think you look beautiful." He grins looking at me and I smile as I turn to look at him.

"Ok how about this…" I walk across the room climbing up on his bed, "Since you are being such an amazing sweet boy I'll come by tonight. We will lock the doors, turn off all phones, and snuggle up in the bed just me and you. Does that sound like a plan?"

"A great plan." He smiles grabbing onto my hips pulling me into his lap.

"Who knows maybe I'll even bring some whip cream." I smirk leaning towards him.

"Oh I like that."

"I thought you might." I nod pushing his lips against mine loving when I feel him smile.

"Ok then I guess I will let you go." I give up letting go of my sides.

"Oh how generous of you." I laugh climbing up out of his lap, "Ow." I cringe a little clamping my hand around my lower stomach.

"Hey you ok?" Lucas moves up from his bed grabbing onto my arm.

"Yeah I'm fine. Just had a little cramp." I shake it off blink my eyes away the dizziness.

"You sure?" He asks clearly concern and I just nod standing back up straight, "Do you need me to drive you home? Nate can just follow."

"No I'm fine I promise." I give a smile and he gives me a questionable look, "I'm fine I promise. Just need to eat a little something. You got any chips or anything I could eat?"

"Yeah come on." He grabs onto my hand as we walk into the kitchen finding Nathan getting a sandwich.

"Hey Natey." I smile patting him on the back with a smile.

"Hey Brookie." He blushes a little making me laugh, "Sorry about that. I swear I saw nothing major."

"Nothing major huh?" I tease and Lucas rolls his eyes as he digs through his cabinets.

"I mean I didn't know you had a birth mark on your-"

"Nathan!" Lucas yells throwing a roll of paper towels at him, "Dude seriously shut up."

"Oh right sorry Luke." He apologizes again and I laugh.

"Its all good Nate I promise. No harm no foul." I promise taking a bag of chips from Lucas and grabbing a coke from the fridge, "Ok well I am out."

"You sure you're ok?" Lucas asks again wrapping his arms around my waist pulling me into him.

"I promise Broody. I'm going to be ok." I tell him leaning up giving him a small kiss.

"Promise to call me when you get home."

"I promise."

"Promise if you start to feel weird you will pull over and Nathan and I will come get you." He asks and I love him being so protective of me.

"I promise. Don't worry so much it was just a dizzy spell." I tell him and he tilts his head to the side looking at him clearly not happy with that answer.

"Brooke people just don't have random dizzy spells." He points out and yes that's true but I do so yeah.

"I'm leaving, I love you, I will call when I get home." I ignore his comment.

"Brooke." He gives me in his warning tone when he is not happy with what I am doing.

"Lucas just say you love me, give me a kiss, and stop worrying." I beg and Nathan just stares at his sandwich clearly uncomfortable.

"I love you." He somewhat mumbles giving me a kiss and I pull away with a smile as I start walking to the door.

"Uhh." I cringe again grabbing onto Nathan's shoulder feeling sick to my stomach.

"Brookie you ok?" Nathan asks grabbing my arm steadying me.

"Brooke…" Lucas freaks wrapping his arm around my waist, "What's wrong?"

"I just feel sick." I tell him closing my eyes stopping the spinning of the room.

"Ok I'm driving you."

"No its fine."

"No its not. I am driving you and Nate just follow behind so you can bring me home." He says and Nathan nods getting up grabbing Lucas's keys.

"Lucas I swear I am fine!" I snap a little annoyed grabbing to pull his hand from my hip.

"Brooke..." He frowns looking at me, "Stop."

"Luke I promise I am fine." I say looking up at him with a softer tone.

"Please stop." He almost begs, "Just let me take you home, so I know you're safe."

"OK." I give in knowing his face is one I can't argue with. The one he has now is his already made up face, he knows he isn't going to waver and me sitting here fighting with him is pointless, "Ok."

"Alright good." He wraps his arm around my waist as we walk out to my car.

* * *

"So you're feeling ok?" Lucas has asked for about the millionth time since I have gotten home. He has been worried since we left his apartment and the whole ride he was asking was I hurting, did I feel sick, how was my dizziness. He is almost driving me nuts with his worry.

"Lucas you're going to drive me nuts." I tell him honestly with a laugh as I sit on my bed.

"I know that Brooke it's just…" He trails off.

"It's what?" I ask but he shakes his head at me as he walks over to my dresser, "Luke what?"

"It's nothing." He says grabbing out some sweatpants that are more comfortable for me and tossing them next to me on the bed.

"It's something." I say slipping out of my jeans and pulling on my sweatpants.

"It's stupid Brooke so just don't worry about it." He repeats walking over kissing the top of my head, "Rest and I'll call you later."

"Lucas…" I grab onto his hand stopping him from moving and he just looks down at me, "Talk to me."

"It's just…" He sits next to me on the bed playing with my hand, "When I was little my mom got sick. Real sick and I was worried because she was all I had you know. It was always just me and her forever so she was the most important person to me for years; until you came along."

"I know but I'm not sick Luke." I smile but love him for worrying about me.

"Brooke people just don't get all dizzy and pale and pains in their stomach. That just isn't supposed to happen yet you seem to just get dizzy all the time. Hell the first night we hung out here you almost passed out in the garage."

"Lucas that was months ago. And on top of that I was drank a lot that night." I tell him but he just gives me a look that says that doesn't make him feel better, "I'm fine Lucas, I promise you I am so ok. I just got a little dizzy and I really slept in so late I didn't have time to eat breakfast and I really didn't eat much of my ice cream so I just need to eat. I mean you aren't in a great mood when you don't eat."

"You promise that is it? You promise you are not keeping something from me?" He asks.

"I promise. I am not keeping anything from you." I lean in giving him a small kiss.

"Ok." He finally nods kissing my forehead, "I'll call you later."

"Ok." I nod as he gets off my bed and heads out, "Oh Luke…" I call and he pauses turning to look at me, "Can you ask Kylee and my mom to come here please?"

"Sure." He winks at me heading out as I sit nervously on my bed nervously waiting for them.

"Brooke…" There is a knock at my door making my head shoot up seeing Kylee slowly crack it open, "Lucas said you needed us." She says walking in and my mom behind.

"Yeah shut the door and lock it please." I say and they share a weird look do as I ask.

"B what's going on?" Kylee asks crawling on my bed next to me and I start to tear up, "Brooke what happened? Is it Lucas? Are ya'll ok?"

"Yeah." I nod looking down at my bed, "We are fine. Well right now we are fine." I let out a dry laugh wiping my tears, "I thought if I just ignored it then it wouldn't be happening."

"What? What do you mean?" Mom asks confused brushing my hair off my shoulder as we sit there a second in silence.

"I'm dizzy…" I whisper with a sniffle "And I'm tired, I get these weird spur of the moment food cravings and when it happens I want food, like lots of food, yet then I get and feel sick. I keep getting sick."

"Brooke…" Mom whispers placing her hand on my leg.

"Is it like you're eating? Do you think you have a problem?" Kylee asks and that would make since. The getting sick, the starving and eating then throwing it up. All that would go with an eating disorder; that was if I wasn't having sex.

"I have a problem Ky but it's not that." I let out another dry laugh as I start to cry again.

"Brooke no…" My mom's eyes get wide as I look up at her and her hand moves from my leg.

"Mommy I'm sorry." I cry knowing she knows, "I didn't mean too. I didn't mean for it to happen." I tell her as she moves off my bed hand over her mouth.

"How were you not careful?" She yells spinning to look at me and making me cry more. I hate when she is mad, I mean I get it but I hate it.

"I thought we were." I sob and Kylee quickly wraps her arms around me and I cry in her lap.

"It's ok Brooke." Kylee soothes rocking me as I cry I guess quickly understanding what is happening, "I promise it will be ok."

"Oh my god." My mom tears up moving across the room and yanking me into her.

"I'm sorry." I cry clinging to her shirt, "I didn't mean too." I repeat knowing this is the last thing she wanted.

"I know baby I know. I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell, I'm sorry." She changes her tone kissing the top of her head, "It's going to be ok."

"Please don't hate me." I cry as Kylee runs her hand up and down my back.

"Oh baby I could never hate you." She kisses my head as I cry, "Are you sure? I mean did you…"

"Yeah…" I answer, "I took a test last night and it was positive. Mom what am I going to do I can't have a baby."

"We are going to figure this out ok?" She says pulling me off her chest and wiping my tears, "We are going to call the doctor and get checked because sometimes you can get a false positive. With your periods being as irregular as they are your hormones are messed up so it may just be a false positive."

"You think so?" I beg hoping she is right. Hoping she will make things right, she always makes things right.

"Yeah sweetie. I think we are not going to worry until we are positive." She says and I nod, "We are going to figure this out." She pulls me into a hug again then pulling Kylee too, "We will figure this out. I promise we will figure everything out."

* * *

**So I am late updating but here is the new chapter! I have had an idea for awhile on how I wanted this all to go and though this chapter really wasn't how I wanted to exactly I think it turned out ok. I want to thank my girl Lizzy for giving me advice on everything and I know what I am going to do even though I have mixed reviews on it all!**

**Lizzy what you got is next chapter so I hope you enjoy it again and everyone else I hope you enjoy this chapter and the once that are to follow and please don't get mad for me doing the baby thing right now. I know some are not sure but I hope you still read!**

**Review please :D**


	30. Chapter 30

**So I have still been nervous about all my mixed reviews because losing some of my readers would definitely suck. Yet this chapter is being put up and once I do there is no going back haha**

**This chapter is dedicated to my love Lizzy for all her input and hope you all enjoy the chapter and being as it has been updated in what three two days that should be a major plus! YAY! Haha**

**Enjoy!**

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"Everything is going to be ok." mom whispers to me as I lay in my room, on my bed, my head in her lap and crying, "I will be here for you always no matter what. It's all going to be ok." she tries to promise but I know she can't promise that, no one can promise that. She leans down kissing my head smoothing my hair out of my face as I just keep crying.

"I know I am young…" I choke out and see her nodding, not interrupting since this is the first time I have spoken since I have gotten home, since I have left the doctors, "It's just…" I cry placing my hand over my stomach, "It's not fair. Mom it's not fair." I cry into her lap feeling the water stains on her pants from my tears.

"I know…" she whispers pulling me into her arms hugging me tight, "I know baby girl. I know it's not." she says and I know she wants to cry too but holds it back, trying to be strong for me. "We will figure it out. We will figure it all out." She tells me for about the millionth time kissing my head again and rocking me like I am her small child all over again.

I lay there in her arms crying, crying so much that my whole body starts to feel drained. It's so tired, I am so tired and I feel myself start to doze in her arms. I feel myself still in the half asleep, half wake stage as mom pulls my sheets back and laying me in them and covering me up before kissing my temple and running her hand through my hair.

"Momma is going to figure this out. I promise." She tells me and I can hear her start to cry, "I'll make sure everything is ok." she tries to tell me but I know things aren't going to be ok; they are never going to be ok.

I hear the door ease shut and I hear movement outside my room and the kids outside asking my mom about it.

"_Is she ok?_" I hear Kylee ask.

"_No not really._" Mom tells them and I can almost see the worried and sad look on their face.

"_I mean what does this mean? I mean I don't get how this could happen. Brooke is so young, she is my baby sister she is only 18 it just doesn't seem fair._" I hear Tony sigh and I know he thinks in some weird way this is his fault only because he feels as big brother he is supposed to protect me. Make sure I am ok, make sure everything as his little sister is ok but I am not ok.

"_Has she talked to Lucas?_" Jay asks and I clutch my eyes tight as a tear falls down the bridge of my nose and landing on my pillow.

"_No she hasn't. She doesn't know what to say to him right now._" Mom tells them.

"_Well I mean I think he should know._" Jay says and laying on my bed I nod agreeing with him, Lucas should know; I just don't know what to say. How does someone tell their only 22 year old boyfriend this?

"_I know that but she just got some life altering news. She is only 18 and having to deal with everything and when she tells him she will. Until then don't any of you say anything to anyone; especially Lucas because right now she is scared and hurting and I will not have her worrying about someone saying it to him before she can get to._" My mom orders them all and I can almost see them all nod.

"_Mom is sissy going to be ok?_" I hear Aiden's little voice ask and I know my sisterly duty is needed. Even upset I know it's needed. So I slowly climb off the bed dragging my tired body to the door and opening it to see them all looking at me not sure what to say.

"Sissy is fine." I tell Aiden leaning down to kiss him and then hugging him, "Sissy is going to be just fine." I tell him looking at everyone else letting them know that I will be ok. I will figure all this out and have to learn to deal with my choices.

"Brooke we are here." Kylee tells me hugging me tight and I nod knowing she is, knowing they all are.

"I know you are."

"And we will figure it all out. We are family and we are here for each other no matter what." Jay says as he hugs me also.

"I'm sorry B." Tony says hugging me, hugging me tighter then he has ever hugged me, "God I'm so sorry." he apologizes kissing the top of my head.

"Not your fault T. I am 18 years old I know the choices I was making. I should have listened to you." I tell him and he just hugs me tighter.

"No." he tells me sternly, "You did nothing wrong and we will figure it all out just like we always do." and I nod in his chest but pull away before more tears fall.

"I'm tired I'm going to lay down some more. I will be out in a bit." I tell them all quickly walking into my room falling on my bed crying. I grab my picture of me and Lucas from my night stand running my thumb over him crying, "God Luke what did I do?" I cry rolling over in my bed pulling my sheet around me as I cry and slowly drift to sleep.

"_Mommy where are you!_" _I hear my little girl scream as I lay on the sofa._

"_In here baby girl." I call as I hear little fast footsteps run from her bedroom to the couch jumping on top of me, "Hi mommy." She grins licking her top lip and flipping back her hair as she sits on top of me._

"_Well hello baby girl." I smile as my 4 year old, "What are you doing up?" I question raising my eyebrow at her and she just giggles._

"_I was on the phone with Grandmama. She was telling me happy birthday and she was coming over tomorrow to see me." she tells me with another giggle making me smile, she is so cute._

"_Oh really so Raine Kylee what is it that you want for you're hmm…How old are you again 23?" I tease as she rolls her little blue eyes at me._

"_Mommy I'm 4." She tells me in a duh tone that makes me laugh since it's just like mine, Kylee's and my moms._

"_Oh I am so sorry." I apologize as she lays down on my chest and snuggling closer to me, "You sleepy baby?" I ask and she nods._

"_I sweepy mommy." She yawns and I just run my hand slowly up and down her back as she drifts to sleep._

"_Just go to sleep mommy's got you." I tell her kissing the top of her head, "Mommy always got you."_

I roll over in my bed tears once again streaming down my face as I think about what I just woke up from. A dream, a dream that seemed so real, seemed so present but it wasn't and that made me cry more. I look at my alarm clock its almost 3 in the morning and I didn't even realize how long I was asleep, I must have been really tired since I climbed into bed at like 7 o'clock last night.

I look at my phone on my night stand debating calling, I know it's late I know he is asleep but I need to talk to him. I need to tell him everything and for some reason I don't know why but I want to tell him now, even if it's almost 3.

I grab my phone hitting 3 on my speed dial and listen to it ring. I hear one ring, then two, then three and I just about decided to hang up when I hear him pick up, but when I hear him pick up I hear a small crash a mumbled shit and then the phone going dead.

I pull the phone away from my ear looking at it trying to figure out what just happened. I think about calling him back but decide against it closing my phone laying it next to me and hoping he calls back instead.

My phone lays next to me and I watch it, and every second that passes feels like an hour until I see it light up and his ring tone fill my room;

_My first love, my first kiss I shared both of them with you__  
__From the first time we locked eyes I knew you and I would be the truth__  
__But since then you've lied to me and I've lied to you__  
__But we made up and I'm thankful so grateful_

_But for a moment I thought I lost everything__  
__For a moment I forgot about our memories__  
__Then I woke up and I realized how much you mean to me__  
__For a moment I thought I lost you and me_

"Hello?" I answer as I lay there eyes close and tear stains on my face.

"_Hey did you just call me?" _I hear him ask and then I feel a little guilty because I can hear how tired his voice is, how he was probably in a pretty great sleep and I woke him up from it.

"Yeah I'm sorry I shouldn't have called you were probably asleep and I woke you up. I'm sorry." I apologize.

"_What? No._" he tells me quickly, "_I just dropped my phone when you called and it hung up I'm sorry._"

"You dropped it because you were asleep and I woke you up." I tell him.

"_No I wasn't. I was just laying here thinking; promise you didn't wake me up._" He lies and I know it's a lie because one I know him so well and two I hear him yawn and I can almost picture him moving around trying to wake himself up, "_What's going on?_" he asks.

"Nothing…I just…I just wanted to hear your voice." I shrug rolling on my left side suddenly feeling extremely uncomfortable in my own bed.

"_Well I love hearing your voice so why don't you use that voice I love so much and tell me what's wrong._" He says and I nod knowing he can't see me but still just nod as my tears start to form again, "_Brooke?_" I hear him call after a few moments of silence.

"Hmm?" I answer and curse my voice for cracking.

"_Baby tell me what's going on._" He asks and I lay there a few more minutes trying to gain back my composer and my voice.

"Remember…" I say but my voice cracks so I pause swallowing hard before starting again, "Remember when you found that test in my bathroom. How…how I told you it was Rachel's, she took it over here because she didn't want her parents to know?" I ask.

"_Yeah...yeah I remember._" He tells me and I again fall silent as I start to cry again, "_Brooke what about Rachel's test?_" he asks but I know he knows it wasn't Rachel's, I can tell by his voice he knows and I can tell he is wanting me to tell him it is hers but I can't because it's not.

"It…it wasn't her test Lucas. It was mine." I choke out covering my mouth with my hand as I feel a sob building up and about to come out.

"_Your…it was your test?_" he asks and even though I know he can't see me I nod yes again as we both stay quiet, "_Was it…I mean is it...are you…_"

"Yeah…" I whisper through the dark room, "Yeah it was positive."

"_Positive._" I hear him whisper and I can see him laying there with his hand over his face thinking. I can see him in a freak out mode but not freaking out because he is talking to me. I can see it all and I just cry more, "_It's ok. Everything will be ok I promise. We…we will figure it all out. Everything we will figure out and it will all be fine._" He tells me and I know he is trying to convince himself that more than me.

"Lucas…" I cry wanting to get my voice so I can talk to him.

"_God Pretty Girl don't cry everything is going to be ok. We are going to figure this out._" He says again but I shake my head no.

"Luke I can't have a baby." I cry more and feel my heart break completely placing my hand on my stomach.

"_Brooke don't say that. I know right now it's scary but don't say that._"

"No… I'm not saying that it's true I can't have one. I went to the doctor today and I…"

"_Brooke please tell me you didn't. Please tell me you didn't do anything without talking to me first. Without telling me!_" he asks and I hear the anger in his voice but I again shake my head no.

"I… I didn't do anything Lucas. I didn't have a choice." I tell him as I pull my knees up to my body and cry.

"_Brooke you have a choice. You don't just do that without telling me!_" he snaps making me cry more, "_I'm sorry I... I shouldn't have snapped. I just… I mean it was my baby too Brooke._" He sighs.

"I know Luke. I know it was your baby. I didn't choose for it to happen Lucas. I didn't choose to not have the baby."

"_What? What do you mean Brooke? I don't get it are you pregnant or not?_"

"I was pregnant Lucas but I'm not anymore." I tell him.

"_Then you had a choice Brooke!_" He somewhat growls at me and I really don't like that tone since it is one he has never used on me before.

"I lost my baby Lucas." I whisper as tears start to fall fast out of my eyes, "I didn't choose to I just lost it. I lost our baby." I cry.

"_What?_" he whispers and I can hear him sitting up in his bed and almost see him running his hand through his hair not sure what to say.

"They…they told me my body couldn't handle it. Then…then they…" I stop as more tears come and I feel my breath becoming weak and the thought of it all is making me want to just die right here.

"_Baby breathe, please breath for me._" he asks and I try to breath but I can't. It's scaring me, I have never not been able to breath before. I try to let in a long breath but it just gets short like my windpipe is closing up before the full breath can get in, "_God Brooke breath!_" he freaks.

"I can't have babies Luke." I gasp out and a sob takes over me as my breath still doesn't seem to make its way through my body, "They…told me…that my eating messed up…it messed up my cycle and I just…" I trail off trying to remember what the doctor said but still trying to catch my breath.

"_Ok baby I can be there in 30 minutes but I need you to try and breath for me._" he tells me and I can hear him moving around his apartment trying to get some clothes on but I again shake my head no.

"No…no it's…" I says finally pulling in a deep breath, "It's late stay home." I sob out but hear him tell me no.

"_Brooke I will be there in 30 minutes. Unlock your window and I am coming._" He tells me and though I know I should object to him coming over; I one know it's no use arguing with him but at the same time I really want him with me.

"Ok...I…I love you." I gasp out.

"_I love you too Pretty Girl. I will be there soon._" He tells me and I tell him a quick bye before climbing out of my bed unlocking my window then crawling back into my bed. I cling to my pillow crying trying to take in all I have had happen today.

_Flashback_

"_Don't be nervous." mom tells me taking my hand and I know I shouldn't be nervous but I can't help it, I maybe pregnant. I mean the test said positive but I could have a false positive right?_

"_Mom I can't be pregnant." I tell her and feel my body shaking, "I am only 18. And what about Lucas what am I going to tell him. What if he leaves me alone!" I freak as tears start to fall._

"_Brooke look at me." she orders taking my face placing it in both her hands to look me right in the eyes, "Everything will be ok. If you are then I am here no matter what and I know for a fact Lucas is not going anywhere and I know you know that too. You are just scared but he loves you, that boy loves you so much I know he isn't going to leave you." she tells me and I nod. _

_She is right I know Lucas would never leave me alone with a baby even if he is scared. I hug my mom tight as I cry a little more but also trying to control myself in the middle of a waiting room. I can't believe this is happening to me. I mean Lucas and I have always been safe, we always used protection. I mean we always did until that one time, that one time in the shower but I guess I didn't think about it, I was too caught in the moment to think about it._

"_I'm so stupid." I cry into my mom's arms but she just shakes her head no kissing the top of my head._

"_No baby girl you aren't. You are 18 and you are in love. You are completely in love and being in love you wanted to be with him. You wanted to be with him and there is nothing wrong with that. Even if the thought of you having sex scares me, it was only because I didn't want you to get hurt. Give yourself to someone who didn't deserve it but Lucas deserved it and I know how scared you are right now but until we are positive we are going to not freak out." She tells me and I just look at her wondering how in the hell I got such an amazing mom. Most parents would be yelling right now, freaking out on their daughter for maybe being pregnant but not my mom._

_She is trying hard to be strong but I know she is scared. I know she is petrified because her 18 year old daughter maybe pregnant and that is probably one of the last things a parent wants for their child, their teenage child._

"_Brooke Davis." The nurse calls and I look up at her smiling at me telling me too follow her and I look over at my mom._

"_Mommy please come with me." I beg like I child. Begging for her to come with me like if she is there nothing bad will happen, if my mommy is there she will protect me from everything, "Please."_

"_Of course baby girl." She smiles standing up taking my shaking hand as we walk to the back room. _

_Flashback Over_

I lay here and feel my body shaking. I have calmed down my breathing and my tears are slowly starting to stop. I feel like honestly I can't cry anymore because I have really cried all the tears I could cry, I am like all dried up with them. There are no more in me.

My eyes feel like they are almost swollen shut and right under my eyes are burning and I know it's because my tears made them irritated, like almost chapped. My nose is runny and I sniff some and that too burns and honestly my whole face pretty much hurts.

I hear the window slide open behind me and a small gust of wind comes in but I don't move. I just lay in my bed with my sheets tight around me and breathing finally steady. I hear the window close and him move over to my bed. He stands by my bed for a second and I know it's because he is kicking off his shoes and pulling his shirt off before lifting the sheets and climbing next to me.

He cuddles up beside me and his arms are instantly around my shaking body. I flip over so I am lying on top of him laying my head on his chest as he wraps his arms around my body tight. "I got you Pretty Girl." He whispers through the dark room, "I got you." I just nod as he holds me tighter, "Can you…can you tell me what happened?" he whispers and I nod as I start to tell him.

_Flashback_

"_Miss Davis your results are back." the doctor tells us walking in the room and I grab my mom's hand as we watch her look over my charts, "Ok I don't really know how to explain this all in terms that are understandable, you know not all doctor terms." She explains and we just nod, "Ok Brooke your body is very small framed and that makes me wonder if you have ever had an eating disorder?" she questions and I tense up._

"_No…I mean I…" I trail off not sure how to explain it, "There is a small chance that I had a little of one. My eating hasn't been that great but I have gotten better. I mean I have gotten a lot better haven't I mom?" I ask looking at her and she just nods giving me a smile and running her hand through my hair._

"_Well at any point while your eating was off did you ever miss a period?" she questions and I just nod, "Was it a long time or just ever so often?"_

"_I…I went 6 almost 7 months without one." I whisper and see my mom's head jerk to look at me._

"_Where you sexually active during this time?" she asks._

"_I have only for about the last six months. That's why I took a test because I knew I normally didn't have one but then I got scared." I tell her and she nods looking over my chart more._

"_Ok Brooke eating is very important. I mean without food it can mess up your energy, you organs, your period." She tells me and I nod knowing all this already, "Brooke you're eating got to a point of being so bad that it completely threw your menstrual cycle off."_

"_I know that but I have gotten better I have eaten better." I try to tell her and she nods._

"_I know Brooke I can see that but some damage was done to it all. Your body needs a period to kind of clean your body of everything without one your eggs still drop but they don't really leave your body." She says and I grow a little nervous._

"_So I have like random bad eggs just in me?"_

"_Well kind of. Normally after a few days the eggs aren't really fertile anymore but you had one egg that was still fertile in you."_

"_Does that mean…" my mom starts to trail off and I just squeeze her hand tighter not wanting to hear the rest._

"_Brooke you were pregnant." She says and I just sit there trying to process her words, maybe it was a miss speak that she said I am, didn't mean to say you were._

"_I…I was? I mean…" I pause running my hand slowly over my stomach, "I'm not anymore?" I whisper and my mom kisses the top of my head and rubs my back, "Mom I lost my baby." I say trying not to cry but even though I know I am 18 and don't want to be pregnant I don't want to have been pregnant and lost my baby._

"_It's ok baby girl it's ok." she whispers holding me tight._

"_Brooke…" the doctor says and I turn to look at her seeing the look on her face, a look I don't really like her face, it's the there is more face. "Brooke even though the egg was fertile it wasn't really a new egg. It was still older and on top of that your body rejected the pregnancy. You might have noticed cramping a little maybe some spotting but not enough for it to be a period." She says and I nod. "But also since your periods are so irregular and everything your cycle has started to almost stop."_

"_What does that mean?" my mom asks._

"_It means even though it's not impossible when you are older and wanting to have children you may have a lot harder time doing it." She tells me and my heart shatters completely._

"_So you are telling me I can't ever have a baby?" I ask and my whole voice cracks and my body is trembling and I am feeling physically sick._

"_It's not impossible Brooke." She repeats. "It will just be harder and if you do get pregnant it will not be easy. You will probably be on bed rest through it and there are chances that you could go into premature labor."_

"_Oh my god I may never have a baby." I whisper ignoring the last part of what she said because all I keep hearing is how hard it will be for me to have my baby, if I ever have a baby._

"_Brooke again know it's not impossible."_

"_No but it's not going to be easy either. Because of my stupid thoughts of my weight I may not be able to have a baby!" I cry hating myself completely and my mom quickly takes me in her arms, "Mommy I can't have a baby."_

_Flashback Over_

"Luke all I have ever wanted was a baby." I cry into his chest and clinging on to him almost afraid to let go.

"Brooke she said it wasn't impossible." He whispers running his hand up and down my back trying to sooth me and normally that works but not now. Not with all this on my mind.

"No Lucas she has to say that. She has to tell me it's not impossible." I sniffle into his arms and I feel a new set of tears take over. Ever since I was little I have always wanted a baby, not just one but many babies. I have a big family, I love my big family and because of that I wanted many, I wanted a big family of my own but now I won't ever have that. I won't ever have my big family, I won't have the million presents downstairs on Christmas for all my kids upstairs, or the wanting to pull my hair out because of all the loud noise of my kids fighting in the other room and that's all I want, that's all I have ever wanted.

"Brooke…" he starts to say but I don't let him finish just push my lips hard against his. I wiggle up his body having my hand on the back of his head and a little on his neck pulling him as close to me as I can. "Brooke…" he says again when I pull away from the kiss but I only pull away long enough for a quick breathe before kissing him again. "Baby come on stop." He mumbles in our kiss but I shake my head no as I start to grind my body against his. I can taste my tears and I know he can taste them and I know he is trying so hard to not give into me right now but I need him.

I pull away from him just long enough to pull my shirt over my head but kissing him before he says anything else. We kiss a little longer and I try to deepen it but he won't let me. Honestly he isn't really kissing me back and I want him to kiss me back, I need him to kiss me back. "Lucas please." I beg and after a few moments he finally gives in to our kiss.

Then when I think after sometime of kissing him where he won't object anymore I pull back from the kiss sitting up in his lap and moving to undo his jeans. My hands are shaking; they are trembling so bad I can't get the button done or the zipper, I can't freaking do anything.

"Brooke…" Lucas whispers reaching for my hand but I just slap it away.

"I got it." I tell him as I focus on his pants and trying not to cry and trying not to shake so much.

"Pretty Girl stop." He again says reaching for my hand but I jerk away.

"Lucas I can do it." I say but this time my voice cracks and tears start to stream down my face again. I take my shaking hands from his jeans placing them on my faces and feel my whole body tremble. "I can't do it." I cry out and Lucas sits up quickly on my bed with me still in his lap and taking me in his arms, "I feel so empty Luke." I cry wrapping my arms tight around his neck and burring my face in his shoulder and neck.

"I know baby I know you do." he whispers kissing the side of my head, "I'm sorry, god I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry I killed our baby." I choke out and Lucas pulls me to look at him.

"No, no, no Pretty Girl you didn't do anything." He tries to tell me brushing my hair out of my face and then holding it in both his hands, "Brooke that wasn't your fault."

"It is Lucas it was all my fault. I didn't eat right, I don't eat right and if I did then I wouldn't be like this. I wouldn't have lost my baby."

"Brooke we are going to get you better. We are going to get you healthy again and everything will be ok I promise." He says hugging me tight, "We are going to make you better." He whispers kissing my shoulder gently and running his fingertips up my back gently, "How did I not know something was wrong with you?" he whispers but I know it's more to himself then me, "I see you more than anyone, see your body and I…I should have noticed it." He says pulling back and I see his eye going all over my body almost studying it, looking at it like it was his first time ever seeing it.

"Luke I have gotten better." I tell him lifting his face in my hands to look him in the eyes, "Being with you has made me better. I was just going through something, not so much depression but something and then I met you and I don't know I just changed, I changed for you."

"I love you Brooke. I love everything about you and the fact I love you so much I should know what is going on with you. Even if you are better, or have been getting better I still should have noticed. I just should have noticed you being smaller or the fact we have been together for months and I never noticed you stopping us for a week or so on having sex. I should have noticed it all and said something but I never did. I mean maybe if I noticed and said something…"

"Lucas this is all because of me. I have been on my period since I was 14 and even if I was never regular I should have known going 6 almost 7 months without one was not healthy. I had my brothers and mom and everyone on my case about eating and I never once tried to fix it, not once."

"I know it's just Brooke how could you not eat? You had to have known how unhealthy that is. God if it got worse something could have happened to you!" he says not really angry but just worried and I know he is right. I mean I don't eat I could seriously hurt myself, my body, gone to the hospital or something so much worse.

"I know, I know it's stupid I just…" I wait searching for the right words, "Lucas I have never felt good about myself. I felt like so much was going on and I couldn't control really any of it but the one thing I could control was my weight and I enjoyed sometimes the comments people gave me like how small I was or how good my body was and I liked that. Yet then people started making more comments how my body wasn't as good shape as it once was and I would think ok it's because I have gotten bigger so I tried to lose weight, or just cut back on my eating. Then I guess I wasn't hungry anymore so if I wasn't hungry I didn't eat." I tell him and I know how bad that sounds but that was seriously how I felt with it all.

"Brooke you should have talked to me, talked to someone. Trust me I have seen every bit of your body and there is nothing wrong with it."

"I know that but I didn't have you around months ago telling me that."

"Yeah well I have been around for the past seven months as your boyfriend and we have been having sex for almost six of those months so you had to know. You shouldn't have not been eating." He frowns at me and I can tell he is thinking. He is thinking hard and I know he is thinking of all the times we have been out what I have eaten. When we are out with friends or anywhere what have I eaten, how much have I eaten, "Why didn't you tell me any of this? Or your brothers or anyone?"

"Because I never thought I had a problem until the doctor told me. On top of that I just didn't want you worrying about me." I sigh looking down away from him but still sitting in his lap.

"Brooke I'm in love with you so of course I will worry. God do you have any idea at all what you mean to me? Do you have any clue what would happen if I lost you?" he asks and his tone isn't really annoyed just maybe a little frustrated.

"I know Luke I know…I'm just sorry about it all. I am sorry for worrying you and for not eating right and I'm sorry for the baby." I say whispering the last part.

"Please Pretty Girl don't blame yourself." He somewhat begs.

"I can't help it." I cry hugging him again, "Luke I want babies."

"I know baby I know you do." he whispers kissing my cheek and I pull back to look at him, "I know how bad you want a baby one day and in a few years when you are ready we will figure it out. There is always a way and we will figure it out. I promise you will get your baby one day." He tells me and I want to for the first time today smile and only because he said _we_ he said that _we will figure it out_. That in a few years he still wants to be here, be with me.

"I want babies someday Lucas." I whisper running my thumb slowly over the corner of his mouth as I stare at them, "And I want them someday with you." I tell him then slowly look up into his eyes and watch to see his reaction, to see if he freaks but he shouldn't I mean he did say _we_. Yet he stays quiet for a few seconds before nodding then whispering,

"We will have a baby someday Pretty Girl. I promise."

* * *

**So I would like to say that a reason I was so hesitant on this chapter was because of the show. I know in the show they had the whole Brooke baby thing and that slightly annoyed me because I started this story forever back ago and actually had THIS chapter written when I actually wrote my third chapter which was so before the airing on the show! So worried about being thought as following I was like ugh maybe I shouldn't but then Lizzy helped me decide to go with it. I had the whole eating thing leading up to this chapter which was kind of my main reason to adding the eating twist so again I hope you all understand! I hope you all don't hate me! And I really hope you all review letting me know your thoughts on everything!**

**Review :D**


	31. Chapter 31

_CRASH!_

The loud thunder and lightning light up my room making my eyes fly open. I hate thunderstorms, I can't stand them and the noise makes me freak. I toss on my side to seeing its 5:11 and hear the heavy rain fall from the sky banging on my roof.

_BOOM!_

Rings out making me fly sitting up in my bed. I run my eyes all through my dark room as I shake before them landing on the sleeping figure next to me. He looks so at peace asleep next to me, a peace I wish I could be at right now but I'm not. I'm not even close.

Sliding carefully out of my bed not to wake him I reach under the bed to find my journal before walking into the bathroom and shutting the door. I hit the light switch sliding down the door until I feel the cold tile against my skin and open it up to my last entry and read it.

_I'm pregnant._

_Inside of me is a small child and the mixed emotions that are growing inside are too much to handle. Today at the park with Lucas and Lily felt like it is right. Even though Lily isn't ours the family atmosphere felt right. That Lucas and I are ready for this in some since that we would love our child, take care of him or her and life would be perfect yet then there is the other part of me that knows we aren't ready for a baby._

_I love him; I love him more than anything but that doesn't mean we are ready. Doesn't mean that when I go to tell him I am pregnant that he will be ok with it even if he said he wanted kids someday. I doubt he is thinking that someday would be today._

_Kylee and mom handled it better than I thought; well Kylee did and I know it's because she has my back no matter what. Even if we are fighting and arguing and both thinking different things when it's serious, when she sees the fear in my eyes that she saw earlier she becomes honestly the most amazing sister I could ever ask for. Sometimes I think she deserves better than me, that she deserves a sister to look up too, does everything right and never fails and that's not me._

_When we were little we both made this rule that we would name our little girls after each other. Not first names of course but middle names have already been decided and so when she has a little girl her daughter as of now since she has had it played since she was 5 to be Janelle Brooke whatever her husband's last name is and mine was always Raine Kylee with whatever my husband's last name is._

_I never thought it wouldn't be my husband's last name._

_I won't regret Lucas being the father of my child, I never in my life will regret Lucas but I'm barely 19; hell I'm not 19 for another three weeks yet I am having a baby. Mom says it maybe a false positive but I don't know. All the signs say yes and I'm scared. I am petrified that I might be because what if I am not a good mother? What if my child never gets the life he or she deserves because I can't support them like they should?_

_Lucas won't leave me. I mean he may not want to be with me forever but I know he won't just leave me alone with a baby but that doesn't change the fact there is a baby._

_I don't get it. I don't get a single thing about it since my friends sleep with everyone. For years I would turn around and they would have a new guy, someone else they were having sex with and I sleep with one guy and get pregnant? I sleep with the boy I love, we are careful and I get pregnant._

_I know when it happened. I am more than positive that day in the shower it happened and because I know we didn't use anything. I don't know what we were thinking, I mean I know what we were thinking but how could we be so careless? How could I have not thought I wasn't on the pill? Yet again periods were always the last thing that ever went through my mind because the fact I just never seemed to have them and because sex for months, hell years was the last thing that ever crossed my mind because I had no one there. I have no one around to where I would need birth control. _

_I'm so stupid. _

_Yet mom is right. I don't need to think about it until I know for sure. Until we go to the doctor tomorrow however it still makes me wonder. Is it a boy or girl? Will he or she have my eyes or Lucas's? My smile? My dimples? Lucas's dark skin tone compared to my creamy color. When they get older will they have that smile Lucas has when he finds something funny where his eyes light up with a little squint and his whole smile that covers his face. I hope he or she will have that. _

_I love that._

"Stupid!" I mumble tears once again streaming down my face as I rip the page out, "Stupid, stupid, stupid." I repeat tearing it up over and over again, "God I'm so stupid." I cry bringing my knees to my chest burying my head and crying.

"Brooke…" I hear the soft tap against the wooden door, "Pretty Girl open the door." He whispers shaking the handle finding it locked.

"I umm…" I swallow the sob in my throat wiping the tears away from my eyes, "I'll be right out." I crack cursing myself.

"Brooke…" he sighs, "Please." He pleads yet I just stay quiet resting my head against the door. I know he is standing outside of it. I know he wants me to open the door but I just can't right now, "Please…please don't shut me out." He says and I slam my eyes shut as the tears form once again. I want to tell him I'm not but I just need a second. All I need is a second by myself and I guess he understands that, well I hope he does because I hear him let out a long sigh before stepping away from the door.

The thunder gets louder as I sit here. It makes me jump every time and when a big crack of lightning and boom of thunder hit the lights flicker off and I sit alone in the dark on the cold tile floor shaking. Standing up quickly I open the door seeing through the dark room my boyfriend sitting on my bed flipping my old worn teddy bear Tony got me in his hands.

"Tony got me that." I whisper and his head looks up at me as I slowly move through the dark room climbing next to him on my bed, "It's actually really the only family vacation I remember taking with Richard. It was late at night and we were in this hotel that we couldn't afford to be in…" I let out a dry laugh rubbing the bear's ear, "Yet I remember it storming like it is tonight and us all sitting in like the hotel game room or rest area I don't really remember what it was. Yet every time it would thunder I would jump about ten feet off the ground completely freaked out. Well Richard spent forever on one of those little claw machines. You know the ones where you put in like fifty cents and it drops picking up the toy just to drop it." I say and he nods as we stay quiet for awhile, "Well Richard couldn't figure the thing out at all and I was 8 and Tony was 12 and he goes B what one do you want? I told him I wanted the bear but I knew it was probably not going to happen. Yet then I see big brother put his dollar in the coin machine, get his change and head over pushing Richard out of the way and dropping in his coin. However even at 12 Tony analyzed everything like he does now. He would look from the side view, then the front view, then look through the back tapping the little stick ever so often as he did. Then he goes Brookie come here and I walked over and he said hit the red button; don't touch anything or knock the stick just hit the button and I did and it grabbed my bear." I smile at the memory, "He gave it to me and said Brooke when you're scared just hold him close and he will protect you. Transfer all your fear into him and it will be ok." My voice cracks as a tear drops, "It was just a stupid teddy bear not magic or anything but I still believed it. I believed it because big brother promised and if big brother promised it would be ok then I knew it would be ok."

"It will be ok Brooke." Lucas whispers brushing my tears away, "I know I'm not Tony and I know me saying everything will be ok may not mean as much as him saying it since I know he protects you. I know over the years he has been the person you go to for everything, confessed your feelings and thoughts and fears but believe me when I say it will be ok."

"I know." I nod wiping my nose, "Yet knowing it will get better doesn't make it hurt any less."

"I know Pretty Girl." He says wrapping his arms around me as I rest my head on his chest as we fall silent.

"I'm sorry about everything." I apologize snuggling close to him as he kisses the top of my head, "Have…have you…" I trail off tracing circles on his chest.

"Have I what?" He asks running his finger tips slowly up and down my back.

"Have you ever had a scare before?" I whisper not knowing why I am asking just for some reason wanting to know.

"Brooke…" He sighs shaking his head not wanting to talk about it I know, not wanting me to get upset again.

"I just want to know Luke. I don't know why but I want to know if it has happened before. If you have felt this feeling before." I wonder because I know what I am feeling but I have no clue what he is.

"Not exactly this feeling." He confesses and I tilt my head up to look at him staring into space as his hand slowly again starts to run up and down my back.

"What you mean?"

"Nothing." He shakes his head rolling away from me in my bed, "Let's go back to sleep. You need more sleep." He pulls the sheet over us wrapping his arms around my waist pulling me close to him as he closes his eyes.

"Ok." I whisper deciding to ignore it right now and just staring at him as my head lays next to his staring right at him before closing my eyes.

I feel him looking at me. Even with my eyes closed I feel him staring right at me but I just keep my eyes closed. I feel his lips brush against my forehead and his hands trembling on my side as he pulls me even closer to him.

"Luke…" I whisper placing my hand on his cheek as I open my eyes too look at him.

"I'm sorry." He whispers back his eyes giving me a look they have never before, like a look of fear, worry and lost, "I love you so much." He tells me, "And I just can't lose you."

"You won't." I promise giving him a small kiss before leaning my forehead against his.

"Please, please don't close yourself off to me again. Please don't." He begs and though I can't promise I might for a few days close up I just give him a sad small shrug before curling my body into his tucking my head in the croak of his neck whispering; "I love you."

* * *

Rolling over in my bed my head lands on a leg, yet the leg has jeans on it and the leg is way too small to be my boyfriend's and I nervously open them hoping to the god above Felix is not once again in the bed with me.

"Did you hear that Tiger's wife is finally leaving him?" I lift my eyes up to find Haley back against the head board flipping through a magazine.

"I know it's about time being as he is a cheating scum." I flip over find Rachel on the other side flipping through another magazine, "Oh you know I want to go see Letter To Juliet. It's one of those lovey dovey crap that I feel I must drag Tony too. You know how much he hates that crap."

"Why are you in my bed?" I mumble trying to wake my eyes up, "And why are neither of you my boyfriend?"

"Oh right boyfriend. Well boyfriend is in the living room or kitchen or I don't know somewhere in this house hanging with your brothers." Rachel explains and ok but why are they in my bed?

"And we are in your bed because we haven't hung out with our best friend in awhile." Haley explains and I nod resting my head on her thigh as she runs her fingers slowly through my hair, "And we worry and because Tony called Rach and me saying our best friend just might need us."

"Tony has always been the one to just spill my information to random people." I mumble against her leg pulling my sheet higher on my body.

"Well guess it's a good thing me and Hales aren't people." Rachel shrugs.

"Yeah." I nod cursing when my eyes start to water again, "God why can't I stop crying?" I curse burying my face in Haley's leg like that will somehow fix it.

"Because you're hurting." Rachel says slowly running her hand up and down my back, "And that's ok." She says and I just nod, "You want to scream?" She random asks, "Because if you want to scream you can. You can scream, yell, throw things, hell I'll call Tony or Jay in here and you can punch them in the face." She says making me let out a laugh.

"I would vote Tony. I love him but hitting him I think would be so much fun. Jay would just take it and go but Tony ya'll would have a fun drag out fight."

"No! I know I said we could get one but does it have to be Tony?" Rachel pouts making me laugh again, "He is so cute and I like his face."

"I doubt his face is the only thing you like about him." I teases climbing out of my bed and walking into the bathroom looking in the mirror, "God. No wonder Lucas left me in bed this morning I look terrible." I say seeing my puffy eyes and red blotchy face. My hair is a stringy mess and being as I went to bed in my make up my eye liner is all over my face, I would have left me too.

"Oh shut up." Rachel mumbles as her and Haley climb off my bed walking in my bathroom with me, "You know that boy thinks you are gorgeous no matter what you look like." She says as she turns on the water and Haley grabs a rag from out under my counter.

"Here sit down." Haley pats the counter that I jump up on my feet banging into the wooden door as I do, "He actually just thought you would want to see us this morning." She says wetting the rag as Rachel pulls out some clothes in my room and walks back in handing Haley the soap.

"He is just worried." Rachel tells me and I nod as Rachel runs her hands through my hair pulling it in a loose pony tail as Haley runs the warm rag over my face wiping off my messed up making up.

"I'm fine." I lie forcing a smile that I know they see through. They are my best friends so of course they can see through it.

"Brooke…" Haley sighs pushing my bangs behind my ear.

"Honey it's us." Rachel says, "I know lately we have lost each other a little. We have all been so caught up in our lives we have drifted but sweetie you know at the end of the day we are always going to be there for each other."

"HRB right?" Haley smiles pointing at the tattoo on Rachel's wrist, "We got all those for a reason. We got them because we love each other and because we are best friends."

"I told Lucas he should get a tattoo." I say knowing that was not what they meant by talk but figuring they would go with it, "He was a little nervous I could tell but I was half naked in front of him so he agreed. Well sorta." I let out a laugh getting them to laugh with me.

"A half naked you can probably get Lucas to agree with pretty much anything." Haley laughs saying the same thing I was thinking.

"Yeah I think you're right." I nod picking at my shirt, "God I do not want to wear this." I yank my shirt over my head not wanting to wear the shirt anymore. It was the shirt I wore yesterday to the doctors. It has a little blood on the arm where they took blood and I took the band aid off and god it is so damn tight.

"Well that's ok I got you a shirt." Rachel says picking up the black shirt but I shake my head at that.

"I don't want that shirt." I tell her shaking my head, "I don't want that one." I repeat as my eyes tear up, "I wore that shirt the first time Lucas and I…" I trail off shaking my head, "I really don't want to think about that right now."

"Well that's ok." Haley jumps in walking over and digging through my dresser that's next to the bathroom door, "It's probably too hot for it anyways so how about this one." She grabs a t-shirt that makes me laugh a little, "I remember someone so kick ass getting you this for you."

"I remember that. It was the day we gave Christmas presents to each other. You got that for Brooke, I got you that skirt and you gave me that chain bracelet." Rachel smiles looking at the t-shirt.

"I also remember not an hour later somebody flipped us over in a car." I tease as Haley and I both turn our heads to look at Rachel.

"What? That was an accident! If I remember correctly David grabbed the wheel trying to get us back on the road." She reminds us and I laugh. I almost forgot David was with us that day.

"I haven't talked to David in a few days." I mumble, "I miss him." I frown a little pulling my shirt over my head jumping off the counter and slipping out of my pants pulling on the cheer shorts Rachel got out for me.

"Maybe you should call him." Haley suggests as I grab my tooth brush, "Just catch up you know."

"Lucas doesn't like us talking." I tell them as I brush my teeth, "I already have enough reasons where he could just leave me I don't need to give him another." I shrug spitting in the sink.

"What you mean?" Rachel raises her eye brow as she stands behind me sharing a look with Haley.

"Well I mean would you want to be with me?" I question dropping my tooth brush in the holder, "I mean other than just being his girlfriend we aren't ever going to go past what we are. Hell he won't want to be with me forever since all I can give him is me."

"Brooke…" Haley frowns looking at me but I just don't look at her.

"I'm not going to force him to be with me forever. When he gets bored, when he gets tired of it all I will let him go. I won't fight and cry about it just let it happen. I'm not going to give him another reason to do it sooner." I spin walking out of my room freezing when I see my boyfriend sitting on my bed, "Luke…"

"I umm…" He looks down at the coffee cup in his hand, "I thought you might want some coffee." He says leaning over and sitting it on my night stand as he stands up.

"Lucas…" I follow him grabbing his hand turning him to look at me, "I…"

"I'll be in the living room." He cuts me off kissing my forehead as he walks out clearly hurt which just makes me feel a million times worse.

"I didn't mean for him to hear that." I sigh staring at the door where my boyfriend just walked out.

"Brooke…" Rachel says walking up behind me placing her hand on my shoulder, "He loves you. We are all pretty much positive the first day he saw you he was a goner and I know you are hurting. God I know how much you are dying inside…"

"You don't know Rachel." I cut her off shaking my head, "You don't understand what I feel and I am not trying to be mean because I love you and I love Haley for being here but neither of you understand." I cry walking over and sitting on my bed, "I lost my baby! It's not in there anymore." I wrap my arm around my empty stomach, "God why doesn't Lucas hate me?"

"Brooke, honey." Haley moves across the room pulling me into a hug.

"It's my fault. It is all my fault and he is being so great to me." I cry into her arms not getting it, "He shouldn't be this nice to me."

"God Brooke." Haley shakes her head leaning her head against the side of mine, "When are you just going to accept it? When are you going to let him in, let him know you don't want him to leave you."

"I don't. I swear I don't want him to leave me." I shake my head that being the last thing I want.

"Then saying that you aren't going to fight for him when he leaves is not the way to do it." Rachel tells me as she sits on the other side of me.

"I didn't mean for him to hear that. I would not want to hurt him."

"But you did Brooke." Rachel says, "B I love you ok, Hales loves you and god everyone loves you but the way that boy looks at you…" She pauses looking up and shaking her head, "I will kill for the day when someone looks at me the way Lucas looks at you. I swear that boy just smiles all the time, is completely at ease and you don't see the way he looks at you when you aren't looking. You will just be off talking to us and he is just smiling at you like its ok, like his world is right there and everything is ok."

"I can't make everything ok for him. I just can't. This isn't going to be fixed with a smile and a kiss."

"No but a smile and a kiss might help." Haley shrugs, "I smile lets him know you are slowly getting to be ok and a kiss lets him know that you are still alive somewhere inside. That you are still there and that you will not leave, that you love him."

"I know." I nod tightening my pony tail, "But I think I may get myself fixed a little then come out and see ya'll. You think you could give me a minute. Tell Lucas I will be right out?" I ask and they both nod kissing the top of my head heading out.

"Please answer." I plead through my phone as it rings after ring. I need to talk to him, I need to talk bad and for the life of me I don't get why he isn't answering. He always answers and when it goes to voicemail I want to scream, "Hey it's me." I sigh into the phone, "I really, really need to talk to you so could you please call me. Please it's really important." I almost beg before hanging up tossing my phone on my bed as I walk into the bathroom to fix myself up so more.

_I don't know what I feel anymore. I feel numb and empty yet sad and weird. I got myself together. Put some make up on, straightened my hair and yet I still look just so weird. I can't for the life of me explain anything that I feel inside and it's making me nuts. I want to scream, I want to lock myself away in my room and cry and I want to go on with life like the last couple days haven't happened. I want to do something._

_Rachel and Haley are right. I need Lucas to know I am here for him. That I am still alive inside and that I'm not going anywhere. I mean though a part of me feels like I am just disappearing I think at the same time I need Lucas to know I love him. I love him so much and don't blame him for anything, I'm not mad at him I'm just… I don't know._

_Then how stupid was that comment I made about not fighting for him? God I wouldn't be surprised if he did leave me. I'm just so screwed up so utterly screwed up. First he says he wants me I say let's be friends, then he says I like you be with me and I say I like someone else give me time, he says he loves me I break up with him, he says he won't ever leave; I shove him away, he says give me your heart I break his. Honestly I don't know why he puts up with me._

_Then add the fact I have so much emotion built up in me that I can't even think to write it all down and you got me going nuts. Yet my phone is going off so I got to get it finish later._

"Hello?_" _I answer quickly, "God thanks for calling me back."

"_Of course. Your messaged seemed a little, I don't know bad. You ok Brookie?" _He asks but I just shake my head no.

"Things aren't great. They are far from great." I let out with a dry laugh shaking my head, "But I'm worried. I think Lucas is keeping something from me and I need you to tell me what it is."

"_Brooke you know I love you. You know I do but he is my brother. I mean I don't even know what it might be but I can't just tell you if he doesn't tell you himself._"

"Nathan please." I beg not knowing who else to call, "He told you didn't he? About what happened…I mean that I…"

"_Yeah Brookie he told me._" I hear him sigh in the phone, "_I am so sorry. If there was something I could do to make this better for you, for ya'll I would. God I swear I would._"

"I know Nate. It's ok but…" I trail off picking at my sheet, "Maybe I am reading too much into things. Maybe he didn't mean anything by it but I asked him something and he like froze. He tensed and went all weird and just stared off mumbling not like this and I don't know I just…"

"_Brooke...what…what did you ask?_" He questions.

"I asked him if he ever had a scare before. I don't know why I asked I just wanted to know what he was feeling. What he was thinking because other than worrying about me he just wouldn't say anything about himself and I thought maybe he was like relieved or something."

"_That was not it Brooke. I swear he is not relieved by any of this. I swear he would never want this for you; for ya'll._"

"Then what is it? Why won't my boyfriend talk to me?" I frown falling back on my bed yet laugh at little at the fact what do I expect when I haven't exactly talked to him.

"_Brooke…" _Nathan lets out a real long sigh that almost scares me, "_You can't tell him I told you. You can't even mention it to him because he will kill me. He will completely murder me for saying something like this because it might upset you._"

"Nate just tell me please. I won't tell him you told me. I won't say anything I just want to know what is going on with him." I beg almost nervous to know.

"_Ok…I'll tell you._"

* * *

Walking out of my room I walk slowly. I am getting all my emotions in check and wiping my tears and making sure I am completely ok when I round the corner to my living room finding everyone sitting there. As soon as I enter the room it goes quiet and they all look at me; well they all look at me except my boyfriend and they are all looking at me like I'm about to break.

I'm not.

"What's up B?" Jason's cheery tone comes in as he sits on the couch, "Want me to make you something to eat? Maybe get you a drink? Are you thirsty? If you're thirsty I can totally make you something." He rambles almost nervously, "Smoothies! Let's have smoothies! Brooke loves smoothies." He jumps up from the couch and I really can't help but laugh. I mean I would object to him making me something but a smoothie does sound amazing.

"You know Jay alone with a blender and cutting things with sharp knives probably isn't the best thing." Haley jumps up following him into the kitchen before he does any damage.

"Yeah I think I may go with." Rachel also gets up pausing at the corner when Tony just sits there staring at me. Giving me his nervous wanting to protect me from everything look, "Tony!" Rachel slaps his head making him shake his gaze.

"What?" He growls rubbing his head and she just darts her eyes from me and Lucas, "Oh yeah sorry. I guess I will help too." He stands up kissing the side of my head, "Love you." He whispers before walking away and that ok almost broke me. Tony isn't the affectionate type. Doesn't say I love you first; actually normally he doesn't say it ever. I of course say it to him but he normally goes 'you too' or gives a nod. I think that maybe only the second maybe third time he has said it first.

Weird.

Lucas isn't saying anything. Just kind of staring at the TV with some sport scores run across the screen and I know he is hurt. He won't ever admit it to me but I know he was hurt by what I said. I look up at all my friends and family standing laughing in the kitchen and then they all freeze too look at me giving me that whole 'Is she going to break look.' Again I'm not.

I walk over to him and I sit next to him on the couch tucking my legs under me just staring at him as he stares at the TV.

"I'm sorry." I whisper resting my chin on his shoulder, "Please look at me." I beg yet he doesn't just focus on the TV, "Lucas…" I shake my head closing my eyes as I turn his head to face me, "Can't sorry fix everything? Can't sorry just make us better again?"

"Brooke I'm not mad at you. You don't have to say sorry to me." He final speaks kissing my forehead.

"Lucas I need you." I confess, "I just need you ok. No one else will get this; no one else understands what I feel and I just…don't go anywhere please."

"Brooke me going anywhere is something that is never in question. You on the other hand…Well I'm not sure."

"I'm not…I'm not going anywhere."

"Brooke you said you wouldn't fight for us. You said when it came to it you wouldn't fight when I feel like though this entire relationship I have been fighting for you, for us."

"I know…I know you did and I promise that I will not give up on us. I promise just please don't give up on me. I love you Lucas. I love you so much and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you." I apologize pulling him into hug me thoughts of what Nathan told me racing through my head, "I'm so sorry." I repeat kissing the side of his head before lifting his chin giving him like Rachel and Haley said a soft, loving kiss letting him know I'm not going anywhere. I will never go anywhere.

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**I planned on having this up yesterday but then my computer went all nuts and wouldn't work so I finally got it up now. The reviews last chapter were such a relief! I was nervous and you all put it at ease and I am so glad you all are ok with where I am going with this!**

**Brookenlucas4eva03****- I know poor Brooke but I hope you don't get to upset with me hehe**

**Love Me Some Julian****- I always love when I give a blindside and I hope it wasn't a bad one for you haha**

**Sumerlove LB4ever****- You don't hate me! Back flip, cartwheel, any other crazy thing I might do to show how glad I am! I was worried I won't lie! You have been loyal my whole story and never once disagreed with me yet I was fearful. I knew you didn't want the Brucas baby at the time yet I also know you didn't think it would go how it did but once again you aren't failing me by waiting for an update!**

**Jess****- I am so glad I have you hooked! I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint and you stay hooked haha.**

**Alex****- I am glad you find it more interesting how it's going! You have been a great reviewer this whole story and I seriously love you!**

**Diane****- My sweet girl I love you! Every story without fail you review no matter what and you are great! I hope this chapter makes up for the non-updating soon and I know you love Best Friend and that will be up soon I promise!**

**BDavisLScott23****- I'm sorry I upset you :( Tears are no fun at all! Yet I wrote the damn thing and when I would read over it, which has been about a million times in the last few months, but I still got teary eyed even with knowing what was happening! Yet Lucas I hope everyone loved! He has been so great I think through the story I wasn't going to change that! I felt that was just how Lucas was going to be and I hope he didn't disappoint you! Yet you are also so great reviewing and I love it so thank you!**

**EmFerry****- I know you along with others wanted a Brucas baby and I'm sorry I took it away. But hey the story isn't over yet! Who knows what will happen. Most the time I don't and I write the dang thing haha**

**S****uperstargirl7****- Thank you for reviewing! Thanks for enjoying this chapter and all the praise you gave! I totally don't deserve it but thank you so much! With the frustration god I know right! I so think Mark hacked into my computer and yours and totally stole our ideas and I want to scissor kick him to the face! Yet thank you for liking my way better and yes I am not just going to drop that bomb and then do nothing with it! I promise!**

**Lizzy****- Girl I am so glad you still enjoyed the chapter! I was so nervous with it and you are definitely the reason I went through with it! Your input on everything was fantastic and I love you! No joke you are amazing and never fail to give a great review!**

**Laurie****- Last but sure as hell not least my BFF hehe I know I already told you but thank you so flipping much for the review! Without a doubt you never fail to give something that is amazing and even makes me think things! You were so right about Lucas and I am slightly pissed at myself for not noticing it sooner! Yet this chapter along with the next few will clear that up, clear most of everything up! Yes I do agree with Lucas stopping them! I just wanted Brooke to seem upset and maybe a little pissed off and how she was holding everything in and that with that little not being able to get the button undone break her because that does happen I think. You will hold something inside not want to talk about it then something so little just breaks you down completely! Don't worry you won't lose you touchy feely Lucas, now Brooke maybe a little different, yet Lucas will still be there I promise! I hope you enjoy this chapter and I hope the next to follow! I also hope things are going great right now and are getting better!**

**Again for my readers who haven't checked out ****The Playboy and the Nobody by OTH-Brucas-Love**** you should! It's great and on my favorites list!**

**I hope you all enjoy.**

**Review :D**


	32. Chapter 32

**Two days! Two flipping days and I have a chapter up! I couldn't help it; I was supposed to work today but they called me this morning saying they didn't need me the rest of the week and I seriously was so excited haha! So after hanging with the sister, going to the lake with the brothers I sat down and started typing and couldn't stop! This week has been nuts, crazy and I am so stressed and I guess my fanfiction is my outlet from it all! So thank you all for the reviews! They are so amazing all the time and they made my day!**

**Also want some exciting news? Well it's exciting for me but I wrote something! It's not Brucas or OTH just this story and I got it published! Hell yes it happened! No joking! I mean yeah there are kinks getting worked out and revising but I was so flipping excited I had to share so yeah thanks for joining in my happy dance!**

**Oh also one more thing; I am on FictionPress with a new story I think you all should check out! So far I have gotten some great feedback but would love all ya'lls thoughts too.**

**The story is Forbidden Love by SpicyPepper03 yes, yes that is my name…long story on how I got it but it was funny with my brothers so I had to use it! So since I gave you all I gave this update in two days checking that story out would be really appreciated because all ya'lls thoughts mean so much to me!**

h t t p : / / w w w . f i c t i o n p r e s s . c o m / s / 2 8 0 0 3 1 4 / 1 / F o r b i d d e n _ L o v e

**Just put it all together: )) I actually think it's one of my better stories!**

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"What you thinking?" Lucas asks as I lay on his couch. It's been a two week since everything has happened and I still have yet to talk to Lucas about what Nathan told me. We are ok today, we have our on and off days about stuff but we are getting to be ok.

"Nothing." I shrug flipping over on my side staring at the TV.

"You ok?" Lucas has asked for about the millionth time this week. I'm somewhat getting tired of people asking if I am ok. I said I was but no one seems to believe me. Everyone thinks I am one step away from completely breaking and I am not.

"I'm fine." I growl a little picking myself off the couch and walking around it.

"Brooke…" Lucas grabs my hand as I walk in front of him, "I'm just checking on you." He tells me with concern and I know he is but it's getting annoyed.

"I'm tired of people checking on me." I yank my hand away walking out on his back balcony slamming the door. I'm not trying to be a bitch to everyone. I'm not trying to hurt anyone but I just don't want to talk about it anymore. I am so tired of talking about it, "I'm not going to break." I say when I hear the door close behind me as I look straight at the rain pouring into the pool, "I'm not going to just shatter or cry or anything else you all might think I might do."

"Didn't say you were." He says walking behind me and wrapping his arms around me making me tense. So maybe I'm ok but for some reason every time my boyfriend touches me I freeze; like bad. I mean it's not Lucas, it has nothing to do with him I just…I'm not ready for that. I don't know when I will be, "God why do you do that?" He murmurs pulling me closer.

"Do what?" I ask obvious to what he is saying.

"Why can't I touch you?" He sighs next to me, "Every time I do you jerk away, you snap at me you something. I… I don't know what to do." He sighs letting go and walking away from me.

"Lucas I don't mean to." I explain walking over to where he sat down on a chair on his balcony, "I didn't realize I did it." I lie sitting next to him.

"Well you do. I get within ten feet of you and you tense or freak or dodge me touching you." He says staring out at the pool below us watching the ripples the water makes as each drop hits, "I sometimes wish we could just rewind everything."

"Yeah me too." I sigh running my hand over his, "Lucas you know I love you right?"

"Honestly?" He turns to look at me, "I really don't know anymore."

"Don't say that." I shake my head, "Please don't say that." I beg moving and sitting in his lap, "I promise I do. I promise I love you." I hug him tight.

"Are you sure? Because if not its easier for you to just leave now."

"Why do you do that?" I snap my head back to look at him, "Why are you always expecting me to leave? God damn it I love you!"

"Brooke you are the one pushing me away here not me." He tells me calmer as I shake my head.

"I am not pushing you away Lucas! I am holding on so tight here but you just seem not to be trying at all. God what do you want me to do? What do you want me to say? Because I can't figure out anything anymore." I get off him over to the balcony, "I'm not her Lucas." I whisper looking over the railing as the wind blows, "I'm not either of them."

"What? What are you talking about?" He asks confused and I take in a shake breath before spinning to look at him.

"I'm not Aislinn and I am not Lindsey. I am just Brooke." I tell him gripping hard on the railing as my knuckles turn white keeping me from crying.

"How do you know about Lindsey?" He leans up in his chair too look at me.

"Does it really matter?" I give a sad shrug as he sits there staring at me. Like he is trying to figure out what I know, how much I know and where I might have heard it from. He I can tell is playing everything in his head and like a light going off I see when his face finally gets it.

"Nathan?" He growls with a clenched jaw, "Did Nathan tell you?"

"I can't believe my boyfriend didn't tell me." I cross my arms over my chest matching his tone.

"Well it was none of your business!" He snaps at me and my eyes widen wondering if he is serious.

"Are you kidding me!" I yell throwing my hands to the side.

"No I'm not kidding you! I can't believe Nathan told you! I can't believe that you would sneak behind my back like that. What happened with Lindsey has nothing to do with you!" He informs me as I let out a harsh laugh.

"You know what Lucas? Go to hell." I hiss storming past him toward the door.

"Brooke stop!" He grabs my arm that I yank away from him.

"Don't touch me!" I growl going inside grabbing my stuff.

"Will you for once just not pick a fight and leave! Be an adult and actually talk about it!" He follows me inside slamming the back door making the room feel like it shook.

"I am being an adult Lucas. I am leaving before I say something that will completely mess this whole relationship up." I throw my purse over my shoulder, "And you know what Lucas I love you ok I do but god you are just such asshole!"

"I'm an asshole?" He lets out a laugh shaking his head, "I have done nothing wrong here. You were the one who was snooping through my life!"

"Well I am so damn sorry." I roll my eyes, "Stupid of me to think that I was a part of that life. You know Lucas if you don't want me to know about your life then well maybe you don't even want me in it." I throw my hands up completely exhausted.

"What?" He whispers looking at me as I stand once again tears forming in my eye for about the millionth time these past few weeks.

"I get what she did hurt you. I get that ok but what she _did_ and what _happened_ to me are two totally different things. She chose to not have ya'lls baby, I didn't. I never chose it and I never would have and you yelling at me for that; making me feel terrible for asking Nathan why the boy I love so much is closing himself off from me is not fair." My voice cracks as I wipe my tear real quick, "It's not fair at all and if you don't want me here, if you don't want me knowing anything about your life then fine; don't have me in your life anymore." I turn to leave until the familiar hand of him grabs my arm spinning me into him my face slamming into his chest as his arms circle around my body holding me close.

"Don't leave me. Please I'm sorry I didn't mean it. I didn't mean what I said please don't go." He begs burying his face in my hair, "I need you. You are the best thing that has happened to me and god Pretty Girl I don't want you to go. I don't want a life that you're not in, please don't go please."

"Lucas…" I shake my head closing my eyes as my forehead rest against his chest until I feel nothing and open my eyes to see him moving towards the kitchen.

"I'll make you something to eat. Are you hungry? What do you want? Thirsty? Tired? Do you want to sleep because you can sleep; you can sleep all day and I won't say anything. I won't even touch you. I swear I won't." He rambles moving around his kitchen slamming cabinets and opening them again as he looks through.

"Luke…" I move towards him placing my hand on his shoulder as he snaps his body around too look at me.

"What do you want me to do? Tell me what you want me to do to fix this and I'll fix it I promise. I'll…I'll do whatever I don't care; just don't leave me." He pleads looking at me and I have never in my life seen the look in his eye that I see. It almost scares me, "Don't go Brooke; please don't go."

"I won't." I tell him taking his face in my hands, "I won't; I'm not." I promise and he nods as I pull him into me hugging him, "God Luke I'm not."

"I love you. I love you so much. You are the only things I have done right in a long time and I just can't lose you." He pleads as I pull out of our hug.

"You're not going to lose me Lucas; I just need to know you are here. That you are right here with me because sometimes I feel like you're not even here anymore." I confess with a small shrug.

"I'm here Brooke." He takes my hand in his pulling it against his chest, "I am right here and I'm not going anywhere. I promise I am not going anywhere I am just scared you are slipping away and I am trying so desperately to hold you here, to keep you and us a float but Brooke we are sinking. We are sinking fast and I need to know how to fix it; how to get us back again."

"Let's…" I pause hearing the heavy rain smash against the roof, "Let's go swimming." I suggest and he raises his eyebrow at me, "Luke we use to just do stuff for fun. Relax and have fun and not think just act and I want that us back. I want to go swimming."

"Brooke it's raining." He tells me like I am stupid not knowing that.

"But it's not storming just raining." I point out.

"Brooke I don't think swimming in the rain will fix what is going on." He says and I know that but I know he isn't going to talk about him because he never talks about him and I don't want to talk about myself anymore; I am so tired of talking about myself.

"I know that Lucas but we are so serious about stuff right now, arguing about everything and I'm tired of it. God I am so tired and I know you are too so please can't we just go swimming. For maybe ten minutes just be us again. I just want to be us again."

* * *

"The rain is freezing." Lucas shivers making me laugh. He is normally the burning up one but now he is freezing and honestly to me it's not cold.

"But the pool feels amazing." I promise, "So you going to get in Broody?" I ask over the rain as I walk backwards towards the pool, "Cause I am." I shrug taking a step back and falling into the warm water loving the warmth of it. To me swimming at night in the rain is always amazing. The water is warm, the rain is peaceful and the dark makes time just seem to stand still even if it's for a few short hours.

With my eyes closed and underneath the water I feel two arms circling around my waist and I don't know why but I feel safe again. For the first time in a few weeks I feel safe in his arms again. I don't fight him, I don't tense I don't anything only because the fear of losing him scares the life out of me. The fear of that alone will make me push away any other thought in me that is scared of his touch again.

"Luke!" I laugh as he spins in circles in the water before dipping us back under with his perfect smile.

"I'm going to throw you." He informs me when we come up.

"Luke no!" I freak clinging onto him.

"Brooke yes!" He mocks me gripping onto my hips, "I gave fair warning so you can't be mad."

"Oh yes I can!" I squirm in his arms yet he grips tighter, "Lucas!" I squeal as he lifts me from the water throwing me a few feet making me go under laughing, "You're dead." I say coming up finding him laugh as I run my hand over my face getting the water off, "You're so dead!" I swim over placing my hands on top of his head pushing him under as he grabs my waist pulling me with him. Once again coming up we are laughing with my arms are around his neck and legs are locked around his waist yet then I freeze when he tosses a glance down at my lips.

In the last few weeks kissing has been a major problem with us. He tries; I pull away, he makes contact; I cut it short. Everything has just been so out of whack with us and it's because the idea of sex is scaring me. I think honestly I am scared more to have it then our first time and it's because what if it happens again? I know the doctor said that the odds are slim me getting pregnant again but what if I do? What if I do and then my body once again can't handle it and then again I feel what I have been feeling all over again?

I can't feel that feeling anymore.

Yet then the fear of losing him kicks in. The fear that he takes me not wanting to kiss him, wanting him to touch me and him not wanting to be near me as a sign that I am pushing him away and that fear is greater than the fear of everything else. So when he hesitantly pushes those gorgeous lips of his against mine I don't stop it.

He is nervous, I can feel the nerves almost coming off him and when I place my hand on his cheek pulling him closer I feel as he relaxes. I almost forgot how good it felt to kiss him, how good he tasted and how when his tongue slips into my mouth it always knows the exact dance my tongue does.

The rain falling over us feelings amazing as it mixes with the warm pool water and the feeling of Lucas's hands wrapped around me makes everything better. Yet him being Lucas of course decides to pull away when I get into it and I seriously want to smack him for taking that feeling away.

"I love you." He whispers making my heart do a flip in my chest, "God I just…I just love you so much." He says making me feel safe, making me feel like everything will be ok and with that I smile pushing my lips back against his.

* * *

Carrying me to his apartment was probably more of a task then one would think. Though I am not heavy and Lucas doesn't have problems lifting me the fact it started to thunder and lightning we tried to move our soaking wet bodies quick however Lucas refused to put me down, he refused to let my feet touch the wet cement and he also refused to remove his lips from mine. I'm more then positive his eyes were slammed shut the whole way and I could almost feel the fear of him to remove them. He is so afraid that if his lips leave mine that I will change my mind. That all of a sudden my fears will take over and as he fears I will slip away.

"Luke…" I can't help but giggle as his wet feet fail him and he slips on the wooden floor sliding and almost dropping me.

"Sorry." He apologizes against my lips making me laugh more as we stumble down the hall towards his room slamming into walls all the way.

"Luke wait!" I stop us right before we fall onto his bed.

"What? What's wrong?" He freaks making me laugh more, "Why do you keep laughing at me?" he pouts.

"Nothing. It just Lucas we are soaking wet and about to get on your nice clean bed." I point out and he tosses a look from us to his bed, to us then back to his bed.

"Yeah baby I don't care." He says going to move to the bed making me laugh again, "Plus I don't plan you being in these wet clothes that long." He shrugs as we fall onto his bed.

"You're dumb." I laugh as he pulls away yanking his shirt off before dipping back down and kissing me. My hands thread through his wet blonde hair pulling him closer as his hands start to undo my jeans.

"These things are extremely hard to get off when wet." He informs me as my wet jeans stick like glue to my body as he yanks them off tossing them on the ground joining his shirt.

"I'm sorry." I smile a little and he mumbles 'it's ok' before kissing me again. In the processes of everything my shirt has been removed, my pants, his shirt and now we are in making out on his bed, him on top of me and I'm nervous. I don't want to be but I am; I am so nervous just like the first time we were together but I don't want to stop it. I love him, "Luke umm…" I gasp out as he's lips find their normal spot on my neck, "Lucas you have something right?" I ask knowing it will just settle my fear of everything and also not let things get to far and realize he doesn't, "I'm not…I haven't gotten the pill yet. I mean I am. I got some that day I just…" I tell him quickly so he doesn't like freak on me, "I just haven't got them yet…With everything I just haven't gone and picked them up."

"It's ok I have something." He smiles giving me a small peck before jumping off me and digging through his drawer, "Ok I know I have some." He walks over grabbing his wallet when he fails in the dresser, "Hmm…" He hums looking through his wallet before tossing it on the night stand and falling back on the bed kissing me.

"Lucas…" I breathe out heavy as he starts sucking on my neck running his hands to down my arms lacing his fingers through mine.

"I don't have any." He mumbles against my neck, "I will have to get some more." He informs me letting go of my hand and reaching behind my back to unhook my bra.

"Well we can't really do this." I moan out a little loving when he kisses right below my ear. I mean I think everyone has a spot that they love being kissed and that is so mine.

"We can." He mumbles giving up on getting my bra off when I don't lean up to help and he just starts rocking his hips against mine, "We really, really can. It will be ok we won't let anything happen."

"It could." I let out a small laugh as he bits down on the skin making me just go all stupid, "Luke…" I moan wondering why the hell he doesn't have anything. He really needs to just buy those things in stock or something. I swear I thought all guys had like a load of them all in the house.

"It's been weeks Brooke. 6 very long weeks." He reminds me like I once again don't know that.

"Luke come on we can't." I wiggle underneath him really not wanting to get somewhere he gets frustrated. Even though I think he is getting to his frustrated stage. I get as girls we can rub all against our boys, have them tease us or whatever and gets us all flustered and still be able to get nothing out of it and walk out like no big deal; yet guys not so much. You get him all flustered, hot and bothered and it's not as easy for him to hide that little frustration and I get that; I understand. So unless I am purposely teasing him I don't like hitting that point because it's not fair to him and then I do feel a little bad.

"Brooke…" He groans dropping his head above my shoulder into the bed, "Nothing is going to happen, I mean it's not like anything could happen anyway." He growls yet as soon as the words come out I know he wants them back. I know he feels my body freeze under him and when his head shots back to look at me I know he sees how everything in me just broke, "I didn't mean that." He says quickly as my head lays tilted to the side looking away from him, "God that came out wrong. I did not mean how that came out."

"It's fine." I lie shaking my head at him not going to get upset; I'm so tired of getting upset.

"No its not I didn't mean that." He tells me again.

"I'm sure you did but it's really ok." I roll out from under him moving over to his dresser.

"Brooke…"

"I umm…I'm going to borrow some of your clothes since mine are wet." I ignore him digging through finding a long sleeve shirt and a pair of boxers slipping them on, "I may use your sweatshirt too." I grab his old gray sweatshirt pulling it on and grabbing my wet clothes from off the floor.

"Brooke stop please I'm sorry." He apologizes following me down the hall to the kitchen, "Pretty Girl stop ok." He grabs my arm yanking me around to look at him, "I didn't mean that. It came out completely wrong please don't leave."

"It's still raining pretty bad so I'll let you know when I get home." I ignore his plead pulling away from him moving almost zombie like towards his door.

"Brooke please I-" I shut the front door cutting off the rest of his words. The rain is worse than earlier, the thunder and lightning is louder and the whole sky is such a dark black it's scary. Yet it still doesn't seem to register to me. I still slowly stick my key in the door of my car unlocking it and still slowly climb in shutting the door as I grab my iPod from my purse spinning the dial not really caring the song as I plug it into my adaptor and start my drive home.

* * *

"Brooke is that you?" I hear mom call as soon as I shut the door.

"Yeah I'm home." I call walking into the living room finding everyone playing cards.

"Why would you drive in this? The weather is crazy you should have stayed at Lucas's." She scolds me flipping a card down on the table.

"Sorry I just really wanted to come home. I'm...I'm not feeling too great." I lie and everyone's head shots over to look at me.

"Brooke what is it?" Tony asks concerned. He has been like this the past few weeks. I honestly didn't even think big brother liked me that much being as his emotional side like I have said before is like none yet the last few weeks it has become clear to all big brother worries a lot, "Do you feel sick or something else? Have you eaten?"

"Yeah." I answer honestly for once not getting annoyed with that question. I use to hate it, I use to roll my eyes and growl but now I don't know it doesn't anymore. Like it's just a realization of what is wrong, what I did and that they just worry, "But are we making something for dinner because I'm still kind of hungry?"

"We are having some little thing Kylee found in a magazine and if it sucks well…grilled cheese." Mom says and I force a laugh tucking me wet hair behind my ear.

"Yeah well I think I may go lay down a little before we eat so I'll be in my room if I'm needed." I tell them kissing Aiden on the top of the head as I walk out of the room and into my bedroom falling on the bed.

_Should I be mad? Should I be hurt or anything because I know he didn't mean to say it. Yet did he not mean to say it or did he not mean to say it out loud. God I feel like I am in quick sand and the more I fight the faster I sink and the more I sink this suffocating feeling takes over and as it is slowly suffocating me I am slowly losing him._

_We fight about everything now. It doesn't matter what it might be or how small or little we just fight over and over, again and again and I hate it! I want to get back to us before everything has happened, the us that was perfect and happy and in love. God I love him, I love him so much that is hurts inside but why can't we get it right?_

_We were having fun, we were getting to the point where it was me and him again and it was fun in the pool yet then life came back and hit us in the face. Life let us realize things aren't the same anymore. I shouldn't have said anything. I should have just swallowed what I was feeling and worrying and just done it because he is right nothing is going to happen but I can't just do that._

_Maybe me asking was like a little hint I wasn't ready yet because I know I should just get over it all, that it has been two weeks so I should not be hurting anymore but I am. I am still hurting and I hate the fact I see a baby I cry; well want to cry. That the fact I once loved kids so much just seemed to disappear and now being around them I itch to get away._

_What is wrong with me? What is wrong with us? I love him more than life yet in reality I don't even know him. I feel like all we do is make sure I am ok, that I'm still alive inside and when I sit down and really think about this I don't even know this boy I love so much. _

_I mean yeah I know his favorite color is black, he randomly gets food cravings at the weirdest hours and he loves basketball. He has a scar across his forearm from where he sliced it open on a camping trip and that he has a father he will never speak of. That Lily is the daughter of his mother and Uncle and that said Uncle is one of the most important people to him. I know he graduated from college with an English degree and played basketball all the way through and that even though he could get a job as a teacher somewhere he is taking time to work with his Uncle at his auto shop until he figures everything out. I also know that if I wasn't here, if he never met me odds are good he wouldn't have stayed in Tree Hill as long as he has._

_Yet I don't know him. I know the things that make him tick but don't know why the make him tick. I know the things he loves and hates and his favorite things but I don't know about his past. The him before me, the him in high school and college and the him before he became the him he is now._

_I feel like I keep getting blinded sided by his past, his secrets slapping me in the face at every turn and I can't handle this! I can't handle any of this and I mean it's easier for him. I have no past; I don't have past pregnancy scares, or loves, or being cheated on or anything._

_Yet I do get his pushing me away sometimes. I get him letting me so close because I know he is so afraid I am going to leave. Hell he cared about Lindsey, according to Nathan he cared a lot, they were best friends and even though Lucas says he has realized he has only ever truly loved me I don't doubt his feelings for her were still there; yet she hurt him. She let him down and because of that he shut himself off from people. He became the person he said he didn't like before Aislinn and then when he finally opens up to her, lets her in she like Lindsey breaks him. Confess she doesn't love him anymore and wonders if she ever really did and with me being so royally messed up in the head I get him waiting for me to do the same._

_I get him only being so close to me, letting me meet his family is so nerve racking to him because he thinks sooner or later I am going to be gone. I am going to run and I guess me saying a few weeks back that I would fight him on it didn't help._

_I don't feel safe anymore. _

_That feeling I felt earlier is erased and now the pain and scared feeling is back and I hate that! I almost hate him for making me lose that safe feeling yet I know I can't hate him. I could never hate him because I am so in love with him it scares me._

_It terrifies me._

"God!" I growl cursing myself for letting a tear slip down my cheek. I am so tired of crying, so annoyed with it and so pissed off by the fact I keep doing it I want to scream. I want to yell from the roof tops that I am pissed and if I cry one more time I might scissor kick someone in the face and then that scissor kick want becomes stronger when my phone starts going off next to me, "What?" I growl into the phone just wanting to be left alone, just wanting for a few moments to be in my room alone and not getting bothered.

"Oh hey sorry I didn't mean to snap…" I apologize all of a sudden feeling guilty snapping without even checking the ID. Good thing it wasn't like Papa then I would feel real bad snapping at the innocent person on the other line, "I'm fine…I swears it's not a big deal just forget it." I shake my head really not wanting to talk about it, "Yeah I got home a little while ago I was going to call…No. No why?" I tell him as I sit up on my bed listening to everything he is saying and feeling my heart completely shatter as a lump forms in my throat and those damn tears make another appearance and I feel like my world is crashing around me and I can't handle this. I can't handle one more thing and when I hear him ask if I'm still there all I can whisper is, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left."

* * *

**Review!**


	33. Chapter 33

I am shaking the whole way to the floor. I feel like I felt with Aiden all over again. I don't want to be here, I don't want to be in a hospital and I definitely don't want to know my boyfriend is somewhere in this hospital. I felt like the drive here was the longest of my life.

Walking down the white bland hall I feel like it goes on for miles until I turn the corner and see Nathan, Haley, Felix, Lily then a few older people who I assume are family. They are all talking to each other and when I walk into the waiting room I just stand there watching not really sure if I should say anything, and if I do what? Lucas is here because of me, he is in the hospital because I got pissed and stormed out of his apartment. I am more than sure they don't want me here.

"Book!" Lily squeals making everyone's head jerk to look at me and I freeze throwing a glance at my best friend to almost protect me from everything; begging Haley to become the motherly person I love and just fix everything, "Book, Book, Book." Lily babbles like she did that day Lucas and I all watched her as she wiggles out of the blondes arms slowly swaying back and forth until reaching me, "Book." She reaches up for me and I look up at everyone staring almost afraid of what to do, "Book." She repeats her bottom lip trembling as her eyes water one hand holding my pant leg the other reaching for me.

I know all eyes are on me. Nathan and Haley are tossing nervous glance between me and Lily then back at each other, the blonde woman that Lily wiggled out of has stood up standing next to a man in a business suit and another brunette man in a brown coat that looks wet as he talks to Felix who for the first time since I have met him isn't even looking at me just staring right at the ground.

"Book hold me." Lily cries and after tossing one last glance at everyone I slowly kneel down picking her up in my arms as her arms fly around my neck giving me probably one of the most amazing hugs I have ever had in my life, "My Book." She giggles making me crack a small sad smile.

"My Lily." I whisper back enjoying the feeling of a baby in my arms.

"Brooke…" Nathan says giving me a weak smile walking over and engulfing me in a hug making sure not to crush Lily, "He's going to be ok." He whispers and I just nod into his chest as he holds me tighter. I feel Haley's hand run up my back soothingly and I pull away from Nathan hugging my best friend.

"You ok honey?" She asks tossing a glance at Lily in my arms then at me and I shake my head slowly no knowing that this is killing me a little. Knowing that right now in my arms is a little girl playing with my hair and knowing I will never have her, never have anything like her, "Lily sweetie why don't we go get you a cookie?" Haley like always rescues me slowly taking Lily from me.

"Cookie!" She squeals excited, "Cookie, cookie, cookie." We all hear her cheer as Haley walks down the hall to the elevator.

"You must be Brooke." One of the older men smile walking over and sticking out his hand, making me think of just one person.

"You must be Keith." I say knowing Lucas talks about this man all the time, yet then I wonder if the blonde is his mom. I mean I know her name is Karen but she really doesn't look how I thought. Then I freak more because meeting my boyfriend's family in the hospital isn't really what I want to do.

"Yes I am. It's about time I met you. I assumed Luke made you up." He teases and I relax a little because he is just as I assumed with his warm smile and inviting personality. However after I figure out he is who I thought I realize that the older dark headed guy giving me glare must be Dan.

"Well maybe if he did he wouldn't be in a hospital bed." He mutters and yup it's Dan.

"Dan…" The blonde says in a warning tone.

"No didn't you Nathan say you were on the phone with him when he crashed. Him saying he fought with Brooke, she stormed out and he was going to see her." he says locking eyes onto me and I fidget under his gaze, "Good job Brooke, you're a very good girlfriend."

"Dan!" Nathan snaps putting a protective arm around me, "I personally don't know why the hell you are here but I do know you say one more word to Brooke and Lucas will get out of that hospital bed and kick your ass!" he hisses and the older man chuckles.

"He can't get out of bed, he isn't even awake." He says and my heart breaks completely and my whole face falls.

"Not now but one more word and there is no doubt he will and when he does I am more than sure this whole waiting room will enjoy watching it." he growls taking my hand in his, "Come on Brooke I'm sure he will want you in there." he tells me and I toss a glance at the whole room as Nathan pulls me to Lucas's room.

"I'm sorry Nathan." I apologize as we reach his door.

"Brooke don't listen to Dan, it's not your fault. If it's anyone's its mine for calling him, and the rain for sucking." He tries to reason but I shake my head.

"No if I just stayed there he wouldn't be in here. He would be at home safe in his bed."

"Or he would have woken up with one of his random spur of the moment late night craving and gone out to get something dragging you with him." He says with a soft smile, "He is going to be ok." He tells me and I just nod blinking away the tears.

"Am I allowed to be in here with him?" I question feeling my whole body shake.

"I'm not going to say anything." He smiles "Just go talk to him." He tells me placing his hand on my back opening the door and I freeze. "It's ok just go." He nods giving me a comforting smile then walkin away.

I stand completely frozen looking at him. He looks like he is just sleeping, yet I know he isn't because when he sleeps he doesn't look like that. He doesn't look all pale and doesn't have that cut above his eye. His breathing isn't as slow and he sure as hell doesn't have IV's and those machines around him.

Slowly walking into the small room I pull a chair next to him and just stare; like if someone walked in I would look creepy just staring at him like this. I don't say anything just stare. My hand is shaking like crazy as I reach up slipping my hand into his, staring at his fingers; they are all cut up and I slam my eyes shut as a tear slips out of the corner.

"Hi…" I whisper out with a really cracked voice and then pause a little longer swallowing hard before talking again, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left like that. I was being so stupid and got mad about nothing. I knew you didn't mean it, I knew you wouldn't ever say something like that on purpose." I tell him "I love you." I whisper running my hand slowly through his hair, "I love you so much and I need you to wake up please. You promise not to leave me and you promise not to hurt me and I am keeping you to that promise so I need you to wake up." I beg, "I think this is the first time I am begging you for something and you aren't even awake to make fun of me." I say with a dry laugh picking at the bed sheet, "I won't even whine if you make fun of me now; I promise I will just sit here and take it. So please, please open up those gorgeous blue eyes I love and make a joke, roll you eyes, call me dramatic just do something!" I feel like I yell laying my head on his bed crying.

"Please say something." I cry lifting my head too look at him, "Remember our baby?" I whisper taking his hand placing in on my stomach, "Remember how you said that one day you were going to get me my baby? Well I don't know many people who would make a promise like that. Make a promise so big that could be completely undoable, and I know that promise you made may not be able to fulfill," I pause swallowing and biting my trembling bottom lip, "yet you still promised it." I shrug a little bring his hand brushing his knuckles again my lips, "I loved you for that." I tell him standing up and crawling next to him laying my head on his chest, "I just love you."

* * *

I let my eye flitter open when I feel a light shining on my face. They burn a little so a clamp them back again for a second before opening them again. Yet when I do I realize I'm not in my room, I'm not in my bed nor Lucas's yet I still feel my body curled into his. I sit up some recognizing the hospital room and feel my whole heart shatter realizing I wasn't dreaming, I am in a hospital room and Lucas is still hurt.

"No." I whisper to myself burring my face into his chest wishing he would say something, tighten his arm around me or kiss the top of my head yet I know he isn't. I try to maybe going to back to sleep, thinking if I do he will be awake when I open my eyes yet I also know that I can't sleep with light around me, not at all I need blackness and when I turn over to see where the light is coming from realizing the lights are still off but freak when I see someone else in the room with me.

"I'm sorry." I apologize moving away from Lucas, "I know I shouldn't be in here…I'm…"

"Brooke." The woman smiles walking over and out stretching her hand which I take, "I'm Karen." Oh shit this is his mom. Nice Brooke way to meet your boyfriend's mom in the hospital, snuggled against him in a room you shouldn't be in and looking like a mess. I bet she is so thrilled of her son's choice.

"Hi…" seems to be the only word I can come up with as I slide off the bed away from him feeling like I shouldn't be touching him.

"Looks like we get to finally meet." She smiles a warm sweet smile taking a seat on the other side of the bed, "Not exactly how I wanted to meet you but…"

"I'm sorry!" I blurt out as the tears start to form again, "I know this is all my fault and I am sorry! I was mad and I shouldn't have been mad because I know he didn't mean it but I was still mad and I wish I could take it back! I wish I could have just rolled over and gone to sleep but I didn't! I left and since I left he followed and since he followed he got hurt and I'm sorry!" I repeat for about the millionth time.

"He called me." She tells me and I look at her utterly confused. I give her a tear filled rant and she says he called me, ok I don't know what she means, "It was late, I was sitting reading a book, drinking a cup of tea and he called." She tells me looking at Lucas but I am still confused, "He said mom…" Her voice cracks pulling in a long deep breath, "He said mom I love her, but I messed up. Again." She says with a small laugh shaking her head as I walk back over sitting on the other side of him, "I don't know what I am supposed to say or do because I hit her with something low, really low and I didn't mean it. I would never say something that would hurt her like that." She whispers reaching up gently touching the cut above his eye.

"It was my fault I shouldn't have left." I shake my head.

"I told him to go see you so wouldn't it make it my fault?" I hear her say and my head looks up at her, "He asked what he should do. If he should let you go home, let you both sleep on it and calm down and I told him no. That if he knew he messed up and felt truly sorry for it then he needed to then fix it. Don't let that poor girl sit at home crying upset waiting for you to apologize because you were wrong. God what he said was wrong." She says turning to look at me and placing her hand on mine, "He was wrong." She tells me and I nod her clearly knowing what was said.

"He didn't mean it. I know he didn't." I tell her, "I guess I have just been so closed off from him the past few weeks because of it all that when I finally didn't push him away he didn't want to stop. He was just afraid it was a moment thing and I would shut him back out again."

"That doesn't make it right. Even if it was in the moment, it wasn't right and he knows that." She tells me and I nod, "But he didn't even say bye before rushing off the phone to go see you. All these years and all the girls I have met, or heard him talk about he has never talked about them the way he does you." She says giving me a small smile, "He really loves you."

"I love him too." I whisper slipping my hand into his, "He was the first guy I ever really loved and I swear if he just opens those gorgeous eyes I will never freak about him touching me ever again." I say then feel my whole face burn red realizing what I just said, what I just said to his mother, "I mean…that…that came out wrong…that came out so wrong."

"It's ok Brooke." She laughs at me, "I know he has sex. Am I all for him having it? No but he is 22 plus I knew you got pregnant." She tells me the last part with a small sad smile.

"I guess I never really thought before that it wasn't just my baby." I say with a dry laugh, "It was your grandbaby." I tell her and feel dumb not realizing it before. Though my mom has been great to me, supported me I never once thought that this was her grandbaby. This was her first grandbaby and I took him or her away from her, away from Karen.

"It was." she nodded.

"I'm sorry." I tell her, "I'm sure the last thing you wanted to hear was Lucas tell you he got his girlfriend pregnant."

"Nothing to be sorry about honey."

"It's like…" I swallow hard, "I know I am 18, I know Lucas is 22 and I know that having a baby now is just the last thing either of us needed. But do you want to know a secret?" I ask blinking away my tears.

"Sure." She smiles a smile that makes me think of my mom and wonder if that's why I feel so comfortable talking about it.

"There was a moment…" I tell her feeling the tear slip from my eye and down my cheek, "It wasn't long because I knew it was wrong but for just a short moment when I saw that I was pregnant that I wanted my baby." I confess with a small shrug, "Is that wrong?"

"Oh no sweetie." Karen tells me quickly grabbing my hand, "That baby was a part of you Brooke. Whether it was 9 months, 1 month, a week that baby was there."

"I always wanted a baby. I mean I never thought I would be the one out of everyone to get pregnant at 18. I mean I didn't have sex until I was 18." I say with a dry laugh, "Sorry I guess that was an over share huh?"

"What finding out my son's girlfriend doesn't just sleep with random people? That believe it or not makes me feel so much better." She tells with making me laugh.

"Yeah…" I smile looking over at Lucas, "He would never admit it because he knew I was losing it when I told him…but I know he was petrified. Maybe it was all for the best." I shrug reaching up and running my hand through his hair.

"I have always been a strong believer that everything happens for a reason." Karen tells me and I nod agreeing as I look at Lucas.

"Do you believe if you want something bad enough you will get it?" I ask but not looking at her.

"What you mean?"

"Like in 5 or 10 years when I am ready. When I am settled, that if I want my baby bad enough I will get him or her?"

"I think God works in mysterious ways."

"When I was 8 my little brother was born." I tell her, "I thought it was so amazingly cool to have a little brother. I mean when Kylee was born I was still really young, I was only four but when Aiden was born I don't know something in me just happened. He was my baby, he was my world. I use to remember I would beg my mom to let me stay home from school just so I could play with him all day because I wanted to be his favorite." I tell her and she laughs, "It was crazy but I had it built in my head if I hung out with him more than anyone he would need me more than anyone. But clearly I under estimated the mother child bond."

"Nothing is greater." Karen smiles looking up at Lucas and I see her whole heart breaking and that kills me.

"Yeah…" I nod with a small whisper just staring at the look on her face, "But umm…Aiden would be all for Sissy time until my mom would walk pass the room, or he would hear her voice and all I thought was I wanted that. When I got older I wanted some bond so strong, a love so strong that no matter what it was just there. Like it was crazy how something would happen to one of us and my mom just like knew. Like a feeling in her just went off saying something wasn't right."

"A mother always knows when their child is hurting. Honestly it kills us sitting back and seeing our children in pain and knowing we can't do anything to take it away." She tells me and I see her quickly wipe the tear dancing in her eye.

"He is going to be ok." I promise placing my hand on top of hers, "One thing I have learned about Lucas Scott is he one hell of a fighter. Plus he knows he has to many people counting on him not to wake up." I tell her and she nods giving me a thank you smile, "On top of that he knows I will bitch like no other if he waits to long and one thing else I have learned is he hates me fighting with him. Probably because I always win." I shrug and Karen finally lets out a laugh.

"You got a good one here Lucas." She tells him and I smile some at her, "So why not keep us waiting and wake up?"

* * *

I stand yawning as I mix me and Karen both a cup of coffee. I feel like I have been here for days when in reality it was only since 3 this morning. I even slept some with Lucas but I don't know what it is about hospitals that just drain you. Probably all the worrying and just the bland feeling of the place.

I walk over to get something to eat out of the vending machine and just study empty into the little black box until my eyes land on something that makes me smile.

_Flashback_

"_I don't care what you say they are my favorite." I tell my boyfriend as I pop a salt and vinegar chip in my mouth. For the last five minutes since I got them I have listened to him tell me how they are the worst chips ever. I personally love them._

"_Well don't care…" he shrugs as he moves around his kitchen making him something he claimed to be more appetizing, more healthy and just better, "Just don't expect any love from me tonight because I hate them."_

"_So I don't eat these chips I get love and I do and you won't kiss me or nothing?" I ask popping another chip in my mouth as I sit on the counter smirking at him._

"_Pretty much." He tells me putting his meal in the microwave and walking over placing each of his hands on the side of me and leaning on the counter._

"_Don't get to close because I plan on eating them." I tell him with a shrug. Now normally I do love the love I get from him but oh well I'll live a night without it. Plus I am more than sure he is bluffing since he knows all I have to do is kiss right below his ear and leave a little bit mark and he just agrees to whatever I say._

"_Hmm…" he grunts a little leaning up and kissing up my neck, "Least your neck doesn't taste like them." He teases as he kisses up it._

"_Right here doesn't either." I breathe out heavy tilting to my head to the side and pointing to below my ear._

"_Hmm…right here?" he mumbles up biting a little too where I pointed._

"_Yeah that definitely doesn't taste like them." I gasp out a little as he starts sucking harder and I let my hands run down his body grabbing onto the bottom of his shirt yanking it over his head._

"_I think I can get over the taste of them." He smirks pulling of my neck and lifting me up in his arms._

"_You think so?" I ask wrapping my legs tight around his waist as we make our way to the couch._

"_Yup…" he nods dropping us on down on the couch kissing me hard and deep._

"_Your food is done." I mumble against his lips as I hear the microwave beeping._

"_I'm not hungry for it anymore." He mumbles back running his hand under my shirt and pulling it up over my head and then just locking his lips back onto my neck, "Yeah…" I gasp out wrapping my legs around his body as it lies on top of me, "Don't think I want those chips anymore either."_

_Flashback Over_

"Those are my favorite." I hear behind me pulling me out of my thoughts turning around to see Keith.

"Yeah mine too." I agree typing the code into the machine watching as they drop and grabbing them.

"Care to join me?" he offers as he sits at a table coffee in hand and I nod taking a seat.

"Lucas hates them." I tell him as I sit across from him opening the bag.

"He doesn't know what's good." Keith chuckles waving his hand at it making me laugh some.

"No he definitely doesn't." I agree taking a chip then offering one to Keith which he gladly takes.

"Well thank you." he smiles popping the chip in his mouth, "So you must be beat. I mean you have been here late last night and here still you sit. Do you just really like hospitals?" he teases raising an eyebrow at me making me crack a smile.

"No I can't stand them. This is actually my second time here in less than a year and I'm kind of getting tired of people I love in this place." I tell him honestly with a dry laugh.

"The last time you were here was with Aiden right?" he questions and I look up at him confused to how he knew that, how he knew Aiden, "Lucas tells me pretty much everything." He clarifies and I just nod.

"So I guess you probably know a lot about me huh?"

"Well all the good stuff." He grins a grin that reminds me a lot of one Lucas has.

"That's good."

"I'm not so sure Lucas knows how to say bad things about you."

"I'm sure there were times he thought some." I shrug a little thinking about all the crazy crap I put us through, him through while I was trying to figure things out.

"Naw…" Keith tells me quickly waving his hand at me, "Lucas is use to woman taking forever to figure things out. Have you met his mother?" he teases making me laugh, "It took her almost 20 years to realize her feelings for me."

"Yeah Lucas told me about all that." I agree remembering the long story of Keith and Karen. How even if it took them forever to figure it out they finally did. Who knows maybe one day me and Lucas will be a Keith and Karen.

"Some people just go out and find someone and you know they are happy. They get everything right and never fight. But then there are other people who fight about everything. Seem to argue and challenge each other every step of the way but still in the end make it together. And you want to know a secret?" he asks leaning across the table like he was just going to share a secret between us and I nod leaning closer, "I think those are the best. I think if you fight it shows you still have a fire and passion in ya to push and I think it just shows how comfortable you are with the person if you tell them when they are wrong. Get mad when you want and yell and scream."

"Yeah well me and Lucas definitely do that." I tell him with a nod, "It's really funny because we will fight all day long. Really about anything, about everything and he knows how to push my buttons like no other person I know but…but at the end of the day it's like nothing is wrong. He just crawl in bed next to me wraps his arms tight around me and we go to sleep being perfectly fine the next day. I think last night was the first time I have ever left his place mad without telling him I love him." I tell him as a tears start to form again, "Even before when he was at my house or I was at his when we fought and one left even mad me or him would come over kiss the other say I love you and leave. I mean usually when I did it he would grunt at me an I love you too or something or I would roll my eyes at him but it was still said. Yet last night was the first time I didn't do it." my voice cracks my tears fall, "Keith what if I don't get to say it? I'm not mad at him anymore. I stopped being mad as soon as I crawled into bed and he wasn't next to me. If he was coming to say sorry why not just call me? Why would he leave his place? The weather was crazy! I know it was crazy I…"

"You drove in it." he finishes and I just nod, "Brooke you drove in it and look at you. Your fine, you are sitting here fine. So how was he too know that he wouldn't be? He is going to be ok." he promises placing his hand on mine.

"Why don't you hate me like Dan does?" I question.

"Dan is an ass. Ignore anything he might say." He tells me and I just nod, "Brooke…don't let what some man that didn't claim his son until he was grown make you feel bad. I'm pretty sure the last thing Lucas wants is for you to feel bad."

"I know." I agree eating a few more of my chips as Keith's phone goes off.

"It's a text from Karen…" he tells me as he looks at the front screen and I feel my heart racing wondering why she would text Keith.

"Is everything ok?" I freak as the concerned look on his face curves into a smile.

"Yeah." He nods shutting his phone, "He's awake."

* * *

**So review please. I know ya'll probably weren't really thinking it was going to go like that but I don't know just went with it. Also sadly Diary is going to be coming to an end soon. I'm thinking only a few more chapters not really sure but not too many more.**

**However I love this Brucas I don't know why but I do and I really love writing them. Yet I have talked to a friend and my amazing little sister and MIGHT do a sequel. The sequel would be Brooke going through college and Lucas starting work and everything that goes with that. The struggles of Lucas having a girlfriend in college since he is already over the college life and Brooke just trying to enjoy life with things all in between.**

**The plot it pretty much planned out so it wouldn't be one of those dragging on not sure what I am doing stuff yet I want your thoughts on it. **

**It would be the same Lucas and Brooke and writing the only major diffence is Lucas's POV would be thrown in there some to give a whole new twist to the story.**

**I respect all of you so just PM me or review if you would like a sequel because as of now I am thinking yes because the ideas are going crazy in my head and I really really am not ready for the end of this Brucas yet so just let me know :D**


	34. Chapter 34

I'm nervous again. I'm scared to see him and I don't know why. Keith went up a little before me because I lied saying I had to go to the bathroom when in reality I just needed to think. I hope he isn't mad at me. I mean I don't know why he would be I didn't do anything but still I hope he doesn't blame me for being in the hospital.

I'm outside his door and I smile some when I hear him laugh. That a good sign least he is laughing. I run my hand through my hair and stand a few more seconds before opening the door and walking in. Everyone is just kind of staring at me. Nathan is here, Karen, Keith, Hales and then Felix. I don't know what to say so I just stand awkwardly by the door. Even awake he looks not ok. His eyes though open still look tired, he still has his cuts and his face is still pale, yet he is smiling. He is smiling right at me so that's a good sign again.

"Hey Pretty Girl." His weak voice says to me and I just give a small smile but keeping my spot by the door.

"Why don't we give ya'll a few minutes alone." Karen suggests and everyone nods but Lucas still keeps his eyes locked on me. He is trying to read me, I know he is he has that face and honestly I don't know what he is reading. Part of me is still hurt by what he said, I know he didn't mean to but still it still hurts. Yet then the other part of me is just so scared he wasn't going to be ok it almost stomps out the hurt feeling.

Karen kisses Lucas on the head telling him she loved him followed by everyone else as they filed one by one out of the room.

"Love you sweetie." Haley pauses giving me a hug, "Call me later." She tells me and I just nod as she walks out leaving just me and Lucas. Its quiet, the whole room is silent just him looking at me, me looking at him and me just standing on the other side of the room.

"You going to come over here?" Lucas ask sliding on the bed but I just quickly shake my head no, "So you're just going to make me sit on this big oh so comfortable bed alone?" He jokes but I again just stand frozen, "Brooke…" He frowns a little and I feel a tear once again fall, "Pretty Girl don't cry."

"I wanted to be so mad at you." I finally say, "I wanted to real bad." My voice cracks as my bottom lip quivers.

"I know." He agrees.

"It wasn't fair for you to say that too me." I tell him as a few more tears escape, "But as mad as I want to be at you I just can't stop this pain inside of me I felt by losing you." I cry.

"You didn't though. Look at me I'm fine; I'm going to be fine. I promised you I was not going anywhere." He tries to tell me but I just keep shaking my head at him.

"You can't promise that." I mumble not looking at him.

"I just did. I promise you that I wasn't going anywhere. I promised that I was never going to leave you." He keeps telling me but I just keep shaking my head no, "I promise I am not going anywhere."

"You can't keep making promises to me that you aren't in control of keeping Lucas!" I yell at him spinning away from him to look out the window as tears come faster.

"Brooke come here." He tells me but I just stand still shaking my head, "Baby either you are coming over here or I am coming over to you so you pick." He tells me and I just spin around looking him almost challenging him to move, "Fine." He shrugs throwing his sheets back and sitting up to move.

"Lucas what are you doing?" I freak running back over and covering him back up, "God your mom will freak if you get out of the bed!"

"It got you over here didn't it." He smirks at me and I just shake my head at him as he takes my hand pulling me next to him on the bed, "Brooke I love you so much that promise I can definitely keep."

"Why didn't you just call me?" I whisper running my finger over his cut and he just grabs my hand pulling it away trying to get me to focus on his eyes not his cuts.

"Because I messed up and I needed to see you. A phone call wouldn't have fixed what I did." He tells me and I nod agreeing, "You mean everything to me Pretty Girl. You have to know I would never say something that would hurt you."

"You did." My voice cracks as I give a small shrug.

"I'm so sorry." He says and I again nod knowing he is.

"Last night was the first time I left your house mad and didn't say I love you." I tell him as I pick at a string on the bed, "Remind me to never do that again."

"Remind me to not let you leave the next time." He tells me and I fall with my head on his chest as more tears come.

"I love you so much." I cry on his chest as he kisses the top of my head.

"I love you too Pretty Girl." He pulls me close as we fall into a silence. The quietness is peaceful and for a second I feel like we are back in his apartment in bed together yet the beeping machines and coldness I feel is not like his apartment. The only good thing about right now, well other than him being ok, is the warm feeling of being in his arms.

"I met your mom." I tell him snuggling close.

"I know she really likes you." He says making me smile.

Yet then I frown thinking about what Dan said, "Your dad didn't like me."

"Keith?"

"No, Dan." I tell him quickly because Keith seemed to like me. I mean we talked a lot and he was sweet and nice and caring and would I be stupid to think he liked me? No I think he really liked me.

"He's an ass." He says sounding just like Keith making me laugh.

"You sound just like him." I chuckle playing with his bed sheet that is around him.

"Dan?"

"No." I laugh again, "Keith." I clarify and he laughs kissing the top of my head as we fall into silence again, "Luke I need you to talk to me." I sit up on his bed too look at him, "I know you don't do it. I know you hate talking about yourself but I need you to tell me what is wrong; tell me what you feel." I beg needing him to open up.

"Brooke…" He sighs shaking his head, "Everything is in the past. Why bring it all up? I don't want to hurt you."

"You are hurting me by not talking to me." I place my hand on his stroking his cuts gently, "You were right to say we are sinking Luke. I hate it and it hurts but god we are fading and I feel like I am losing you and I need you to talk to me. God please just talk to me." I plead as he rests his head against the bed with his eyes closed, "For once just let me know what you are feeling. Tell me what happened."

"I…" He starts opening his eyes to look at me pinching the bridge of his nose as he thinks, "I tell you I love you and I do; god I love you so much. I love how you ramble and how you talk in complete circles that make sense even if it's just to me, how you growl at me when I talk and how you worry about your family. Your little corks and mess ups with your miss talks and how frustrated you get when you can't get out what you're trying to say, everything about you I love." He tells me then looking down at my hand rubbing his finger tips across my nails, "But in an extremely selfish way I love you so much more for not having a past." He confesses and I look at him completely confused.

"What do you mean?"

"That there aren't secrets from your past that just pop up or guys or anything I would have to ever worry about. I know that's bad and wrong of me to think but I like that. Yet I do have stuff. I have stuff and girls, and nights I really don't remember much of and I hate that; I hate the look on your face when that happens."

"It's ok." I shrug a little, "It's not like at 18 I thought I was going to find a guy who was a saint."

"I know but I still hate it. Like with Aislinn being here or Janice…Lindsey." I freeze a little at the last just offering a nod, "I grew up here Brooke. I didn't know you or hang out with you or your friends but I did and I have hung out with Nathan's friends who you know and yeah like with Janice I would drink I would do dumb stuff and now it's like a reminder of how dumb I use to be. I see you and I see how you act and I was your age when I did half the crap I did and I think what was wrong with me? Here you are perfect and waited for everything, waited until it was right and god I just wasn't like you."

"I wouldn't want you like me. I wouldn't want you anyway but how you are Lucas. I love you for who and what you have done and been. Nothing about your past matters to me I swear. I know I act like it but it doesn't."

"Brooke…" He shakes his head as I sit up on the bed to look at him.

"Luke you are who you are because of your past. The person I fell in love with was made because of that and I don't hate you for it, I don't feel hurt or anything I just need you to let me in." I beg, "I want you to not keep things from me, I want you to just talk to me about what you are feeling for once."

"I know that and I know you hate that I don't open up to you but it's not you Brooke; it has nothing to do with you. I just…I just want to protect you. I want to protect you from pain or anything. I never want to be the person to hurt you."

"God Lucas don't you see how hard this is for me?" I ask moving from his bed running my hand through my hair, "I feel like I am on this pedestal you have put me on and god I shouldn't be there."

"Brooke…"

"No Lucas it's true." I cut him off, "I just… I feel like you think so much of me. That I am some gift to the world and I'm not; I'm so far from it. Yet I feel like I can't mess up ever. That I move the wrong way, I say the wrong thing or think too much about something and you will get disappointed in me or something. Luke I'm not perfect, I'm never going to be perfect."

"But you are perfect for me; that is what you don't get. I know you aren't perfect; I know ok. I know you mess up and even if it's not bad I know you do and I don't mean to have you up high where you think you might fall but that is not what I am saying here. Your past is filled with jackasses who you cared about and car accidents and late nights with friends that end with you being in bed alone every night; mine aren't like that. God mine aren't even close and mine will shine me in a light that you won't like. A light like guys I know that you hate, guys like Felix and I hate that."

"But you changed!" I move back across the room sitting next to him and taking his hand in mine, "Lucas you have no clue how much I love you, you don't realize the fear I felt when Nathan called me. I don't care about it ok. Felix I hate alright you are right I don't like him and if you were like that I don't care. You are different now, you grew up, matured, you became someone who I fell in love with."

"I just…"

"Don't protect me Lucas." I interrupt, "You can't protect me from pain because you have no control over that but you can protect me from the feeling growing inside of me that is screaming my boyfriend doesn't love me, or he doesn't trust me or something because he never talks to me. That we have been dating for months, been through so much and we have lost a baby…" My voice cracks but I shake it off quickly, "Yet he never found the time to tell me he dated a girl who got pregnant with his baby." I throw my hands up exhausted as he slams his head back against his pillow, clearly just as tired.

"It wasn't anything serious." He finally breaks the silence and I look at him like he is nuts about that statement until he continues, "Lindsey and I. She was the head cheerleader, student body president, won homecoming Queen and Prom Queen, and we dated." He lets out a dry laugh and the whole time he explains her I don't get how I got him being as her and I are so different, "It was one of those we were together because it felt like we were supposed to be you know? Like we just let the lame ass high school rules take over our lives and did how it was supposed to. I tried so hard to love her, I swear I did but it just wasn't there, it was like she was my best friend and I cared about her like I care about my best friend but it was never like how I felt for Aislinn and it was not even close to what I feel for you." He explains and I place my hand on his nodding for him to continue.

"When she told me she was pregnant I was scared, I was so petrified but I was going to be there because it wasn't a mistake or anything. To me it was a part of life, a path that was going to lead me to who I am, who I was supposed to be and though I wasn't exactly happy, I wasn't unhappy. I just thought I was going to have a baby, little boy or girl and though it wasn't how I thought my life was going to go I accepted it." He says and I see how hurt washes over him, "We were just sitting there…" He looks past me at the wall furrowing his brow as he talks, "It was lunch and she just turned to me and said it was gone. That she had gone to the doctor and everything was going back to normal and all I thought was she never even talked to me about it. How were we supposed to go back to normal when the girl who I was supposed to trust just goes off and does something like that without talking to me, without asking my thoughts or opinion or anything? She just…she just did it."

"Luke…"

"That's why I just jumped on you that night Brooke. I wasn't mad or relieved or anything all I thought was that the girl I trust so much, the girl I love with everything in me just did it again. She didn't even think to ask me what I thought or wanted because I swear Brooke, I swear with everything in me that I would have been there. I would have loved you and that baby."

"I know…" I nod looking down playing with his hand.

"Brooke I never meant to hurt you." He whispers turning my head to look at him, "Last night I shouldn't have said that. I don't know why it came out or why I said it but I would never hurt you like that."

"It's ok." I shrug resting my head on his chest as he holds me close, "I know you would never do anything to hurt me on purpose."

"We're going to get back Pretty Girl." He says running his hand slowly up and down my back, "I promise we will get back to how things were, how we were." He promises kissing the top of my head as we start to drift off but I still can't help it. Even though we have talked and he was honest with me, I still feel it. I still feel like we are sinking.

* * *

**Everyone's reviews through this story have been fantastic and I hope to keep them up because that means you are all enjoying my story and if you are enjoying it makes writing that much easier!**

**So please review :D**


	35. Chapter 35

"_You don't have to come." _Lucas tells me for about the millionth time. "_If you aren't feeling well stay home. It's not like I can play, I am just going to sit there,_" He growls while I hear him moving around his apartment.

"Lucas I feel fine." I get a little snippy with him. I'm so tired of him thinking I am not, "I want to go ok?" I look in the mirror at my outfit making sure it looks alright.

"_Yeah well you will probably be bored, but whatever if you want to go fine. I'll be there in a bit. Bye._" He hangs up after I mumble a bye and I just chose to ignore his irritated tone. I get he is frustrated he can't play today, but it's so annoying. He plays down at the River Court with his friends every week and this week he can't play, but I mean it's just a stupid basketball game. Yet his stupid basketball game is just one more thing we are arguing about, but whatever.

We are trying to get back to normal but I'll admit it's hard. We are fighting about everything still. I still won't let him really touch me, which is making him extremely sexually frustrated. Could someone explain to me why a guy turns into a huge ass when he goes awhile without having sex? I would be extremely happy. Then add on that his shoulder is hurting and he is pissy because hospital bills are coming in that he can't pay for. My heart is breaking inside because of everything. With all of this you can see why we are having such a great ride and time together.

Catch the sarcasm.

* * *

"Sorry." Lucas apologizes as we walk towards the court. The car ride here, just like I thought, was so tense and seemed so forced for conversation that after awhile we both became silent. It's like we don't know how to talk to each other anymore. We're not sure what to say or what we can say that won't start an argument so we just choose not to talk at all.

"It's fine." I lie running my hands through my hair.

"No…" He shakes his head stopping us and turning me to look at him. "It's not and I know it's not, I'm sorry alright? I'm not mad at you, my shoulder is just pissing me off." He tells me and I know this so that's why I don't say anything.

"I know it is." I focus on his sling, taking my hand and fixing the twisted strap, "I'm sorry, it's my fault you are like this."

"No its not." He lifts my chin to look at him. "What happened to me was my fault. Nothing had to do with you and nothing happened because of you." He once again tells me and though I disagree I chose not to say anything, just play with his sling, "We're going to be ok Brooke."

"How can you be so sure?" I look up at him and all but see his answer in his eyes.

"Because I love you too much to let it go that easy." He brushes my hair back, "It's just that we are just having an off day…well more like an off few weeks."

"Lucas that sounds terrible," I frown leaning my head against his chest.

"It's going to be ok." He promises wrapping his unhurt arm around me, "We are going to figure it out and we will get back." He drops a kiss on my head.

"How are you so sure?" I ask again pulling my head off to look at him, "How are you so sure everything will go back to how it was?"

"Do you still love me?" He asks almost scaring me by it and definitely catching me off guard. "Brooke, do you love me?" He repeats brushing my hair back yet so relaxed by it.

"Of course I love you, god don't ever question that." I tell him quickly almost afraid he forgot.

"No I'm not, I'm not." He shakes his head giving me a smile, making me even more confused. "It's just the day when you have to think about that, wonder if you do or what your answer is, if you're not sure, that is the day we have to worry. That is the day we have a problem."

"I don't want to get to that point Lucas. I don't want to get to a place where you aren't sure what you feel for me anymore."

"We are going to get better." He promises again dropping a kiss to my forehead before leaning his head against mine, "I promise."

"I believe you." I agree hesitantly pushing my lips against his. It's our first real kiss since the whole fight thing. It just hurts that everything about it seems forced and when he goes to deepen it I can't help but jerk away from him quickly. "I'm sorry." I apologize leaning my forehead against his chest, "I'm sorry."

"It's ok." He kisses the top of my head, "I understand." He tells me and I nod against his chest. "Let's go watch the game." He slips his hand into mine as we slowly walk over to the court where some of his friends are.

"Brookie!" I hear a familiar voice yell, looking up seeing Nathan jogging over to us. "How are you?" He pulls me into a hug, and I can't help but love this guy, sweat covered and all.

"I'm ok. How are you?" I ask pulling out of the hug.

"I'm pretty great, but I have things to discuss with you later." He winks at me.

"More crap about me?" Lucas questions, still clearly annoyed Nathan told me about Lindsey.

"Lucas…" I give him a little of a warning tone and he just rolls his eyes at me, mumbling a 'whatever'.

"Luke man I told you sorry about that ok?" Nathan apologizes clearly feeling guilty about telling me, yet I am not at all mad at him. I begged him to tell me, I needed him to tell me and I am glad he did because otherwise I would have never found out.

"Yeah well let's just not tell things about me to _my_ girlfriend anymore ok?" Lucas snaps at him, seriously pissing me off.

"Lucas stop ok, I asked him, it was all me, not him so just quit," I order. I really can't believe the disbelief look he gives me, like I should be defending him, siding with him.

"Seriously Brooke?" He raises his brow and I know he is put off with me, but I am standing my ground. I am not going to just team up on Nathan for something I did.

"Guys stop seriously it's not that big of a deal. Luke I'm sorry I told her alright." Nathan jumps in, "It was my fault, I take blame."

"No, you aren't taking blame." I protest crossing my arms over my chest, "It wasn't Nathan's fault so stop."

"Whatever Brooke." Lucas shakes his head, "Just…whatever." He walks off leaving Nathan and me standing there.

"Brooke just let me take the blame." Nathan pleads, "I know how Lucas is and I know how you are, and you both are just so damn stubborn so let me take this one."

"No Nathan." I disagree completely with that, "This was my fault alright. I begged you to tell me, and you did. I am glad you did because it's my fault. So just…just stop alright." I order giving him the look he knows all too well and knows not to fight with me on.

"Alright." Nathan gives up wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

"Now come on I haven't seen you play a game in awhile now." I laugh trying to lighten the mood as we walk over to the guys and Lucas.

"Have you met the guys before?" He questions and I look up scanning the court.

"Umm…Mouth, but only because of school and that one time I came here with Lucas, Skills was here, and of course I know Jake and Tim." I tell him not really knowing the other two guys over here.

"Oh well the other two are pretty harmless. The only one who might annoy you is Tim but you can handle Tim." He chuckles.

"That I can." I agree with a laugh as we walk up to them.

"Oh look the two best friends." Lucas's sarcasm is dripping over everything as the other guys turn to look at us and I just send him a glare.

"Hey B." Jake smiles giving me a hug, "Haven't seen you in while. How you been?" He asks dropping his gaze to my stomach.

"I'm fine." I smile because, again, I am fine. I just want people to stop asking. I know they mean well but it's getting to be too much now.

"That's good."

"Yup but hey Skills." I wave as he flashes me a smile saying hello, "And Mouth haven't seen you since graduation." I say to the quiet boy sitting on the picnic table next to my boyfriend.

"Hey Brooke." He nervously smiles giving me a wave and he is cute. In high school he was just the shy, quiet kid in the back, yet he was always such a sweetheart.

"I'm Brooke." I stick my hand out to the other people I don't know.

"Oh umm Junk and this is Fergie." He shakes my hand, I toss a glance at Nathan wondering if that is their real name and I know he catches it since he just laughs shaking his head.

"Brookie Cookie." Tim grins, wrapping his arm around my shoulder making me tense a little, "Have you decided to leave Luke over here and finally get with the Tim?"

"I think she had enough time to get with you when I wasn't around Tim." Lucas growls, grabbing my hand yanking me into him as he sits on the picnic table.

"He was just kidding Lucas." I wiggle a little in his lap, uncomfortable with his grip on me. He has been like this since his accident. He is pissy with everyone, but a few times he is alright with me and then he gets crazy jealous with anyone being near me. Almost like in his head if he doesn't get to touch me then no one is going to touch me.

"And now we defend Tim." He stands up, forcing me to stand from his lap.

"Luke…" Nathan gives him a warning tone noticing his whole attitude. It's really starting to irritate me.

"Why don't we play?" Jake grabs the ball tossing it from hand to hand, "Come on guys." He starts moving to the court everyone slowly following, "Nate!" He calls, Nathan tossing a glance at me standing there embarrassed.

"Don't be a dick Luke." Is all he says before walking off leaving just Lucas, Mouth and me at the picnic table.

It's quiet, it's awkward and I feel so bad for Mouth who is clearly uncomfortable with how much tension is between Lucas and I.

"Brooke…" Lucas sighs next to me but I shake my head before he says it.

"Luke, honestly if sorry is about to come out of your mouth I don't want to hear it." I stand up truly not wanting to hear it, "Because your 'I'm sorrys' are becoming more and more frequent and really losing all the meaning." I tell him pushing off the table and walking away from him, standing on the edge of the river, the wind sending a shiver all over my body.

"I don't need it." I shrug off the jacket that he drapes over my shoulders.

"You don't need it or you don't want it?" He asks I just stand still arms crossed over my chest not looking at him, "Well then forget its mine and just use it." He places it back on my shoulders and although I don't want to I still slip my arms through the sleeves pulling it around me.

"I'm tired Lucas." I tell him as he stands next to me.

"I can take you home if you want." He offers and I can't help let out a dry laugh.

"Not like that Lucas." I cut my eyes over at him, his eyes focused on the ground.

"I know." He sighs letting out a long breath.

"I just…I don't get what you want from me anymore." I tell him dropping my arms to my side when I turn to look at him.

"What? What do you mean you don't know what I want from you?" Hurt spreads across his whole body when he looks at me.

"I just don't understand Lucas. One minute you are saying how much you love me, how much you need me in your life, and the next you are picking fights for no reason. I swear relationships aren't supposed to be this hard." I admit I get a little snippy but I can't help it, I am just going nuts right now.

"How would you know Brooke?" His defensiveness pops up all around him and I just want to scream, "It's not like your list of relationship is very long." He throws his attitude right back at me and I'm done.

"God damn it Lucas!" I yell throwing my hands up, "Just leave me alone ok. You go do whatever you want to do, I don't care!" I spin on my heels walking away from him.

"Damn it Brooke, stop walking away!" He follows behind me grabbing my arm to face him, "All you do is fight and run! Every damn time!"

"Then stop saying stupid shit that makes me want to get away from you!" I yell seeing everyone on the court stop to look at us. Great, just great, like we need an audience to us fighting…Again!

"I swear Brooke it's not fair. You can be upset about whatever you want. Pissed, hurt, happy. God you can go through every damn emotion you want in a week, but I have one moment, one god damn moment, of being pissed about something that is pretty damn legit and you walk away!"

"Then be mad!" I yell my voice cracking as tears start to form, "I get it Lucas ok. I get that you are hurt and that you have stuff going on and you are so unbelievably stressed, so maybe…"

"No!" Lucas yells making me flinch, "I know what you are going to say and that won't fix this Brooke." He moves closer to me as I pull in a long, shaky breath, "We just have to figure everything out." He brushes my hair behind my ear, wiping the tear that slipped out the corner of my eye, "Pretty Girl when things get tough you can't just go straight to breaking up with me." He lets out a dry laugh.

"Well I don't know what else to do." I shrug, "You are so moody, changing everything. One minute you're fine then next you fly off the handle. Unless I am running away from you, then you are all fine with fighting and I don't know what to do anymore."

"Baby, come on stop. I'm sorry." He begs and I just can't handle this right now, his mood swings, his changing on thinking, the fighting, and the crying. I just need to get away from all this.

"I don't know what to do anymore Lucas." I am just so exhausted and I can't figure it all out.

"Brooke…"

"I love you." I whisper when I lean up pushing a kiss against his cheek, "I do." I promise pulling back looking at him through my blurry eyes and walking away.

* * *

_Midnight. One. Two. I'm still awake. My mind is racing through everything that is Lucas and I can't stop. What is wrong with us? Why are we fighting so much? Why can't we ever see eye to eye? And why does he only decide to tell me everything he is thinking and feeling when I am about to leave? None of this makes __sense__ to me anymore!_

_I'm not meaning to push him away, but I know I am. I may be able to tell him that, tell everyone I'm not but I can't lie about it. I know I am pushing and I know sooner or later he is going to give up. Yet honestly between me and you dear diary, I am almost waiting for it. _

_I don't know why ok? I want to be with him, I do, it's just in the last year I have felt so much pain and a part of me wonders if it's all because of Lucas. Not purposely, never would he on purpose cause me pain, but he has and it hurts. This is the most pain I have experienced in my whole life and all the pain has one common factor…Lucas._

_But I still love him._

I love him so much and I don't get it. I don't understand why we have so many problems! Maybe we aren't supposed to be, maybe that is what is wrong, and that is what's causing us so much trouble because we are fighting for something that the world is telling us is useless.

_God I just feel useless._

_Maybe we just need time apart. We are together 24/7 without fail. We are always connected at the hip and if we aren't physically together we are texting, talking on the phone, and if that isn't happening I am talking about him, thinking about him. I don't remember the last time I was with my friends, just me and them, without Lucas around and I know he thinks the same._

_It's just so frustrating and I don't know what to do anymore!_

I toss on my bed curling against my pillow finding it so cold. I have grown so used to his warm body next to me that I can't handle that fact I have gone almost a week without feeling him next to me. He hasn't text me since I left the River Court, not a call, not a text, not anything. All that has happened is Nathan texted asking if I was home and I said yes, and honestly I know he text because Lucas wasn't sure if he should or not.

I hear thunder and it makes my body quiver, yet it's not raining. There are just loud booms of thunder with the occasional lighting up of the sky with heat lightening. My body tenses up slightly at the sound of my window sliding open, but only a little since I know who it is.

Only one person enters from there and only one person would ever come in this late at night.

The window closes back, his heavy footsteps move through the room as he kicks off his shoes. He pulls his shirt off and from the moon light I see him slowly and painfully pull his sling off, tossing it on the floor before lifting the covers crawling in bed with me. I feel the smooth feeling of his gym pants against my bare legs that are only covered in my short pajama pants. I feel as he curls up beside me, careful not to put his arm too close for the fear he knows I might freak. Yet I want to feel his arms around me; I miss feeling his arms around me. Reaching behind me I search for his hand, finding it, and wrapping it around my waist as he wiggles closer.

"You promised not to leave mad anymore." He whispers through the dark room kissing the back of my head.

"You promised to not let me do it anymore." I whisper back feeling as his hand that is around my waist strokes slowly along my stomach.

"I know." He agrees burring his face in the back of my neck, kissing my shoulder, "You not being in my life doesn't work for me."

"It doesn't work for me either." My voice cracks as I flip over, burring my face in his neck as he wraps his arms tight around me, "It doesn't work for me at all."

"I don't know how to work without you in my life Brooke; it's like I don't function right. My mind races and nothing seems to go right; nothing seems to make anything better because all I want is you with me."

"I want to be with you Lucas. I just don't know what is wrong with us and since I can't figure that out I can't figure out how to fix it." A tear slips from my eye as he holds me tighter.

"I don't mean to keep hurting you Brooke." He catches me off guard saying.

"You don't." I tell him quickly, "You don't hurt me." I promise seeing him fidget, his shoulder clearly hurting him. "Luke your arm." I go to pull away from him knowing it is hurting him and him having it around me isn't going to make it better.

"No stop." He tightens his grip around me so I can't move. "It doesn't hurt." He lies, kissing the top of my head. I know he is lying, I can feel his arm trembling around me but I stay still. "I have to fix us Brooke. And I swear I am trying so hard to do that."

"Like you said we are having some off weeks." I repeat his statement from before still hating how that sounds.

"Yeah." He mumbles kissing my head, dipping his head to kiss my forehead, my cheek, until reaching my lips. His kiss is desperate; I can feel by the way he is trying so hard to make it feel like our past ones but it is different. There is hesitation on my side and fear of losing me on his and it just feels almost forced, "We're going to figure everything out." He promises against my lips before slipping his tongue in my mouth. I place my hand on his jaw pulling myself up his body as I push my lips harder against his.

His slow movement to flip us over is making my heart race. His hand slowly running down my side grabbing onto my hip makes me tremble, and when I feel his hand start to undo the tie on my shorts I force myself to be ok with it. I let myself know I am losing him. He is fading fast away from me and I need to do something, anything not to lose him.

Yet then he stops; his head drops above my shoulder. His hand makes a fist slamming in the bed next to me as I flinch and all of a sudden my boyfriend is either pissed, upset or something I can't figure out. I really have no clue.

"Luke…" I grab his chin turning his head to look at me, "God Luke what's wrong?" I freak seeing his eyes glazed over; I have never seen that before.

"I don't treat you right anymore Brooke. I don't know what I am doing anymore. I'm just so…so pissed off about everything!" He runs his hand over his face.

"Lucas what are you talking about? You have always treated me great." I object to that statement because no one has ever treated me how he has, "You are always amazing to me." I cup his face looking him straight in the eyes.

"Not lately. Lately I have just been such an ass, fighting with you about everything, getting mad about nothing. I swear you don't want me touching you and here I am trying again, like us sleeping together will just magically make everything ok again. What is wrong with me?" He sits up on the edge of my bed.

"Nothing, nothing is wrong with you Lucas." I sit up wrapping my arms around his waist, resting my chin on his shoulder, "I was ok just now, I wasn't stopping you." I tell him leaving out the fact I might have been thinking about it, but I wasn't going to if that was what he wanted.

"Brooke…" He shakes his head with a dry laugh, "You were shaking." He turns his head to look at me, "Your heart was racing, your whole body was trembling and the messed up part is you weren't going to stop me."

"I…I don't know what you want me to say." I whisper to him.

"I want you to tell me that you would never sleep with me if you were uncomfortable; that you would stop me if you weren't completely comfortable." He orders me to tell him but I can't. I can't lie to him because he always knows, and I don't want to admit he is right because I'm not sure what he will say, so I just pull my sheet close against my chest just staring at my dark brown comforter, "I'm an ass." He stands up from my bed running his hand through his hair.

"Fine but why is that bad?" I question making him spin around to look at me, "Why does me wanting to make you happy again such a bad thing? You are my boyfriend who is trying so hard here and I just want to make you happy again alright!" I throw my hands up, slapping them back down on my bed.

"Sex for you Brooke is not just sex!" He tells me like I am dumb not knowing my own thoughts on the subject, "I knew that the first time I saw you, I accepted that, I never pushed it and honestly…honestly I loved that about you." I see the smile twitching on the corner of his lips. "The fact I knew you wouldn't sleep with me, do anything until you knew you cared made me feel good. Made me know how comfortable you were and what you felt was real because you would never just sleep with someone, with me unless you knew it was real."

"It is still real Lucas." I move across my bed, sitting on my knees in front of him as he stands by my bed, "That is why I want to because I love you."

"Brooke, I never want a time when you are with me because you are worried about me." He tells me but it wasn't like that; it's not like that, well not really, "I'm losing you." And I think I just saw him shatter, "Your gone Brooke…God you are so gone that I feel like I can't see you anymore."

"Lucas no…no that's not true." I take his face in my hands, my head leaning against his, "I'm right here. Right here with you."

"I'm just so tired Brooke and I will start fighting with you and then all of a sudden I see on your face how you are about to just give up on us and I try to jump back; I try to fix what I have done but I can't do it anymore."

"Lucas what are you saying? Are…are you going to break up with me?" My voice cracks and tears once again form, "I was not serious at the River Court, I didn't mean it. I was just upset we kept fighting, but I didn't mean I wanted to break up for good…forever."

"No, no, I'm not." He moves taking my face in his hands, "God baby I'm not, that's not what I am doing." He tells me quickly, leaning his forehead against mine, "I'm not."

"Then what are you doing?"

"A day apart, or a weekend apart. I don't know, not forever, just a few days for us both to think. To calm down, away from each other." He suggests but I don't know how I feel about that. Yeah earlier I thought it but to actually hear him say it out loud, I don't like it.

"No." I shake my head disagreeing with him and crawling away from him back into my bed, "I don't want to do that."

"Brooke…" He sighs climbing up my bed next to me, "Pretty Girl, come on look at me." He pulls my shoulder but I just jerk away from him, staying on my side not wanting to. "Brooke it's just a time apart, a night." He kisses my shoulder.

"Are you looking for a way out?" I ask still not looking at him.

"What?"

"A way out, a way of breaking up with me without actually saying it, because if you are then just do it!" I snap sitting up on my bed to get away from him.

"Stop Brooke!" He wraps his arms around my waist pulling me back into him.

"Let me go!" I wiggle in his arms.

"Brooke…" He growls, rolling me on my back and rolling on top of me, "Stop ok! Just listen to what I am trying to say."

"You promised me Lucas! You promised not to leave me." My voice breaks in the sentence.

"I'm not!" He yells as I let out a sob, "I'm not leaving you," he tells me. "Brooke you mean everything to me and I told you I am not giving you up that easy."

"You seem to be giving me up."

"Pretty Girl everything seems to be such a mess with us and that kills me. I am trying to fix things and we need to just breathe."

"Away from each other." I whisper still not liking it.

"Brooke…" He frowns dropping his head, "This is not the end ok. This is that we are at each other's throats on everything, no matter what we are fighting. It may be because we are together all the time. 24/7 we are together and right now we are both feeling so much, we are both mad, we don't talk about that and I get most of that is on me. Most of that is my fault, but Brooke I feel like I can't breathe and I know you can't either."

"I breathe just fine as long as I am with you."

"Brooke…"

"I may have not had a long list of relationships like you so nicely pointed out to me earlier…" I hiss a little at him, him closing his eyes shaking his head, "But this sounds like a break up."

"I didn't mean to say that earlier Brooke."

"Well you did." I shove him off me again, sitting up on my bed.

"Damn it Brooke this is what I'm talking about!" He throws his hands up again, "We are fighting again! We are picking little things from each other to argue about and it's because we have so much shit building up that we are about to explode."

"Then talk to me! If you are about to explode tell me what you are feeling!" I yell because that makes more sense to me. We don't need a break; we don't need anything but for him to tell me what he is feeling.

"I can't because I don't know ok!" He yells running his hands through his hair, "I want to Brooke, but I just don't know what I am feeling, thinking or anything. That is why I need time alright. I just need time to figure it all out because I am so afraid if I don't then that will be the end of us. If I can't figure out what the hell is going on with me how I am I supposed to be able to fix us?"

"Luke…"

"I know I am the major problem with us right now Brooke ok. I know that. I know the fact I am not opening up to you about everything is killing you, but I can't open up to you when I have no idea what I am feeling!" He drops his head looking at the ground and I feel bad. He looks so exhausted.

"Ok…" I cave seeing the pain run across all over him as he lifts his head to look at me, "Just…" I move back over pulling myself in his lap, "Just figure out what you are feeling. Take a day, or a weekend to just think and figure everything out. Maybe…Maybe I'll just go out with Haley and Rachel. We haven't hung out in awhile." I admit and I really do miss them.

"I just need to figure out what I am feeling Brooke. It's not that I am questioning if I love you because I am not; there is no doubt that I love you ok and I am not leaving you." He makes himself more than clear brushing my hair back, "I can't fix what is wrong and explain everything to you when I am not even sure."

"I understand." I blink a few times and yes I understand, but that doesn't mean I like it. "I do. I love you." A tear slips down my cheek as my bottom lip trembles.

"Oh god baby girl, I love you too." He kisses me holding onto my face, "I love you so much and that is not going to change."

"I know." I wrap my arms right around him, him holding me close, "Will you stay with me tonight though?" I ask sniffling, "Please just stay with me tonight and hold me?"

"Yeah." He kisses the side of my head, leaning back and pulling back my sheets. "Night Pretty Girl," he whispers in the night holding me close.

His arms are tight around me and I once again feel safe. I snuggle up against him, lacing my fingers through his as they rest on my stomach. The tear slips out of my eye but I know Lucas can't see it and through the dark night I just whisper back, "Night Boyfriend."

* * *

**I know you are all probably frustrated with me. You are screaming at me to fix your Brucas and I am I promise! I just feel with everything it makes since that they are going through a rough patch but I promise it won't last long just a chapter or so..So keep the faith.**

**Thank you Laurie for reading over this chapter ahead for me and giving me feedback and fixing anything. You are truly the best : )**

**Well I gave you a chapter so you my loves know what I want back;**

**Reviews!**


	36. Chapter 36

"Brooke we are going to have fun," Haley says. I got to Haley's house about twenty minutes ago to get ready, yet I was already ready. I honestly just came early because I hoped Lucas would be here.

He wasn't.

"I know I'm just tired. I didn't sleep too well last night, but I'll be better in a bit," I force a smile watching her get ready. I wasn't lying just then. I didn't sleep too well because I was dreading the next few days. Of course Lucas's held me the whole night, he kept kissing my shoulder and the back of my head, saying over and over how much he loved me. I get what is happening. I know he needs time to process everything going on, but why can't he spend that time with me? I mean yeah, a part of me wants the time apart because I do want to think. I need to think about everything I am feeling inside but at the same time it scares me. Time apart scares me because I feel like it's just the stage before us ending.

"Well I will be done in just a second and we will go get Rachel and Peyton," Haley pulls me away from my thinking and I nod.

I wonder if I could get away with texting him. I get we are needing space or whatever but I haven't seen him since this morning, early this morning, when he crawled out of bed; I was still in a sleeping state, he whispered he loved me, kissed me on the head and left.

Not my favorite of all our goodbyes.

"Hales!" Nathan's voice rings through the small house and I perk up at that. "Haley where you at?"

"I'll umm…I'll be right back," Haley jumps up from the mirror and out the door. I can tell she is worried that Lucas might be with him and because of that I stand up to follow. "Nate I'm trying to get ready. I do not want your sweaty body on me," she laughs as I round the corner seeing Nathan trying to hug her.

"I'm not that sweaty," he protests, giving up on the hug and just giving her a kiss.

"Why are you here?" Haley asks and I peer in the room seeing Nathan getting a water from the fridge; I freeze in my spot when he tosses it across the counter.

"Hales, you know that your house is the end point on my run. I come in say hi, sometimes stay for more…" he smirks making her roll her eyes at him. "Then run back to Luke's place," he nods his head to the counter, where the water was thrown and I slowly turn the corner seeing my boyfriend there.

"Yeah well…" Haley trails off when she spins seeing me, and then the rest of the eyes follow.

"Hey..." Lucas looks at me as I stand leaning against the wall.

"Hi…" I offer a sad smile.

"Nathan come with me, I need umm…help with what I'm wearing," Haley grabs his hand, I guess being my best friend, notices I want to be alone with my boyfriend.

"I hate clothes," Nathan grumbles all the way to the room before the door shuts.

We both just sort of stand here. He is just staring at me as I move awkwardly to the counter, playing with a pen that's sitting there.

"You look nice," he finally comments on my outfit. It is pretty simple to me, nothing special. I have on a black, pleated strapless dress, with three white buttons at the top. I got it for Tony's graduation a few years back.

"Yeah…" I look at my outfit. "I may change," I admit fiddling with the sides.

"What? Why?" He asks moving to the stool next to me and taking a seat.

"I don't know," I shrug still playing with the pen and trying to ignore him being right next to me.

"Nice was the wrong word," he back tracks. "Gorgeous, you look gorgeous," he places his hand on my hip, stroking the small material. "You always look gorgeous," he corrects as I turn to look at him giving a smile.

"Thank you," I say taking a step closer. "But I still may change. I feel a little uncomfortable," I confess looking at the short dress. "I feel almost like I shouldn't wear something so….revealing if you aren't with me," I admit, thinking I should wear a parka out if Lucas isn't with me. I feel when we would go out to the bar or a club or something it was ok to wear whatever because one, I wanted to look nice for Lucas but two, because no one would bother me if Lucas was there.

"I think you should wear this," he runs his hand down my side, his warm hand on my cool, bare skin giving me chills.

"Ok," I agree looking in his ice blue eyes that I just love. "Your shoulder ok?" I stroke his collar bone with my thumb.

"It's a little stiff, but it's alright," he tries to shrug, his hand still running up and down my leg, scrunching up my dress as he does.

"You should probably keep your sling on. You're not supposed to take it off for another week," I remind him. The doctor said four weeks, maximum and two weeks minimum on wearing his sling. He has some medicine when it hurts but Lucas of course, just decided after a week he was over the sling and just let it be.

"I know but it's alright," he shrugs and I see the pain that shoots through his arm by the small gesture.

"For me will you wear it?" I ask just wanting him to be better. "Please?"

"Yeah Pretty Girl…" he caves, his hand still giving me chills as his finger tips slowly drift up and down my leg. "When I get home I'll put it back ok," he promises. "Who is driving you tonight? I didn't see your car outside."

"Haley picked me up. We are going to pick Rachel and Peyton up from Rachel's house and go to this place Peyton knows about. It's like Tric or something," I tell him.

"Well just be careful," Lucas tells me and I nod. "If something happens where you need me, just call me."

"I know. I will I promise," I nod knowing I can always call him if something happens, if I need him. Broken up, on a break, together, no matter what I know he will always be there if I need him.

"I should probably get Nate," he stands up, his chest grazing against mine as he does. "I'm sure you are about to leave."

"Yeah we are," I tell him tracing my finger over the pattern on his shirt. "You can come if you want," I offer, but know that he won't. He wants his time to think. I can't really be mad since I broke up with him months back because I needed time to think.

"Brooke…" He sighs shaking his head.

"I know, I just thought I would try," I stop him from having to explain again. "I love you," I remind him almost afraid he might forget.

"I love you too, Pretty Girl," he kisses my forehead. "Nate, let's go!" He calls walking to the door.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," Nathan rolls his eyes walking from the back room. "Bye Brookie," he winks flashing Lucas a goofy smile as he walks out the front door.

"Brooke…" I look back up to at him. "You should keep your dress," he gives a half smile before leaving me with a full one.

* * *

"Are you having fun?" Haley yells over the loud music as we dance.

"Yeah," I lie a little. I mean yeah, I'm having fun, just wish my boyfriend was here. I just keep traveling back to everything that has happened and wonder where we really messed up. Was it the first time we broke up? Was it my insecurities? Was it my baby?

"Well good because you are looking way too hot to not be having a fun night," Rachel spins around to face me. "You think Tony would object to me dancing with someone?"

"Oh we all know you are too stupid about that boy to stray away," Peyton jokes surprising me a little.

"I know," She giggles pushing her hair back. "He is so cute isn't he? Ugh, I hate caring so much about someone."

"Yeah tell me about it," I mumble stepping back and right on someone's feet. "God I'm sorry," I apologize turning around to the girl.

"Oh, its fine," she flashes a perfect smile. "At a club you have to expect you might get stepped on," she laughs, her eyes searching around for someone. "Don't you just hate this crowd sometimes? You come with someone, they get a drink, and then you just can't find them anymore."

"Oh I know," I laugh over the loud music. "Last club I went to with my boyfriend, I had to pick a place to meet him if I lost him. Yeah I lost him a lot."

"Yeah, well my boy is somewhere lost in the sea of people and I think I might have to send off a flare for him to find me," She jokes and again I laugh, looking around the club like I would actually know who he is for her. "There he is," A calming spread all over her as her face completely lights up.

"Oh well there yo-" and my words stop at the all too familiar person making his way through the crowd and over to us; the smile on his face slowly leaving his gorgeous face.

"Brooke?" I barely hear him over the loud music.

"David?" My lips twitch into a smile. "David!" I grin diving at him, arms instantly around his neck. "I've missed you."

"Well I have missed you too crazy girl," he gives me a tight squeeze before releasing me. "I was going to call you," his eyes travel down my body to my stomach. "I talked to Jay…I just…I didn't know what I was supposed to say."

"How about what's up? How's your day? Seen any good movies?" I tease and see the seriousness spread across his face. "I'm fine."

"I don't believe you," he says. "But I know not to push you," he holds his hands up. "I'm glad you're ok," he smiles that perfect smile and yanks me into hug him again.

"Umm…" we both hear pulling apart to see the girl I stepped on standing awkwardly next to us. "Hi."

"Oh crap, Mimi this is Brooke, Brooke this is my girlfriend Mimi," David introduces giving me my second surprise of the night.

"Hi," I reach out my hand. "Good to formally meet you."

"You too," she smiles and I must say David did a pretty great job. She is pretty, really pretty, with strawberry blonde hair tumbling down her shoulders with the prettiest wave to it that I would just die for. Her big crystal blue eyes and a smile that is the size of damn Texas across her face. She is so pretty, I'm actually a little jealous. "I have heard a lot about you, I just didn't know you was well you."

"Well anything he says ignore," I toss a playful glance over at the boy next to me.

"Oh Davis, you know I could never speak anything but great things about you," he laughs draping his arm over my shoulder.

"David!" We hear once again over the loud music spinning to see Rachel, Haley and Peyton. "Hey," Haley smiles giving him a hug.

"Hey Hales," he grins. "Peyton, Rachel."

"David," Rachel's tone is just how it always is with David. She still doesn't trust him and she still doesn't like us being within ten feet of each other.

"Rach, this is Mimi," I introduce. "David's girlfriend."

"Girlfriend?" She questions clearly just as surprised as me. No one knew David had girlfriends.

"Yup," I nod.

"Yeah, but where is everyone?" David asks looking around the crowd. "Nate here? Jake, Cooper?"

"Cooper is long gone," Rachel snorts tossing her hair over her shoulder.

"Yeah Rachel here is with Tony," Peyton tells him and him this time getting shocked.

"Your Tony?" He raises his brow at me and I just nod a yup. "Wow I have been missing a little too long."

"Yeah," I agree tucking my hair back.

"Well is Luke here with you?" He asks and I know he sees me tense up.

"We are having a girls night," Haley jumps in. "Figured it was needed."

"Yeah it was all a little over due," Peyton shrugs and I have to admit I am happy for the girls' night. Though Lucas has been on my mind all night, I have missed hanging out with the girls. For such a long time it has been just us; I almost forgot the fun we all had together.

"I bet," David nods but keeping his eyes locked on me. He is trying to read me, trying to figure out what is wrong, and I have to turn to look away from him because I know if he stares to long he will. "You know I'm a little thirsty," he says. "Babe you want anything?" He asks Mimi wrapping his arm around her waist.

"No, I'm ok," she smiles giving him a look I know pretty well. She is in love, she is falling fast, and I really hope David is too because loving someone and not having them in your life just sucks.

"Alright I'll be right back," he gives her a loving kiss. "Guys, you think ya'll could keep her company? Brooke and I are getting a drink."

"I'm actually ok, I don't-"

"Brooke and I are getting a drink," he cuts me off and the look he gives me; I know I won't be able to get out of this one. "We are going to be back in a few," he grabs my hand before I can say anything else and drags me through the crowd.

"David I'm really not that thirsty," I tell him once again as we walk up to the bar and him pushing me in the chair.

"Well I am and I want to talk with my best friend while I enjoy a nice cold beer," he nods at the bartender who smiles grabbing him his drink. "Thank you darling," his charm, like always, comes through as he tosses her his money and a wink.

"Mimi is nice," I comment.

"Mimi is amazing," he corrects my comment and I really love the smile he has when he talks about her. "But where is Lucas tonight? And don't say it's a girls' night blah, blah, bullshit. I want to know what is going on."

"Nothing David, I swear," I lie again pulling a napkin apart.

"Brooke…" he is giving me a warning as I sit staying focused on my napkin. "It's me…" he reminds me like I'm stupid. "So talk to me," he smiles placing his hand on my knee and giving it a squeeze.

"Things aren't great," I admit with a shrug. "We keep fighting about everything David," I sigh tossing down my napkin. "The worst part is I don't really know what is wrong. He tells me he loves me and wants to be with me, but everything is just so messed up."

"Well do you love him? Do you want to be with him?"

"I do David. There is no one else I want to be with but him," I tell him without even having to think about it.

"Then you will be fine," he shrugs taking a sip on his beer.

"He says he needs time away to think," I frown looking back at my ripped napkin.

"Ya'll have gone through some pretty heavy stuff," David turns his head to look at me. "And sometimes we have to go through stuff like that alone. Sometimes we can't fix something that is broken with the people we love, if we ourselves are a little broken."

"Yeah," I agree knowing that is true. "I've really missed you David," I tell him honestly giving his hand a squeeze.

"Oh, I have missed you too baby girl," he smiles kissing the side of my head, standing up and finishing off his beer. "You want to come dance with me and Mimi?"

"Maybe in a little awhile, I think right now I may sit here a little while," I give him a smile that he nods at.

"Ok, but later I get first dance," he winks before disappearing in the sea of people.

* * *

Drumming my fingers on the bar I wave for something to drink which she brings me. Just a coke because I am underage and can't drink, but also because a part of me still thinks something is inside of me. Sometimes I think I am just going to wake up in bed with Lucas and still have my baby growing inside of me. If that is somehow magically the case, I really want to wake up now.

"Hey," I lift my gaze to some old creepy guy sliding next to me.

That was not me waking up.

"Hello," I shift to my left as he takes a seat to my right.

"Why don't I buy you a real drink?" He questions picking up my glass and sliding it to the edge of the bar.

"I'm only eighteen," I flash the X on my hand grabbing my drink back. I mean I could tell him in two weeks I will be nineteen, but that doesn't really matter; that doesn't make him any less creepy.

"I think I can get you something if you would like," he grins and even that is creepy. His chipped front tooth, his beer stained teeth, and the scent of cigarettes that comes from his breath. He has to be in his early thirties, if not older, and when he shifts closer to me I feel even more uncomfortable.

"Hey babe, sorry it took me longer in the bathroom then I thought. There was a serious line," some dark headed guy steps between my seat and the creepy guy next to me. "You get my drink?" He locks deep green eyes on mine, cutting them over his shoulder at the creepy guy.

"Umm...no sorry," I apologize sliding over in the next chair as he sits down in the one that held me.

"It's ok," he flashes a perfect smile flipping his shaggy hair back. "I probably had enough anyway; I don't want to upset you again tonight," he keeps going on and confusing me more and more. I really couldn't figure out if he was playing some game or just seriously nuts where he thought he knew me. "Hello," he turns to the creepy guy now next to him. "It was nice of you to keep my girl company, but I'm back now. So you can go and head out if you want."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know she was here with someone." The guy apologizes, standing up. "But you really shouldn't leave her alone in a place like this."

"I'll keep that in mind," his tone is now all of a sudden slightly put off with this guy. "Bye," he waves, the creep tossing a look at me, then back at mystery guy and then back at me before stalking off. "Old guys in places like this are so creepy."

"Yeah…" I agree still sitting her with my brow raised at him.

"Oh…" He laughs against his beer. "I guess I might have come across a little creepy huh?"

"I'm not sure if creepy is the right word. I'm not really sure I know the word to describe what just happened," I laugh a little picking back up my cup.

"You know…" Mystery boy lowers my cup from my mouth. "Why don't we get you a new one of those," he takes my coke from my hand. "Just to be on the safe side," he jokes making me laugh in agreement. "I'm Shawn," he holds out his hand.

"Brooke," I smile, taking it as I call the bartender to get me another coke.

"Yeah, but back to the creepy, non creepy happenings of what just occurred," he nods his head back to where the creepy guy had walked off to. "I have a little sister and you look to be about her age and I know if she was throwing the signs up that you just were, she would want to be saved."

"Yeah sounds like something my brothers would do," I agree and Nathan, and Nash and Heath and probably Jake too. Actually I'm pretty sure I have a long list of people who would jump in to save someone like that.

"Exactly, and I in good conscience, couldn't let someone creep on a girl and not jump in to save her," Shawn teases making me laugh again.

"Well thank you," I tip my glass towards him taking a sip.

"Well no problem," he chuckles. "So Brooke, creepy guy attracter, tell me something about yourself."

* * *

"Oh you have to be lying," I laugh at the story Shawn just told me. In the last hour I have sat here talking to this guy and for the first time in a long time felt relaxed. He is funny, sweet, doesn't push on a topic if I am against saying it, and has yet to say something that seriously pisses me off. He is just a great guy that I have enjoyed talking to.

"No I'm not, I swear," he laughs leaning closer to me. "We were all counting down and before I knew it, the entire baseball field was in flames."

"I don't believe it. I don't believe you all would have been dumb enough to light the school's baseball field up on fire," I shake my head at it.

"Hey it was fireworks," he points at me with a serious face. "And the team totally tilled up our field. Plus it was an accident."

"Yeah I believe that," I roll my eyes taking another sip on my drink.

"So Brooke, tell me something…" Shawn spins in his chair to look at me. "What brings you out tonight and what makes you end up sitting here alone with some guy you don't know?"

"Just a night out with my friends," I tell him.

"Are they like missing? Because I haven't seen them," he looks around the crowd before looking back at me.

"Oh no, I was just in a grumpy mood so they are having fun and I told them I would just get a drink. Ending it with talking to you was just coincidence," I shrug knowing I had text the girls about ten times each, telling them I was fine just enjoying my drink and time to think.

"Well you haven't seen that grumpy to me," he shrugs sitting a little too close. "You actually seem to be pretty great," he smiles locking his eyes onto mine and holding my gaze.

Then I don't know what happened, I don't know how it happened, but in the flashing lights and loud music it occurred before I even had time to stop it, he kissed me.

In my lifetime I have only felt four people's lips against mine own. Mick, when I was fifteen and we stood in the back of my backyard one night, but that was just a simple kiss, Shane who surprisingly had no effect on me what-so-ever, David who I admit made my heart flutter a bit and if Lucas wasn't with me might have been one of the best, and then finally Lucas, my Lucas, my boyfriend who's heart would completely shatter if he knew what just happened.

"I have a boyfriend," Instantly flies out of my mouth as I pull away from him. "I'm sorry," I apologize, feeling guilty if I somehow led him on. I didn't mean to do it; I just thought we were talking. I never thought he would just kiss me like that, guess it's the naïve part of me, the innocence Lucas still claims I have. The part that doesn't see what guys are doing, what they are after and that sometimes you can't just sit, having a conversation with one, without them assuming it's more.

"Don't be sorry," he shrugs a gorgeous smile gracing his face. "I have a girlfriend," he informs me, completely dumbfounding me with that. He has a girlfriend but still chooses to kiss me?

"Shawn..." My tone is more dominate when he leans in to kiss me again. "I love my boyfriend," I make clear placing my hand on his chest pushing him back.

"Brooke…" He laughs sitting back down in his chair pulling my stool closer to him. "Are you honestly telling me that you sat here with me all night, talked to me all night, and you don't want me to kiss you?"

"That's what I'm saying," I tell him suddenly feeling extremely uncomfortable.

"Well I don't really believe you too much," he smirks running his hand up my leg. "I think you want to kiss me, but since you have a boyfriend…" he leans closer to me making my heart race. "You think you _have_ to push me away, but you don't," he smiles, his finger tips gently touching my cheek. "Cause' I'm not going to tell," he whispers before once again slowly pressing his lips against mine.

"I…" I push my hand against his chest pushing him back as my mind races. "I have a boyfriend," I repeat standing up quickly.

"Brooke…" He grabs my hand yet I just yank it away moving quickly down the stairs away from the bar, away from him. "David!" I call pushing through the sweaty bodies on the verge of breaking down. "David!" I shove another person out of my way. "David!"

"Brookie?" I hear spinning around finding my friend as I rush into his arms. "Whoa, whoa baby girl, what's wrong?" He wraps his arms around my shaking body as I hug him tight. "B what is it?"

"I need to go home David…Please take me home…" I beg him as he looks at me completely worried and gives Mimi a confused glance that she shrugs at. "Something happened David and I need to see Lucas. Please!" I plead tears welling up in my eyes.

"Ok, ok we can go home. I can take you home or to Lucas's or wherever you want to go," he rubs his hands up and down my trembling arms. "But don't you want Rachel or Haley or something? I can go find them," he offers but I shake my head no quickly.

"I'll…I'll text them or something, I can't have them David. I need you, not them," I tell him because I can't talk to them about what happened. I don't know why, but I can't and David I can; I can tell David anything and know it's safe between us. I love Rachel and Haley, but they are girls and girls talk.

"Alright," David nods. "Mimi…I'm sorry," he sighs and I feel even guiltier now.

"It's ok. I understand," she forces a smile that I can see as David leans over giving her a kiss. "Just take care of your friend," she smiles at me offering me a smile that seems real. "She needs you."

"Alright well let me know when you get home and I will come over," David smiles giving her side a pat as he turns taking my hand in his. "Come on B," He tugs me through the crowd keeping himself close enough so no one grabs me, or touches me.

I feel sick, I feel dirty and I feel right now, about the worst girlfriend in the world.

* * *

"Are we going to talk?" David breaks the silence that has filled the car, yet I stay still staring out the window. "Brooke babe, I love you but you just dragged me away from my very hot girlfriend."

"I'm sorry ok! I should have just taken a cab," I grumble slumping in my seat, my whole body still shaking. "What's so funny?" I snap my head over at David who was laughing.

"Nothing, it's just your so dumb Davis. Like I would actually let you take a cab home when you are so upset. Mimi understands…If she didn't she wouldn't be the girl I fell in love with," he flashes me a smile before turning back to look at the road.

"You love her?" I ask trying to hide the shock of that. Not that didn't think it was impossible, but still not expecting it.

"Yeah…" He nods. "I mean I haven't told her or anything, but I am nuts about that girl," he lets out a dry laugh. "Looks like I found my Brooke," he smiles over at me and I nod understanding what he meant.

"I'm happy for you," I tell him honestly. "Very happy for you David."

"Me too, just sucks I am so happy when my best friend is so sad," He frowns next to me, patting my leg. "So what's going on Brookie?"

"I think…" I run my hand through my hair, staring outside the window. "I think I cheated on Lucas," I whisper as my voice once again starts to crack.

"What…what do you mean you think?" David asks confused, yet that right there is why I am glad he is here over Rachel or Haley. They would have yelled at me, jumped in my case about being stupid for letting something like that happen, but not David, never David.

"Someone else kissed me David," I turn to look at him tears. "And he asked me if I pushed him away because I _had _to because of Lucas or because I _wanted _too."

"And what's your reason?" He asks as we pull on Lucas's street.

"I don't know," I confess as a tear slips. "I love him, I know that but we are having so many problems David; so many. And all I think is what if he isn't my meant to be, that we are fighting for something that isn't supposed to be fought for anymore?"

"Ok Brooke…" David parks and turns off the car turning to look at me. "Where are we?" He questions and I look at him completely confused. "Brooke, look around you," he tells me and I raise my brow. "Brooke where are we right now?"

"We are at Lucas's, but David I don't get-"

"Exactly," he cuts me off and I have never in my life seen David so serious before, he is normally the carefree, joking cracking guy, not the one with a life lesson. "Someone kissed you, someone who you might or might not been attracted to, yet look where you are? It happened and the first thing you wanted to do was see him, find Lucas because yeah, maybe you are upset with all the problems you two have gone through lately but don't you dare take the easy way out. Don't give up the person who you care so much about because it's easier to be with someone else."

"David…"

"No listen damn it, I'm being serious. I love you Brooke alright and there was a point, I admit, where I was petrified of you because I knew you could hurt me but then….them I met Mimi and realized, and don't take this the wrong way, but I realized there was no way you could hurt me as much as she could. I love you but I am completely _in_ love with Mimi just like you are with Lucas. So yes, it may be easier to be with someone who you care about less and you will love them but what you are feeling now with all the problems will never, and I seriously mean never, hurt as much as you feel by losing Lucas."

"David, I don't know what I am supposed to do..."

"You are supposed to get out of my car, go inside and crawl up next to the guy in there, and for once not look for a problem! Don't search for something to fight about; don't be the Brooke we all love and argue with him…god damn it Brookie, just be happy!"

"Should I tell him about the guy?" I ask opening the car door and begging David to give me the answer to the question that is going nuts through my head.

"I can't tell you what to do Brooke on that one, but I do know that even if it hurts him, it will hurt him a lot more if he ends up finding out from someone else," he tells me and I nod knowing what he meant. "I love you B, you will do what's right."

"Love you too David," I give a smile shutting the door as I look up at Lucas's apartment, back at David and then at the apartment. I feel sick again, as my feet take small footsteps up to the door, I grip all my keys so I just have the one to Lucas's apartment that he gave me point out as I slide it in the lock. It's late, I don't even know if he is here, being as he might have gone to hang out with Nathan since I had Haley but I hope he is home, or going to be home soon.

"Luke…" I call through the dark room, shutting the door behind me. "Lucas?" I say a little bit louder, peeking down the hall seeing the light from the TV flickering in the living room. "Luke…" I walk into the living room finding him asleep on the couch, TV changer hanging loosely in his hand.

I drop my keys on the counter, put down my purse and shuffle my feet over to my boyfriend. I slip the changer from his hand, turning off the TV, before putting it on the coffee table and climb up on the couch. I crawl up his body, snuggle against him, burying my face in the crook of his neck. It's crazy even in his sleep his arms instantly wrap around me, holding me close, like it's some form of muscle memory that his body automatically knows I am here and he holds me, makes me feel safe.

"Hey…" He sleepily mumbles, dropping a kiss against my head. "What you doing here?" He shifts under me, getting comfortable before becoming still.

"We were wrong," I whisper resting my head on his shoulder as his finger tips run slowly up and down my back before slipping under my shirt and doing the same giving me chills. "A night apart doesn't work, just makes me more upset."

"I'm sorry I upset you," he frowns bringing his other hand to my cheek and tilting my head to look at him. "I don't want to do anymore things to upset you," he says as he presses a kiss to my forehead.

"You don't," I promise knowing everything inside of me realizes now I am hurting myself in all this, Lucas hasn't done a thing it has all been me. "I love you Lucas ok?" I look him dead in the eyes and he furrows his brow looking a little confused. "No matter what happens, what we go through, just know when the day is over, there is no where I want to be but right here with you, in your arms ok?"

"I love you too, but Pretty Girl are you ok? Did something happen tonight?" He questions and I freeze thinking about what happened tonight.

"No…" I lie, snuggling back against him, resting my head on his chest. "Nothing happened…I just…I just love you."

* * *

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	37. Chapter 37

His hair is completely disheveled, his mouth is slightly open and his whole face is relaxed as his breathe stays steady. His heart that was beating soundly against my back is now racing slowly when I turned over to look at him. I assume he is dreaming something good since he has a slight smile on those perfect lips and when my body strays away from his for a millisecond his hand instantly flies up grabbing onto my side pulling me into him.

It's that muscle memory thing again since he is still completely asleep. Yet I don't fight it, don't wiggle away; just move my t-shirt covered body closer to him and play with the necklace that hangs around his neck.

I wonder where he got it? He has had it since I have met him and rarely takes it off. So I wonder where it came from. It's simple, nothing big to it; just a simple silver chain with a cross on it. I actually noticed it the first time we ever slept together. When he pulled away that one time to look at me; I only remember it because I remember how I wrapped my hand around it and pulled him down to kiss me.

Things were so simple back then. I knew what I was feeling and wanting and needing and the answers were always so simple.

Lucas.

Nothing more I had to think about, discuss or anything just that it was and always would be Lucas. I wonder where it all went downhill. Where we lost each other because I do think for a period we lost each other and I just miss him. I know that is nuts being as right now we are in bed and in each others' arms but it feels weird. I can't explain the feeling in my stomach I feel; just like I can't explain where his necklace came from.

"Hi," he arches his body forward, stretching his legs that are entangled with mine and opening his eyes. "What time is it?" He questions with a yawn.

"Early," I whisper running my finger over a small scar close to his nose. It's something else I never notice; well I mean I have noticed but never knew where it came from. "Where did this scar come from?" I run my finger slowly back over it as he once again shifts to wake up more.

"I broke my nose when I was little," he tells me running his hand up my bare covered leg making my whole body tense up. I should have worn his gym shorts or boxers or something because I know Lucas in the mornings; especially early morning and the fact I haven't let him touch me in weeks I know its crossing his mind.

"How?" I try to ignore the racing in my chest and the dryness of my mouth as his hand hikes up his old t-shirt and his thumb strokes my hip bone.

"I got in a fight," he wiggles his body closer to mine. "It wasn't that big of a deal." He whispers leaning in closer and I duck my head down so his lips land on the top of my head.

"Did it hurt?" I ask swallowing hard when I peer my eyes back up to see him looking at me. It's an instance look, one that screams he doesn't know what he is supposed to be doing anymore and he is trying hard.

However he doesn't say that; doesn't complain that I just once again avoid kissing him and that I once again am avoiding being touched by him. He just lets out a frustrated sigh, presses a kiss to my forehead and rolls out of the bed saying, "I'm going to go take a shower."

"Ok," my voice feels so weak and I know he doesn't hear it since the door closes before it's even out.

* * *

"What are you doing tonight?" I ask Lucas when I walk into the living room after my shower. I'm back in his t-shirt but I also have on a pair of his boxers on. Don't really think it's fair to walk around him half covered, not when he is extremely sexually frustrated.

"I got nothing planned," he shrugs dropping some eggs down in front of me.

"I'm not really hungry," I tell him and his eyes lock hard onto mine.

"When did you eat last?" He questions making me growl a little shifting in the stool.

"I ate lunch yesterday, but it was a late lunch." I tell him quickly.

"Damn it Brooke!" He drops the pan in his hand on the stove annoyed. "You aren't going to get better if you are just eating how you always eat."

"I'm not eating how I always eat!" I shove the plate back as I stand. "God since I was little I haven't eaten breakfast and it's not really changing as I get older."

"Well it's almost 11 and maybe if you would have eaten breakfast more you wouldn't be sick," he spins around to look at me; worry all over his face.

"Luke…" I frown rounding around the corner of the counter walking up to him. "I'm not sick." I tell him sliding my hands up his arms and around his neck.

"Brooke you are sick and you're not going to get better if you don't change your ways," he frowns leaning his head against mine. "God I need you to be ok," he whispers down to me.

"I'm ok."

"Do you have any clue how much I need you in my life?" he questions me. "I admit it; I realize that I need you ok? God we spent weeks apart and I thought I lost you I felt like I died a little inside, don't you get that."

"I get that Lucas, I understand that. God you act like I didn't feel the same way in any of that. Trust me I felt just as much pain as you," I don't mean to come across harsh but I can't help it. Yet then I go to walk away and his hand grabs onto my arm and when I look back into his gorgeous blue eyes I do feel a little guilty.

"I need you to be _ok_," he repeats looking me dead in the eyes, looking at me so intently that it almost scares me. "So _please_ just eat," his expression softens as his hand slips down my arm and links his fingers through mine.

"Ok," I let out an exhausted sigh as I look down at our locked hands. "I'll eat something," I promise feeling like arguing with him on this is pointless. Even if I go home and eat enough to feed a small country he won't care unless he is sitting in front of me and seeing it.

"I'm sorry," he apologizes and I'm a little confused. "I shouldn't have grabbed you like that, I'm sorry."

"Its fine," I give a one shoulder shrug leaning up and giving him a kiss that seems to feel just a little awkward. "Do you want to come with me to my family's tonight?"

"Where ya'll going?" He asks me still standing next to him; his thumb stroking my hand.

"We are going to my grandparent's house. It's Papa's 78th birthday and the family was all going to get together."

"Yeah I'll go," he flashes me a small smile that I can't help but smile at.

"Thank you," I slide my arms around his neck and he wraps his arms around my body hugging me.

"I missed you the other night," he kisses my shoulder and I can't help when my body tenses thinking about _that_ night. It's been about a week since it's happened and I haven't told him yet, and when the night gets brought up all I think about is Shawn sitting so close to me, how he kissed me and how the feeling in my stomach thinking about it makes me sick. I can't believe it happened, I can't believe I _let_ it happen.

"I missed you too," I tighten my grip around him kissing the side of his neck. "I missed you so much."

* * *

"Ugh!" I growl when I turn around seeing Megan talking to Lucas. We have been at my grandparent's house for about an hour and Megan has seemed to be talking to _my_ Lucas way too much. Now of course I'm not worried Lucas would give her the time of day but he is being nice and I know Megan; she will take a polite Lucas as being something so much more then it is. "Ever just want a serious drink?" I mumble as I keep my eye locked on my boyfriend.

"Sissy I'm eleven," I turn my head seeing my little brother. "Of course I sometimes want a serious drink," he jokes making me let out a _real_ laugh.

"Oh little man," I shake my head taking a sip of my drink. "Here, have a sip," I hand him my drink and he looks at it and I nod at him to take a sip.

"What is it?" he questions with a smile about having a sip.

"Just try it, it's good I promise," I wink and he slowly puts the drink to his lips before tilting the glass back for a sip.

"Sissy!" He gets a grossed out face wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "That is gross; you know I hate sweet tea."

"Sorry," I shrug biting back a laugh.

"Sissy," I look down at the boy next to me who really isn't a little boy anymore. "I know we aren't supposed to talk about it because it makes you upset but I just wanted to say I think you would be an awesome mom," he flashes me a smile, a sad smile but a smile.

"I love you, you know that?" I look at him and quickly give him a tight hug, tears burning in my eyes. "And you are probably the best little brother in this whole world." I kiss his head.

"Well I love you too, and as a sister you're not that bad," he jokes making me a laugh as we pull away.

"Oh thanks," I tease wiping the corner of my eye.

"Yeah I will leave you to go see your boyfriend…" he turns to leave but pauses, "Ya'll don't do anything gross," he jokes pointing at me and I laugh shaking my head and mumbling ok.

Looking back up I see Lucas look up about that time locking eyes with me and offering a small smile. I want to tell him about the kiss but I don't know how. I don't know how he will react or what he will think or anything.

"Brooke!" Megan's tone of excitement is so fake it makes me sick inside. I don't like girls like her, they are just so fake, so 'I like want to be your best friend forever, let's go shopping! Omg! I love you,' type and it makes me sick, because they are in your face like that but 'secretly don't leave your boyfriend around because I'll take him' sorta of girls; yeah hate them.

"Megan," I clench my teeth at how close she is sitting to Lucas. I swear she is practically in his lap.

"Luke and I were just talking about how glad we were you brought him, he is a real great guy Brooklyn," she smiles a huge plastic smile placing her hand on his leg.

"Yeah I know that," I growl, my eyes dropping to her hand which I know Lucas notices since he slowly slides his leg to the side making it drop like it was an accident. "But you know Meg I think Aunt Tina was looking for you," I lie with a smile etched on my face.

"Oh ok," she jumps up and I am almost positive you can see her ass hanging out of the back of her dress. Yet it's not even a dress its one of those shirts that is long, too long for a regular shirt but _way_ too short to wear _just_ as a dress, well Megan went for the dress part. "Well I will talk to you guys later, bye Luke." She gives him a wink before skips off her '_dress_' riding up a little more as she does.

"Slut," I mumble falling down next to my boyfriend annoyed.

"Come on baby don't be like that she was just being nice," Lucas gives my knee a squeeze but I just cross my arms over my chest. "Pretty Girl…" he leans closer resting his chin on my shoulder.

"You don't have to just flirt with her right in my face," I yank my shoulder forward making his chin drop.

"I wasn't flirting with her," he objects trying to keep his voice low but still showing he was upset with my comment. "She might have been flirting with me but I wasn't flirting, hell I wasn't even talking to her really!"

"Whatever," I grumble pushing off the couch and walking away from him. I don't know why I just snapped at him, he probably wasn't flirting with her but I can't help it. It's like I'm acting as if he kissed someone else, which he didn't but still. How come that's how it works? I _possibly_ cheated on him yet I accuse him like he did it. God I'm screwed up.

"Brooke what is wrong?" Lucas follows me as I head up the stairs to the room we are staying in tonight. My family figured since it would be late we would just sleep over and then all have breakfast with Papa and Grandmama in the morning.

"Nothing, I'm sorry," I apologize as dig through my bag for a jacket or something, well actually just doing it to keep me busy.

"Nothing? Nothing is wrong yet you just picked a fight with me for no reason?" He questions but I just ignore him as I zip the bag up and head over to the dresser, already knowing there is nothing in there I will need. "God I don't get what is wrong with you. All week you have been just acting so weird and I can't figure it out."

"I said I was sorry," I mumble out as I shut the dresser and walk over to the bed and pull a few of the extra pillows off and tossing them on the floor.

"Don't be sorry Brooke just talk to me, I mean damn you got pissed at me the other day for talking to Rachel!" He snaps at me and I cringe a little at that. I didn't mean to get bitchy that day but again I got-, I don't know what I got because I don't know if you could really call it jealous or not but I got something and all he was doing was talking to Rachel. I of course felt terrible later, apologized to my best friend, explained what I was feeling and she told me she understood. Guess that's what best friends do. You fight and they make up and its always ok at the end of the day, "I swear I don't know what is going on because I have never been this confused and trust me in our relationship I have had _many_ times of being completely confused when it came to you."

Then I don't know what happened, he admitted I was making him confused and I felt something building up in my throat and before I could stop myself I blurted out, "I kissed someone else!" and he completely freezes in the middle of the room.

"What?" He asks turning to look at me and I see the shock spread all over his face and I want to take what I said back. I want to have not just yelled that at him but it did, it came out and I know I better explain quick because the look he is giving me is scaring me.

"The other night when I went out with Rachel, Haley and Peyton, I was sitting at the bar and this guy came up and we were just talking and I don't know how it happened but he…he kissed me." Then all of a sudden all that nerve I had built up to tell him completely vanishes "I don't know how it happened ok?" I tell him yet he still stands completely still just looking at me, "Luke…" I walk over grabbing his arm, but it scares me how he just jerks it away, "Lucas I am sorry ok? God I am so sorry."

"It was when you were out with Rachel, Peyton and Haley? When ya'll went to Tric?" He asks in a scary calm tone and I just nod, "Wow," he lets out a dry laugh sitting on the bed, "I'm so stupid, so damn stupid," he shakes his head running his hands over his face.

"Lucas…" I move to sit next to him on the bed yet again it scares me when he stands up walking away from me, I don't like him not wanting me nowhere near him.

"You see here I thoughts my girlfriend came by my place that night because she wanted to see me, that she wanted to be with me yet in reality she came by because some asshole…" And now his tone is harsher, "Decided it was ok to kiss her. Yet what is funny is my girlfriend let him!"

"I didn't let him alright and when he did I pushed him away. I swear that I pushed him away from me and it shouldn't have happened I know that alright. I didn't want it to happen."

"Ok Brooke…" Lucas gives me a look never in my time with him he has given me, "I am going to explain something too you. If a guy sits talking to a girl at a _bar_ he isn't expecting to buy her a drink, listen to her problems and leave with nothing!" He snaps at me.

"I know that Lucas!" I raise my voice but quickly yank it back since I can't be mad at him for being upset, I was wrong here, what I did was wrong. "I'm sorry."

"Is this payback or something?" He asks and I look at him completely confused by what this would be payback for.

"What?"

"I kissed Aislinn; I hurt you so now you finally get to cash that kiss in with some jackass at a bar!" He yells making me flinch, "God Brooke I thought we were over that, I thought you were ok with and it on top of that we weren't together!"

"This wasn't some form of payback Lucas! God…" I stand up running my hand through my hair, "It just happened…"

"Kissing someone just doesn't happen Brooke," he sighs and I feel so bad, I never meant to hurt him, but it did just happen. I never planned on it happening, it's not like I went out planning on kissing someone, I swear it just happened, "You know what the worst part is?" He asks but I just stay still looking at him, "That was almost a week ago."

"Lucas…"

"But hey guess as long as you told me right?" His tone is so fake it makes me sick inside, "Maybe next week you will drop the ball you actually slept with him," he spins around towards the door.

"Lucas I swear to god I-" Yet the slamming of the door cuts me off.

Guess I deserve that.

* * *

After thinking by myself for a few minutes I head downstairs to find my boyfriend and hopefully not argue. I don't want to argue in front of my family but on top of that I am so tired of fighting with him in general about everything. Yet I guess him being mad at me is legit, he has every right being mad at the fact I kissed someone else, but it was just a kiss. A kiss that was short and I felt nothing with and never wanted.

"Luke…" I walk into the kitchen finding him mixing himself a drink along with two others, "What are you doing?"

"Jerry asked if I could make him, your mom and Grandmother a drink." He tells me without ever once looking at me.

"Are you drinking?" I question because he drinks more when he is hurt or stressed and I really don't like when we are arguing and he drinks. He isn't mean or anything he just won't listen to a word I say.

"I'm a big boy Brooke; I can pretty much drink when I choose." He informs me like I am stupid not knowing any of that.

"Lucas can we please just talk about this?" I beg leaning on the counter standing close to him.

"I don't want to talk about it." He grabs the drinks brushing past me and down the stairs to where everyone is.

"Well I really do." I try again but keeping my voice low so the entire downstairs doesn't hear us arguing, "Can't we just go back upstairs or outside or something? I want to know what you are thinking."

"You don't want to know what I am thinking right now." Lucas tells me handing a drink to my Grandmother and Papa which they both thank as he moves over to my mom.

"I do Lucas. I do want to know what you are thinking." I once again beg him to talk.

"No you really don't." He hands a drink over to my mom.

"Thank sweetie." She smiles yet I know catches the look on my face, she knows me to well to not know when something is bothering me.

"No problem." Lucas forces a smile before walking away and I follow before my mom questions something, I do not need to have that talk with her right now.

"Lucas just listen to me then." I beg wanting him just to let me explain, "I just need you to understand."

"Understand what Brooke?" He spins quickly around to look at me, so fast that I almost ran right into him, "Understand the fact my girlfriend is all fine making out with some guy she has known an hour yet doesn't let me within ten feet of touching her without completely freaking out? Are you going to explain that to me? Make me understand that because that would be fantastic!" He yells making the entire room go hush as they turn to look at us.

"Lucas come on; not here." I beg yet can pretty much tell he is not going to be for leaving the room.

"No!" He yells, yup told ya, "You want to explain, want to make me understand well make me understand! Because to me it's completely confusing how I can't touch you, get near you without you jumping away from me! Without you pushing me back or telling me to stop! But then you went and did what you did!"

"I know you are not doing that! I know there is no way you are doing this." I growl finding this all unbelievable.

"Doing what Brooke? Not just being completely ok with what you did?"

"You are not throwing that in my face!" I yell now completely livid, "There is no way in hell the boy I have fallen for would ever throw that back at me." I clench my jaw not believing he said that, not believing at all this stupid argument is because I don't want to have sex with him! "You know exactly why I don't want that happening!"

"I don't know why because you won't damn talk about it! It's like in your head you don't discuss it, don't think about it or bring it up it didn't happen! Well guess what Brooke it happened ok!" He yells at me and it's like I don't even control my body or anything when my hand flies hitting him right across the face.

"Brooke!" I hear the gasp of my mom and the kids but I don't care, it's like for the past few weeks with everything building up all came out with that one slap and now I know the gates have flown open and every emotion inside both of us is about to come out.

"Don't!" I hiss, my eyes swelling with tears as I shove my finger in his face, him keeping his head in the position it turned when I hit him, "Don't say that too me! Don't ever tell me I act like it didn't happen. I know it happened, I know better than anyone what happened!"

"Really?" His tone is cold turning to look at me. "You really are the only one who knows what you are feeling?"

"You don't know what I am feeling Lucas! No one does and what I feel is completely justified." I growl spinning on my heels away from him, him being right that right now I don't want to be within ten feet of him.

"I didn't say it wasn't justified Brooke!" He says as I spin around to look at him, "I understand what you are feeling ok! I get it and I am not going to push you on anything but god damn it I can't have you pushing me away!" He snaps back at me running his hands through his hair and I don't know where that came from. I don't get how we went from us talking about some stupid kiss, turned into my slapping him, us fighting once again and me pushing him away. I don't know how it got to this point but hell if we aren't here.

"I am not pushing you away! Just because I don't want to have you touch me doesn't mean I am pushing you away!" I yell and see my mom and the kids look down at the ground as the rest of the people in the room look more than uncomfortable.

"No Brooke you aren't pushing; you are shoving!" He yells and I see my family looking at us, giving the look of wanting to leave the room but almost like they are frozen. Almost like they can't get their feet to listen to their brain and they are frozen listening to everything.

"Fine I am shoving! You don't understand Lucas, you don't get! You aren't feeling what I am feeling!" I yell back cursing the tears that are threatening to fall. God damn him for making me get upset over this again. I thought he was ok with everything that was going on, that after his accident he would be ok with what I was feeling. Honestly I thought I would be ok with it, that the thought of losing him made me realize I just need to get over it but I can't get over it. I can't and I don't know why, "You won't ever get it! I lost my baby!" I yell and hear the shock of the room who didn't know this. I mean yeah my family knew, yeah my grandparents knew but not the entire family, I mean we didn't send out a news letter or something, "It's not there anymore! There is nothing there! My baby is gone!"

"No Brooke," Lucas shakes his head at me, "You lost _our _baby. _Our _baby is gone." He says and I don't think I have ever seen the look of pain like this on my boyfriend's face before, "Yeah maybe you feel something differently, more pain than I do because you had him or her inside of you, you knew about it when it was alive and I just found out after the fact but I still lost my baby. That baby was still just as much a part of me as it was you and it doesn't mean that I don't think about it every day."

"Lucas…" I whisper not thinking about that before. Wow I must be just a bitch thinking I was the only one hurt by all this, that I was the only one who lost something here.

"Brooke I love you." Lucas sighs shaking his head from side to side, "But you're killing us." He frowns and I feel my whole heart shatter, "I am trying so hard here. I am trying everything I can to get you to understand, to get you to realize I love you but I swear to god it's not working."

I need to say something, I need some amazing speech of love to fix this but I swear as I stand in front of him and no words seem to come out. Like I think I have become a mute or something. My mouth opens and it closes and it opens just to close again. What is wrong with me?

"I wish sometimes I could just read what was going on in your head because I think if I could I might be able to understand some of this. I am here Brooke, I am right here in front of you but it's like it doesn't matter. It's like no matter what I do I can't get you to open up to me about what you are feeling! I swear there is like something programmed in your head that runs as soon as I get to close. Like you open up just a little and then slam it off as soon as it doesn't go exactly how you thought."

"I'm just scared." I whisper almost ashamed looking down studying the ground and just like that day in my bedroom all those months back notice how Papa should redo the carpet, that Grandmama should paint another picture to hang on the back wall, just like our first ever talk I focus on anything but the boy in front of me.

"Of being happy?" He questions and I just look straight at the ground, "God I swear I don't get it! I mean I don't get anything and I am so sorry Tori that I am having this little spill here and Jerry and BJ doing it in the middle of your family party but I just don't know what I am supposed to be doing here." He confesses throwing his hands in the air and it almost irritates me when I see _my_ grandmother and _my _Papa smile waving their hand at him. Like they are agreeing with his little outburst on me, "Brooke I have made it more than clear in all the ways I know that if you just trust me I am not going to hurt you! But you just let your insecurities take over every damn time. You let the fact your mom has gotten hurt play a factor in _our_ relationship."

"I don't do that!" I yell missing the hurt look my mom has, well trying to miss it but it kind of hard when it's slapping you completely across the face.

"You do, do that!" He yells back shaking his head at me, "Brooke I told you, I promised I was never going to leave you but I don't know maybe I shouldn't have promised it."

"Lucas…" I am almost pleading whatever the hell is about to come out of his mouth; he stops right there. That he doesn't just end us in the middle of my whole family but I can't get anymore words out because as soon as he said he shouldn't have promised it my throat tightens up and my breath becomes weak and I feel sick.

"Maybe…." He shakes his head as he thinks and I hate I can't read his face, I can't read anything, "Maybe my promise should have been I am never going to leave you because I _stopped_ loving you. That promise I can actually keep because honestly having someone shove you away, even if it hurts like hell to lose them, having the person you love running away from you, you can really only take so much of." He confesses as he walks pass me his arm grazing mine as he did.

I hear him give another apology to my grandparent, I hear as Tony follows him up the stairs and I hear as someone in the place whispers something to someone else but I honestly don't move. I just stay focused on the empty spot my boyfriend was just standing in taking deep breaths and swallowing hard as tears fall.

I feel like maybe if I just don't move this wouldn't be happening, that my boyfriend possibly just breaking up with me didn't happen and that maybe if I close my eyes tight enough I will somehow transport back into the first night I brought him here, the first night we were ever together because I would do so many different things if that happened.

* * *

The water moving under the bridge beneath me is making a peaceful sound. It's almost soothing, relaxing and if tears weren't dropping from my eyes into the water below it would be a perfect scene.

The sound of leaves crunching behind me should scare me, they are heavy, loud, and the breaking of the old dead leaves makes my body cringe a little but I don't move. I don't turn to see who is approaching me because honestly unless said footsteps are going to kill me my night can't get any worse.

Yet then the body gets closer and the wind blows giving me a familiar scent which makes me completely at ease. Figure he would be the one to come see me.

"Figured I would find you here," his deep gravelly voice says as he sits down next to me dropping his feet of the old wooden bridge, letting them dangle like mine.

"Yeah," my voice is weak and more of a whisper as I wipe the tears that just won't stop.

"Remember the first time I brought you here?" He questions as I lay my head on his shoulder, "It was just kind of like tonight."

"Yeah, it was dark, scary and I got in a huge fight in front of everyone." I let out a bitter laugh thinking about it as he just chuckles.

"You had that fight with Richard if I remember and it was all because he took away your baby bear and if I recall you kicked him," he chuckles making me let out a laugh.

"He should have known better then to take something away from me my Papa gave me. He was just jealous I love you more."

"Well what can I say, I'm awesome," he jokes making me smile more.

"You're the best Papa, I love you," I whisper staring into the water below.

"I love you too Honey Bun," he whispers kissing the top of my head, "I also remember how scared you were."

"Well I was four and it was dark and you were trying to get me to jump off a bridge," I remind him.

"I know, I know," he laughs as we stay quiet a few minutes. "Remember what I told you though?" He asks and I nod, "I said you can't let the fear of something enable you from trying it. Don't ever let the fear stop you from taking a plunge because you never know what it might bring."

"I know," I tell him dragging in a long shaky breath, "But this is different Papa. This isn't just about jumping into some water."

"You know I was a lot like you when I was younger," Papa says as he tosses a rock in the water, "I wasn't for the whole falling in love thing. I understood love was real and out there but I just never thought I would have one of those long lasting relationships, but then I saw your Grandmother." His whole face lights up as I lift my head to look at him, "Me and my friend were sitting outside his house and she and her cousin walked by and as soon as I saw her I knew I was a goner. I was never nervous around girls but when we stopped to talk to them I don't think I even put a real sentence together, I was more than positive she thought I was just stupid." He says making me laugh, "Yet we talked to them a few minutes and then they left, continued walking down the street."

"You just let her leave?" I ask not believing that, I thought they just met at school, didn't know it was a random chance meeting and not believing Papa just let her walk away.

"Yeah I did. I let her walk down the street and kept talking to Billy, my friend, yet the whole time we were talking I kept thinking about her. Thinking how she was probably the most beautiful girl I had ever seen and I don't know I didn't want to let her go that easy. So we jumped in the car and started driving hoping to pass them again and for some reason with all the million back roads and main roads we turned on the road they were walking on and there they were and I just knew and I looked at Billy and one told him I saw her first and second that I was going to marry that girl."

"And you did." I grin loving their love, it's the best and most amazing anyone could ask for.

"I did." He smiles looking down as he thinks, "But we had our problems, we really did. Her parents loved me yet her dad wasn't crazy about my motorcycle and her mom wasn't crazy about me being four years older; they thought we were too serious for her being so young but I didn't care. With her moving states, me being shipped off to war it didn't matter because it always just came back to the fact we loved each other."

"And love can fix everything."

"Well not everything but it can fix a hell of a lot. Now I don't know what you feel for Lucas. I don't know what you feel inside or what your head is telling you and I don't know if your heart is working against your head but I do know one thing…" He pauses turning to look at me dead in the eye, "I see that look he gives you, it's very much like the one I give your Grandmother and its one that the person giving almost hates having. No one wants to be the one in the relationship that loves the most but it happens. I know with everything inside of me your Grandmother loves me more than anything, that her life is not complete without me in it but I also know there is not a day that passes that I don't go to bed praying to God he takes me first because I can't live a life without her every morning."

"But its hard Papa, it hurts so much." I hold my hand to my heart as tears once again blur my vision, "I am so petrified that he is going to leave me; that soon he is going to not want to be with me anymore and I would rather push him away before he pushes me."

"But he is not going to push you away." He lets out a small laugh shaking his head, "Brooke you are not your mother. You are two totally different people yet sadly you are totally the same. You carry her insecurities, her fears and her way of thinking. You will take the small fear of getting hurt and shove it away because to you it's easier when in reality it's not."

"But I'm losing him already, I can feel it. I feel in my heart he is disappearing and I feel him slowly not wanting to be with me anymore."

"Then you fight for him. You fight like hell, push everything out of the way and never, ever let him go." He looks me dead in the eyes as I slowly nod, "You are slowly killing that boy inside Brooke, everyone sees it, the pain he feels only because of the pain you feel. When you love someone as much as I love your Grandmother or Lucas's does you all you want to do is protect them and god you see that all over his face, the killing pain inside by him knowing he can't protecting you anymore. That he knows the one thing in this world he wants to give everything to he can't and it's like a slow eating away pain."

"God it's not fair!" I yell taking a rock and throwing it in the water, "This relationship is so hard. It's like through the whole thing we are fighting, breaking up, having maybe a few good weeks of bliss and then something goes wrong and it's not supposed to be this hard Papa, love isn't supposed to be this difficult."

"Says who huh? Who out there said love was an easy meet, fall, marriage, happiness? I will tell you, no one because that isn't true. If you feel like this love is hopeless, that this relationship is not something that might last forever then what is the point still being in it?"

"Because…because I can't picture my life without him in it." I admit knowing it's true, "Even at just 18, I can't see a day when Lucas isn't there, a future with him not in it."

"Then you just have to accept its going to be hard. That you will fight, you might have another break up and another big blown out fight in front of everyone but if it's true, if this is what is supposed to be then at the end of the day it will be ok. Trust me I would rather fight with your Grandmother then love anyone else."

"What if he is done with me though? You saw him Papa he said he was going to leave me."

"No what I heard was someone who felt at the end of his rope and not sure on what he was supposed to do anymore. That feared that he was losing the girl he loves and trying to accept the fact she just may not love him anymore."

"But I do! God I do love him and I do want to be with him!"

"Then tell him that." He says in his calming tone as I drop my shoulders with a sigh, "Don't tell me; tell him."

* * *

Walking up the stairs to where I know my boyfriend is I let my footsteps be quiet. I am shaking so much, my tears have stopped but they are still there and my gaze is slightly blurred by it and it feels with every step my heart races more and my breaths become shakier.

Holding onto the door handle the door slides over the dark carpet into the dark room and I see my boyfriend sitting on the edge of the bed face buried in his hands and thinking. He is thinking so much and my heart is racing so fast as I slowly slide the door, shutting it behind me yet he doesn't move. He just stays completely still.

Shaking my head I move faster across that bedroom then anyone I have ever known and pull myself into his lap. I knock his hands away from his face, place my knees on either side of his legs, wrap my arms so tight around his neck I might suffocate him and I start to cry again.

"Please don't leave me." I beg as he slowly almost hesitantly wraps his arms around my shaking frame, "Please Luke, please. I need you." I cry burying my face in his neck, "I don't work without you; I don't know how to work without you." My shaky voice cracks as I pray to everything that he doesn't leave me, "I'll do whatever, I'll open up; I won't push you away. I will do whatever you want just please Lucas, please don't leave me."

"Brooke…" He finally speaks rubbing his hand slowly up and down my back.

"I love you so much Lucas. I have never in my life loved someone or something as much as I love you. I can't lose you." I tell him pulling from my death grip and kissing him. I kiss him and I know it surprises him as I try to shove my tongue past his lips but he doesn't let me. They just stay locked together as I whimper slamming my eyes tight shaking my head, "Please Lucas." I lean my forehead against his holding his face in my hands.

"Brooke…" He frowns and when he opens his mouth to speak I get scared and just kiss him again. I just slam my mouth into his so hard our bodies fall back onto the bed. I'm still crying which sucks but he is kissing me back which makes it better. My body is lying across his and he is kissing me just not like he normally does, my kiss is desperate, his is just like it's going in a steady motion with mine but not putting much more effort into it. I pull away from our kiss long enough to pull my top off before collapsing back on top of him and kissing him again, yet again he isn't kissing me back and when my hand travels down to undo his jeans he pushes my hand away.

"Brooke stop," he pushes me off running his hands over his face. "Just stop."

"Don't you want me?" I question feeling my heart break.

"No," he tells me quickly and I look away from him out the dark window in front of me. He has never said that to me before, he has never pushed me off him, or plain out told me he didn't want me before.

"Oh my god," my heart shatters into a million pieces as I climb off him and the bed, "I'm sorry." I apologize grabbing my shirt off the ground holding it close to my body and for the first time feeling uncomfortable around my boyfriend, first time feeling embarrassed around him, "I'm sorry." I repeat moving towards the door.

"Brooke wait, I didn't-" yet I cut off the sound of his voice by shutting the door and taking off down the hall to the darkened room at the end.

_I am probably the most screwed up person in the whole world! I really don't know one person who might be more screwed up then me. I don't deserve him, I don't deserve anything that Lucas gives me and he is right I am shoving him away but I don't know how to stop! I don't know how to fix me because I want to, I want to not be so screwed up and be happy but it's like every time we get in a good place something happens. Something knocks us down and I don't want it to happen anymore._

_In the last months I have been so happy. I have honestly never been happier and I don't know why I can't just let myself be happy with being happy. I don't know why I can't just wake up and realize I have a great guy who loves me! He is so in love with me and everyone sees it, everyone knows it I even know it but I still push him away._

_The feelings I have building up in me are getting too much to handle and I think that is why I exploded earlier. God I can't believe I slapped him! I can't believe I reared back and hit the person who probably cares about me more than anyone I have ever known. _

_I can't lose him. _

_Alright that is the main thing that I know for sure. I may be confused on my thoughts, my feelings, my wants and everything but I know for a fact I cannot lose Lucas. I need him in my life, he has been such a constant that I don't know if I will know how to act or work if he isn't here anymore._

_But how do I get him to get that? How do I make him see that I need him here with me still? I'm so scared he thinks I forgot, that I don't want or need him anymore but I do. He was right earlier, it was _our_ baby, it wasn't just mine and for some reason, for some selfish reason I forgot that. _

_I forgot that he could feel pain, that just because I felt our baby that it was somehow any less his. What kind of person am I? What kind of person thinks that way and how can I say I love him when I don't for a second even think about what he is feeling, what he wants._

"God," I wipe a tear that slipped off my eye as I toss my diary back in purse. I need to see Lucas, I need to make us right again and I need to find him. Standing up, I check my appearance in the mirror, I fix my smudge make up and I go on search for him.

He isn't in the bedroom when I pass by nor is he anywhere upstairs and as I wonder downstairs my heart is probably racing faster than it has in my entire life by what I am about to do. Lucas has proven himself to me over and over again and it's about time I do it. It's my turn to give the boy I love the declaration of love and I am ready to do that; that is if I can find him.

I step onto the last step into the finished basement walking into the large room to find him sitting talking to Jason and Tony, I don't know what they are talking about but I can give you a guess as my boyfriend runs his hands through his hair. He has a habit of doing that when he is nervous, or hurt, just one more thing I have noticed about him.

Everyone is talking among themselves until I walk into the room and when I do it's like a domino effect of eyes landing on me and people tapping the person next to them making them turn and look at me. I'm pretty sure every eye in this place is on me but the ones I want on me.

Swallowing hard I clear the lump that has formed in my throat and extremely raspy and cracked I talk, "Hi," and Lucas's head shots up to look at me and I see all the pain on that face I have grown to love so much and I want so bad to erase it, "Umm…" I mumble tossing a nervous glance at Papa who gives me a wink, "Alright I don't… I don't know where to start this." I confess taking in a deep breath, "but I know I want to start this." Yeah that probably sounded stupid, I really need to plan out the way things I want more before I go and do them, "But ok so about two weeks ago I found out I was pregnant."

I see how everyone mumbles something to each other, share whispers and looks and I just shake my head not caring because there is nothing wrong with me, what happened wasn't something to be ashamed of and I let them all know that quickly, "I'm not embarrassed by that, I don't feel like I am a whore for getting pregnant as a teen because my baby wasn't made out of some one night of drunkenness, my baby was made out of complete love because god I love you Luke," I address just him locking my eyes on those gorgeous orbs that just seem to see everything that is me, "But you see I…" then my voice cracks and the words get caught in my throat and I have to look down a second to get control my emotions.

"Brooke sweetie…" I hear Grandma start to say but I shake my head at her to stop then hear Papa whisper a 'let her talk' as I look back up at everyone.

"I lost my baby." I whisper out as a tear slips down my cheek, "I lost _our_ baby." I say looking back at my boyfriend, "Then not only did I find out I lost our baby I found out I can't have kids at all anymore."

"Brooklyn." One of my Aunts sigh shaking her head as her along with a few others cover their hand to the mouth's shocked by this.

"I remember the night I told you I loved you." I start talking to just my boyfriend but still standing locked on the other side of the room away from him, "Do you remember?" I ask stupidly as once again my voice cracks being I'm sure no more than a small whisper.

"Of course I do." He whispers back to me and I nod for a second as we stay quiet.

"We were fighting once again." I shrug and he nods this time knowing this, "I'm pretty sure I called you an idiot," I give a dry laugh making everyone give a small laugh before going silent again, "But while telling you that you were an idiot I yelled I loved you and then I ran out of the house." I again get a laugh from everyone.

"I know Pretty Girl," he gives a small smile and my heart does a flip that he said Pretty Girl, least as of now I'm still his Pretty Girl.

"Then you chased after me since all you seem to do is chase after me because I'm a complete idiot who runs too much. Then you grabbed me and kissed me and said you loved me too," I biting my trembling lip giving a small shrug, "Then we went inside and we made love and you gave me a look no one in my entire life has ever given me and that look scared me."

"Brooke…" He stands up and I take a step back making him stop on the other side of the room.

"It scared me because I saw myself getting everything I ever wanted," I cry. "Because I saw myself being completely happy and in love and content with my life and I let myself fall for that happiness. I let myself give myself to you completely and I saw the happy ending at the end of the road. I saw myself getting that stupid white house with the damn picket fence things because I saw you giving me everything I wanted, but then I took that test and…"

"It's ok," Lucas says when I look down losing my words again, "Pretty Girl it's ok." but I shake my head wanting to finish, needing to finish.

"And it said positive, it said I was having a baby, your baby and as bad as it sounds I was again happy." I confess once again swallowing hard, "I was happy because it felt almost right. Even though I was so terrified I felt like you were going to make it ok so I didn't need to worry. That our baby was just on the path to the happy ending, but then when I went to the doctor and I heard lost it," I shake my head of the thoughts and I look over seeing mom wipe her eye quickly, "I got scared again. I saw everything I was happy for crumbling around me and I couldn't stop it and it was like a realization that things don't stay perfect. Things don't stay and happen the way it supposed to happen."

I wipe my tears quickly inhaling a deep breath to finish, "I had this fear inside of me that we were going to be together forever-"

"Why does that scare you?" Lucas cuts me off almost annoyed sounding and I know how frustrated he is, "Why are you not ok with being with me forever?"

"Because I had this fear of you feeling stuck," I confess and see his shoulders drop, "I had this fear that you would be with me because you felt you _had_ to and I hate the fact I can't ever give you a baby because I know you want kids someday and I can't give you that. I won't ever be able to give you that." I see how stunned he is by that fact, by that fear and I see him open his mouth to speak but just closing it again not sure what to say, "I am not meaning to push you away Lucas I'm just scared. I'm scared of feeling what I felt when I lost our baby all over again and I guess a part of me blamed you for it all." I admit and see the pain take over his whole face and body.

"You…you blamed me?" He whispers more to himself looking at the ground like he was trying to figure everything out, figure out why I blamed him.

"You promised to take care of me," I break giving a shrug.

"Brooke…" He starts moving towards me as I stand still.

"You promised me if I just gave myself to you completely you would protect me and then I did and I broke more than I ever thought possible. I got completely shattered and I was so mad at you for not protecting me from that pain like you promised."

"I'm sorry Pretty Girl," he whispers when he is now in front of me taking my face in his hands, "God I'm so sorry."

"I don't want to push you away I just don't want to wake up one day and you not be here since I can't give you everything you ever want in life." I bit my lip as tears start to pour over, "Luke I can't have a baby."

"We are going to get you your baby one day Pretty Girl. You are going to get that baby and you are going to be an amazing mother."

"But I can't promise you that. Why do you want to be with me if we are never going pass just this right here?"

"Because I love you," he smiles a little wiping my tears with his thumb, "Because I don't want to be with anyone but you and it doesn't matter what they can give me, or that you can't promise me a child and they can because they won't matter to me. None of that matters to me unless it's with you."

"But I want you happy."

"And as long as I am with you I am happy Brooke," He tells me. "As long as I have you in my life nothing else matters because the only time I am happy completely is when I am with you. And I know when it's time you will get that baby because you are way to amazing, and would be the most amazing mother not to get your baby." He smiles and I nod, "You're going to be happy Brooke Davis," He tells me and I let out a small sob, "You can fight it as much as you want and you can challenge me every step of the way but you are going to have to accept the fact you will be happy and you are stuck with me," he gives a comforting smile making me laugh.

"I don't mind being stuck with you." I finally smile as I look up at him, "I don't mind at all."

"Good," He grins brushing my hair out of my face, "Now come here." He whispers pulling me into him, wrapping his arms around my body and lifting me up some to kiss him. It's a real kiss, the one I love to share with him and one that I have been so desperate for I don't even care if it's in front of my entire family, all that matters right now, in this moment is the boy holding me.

"I'm breaking Lucas…" I finally confess pulling out of our kiss, "I'm breaking so fast."

"I know baby, I know you are." He brushes my tears away, "And we are going to fix you. I promise ok. I _promise_ I am going to make sure you get better." He stresses the word promise and I can't help but nod and can't help but believe him.

* * *

"I'm sorry." I apologize as I sit in Lucas's lap on the couch in the back room away from everyone else.

"For what?" He questions as I cup his cheek running my finger across his bottom lip.

"For slapping you…I don't know why I did it. I just…"

"Shh…" Lucas hushes me shaking his head, "I deserved that. What I said was beyond wrong and I am the one that is sorry. I guess I was seeing you slip away and I was hurt and I just spoke without thinking."

"I know but I'm still sorry."

"It's ok." He promise kissing me softly, "But least I know now my girl hits like a champ." He jokes making me laugh.

"You're so dumb." I roll my eyes playfully at him my fingers stroking his cheek.

"But you love me for it." He grins letting his thumb slip under my shirt and stroking the side of my stomach.

"Yeah I do." I grin kissing him again, slowly getting more comfortable in kissing him again, "And I'm sorry I was so stupid about you touching me."

"No." He shakes his head fast, "Brooke that is not at all a problem for me ok, I understand. I know I am a dick but I swear I understand." He tells me and I just nod, "I meant what I said that night Brooke, I want you comfortable with me again, I want you to feel safe with me again and when you are ready for that I am ready. If I have to wait weeks or months for it I understand. Being with you has never been about sex."

"I know…" I tell him knowing with everything in me that is never been what he has been after, "But I do feel safe with you Lucas, I always have and I promise I am going to let you know when I am ready again."

"It's fine Pretty Girl. Never think it's not." He tells me and I nod resting my head on his chest as we sit cuddled on the couch and he kisses the top of me head.

"Brooke…" I look up from sitting on the couch with my boyfriend to see Papa walking over to us.

"Hey Papa…" I smile as he sits down on the foot rest in front of Lucas, Rachel, Tony and me, "What's up?"

"Well this coming up weekend your Grandmama and I have the condo for the week and we were going to leave Sunday." He tells me and I nod figuring this. They share a condo down in Florida with about four other families and about every two months they get to go down sometimes one week, sometimes two. We have been vacationing with them since mom and Richard got divorced and let me tell you how hard it is being in a two bedroom condo with eight people, it sometimes gets crowded.

"Well it's just your grandmother and I have been talking and we don't really want to go this week. I have a doctor's appointment, and she has something she has to do." He waves his hand around like he is annoyed with her yet everyone knows this man is never annoyed with her.

"Oh ok." I nod somewhat confused.

"Well like I said we were talking and if ya'll wanted to and were safe about it thought maybe if you wanted could go down for the week." He offers pulling his key out to show us.

"Seriously?" Tony pops up, almost knocking Rachel out of his lap as he did.

"Yeah, but like I said ya'll have to be safe, don't do anything stupid."

"We promise." I reach for the key but he pulls it back before I can get it.

"Brooke I'm serious. We had some kids go down a few year back and destroy the place and as a group we made a rule about teenagers going down. But figured Tony is 23 and Lucas is 22 so I am not technically sending teenagers down and not have adults with them." He shrugs making me smile.

"I promise Papa we will be good. We will be more than good I swear!" I hug him tight extremely excited, I think a trip away will be fantastic.

"Alright well be good." He kisses the top of my head standing up and walking away.

"Trip in Florida yay!" Rachel claps her hands excited.

"Who said you were invited?" Tony raises his brow at her as she scoffs at him.

"Like I would ever let my baby be down in Florida with beach skanks going after him, hell no." She tells him making me laugh. I have slowly grown to very much love the relationship of my brother and best friend, now sometimes it still weird's me out but they are actually amazingly cute.

"Mmm…ok." Tony smiles as they roll back into the couch, mouths glued to each other.

"What you say Broody?" I turn to Lucas, "You want to go on a trip with me?"

"Yeah Pretty Girl," he smiles pulling me down kissing me. "I want to go on a trip with you," he whispers when I rest my head against his.

"We're getting there Boyfriend," I whisper. "We are becoming us again." I tell him and he nods a smile as he leans up kissing me again.

* * *

**Hey loves! So I know I have taken a little longer to update then normal but I hope I didn't disappoint! Life has become pretty crazy the last few weeks and work is slowly kicking my tail! The long days and hours of being on my feet all day when I FINALLY get home I just want to _CRASH! _But I did have some time and decided to write! I normally send my chapters off to get revised but I figured since I have been taking so long I would just put it up tonight so try and look passed all the errors (not sure if there are a lot but yeah.)**

**Also SEQUEL!**

**I really want to know if ya'll want one. I have already about 5 chapters written if ya'll do and it goes back and forth between POV'S. Now if you all just want me to end it I have a chapter I have written to end it that can either go at the end of this one or the SEQUEL so I really just want to know what you all want! I don't want to write it if no one wants to read it but I just LOVE the Brooke and Lucas in this story! I dont know why but I do so please please please let me know! Depending on how many votes I get on wanting it one way or the other decides what will go down.**

**So again hope you all enjoyed! Please Review! **


	38. Chapter 38

"How come I feel like this is a very _bad_ idea?" I voice my opinion that has been racing through my head since this little _plan_ has been announced.

"I don't know because you think half the things we do is a bad idea," Nash struggles and I roll my eyes.

"It's not a bad idea," Lucas tells me but I still don't think he is right, I think it's a terrible idea. "It's not even that big of a deal," he shrugs, grabbing his wallet off the counter and sliding it in his back pocket.

"I personally think this is a fabulous idea," Heath gives that little grin making me want to slap him.

"You think _everything_ is a fabulous idea if alcohol is involved," Rachel scoffs as we both lean up against the counter with our arms crossed.

"That is not at all true," he objects. "Wait, maybe it is," he says getting a laugh from the guys as the finish getting ready for their night out.

"_Sissy,_" Tony mocks my nickname Aiden gave me, only really using it one, when he wants something and is pouting and two when he is drunk. Right now it's the first but I'm just waiting for the latter one tonight. "It's our little Jay's 21st birthday and he is not going with us to Florida, we have to take him out."

"But tonight?" I raise my brow with an annoyed look. I mean I get they want to take him out, I mean he is 21 yay cartwheel for that, but why can't they do this little boys night when we get back. "You do realize we are going to Florida in the morning, which means," I pause looking at my phone, "Eleven hours. You idiots can't be hungover on the way there, because I am not driving."

"Neither am I, if ya'll are dumb enough to get completely wasted before we go on a ten hour drive then fine, not my problem," Rachel agrees, clearly not agreeing with this amazing decision they are making.

"Well you both love two of the idiots so what does it say about you?" Jason questions as he rolls up his sleeve to just below his elbow.

"I'm thinking that means Brooke and I need to find new guys," Rachel jokes making both of our boys freeze giving a _'that's not funny'_ look.

"B look," Jason walks over placing his hands on my shoulders. "Mom is out for the night, Kylee is staying the night with a friend and Aiden is at Papa and Grandmama's house; you and Rach have the entire house to yourselves to do whatever you want. Stay in, go out, hell go roll a house I don't care but I do know that ya'll get a trip to Florida while I get to work so suck it the hell up!" He pats my head before walking over and grabbing the keys, tossing them to Nash.

"Well maybe he is right B," I look over at Rachel who has her mind working. "If they can go out why can't we?"

"What?" Tony slowly perks up and jumps into our conversation.

"Hmm that's true," I ponder the thought. "You know I heard that a lot of the kids we went to school with are having like this party down at the beach. We could go; I haven't seen them in awhile."

"That doesn't sound like something ya'll should do," Lucas chimes in.

"Yeah it's dark," Tony agrees but we just both act like we don't hear them.

"You know I heard about that. Cooper actually might be there, maybe we could catch up," Rachel jokes and I have to bite back the laugh when I see my brother's face.

"That's it we aren't going," Tony drops his wallet and keys on the table.

"I know this was a stupid plan," Lucas agrees as they both fall down on the table. "Going out on your 21st birthday is not that big of a deal."

"Oh my god ya'll are so whipped!" Jason rolls his eyes making Heath and Nash laugh.

"Look just because you don't have someone who wants you doesn't mean we are stupid enough screw up with the ones we do," Tony points at him, now making Rach and I laugh.

Then like always being the most amazing people we are Rachel and I saw a look before shaking our heads and at the same times going, "Tony, Broody," with a small pout.

"Yes?" both give a sweet little grin as we walk over placing our hands on their shoulders.

"Ya'll can go," Rachel gives a childish look that I copy.

"We just want ya'll to come home in one piece because we want this trip to be great," I explain getting goose bumps when Lucas places his hands on my hips pulling me into him. His hands feel so warm on my cool skin.

"It will be great," Lucas says moving his hand slowly down my hip and to the outside of my thigh.

"Ok ya'll are annoyingly sick," Heath groans making us laugh a little.

"We will be in the car. Ya'll pansy asses come on when you find balls!" Jason yells as they start heading out of the house.

"Check Rachel and Brooke's purse!" We all hear Nash yell before the door closes.

"You know I don't even like them," Lucas looks over at Tony who laughs.

"Yeah me neither I don't know why we even hang out with them," he agrees making Rachel and I laugh. "But my beautiful baby I have to go," he pats Rachel's hip as she steps back with a pout.

"Stay out of trouble," she points at him making him laugh a little.

"I will, promise," he lifts her chin giving her a small kiss. "I love you," he whispers as he leans his forehead against hers and I'm pretty sure shock just spread across my entire face.

"I love you too," she whispers back before slowly pushing her lips back against his, yet they don't break apart, just slowly move backwards towards the front door, lips still hooked together.

"Did you hear that?" I point my thumb over my shoulder.

"Hear what?" Lucas asks, his eyes not at all on my face, just slowly running over my body as I stand here. "Sorry," he grins all innocently when I place my finger under his chin and tilt his head up to look at me. "What were you saying?"

"Nothing," I shake my head just figuring I will dismiss the thought of Rachel and Tony. Their whole relationship has been confusing me; I don't know why this is any different. Those two just keep throwing me through a loop, and though I would never assume that they would end up together I would definitely never assume they would ever use the L word; I mean they use to make it seem it was the dirtiest word in the world, but hey they just said it.

"You sure?" He asks rubbing his hand slowly up and down my leg making my whole body tingle. I forgot how much of an affect his small touches have on me.

"Mhmm…" I nod, slowly running my hand down his arm and taking his hand in mine, bringing his hand to my lips and kissing it.

"I should go," he stands up his body pushing up against mine.

"Yeah," I agree, slowly lifting on my toes and pushing a kiss to his perfect lips. "Please be careful."

"We will," his nods, his hand playing with my hair. "Are you and Rachel going out to that beach thing?"

"We might," my hand tightens on the side of his shirt, pulling him closer. "If ya'll aren't to _wasted_ maybe you can come by and see me."

"We don't get wasted," he rolls his baby blues. "We just drink _some_."

"Whatever," I laugh peering up under my lashes at him.

"Be careful tonight," he leans his forehead against mine making me smile. "Keep Rachel out of trouble because I know she can get into it and bring you with her."

"I will," I agree, "See you when you get back," I grin but still standing still, paying close attention to his fingers creeping up under my shirt and rubbing my skin.

"Oh gag," we both come out of our trance to see Rachel leaning against the door frame. "You two are not doing that saying bye a million times before leaving are you?"

"Of course not," I object resting my head on Lucas's chest. "I just don't like him leaving me," I shrug knowing that after our crazy past few weeks I just want him with me all the time, not out with the guys drinking.

"I won't be out long," he drops a kiss to my head.

"Ok, well I will probably be asleep when you get back; so if I am just come on in my room," I left my head to look at him.

"Sounds like a plan," he lifts my chin a little higher and pushing a kiss to my lips. "Bye baby," he winks releasing me from his arms and heading towards the door. "Rach, don't get into trouble," he jokes, yet still a little serious as he walks out and we hear the front door shut.

"Why do they always assume _I_ am the one to get _you_ into trouble?" Rachel asks like she is truly offended.

"Because you normally are," I tease and she just sends me a playful glare that I laugh at. "Come on ya whore," I grab her arm dragging her towards my room.

"Are we going to the beach tonight?" she asks falling on my bed as I walk over to my closet.

"I don't know do you want to?" I toss a glance over my shoulder seeing her shrug.

"I mean I told Tony I would and he said if we do to let him know because they may come by," she tells me with a huge grin when her phone goes off.

"Let me guess Tony?" I raise my brow and making her try to hide her smile yet it is useless. "You know I'm ok with it now," I state seeing her lift her head to look at me. "I will admit at first it was really weird, sometimes it's still weird, but I haven't seen you or Tony this happy in a long time; I like it."

"You know I never meant for it to happen," she tells me and I nod knowing that. "I know we flirted and joked but I never thought it would really happen. Yet I don't know what happened, that night we were just dancing and he was making me laugh and I hadn't laughed for real in such a long time Brooke. But I admit I was for some reason a little jealous of Ryann talking to him and then he called and I was upset about Cooper, my parents were leaving that night to go out of town, so I was alone and lonely and he just came by."

"Did you ask him too?" I wonder but she shakes her head no.

"He called like I said looking for you and I guess he noticed I had been crying so asked what was wrong and talked for awhile on the phone, well he said he didn't like me being home upset and alone and he was coming over. I of course said no because he was one drinking that night and two still doesn't have his license back but for some reason he came. We didn't really talk at first, just sat on the couch watching a movie, he didn't push it; he didn't ask anything just sat there. it was actually comforting that he sat on the other side of the couch, but we would just toss glances every now and again, scoot a little closer and before I knew it we were right next to each other, his arm around my shoulder and mine resting on his leg. I swear we looked at each other at one point and he gave me a look that freaked me out and I just shook my head, like without words I knew what he was thinking and it was in my mind wrong. He just leaned closer to me and asked me why and I said because of you."

"You really said that?" I ask not knowing why I am shocked, I just thought for some reason that would be Tony's first thought, kind of like how he would never let me get that close to his friends.

"Yeah, Brooke you don't get you are my _best_ friend. I mean yeah I have Haley and Peyton and all them but it is always going to be us. When things are bad I come to you, when I'm upset you, when I'm happy you. I wasn't going to do something stupid enough to mess that up."

"I know," I nod agreeing with her little spill. Rachel and I are best friends, no matter what, no matter what messes us up or stresses us out, we come to each other.

"So believe me when I say I tried but B I was so upset and he made me feel good for the first time in such a long time. He said stuff I knew he thought was true and he looked at me in a way no one in my life has looked at me and when he kissed me," she pauses biting her bottom lip with a smile plastered on her face. "God B when he kissed me I was like a goner, I would have done anything that boy wanted. I just need you to know that I would never let me and him affect you and me."

"I know Rach," I smile. "I can tell ya'll love each other. I'm happy for you both." I tell her honestly yanking her into a hug, "You're my best friend ever, I just want you happy."

"I am happy," she tells me and I know she is. I can see the way they look at each other she is nuts about my brother. "But anyway," she shakes her head of the smile. "What we doing tonight?"

* * *

"So I feel weird," I comment as I walk, arm linked with Rachel's as we head down a path through the woods.

"Why? Because we are hottier then all of them?" she jokes. "Shit," she curses when she steps in a small hole.

"No because I haven't seen any of them in like a year," I explain stepping out of the woods and into the music, camp fire, and sea of people. "Plus I never really hung out with these people in school," I look around noticing all the familiar faces but no faces of people I would think of as _friends._

"Yeah well I hung out with most of them but really couldn't stand them," she shrugs.

"Yeah they were all annoying. Plus did I tell you that some of them know Lucas?" I turn to look at her as she raises her brow, "Yeah, well since he graduated from Tree Hill they knew of him, and since he was Nathan's brother they have actually hung out with him."

"Like who is some of them?"

"Like Janice," I groan just thinking about the cheering slut even ten feet of my boyfriend; gross.

"He did not?" Rachel shows just as much disgust as I did the day I found out.

"He did, apparently at one of Dan's Christmas parties and if you think I took her informing me of that well you would be wrong," I tell her scanning the crowd and landing on the skank in question. "God I can't stand that girl and the thought of her touching him just makes me… ugh!"

"I bet, see that's why I chose not to think of any of the girls Tony did stuff with while at college because honestly I don't want to know," she crosses her arms over her chest and I know that is a lie.

"Really?"

"Ok I do but I just…" she sighs looking at the ground.

"You just what?" I look at my best friend who quickly got upset about something; what I don't know.

"I just don't want him to ask about the guys I have been with because we both know it's a little high," she frowns and I feel bad for my friend, I knew she would hate that fact one day and I know she knew that too; sadly here that day is.

"Rach…"

"I know you don't understand," she reads my mind quickly. "I envy you B, I wish I wanted until I was in love and I wish more than anything I would have waited for Tony like you did Lucas."

"Yeah," I sigh a little thinking about Lucas. "If it makes you feel better we haven't had sex in…" I trail off trying to remember the last time. "Almost three months I think," I tell her seeing the shock spread across her face.

"Are you serious?" she questions and I nod. "Damn, I thought ya'll went at it like rabbits. You are stronger than me, all Tony has to do is look at me and I jump him."

"Yeah," I laugh a little trying my best not to picture my best friend and brother going at it. "Well we did it the night we got back together, the next morning, then the night you and Tony got together, then the last time was that morning after at my grandparent's house."

"That was the time you got…"

"Yeah," I nod knowing what she was thinking as we start walking towards the crowd of people. "Then it seemed like every time we would get a chance to someone walked in or something came up and then after that I found out I was pregnant, I found out I lost our baby and then my body was almost freaked about it and it wasn't ready and now…" I trail off thinking.

"Now what?" She asks and I pause again turning to look at her.

"I'm scared," I confess. "I'm scared that it won't be like before, that my mind just won't be completely into it anymore because it's too busy thinking about what happened the last time and then he will think for some reason I'm not into him anymore and that's not it. I just don't want to not be like how it was and I am also scared I might…" I frown looking at the ground. "That I might get pregnant again and lose my baby again."

"Brooke…" Rachel places her hand on my shoulder and I blink a few times.

"I know that's dumb, I mean the doctor said it would be extremely hard to again but I just keep thinking I might and my body will again not be able to handle it and I will lose my baby all of again, I don't think I can handle that again."

"Brooke I can't even pretend that I understand what you are feeling but you have to know that whatever happens you aren't alone. If something happens you don't have to deal with it alone this time, you have us and you have Lucas."

"I know, I know I do it's just a fear I have to push myself to get over. I know Lucas won't push it but I do know it's hard for him."

"Yeah I mean he is a guy," Rachel shrugs making me laugh. "And you're hot as hell so that adds to the difficulty."

"Rach you are so stupid," I laugh shaking my head. "I love you but you are stupid."

"Yeah well," she shrugs grabbing a beer out of a cooler. "Here you go," she hands me a drink as we pop the top. "A toast," she holds her can up making me laugh, shaking my head again. "Here is to you and Lucas, me and Tony and to us, a friendship that has gone through too much shit to not be forever."

"Here is to that," I tap my can to hers and taking a sip as we look around at all the people.

"Brooke! Rachel!" We hear a squeal turning to see a bubbly blonde we have both actually missed.

"Bevin!" We both smile hugging the tipsy blonde and ignoring the guys around her who are still giving us the look of not belonging. Rachel was more into this crowd in high school and I definitely wasn't and it amazes me after a _year_ of being out of school some of the guys and girls still act as if someone like me shouldn't be around their group of friends. It's quite baffling.

"How are you?" I ask brushing a piece of hair out of my face.

"I'm doing pretty great!" she is her normal chipper person and I really have missed her. I don't think I have seen her since the night Lucas and I got back together and like I said before that's been almost three months. "How are you doing? Great I hope?" she asks yet her being Bevin starts talking before we can even answer, "Oh my god Brooke I forgot to tell you. So I went to the mall the other day and there was this top that I just loved so I bought it, but you see I get home and then I realized I just looked stupid in it so I thought like who would look great in this and I of course thought of you. I mean you can wear a garbage and look great, I swear you should just model clothes, they all fit you well."

"Thanks Bev," I smile shaking my head. Word of advice for anyone out there, if you are having a bad day just find Bevin because she will make you feel like a million bucks; she I know people think is ditzy but she has the best heart of anyone I know.

"Yeah it's at home but I will bring it by sometime," she flashes me a smile, pulling out her phone when it starts to ring, "Oh I have to get this, but I will talk to you later, love you both!" she blows a kiss before skipping off.

"You know who she would be great with?" I look over at Rachel who is thinking, I'm sure the same thing I am.

"Nash," we both say at the same time laughing. "We _might_ try and hook that up."

"Yes I agree; it might happen." I laugh sipping on my beer and feeling my phone going off in my back pocket.

"Hmm… I wonder who that is," Rachel teases as I look at my I.D.

"Oh like you haven't been texting Tony non-stop since we have gotten here," I roll my eyes, laughing at her 'whatever' as I answer my phone. "Boyfriend," I grin big chewing on my thumb nail.

"_Hello Pretty Girl what are you doing?" _I hear my boyfriend's voice making me of course smile.

"Nothing just hanging with Rach," I plug my left ear with my finger so I can hear Lucas better of the loud music.

"_Really? Are ya'll at the beach?_"

"Umm…yeah but I don't know how long we are going to stay, I forgot how much I didn't like these people," I kick a rock into the water as I walk away from the crowd.

"_Hey be nice, those people thought I was like god,_" he jokes making me roll my eyes.

"Oh god I think I just threw up a little," I tease, pretending to gag.

"_Hey Brooke?_"

"Yeah?" I take a sip of my beer and adjust my hair all to my right shoulder.

"_What are you wearing?_" he teases making my eyes widen.

"Luke!" I shriek, "You can't ask me that, you are with my brothers," I remind him knowing they are most likely in ear shot.

"_Hmm…well let me think then… I bet you have on that tight white sun dress that hits mid thigh, showing off those amazing legs of yours, your black leather jacket and a pair of… _" he pauses for a minute, "_Oh black flip flops you love._"

"Ok how did you do that?" I question turning around and looking around the people around me.

"_Well let's see…_" he again pauses, "_I am with your brothers, Nash and Heath, oh and do you remember Noah? He graduated with Nate but he is here and then Tim is here, well was I don't know where he went, oh and I think Rachel just came up to us._"

"What?" I spin around to where I just left Rachel finding her not there. "Where are you?"

"_Turn to your left,_" he instructs and I follow his orders. "_Now take I don't know…umm…fifteen steps forward, towards the fire._" He explains and I do as he asks, "_Damn baby you look really hot right now. You have that whole wind blowing thing going on. Oh and now your blushing which makes it even better._"

"Ok you are going to have to stop that, I don't like you being able to see me and I can't see you," I joke stopping about four steps from the fire.

"_Well then look up,_" he tells me and I look up to see him through the crackling fire. They guys scattered around his side and of course Rachel and Tony whispering something to each other and slowly walking off towards the water, I don't want to know what they are doing.

"Hey I got to go there is a hot blonde checking me out," I tease walking around the fire.

"_Yeah me too, there is a gorgeous girl in a white dress and I might have to try to get her number._"

"Good luck," I joke shutting my phone when I'm standing right in front of my boyfriend.

"Thanks," he smiles, shutting his phone and putting it back in his pocket.

"Looks like someone wasn't having too much fun tonight," I joke wrapping my arms around his neck, his placing on my hips.

"No we just decided that we would come make sure you two were _staying _out of trouble before we took out Jason and _got_ him into trouble," he shrugs making me roll my eyes.

"Well as long as _you_ stay out of trouble I don't really care what Jay does," I inform, making him laugh.

"I always stay out of trouble."

"No shit!" we both hear turning to look at Camden walking towards us.

"Great," I groan dropping my head against Lucas's chest. I don't like Camden; I actually can't stand him because all through school he acted like he was the best guy ever, that we should feel blessed to know him. He would be nice to you if it was just you two but as soon as the '_Trish's_' of the school came around he acted as if he didn't have a clue who you were. He is your typical wanna be all through high school and he is just so annoying.

"What?" Lucas asks but I don't have a chance to say anything before Camden is by our side, I chose to just keep my head buried in my boyfriend's chest looking away from him.

"Lucas Scott what's up man?" He gives him one of those hand things guys do that I again don't get. "I heard you were here but I didn't know it was true. How's college been?"

"It's been alright, I actually graduated and moved back to Tree Hill and been back for almost a year now." A year. I smile thinking about it, I have known Lucas Scott a year and in that time we have been through so much crap but we are still together, and I haven't been this happy in a long time.

"That's awesome," his tone makes me cringe. "Who's your friend?" he questions and I know he is talking about me and with a groan I slowly lift my head from my boyfriend's chest to finally look at him.

"Hey Camden," I somewhat mumble wrapping my arms around Lucas's waist.

"Brooke Davis?" he raises his brow like he is confused I'm here. "How do you know Luke?"

"Well he is Nathan's brother, who is still dating my best friend," I remind him like he is dumb. "Oh and he has been my boyfriend for the last nine months," I smirk a little, enjoying the grin that fades from his face.

"You're with Brooke?" he points at me and looks at Lucas like that is the craziest thing ever.

"Umm…yeah," Lucas's arms tighten around me.

"Wow, I didn't see that coming," he comments taking a sip of his drink.

"Why?" Lucas's hands run down resting on my hips, playing with the small tie that is hooked to my dress.

"It's just in high school, Brooke was I don't know," he shrugs taking another sip of his beer.

"Well you said it so you must know," Lucas pushes. "What was she?"

"Its just Luke in high school you were getting some from all the best girls, hell you got all the best girls in your grade, Nate's and even mine and don't take this the wrong way Brooke but you weren't really the type of girl Luke was hooking up with."

"Well I'm not just _hooking up_ with Brooke," Lucas growls at a completely oblivious Camden.

"Yeah and that's cool man, it's still just a little shocking," Camden continues and I really wish he would just shut up, I guess the beer he has been drinking tonight is affecting the _don't piss of the guy who is bigger than me _awareness. "Plus I thought she was with Shane," and Lucas's grip tightens a little more around me.

"Why would you think that?" His teeth I'm sure digging into each other as he talks, yeah he doesn't like Shane.

"Well I mean didn't ya'll hook up like all the time?" he looks at me and I groan resting my head in Lucas's chest knowing that one really pissed him off.

"Hell no she didn't!" he tells him quickly. "That jackass never touched her!"

"Well I mean he touched her," Camden laughs and I feel Lucas's tense as I stand in his arms.

"Luke," I whisper tilting my head up, knowing he is getting mad; he's a _little_ protective of me. "Hey," I place my hand on his cheek tilting his head down to look at me. "You know the truth Broody," I tell him leaning up and slowly capturing his lips.

"I know," he grins pressing a kiss to my forehead as I lean back down on my feet.

"But Camden," I quickly change my tone flipping my head around to look at him. "High school was forever ago, if you haven't noticed we graduated and I'm sure that you _peaked _in high school but you really need to get over it. Who I was in school really doesn't matter since I am who I am now and just because _you_ wouldn't have given me the time of day doesn't really mean anything."

"Brooke I didn't mean it like that alright? I was just stating that someone like _you_ normally doesn't date someone like _Luke._ Let alone for nine months," he explains and I want to bitch slap this guy.

"Camden you should really stop talking," I warn knowing not to upset Lucas.

"Why?" he asks stupidly making just want to slap my hand to my face.

"Ok man," Lucas's arms stay put protectively around me. "I'm going to take into account you are drunk and the fact you may be living in the past a little so I'm not going to hit you for completely bashing my girlfriend."

"Lucas…"

"Shh… baby I'm trying to talk," Lucas teases putting his finger to my lips, making me laugh.

"Don't Shh me," I pout pulling myself away from him.

"Nope," he grabs onto me again.

"Yup," I wiggle away from him, just thankful his mood is better now, not in his hitting people mood.

"Ok that's it," Lucas throws me over his shoulder making me squeal.

"Lucas put me down!" I wiggle, "Luke people can see up my dress!"

"No they can't," he objects slapping his hand to my butt and holding down my dress.

"Lucas Scott!" I slam my hands into his back making him laugh. "Put me down!"

"Cam it was nice talking to you again, well maybe a little I don't know, but I feel you might piss me off where I might hit you and you see if I hit you this gorgeous thing gets pissed," he throws his shoulder up making me bounce up before slamming back down on his shoulder.

"Luke man I-"

"It's alright," Lucas holds his hand up to stop him from talking, "Like I said your drunk and honestly I'm glad you weren't hitting on my girlfriend because that pisses me off too…"

"Lucas Scott I am going to bit you!" I inform him really wanting my feet to be back on the ground.

"Isn't she just so aggressive?" He jokes making Camden let out an unsure laugh. "Yeah it really works for me most times, well not for me just _for me_ if you know what I'm saying."

"Lucas!" I squeal not believing he just said that. "Have you been drinking?"

"Not yet," he tells me and I lift my body up a little to look better at him. "I mean no mom I would never drink, that's just irresponsible."

"Whatever," I playfully roll my eyes at him as he starts walking backwards.

"But again Camden I'm going to be off so see you whenever it happens just don't talk to my girl sound good? Great," his tone is cheerfully fake as he spins around and we walk away, well he walks away, I get carried.

"Broody if you don't put me down right now I will kick your ass!" I tell him growing a little nervous when we walk onto the dock and I see the water around me, "But if you put me in water I will kill you!"

"I'm not going to put you in water," he laughs and I relax a little on his shoulder. "Here we go," he slings me back over his shoulder and I slam my eyes shut with a small shriek anticipating cold water, yet just feel myself on a hard rail. "You're not in water open your eyes," he tells me and I slowly peak my eyes open to see I'm just on the dock and not in the water; because I would seriously kill him.

"Lucas Scott does this dock belong to you?" I tease raising my brow, "Because if not we could be trespassing a little."

"Well the dock does belong to someone I'm sure," he gives a kiss to each side of my neck. "And I'm sure they don't like people on it but then again people are partying about ten feet from their dock," he says switching back to the other side of my neck and kissing up it, "But last time I checked it wasn't your house and we still…"

"Right," I nod knowing that one is true as he pulls off my neck smiling at me. "Look at you," I grin tracing my finger over his lips. "You have your _real_ smile."

"Maybe because I am _really_ happy," he grins even bigger placing my chin between his thumb and finger, "Come here," he lifts my chin and dips his head down kissing me and sending a wave of goose bumps through my body. I forgot the feeling his kisses gives me. "Have you been drinking?" He pulls back to look at me, licking his bottom lip.

"Only a few sips," I shrug wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Who is driving you home?" he asks, dropping his gaze to my legs, again licking his lips but for an entirely different reason.

"I don't know Rach," I shrug letting out a long breath when he traces the top of my thigh with his finger.

"Ya'll need to be careful," he swallows hard and takes a step closer, his finger inching a little higher.

"We will," I watch his hand move higher making my heart race faster.

"I like this dress," his finger fiddles with the hem of my dress.

"Thanks," I breathe out heavier then I planned. "Where is everyone?" I question when my dress gets raised a little higher and his hand goes with it.

"I don't know somewhere around," he says his gaze still on his hand, and then slowly lifting his eyes to look at me, making my heart race even faster; if possible. "Do you want me to stop?" he questions and I dart my eyes from my leg to his eyes, back to his hand.

"I don't want to be unfair to you," I whisper giving him a small kiss.

"You're not," he says quietly, his hand going a little higher.

"I feel like I am," I frown dropping my head to his shoulder and pulling him close.

"Why?" He questions kissing the side of my neck making me get a feeling I haven't gotten in a long time.

"I don't know," I admit, running my hands down to his belt loops and pulling him closer to me, the only things really separating us is his jeans. "Luke…" I gasp out kissing the side of his neck.

"You ok?" he asks and I nod feeling his hand going up higher.

"Mm…" I yank in a sharp breath when his hand grazes over the slim material. Then he pulls back from my neck and smiles at me and when he smiles I can't help but smile and bring him into a kiss. His lips feel so perfect against mine, they never don't feel perfect and soft and smooth; I'm so nuts about this boy. Wrapping my arms around his neck I yank him even closer to me as his other hand slides up my leg and under my dress giving me chills. I think he might be doing something but instead _both_ his hands slide up my body and hold onto my hips, stroking my skin.

"I should leave," he mumbles against my lips pulling my lower half closer to him.

"Mhmm…" I nod in agreement but the only movement I change is sliding my hands to his face.

"Promised the guys I wouldn't stay to long, just to check on ya'll," he tells me, shifting his feet forward and I feel my heart pounding as it tries to decide if I want him to leave or stay with me longer.

"Yeah, check on us," I agree, running my hands to his shirt and my hands under feeling his body I felt like I haven't seen or touched in weeks.

"And I did that," he says slipping his tongue in my mouth and I just about decide to spend the rest of the night making out with my boyfriend until I feel a vibrating in his pants making me pull back.

"Broody…" I giggle pulling out of our kiss, him giving me a confused look. "Your pants are vibrating," I tell him and his gaze drops down to his pants making me laugh a little more.

"I'm what?" He asks and I see his eyes widen when I slide my hand in his pocket and pulling out his phone. "Oh," he seems a little annoyed taking his phone from me. "Hello?" he answers and I smirk a little leaning up and kissing against his neck, making him roll his head back to the side. "We aren't doing anything," he rolls his eyes, running his hand through my hair. "Oh…" his hand suddenly drops and he slowly takes a step back from me and I look at him confused, as he nods his head over my shoulder and I turn around seeing the guys on the beach, phone glued to Jason's ear.

"Oh god," I laugh resting my head on his shoulder seeing the boys wave.

"We are just talking…" he lies running his finger over my collar bone and hitting the speaker on his phone.

"_Yeah I don't think you two ever just talk._" I hear the teasing voice of my brother making me shake my head.

"We are just talking…Lucas was telling me how he was just about to leave," I take Lucas's hand bringing it closer to my mouth to talk.

"_Mhmm…alright, well ya'll done talking? I want to go out with the guys now._" He tells me making me roll my eyes.

"Ok, I'm coming, I'm coming."

"_Good. Now get your hand out of my sister's dress and get over here, now._" His last comment making me blush and Lucas groan a little.

"My hand isn't up her dress," he holds both his hands up showing where they are and I look over my shoulder seeing the boys roll their eyes, Rachel laugh and Jason get this weird look like he is thinking.

"_Good, that's gross,_" he says and Lucas doesn't even comment just shuts the phone.

"We are going to have to talk to your brother's about the definition of gross," he tells me making me laugh. "Because nothing we do is gross," he says leaning in and giving me a soft kiss.

"Not even a little," I smile holding his gaze a little longer. "Do you want to carry me?" I bit my bottom lip and give him a childish look that makes him let out a laugh.

"Yeah Pretty Girl I will carry you," he grins spinning around and I move onto his back.

"Thanks," I smile as we start walking; kissing the side of his neck and tugging on his earlobe making him growl a little. "Sorry," I giggle wrapping my arms around him to steady myself and loving when he kisses my arm. Those little gestures get me every time, his little touches, kisses, looks; they all just get me.

"Aww look here they are," Heath jokes as we walk up and I slide of my boyfriend's back. "I hope your little activates didn't tire you out," he teases as Lucas's wraps his arm over my shoulder.

"Oh Heath shut it," Rachel pushes him in the side giving me a comforting smile. "Ya'll just need to leave my girl alone."

"We do leave her alone, we leave her and Luke alone maybe a little too much," Tony jokes making me groan. I don't get it, he and Rachel go at it like rabbits not even caring who is around but me and Lucas get ten feet near each other and it's like we are committing the ultimate sin or something.

"You leave her alone Tony Davis," she points at him and he just stands grinning at her. "I'm serious if don't you will be taking care of all your manly needs and wants all by yourself," she threatens making me cringe thinking about it and the guys laugh.

"Sorry Brooke," he grits his teeth with a groan.

"It's ok Tony," I pinch his cheek making him slap my hand away. "Well I guess you have to get going," I shrug leaning back into Lucas.

"Finally!" Jason spins on his feet, "We are finally leaving!" he cheers walking off and Nash and Heath slowly follow.

"Be safe," I turn to look up at Lucas, sure Rachel was saying the same thing to my brother. "Don't do anything stupid, don't drink too much and please watch the boys for me; Jay doesn't hold his alcohol well."

"We will be good, we promise," he drops a kiss to my nose. "You two stay out of trouble," he tosses a gaze from Rachel then back to me.

"Always," I grin giving my all to famous line when I'm told to stay out of trouble or be careful, "Always."

* * *

"Brooke!" Rachel laughs as I slide through my kitchen. We decided after the boys left that being at home was going to be a lot more fun than the beach; the people there we really just didn't care to talk too.

"I'm ok," I laugh pulling myself up from doing a complete split on the floor.

"Wow I see why Lukie keeps you around," she teases and I look at her confused. "You're very limber," she smirks.

"Shut up!" I squeal throwing a piece of popcorn at her; before popping a piece in my mouth.

"I'm just saying," she shrugs leaning back on the stool. "That boy wants you _all_ the time, so either you are just great in bed or he is just overly horny."

"My boyfriend is not overly horny," I object grabbing a coke from the fridge. "So it must be the first one," I smirk taking a sip on my drink.

"So we have never _really _talked about it before," she leans on the counter looking at me.

"Talked about what?" I move around the kitchen, grabbing the bowl of popcorn and heading into the living room to watch a movie.

"You and Lucas," she follows and I toss a look over at her confused. "Oh come on Brooke, Haley and I always talk about it and you never would because you never had but now you have so tell me what you think."

"I think…" I pause thinking. "I think that at first it's scary as hell, then it hurts like hell; I mean he dropped his pants and the first thing I thought was ok this isn't going to work." I say making her laugh.

"Yeah I know I saw him," she smirks making me groan thinking about it.

"Yeah just forget that little thought," I point at her making her laugh, "But it's like it hurt yet at the same time slowly started to feel good and Lucas was always doing whatever he could to make that happen but it did hurt."

"Yeah my first time wasn't that great, it hurt like hell and the guy never talked to me again," she frowns thinking about it before quickly erasing that feeling. "But back to Luke."

"Well I don't want to say that I had sex and it was perfect and magical and that girls shouldn't worry because it's not as hard as you think but," I chew my bottom lip before a smile breaks across my face. "But it is," I say laughing. "You're body almost by nature knows what it is doing and the person you are with will pretty much go as fast or slow as you want until you understand what is happening. I think if you wait for the right person it can be amazing, that if he truly loves you he will do what he can to make it hurt as least amount as he can and he will give you this look that makes you know you made the right decision and I think if you are truly nuts about him then it can be actually classified as something being perfect."

"Yeah," Rachel frowns chewing her lip. "I'm glad you waited Brooke," she looks at me with a look I haven't seen her give often. "I know you always just wanted to get it out of the way because Haley and I talked about it and everyone you knew were off doing it but I think you are almost one of a kind."

"Thanks," I laugh a little sitting the bowl between us.

"No I'm serious, I admire you and the decisions you have made," she smiles patting my leg. "I think one day you will realize how great you really are and see what all of us have seen for a long time."

"I don't think I am as great as you all think," I frown a little looking down at the popcorn bowl.

"You are," she gives my leg a squeeze, "And I am seriously waiting for the day you see that," she offers a wink leaning back on the couch and wrapping herself in a blanket, "So what we watching?" she flips on the DVD we picked and I just smile shaking my head at my best friend.

One of a kind is Rachel Gatina, she thinks I am destine for something great then she has really no idea how great she truly is and I too am waiting for her to realize that.

* * *

Going to bed about a good four hours ago I was in a pretty good sleep before I heard the door to my bedroom shut. I hear the movements of I assume my boyfriend moving through my bedroom, stumbling his whole way.

I feel the weight shift in my bed as I go into a half asleep half awake mode. I can smell his scent mixed with the smell of smoke and I really thank everything when he sits up pulling his smoke smelling shirt off and jeans. I hear the tossing over his phone yet it's not on my night stand it's a loud crash against my wall.

"Shit," I hear him curse before laughing a little.

"Luke?" I look over my shoulder seeing him through the dark room.

"Shh…" he hushes me lifting my sheets and climbing under them. "It's night time," he informs me.

"Yeah I know," I look at my clock seeing it's almost four. "Did you just throw your phone?"

"No, no I don't think I did that," he slurs rolling over in my bed to look at me. "You're so beautiful you know that? My beautiful girlfriend," he moves closer and slamming his lips into mine and I taste all the alcohol he has drank tonight.

"How much have you drank tonight?" I pull out of your kiss to ask.

"Only a lot," he informs me and I really can't help but laugh at his state. His hair even in the dark night I can see is completely out of place, his eyes are half squinting and he has just the most innocent looking smile etched on his face, a smile that is anything but innocent.

"Oh Broody," I shake my head with a laugh. "You're too much sometimes."

"I'm sorry," he frowns making me laugh a little more. "My girlfriend is laughing at me, why is she laughing at me?"

"Because you are adorable that's why, _extremely_ drunk but adorable," I lean in kissing his nose.

"I can handle that," he pushes his finger to my nose and runs it down my face to my collar bone. "Guess-" he hiccups interrupting his words for a second. "Guess who I saw tonight?"

"Hmm…I don't know who?" I ask figuring I will just play along with his little drunken state.

"David," he answers simply and I see the look on his face. "I still don't like him."

"Luke…" I frown snuggling closer to him.

"You know-" hiccup, "I thought I was going to lose him to you?" he says then pausing like he was thinking, "Wait no, lose _you_ to _him_, yeah that makes more since," he corrects. "I thought and still kinda do but I thought that if anyone could take you away from me it would be him and that's why I don't like him," he tells me and for once I see his real vulnerable side, the side that doesn't show too much but tonight I definitely see it.

"No one can take me away from you," I brush my hand through his hair, trying to tam it a little. "You never need to worry about that," I promise and he gets this little smile. "You ok?" I question and he nods leaning down and kissing my lips, his mood quickly changing.

"Mmm…" I feel his lips hum against mine; he doesn't stay kissing my lips, his lips trail down to my neck, sucking hard before going to my chest and down my stomach.

"Luke," I giggle a little running my hand through his hair.

"I missed you tonight," he nibbles a little on my skin as his hand push up my shirt.

"I missed you too," I grin as his kisses go lower and lower before stopping at the top of my shorts. "Luke…" my heart races faster. "God…" I bite my bottom lip as he peels the shorts down and dips his head back down. And as soon as his tongue makes contact with me I feel a shot of heat shoot through my entire body. "Uhh…" I moan running my hands over my face as my hips arch towards him. "Luke, baby shit!" I groan biting down hard on my bottom lip, digging my nails in his head.

I feel my body start to shake, the heat taking over me over and the feeling slowly takes over my whole body making me have to bit my bottom lip so I don't scream with the way it makes me feel.

"Lucas," I pull him up to kiss me. "I love you," kiss, "need you," kiss, "and god damn it I want you so bad," I confess my hands moving down to his boxers.

"No," he shakes his head as I start kissing down his neck. "Drunk, I'm drunk," he admits and I just bit down on his neck. "When I'm better, so I actually-" he grips down on my hips pushing them back down away from him. "When I know what I'm doing."

"It felt like you knew what you were doing," I rake my nails in his sides making him hiss in my ear.

"But I remember, I'm not going to remember anything in the morning," he confesses. "Moment," he kisses my collar bone and tugs on my skin. "You are in the moment and not being Brooke, you aren't ready."

"Ok," I agree thinking maybe our first time together again he shouldn't be drunk and it maybe the moment and it maybe because he is a damn good of a kisser, but with his body rocking against mine and his hands running over my body I can't help that I want him.

"We will wait," he brings his kiss back up to my lips and his tongue dives into my mouth as I nod. I mean we maybe going slow and I maybe not ready for having sex right now but what we have done so far is fine and us making out is more than fine with me. I could kiss him all night.

* * *

"Ugh!" I hear my boyfriend groan as I move around my room.

"Time to get up Boyfriend," I slam my hand on his butt making him kick at me.

"Go away," he mumbles grabbing my pillow and covering his face. "I don't want to get up, I want to sleep."

"Well I want to have a super model boyfriend and a million dollars in my back account but that doesn't seem to be happening does it?" I tease placing my hands on my hips.

"You're not even a little funny," he lifts his head to look at me, his eyes red and droopy.

"Luke," I slip over to the bed and climb up next to him. "We are going to be leaving soon and I told ya'll not to go out last night," I shrug and he growls at me. "Baby," I lay down next to him, wiggling my body close, "We got to go," I run my hand over his cheek.

"But I feel terrible, my head hurts really bad," he whines making me try hard not to laugh.

"But just think," I take his hand and bringing it to my lips. "You get a week's worth of me and you, no distractions on a beach and me in a barely covered bikini," I smirk biting a little on his finger.

"Oh baby, I'm hung over and possible still a little drunk don't do that to me," he pleads, watching my mouth as it plays with his finger.

"I'm not doing anything," I grin taking his finger and dragging it down my bottom lip. "You can sleep the whole car ride," I promise, kissing lower on his finger and towards his hand. "I'll take care of you the whole ride, promise."

"Yeah?" he keeps watching my hand, his eyes slowly getting a little life back into them.

"Yeah," I bring my leg up my knee rubbing against his lower half.

"Brooke…" he groans grabbing my knee and making me giggle.

"You going to get up?" I ask removing my knee.

"I guess," he shrugs, licking his bottom lip as I still play with his finger. "I swear baby you are going to be the death of me."

"Well you are more of a tease then me," I giggle locking my teeth on his finger.

"How do you come up with that?" he tries to kink his brow but I guess only being one three hours of sleep and hung over he fails.

"Because you see Boyfriend you came home _extremely_ loving last night," I tease getting tingles just thinking about it.

"What you mean?" he wonders aloud and I just grin leaning in kissing him, sorta liking he doesn't remember his night.

"Get dressed, I'll get you some coffee," I skip off the bed.

"Hey, what you mean?" he calls as I shrug walking towards the door, "I swear you drive me crazy Brooke Davis!" I hear him yell before I shut the door laughing and heading to get him something for his headache.

* * *

"Ya'll are dumbasses," Nathan comments as we load up the car, Tony and Lucas leaning against the car, sunglasses on and coffee in their hand.

"Ugh," both mumble at him taking a sip.

"Why get smashed when you have to drive hours the next day?" he wonders what we all do but they again just growl at him. "Well Tony you are still stuck driving," he says tossing a bag onto the rack and again getting a growl.

"Oh Boyfriend and Brother," I tease pushing my glasses up on the top of my head. "It won't be that bad, just think ten hours of driving, in a crammed hot car with twist and turns."

"You know I really don't even like her," Tony looks over at Lucas through their dark sunglasses.

"Yeah me neither," he agrees. "I may just break up with her now."

"I agree," Tony and Lucas at the same time take a sip of their coffee and I can't help but laugh.

"Oh I love you both!" I grin, giving both a big kiss on the cheek and again making them growl.

"Come on guys let's get in," Haley waves her hands climbing in the passenger seat.

"Whoa what you doing up there?" Nathan asks as everyone files in.

"Your girl gets car sick," Rachel explains climbing into the back seat. "So for the next ten hours we are going to become best friend Natey," she smirks lounging in the back. "Hope you don't take up to much room," she winks pulling out a pillow and head phones.

"Looks like I won't really have any," he grumbles climbing in the back seat or the car. Rachel laughing and him pouting.

"Tony," I toss the keys so glad big brother finally has his licenses back, it might have taken six months but big brother can now legally drive again, watch out world. "Ready Broody?" I look over at Lucas who is still just standing outside the car.

"I guess," he shrugs pushing off and climbing in the middle sections of the car, body stretched out across them.

"Ok," I slide my purse in front of the seat and then climb in cuddling against my boyfriend.

"Ten hours of this?" He looks down at me and I nod resting my head on his chest. "I think I can handle that," he kisses the top of my head and rests his head on my pillow I brought, his arm wrapping around my body.

"Me too," I grin closing my eyes, me too still wanting more sleep. I feel as Tony starts the car, the music playing slowly throughout the car and the small chitter chatter of everyone yet it doesn't seem to bother me. All I am concentrating on is the week ahead, the seven days of just relaxing on the beach and the boy with me, the boy whose arms are tight around me and the boy whose heart beat is relaxing me and slowly putting me back to sleep.

* * *

**All the reviews last chapter were great! I never thought I would get that many for one chapter. I do like that I always seem to update with the make up right when ya'll are completely ready and not wanting anymore fighting or anything. Like you all seem to love the angst to a point and when you hit that point that chapter is the angst free! Its like we are all on the same page hehe. Though I am still on the fence about the sequel I am not on the fence about updating this chapter. More of some fluff, actually the rest of the story will be lovey fluff but still the sexual tension between them that everyone loves. I don't know when I will update again but I thought since I got so much feedback last chapter I owed ya'll a quick update.**

**I am pretty exhausted and didn't send this chapter off to get read over before updating so please ignore any mistakes..**

**Well I hope you enjoy and like always please review!**


	39. Chapter 39

"Luke," I whisper through the car, running my hand slowly across his neck.

"Hmm," he hums still pretty much asleep. He looks so peaceful right now. We are about two hours from the condo; everyone is asleep in the car but Haley who switched with Tony about an hour back so he could sleep. Last time we stopped the hang over got the best of both him and the boy I'm laying next to and in a terrible way Rachel and I found it funny. I mean yeah we feel bad they got sick but it was their fault.

However Tony was a champ about it, he has driven the entire time up until an hour ago with no complaints. Lucas on the other hand has stayed completely asleep.

The drive hasn't been that bad, it has actually been a little comfortable minus the not moving for ten hours. However with all the trips I have been on, this seating arrangement has probably been the best. Lucas is completely laid out on the middle seat and I am comfortably snuggled up against him, just like many nights at home.

Tilting my head up a little, I push a kiss to the side of his neck before snuggling back closer to him. "Thanks for being here with me," I curl my body into his.

"Where else would I be?" he kisses the top of my head making me smile.

"I don't know," I shrug getting a small shiver in the cold air. "I wouldn't have stayed with me as long as you have," I confess, knowing that with everything I have put him through I wouldn't have stayed.

"Well good thing I'm not as crazy as you then huh?" he teases reaching up and closing the vent that is blowing right on me. "Otherwise I would have been single now," he chuckles, reaching beside him and finding his jacket to cover me with.

"Thanks," I snuggle into his coat with a smile; I love how much he knows me. "But I'm serious; I don't know why you put up with me."

"Because you drive me completely insane but I'm just not good at not being with you," he shrugs, running his hand slowly up and down my back.

"That's good," I giggle sliding my body up a little so my head is resting on his shoulder. "When I was younger, hell not even younger but before I met you I never thought I would ever get someone like you."

"What is that supposed to mean?" he turns his head to look at me.

"Just to me I never thought someone as perfect as you would ever fall for someone as damaged as me. I kind of felt like I was unlovable; that I was just extremely messed up," I admit peering my eyes to look at him just staring down at me. "I'm stupid, I know I am," I look back down a little embarrassed.

Lifting my chin with his finger, Lucas dips his head down giving me a kiss that makes me smile. It's soft, loving and short but I love it. "I'm not perfect," he whispers leaning his head against mine. "I'm the furthest from it and I don't want you to ever think you are damaged or unlovable because _you_ Brooke Davis is so above all these people I wish you could see it. I wish you saw what I saw when I look at you," he brushes my hair out of my eyes. "You may not be perfect Brooke but you are completely perfect for me. You fit me perfectly."

"You're always so good with those words," I let out a small laugh, wiping the tear that slipped out the corner of my eye.

"Well I try," he smiles kissing my forehead, and down my cheek before giving a kiss to my lips. "Soon things will be how they are supposed to be," he promises as I nod. "Things will start feeling the same, we will become us again and it will all be ok; you just have to trust me."

"I trust you with everything," I admit. "I don't trust many people but I trust you with everything in me Lucas."

"Good," he smiles leaning down to kiss me again. "Because I love you," he searches my eyes as he says it, always looking for some hesitation in my answer back.

"I love you more," I giggle a little making him laugh shaking his head and kissing me again.

* * *

"We are here!" Rachel squeals excited to get out of the car. "Finally."

"Oh come on Rach the ride wasn't that bad," Haley jokes climbing out and wrapping her arm over her shoulder. "I mean you of all people shouldn't complain being as you laid completely out in the back seat."

"Yeah tell me about it," Nathan climbs out twisting his neck until he hears a pop. "On the way home Tony you are in the back with your girl."

"Hey I drove the whole way," Tony defends grabbing a bag of the top rack and tossing it to Lucas. "Well kinda," he jokes tossing a wink at Haley making her smile.

"Yes I am sure a whole lot more comfortable then the back. I still don't believe for a second you get car sick," Nathan pinches Haley's side making her squeal and us all laugh.

"Do you want to test that?" She raises her eyebrow at him which he shakes his head out, "Yeah didn't think so. B which places is it?" She asks taking her bags.

"It's right there," I point taking my bag from Lucas's along with one of Rachel's. "I have the key but I give warning its only two bedrooms. The master which I have already claimed…"

"With me!" We hear Lucas yell as he climbs up on the back to get things from the rack.

"Yes we know," I laugh. "But then there is the room at the front door with a queen size, and a twin then pull out couch in the living room."

"How come I get stuck in the living room?" Nathan pouts.

"Because you weren't there to claim a room when we were offered the place little brother," Lucas informs him, wrapping his arm over his shoulder.

"Well I wasn't there because I am not screwing either of the owner's grandchildren," he informs us making everyone laugh but me and Tony.

"We take lots of offense to that," Tony throws a bag at him which he catches. "And if any of you are here because you get a free place and not because you want to hang with me and Brookie; then get back in the car because we are not letting you stay here."

"I promise I am here to spend time with Brooke," Lucas climbs off the car, bags in hand. "Promise," he gives me a loving kiss making me smile.

"Oh gag me, I will not be able to handle ya'll so in love, in everyone's face crap," Rachel throws a bag over her shoulder. "You two make me sick."

"Mmm hear that Boyfriend?" I tease wrapping my arms around his neck, as everyone starts heading to the condo.

"Hear what Pretty Girl?" He looks down at me with a smile.

"We are making them sick, that means we are getting back to us," I tell him loving the thought of becoming us again.

"I told you we would be," he reminds me lifting my chin with his free hand to give me a kiss, "Just took us a little longer to figure it out."

"Yeah but least we are figuring it out," I grin running my hand through his hair. "Come on," I lace my fingers through his, grabbing a bag with my free hand. "Let's go claim our room before Nate tries to steal it," I tease pulling him with me as we head inside.

* * *

"So beach?" Rachel suggests as we finish unpacking. Everyone pretty content with their sleeping choices and Nathan's slowly growing on him. We even gave him his own dresser and closet just to make him feel special.

"Sounds good to me," Haley agrees pulling her hair up in a pony tail. "We can go check it all out and then maybe order pizza for dinner or something?" her mother side never really fails.

"I love pizza," we hear the voice of my brother from the kitchen. "Luke you want a beer?" he calls, grabbing the cooler from under the sink.

"Yeah," Lucas's voice comes into the room, looking up to see boyfriend just as hot as ever in his bathing suit, sunglass in hand.

"Ya'll have spent all day hung over and now that you are better you are going to start drinking again?" I ask utterly confused by that choice. If I felt as sick as they did this morning I would never drink again.

"You clearly don't know the way of life little sister," Tony jokes handing me a coke from the fridge. "It's ok when you become a big girl I'll teach you," he mocks patting me on the head.

"One day Tony Davis, one day," I threaten making him laugh, as I drop my drink in the cooler.

"Well is everyone ready to go then?" Nathan plops down on the sofa waiting.

"Yeah but B are you really going to wear that?" Tony questions handing the cooler over to Nathan ad grabbing a few towels.

"What is wrong with what I have on?" I question looking down at my black bikini and thinking it looks pretty good. I mean I am never one to brag about my body but this suit makes it look pretty kick ass.

"Well I mean you are naked," he tells me and I roll my eyes. "I mean I thought Papa, Jay and I got rid of the bathing suit last year?" he says, reminding me of how they gave me the long speech on my bathing suit choice. Apparently it wasn't _family_ _appropriate_ when in reality they all just wanted me to look twelve forever.

"No you tried and mom and Grandmama told ya'll to shut it," I place my sunglasses on the top of my head. "Ya'll were just pissed I was getting attention from that cute lifeguard."

"Oh yeah right, that guy was the definition of tool," he copies my move with his glasses.

"He was a hot tool," I tease making him I know gag.

"Hey no need to bring up the past," Lucas jumps in; I know hating my last comment. "Plus I think you look perfect baby," he smiles kissing the side of my head. "And if that toollifeguard is here he better watch where he is looking," and there is my boyfriend.

"I think Brooke's word was _hot_," Rachel corrects with a smirk.

"Yeah I like Tony's word better," Lucas shrugs grabbing my hand. "So beach we go now yeah?"

"Yeah, yeah," Tony waves it off, slinging his arm over Rachel's shoulder. "But no joking B all the skin you are showing is really not working for ya," he gives me a wink before dodging my hand that almost makes contact with his bare back.

"Just wait Tony Davis, I know you better than anyone in this room," I warn making him send me a playful glare.

"What does that mean Brooklyn?" His top lip twitches up a little.

"It mean don't try me, I know all your secrets, weaknesses and fears," I remind making him growl at me.

"What is Tony afraid of?" Haley questions, just like the rest of the room shocked big brother is actually afraid of something.

"Nothing," he jumps in quick not wanting me to talk. "You win this round Sissy."

"And I will win the next one too Bubba," I wink, tugging Lucas with me as we head towards the beach.

* * *

"Nathan!" Haley groans as her boyfriend makes a football land right on her. "I swear I will kick your ass!"

"So aggressive," he teases grabbing the ball. "Alright guys I think we are done, our little women are getting mad."

"I am not mad," Haley rolls her eyes, flipping back over on her back.

"And I am not anyone's little woman," Rachel copies our best friend's move.

"You're my little lady," Tony drops down next to her.

"Yeah whatever," she rolls her eyes before sending him a smirk. They do that a lot I have noticed. They saw this look that I feel stupid not noticing sooner because I have seen it before since the night of them getting together. I don't know if they knew they did it but they did and now I pay attention I feel so dumb not noticing it. Tony is happy, he is more than happy and because of that I will be happy.

"Whatcha thinking?" Lucas's voice in my ear makes my gaze jerk away from my brother.

"Nothing," I rest my body against him as he sits behind me. "Tony is happy," I comment as they all go into a talk with each other. "He is really happy and that makes me happy," I tell him tilting me head back to look at him.

"Well you being happy definitely makes me happy," he smiles tilting my chin up to give me a sweet kiss.

"So I think we should play a drinking game," Rachel pops the lid off her beer, passing one to each of us.

"I don't know, Luke and Tony are kind of light weights, you get them drinking now they maybe out the rest of the night," Nathan teases taking a sip of his drink and getting a laugh from me, Rachel and Haley.

"I'm locking you out tonight," Lucas says with the most serious expression I have ever seen making us all laugh.

"So what's the game?" Haley questions taking a quick sip on her drink.

"Well I don't want to be lame and play I never but I am thinking I'm going to be lame and suggest I Never," she explains making me roll my eyes. My best friend and her way of thinking.

"Well then who wants to go first?" Haley asks adjusting herself so she is snuggled against Nathan.

"I will," Rachel shrugs as she thinks. "Well I've never got stupidly drunk the night before going on a trip," she jokes making both Lucas and Tony growl at her.

"Low blow Gatina," Tony takes a sip knowing that one won't ever get forgotten.

"Fine," Lucas stretches out his leg, leaning on his right arm to get more comfortable. "I've never got stupidly drunk and slept with my best friend's sibling," he smirks back making her growl at him.

"Hey! I think that was more of a lay into me," Tony whines, making us all roll our eyes.

"I've never took the sweet innocence of someone as sweet and pure as Brooklyn," Rachel smirks back. "Drink up Lukie."

"Ok fine but in my defense Brooke isn't as sweet and pure as you might think," my boyfriend so kindly points out before taking a sip of his beer.

"Yeah not after you got done with her," Haley of all people tosses out making my eyes widen.

"Haley!" I squeal. "Of all people I can't believe you would say that."

"Of all people I can't believe you leave marks like you do," she smirks making Rachel laugh and Tony make a weird noise of disgust.

"That is so not true!" I object; them both giving me a yeah right look. "It's not, I…it's not," I pout crossing my arms over my chest.

"Brooke we aren't trying to be mean it's just we have seen them," Rachel shrugs. "But the same time I have seen some of your little marks that Lukie leaves," she tells me and I feel heat rush all over my face, yet surprised when I tilt my head up to see Lucas completely ok with it.

"Aren't you a little embarrassed by this?" I question.

"Nope," I feel him shrug as my back rests against him. "I'm proud of my little marks," he smirks, taking a sip of his beer. "I've never been caught having a little fun in the bathroom before coming to the beach," he says reaching over and grabbing a few chips from the bag by us.

"Luke!" Haley and Nathan say at the same time.

"Oh, was I not supposed to mention that?" he plays all innocent making Rachel, Tony and I laugh. "Sorry in my mist of corrupting Brooke it must of just simple slipped my mind ya'll saying that," he winks proud with himself clearly. "Come on Hales drink up," he jokes and I watch my best friend playfully roll her eyes and take a sip.

"Be glad you're my best friend's boyfriend or I would kick you right now," Haley grumbles against the rim of her beer.

"Mhmm," he nods clearly not caring as he drops a few chips in his mouth.

"Well fine," Haley sits up as she thinks. "I've never done anything with the nasty likes of Theresa _and_ Janice."

"I didn't do anything with Theresa, she kissed me!" Lucas defends that one yet again. I don't know why that bothers him so much but it does. He hates that being brought up or mentioned and every time it does his eyes lock onto me to see my reaction.

"You don't have to defend yourself Broody," I turn my body to look at him. "I know you didn't. We were all there, we saw it happen," I takes his face in my hands giving him a sweet kiss. "But," I slide the beer between us. "You did do stuff with the nasty Janice, so drink up Boyfriend," I tilt the beer bottle back. "Oops," I giggle when a little spills on him. "My bad," I bit my bottom lip, leaning down kissing the corner of his mouth to get it off.

"Oh gag," Rachel stands up wiping the sand off her. "I swear if you two don't just go ahead and do it soon the tension is going to smother us all," she says making my eyes widen that she announced to the entire group of friends my boyfriend and I haven't had sex. "Come on Tony," she reaches for his hand and they walk off closely followed by my other friends who are laughing.

"Well," Lucas lets out an awkward laugh.

"Sorry," I feel embarrassed that Rachel announced that and that I might have made him mad.

"For what?" he questions brushing back my hair to look at me, but I just stay quiet looking at a scar across his chest. "Come on," he stands up reaching for my hand. "Let's go for a walk," he nods his head and I take his hand following.

"I'm sorry I mentioned the sex things to Rachel," I tell him as we walk down the beach hand in hand. "That's our personal business and I shouldn't have said anything," I tell him but in my defense I didn't think my best friend would announce that to everyone.

"Brooke you know I don't care about that," he stops us to look at me. "I know Rachel is your best friend, I know that ok and I know that odds are good she probably out of anyone knows more about our relationship; hell she probably knew stuff before I even do. I know girls, I understand friendships and I understand Rachel Gatina may know more about me then I may care to know. Hell she may even know about parts of me I keep private just for you," he gives me a big grin and a wink making me crack a smile.

"No," I shake my head. "That one is all me," I grin a little pressing a kiss to his already starting to tan chest. "I'm not going to be like this forever Luke," I tilt my head up to look at him. "I know it may seem like it and everything but I'm going to let you back in again. I'm going to be with you again."

"I know Pretty Girl," he traces his thumb over my bottom lip. "I'm not going to rush it and when it happens it happens. No rush," he smiles relaxing me.

"I know but when things get said I know-"

"Nope," he interrupts, "I know what you are going to say and nope I don't think it. When I made a comment about what Rachel said I just mean I didn't expect her to say that, and I definitely didn't think she would tell us to go at it with your brother right there," he explains and I nod understanding that. "I love you Brooke Davis, and I love being with you in ever since of the word but I love it when _you_ do, I love it when you are comfortable and at ease."

"God I don't deserve you," I wrap my arms around his chest holding him close.

"Yeah you're pretty lucky huh?" he teases dropping a kiss to my head.

"You're a dork," I roll my eyes, tilting my head up to look at him. "But it's ok," I lift up on my tip toes to give him a kiss, enjoying the kiss until something tugging on Lucas's shorts interrupt it.

"Hello," Lucas looks down to see a little girl, grinning up at him. She is precious; she has blonde bouncing curls, deep brown eyes and a smile that melts a heart. Two, maybe three tops and she is beyond perfect.

"I sorry," she slowly backs away from us.

"Amberly!" a woman not much older than us moves down the beach towards us. "God I'm sorry," she sweeps the little girl up in her arms.

"Its fine," Lucas gives her a perfect smile, pulling me closer into him.

"Yeah, I tell her a million times not to run off," she says but looks at her daughter with a warning tone.

"I sorry mommy," she apologizes giving her a look I know I could never stay mad at. "He not daddy," she watches looks as she cuddles against her mom.

"Sorry, her dad went back to the hotel for a second. I told her he would be right back," she bounces her daughter in her arms. "Hannah," she introduces with a smile.

"Brooke and this is Lucas," I smile as Lucas runs his hand slowly up and down my back to relax me.

"Well it's nice to meet you both," she keeps on smiling like her world is completely perfect, hell I'm sure it is look at the precious thing in her arms; that would make my life perfect. "But again I'm sorry, you Lucas resemble her dad and I think it just confused her."

"It's fine trust me. She's adorable," he smiles at the little girl rubbing her hand. "I'm sure her dad is very proud."

"Extremely," Hannah looks at her daughter. "She is her dad's girl, I swear she doesn't know how to act when he disappears and when he is at school goodness she cannot get why he is not home playing with her," she laughs.

"Daddy play?" Amberly's eyes perk up. "Daddy play with me lots," she tells us with a nod.

"Really? I bet you love having daddy time huh?" I ask as she licks her top lip.

"Yup," she brushes some of her hair back. "I his Princess you know?" she tells me like everyone in the world should know that.

"Oh I bet you are," I smile looking at her.

"Yeah, he is taking me for ice cream."

"No way?" my eyes get big making Lucas and Hannah laugh and Amberly match my move.

"Isn't dat cool?" she questions.

"Extremely, I might have to get my boy here to get me some ice cream," I look up at Lucas who smiles shaking his head.

"He your daddy?" She questions making us all laugh.

"No baby," Hannah bounces her on her hip. "Lucas is more like how your daddy is with me," she explains, tossing a glance at me for conformation, clearly not wanting to just assume and I just give her a nod.

"Oh ya'll kiss," Amberly giggles making us all again laugh.

"Ok my gorgeous thing," Hannah shakes her head. "Enough bothering these nice people. We are going to go find your daddy and get you that ice cream."

"Yay! Ice cream!" Amberly cheers.

"Yup," her mother nods. "But again sorry about all of this. Her father and I might have to explain the whole stranger rule again," she tells us pulling her sunglasses down on her face. "It was nice meeting ya'll."

"Nice meeting you too, bye Amberly," I give her a wave, her giving a big smile and wave as they walk back down the beach.

"So," Lucas spins around to look at me. I know what he is going to say. He is going to ask me if I am ok and I know that because a baby is near so he assumes I'm not but I really wish he didn't. I don't want to be asked because the truth is I'm not, I probably won't be for awhile but I don't want to be asked; it makes it too hard to talk about it.

"Luke…" I frown looking down.

"I don't think I agreed to getting ice cream on this trip," he says and my head lifts up to see him standing there smiling. "But since I kinda like you I think I will be ok getting it," he sticks his arm out for me to take.

"Well if you're offering," I smile sliding my arm with his and we start heading to the ice cream stand a few feet down the beach. "Thanks Luke," I snuggle up against him as we walk.

"For what?" he questions, tilting his head to look at me.

"Everything," I smile giving him a small kiss. "Just everything."

* * *

**Fluff? Does this chapter seem like fluff? Yeah sorry the rest through will probably be like that. No serious drama, just sweet loving Brucas. Now of course you know I love some intense conversations and they will have that, just no fighting or arguing really. So please review and enjoy!**


	40. Chapter 40

"Luke…" I giggle, sliding my arms around his neck and playing with the small hairs. "Stop," I tilt my head to the side, him nibbling all the way up to my ear; clearly going against my stop remark.

"Do you realize you might just have the cutest laugh ever?" Lucas questions and I can't help but let out another one. "You sound like a three year old," he informs me.

"No I don't," I giggle again making him laugh at me.

"Yes you do," he kisses me. "But I love it."

"Well I guess that's good," I hit my feet against the hard cement wall. "Because I don't think I can really change it."

"That's ok," kiss, "because," kiss, "I don't," kiss, "want you too," lips hooked to mine with no sign of ever wanting to let go.

"Mmm…" I hum against his lips, Lucas pulling his hands out of the water, placing on my hips and stepping closer. "Nathan!" I shriek when a football and water splash us.

"It wasn't me," Nathan shrugs, nodding his head at the other end of the pool.

"Seriously Tony?" Lucas questions, "Aren't we passed you not allowing me to make out with my girlfriend?"

"Dude it totally slipped," Tony defends."I mean we're in water and the ball," he does a throwing motion. "I lost control of it," he explains, slapping his hands in the water. "Complete accident."

"Complete accident my ass," Lucas picks the ball back up, chunking it at my brother who dodges.

"Hey!" Tony points at him. "There is no need for that."

"Yeah, whatever," Lucas rolls his eyes, spinning back around to look at me. "'I'm going to go get me something to drink, you want anything?"

"No, I'm fine," I tell him, giving him a soft kiss. "If I get thirsty I'll just drink some of yours," I shrug thinking that was just the best idea.

"Oh I'm so glad I offered," he teases. "Alright babe I'll be right back," he gives me a kiss, before pulling himself out of the water. So in the crazy stupid way that I am I can't help but watch him head out of the pool area. I mean tell me you wouldn't watch someone with his body, glistening in water move around the pool.

"Dude!" Tony yells when Lucas picks up the football pegging him in the head. "Not cool man," he says making Lucas laugh as he heads out.

"Oh goodness," I slowly slip into the cool water and swim my way over to brother dearest. "Hey Boo Boo," I slide on the stairs next to him.

"Did you just call me Boo Boo?" he raised a dark brow at me.

"Yeah," I shrug making him laugh.

"You're so dumb," he shakes his head sliding next to me. "I guess Nathan is done playing," he tosses the ball into my lap, seeing Nathan climb out of the water and head over to Haley and Rachel who are tanning. "Whatcha thinking about Sissy?" he looks over at me.

"You know I'm ok right?" I look over at him.

"I know you are," he gives me a completely questionable look. I know my brother, I know the looks he gives mainly because I give the same ones and I know right now he doesn't believe me at all.

"T I promise," I give him a reassuring look. "You of all people know me and know when I'm lying and not ok, can't you just look at me and know now?"

"I know," he shrugs, moving his feet around in the water.

"So since you know I'm ok can't you maybe I don't know, not hit my boyfriend with footballs when he is kissing me?" I question and he lets out a laugh. "Tony I'm serious. I mean I watch you and my _best friend_ go at it all the time and say nothing. Why do you give Luke and me such a hard time?" I wonder really not getting it.

"It's not Lucas; I promise it really doesn't have anything to do with him. I mean he is cool," he informs me and I really never thought it was actually Lucas. I know they are friends; they probably get along a lot better than one would hope. I mean over time my boyfriend and brother have become extremely close, they have actually started to hang out more than he does with Nash and Heath. "It's just I worry about you."

"With Lucas?"

"With anyone Brooke," he dips deeper in the water, it covering now up to his neck. "I mean as your brother my responsibility is to take care of you."

"Tony," I shake my head. "That's not true."

"Yes it is," he looks at me completely serious and I know he is; I know it's true. "But I don't know in a year you just seemed to change. You aren't the little girl who needs me to take care of you and protect you, you grew up," he shrugs. "Before I knew it my baby sister was hanging out with my friends, being looked at by guys in a way I have never seen happen before. You were dating and having a boyfriend; having sex…"

"Tony…" I frown looking at my hands.

"And it's not that I thought you would never have sex Brooke. I mean I knew sooner or later it was going to happen but I guess I wasn't ready for all that. I wasn't ready for you to not be the little girl anymore."

"But I'm still me," I tell him. "I mean I'm still Brookie, still the little annoying girl who chased you and Jason around not getting that me being shirtless was completely different from ya'll," I joke making him laugh. Yeah that was an embarrassing time for me. Up until the age of probably five I didn't quite understand the difference between the boys and girls. If we were outside and it was hot their shirt flew off so I mean since at the time I looked the same so did mine. Soon mom had to sit down and talk to me about it, apparently boys and girls have different parts. Who knew?

"I know," he leans back in the water. "Things were so much easier when it was just us ya know? Just mom and the kids, no one else," he runs a wet hand through his dark hair.

"Yeah but life was so boring then," I joke rocking into him. "Don't tell me that our friends haven't added a little spice to our lives," we both look up at them all.

"Maybe a little," he laughs, looking up above his head when something splashes in his lap. "Thanks man," he says to the blonde who dropped a beer in his lap.

"No problem," Lucas drops a kiss to the top of my head, before walking over to everyone else, handing them their drinks.

"You know I approve of him right?" He pops the tab on his beer. "I mean I'm pretty sure if we met outside of ya'lls relationship we would have ended up being great friends," he shrugs.

"But that's all I have ever want Tony," I take a sip of brother's beer, "Since we were little I just wanted the boy I love to get along with the people I love, and I think that the way Lucas is with Aiden and Kylee and becoming friends with you and Jay it honestly made me love him more."

"Yeah I know," Tony nods sitting and thinking for a minute. "I hit Lucas when I found out he got you pregnant," he blurts out and my head almost snaps off at how quick I turn and look at him.

"You did what?" my eyes dart from Lucas to my brother and back again.

"I'm sorry?" he gives a small shrug, looking guilty.

"Why the hell did you do that? And why the hell did no one tell me?" I question thinking that would be an important factor since it involved my boyfriend and my brother.

"Ok look before you get mad-"

"I am mad Tony! How could you do that?" I stand up in the water to look at him.

"Brooke just sit down a second ok?" he grabs my hand and pulling me down and away from everyone who might hear. "Look I was pissed alright?"

"I don't care, I don't care why you were mad, it was no one's business to be mad," I argue with him, seeing him grow annoyed I wouldn't let him talk.

"Brooke look alright," he lets out a frustrated sigh. "Ok it was more around the time you went out with the girls."

"Tony that was barely a week ago!" I snap at him, still trying to process this all. Then playing in my head any unnoticed marks on my boyfriend. I mean I don't think he has had any bruises I have missed but hell it's not like I have been looking for one.

"I know that and we are fine now," he stresses that they are ok. "Brooke put yourself in my shoes for a quarter of a second alright? My sweet amazing sister is a virgin, never even touched a guy that I know of then she is making out with some guy, and sleeping with some guy and all of a sudden you are taking pregnancy test? Do you know how responsible I felt?"

"Why?" I sink down in the water, seeing the freaked expression all over his face.

"Brooke I knew what was happening alright? I mean yeah Jason and everyone else might have assumed but I knew for a fact you two were off having sex but I never said a thing. I mean I covered for you because do you honestly think I believed for a second you were at Rachel's or Haley's all the time? I'm not stupid Brooke."

"I didn't say you were," I give a soft tone feeling guilty for yelling at him. "But I don't get why you hit Lucas?" I shrug but in a calmer tone.

"Because it's not like I could knock the shit out of myself," he lets out a dry laugh. "I felt like I was almost giving you permission to do what ya'll were doing and I know ok, I know that you are a big girl and make your own decisions but all I thought was what if I didn't cover for you that time? What if that night at the club I made sure you came home? What if I didn't make sure your lie of being at a friend's house was air tight? If I did that then you wouldn't have gotten pregnant Brooke, you wouldn't have lost your baby," he tells me showing more emotion in this conversation then he has in all the years of him being my big brother.

"Tony…" I sigh tilting my head to the side to look at him.

"I felt like I wasn't taking care of you because I wanted you to make your own choices and because I trusted Lucas. Yet after everything happened I saw how much it was breaking you inside and it was like the more you broke the more I wanted to hit someone, make someone else feel what you felt and since I couldn't do it to myself…"

"Lucas was your next option," I let out a dry laugh, surprisingly all of that making since.

"I need it to be someone else's fault, I felt like if I blamed him I would feel less responsible for it," he explains. "I just wanted my Brooke back and a part of me hated him for taking you away."

"Tony," I run my finger under my eye wiping the small tear that was making an appearance. "Can I tell you something? Something that won't let you think less of me or get weirded out, something I can be completely honest and mature about?"

"Sure," he gives me a questionable look.

"In my time with being with Lucas I will admit alright we have slept together which I know you know and pretty much every night I spent over at his place it would happen," I tell him honestly, feeling like we are both at an age where it can be discussed. I mean don't get me wrong I know it still weirds him out but least we can talk. "Again it happened less but there has been a few times when he spent the night at our house that it has happened but…" I pause picking my nail as I think. "Alright you don't need to blame yourself, you don't need to think because you knew I was sleeping at Lucas's that I got pregnant because…"

"Because what?" he raises a brow at me as I swallow hard.

"Because I know what time it was that I got pregnant," I blurt out him looking even more confused. "Tony, Lucas and I are safe. Without fail we _always_ used something to protect us."

"Then how do you know what time it was? I mean if you always used something then…"

"Because we forgot," I look up at him. "One time," I hold up my finger. "There was one time we didn't use something and if you want to blame someone for that one time blame me," I give a shrug my voice cracking a little.

"Brooke it wasn't your fault," Tony shakes his head, giving my shoulder a squeeze.

"It was Tony because…" I roll my head back and blinking a few times before looking back at my brother. "Because I knew it. I knew we weren't protected and I let it happen anyway."

"I know that Brooke but maybe if I just told you not to stay the night that night it would have been fine."

"No," I shake my head. "No Tony it wouldn't because it didn't happen at his place alright? It wasn't at Lucas's or Rachel's or anyone else's where you would have covered for me. It…it was on your birthday."

"What? You mean while we were…"

"Yeah," I nod. "It was early that morning and all ya'll were downstairs eating breakfast and I was just going to take a quick shower," I explain because that was the plan. "I really don't know how it happened Tony I don't, but then Lucas was in the shower with me and it…it just happened."

"Well how are you so sure that was it though?"

"Because we didn't use anything to protect us and I wasn't on the pill which I know is completely irresponsible of me but I was in the moment. A moment I'm sure you have been caught up in before," I point out and he nods, Rachel clearly the moment happening before with him "Plus we hadn't had sex in over a week," I inform him. "And we haven't had sex since then either."

"Oh," seems to be the only thing I get out of him.

"So Tony you see it wasn't your fault. Yes ok maybe all the times I slept over at Lucas's you knew I was there but do you think for a second mom didn't know? I swear the moment she walked into my room the night after our first time she knew. I can't keep anything from her, she knows everything. Plus I know for a fact Kylee knew because I told her half the time and Jason…well Jason is in his own little world. Even knowing I was pregnant he probably still thinks I'm a virgin."

"Yeah he is pretty stupid," Tony lets out a laugh, running his hands over his hair.

"But you see Tony everyone knew, just because we didn't talk about it doesn't mean no one knew what I was doing, what we were doing," I look up to see my boyfriend laughing with everyone. "Plus I don't think anyone understands that it's my fault."

"Brooke…"

"No Tony its true," I stop him before he goes to tell me it's not. "Yeah ok I got pregnant because I had sex with Lucas but I lost my baby because since I was little I didn't take care of myself. I had you and mom and Jason and god everyone talking to me about eating. On my back about my habit but I ignored it," I tell him and know he isn't going to object because he knows it's true. "I was bound to find out that I couldn't have kids, it just happened sooner than any of us thought."

"Brooke it's not impossible."

"I know," I look down cupping some water in my hand and letting it fall over my leg. "But I think I would rather let myself believe its impossible so I won't be so disappointed when or if it doesn't happen."

"Yeah," Tony nods, I know understanding what I mean; he should he taught me that little lesson. I know it's completely different than a baby but when I was little he use to say how he would always just assume he failed a test or project or something so that way if he did awesome he would be excited but if he failed then he never had his hopes up to get them let down. That along with many things he has said has kind of stuck with me. "I didn't really connect with his face," he randomly says making me look at him confused. "I mean I just wanted you to know when I hit Lucas he turned his head before I connected with his face. One blow hit a little above his cheek bone, actually closer to his hair line. Yet when I realized he wasn't going to fight back I couldn't really do anything else," he shrugs.

"Did it bleed or anything?"

"No," he shakes his head. "It bruised a little and if you look close you can still see a little of one but I only see it because I know it's there," he explains with a shrug.

"But ya'll are ok?"

"Yeah, we are guys. You know how it goes, we throw a punch, yell a little then have a beer," he reminds me making me laugh a little.

"Oh goodness my crazy boys," I shake my head, sliding my body back in the water. "Ya'll are stupid."

"True but I think it made us bond better," he teases. "I always told ya I would hit your boyfriends, make them intimidated and if I had to go back to jail."

"You hard ass," I joke making him nod in agreement.

"And don't you forget it," he smiles.

"Alright Punching Brother," I step behind him. "Swim me over to my friends," I order climbing up on his back.

"Alright Princess," he teases holding onto my legs and moving us through the water over to everyone.

"What are you trouble makers up too?" Rachel kinks a brow at brother and I.

"We are not trouble makers," I roll my eyes pulling myself out of the water. "Tony yes, me never," I wink over at my brother; falling on the lounge my boyfriend is sitting on.

"Whatever Brookie," Tony clearly disagrees, patting Rachel to stand up for him to take her seat and pull her back in his lap.

"Brooke how come I didn't know you had a tattoo?" Nathan questions popping some snacks Haley brought in his mouth.

"Eyes traveling a little too low little brother," Lucas warns sitting up on the lounge, my body now positioned between his legs.

"Dude chill I was just making an observation," Nathan defends himself.

"Oh babe hush," I push Lucas's face making him growl at me. "But Nate I've had it forever," I look down at the small inked pattern. "I got it when Hales got hers," I shrug not knowing he didn't know that.

"Yeah I guess I just never noticed it before," he shrugs leaning back in his chair.

"Yeah well I guess technically I have had it only a year so maybe it's not been forever," I correct. "So I guess this is my first pool side show off," I joke realizing this is the first summer I have really had my tattoo.

"Well not your first poolside," Lucas whispers in my ear. "Remember the night I first got to see it?" he nips at my earlobe, a smirk I know plastered on his face.

"Yes," I turn my head to look at him, everyone else in their own little conversation. "It was the night I knew you would be my first," I inform him with a one shoulder shrug.

"You knew that night?" he raises a brow at me clearly not knowing that.

"Yup," I nod running my hand through his hair. "You gone an extra step that night and you would have had me never wanting to leave the bed for the weekend," I smirk, giving him a wink.

"To bad you didn't tell me that, that night," his lips twitches up a little, clearly trying not to smile and stay serious. "I would have really liked to have known that information."

"Well I was just waiting for you to claim me as yours, as soon as the word _girlfriend_ slid passed those gorgeous lips of yours I knew it wouldn't have been long."

"I think we waited the right amount of time," he smiles at me. "I wouldn't change that night for anything."

"Even if it meant I would have given in sooner?" I question.

"No," his thumb stroking my skin as I sit. "I honestly think that night was completely perfect."

"It was pretty perfect," I smile giving him a soft kiss. "You were perfect," I give him a wink before resting my body against his and we join in on the conversation everyone else is having. Well Lucas joins in; I'm too busy looking at the spot Tony told me he hit him at. I don't see a mark, I mean there is a little of a purple mark it really can't be seen at all. I wonder why he didn't tell me, I mean he had to have known I would have sided with him. I would never be ok with what Tony did and Tony knows that.

"Whatcha thinking?" Lucas turns back to look at me.

"Nothing," I shake my head, leaning down and giving his cheekbone a gentle kiss.

"You sure?" he raises a brow and I nod.

"Yeah Boyfriend I'm sure," I snuggle my body up into his, sending my brother a wink when I catch him giving me a guilty look. He didn't mean it, I understand, wish he would have told me but I do get it. He was just being Tony, being my big brother.

* * *

"It's perfect Nate," I grin at the black velvet box. "It's gorgeous."

"You think?" he raises a brow, a smile plastered on his face. "I'm nervous it's not enough."

"Are you kidding?" my eyes widen at that. "Nathan she is going to go nuts over it, heck it's so gorgeous I want to take it," I joke trying my best to relax him. I know he is nervous, ever since he brought up what he was going to do that day when he had to talk to me at the River Court; he has been a nerves wreck.

"If you promise," he inspects it's a little longer before sliding it back in his pocket.

"When you going to ask her?" I question looking over the night sky. This is probably my favorite part of the condo we have. There is a back porch that looks over a small lake and at night it's just so peaceful. You can hear the waves from the beach crashing just a small distance away, the sound of crickets chirping in the bushes beside us. Something about all that missed with the warm air is just so relaxing.

"I'm thinking tomorrow," he tells me, taking a sip of his drink. "Maybe after dinner going to the beach and doing it there. I don't know I don't want it to be all lame and cliché or anything."

"Nate," I lean forward on the swing placing my hand on his. "It will be perfect," I give his hand a squeeze and a comforting smile. "I promise."

"Thanks B," he gives me a smile standing up. "I'm going to head inside and get ready for bed, you coming?"

"No," I wave my hand. "I think I might stay out a little longer."

"Alright," he leans down kissing the top of my head. "Night, love you."

"You too, night" I smile as he heads inside and I stare out over the water as I think.

Hearing the sliding glass down slide back open I don't really have to look up to know how it is. Even in the dim of the moon light I know, I can breathe in his scent, hear the slow breathing patterns he has and the way his feet shuffle along the ground I just know; my heart always knows.

"Thank you," I accept the warm cup that is offered in front of me, the smell of coffee engulfing my smell. _Perfect,_ I smile to myself as I take a sip. It's funny how he knows how to make my coffee, I mean not that it's a difficult thing to figure out its just he has never even asked before, he just kind of knew.

"You are thinking," he comments as he sinks down into a chair, propping his feet up the stole in front of him.

"I'm always thinking, I'm a girl," I tease lifting my gaze from the water over at him.

"That is true," he lets out a laugh as I look back at the water, very aware of his eyes on me, trying to read me. "Come here," I lift my head to look at him. "Come sit with me," he slides a little in his chair. Standing up I unwrap the blanket that is around me as I climb up into his lap, snuggling close against him and covering us in the blanket.

"It amazes me how cold you always stay," he teases me; his fingers gliding slowly up and down my back relaxing me.

"It amazes me how calm you make me feel," I close my eyes, knowing I could fall asleep listening to the waves and his heartbeat under me.

We lay there quietly for awhile, me thinking and Lucas thinking about what I'm thinking about. Tilting my head up I see the debating going on in his head as he looks out over the water. He has his thinking face, his brow is furrowed a little and his eyes are squinting like they always seem to do and I will tell you right now in his mind he is trying to figure out if he should ask what is going on or not.

"I feel stuck," I tell him, snuggling back against him.

"What?"

"That is what I'm thinking about," I tell him tracing my finger along his shirt. "I feel stuck."

"What do you mean?" He asks clearly confused.

"I just look at all my friends and Tony and you and think how far ahead all of ya'll are compared to me. I mean Tony is about to start graduate school, you are graduated and looking for a job, Nathan and Haley are halfway done with college and about to get engaged, even Rachel has been taking online classes and about to start school in the fall, look what I've done, nothing," I shrug. "I feel like my life is just going by and everything is always the same and I am always going to doing just this."

"You're going to figure it out Brooke. Some people just take longer than others. Maybe you needed the year off to take in everything, enjoy life before you went into school and started your career."

"But I'm so afraid I will never go back, I'm afraid the most I will ever be is the crummy paying odd jobs I have been doing since I graduated."

"Well," Lucas sits there thinking. "What if when we get back home we get you ready for school? We will retake the SAT and get you some scholarships and sign you up for college. You can do it Brooke, I know you can."

"You probably the only one," I let out a dry laugh. "I'm sure everyone has given up on me already."

"No," he shakes his head lifting my chin to look at him. "No one has given up on you Brooke. You can do it, you can be anything and everything you want to be and I am going to get you to realize it."

"I want to get into fashion," I confess, always being my dream. I've always had the dream of going to school getting a degree in fashion and business and someday have my own store. Even if it's just a small town store, it be mine.

"Than do it, you are your worst enemy Brooke, you are the only one who doesn't think it is possible; that you can't achieve your goal because everyone around _knows_ the sky is the limit for you. You just have to believe in yourself Brooke," he informs me and I nod knowing he is right.

"I know," I place my chin back on his chest. "I would like to get ready for school when we get back," I nod knowing I really do. "Promise to help me?" I ask looking back up at him.

"I promise Pretty Girl," he drops a kiss to my head as we fall silent. Him stroking my back as we lay here and I'm pretty much positive I could slip off into sleep any minute now. "Brooke…" Lucas whispers in the dark night.

"Hmm?" I keep my eyes closed really wanting to sleep, didn't realize how exhausted I was until just now.

"It's midnight," he informs me, his fingers still drawing circles.

"Mhmm…" I snuggle closer against him and wrap the blanket more around me.

"You know what that means?" he asks and I shake my head no, trying to stay awake so he can talk to me. "I love you," he chuckles kissing again against my head.

"Iloveyoutoo," I mumble.

"I'm going to take you inside," he informs me and I just nod as I feel his body shift under me, him climbing out of the chair and lifting me into his arms. I feel the blanket that was around me being dropped from my body as he slides the glass door open, the one that enters into our room and cares me in, the warmth of the outside clashing with the cold of the inside and making me get a shiver. "Come on Pretty Girl," I feel the soft cushion of the bed and I roll over on my side thankful for it. "I'm going to take you jeans off alright?"

"Alright," I mumble keeping my eyes closed and feeling Lucas pop the button on my jeans and slowly sliding them off. I can actually feel the breath that catches in his throat as I take my arms that feel about a million pounds and yanking off my top. He hasn't seen me like this in a long time I know and I know he doesn't remember our little bed fun we had the night before coming here, so I know his mind is racing.

"Don't you want something to wear?" he asks as I shake my head no, not at all wanting to change and just wanting to sleep as I climb under our sheets and pull the cool material over me.

"I sleepy," I talk like a child flipping over on my side and snuggling against my pillow.

"Ok Pretty Girl," I hear him laugh a little, climbing off the bed and getting ready for bed. I however start to drift off into an amazing sleep, well sorta amazing. I'm still in the half awake half asleep stage, the one where I think I might be asleep, well my body is but my mind isn't and I can hear what is going on. So I hear Lucas as he jumps in the shower taking I swear the fast shower in the world, I hear as he brushes his teeth and turns off our TV, I hear him turn on the fan knowing I can't sleep without one on and I hear the knocking of the bedroom door, and him shuffling his feet to answer.

"Is Brooke asleep?" I hear the voice of my brother ask.

"Yeah man, she is I'm sure pretty out," Lucas answers and I could open my eyes and talk to Tony but my eyes are almost glued shut, like even when I try to open them they won't do it.

"Alright I'll just tell her in the morning, night man," I hear him tell Lucas and I again hear the bedroom door shut. I hear Lucas move towards the bed, the dipping down of the bed as he climbs next to me. I feel him move close but even though his chest his almost right against my back and I feel his steady breathing against my neck I want him closer. Reaching behind me I take my tired arm and search for his hand and wrapping it around me, knowing within seconds of him holding me I will be out.

"Baby you awake?" he lifts his body next to me.

"No," I mumble lacing my fingers through his.

"Alright," I hear him chuckle in my ear before giving it a small kiss. "Well even asleep I'm going to tell you anyway alright?" he tells me and I nod not knowing what he is talking about. "I just wanted to say this past year has been probably one of the best of my life," he admits and even half asleep I smile, "And that you are amazing at everything you do and so incredibly sexy," he smirks kissing the back of my shoulder blades. "And I'm so glad you are in my life."

"Me too," I tilt my head back to give him a small kiss, before snuggling back into my pillow.

"Then finally I wanted to say since you clearly have forgotten," I feel him flip over on his side away from me my body missing his warm body against mine. Then hear the drawer next to out bed slide open and then his arm slide back around me, me cracking my eyes to see a small box in front of me wrapped in a bow.

"Lucas…" I flip over to look at him, quickly awake. "What is this?"

"Open it," he smiles looking at me and I quickly take off the bow and flip it open to reveal the last thing I thought it would be.

"Lucas…" my heart stops and my eyes widen to look at him. "What is this?"

"It's a promise," he says slowly and making me relax a little.

"So it's not…" I trail off finding it all a little Naley if it is.

"Oh no!" he tells me quickly and I let out a relaxing breath.

"Good," I relax but then realize what I said. "Not good…I mean I didn't mean good, I just…"

"Trust me Brooke I understand," he chuckles and again I relax, "Well you know how Dan left my mom when she got pregnant."

"Yeah."

"Well, right after that Keith went out and got my mom this" he reaches for the small white gold ring with the heart and diamond studded ribbon cutting across it. "Well it was a promise," he looks up locking those gorgeous blue eyes on me. "He promised to take care of her, love her and without fail be there for her, always."

"Luke…" I smile looking at it.

"So that is my promise to you," he informs me, taking my hand in his and slowly slipping it on my finger, it fitting perfectly. "No matter what Brooke you can count on me, I will always love you and this," he runs his thumb over it. "Is a promise ring, so you along with everyone else knows are mine."

"Yours," I smile looking at it. Loving how it sounds and how it looks on my finger. I mean yeah it's not an engagement ring but trust me I don't want to be engaged. No matter how much I love Lucas I will not be ready for _that_ right now but a promise ring is something I can definitely be happy with.

"Yeah," he looks at it. "I was told that if the point of the heart is pointed out you are single but if it's pointed towards your heart," which it is. "Then your heart belongs to another."

"I love it," I grin looking at it, smiling like a little kid on Christmas. "Thank you," I lean in giving him a few small kisses that makes my heart flutter. "I love it and I love you."

"I love you too," he smiles as we slide back into the bed, sleep not so welcoming as it once was since I'm too busy staring at my ring. "Oh and Brooke…" Lucas slides closer, his mouth resting against my shoulder giving it a kiss.

"Yeah," I finally place my hand next to me and close my eyes again, enjoying everything that I feel and enjoying the boy holding me. Then him making it all that much better when he whispers, "Happy birthday."

* * *

**Sorry I haven't updated as quick as I normally do. Hope you all enjoy it and again I stress that is NOT an engagement ring nor one of those pre engagement rings. But sadly I must admit that My Diary is almost done and has as of now I'm thinking three maybe four chapters left. I actually have the last chapter written and the chapter before that but want I think maybe two more before those so yeah I will get on writing it haha**

**Sequel I'm still not sure because I'm trying to see if I'm into all the writing of it and make it good. I would hate everyone to love this one and bomb the sequel I hate when that happens.**

**But anyway, hope all enjoy and please review!**


	41. Chapter 41

"Rachel…" I walk up to my best friend as she makes her some coffee.

"Brookie!" she spins on her feet with a smile. "Happy birthday," she grins handing over her coffee cup. "Enjoy your gift."

"Aww thanks so much," I laugh taking a sip. "Mmm amazing, second best gift I have ever gotten."

"Second?" she raises a brow as I nod.

"Yeah guess what-"

"Sissy!" two arms circle around me and spin me around. "Happy birthday, you are one year old and still as annoying as can be," he places me on back on the ground.

"Aww thanks you are so loving," I roll my eyes.

"Well no problem, I was going to tell you last night but you were sleeping," he informs me, his dark hair hanging over his honey eyes. "So happy birthday, my gift is…I'll take ya for lunch or something."

"Aww thanks Bubba you're the best," I give him a hug; I really do have the best brother. "Baby…" I call when Lucas goes to pass the kitchen.

"Hey I was wondering where you were," he walks over kissing the top of my head.

"Where you going?" I look at his wardrobe of his gym shorts and gray t-shirt.

"Oh, we are going for a run before the day starts," Tony informs me, running a hand through his messy hair. He needs a haircut.

"You need a haircut," Rachel speaks my mind, running her hand, brushing it out of his face. "I like it better short.'

"I like it however I like it," he grumbles swatting her hand away. Tony hates haircuts, ever since he was little he would just let it grow and cut it when he felt like it. If he had an interview he cut it, a presentation at school, cut it, had summer, yeah we lost his face.

"But I like seeing your eyes," Rachel's voice is honey sweet as she steps close to him. "I mean I like being able to see those eyes giving me those sexy looks that make me-"

"Stop!" I cut her off not wanting to know what his looks make her do. I admit it I am more relaxed and cool about the whole brother and sex but I don't want to really hear about it. Now they make out, I don't care, run their hands over each other whatever but telling me some gross action my brother's eyes make her do is well gross!

"Sorry," Rachel giggles, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"We are going to take a run on the beach," Lucas repeats laughing at whatever just happened with my brother and best friend.

"Well be careful, you know no getting heavily drunk, hitting each other with footballs or I don't know throwing punches," I cut my eyes over at my brother who rolls his eyes.

"As if Tony or I would ever throw a punch," Lucas slings his arm over my brother's shoulder, clearly not knowing I know what I know.

"I know," Tony chuckles in agreement. "Accept it Brookie we have become as you and Rachel call is "_besties_"_,_" he and in a weird way Lucas both use air quotes at the same time on the word bestie.

"And being so if and that is a strong _if_ we ever break up you have to accept Tony and I have reached a stage in our relationship where we will still be friends," Lucas informs me and Tony nods along.

"That's really touching Luke," Tony looks at my boyfriend placing his hand on his heart. "It really means a lot."

"Well I was really hoping it would," Lucas plays along, moving his hand to his heart. "You made an impact on me man and I-" he places his hand on his shoulder closing his eyes for a second.

"It's ok," Tony pats his hand. "I understand."

"That's weird," Rachel crosses her arms over her chest leaning against the counter.

"Extremely," I agree copying her move.

"You have created this Brookie, learn to accept it," Tony teases and I roll my eyes. "We'll be back in a bit," he leans over kissing Rachel on the cheek.

"Alright," she nods patting his side as he moves towards the back door.

"Bye baby be back in a little bit and we will go to the pool," Lucas copies my brother's move just on me.

"Sounds good," I give him a smile as he follows my brother out the door.

"Tony, dude they said no hitting with footballs," I hear the small groan of my boyfriend and laugh of my brother as the door slides shut.

"We are going to have to watch them," Rachel comments watching the back door.

"Yeah their relationship is really starting to freak me out," I agree taking a sip of my coffee.

"Morons," we both say at the same time before Rachel heads over to get her a new cup of coffee and I head to get me some breakfast.

"So what were you going to tell me before the boys came in with their weird possible may end up cheating on us with their secret gay friendship love?" she questions putting sugar in her cup.

"Oh," I grin putting the stuff on the counter. "Come here I want to show you something," I grab her hand tugging her towards the bedroom.

"Brooke please don't tell me you are falling for your bestie like the boys, I mean I love you but you're not really my type," Rachel jokes as we walk into the room.

"Shut up," I roll my eyes, walking over to my dresser. "I just wanted to show you what Lucas got me for my birthday," I inform her pulling out the little velvet box, spinning on my feet and opening it.

"Holy shit!" her eyes widen as she looks at the sparkly ring, "Is that a-?"

"Oh no!" I tell her quickly. "No, no, no definitely not," I make more than clear.

"Then what is it?" she slowly pulls it out and looking at it. "I mean other than completely gorgeous."

"I know right," I grin looking at it. "Its more of a promise ring."

"Like I promise to one day marry you promise ring promise?" she question holding the ring up in the light.

"I don't really no," I scratch my brow. "But I don't care because I love it!"

"I bet," she still looks over it, slowly slipping it on her finger. "Your fingers are freakishly little," she jokes, pulling it back off.

"They are not!" I object snatching it and putting it on and looking at it a few more seconds. "It's perfect."

"That it is," she agrees as I take it back off and put it back in the box. "Why aren't you wearing it?"

"Rach I can't wear it right now."

"What? Why?"

"Because of Nathan," I remind her and she looks at me confused. "Rachel, Nathan is going to propose to Haley, I can't just wear this and steal his thunder, it's not fair."

"The hell it's not," our heads jerk up to see Nathan walking into the room. "Brooke Davis you better not, not wearing that ring."

"Nate it's not that big of a deal, I promise," I give him a smile putting it back in the drawer. "I can just wait until tomorrow."

"No you aren't!" he walks over opening the dresser. "Brookie it's your birthday," he smiles pulling it out. "And you got your gift and you are going to wear it," he lifts my hand and putting it back on.

"Nathan really I can wait," I promise.

"No," he shakes his head. "Plus I am not doing it today anyway."

"Nathan!" I snap, "You don't need to be afraid! Just do it!"

"I'm not afraid Brookie," he laughs. "It's just that it's your birthday and I'm not going to take your day away from you."

"Nate…"

"Brooke, Luke was excited to get you this alright? He got it from Keith before I even thought about proposing to Haley," he explains shocking me a bit. "So no I'm not going to let you keep it in a drawer. It's your birthday, your boyfriend got you a gift and if you don't wear it I will never propose to Haley," he jokes making me let out a laugh.

"You sure?" I bite my bottom lip looking back at my ring.

"Positive, plus Haley will be pissed if I don't let her see what he got you."

"Who got what?" Haley's voice trails into the room and I tuck my hand behind my back. "Hey B, happy birthday," she smiles heading over her gift for me.

"Hales…" I smile opening up the little box to find her gift. "Haley…" I lift the heart charm out of the box. "A new charm," I grin up at her.

"Well I thought that it was your turn to get one," she walks over taking my charm bracelet out of the wooden box.

"What is that?" Nathan asks watching Haley but the heart on the silver bracelet full of stuff.

"Well Brooke's fourteenth birthday we got matching bracelets," she explains. "Now all of our first we get a charm, like our first rated R movie," she laughs holding up the letter 'R' charm. "We were so cool."

"The first time Hales sung on stage I got her a musical note and the first time we went to New York our freshman year," I hold up the statue of liberty.

"The first time we went to the beach," she holds up a small little bottle that has some sand in it. "When we went to went to our concert and when we graduated."

"Every time we have something new happen, whether it just happens to one of us or both we get a new charm," I shrug looking over all of them and smiling at the memories.

"How come I have never seen you wear it?" Nathan questions.

"Well it's more of a sentimental thing," I tell him. "We use to wear it every day until it got to heavy," we laugh.

"But now Brooke has a new first one," she smiles as I look at the heart in my hand. "The first time she fell in love."

"With Lucas," I grin running my finger on the engraved 'L,B' that are hooked together.

"Yeah," Haley smiles. "I thought it was about time you got your heart."

"Haley I love it," I wipe a tear wrapping my arms around her neck and giving her a hug. "You're the best friend ever."

"Well thanks a lot," Rachel teases, tucking a red stand of hair behind her ear.

"Oh you know we love you," we pull her into a hug.

"Now," Haley grins pulling away, "What is it that ya'll were talking about before I walked in?"

"Oh umm…" I toss a glance at Nathan not sure if I should tell her or not.

"Luke got Brooke a present," he reaches down and takes my hand. "It's a promise ring."

"Tigger!" Her eyes widen grabbing my hand. "Oh my god it's gorgeous."

"Thanks," I brush my hair out of my face. "I think he did a good job."

"He did a great job," she looks it over.

"Nate helped him pick it out," Rachel tells her.

"Really?" she spins around looking at him with a smile.

"Yeah I mean sorta. He was trying to decide if he should give her this one or get her own and though the other one was nice I just gave my opinion. It's not that big of a deal," he shrugs.

"Well I think you did a great job," I give him a small smile.

"Thanks."

"Well you know what that means right?" Haley wraps her arms around his neck getting on the tips of her toes looking up at him.

"What?" Nathan nervously swallows looking at her.

"That my boyfriend is so going to be amazing at getting me _my_ ring," she grins leaning up on her toes and giving him a kiss.

"Who says I'm ever going to get you a ring?" he teases slowly relaxing.

"Because you love me," she shrugs with a smile. "And it's just a matter of time until you decide you want to spend your _whole_ life with me."

"That's a long time."

"Yeah and you will enjoy every minute of it," she teases slipping her hand in his. "We are going to head to the pool ya'll coming?"

"Yeah let me change and we'll head over," I give her a smile and she nods.

"Come on handsome, me, you and a pool are in my future," she tugs his hand to follow.

"Alright I'm coming," he follows behind, pausing at the door and turning back. "Happy birthday Brookie," he gives a wink before heading out.

"Oh he is still so nervous," Rachel says as we watch them leave.

"Yeah I'm almost positive he will pee himself," I joke walking over to the dresser and grabbing my bathing suit.

"You want some coffee to take to the pool?" I hear Rachel call as I head in the bathroom to change.

"Yes please!" I yell back as I finish getting ready.

* * *

"They stare at him any longer and I'm going over there and yanking their fake blonde hair out," Haley mumbles, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Well least they aren't talking to him or anything," Rachel tries to help but knows it's no use.

For the last twenty minutes this group of girls by the pool has been watching Nathan. He gets in they watch, he gets out they watch, he swims a lap, like he is now, they watch. Now Haley is not one to get jealous, she is so comfortable in her relationship that since she has been with Nathan she hasn't cared, no matter what his old reputation use to be but these girls are driving her nuts.

Of course Nathan has yet to even notice them but it hasn't changed that Miss Haley James is two seconds away from kicking their asses.

"Doesn't matter they keep giggling and so blatantly pointing, and smiling at him. I mean hello am I invisible?" she waves her hands at herself as Nathan comes up from under the water in front of her lounge.

"You ok?" He asks running his hand through his hair making it stand up everywhere.

"Perfect baby," she slaps on a fake smile. "Good lap."

"Thanks," he gives her a wink going back under water and going for another lap.

"Stupid tramps," she crosses her arms over her chest with a growl.

"Hales their harmless," Rachel laughs leaning back in her chair.

"Yeah I mean they are just at the pool noticing an attractive guy," I agree closing my eyes and enjoying the warmth of the sun.

"Oh really no big deal huh?" she questions and we both give her a 'mhmm' "Well those no big deals are getting some new eye candy," she nods her head; we look up to see Lucas and Tony coming in.

"Hello gorgeous," one of the blonds bites her bottom lip as they walk by. "I want the one in black," she leans over to her friend and I see the blood in Rachel rise.

"Bitch better watch herself," she leans in her chair watching, the boys completely oblivious as they talk to Nathan as he is in the water.

"Well Kimmy already called the one in the pool and I have no problem with the one in blue," the brunette smirks running her eyes up and down Lucas.

"Ok I can hear the slut," I sit up, tightening my fist.

"Ha!" Haley laughs leaning back in her lounge. "See how you like your boyfriends getting ogled."

"Tony Richard Davis!" Rachel yells making his head snap over to look at her. "Here now!" she orders and he looks confused.

"Dude what you do?" I hear Lucas ask him and him just shrug.

"Yeah?" Tony walks over, to her Lucas right behind. "What's going on?" he questions.

"Come here," she holds up her finger and waving him over, to sit next to her. "You are with me got it," she tells him and he raises his brow confused. "Repeat it, you are with me and you are crazy in love with me."

"I'm with you?" his entire statement sounds like a question. "And I am crazy in love with you?"

"The thought of any other girl doesn't register and if you _ever_ touch and or think about one I have permission to knee you," her honey sweet tone that makes Haley and I laugh.

"Huh?" Tony looks at me confused and I just give him a smile, and shake my head at the confused look my boyfriend gives me.

"I'm confused," he furrows his brow.

"Good," she grins leaning in and shoving her tongue all the way down my brother's throat as his hands grip onto her waist.

"Whoa," Lucas turns his head with a chuckle.

"Now," Rachel yanks away as Tony sits with a dumb look and breathing heavy. "Go swim with Nathan," she smiles.

"Go swim with Nathan," he nods leaning in to kiss her again but she pulls back.

"Not now baby I'm not in the mood," she teases making him growl at her. "No growling," she points at him, leaning in giving him a small peak then pulling back. "Now go swim, I need to tan."

"You are baffling Rachel Gatina," he informs her making her laugh, "but I'm going to go swim, but only because I want to not because you told me too," he makes clear leaning up and kissing the top of her head before diving into the water.

"That was subtle," Haley laughs leaning back in her longue.

"I try," Rachel shrugs, putting on her sunglasses.

"Do I want to understand what just happened?" Lucas asks me clearly just as confused.

"No Broody, it will only confuse you more," I pat him on the head. "You just go swim."

"Ok?" he slowly stands up. "I really don't get girls."

"We are different creatures sir," Haley jokes.

"Yeah, I've noticed," he still seems confused as he gets up and heads towards the guys.

"Think skanks got the hint?" Rachel wonders.

"No," Haley shakes her head as they still watch the boys. "But I think they may think you are nuts," she teases and I can't help but laugh.

"Well good, you don't mess with a nuts person's boyfriend," she is clearly happy with herself and I again can't help but laugh.

* * *

They're still here.

The girls are still here and have now moved to sitting on the edge of the pool way to close to my Broody, brother and Natey. I think the boys noticed them about ten minutes back when the blonde who Rachel may murder, swam beside him and _accidently_ brushed against him. Tony let out a laugh saying it was fine when she apologized and went back to talking to the guys but the girls aren't giving up yet.

The black headed one is now about two feet away from Nathan and moving closer and if the brunette moves another step she will be in the center of the boys' conversation. To add to all of this we decided to go to this club for my birthday tonight so the girls went in to shower and get ready leaving me to watch the boys. It's exhausting watching the three of them.

"Ok, I'm hot," I stand up from the lounge, sweat dripping from the back of my neck. "Ok cold," I cringe when the water slips over my body and onto my stomach. Can someone explain to me why I can have the water hit my legs fine, arms fine, hell even my face but when it touches my stomach it's like the coldest thing ever? I have been like that since I was little and I know I'm not the only one.

Slipping my sunglasses on the top of my head, I swim across the pool over to the group of guys whose backs are to me. "Hello," I make my presences known as I swim in the water, wrapping my arms around my boyfriend's neck from behind.

"Hey Pretty Girl," Lucas smiles, taking my legs and wrapping them around his waist as he stands in the water.

"What ya'll talking about?" I ask, kissing the back of Lucas's shoulder before resting my chin on it.

"Brookie did you know that Luke graduated the same year as me?" Tony questions, running a wet hand through his dark hair.

"Well since ya'll are a few months apart I would assume that would be right," I tell him, reaching up and fixing his hair that was sticking up everywhere, getting burning glares from the three girls.

"Yeah well did you also know that he and Nash played on the same team when they were younger for basketball?"

"Really?" I didn't know that.

"Yeah we just realized it now but it was only like one season because then I moved to Tree Hill but yeah," Lucas tells me, his finger tracing on my legs.

"Small world huh?"

"Extremely," Nathan agrees, stretching his arms over his head.

"So B," Tony spins in the water, resting his back against the wall. "You think you could inform me why my girlfriend forcefully shoved her tongue in my mouth?"

"Oh like it was so painful for you," I roll my eyes.

"Hey! I am not some toy Brooklyn Davis, I have feelings and I don't like being assaulted with being informed first," he informs us with such a serious face that if I didn't know him I would think he was truly being serious.

"Uh huh," I give him a pointed look. "Well I will inform you that she did it because you three have fans."

"Fans?" He corks a brow at me and I nod my head behind him, at the girls who are still completely starring at them.

"Oh hello," he chuckles giving them a wink.

"Hi," the blonde smiles, before leaning into her friends and giggling.

"Tony!" I shriek throwing water in his face. "Have you forgotten something? Like a certain red head who promised to knee you if you did what you just did."

"Brooke I just said hi," he rolls his eyes. "Rachel is comfortable in our relationship, she knows she doesn't have to worry about some random girls," he swats his hands towards the girls.

"Well still, you better hope I don't tell her," I threaten and he growls at me as the guys laugh. "We are going to go down here," I nod my head towards the other end of the pool, pulling on Lucas's neck.

"We are?" he raises his brow.

"Yes _Boyfriend,_" I say his name a little louder then I need so the girls hear. I don't care what Tony says, I will make claim on my boyfriend no matter how comfortable I am in our relationship.

"Why?" he creases his brow but still staying still.

"Well…" I spin around on his body, my chest slammed against his. "I wanted to be more subtle but if you insist on just standing here…" I shrug before locking my hands in his blonde locks and slamming my mouth against his.

"Ugh!" I hear the scuff of the girls as they get out of the pool, but I don't care so much when I slip my tongue passed my boyfriend's lips and into his mouth.

"We are going down here," Lucas mumbles against my lips as we start moving towards the other end so it's just us alone. "What are you doing to me Brooke Davis?" he groans against my mouth making me pull back with a giggle.

"I'm making claim on you," I inform him, leaning back into him for another small peck.

"You don't have to do anything, I'm already yours," he tells me, pushing my wet hair from my face.

"I know," I shrug locking my hands together around his neck. "I just like everyone else knowing."

"Well I think they do now," he chuckles, pushing his lips back against mine. "Happy birthday Pretty Girl."

"Thank you Boyfriend," I smile biting down on my bottom lip. "This is probably the best birthday I have ever had," I tell him, spinning the ring on my finger with my thumb.

"Oh really? How so?"

"Well because I'm with my best friends in Florida, and because I'm with you and because for the first time in such a long time I'm happy," I shrug. "I don't remember the last time I was this happy Luke and I owe a big portion of that too you."

"All I want is you happy Pretty Girl," he tells me, wrapping his arms tighter around my waist, holding me close.

"And I am happy," I nod. "I'm happy and I am completely in love," I whisper the last statement across his lips before feeling them crash again into mine.

* * *

_You're the best damn girl in the whole wide world__  
__Baby you're the best in the whole wide world__  
__You're the only one that I'm ever gonna need__  
__Baby you're the one, only one for me_

The club was hot like most clubs normally are. The music is blasting through the room where sweaty bodies are crammed against each other on the dance floor, lights flashing all over their heads and even with the people all around; completely crammed on the small floor all I pay attention to is the boy holding me. The one who has his hands running up my body, who is whispering things in my ear and ever so often placing a tender kiss against my neck; he is honestly all I'm thinking about.

Circling my hips from side to side, to an occasional dip, I feel the groans that escape his mouth. His hands gripping tight into my hips and the ever so familiar bulge the will press against my back side. I know he is going nuts with it, I know that once I grind a little too hard he will pull himself away for a second, and take in a sharp breath before pulling me back against him and I know it's _hard_ for him, oops maybe that was the wrong choice of words.

"I love this song," I announce spinning around and wrapping my arms around his neck, pushing my body close.

"Me too," he murmurs, his eyes traveling down to the small amount of cleavage that is exposed from my black dress. "You look gorgeous tonight baby girl," he leans his forehead against mine.

"I wanted to look nice for you," I peer my eyes up at him, his hand gripping on the tight material of my back side.

"You always look good for me," he yanks my lower half closer against him as we move to the music. "You're perfect."

"I'm not perfect Lucas," I shake my head, dropping my eyes to the ground.

"No you're not," he surprisingly agrees and I let out a dry laugh. Glad he calls me that just to take it back. "No one is perfect but," he tilts my chin up to look at him. "You are perfect _for_ me. There is a difference."

"Yeah," I nod, my thumb stroking the back of his neck. "You're perfect for me too."

"Good," he smiles leans his head down for a kiss, holding me close as we start to move again.

_The best damn girl I've ever seen in my life__  
__Every time I look at you I'm proud that you're mine__  
__You just got the shape, just the shape that I like__  
__Everything about you got me feeling all right__  
__So I know that we can do it, baby all night__  
__We can make love anytime that you like__  
_

_Make love_, god I forgot what if feels like to make love, in all since of the term. From the physically feeing to the emotional one and that just makes me want to cry. How is it that I have _forgotten_ what it feels like to make love to their boyfriend? The way it feels when he touches me in those moments, or have him inside of me, kissing me a way he only does when we are making love and give me a look he only gives me in that moment.

Someone once told me that dancing is like having sex, just standing up and clothed. How sexually you can see the same lust that burns through the other person's eyes and how the hold you the same, caress you in a way that would only be acceptable in a bedroom and to a point I would agree with that but again I don't. I know for a fact that even if my mind is working to remember that making love to Lucas and dancing with him is _completely_ different. The emotions are different and I hate myself for fearing him.

In all the months I have been with Lucas I have never been afraid. I have never recoiled at his touches or let him get so close before jerking back but the last few months I have.

I'm not being fair to him.

No one has to tell me that I know it, I understand it but the thought of sex is petrifying me so much more now than before when I was a virgin and if I'm honest with myself I will admit it because I'm afraid it will be different.

That in a way I have forgotten how to do it, how to touch him and hold him; just like I have forgotten the way it feels for him to do it to me. I'm thankful to everything Lucas didn't let it happen the night he came home drunk because in a moment I think I would cave but in reality when I'm thinking straight I couldn't. I don't want to disappoint him, I don't want my mind to be racing so much with the thoughts of what _could_ happen affect me and then completely ruin it for us both.

I don't want to ever be bad to a point where he _doesn't_ want me.

"You ok?" he whispers to me noticing my distant look.

"I'm fine," I force a smile, knowing he would think I was nuts for thinking what I'm thinking. "I'm a little thirsty you want to get a drink?"

"Sure," he slips his hand in mine. "Come on," he guides me through the crowd and to the steps to exit the floor and return to the table everyone is at.

"And how is our birthday girl doing tonight?" Tony smiles taking a sip of his drink.

"Perfect," I again force a smile wishing the thoughts of sex and everything in my head would disappear.

"Well good," Tony leans over kissing the side of my head. "Come on Rachel," he slides out of the booth, "I want to dance."

"Alright," she stands up, sitting her purse on the table. "But if you start to do that weird dancing thing you do I'm cutting you off," she teases taking her hand in his.

"I don't do weird dancing," he rolls his honey eyes, "She just can't handle me," he informs us with a wink before walking off through the crowd.

"I'm going to go get your drink," Lucas whispers in my ear, standing up. "Nate you want to come with me to get the girls a drink?"

"Sure," Nathan stands up to follow.

"Hey Luke," I wave my boyfriend close. "Get Nate a few shots in him, loosen him up," I tease a little thinking Nathan is too worried about Haley saying no to him to enjoy his night.

"Good plan," he chuckles in my ear, kissing the top of my head, slapping his brother on the back before walking towards the bar.

"Alright," Haley slides in the booth next to me. "What's going on?"

"What you mean?" I play dumb, tearing a napkin that is in front of me apart.

"Brooke I know you, I know when you are thinking and when you are stressing so tell me," she grabs my knee giving it a squeeze. "Why is Birthday Girl so un-birthday happy?"

"I think I'm screwed up Haley," I confess dropping my head to her shoulder. "I love Lucas so much, but for some reason the thought of him _seriously_ touching me scares the hell out of me."

"What you mean? Ya'll have seen fine to me."

"And we are," I tell her quickly, the worry quickly wiping off her face. "I mean we are so much better than before. At one point I was so bad that I wouldn't let him kiss me but now I'm better. Thought are kisses are _different_ they are real and though I have gotten so much better at him touching me I still just can't bring myself to go all the way again."

"Brooke…"

"I'm stupid I know," I shake my head sitting back up. "I mean I have this amazing boyfriend who has been through so much with me yet I won't even have sex with him? What kind of terrible girlfriend am I?"

"You aren't!" she jumps to tell me. "Brooke a relationship is so much more than just sex."

"I know that but we can't lie and say it's not important. I keep telling him to give me time, I won't be like this forever but Haley I don't know…" I look back at the torn napkin. "I can't honestly tell anyone when I will feel ready and comfortable again."

"Brooke you don't have to go from zero to a hundred just like that," she snaps her fingers and I look confused. "Baby steps Brooke," she smiles giving me a one armed shrug. "Just take baby steps, ease into it. Just because ya'll do _something_ doesn't mean you have to go straight into having sex. Do what makes you comfortable and I know for a fact Lucas understands."

"I know he does," I nod knowing he understand way more than anyone and that he would never push it if I let it go so much. I guess I never really thought about it. I mean Haley is right; we can do stuff and not have sex. Let myself get comfortable in it all again before we let that happen.

"Just go slow Brooke," she pats my leg. "You are in complete control of it all and he knows that, so all you have to do is take baby steps," she smiles and I nod agreeing.

"Baby steps," I whisper to myself thinking. "That's all I have to do. That's what I _need_ to do," I agree knowing I need to do something to let Lucas know I'm still here, still wanting him. "You're right Haley," I give her a smile, pulling her into a hug. "Thank you."

"That's what I'm here for Brookie," she smiles, hugging me tight. "You know I'm always here."

"I know," I nod pulling out of our hug. "I love you Haley James."

"I love you too Brooke Davis," she smiles giving me a wink.

"And here you go," we look up to see Nathan sliding a drink over to her, a stupid smile etched on his face.

"Here you go Pretty Girl," Lucas slides a coke in front of me, before sliding his body next to me, his arm draping over my shoulder.

"He seems more relaxed," I nod my head at Nathan you is whispering something in Haley's ear and making her giggle.

"Yup," Lucas nods. "Thank you vodka," he says making me laugh. "You ok?" he dips his head down to talk in my ear, his breath over it making me shiver.

"Perfect Boyfriend," I grin, resting my body into his, cuddling up close, Haley's words repeating over and over in my head. _Baby steps_, I can do that, like I said I need to do that and when I look up at the boy next to me I _want_ to do that. "Completely perfect."

* * *

"What are you thinking?" Lucas asks as we walk by where the pool is. The night is nice; we just took a walk on the beach and got back from the club about thirty minutes ago. Though my feet were aching from my shoes, I so wanted to walk on the beach. Why I don't know but I did and it was perfect.

"You want to go swimming?" I ask tugging his hand towards the gate.

"Right now?" he raises a brow and I nod. "It's almost three," he informs me but not objecting as I pull him with me.

"Yes and we just walked on the beach and it's almost three, so I want to go swimming," I shrug opening the gate and walking in, to find it empty and the lights lighting up the pool.

"Well being your birthday I will allow it," he teases.

"Well it's not technically my birthday anymore but I'm not going to argue that one anymore," I say quickly walking towards the edge of the pool and slowly peeling my black dress off, leaving me in just my strapless bra and lace panties.

"Yup and I'm not going to either," I look over my shoulder to see him tilting to my side and looking a little low.

"Boyfriend are you checking me out?" I kink up a brow.

"Yup," he admits, licking his lips. "I'm definitely doing that."

"Oh Broody," I shake my head, bending my legs and diving in, the warm water covering over my body. To me nothing is better, other than a hot shower of course, but nothing is better than the warm Florida air and a warm pool at night. "Luke…" I giggle when two arms grab into my waste and pulls me into him.

"Hello," he has his boyish grin on when I spin around to look at him.

"Hello," I smile, lifting my arm from the water and wrapping it around his neck. "You know what I was just thinking?"

"No what?"

"I was thinking I knew you sooner," I tell him and he looks at me confused. "I was just thinking about how you said you knew Nash and I was thinking if Tony might have gone to Tree Hill instead of staying at his old school when we moved he would have met you. Ya'll I'm sure would have run in the same social crowd so maybe I would have met you sooner, gotten you sooner."

"I wouldn't have wanted that," he shakes his head and I crease my brow at him confused. "I've told you before the person I was before Brooke would never have been a person I would have wanted you around. Even if we did get together I would have found a way to screw it up and if I did I would have lost out on something really amazing."

"Maybe," I shrug wondering if that's true. That even if Lucas and I are meant to be together if we met sooner and he treated me how he did Aislinn that we would have broken up and never known what could have been. That sometimes it can be the right person, the right feelings but it's the wrong time. I think relationships are more about timing than anything else because sadly I think I would agree with him. Even if I met him sooner I don't think we would be together today. "Plus if you were Tony's friend you might have seen me as the little sister."

"Oh I don't think that would have been the problem," he chuckles moving slowly in the water.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, the moment I would have met you I would have known that I would have tried something. Honestly don't know how Nash and Heath have restrained."

"Oh I'm sure it has been terrible for them," I tease, playing with the hairs on the back of his neck. "But there is also the small fact that I am not meant to be with them."

"And who are you meant to be with?" he stops in the water.

"Well…" I take a step closer to him. "I'm kind of thinking you," I grin leaning up to give him a kiss.

"Yeah?" he questions against my mouth and I nod, enjoying out kiss, until my loving boyfriend being him pulls back. "You know I never realized how much shorter you are than me before," he randomly states running his eyes over my body.

"Really? Never before have you realized that?" I question and he just shrugs, moving us through the water again. "Never realized how you have to bend down a little more than most to kiss me, or the fact I can rest my head on your chest and you can rest you chin on top?"

"No," he shakes his head. "Seriously how short are you?"

"I'm not short," I roll my eyes. "You are just tall."

"So you're what five foot something?" he raises his brow and I look at him confused to why we are having this discussion.

"Well I'm not a midget."

"Hmm…" he tosses a glance over his shoulder and starts moving back.

"Lucas…" I fight his movements but he keeps his hands on my hips guiding me back. "Baby I can't stand here," I tell him but he doesn't seem to care just keeps going back until the water hits my chin and I have to tilt my head up, barely standing on my tip toes. "Lucas Scott!" I groan jumping up in the water and wrapping my legs around his waist.

"Aww what's wrong?" he laughs, holding onto my hips, running his hands over my thighs before running back up and to my waist.

"You think you're so funny huh?" I questions and he just shrugs. "Some little plan to get me all wrapped around you?"

"Not even," he shakes his head. "I just like my shoulders in the water so I don't get cold, not my fault my girlfriend is so little."

"I am not little!" I playfully growl at him. "Jerk!" I tease placing my hands on the top of his head and pushing him under water.

"Brooke Davis!" he comes up, wrapping his arms around my waist and yanking me under, completely ignoring my screams to stop.

"Ok, ok, ok truce…" I come up breathing heavy as we move through the water until my back is against the wall. "Truce," I catch my breath as Lucas stands in front of me, my body is wrapped around his.

"Truce…" he nods lifting my chin. "Truce…" he whispers before pressing his lips against mine. His tongue hesitantly runs over my bottom lip, nibbling on it before slipping it passed my lips before his tongue starts wresting with mine.

"Mmm…" I moan against his mouth, grinding my hips against his. Him wrapping his arms around my waist, crushing my body against his and I feel once again when he starts to _react_ to my hips grinding against him.

"Sorry…" he apologizes pulling away from me a little embarrassed I know. Hating that seems to happen so much lately. I think it's because he has gone so long without it which I know again is my fault. Yet even though he has no control I know that he hates when it just _pops_ _up_ on him. "I-"

"It's ok," I grab onto his head pulling him back. "It's fine…" I smile pulling him down to kiss me.

"Brooke…" he yanks in a sharp breath when I slip my hand in the front of his boxers. "Baby…uhh…" he moans in my ear. "You don't have too," he hisses in my ear, biting down on my earlobe.

"I want too…" I grin, speeding up my hand and kissing the side of his neck.

"Mhmm…" he hums, dropping his head down on my shoulder, kissing it.

"Yo! Brooke!" we hear someone yell, Lucas's head jerking up. "Luke! Where ya'll at?"

"Brooke we- shit baby…" Lucas groans when my hand tightens around him and my speed increases.

"Shh…" I hush, leaning to kiss his neck, running my kisses up it until reaching his ear. "It's ok…" I bite his earlobe making him hiss in my ear.

"They are right there Brooke…" he rolls his head back when I start sucking on his neck.

"And I'm right here," I shrug pulling back to look him in the eyes. "With you," I grin leaning up and kissing him, the emotion taking over him as he grabs onto my face and shoves his tongue down my throat.

"Mmm…" he moans in my mouth, biting down on my bottom lip making me give him a tight squeeze.

"Uh huh,' I shake my head of our kiss when I feel his hand start to play with my panties.

"Brooke I-uhh…" he lets out a low moan biting down on my neck making me groan. "It's only fair…" he informs me, his finger grazing over me and making my body shudder.

"No," I ignore the feeling. Now with my baby steps I won't lie and say I don't want him to but I want it to be about him right now. I don't want him to think I never will do something for him without expecting it back. I love him, and I want him to know that just because I'm distant with that part of our relationship I'm still here. "I want to do this for you."

"I want to do something for you," his finger hook around the small material.

"Not tonight," I tell him, my hand speeding up, his lips locking onto mine as his hands grip my hips yanking me into him and again I grind my hips, but keeping my hand moving.

"Brooke…" he breathes out heavy as with one quick stroke he gets the release he has been begging for, for weeks. "Baby…" he kisses up my neck, along my jaw line before slamming his lips against mine.

"You ok?" I giggle in our kiss.

"Perfect," he smiles against my mouth, making my heart flutter.

"There you are," Lucas and I tilt our heads up too see Tony and Nathan standing on the edge of the pool.

"Oh good Brooke please tell me you aren't topless," Tony slams his hand over his eyes, clearly not seeing my bra.

"It's strapless T," I laugh shaking my head.

"I don't want to look," he speaks like a child at a scary movie.

"It's true Tony," Lucas's breath still trying to slowly down, him placing his hands on my hips and lifting my body up from the water enough to show my clothed.

"Eww B!" he cringes looking at me. "Put some clothes on. No one wants to see that!" he informs me, spinning on his feet and heading back towards the condo.

"I wouldn't agree with that," Lucas smirks against my ear making me giggle again.

"Sorry to interrupt guys, everyone just wanted to make sure ya'll were alright," Nathan explains the whole search party. "I'm going to head back inside, enjoy your night," he gives us a wink before following the lead Tony just took and walking out.

"We should head back," I go to move out of the water but Lucas garbs my hand to stop me.

"Brooke, I don't want you to feel-"

"Broody," I cut him off. "Don't say it, don't even think it. I love you," I whisper slipping back in the water, wrapping my arms back around his neck. "I love you so much and anything that happens is because I want it happening ok?"

"I know I just don't want you to think it has to happen."

"I never think that Lucas," I promise, giving him a reassuring smile. "That is the last thing I ever think."

"Ok," he finally agrees leaning in to kiss me gently. "I love you too," he tells me with a smile.

"Good," I bite my bottom lip with a smile. "Now come on I'm exhausted and probably need a shower before bed."

"Alright Pretty Girl," he eases out of the pool, reaching for my hand and helping me out. "You're freezing," he rubs my arms to warm me up. "Here," he pulls his shirt from that night over my head, grabbing my dress and his pants.

"Thanks," I shiver, welcoming the warmth of his shirt as he slips his arm around my shoulder as we start heading out of the pool.

"You know," I tuck a wet strand of hair behind me ear, slipping my arm around his waist. "I think it might have been a good thing Tony and Nathan just find us a few minutes sooner. Yours and Tony relationship might seriously get a little awkward a few days," I tease making him laugh.

"Yes I agree it might have strained our friendship some," he chuckles kissing the top of my head and I smile at the feeling. The comforting feeling of the old us, the us we were before everything happened the us that I have been missing and the us I have been begging to get back to for so long.

* * *

**So new chapter, and I have good and bad news. Bad news is that we only have two chapters left of our loving Diary! But the good is that those two chapters are pretty much done just a few more parts to add and finishing up on the last one so they should be updated quick!**

**Well I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I promise to update Not Expecting That soon! I know I have had a lot of people asking about it and I will promise! Also if you haven't checked out my new story called Price You Have To Pay, I have gotten a lot of feedback on it and seriously love ya'll for it!**

**Well until next time love ya'll and review!**


	42. Chapter 42

"A boy," I hear Lucas whisper behind me as we lay in bed.

"What?" I flip over on my back, finding him just staring at the roof.

"When you first told me that you were pregnant…I wanted it to be a boy," he tells me. "I've thought about it before. I wanted a little boy because I felt guilty."

"What do you mean you felt guilty?" I ask confused flipping over on my side to look at him.

"Growing up I wasn't the best brother to Nathan," he confesses completely baffling me because Nathan has always talked so highly of his brother. "Up until about sixteen I barely put up with him. To me he was just like this real annoying little person that followed me everywhere. Of course I loved him but I only loved him because I was supposed to you know? I wasn't close to him like you are with Tony and Jason. Or how insanely close you and Kylee are or the way you baby Aiden. I just put up with him, he was just there."

"I understand. Kylee and I weren't always close," I shrug knowing for a short period of time I almost resented my little sister for coming along.

"Yeah well you didn't treat Kylee bad. I treated Nathan horrible but it didn't seem to faze him. He didn't seem to notice that I was just an ass to him. But then one day I had to take him to practice and I was so pissed. I was pissed that I had to take time out of my day to do something for the annoying little kid who was with me all the time. He was fifteen, I was eighteen and I had only had my new car about a month and out of nowhere this damn dog darts across the road. I slam on the breaks and jerk the wheel making the tires squeal and the car to skid down the road before slamming right into a tree."

"Were ya'll ok?" I ask knowing its stupid, hell they are ok. They are both breathing today.

"Yeah…" He lets out a dry laugh. "I was high," he mumbles rolling off the bed, walking over to the balcony and looking out. "It could have been so much worse. Nate just had some cuts and his back was sore but nothing bad, but the thing that really got me was the fact he covered for me."

"What you mean?" I ask confused and still trying to processes the fact Lucas was high. He from what I have seen was not for the drug thing, he hates all that stuff.

"Well someone saw the wreck I guess because before I knew it we heard sirens and I freaked. I had some stuff on me, not a lot but just a little because I had smoked some earlier with Felix…" Big shocker, "Well Nate yanked me out of the car and kept telling me to get in the passenger seat and I was so confused. But he kept yelling at me to get in the passenger seat and he told me to give him whatever I had on me and I did and next thing I know Nate is running a little in the woods with the bag and then comes running back out, jumping in the driver's seat as the cops showed up."

"Why would he do that?" I ask not getting why Nathan would just change seats.

"Well when the cops showed up he said I was sick and we were home alone and had to take me to the hospital. How I had this bad pain all through my back and was having trouble moving. That I had taken some pain pills that were mine, which I guess helped explain why I was so out of it but he thought I took too much and was scared so was taking me."

"Why would he cover for you like that? I mean he was fifteen he could have got in a lot of trouble."

"Yeah I know…" He shook his head with a dry laugh. "But he said I was his big brother," he shrugs still staring off into the night, "That I was his big brother and needed help so he helped. God Dan and Deb were so pissed at him. He got where they took his license away from a year but it was erased when he turned eighteen. I guess he thought it would stay on my record forever and he didn't want it screwing up my life."

"Wow, guess he really loves you."

"Yeah. After that day I got better for him. Stopped doing dumb shit, didn't bitch when he asked me to do thing anymore. Didn't care when he needed a ride because it was my fault and I don't know I guess all of a sudden he became my best friend and not my annoying little brother anymore."

"Well I…why umm…" I trail off feeling bad I didn't understand why he wanted a boy then.

"I thought it was like a start over," he seems to read my mind. "That if I have a boy I would do right with him all the time like I should have done right with Nathan. It may not make much since but I don't know when you told me you were pregnant that was what I first thought."

"Oh."

"But then I thought how I would want a little girl because I love Lily so much. The time with her is great and something about a little girl would just seem to make my world complete. Then the fact I would want her to be just like you added to the fact I wanted a little girl."

"Luke…" I sigh feeling guilty again.

"That night we spent apart I thought a lot Brooke," he tells me and my heart races just thinking about that night. "I thought how everything was like spiraling out of control. How you were slipping away, how every little thing was making me nuts, I couldn't stand being around my brother, or my family, friend or anyone. It was like I couldn't processes what was going on in my life anymore, and I blamed you for that."

"Lucas…I… I'm sorry," I apologize that I did that to him, that I had him feeling so crazy.

"You are like a crazy rollercoaster Brooke," he turns facing me and I'm scared again. I am petrified by what is going on right now. "You came speeding into my life so fast it made my head spin and you are insecure, over think everything that is happening, can't make up what you are feeling and thinking and let people's relationships weigh in on ours and sometimes I feel like I can't take it," he explains and it scares me how insanely calm he is through this whole thing.

"Luke it's late and I don't know what you are thinking or wanting but could it not be tonight, couldn't it be when we get home?" I question because I would have preferred his thoughts on me to come out when we are not on vacation where I thought everything was going good.

"No…I have wanted to say this for a long time and I just…I just want to say it all now," he explains and I nervously nod waiting for him to continue. "When I first met you I could tell you were different and honestly at first I did not want a relationship. Aislinn and I had a relationship that started off rocky but it became pretty normal and it ended so bad that I was just not looking for anything anymore. I thought when I met someone it would be random, passing at the store, I would fix their car and they would be there or school or something. I had finally decided I was done looking completely," he explains to me.

"Ok…" I mumble not really sure what I am supposed to say to that.

"Walking into that house Brooke you just like drew me in and it was so damn annoying," he growls clenching his hand tight.

"Sorry, I didn't mean too," I apologize shifting a little on the bed, pulling the sheet close.

"That was it, you didn't even do anything. You just didn't throw yourself at me which was refreshing and you didn't even really talk to me but like I said before something about you had me hooked. I let it go and I tried to ignore it but then when I ran into you at the bar I thought well that's it. She was the random in passing girl and though I do not want to have a relationship I am not going to ignore something that is so clearly slapping me in the face."

"You could have. If you wanted to it wouldn't have been that big of a deal," I shrug knowing if he never perused me I would have never of thought about it. Yeah maybe my mind would have wondered to him or thought about how cute he was, especially if he hung out with us but it's not like I would have known anything different.

"That's it I couldn't have. I couldn't have just forgotten you and as soon as I kissed you I knew that was true," he gives me a smile that I can't help but smile back at. "But then you slammed the breaks on it, slammed them so hard that I went through the windshield and it baffled me. I first thought ok it was because you just weren't looking for anyone, that you were giving me a nice line of lets be friends and see what happens, but had no intention on us ever trying. I mean yeah it was like a blow in the stomach but I was like ok fine. She isn't interested in me and I over thought everything."

"But I didn't. I really meant when I said I wanted to get to know each other Lucas. I swear and even to this day I sometimes wish I would have just said ok that day because we would have missed out on a lot of time apart and a lot of hurting."

"I know and I understand that now but at the time that was what I thought. Yet you would give me these smiles, a sideways glance you didn't think I caught but I did, or how when we were hanging out with all the guys you would make sure to be sitting next to me, flirt with me, at some point make sure that your body would come in contact with mine."

"You make me sound like a creepier, or really annoying," I mumble thinking that would annoy anyone.

"It didn't," he laughs shaking his head. "It was farthest from it. I just thought ok she is making sure to let me know she is right there, that she is feeling something and wants me to get that and I did. Yet it should have been a sign to me that your fears were going to be big for us, but I was ok with it. I thought if that was what had to happen, fine ok whatever. But you would just get so jealous over things-"

"Whoa wait a minute here. You are the one who got all jealous about Nash, you would get jealous over any guy I talked to!" I interject that one. I know ok I hated and was jealous over that Theresa thing but I wasn't the only one.

"I know that and I understood that but when I would try to talk to you, try and get you to understand or anything I would find you off with some other guy and ok I was jealous. I admit I was jealous of Nash when I saw ya'll together and then when I met David I hated the guy too. I thought we were growing to be something and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why you were just off with some guy I didn't know…"

"Ok Luke I… I don't want to fight," I hold my hands up to stop it.

"I know I'm not meaning to. I'm…I'm sorry," he apologizes and I nod for him to continue. "But I let it go and that night at Rachel's I wasn't going to fight with you. I was just going to once again not look for something, let things happen how they were supposed to."

"And they did," I grin like a kid making him chuckle.

"Yeah Pretty Girl it did," he smiles and just like all the times he calls me that I relax. "But then there was your innocence," and I gulp nervous about this one, "It scared me ok, I admit that you being a virgin freaked me out bad."

"Oh…I thought you liked that about me?" I frown a little looking down.

"I do!" He tells me quickly, "God I do but doesn't mean it didn't freak me out. I will admit Brooke alright I have a past, you know about it and yeah I have had some girls…" Yeah he uses the word _some_ loosely, "But I have only been with one virgin and that is you and the whole time I couldn't even concentrate on anything because the pressure of knowing I was going to be what you would always remember was a little nerve racking."

"I'm sorry?" I hate it comes off as more of a question, not sure if I am supposed to be saying that.

"I mean it wasn't your fault. It's just I get girls are big on their first, well some are and being as you had waited eighteen years before me, I realized you clearly thought it was a big deal. And as a guy who has to drive an hour after his _virgin girlfriend_ says she wants to be with you is a little unnerving. I just keep thinking I have to make this be right, I can't just be so nervous that I completely fail."

"Guys think too much about last forever in bed," I mumble.

"Yes I know but we are guys we do it and I did not want to mess it up. Then the fact I knew it would hurt freaked me out and I honestly was doing all I could to somewhat put off the act, because I was nervous Brooke. I mean even if we aren't together anymore or for some reason when we broke up it lasted longer than it did you are always going to remember that. Ask all your friends and I bet even with the long list they remember exactly two, one being their first and the second the first time they ever slept with the person they loved."

"Well I remember both," I shrug. "First I time I had sex and first time I made love and they were both equally amazing," I tell him making him smile.

"Ugh I hate you can do that!" His smile falls and he throws his hands in the air and again I am confused.

"What did I do?" I try not to laugh at his frustration.

"It drives me nuts that you can just smile at me and I just go dumb! No girl has ever been able to do that to me and I have known a lot of girls. But you…" He points at me making me have to swallow my laugh, "You can do it and I look dumb. Everyone knows it; everyone sees that for some reason you Brooke Davis…ugh I don't like it."

"I don't mean to do that. I won't smile anymore," I joke biting down on my bottom lip.

"Stop I'm being serious Brooke," he whines and I laugh a little more before yanking it back.

"I know I'm sorry I know you are." I apologize knowing he is trying to be serious. That he is trying to explain everything he has been feeling throughout our relationship.

"I love you Brooke alright, it's clear everyone knows it; I don't try to hide it. But I also realized something…"

"What?" I climb off the bed walking over to him noticing how his whole demeanor changed. His voice, his body language, he completely changed with whatever he is thinking, "What did you realize?" I stand in front of him.

"I can't protect you," he frowns brushing my hair back. "I try so hard to and when you lost our baby god it killed me, it crushed me and a major thing was because I saw you dying. I saw you breaking in front of me and god Brooke I was trying so hard not to let that happen."

"It's ok Luke. I'm better now," I somewhat lie playing with the necklace that hung around his neck.

"Pretty Girl you're not," he frowns running his hand slowly up under my shirt, stroking my stomach. "And I can't fix you."

"Lucas it's not your job," I look up at him. "Your job is not supposed to be fix me when I am broken, your job is supposed to be here, love me and even if I don't get back to how I was before you still love me and want to be with me just the same."

"Brooke I see your face," he shakes his head. "Like at the beach when that baby came up, or when we pass a store in the mall with baby stuff or that you look at Lily and you try everything inside of you not to break, and I want to make that better for you. I want to more than anything and I hate myself for not being able too."

"I don't blame you," I lock my eyes on him making sure he knows I don't at all blame him for anything.

"I know you don't. I just… I lied," he whispers looking at me and my stomach drops. "I promised to protect you and...I can't. I just can't and I realized that. Everything was building up in me and it was only because I realized I can't."

"Lucas…" I reach up brushing my fingers across his cheek.

"I realized that's what I was feeling is that I'm petrified that you are going to realize I can't keep that promise and I'm going to lose you because of it."

"Why? Why would you even think that?"

"Because if you realize I can't keep that promise you might start thinking I can't keep the promise of loving you and if you think that I know you will start thinking I won't keep the promise of giving you your baby," he admits and it all makes since to me. The little fights we would get in just to have him quickly back track on it, how he would start an argument but freak so instead of admitting everything he was feeling he just let it build up in fear I wouldn't understand. Yet I understand; I understand completely.

I don't know what was in me, I don't know why I did it but almost on instinct with him this close to me I push my lips against his. It's not rushed nor rough just simple. It's my lips against his for once feeling completely relaxed.

"I love you," I whisper pulling back too look at him. "I don't love you for the promises you make or because you want to give me everything. I love you because you make me feel safe, you made a promise that might be impossible on keeping and you did it without fear. In that one moment Lucas I fell in love with you all over again," I tell him. "I know you're human. You aren't in control of anything that happens to me and I don't hold you to anything. I also know that you will do everything you can to give me everything I want but I need you to know that I don't expect it."

"I want to be able to Brooke. I swear I do."

"I know," I nod knowing that's true. I know without a doubt he wants to do everything he can to make things right for me; give me everything I want. "But I don't expect you too. Just because you can't keep a promise that is not at all in your power I'm not going to doubt if you love me."

"Brooke I-"

"I need you Lucas," I interrupt him. "In my life I don't see a time where I will be ok without you here. God I love you so much that it hurts inside being away from you too long or going a long period of time without talking to you. I don't seem to work without you."

"I don't want you to work without me," he wraps his arms around me holding me close. "In my life I have loved exactly five things with everything inside of me. My mom, Keith, Lily and Nathan and you," he says the last part with a smile. "And I know I can't work right in life without those five things."

"Well you don't have too," I smile, him giving me a half grin. "Lucas I never thought you were going to happen, I have said it before but now…now I don't know how I would have gotten by this last year without you."

"You might have experienced a lot less pain," he lets out a dry laugh. "If I wasn't here you wouldn't have gone through what you have Brooke. The fighting, the break ups, the baby," he whispers the last part looking away from me.

"Lucas…" I frown as he steps away from me.

"That's something else I thought about," he moves over and sits on the bed. "If it wasn't for me you would have never had sex and if you never had sex you would have never gotten pregnant and you wouldn't have lost the baby and you wouldn't have just completely shut down."

"Lucas you don't know any of that," I argue moving to sit next to him. "Just because you weren't there doesn't mean it wouldn't have happened. I mean I could have started dating Shane and slept with him because the idea was so perfect in my head just to realize I felt nothing or I don't know David and completely lost my friend or just someone I met in passing. This year could have gone differently yes but it went how it was supposed to."

"I never should have pressured you that morning," he places his head in his hands. "That is why I was so frustrated all those weeks. It wasn't you or anyone and I hate I made it sound like it was but the real reason was because _I _hate myself for it, I blame me," he admits and my jaw drops a little. Why would he ever think that? "I knew that morning you didn't want to but I pushed, and I pushed and I pushed and you gave in and look what happened, look what _I _did," he points at himself. "God damn it," he curses standing up from the bed as I sit still, my mind racing.

"Lucas," my voice cracks as I get up walking back over to him. "Lucas," I grab his arm to turn him to look at me but he doesn't budge, just stays focusing out the back sliding glass door. "Lucas look at me damn it," I order but still he doesn't move. "Lucas Scott," I growl sliding my body between the tiny space between him and the door, my body all smashed against it. "Lucas," I grab his chin jerking it down. "You did nothing to me…"

"Brooke…" he shakes his head clearly disagreeing.

"No shut up," I order, placing both hands on the side of his cheeks, tipping up on my toes for a better view. "What happened to me was because of me. What I did and my choices are what lead to where I am and it has _nothing_ to do with you. I love you ok? I love you so I gave myself to you because _I _again choose too. You have never and I repeat _never_ pressured me into doing something I didn't want to do. God do you think for a second I have ever regretted my decision on that?"

"I…" he goes to answer but shakes his head I guess not knowing.

"Never!" I answer for him. "You should never have to think about that, you should never wonder or worry or think otherwise. The moment you kissed me I knew that you were going to be the one and that morning when you didn't run it confirmed all that. I may not be sure on many things I do and I may never be sure on anything ever again but whether I am nineteen or ninety- eight I will never ever regret being with you Lucas, I will never be upset you were my first."

"Brooke I just…" he trails off taking my face in his hands, leaning his forehead against mine. "I don't want you to think I'm some sort of fraud or something."

"Lucas why would I ever think that?" I ask completely baffled.

"Because I think you think I am a lot better of a person then I am. I have flaws Brooke, big ones and I just never want to disappoint you that's all."

"You won't Luke," I give him a smile. "I know I joke about it but I don't really think you are completely incapable of messing up. Hell we have both messed up plenty of times, but what shows me you are perfect for me is the fact that it doesn't change us. We don't change or bullshit each other or anything. At the end of the day you are still that boy who walked into my best friend's house and tried to liquor me up," I tease making him finally laugh.

"And you are still the girl who tried to get me naked in bed," he throws back making me laugh.

"Didn't have to try too hard," I grin, swaying my body back towards the bed, pulling him with me.

"Yeah, I felt so used," he pouts making me playfully roll my eyes and pull him down on the bed with me.

"You poor baby," I run my hand through his hair as he positions himself back on top of me; his body feeling completely at ease against mine. "I love you Lucas Scott you know that? I don't think I will ever truly love someone the way I do you," I confess really praying Lucas is the only person I will ever love.

"Well I love you too Pretty Girl," he leans down grazing his lips across mine. "More then you will ever know," he whispers before pushing harder against my lips and sending a shock wave all through my body.

* * *

"I'm starving," Rachel rolls over on the couch to look at us. "We only have two days left, why don't we go out?"

"Where do you want to go?" Tony runs his towel over his head to dry his hair.

"I don't know what is good around here?" she wonders, never being here before I guess it would make since no one would know.

"Well there is like this place off the beach," I hand the last dish to dry to Haley. "It's of course seafood but it's got tons of other food too."

"That sounds good to me," Haley shrugs putting the plate in the cabinet. "I'll run and change real quick," she snaps the towel against my butt as she skips out.

"I'll go get Nate and Luke," I dry my hands and walking to the back porch. "Hey," I slide the back door open, the Florida heat engulfing me. "Hey guys we are going to head out to eat soon," I tell them. "What's going on?" I question seeing a nervous Nathan sitting on the swing.

"Nate is freaking out," Lucas informs me with a laugh.

"Shut up Luke," Nathan throws his foot up, kicking him.

"Aww Natey what's wrong?" I ask falling down into my boyfriend's lap.

"He thinks Haley is going to say no," Lucas informs me.

"Again Lucas shut up!" He growls, downing the rest of his drink and Lucas laughing.

"Baby be nice," I order him, playing with the hairs on the back of his neck.

"You know it's easy to be cocky when you never have to worry about Brooke saying no," Nathan throws his hand at me. "Hell anyone being as you will never ask," he grumbles crossing his arms over his chest.

"What do you mean?" I ask looking down at now a growling Lucas.

"Lucas doesn't believe in marriage, he thinks it ruins a relationship," Nathan mocks him with a growl.

"Shut up Nathan," Lucas copies his brother's mood.

"She isn't going to say no," I look back at Nathan. "She is so hopelessly and ridiculously in love with you there is no way she would ever say no," I give him a reassuring smile.

"But what if she does?" he asks looking like a lost puppy afraid he will never get home again.

"She isn't," I promise climbing out of Lucas's lap and over to the other Scott boy. "Since she has met you all she has done is talked about her life and future with _you_," I pat his hand. "She isn't going to say no."

"Ok," he lets out a long breath. "But if she says no then you are going to have to marry me," he jokes pointing at me.

"Ok," I laugh feeling it's the least I could do.

"Alright well I'm going to go change real quick," he stands up, trying to realize his body.

"Alright Hot Shot you go change," I slap his butt as he walks back inside the house.

"You need to watch your hand placement," Lucas teases as I sit on the swing.

"Aww Boyfriend," I stand up walking over to him. "I'm sorry, but when it comes to Nathan I just can't control myself," I joke climbing up in his lap. "He's so damn sexy," my lip twitches up into a smirk.

"No longer are you allowed around my brother," he informs me with such a serious expression.

"You're amazingly dumb," I roll my eyes, tossing my hair over my shoulder as I look at him. "You know no one else registers to me but you," I lean in giving him a soft kiss. "Now come on," I start to ease out of his lap. "We are about to be leaving."

"Brooke wait," he grabs my arms and pulls me back into him. "About what Nathan said," he frowns and I tilt my head confused. "About the marriage thing," he clarifies and I nod.

"Yeah I didn't know you thought about marriage like that," I shrug not seeing the big deal.

"It's not that I think marriage is stupid or pointless," he tells me. "It's just I feel like the whole idea of it can just mess with a relationship sometimes. I've seen happy couples last together for years and then they get married and I don't know it just messes it all up."

"Luke you don't have to explain yourself to me," I tell him, understanding what he means because my own brother thinks that. Tony thinks marriage is the craziest idea ever, thinks he can just be as happy with someone, living together, having a family and never getting married. Do I agree with that? Honestly I don't know, I have never really thought about it.

"I know I just didn't-"

"Lucas," I place my finger to his lips to stop him. "Marriage is the last thing on my mind. I'm nineteen; I don't want to be married."

"You sure?"

"I'm positive. This is all I need," I give him a smile, holding my hand up showing the ring he got me. Trust me right now this is all I need. "All I am thinking about right now is how unbelievably hungry I am," I bite my bottom lip, truly meaning that.

"Ok," he nods, as I climb out of his lap, his hand slapping into my butt as I move.

"Hey!" I spin around pointing at him. "You need to watch your hand placement mister," I warn making him chuckle.

"You know one of the perks of being the boyfriend?" he raises his brow slowly standing in front of me.

"What?" I place my hands on my hips looking at him.

"Well," he takes another step forward and placing his hands on the side of my thighs. "Since I'm your boyfriend," his hands slowly start sliding up my legs and his head dips by my ear. "I can really place my hands wherever they want," he nibs on my ear and his hands end on my butt.

"Good to know," I breathe out heavy, feeling my heart race. "I'll definitely keep that in mind," I nod slipping my hands in the front of his pockets. "For my next boyfriend of course," I joke yanking him close. "Time to get ready _current_ boyfriend," I spin on my feet away from him.

"You know Brooke Davis, I'm going to have a comeback to that one day," he waves his finger at me. "Just wait it's going to be fantastic," he follows me as I yank the door open.

"Alright Broody," I laugh walking back into the cool room. "I'll be prepared for that amazing comeback."

* * *

"Why as girls do ya'll take so many pictures?" Tony groans as Haley, Rachel and I snap another picture of something.

"Because we are young, hot and at the beach," Rachel explains sliding her arm around his waist. "Now smile," she pokes his rib as she rests her head on his chest for a picture.

"I don't want to," he mumbles, keeping his face like a pouting child.

"Tony Davis!" Rachel's tone raises and with a growl a smile graces his face.

"Gorgeous," Haley smiles as Rachel walks over to look at the new picture.

"Way to hold your ground," Nathan teases making him growl again and Lucas laugh.

"Your table is ready," we look up to see a young guy standing there. He doesn't look that much older than us, maybe Tony's age but he is handsome I'll give him that. His hair a little long all over, really dark eyes and the cutest boy next door smile that I'm sure drives tons of girls' nuts. "Follow me."

"Gladly." "Oh definitely," "Gorgeous," Haley, Rachel and I all smirk at the same time, Rachel grabbing my hand as I grab Haley's pulling her along.

"Don't think I like that."

"Did Haley just say gladly?"

"Dude my girl said oh definitely." We hear the boys follow behind us making us laugh as we arrive at the table, taking our seats.

"My name is Jared I will be your waiter this evening," Jared flashes a gorgeous smile, as he pulls his pen out from behind his ear. "Would ya'll like to start with a drink?"

"Beer," "Don't care what kind." "Surprise us," the boys all say at the same time with the same grumble.

"Alright," he writes it down before nodding his head at Rachel.

"Coke is fine," she tells him, as she starts to look over her menu.

"Same," Haley smiles before leaning over to Nathan and asking if he would eat the side on the food she wanted.

"And what about you?" Jared's gaze falls onto me, making me shift a little at the look he gives me. "What can I get you?"

"Just a sweat tea," I give a half sided smile, feeling Lucas burn holes in him.

"Then I'll be right back," he gives me one more smile before walking off.

"You alright?" I ask my boyfriend who is staring way too intently at his menu, almost as if his eyes are going to set the thing on fire.

"Perfect," he drops his hand to my leg, giving my thigh a tight squeeze, never moving his eyes from the menu.

"Alright," I left my own menu to look for what I want.

* * *

So as we sit here I have realized three things. The view of the beach from here is amazing, the warm breeze rushing over my body is relaxing and Jared is hitting on me.

I'm not conceded I swear but I'm not stupid either and I know when I'm getting hit on and Jared is anything but subtle. He came to deliver our drinks and I swear I don't know how he handed out drinks because his eyes never left me. Then when he came back for no real reason at all because we were still looking what we wanted and he stood right next to me, placed his hand on my chair so it would graze over my shoulder, asked us random questions to stay longer and after everyone said something he would look at me and smile.

Then to add to that I realized one more thing;

Lucas doesn't like it.

"He looks at you one more time and I'm kicking his ass," he grumbles against his beer taking a sip.

"Broody are you jealous?" I tease making him growl at me, "Aww Luke don't be jealous."

"I am not jealous," he scuffs at the idea, sipping on his drink.

"Luke you are so jealous. Your little growl, your little I am going to beat this guy's ass if he says one more word to Brooke," Rachel points out and he growls again making everyone laugh.

"I just want someone to explain to me how there are two other girls at this table yet he decides to flirt with my girl? Decides he is going to be all sweet, and blatantly hitting on _my _girlfriend. I mean damn both Rachel and Haley are hot why not bother them?" He questions and we all again laugh.

"Maybe it is just because Nate and I can clearly throw a punch but you…I don't know," Tony jokes.

"I can throw a punch and if he keeps up with it I will throw a punch," he says with all the seriousness he has, clearly not finding this funny. "Hell I might throw a punch just to prove I can throw a punch."

"Babe he was kidding," I place my hand on his arm that rest on the table. "We know you can throw a punch but if you do now I will throw a punch and trust me I can throw one just as hard."

"It's true she can. I taught her," Tony smiles proud pointing at himself making us laugh.

"I know she can, I've felt it," he informs us getting a laugh.

"I did not punch you!" I protest that one.

"No but you slapped the hell out of me," he reminds me and I blush.

"I'm sorry," I push out my bottom lip, leaning over and kissing his cheek like it might still burn from my hit. I really didn't mean to, it was in the moment and I regretted it as soon as I did it and I know he understands that. I really didn't know I had it in me to slap someone but I did, who would have thought it would have been Lucas.

"He needs to go hit on Rachel or Haley or something," he goes back to his grumbling mood. "Leave my Brooke alone," he informs us.

"I doubt it's because he doesn't find Haley or I attractive it's just because Brooke is more his type," Rachel shrugs. "Like ok there was a room full of people when you first met Brooke, there was Bevin who we will all admit is dizzy but hot, Theresa is-"

"A skank," I interject.

"Yes a skank but she is still a halfway decent looking skank who more then threw herself at you…" She points out and I agree she did, "But you didn't talk to any of them. The moment you walked into the house your eyes were set on Brooke."

"You make me sound like a creeper," he mumbles, shifting in his seat making us all crack a laugh shaking our head.

"No not like that but still. What made you decide to talk to her over everyone else? What was the first thing that stood out?" She questions and I turn to him somewhat wondering the same thing.

"Her legs," he answers without even having to think. "First thing I noticed was her legs."

"Really?" I question not thinking that was it.

"Yeah, your legs are hot as hell," he says resting his hand on my thigh. "Definitely one of my favorite parts of you," he grins tracing circles on the inside of my thigh.

"Well thank you," I lean over kissing his cheek. "What about you Nate? What was the first thing you noticed about our little Haley?"

"Ass. Haley James has a serious ass on her," he informs us all making Haley blush and the table laugh.

"But see my point is that as guys ya'll have a type and you get drawn to them, Nathan to Haley's ass, you to Brooke's legs and my Tony here just loved my entire kick ass body," Rachel smirks.

"That I totally did," Tony grins leaning over giving her a kiss.

"But Luke he is a guy and he sees a pretty girl. He is just being nice, I'm sure he knows you two are together," Haley always the voice of reason says.

"Well just in case there is any confusion," he turns in his chair and before I even have a moment to say a thing his tongue is in my mouth. I feel like I haven't kissed him like this in a lifetime. Yes of course our kissing has been almost normal but this one is different. His others were hesitant and nervous and this one is full of passion and lust and I forgot how good it felt, I forgot how great my boyfriend is at damn kissing.

"Mmmm…" I moan in his mouth cupping his cheek pulling him closer.

"Luke…" Nathan tugs on his shoulder, but I feel Lucas slap his hand away and with that I can't help but giggle.

"Ok…" Lucas pulls away from me, both breathing heavy and my heart about to race completely out of my chest. "Oh hey I'm ready to order now," he says and I look up seeing Jared is back, the table is trying to hold in a laugh and Jared looking more than uncomfortable. "What about you baby you ready?" He grins that boyish little grin at me making me laugh.

"Yeah Boyfriend," I lace my fingers through his. "I think I'm ready."

* * *

**Ok, so like a few days and an update! Love me right? I really love this chapter and I don't really know why. I just liked the begining because even with the whole story being in Brooke's POV I wanted to show how Lucas thought through it all you know...I hope I did it alright that I didn't ruin ya'll image of Lucas's action throughout everything. **

**I'm so happy that I have another chapter up but sad to because that means there is one left and it's a little heartbreaking…I still love this Brucas so much and my mind is racing on what to do.**

**With the sequel I have it all planned out if I do it. I have all the main points and big chapters honestly already written. I have the first two written then like a seventh and then thirteenth, I even have the last two chapters written and a few that I'm not sure where I would put them but know I want them in there. I just have to figure out the chapters that lead for two to seven and seven to thirteen and so on.**

**So I was going to give you all a small preview I think and describe it to see what you all think.**

**The story will only be a year later, Brooke is in school, Lucas is working and it's more of the transition of it all. How they adjust to it all. It will have a little more family back and forth, more insight to Brooke's father's side and see some major things go down that Brooke has to deal with. It will have the same characters; Tony and Rachel will still be together, Haley and Nathan planning a wedding and in a way brings some pain to Brooke. Also David will make a comeback because I do have a secret love for him but he doesn't cause problems to the relationship, want that clear.**

**But it will have more of Kylee and Brooke, Kylee and Lucas because Lucas starts teaching at her high school and they share a class. I don't want to give too much away but I really love the plot of that one. Kylee I want to play with her character some, still sweet and everything but you know her falling for a guy and Lucas watching to keep an eye out and some stuff goes down that really tests her relationship with her sister. What I have so far I really love and the fact I have everything completely planned out makes me want to write it, but same time I'm hesitant because of the worry about not coming up with good chapters to fill in between the major ones you know?**

**I think I may need more time to think on that one but yeah that is the plan so far. Diary is like my baby so I don't want to screw it up. But the way the new one is written it's almost as if you don't have to read the first one. Of course there are comments and refers to the first one and stuff but it's not one that will make you completely lost if you didn't read My Diary, but again up in the air. I guess it all depends on my glorious readers and ya'lls thoughts.**

**Well anyway enjoy this chapter! Expect the next update REALLY soon! Love you all and hit that button and ya'll know what to do!**

**Review!**


	43. Chapter 43

"You think he has done it yet?" I ask Rachel as we sit on the back porch of our condo.

"I don't know, but we haven't heard an ambulance so it's a good sign," she laughs pulling her hair into a pony tail.

"Well the morning is still young," I tease taking a sip of my coffee still thinking Nathan is going to vomit all over the beach. It was really sweet if you ask me, he was nervous about doing it last night even though I told him it was fine, but yeah he didn't. So this morning he got up early, and Rachel and I went down to the beach with him to find the perfect spot.

It was pretty gorgeous, there was a spot the boys and I use to go to when we were younger where the water crashes on the rocks, and right when the sunsets on it, its breath taking.

So little Natey woke up this morning, talked Haley into crawling out of bed, very hard I must add we all went to be late last night, and took her to the beach. They have been gone for awhile now, the sun has already come up and we have still not seen Nathan or Haley.

"Maybe she did say no and he threw himself into a rocky ravine?" Rachel thinks making me break out into laughter.

"I doubt that occurred, she isn't going to say no," I get out between laughs.

"Well you never know," she shrugs and we fall into silence for a few minutes just looking out over the lake in front of us.

"Did you know Lucas doesn't believe in marriage?" I questions, snuggling into the warm jacket I stole from him this morning.

"Well…" Rachel adjusts in her chair. "Do you want to be married?"

"Well no," I admit, tracing the rim of my cup with my finger, the ring my boyfriend gave me sparkling up at me. "I honestly I never thought about it. I mean I thought one day I might be married but now that I know the option is completely off the table I don't know…" I shrug, "Makes me think some."

"Think about what?"

"Like how I want a family one day and before you say it I know it might be harder then I want," I tell her quickly before she says anything. "But one day whether I adopt or something else I will get me a baby and I don't know, do I want a baby alone?"

"Brooke, why would you be alone? Just because Lucas isn't legally your husband doesn't change anything about your future with him."

"I know…"

"Brooke you can have everything you ever wanted, you can have a big house and family and hell a dog if you want and you can have all that for the next fifty years with Lucas if you want but that doesn't mean you have to be married to him."

"Yeah I know…" I yank in a shaky breath and slowly letting it out. "I don't know why it bothers me; it hadn't before until this morning when we were helping Nate."

"Remember the first time we got to high school?" Rachel randomly states making me look at her confused. "How we walked and within five minutes we heard the reputation of Nathan Scott."

"Yeah, we thought he was a playboy, douche bag," I laugh taking a sip of my coffee.

"Exactly, and then Haley started to tutor him and all she did was say he was the biggest asshole she had ever met. How he was so arrogant and cocky and thought he hung the moon."

"Yeah that lasted all of a month before she was bringing him around…"

"But he was just a _friend_," she uses air quotes making me laugh. "Yet the more she brought him around, the more we started to see him and the more he changed and the more he changed the more Haley fell in love and soon we fell in love with him and now he is off on a beach proposing."

"Or plotting his death," I say making her laugh.

"Yes but the point is we never thought this would happen and it has so you can't just count out the fact it will never happen for you. I mean Tony doesn't think marriage is a good idea but it doesn't mean in a few years he might think differently. Don't let it stress you out B," she gives my leg a pat.

"I know," I shrug it off. "You're right, I don't know why I was thinking about it so much. He loves me and I love him and we are completely happy and I'm only nineteen I don't want to be married so I'm not going to stress about it."

"Good…" Rachel smiles and I realize its right. Marriage is a big deal and it's a big deal that I don't want to think about for another good five maybe even six years. I mean I'm happy for Nathan and Haley but I don't want to be married. I meant what I said to Lucas yesterday, my promise ring is enough for me.

"Rach…" I nod my head at where we see a couple walking down the bridge back to the condo. "Is that them?"

"I think so," she squints trying to see them better. "Oh it is!" she squeals, clapping their hands together.

"Aww look at them," I smile watching them walk towards us, hand in hand and smiles plastered on their face.

"I think she said yes," Rachel grins, watching as Haley curls her body up into Nathan's and giving him a kiss.

"Brooke! Rachel!" we hear Haley squeal, letting go of Nathan and taking off towards us.

"Yup I definitely think she did," I laugh watching our extremely happy friend.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!" she shrieks yanking open the door of the screened in porch. "Look! Look what Nathan just did!"

"Haley!" we both grab her hand looking at the gorgeous ring, sitting perfectly on her little ring finger.

"It's gorgeous," Rachel smiles looking it over.

"I know! And the spot he did it at was amazing! You should have seen how nervous he was, he I thought might throw up," she tells us making us laugh.

"Hey I was cool about it," we look up to see Nathan leaning against the door frame, now completely relaxed.

"You so weren't," Haley tosses a glance over at him making him laugh. "But it was perfect guys. It was so perfect."

"Did you cry?" Rachel asks.

"Of course I cried," she tossed her hair back. "He was so sweet and romantic and guys I'm engaged!" she squeals jumping up and down excited.

"Congrats Hales," I pull her into a hug, extremely happy for my friend. "Natey," I tilt my head to the side, doing a little dig.

"Brookie…" he mocks my move as I walk over to him. Rachel and Haley going on about what just happened.

"So…" I spin on my foot lean up against him. "I was right yeah?"

"You weren't right," he rolls his eyes. "I just wasn't _as_ right," he explains making me laugh. "Look at her Brooke," a smile is plastered all over his face as he watches the girl he loves.

"She is so happy," I smile, truly thinking I have never seen my best friend so happy before. "You know if you are married to Haley and I'm dating Lucas does that in some crazy way make me and her sisters?"

"Umm…I don't know maybe," he shrugs with a laugh.

"Oh my god Rachel is dating Tony which means we are somehow all connected! Nathan you made us sisters!" I squeal grabbing onto his arm.

"Oh god I'm related to you two?" he fakes a frown.

"Yes! And if Tony married Rachel and I someday marry Lucas we are all going to be one big happy family!"

"What did I get myself into?" He groans making me laugh.

"Face it Natey you are forever stuck with us now," I wrap my arm around his waist making him chuckle.

"You know Brookie if I get to see her _this_ happy all the time," he nods his head towards a still happy Haley. "Then I will be completely ok with that."

"Good," I smile looking at him and realizing something. The look Nathan gives Haley is almost the same one Lucas gives me. I mean of course there is a difference it's still there and I realize Rachel is right, I don't need to be married. Clearly Lucas loves me all the same and a ring and piece of paper isn't going to confirm that. And honestly all I ever need is that one look and I will be completely happy.

* * *

The sun feels so amazing as we all lay by the pool. This trip was definitely a great idea, it was definitely needed and I must add as a little side note how unbelievably sexy my boy looks as he throws a football in the water with the guys. The water glistening off his starting to tan body and the way the water has his wet hair going every way it's just so damn hot.

We are better now, I think he and I are in a really great place and I am really happy with what is happening. I mean though I am still upset with everything and I still hurt over the baby but I still think I am slowly making my way to accepting it, not being happy with it but accepting it.

"Hey Pretty Girl," I open my eyes looking up to see my boyfriend easing on the lounge chair I'm on.

"Well hello Boyfriend," I smile scooting over on the chair so he has more room, "You having fun?"

"Yeah, I think this trip was a good idea," he nods as he plays with one of the beads on my brown bathing suit, "You doing ok?" He hesitantly asks rubbing his hand on my stomach.

"Yeah Broody," I smile placing my hand on top of his. "I'm fine," I promise leaning up placing my hand on his cheek and kissing him. "I think this trip was a good idea too," I agree pulling away from our kiss for a second giving him a smile before leaning back in for another kiss. Slowly I pull him down with me as I lay on the lounge chair, small drops of water falling from his body onto me, making my body shiver. "Luke…" I moan out low as he kisses travel down to my neck. "Make love to me Lucas," I whisper in his ear, him stopping his kisses to pull back and look at me. "Make love to me," I whisper again, my heart racing as he sits searching my eyes.

"You sure?" he questions as we sit there, my hands holding his face close to mine.

"Yes," I nod feeling like I did the first night we slept together. My mouth is all dry and I keep swallowing hard and my heart is about to pound completely out of my chest and the only thing I keep thinking is I can no longer wait to be with my boyfriend. "I'm not going to break," I promise, pushing back his wet hair.

"I know you're not," he gives a half sided grin. "I just want to make sure _you_ are sure, that your body is sure," he looks down at my stomach then back at me.

"I'm sure, my body is more than sure," I give a smile. "I want to," I tell him slowly pushing my lips against his. "I want you," I confess wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Ok," he grins pulling out of our kiss to look at me. "Come on," he slips his hand in mine, helping me up. "Hey guys I think Brooke and I are going to head in," Lucas tells the guys as he grabs some stuff and I wrap my towel around me.

"What? Why?" Nathan moves through the water to the edge of the pool.

"You ok?" Tony asks following Nate to the wall, next to Haley and Rachel.

"Yeah I just have a little of a headache," I lie knowing I can't be like 'yeah big brother I'm fine, I'm just about to go have sex with my boyfriend,' yeah can't say that.

"Well there is some medicine in my bag if you need something," Haley tells me with her motherly smile that I nod at.

"Yeah just lay down and maybe you will feel better. I'm sure it was just the heat or something," Rachel shrugs but still giving me a smirk I know all too well. She definitely knows me better then I know myself and I know she knows what I am actually heading to do.

"Yeah I'm sure," I shake my head with a smile grabbing my phone and iPod of the small glass table.

"Luke you going to come back?" Nathan asks grabbing the football of the edge of the pool.

"Maybe in a bit. I'll just make sure Brooke is ok then might come back when she is feeling better," he shrugs and Rachel's smirk just grows as she shakes her head laughing.

"Alright sounds good," Tony shrugs moving through the water as Nathan throws a pass to him.

"Enjoy yourself," Rachel smirks and I just peg her with a water ball as we pass.

* * *

"I love you," Lucas whispers as we make our way back to the room; his arms around my waist as I walk in front of him.

"I love you too," I giggle a little when he starts kissing my ear lobe. "Someone is being a little impatient," I tease as we reach the door and I look through my keys for the one to unlock the door.

"Never," he lies as he starts sucking on my neck sending shock waves through my body.

"Mmm…I forgot how good you were at that," I admit letting the feeling take over my body, enjoying the feeling before sliding the key in the door.

"I forgot how good you taste," he whispers in my ear, his tongue flicking against my ear lobe as we wonder inside. The feeling of the cold condo hitting my damp bathing suit, making me shiver, "You think they would object if we just did it right here?" he smirks against my neck and I don't answer before he has my back pinned against the wall. My foot running up his leg as he grabs onto by my knee and pulling me close, my hand threading through his hair as he finds that sweet spot on my neck I swear he will never forget is at.

"I wouldn't object," I gasp when his teeth clamp on my sensitive skin. "Luke..." I try to tell him something but he just kisses me and spins us around as we do a little dance towards the bedroom, "Luke, baby wait," I stop him before we go any further.

"God I swear you are going to be the death of me Brooke Davis," he groans making me laugh.

"No it's just… I got you something," I tell him playing with the draw string on his pants.

"Well can I have you now and that something later?" he raises his brow making me laugh.

"Well it kind of goes hand in hand," I admit my eyes peering up at him underneath my eyelashes.

"Mmm…I'm thinking I might like this," he grins, I slip my hands in his and bring him towards the bedroom. "Ooh it's in the bedroom so I know I'm going to like it."

"One would hope," I joke pushing him on the bed. "Just wait right here and I will be right back," I go to head out of the room but he grabs my hand pulling me back down for a soft kiss.

"Please hurry, _please,_" he begs making me laugh.

"You just be ready for me and I will be right back," I promise giving a wink as I skip out of the bedroom to the bathroom.

Touching up my makeup, fixing my hair and spraying my perfume on me I look at my appearance. I think I look better, way better then that sweaty hot mess I entered the condo in. I changed out of my bathing suit and put on this outfit I got with Rachel and Haley before we left. It's white silk, with a black lace trim that is at the top and bottom, the length hitting just barley below my butt and I kind of wish I got to wear it longer because it so cute.

Walking back into the room I find Lucas sitting at the top of the bed, the sheet draped over his lower half, I guess when I was out he shut the curtains, dimed the lights and lit a few candles. I like it, almost like our first time all over again.

"Hi," I nervously shake at the door as he lifts his gaze to look at me; I really hope the look on his face is a good one.

"Oh holy damn," his mouth hangs open slightly and I feel the heat spread over my cheeks. "You look," he pauses as he I guess thinks of the right word as I slowly move my way over to him, crawling up the bed and straddling myself in his waist.

"I look what?" I whisper, placing my hands on his shoulders as his eyes run all over me.

"I don't think gorgeous is the right word, I don't think that word describes how amazing you look," he admits and my blush deepens.

"I just…" I trail off tossing my hair out of my eyes, "I just realized lots of stuff over this trip."

"And what might those things be?" His fingers slowly touch over my collar bone giving me chills.

"In the time I have known you I have learned lots of stuff," I tell him running my hand through his blonde hair. "I learned stuff like if someone kisses right here," I point to a spot along my neck, "that my body gets chills. That the slightest touch of someone you love can make you shiver all over," I brush his knuckles against my lips, "that a man's back is amazingly sexy," I joke a little making him let out a small laugh. "Or that sex is amazing even if your fighting, happy, loving and honestly when you are fighting it might be the best," I smirk making him laugh again, "But I also realized how opening yourself up to someone is insanely scary but the feeling of safety when you let them in is one of the most amazing feelings. That when it's the right person it will happen. Even with fighting and harsh words and challenges thrown at you, if it's the person you are supposed to be with it will always bring them back to you. I also realized you have to understand there is a chance you can get hurt but trust in the other person enough to know they will do all they can to protect you and I guess finally I realize…" I pause looking down playing with his necklace a second before looking back up into his eyes that make my heart melt, "That I am completely and hopelessly in love with you Lucas Scott." I give a small shrug, a smile spreading across his entire face, "I know sometimes I make you wonder and question but god Luke I love you so much and I wish there was a stronger word I could use to explain it but I can't. With everything we have been through and things I'm sure we have yet to I know you are it for me."

"I wish I could explain how much you mean to me; how much I love you," he tells me, making my heart skip a complete beat.

"I think I understand a little," I smile running my hand through his hair. "I don't know if there will ever be anyone I love as much as you."

"Would it be selfish to say I hope you never love someone as much as me? That I kind of hope I'm it for you forever, since I would be ok with being with you forever."

"I would be ok with that too," I whisper loving the feeling inside I get by looking at him. "You're my forever Lucas Scott; that is if you want to be my forever."

"I do Pretty Girl," he whispers leaning in kissing me so gently. "I want to be your forever."

"That's very good," I grin pushing my lips against his.

"You think so?" he grins against my lips, flipping my over and slowly laying me on my back.

"Yeah," I giggle pulling out of our kiss. "I missed you," I whisper running my thumb across his bottom lip. "I've missed you so much Luke," I admit knowing that the past few weeks I have felt like he hasn't been here, like I haven't been here. Even with us together it just felt like something was missing and finally we feel like _us_ again.

"I've missed you too Pretty Girl," his hand runs up my body resting on my side. "More than you know," he looks into my eyes and it makes my heart race. There is a look he has, no one ever gets it but me, it's one he saves for me and my god what that look does to me.

"You know what else I have missed?" I question watching as my finger traces over his collar bone.

"What else have you missed?" I left my eyes slowly to meet those gorgeous blue eyes.

"When you kiss me right here," I inform him, pointing at my collar bone.

"Right here?" he leans down, trapping the skin between his teeth before his warm tongue runs over it.

"Yeah," I breathe out heavy, feeling my heart start to race. "I really think I missed that," my back arches into him as he slides the strap off my shoulder kissing my tingling skin before moving back up towards my ear.

"Anywhere else you miss being kissed?" his voice in my ear giving me chills.

"Yeah," I nod as he starts kissing over the thin material I am wearing, sliding it up on my stomach as he goes. His face tickles as it slides over my skin, the stubble on his face makes my skin quiver and I almost feel like our first time all over again, but I don't laugh this time. "Yeah I missed that," I throw my head back into the pillow as his teeth nib on the sensitive skin. Now I could remind him the truth, remind him of the night before we left but I'm not, because it feels too good.

"Mmm…" I suck my bottom lip in my mouth as his mouth does things I'm sure many girls would be jealous of. I'm almost positive no boyfriend is like mine, maybe so maybe not I'm choosing to believe no. "Uhh…" I bit harder on my lip, letting my hand run through his hair, nails digging my nails into his scalp as my back arches, hips buckle and a shot of pleasure takes over my entire body.

Sliding his tongue out of me and up my body, my body shudders as his tongue works his way up my body leaving small bits all the way to my mouth.

"Mmm…" he moans against my mouth when I slide my hand down his body and taking him in my hand. His body quickly reacting and as my hand strokes him slowly back and forth. "Baby…" he hisses in my ear, my hand fastening its pace as he starts nibbling on my ear.

I feel my heart racing as he pulls back to look at me, positioning himself over me as I release him. Slowly taking my hand and cupping his cheek as he looks at me. I don't know what he is thinking, the corners of his eyes drooping down and I know what that means because he always does that right before a smile breaks across his face.

"You're so gorgeous you know that?" he smiles brushing a strand of hair out of my face. "So unbelievably gorgeous," he slowly lifts my dress over my head, his eyes locked on mine the whole time. "And I seriously question sometimes how I got you," he smiles down at me, his body smashed against mine and I feel when he grazes over me, a shot of tingles taking over.

"You don't ever have to question that," I lift my hips; he lets out a hiss across my cheek, brushing his lips across.

"You're sure?" he questions in my ear and I feel his hand shaking on my hip, begging I say yes, knowing he can't handle it if I say no. "We don't have too," his breath is short as I slide my body up a little, grazing a little harder over me. "I understand," his lips hover over mine, his hand sliding up to stroke over my lip.

"I know," I nod quickly, may heart never racing so fast before. "I do and I believe you," I take my hand threading it through his hair. "But I also know," a smile crosses my lips, "that I have never wanted you so bad before," I breath in deep before slamming his lips into mine, his tongue quickly slipping passed my lips and before I know he is for the first time in months inside of me. "Uhh…" I let out in his mouth, his body moving slowly. "That feels good," I let out low making him smile against my lips.

"You feel good," he smirks, running his hand down my side and gripping onto my thigh. "God you feel so damn good," he breathes out across my lips before running his kisses along my jaw and back to my neck.

"Lucas…" I tilt my head to the side, him burring himself in my neck. "Baby…god," I slam my eyes shut, tangling my leg with his and my toe nails digging into his calf making him moan against my neck.

I remember, with my body rocking against his, nails digging in his back and lips tingling from his kisses I remember. How damn good it feels to have his hands on me, like a burning in my hip as he grips me, his teeth raking along my neck and biting down on my collar bone making my body arch towards him and him sinking further into me, I remember just how much I love making love to my boyfriend.

"I love you," I grab into his face slamming his lips back against mine and in a way he always knows flips us over, his body never once leaving mine. "So damn much," my hands hold onto his face as I rock my hips against his. His hands finding my hips once against to guide my motions as I lift up to slam back into him again.

"Brooke…" he moans against my mouth, muscles burning in my legs that I haven't used in so long. Gripping my hands onto the back of his neck, he growling with my nails dig into his neck, I know leaving a burning feeling he enjoys. His hand slides up, tangling in my wet hair as I nibble on his bottom lip before slipping my tongue back into his mouth.

"Don't stop, please god- Lucas don't," I beg hoping the feelings taking over my body last forever. Relaxing back into the feelings of heat and shivers and chills that take over my body as he touches me. "Lucas," I throw my head back as his mouth bites down on my neck and flipping on my back, his pace quickening in me.

The room smells like the ocean and as we rock together I try to take in everything, the feeling of Lucas, the smell of the ocean and the faint sound of the waves. How I can feel the bruising and burning feeling of the sheet as it cuts into my hip and tightening my body even more with his, how a candle in the room smells like cinnamon and the room is a comfortable warm. I want to remember everything just in case for some god reason I forget what it's like to be with my boyfriend ever again I will just need to smell the cinnamon, hear the ocean or roll myself in a damn sheet and quickly slap myself back to the amazing feeling of him. That I will never be able to hear, see or smell any of this without thinking of Lucas.

His speed starts to increase as each thrust becomes harder, his mouth sucking hard on that pulse point in my neck in a way I know he does right before releasing himself and his left slides down stroking my hip bone and digging the little nail that he has on his thumb into my side quickly sending me close to my edge.

"Lucas faster," I beg sliding my hips back and forth as he increases his speed. "Mmm…Luke…" I dig my nails in his hair making him groan in my neck. "God you feel so good you-uhh…more…I-I want to-feel…_Lucas!_"

"Baby you can't-" he bites my lip making me growl. "You can't beg for me like…mmm…like that," his speed increase and he push in deeper hitting a spot he has never hit before. "It drives me over the edge."

"Mmhmm…" I moan against his lips, trying desperately to catch my breath but know it's near impossible with him hitting the same spot _over and over_ again. I feel it, I feel it building up in me and I know its building up in him and the thought knowing it's about to end is such a thrill yet the feeling of knowing the empty feeling of him not _there_ when it's over makes me want to be able to stay like this forever. "Lucas…" I moan low in my throat as my toes start to curl under, knowing if he does what he is doing one more time I'm done."Uhh!" I dig my nails into his back as I feel my walls clench around him feeling something I haven't felt in months, the hot tingles washing over my body and I feel as Lucas hits his.

"Mmm…" he moans against my mouth as our bodies' release of all energy. "God…" he breathes out rolling off me and pulling me into him, my body molding on top his as I kiss up his chest and leave a final one against his lips.

"I forgot how amazing that was," I giggle a little, pulling the sheet around me as I look down at him.

"Me too," he smiles against my mouth making me grin more.

"Maybe we should go months without it if it's always like _this_ time," I suggest, tossing my hair to one side.

"I'm not going to recommend it," he chuckles rolling me over on my back to look down at me. "You ok?" his concern for me always shines through.

"I'm fine," I promise, kissing his palm as he brushes my hair out of my face. "I'm so perfect Lucas I wish I could explain," I slide my leg and tangle it back with his and the sheet around us.

"You know how long I waited for someone like you?" he questions as I curl my body around him.

"About as long as I waited for you," I tilt my head up kissing along his chest, before planting on back on his swollen lips.

"Sorry I took so long," he teases making me smile.

"You were definitely worth the wait," I admit stroking his bottom lip with my thumb.

"You mean so much to me Brooke Davis," he traps my chin between his thumb and finger bringing himself down for a gentle kiss. "You're my everything," he whispers, his forehead leaning against mine.

"Everything," I whisper back with a smile, leaning up and capturing his lips back with mine; his arms circling around me and flipping us over in a slow motion.

"I love you," he hums against my lips, my hand tugging on the sheet and rewrapping it around us, and of course like always, without hesitation without even having to think saying, "I love you too."

* * *

_Like clockwork Lucas is asleep next to me. His breath now steady, his body relaxed and the white sheet that we had just been tangled in is now placed over his body as he sleeps. _

_I sit here letting everything sink in. The way my life has been going, how in just a year everything has changed so much. I feel like this whole year has had so much happen yet at the same time it has been in fast forward. In a blink of an eye I went from single and lonely with my heart praying for someone else to having three guys wanting my attention and three great guys wanting to be with me. _

_I never thought Shane would have changed so quick as he did. Never in a million years did I think he would have come back and tell me what he did but it happened. He wasn't different, he looked the same, talked the same, felt the same yet it amazed me how I felt nothing anymore and honestly him coming back was almost a relief to a point. It made me realize that what I thought I was feeling for Lucas was real. My feelings were right and questioning them was pointless because I was more for the idea of Shane than anything. The idea that for so long I had been wanting it and then just realizing it was not what I wanted at all._

_Then David, my sweet, amazing David that I love with everything in me. There are mixed feelings on that one. Part of me is so glad what happened, happened but at the same time a part of me wishes it never did. David and I since we have known each other have had something that has never been explored and I think exploring it was right because it again made us realize friendship was the best action. However it doesn't change the fear that I think things are different. I love him, I will admit it I love him so much but I love him like I love my best friend. My best friend that has been through so much with me and taken care of me and never pushing me and I don't want to lose that. I don't want to lose the person who knows me the most; well second most._

_Lucas. _

_My Lucas. God I don't think it's healthy to feel for him what I do. Even with us being together for almost a year he still takes my breath away every time I see him. My heart still races when he touches me and his kisses still give me butterflies and I think that to a point still scares me. How is it possible to care so much about someone? Why on earth would god make one person have such a power over you? It's scary to think that at any moment something could happen where he wouldn't be here anymore, where we wouldn't be in each others' life and that thought honestly makes me feel a little sick. The thought that one day he could be ripped away from me scares me so more than anything. I don't know what I would do without him nor do I ever want to think about it because I am in love. I will openly and comfortingly yell from any roof top, announce to anyone in passing that I am so helplessly and hopelessly in love with him and the idea that I almost lost him because of the 'fear' of love makes me want to punch myself. My own stupidity almost made me lose him and I don't think I would have ever been able to live with myself if I let that happen._

_Looking at him I am still trying to realize where I went right. At what point I made such an amazing decision that got me him and it amazes me how it all started over a stupid gathering at a friend's house that I debated I even wanted to go to._

_I think about that a lot actually. How that night I was about five minutes from calling Rachel and claiming I wasn't feeling well and staying home. How if I didn't go that night there was a chance I would have never met Lucas, that he might have given into Theresa or just not cared enough to go back again. That if I didn't meet him that night then I clearly wouldn't have talked to him at the bar the next day, invited him to my house and for the first time feel those perfect lips that just ran all over my body. It's really weird when you think about something like that. How if I didn't do this then this wouldn't have happened. _

_I wonder where I would have been right now if I never met Lucas. Would Shane tried to have won me over because he saw competition in Lucas? Or would he have come back and us play the little game we always play. Would I have ever kissed David and if I did would I have lost that friendship when we realized it wasn't right. Would Tony and Rachel be together now? If Lucas and I weren't together then I would have gone back to Rachel's that night, I would have stayed over and talked to her if she needed me and my brother would have never checked on her. They would have never watched that movie and they would have never kissed, or anything else they did. Does one person really affect the lives of so many other people? Does Lucas coming into my life really change the course of everything?_

_Maybe I read too much into that. Into the idea that this guy was some Prince Charming that swooped in when I was at a low point and made my life what it is today but I can't help it. When I really sit down and think about it, connect all the dots of life and happening I realize it would be so different if Lucas wasn't never here._

_Like my baby._

_Though the image of him or her still burns in my brain all I think is how different that part of my life would have been if there was never Lucas. Yes I would have never lost our baby but at the same time I would have never known. There really is no doubt in my mind that if Lucas didn't enter my life I would still be a virgin. I don't even have to think about it I know I would. No one has made me feel like Lucas did, like he does. So ok I'm still a virgin and I never got pregnant and my heart never shattered at the news I was delivered but what about me in general? I never get pregnant I never accept I have a problem, I never realize what I was doing was breaking down my body and that in a way slowly killing me. So what I never get pregnant I never fix my ways and honestly who knows what would have happened. So in a way he saved me. Even if he doesn't know it._

_I know things right now and forever aren't perfect. There is no such thing as a 'perfect' person, a 'perfect' relationship or a 'perfect' life. Yet I do believe there are 'perfect' moments. The moment you meet someone who changes your life forever, perfect; the first kiss with someone who makes you feel that corny spark people always talk about, perfect. The time they admit what they feel, perfect. Don't get me wrong I know that things don't always go how you would assume. Just because in the movies or story books you hear about finding someone, meeting them and realizing you are meant to be and then happy forever but I do realize that when you love someone every moment with them is perfect. Even if it's a tough moment or a tough time you realize it builds you, builds your relationship and does in a way make you come out stronger every time. _

_But still, it is all baffling to me. I still don't understand it and I don't think I ever will but I get it now. I understand it. You have to look on the bright side of things, even if the bright side is only a shade brighter and still a boring gray, least it's better than a scary black. _

_Life is scary, I admit it. It never goes how we planned and it rarely goes how we want. Yet the experiences in life are what build us, make us who we are, good or bad they mold us. Everything that I have gone through, whether it was this past year or all through my childhood it made me and lead me to the path I am now; it lead me to Lucas and for that I can't ever be bitter._

_So my Dear Diary here is my sign off, my goodbye; well least for now because its life and you never really know. ;)_

_~Brooke_

* * *

**So that is it! With all the drama, up and down and loving and sad moments that is the end of Diary, well for now. I am pretty much positive I am doing a sequel. I have a good amount of chapters written and I think I might go with it so be on the look out! When I do I will let out all know!**

**I can't believe a year ago I started this story and am now done! I feel like I have put so much time in this story that I'm really sad it's over! I hope the final chapter didn't disappoint and I don't know how thank you all for everything!**

**dianehermans****- From the beginning girl you have been there! Never once did you fail to review and you were actually my very FIRST review! I don't know what I would have done without you reminding me that my story is read and needs to be updated! You are fantastic!**

**arubagirl0926****- Alex I hope you enjoyed the final chapter and stick around for the second one!**

**Brucas56****- Thank you girl! But don't worry the new one is pretty much the same relationship. There isn't going to be anything that much different about them and nothing crazy will happen where you will hate one of them I promise! **

**Brucas10****- Lizzy! Ugh you are amazing! Without a doubt the reason I went with the baby chapter and I'm so glad I did. I was nervous about it all but all your feedback and comments I went with it and I think you a million! You are the best girl and all your reviews always make me happy! Thank girl and hope you enjoyed the new chapter!**

**shorty05260****- You asked girl and got it! SO hope you enjoy :)**

**queen08**** – Girl I'm sorry I made you think this chapter was going to be a break up! I wouldn't do that to you with the sequel still up in the air! I hope this one relaxed you a bit :) Also thank you so much for liking my Brucas more than the TV one! That meant so much girl you don't even realize!**

**GossipGirl27****- Hope the sequel still sounds great after this chapter and you stick around!**

**l. noir – Aww I'm glad you like all the characters and them all going to the sequel! I really like writing Tony and Rachel so there will probably be a good amount in them next story! I mean not take away from Brucas or anything but being Brooke and Rachel are best friends, Tony and Lucas becoming close and Brooke and Tony brother and sister I feel like they might become the little foursome of besties haha but of course have our Naley!**

**Christabella**** – You promised to read if I did the sequel and I'm totally holding you to that! Haha**

**EmFerry****- I hope you still love the story and this chapter didn't disappoint! You are great reviewer and always made me happy!**

**BDavisLScott23****- Oh girl your reviews were always such a highlight! I looked forward to them every time because you always had laughing, agreeing and thinking thank you! Someone understands haha!**

**superstargirl7****- Did you like it? I hope so because you are always there to review and I hope I didn't lose you! With the sequel I know you were worried about the Kylee thing but I swear you don't have too! I wouldn't do that to Brooke and Kylee's friendship and I understand where some confusion might have come in but believe me no, no, no that will definitely not happen! Thank you so much for your support for the new story and that I'm not nuts for going back and forth! I felt like I was making you all go insane but it's so hard because you are right its nerve racking worrying if you might ruin the old one with the new one and you probably were the review that made me decide to go with it!**

**ILoveSarahSophia****-I'm glad you have been liking the last few chapters and hope you read the new one! Please, please, please!**

**OTH-Brucas-love****- Then last but not least Laurie my girl! I can't believe it's done but I can't believe even more how much you have helped me through this story and all my others. You are great girl and all our talks kill me! I don't think I can thank you enough for all the tips and all the time you looked over each story and chapter and everything else! You have definitely encouraged me a lot and helped me so much with everything! Seriously love ya do death and everything you have helped with! Don't forget that hot cast! Haha you're the best girl!**

**And all you other amazing reviewers thank you so much! I can't believe it is done and that you all have stuck around so long so I hope the final chapter didn't disappoint and please review letting me know! It is the finally chapter so let's see how many we can get ;)**

**Review!**


	44. Author NoteSequel

**~My Loves!~**

**So I just wanted to take a second to thank you all for all the reviews! When I started Diary it was rare to see two or three a chapter and I got to ten sometimes more a chapter and it made me happy! I'm sure all my readers can tell I'm not the best at words and grammar and such and I am fine with admitting that.**

**At a young age I was found to have a learning disability and it's comes out a lot more in English and writing and stuff and through high school and all school really I never wrote. I just accepted that I couldn't and let it be. I struggled extremely and still have trouble with it and when my sister told me about this website I thought well I would try. Did I think I was going to be good at it? No. Do I think I'm that great? Not even a little. Yet with all the times of struggling and frustration of not being able to do it all seems worth it to have the feedback ya'll give. Normally the ideas come extremely quick, I can have a whole chapter or even story planned out before I sit down to write it. I actually have every conversation down and out before I even turn on my computer but there is a small piece of me that just takes awhile to get my fingers to understand what my brain is telling me.**

**So with a mix of dyslexia and a few other things with names that people probably have never heard of I have struggled.**

**Funny how the start of this story was just an online diary I was writing and slowly became a story. Pretty much the first chapter **_**was**_** my life. From the eating, to the family, to the thoughts of being alone and stuck and to sit down and share that with all of ya'll made me a little nervous.**

**However when I finished my story I started to get PMs and I can't tell ya'll how it made me feel. From some saying (not mentioning names obviously) that you have felt some of **_**Brooke's**_** pain, been there or in dark place and reading my story helped in some way. That when things were going on you would go back to read it because you needed a cry or a laugh or just an outlet from the world of life… **

**That you have had the 'David' and prayed for the 'Lucas' and when you got him completely freaked out about what to do. That you had the best friend's issues and the family and the feeling of not being enough and feeling like you were the only one feeling that to realize you weren't.**

**It makes me feel good, really good and I hope that the sequel gets that much feedback and responds. This one will be more focused on family, some issues I think we have been through and just the growing up part of life.**

**It will have Brooke struggling with school a bit and in a way its my way of putting some of my life in it like I did in the first one.**

**I wish I could write a review back to each of you saying what you meant to me but I'm sure it probably doesn't mean as much to ya'll as me. Just with years of struggling being actually ok at something people told you, you would suck at, that you are stupid with is a real nice feeling.**

**So I just wanted to say thanks again and to look at the sequel that is now up called:**

_**Just Say You Love ME**_**.**

**Enjoy loves and forgive my random spill!**

**Love lots**

**Tay**


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